


Little Dipper

by ZoneRobotnik



Series: 5 Years AU [1]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Multi, bill is a very bad babysitter, bill's not sure how to handle kids, dipper is a baby treat him with care, just very smol, mabel is a big sis, okay so he's not a baby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-27
Updated: 2017-08-18
Packaged: 2018-04-28 09:20:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 164
Words: 236,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5086405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZoneRobotnik/pseuds/ZoneRobotnik
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>12 year old Mabel Pines takes her 7 year old younger brother Dipper with her to Gravity Falls to stay with their great uncle for the summer. She's starting to regret taking him along.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Gravity Falls-bound

**Author's Note:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD
> 
> What if Mabel and Dipper weren't twins born five minutes apart, but were instead born five years apart?

“Mabel, come on! Hurry up, we're gonna miss the bus!”  
  
Mabel looked over at her younger brother hopping up and down outside the bus depot, pointing frantically at the bus that was patiently waiting for them. She gave an amused grin and then looked back at her parents. “We'll see you after the summer.” She took her mother's hands. “Don't worry, I'll keep him safe.”  
  
“Say hello you your great uncle Stanford for us.” Her father smiled, wrapping an arm around his wife's shoulder. “Come on, dear. We've kept the driver waiting long enough.”  
  
“Alright..” Her mother hugged Mabel tightly. “Give him a hug for me? He was so excited he didn't give me a chance to.”  
  
Mabel nodded. “See you in the fall!” She picked up her bags and headed over to put them in the Speedy Beaver's baggage compartment, next to her brother's. Then she ushered him onto the bus, waving to their parents once they got to their seats.  
  
“Bye, mom! Bye, dad!” Her brother waved excitedly.  
  
“Dipper, sit down, we're starting to move!” Mabel laughed, pulling him into a seat as the Speedy Beaver started to drive away from the bus depot.  
  
He sat down as he was told to and adjusted his hat. “Tell me about Grunkle Stan again, Mabel!”  
  
“I already told you five times!” She laughed.  
  
“Well, do it a sixth time!” Dipper insisted.  
  
Mabel smiled and started to tell him about their cheerful, jokester great uncle once again. She had only met him a few times, and Dipper was too little to remember meeting him at all, with the two being born five years apart. A part of her wondered if she could take care of him as promised, if maybe it was too soon to take him so far from home, but there was no talking Dipper out of it once the idea came up for them to go.  
  
Gravity Falls, Oregon was a few hours away from Piedmont, California, but it was time easily spent by talking and pointing out different things they saw out the window. Before they knew it, they were seeing evergreens everywhere and Dipper was bouncing in his seat as they saw the sign saying “Welcome to Gravity Falls”.  
  
“There it is, there it is!” He said excitedly as they passed the sign and continued down the road to the wooden bus depot.  
  
“Not much longer now!” Mabel agreed, grinning with excitement.

They finally stopped at the bus depot and Mabel had to grab Dipper's shirt to keep him from running out ahead of her. Once everyone else had gotten off that was going to, she took his hand and led him off the bus.  
  
“Ah, here they are!” A man grinned, walking up to them. “My little family!”  
  
“Hi, Grunkle Stan!” Mabel smiled.  
  
Dipper peeked out from behind her, looking at him up and down. “...Mabel, is he a pirate? Where's his parrot?”  
  
Mabel and Stan laughed and then Stan motioned to his car. “Grab your bags and let's get you home!”  
  
“We're going home already?!” Dipper looked alarmed.  
  
“No, he means his home.” Mabel grinned. “We're here all summer, remember?”  
  
“Ohh.” Dipper nodded, heading over to grab his bag. “Okay, then! Let's go home!”  
  
They got Mabel's bags and loaded them into the car before getting in, buckling up and taking off. “Oh, you kids are gonna love it here! Gravity Falls is just full of weird stuff!”  
  
“So many trees!” Dipper looked around in awe as they drove through the woods.  
  
“Yep, place is full of 'em.” Stan chuckled and turned to drive up to a building that had the words “MYSTERY SHACK” on the outside. “Here we are, home sweet home!”  
  
They parked and then Dipper was the first one out, wanting to explore right away. Mabel caught up and grabbed his shirt. “Whoa there, little bro. We gotta take our things upstairs, remember?”  
  
He pouted and walked back to the car, grabbing his bags and carrying them inside. Stan followed him to show him the way, Mabel grabbing her bags and following right behind.  
  
“It's not much, but I cleaned it up for you.” Stan said as he opened the door to the attic bedroom. “You each get a bed, and there's plenty of room for you to play up here.”  
  
“Alright!” Dipper ran over and hopped on a bed. “I call this one!”  
  
Mabel grinned and hopped on the other one. “And I claim this one in the name of Mabel!”  
  
“Unpack and then I want to introduce you kids to the shop employees.” Stan said, stepping out and shutting the door behind him.  
  
Mabel hopped off her bed. “Need help unpacking?” She asked as she opened her own packs.  
  
“No, I got it.” Dipper opened his packs and started to put things away, going to the closet and opening it. “Hey, what am I gonna be doing while you're helping out in the shop?”  
  
Mabel shrugged. “Just don't get into trouble, I guess. I'd ask if you can help out too, but you're too short for anything but sweeping.”  
  
Dipper pouted. “I'll get taller, just wait and see! I'll be as tall as you by the time we get home!”  
  
Mabel looked at him, raising an eyebrow. “Only if you magically grow two feet, little bro.”  
  
“I bet I can!” Dipper insisted as Mabel finished unpacking and headed for the door.  
  
“Come on, sillyhead.” Mabel grinned and opened the door.  
  
“I'm not done yet.” He looked at his bag.  
  
“Well, you can finish after we meet the staff. Let's go!” She walked out of the room.  
  
Dipper looked between the door and the bag and then fixed his hat before passing by the open closet. He paused, thinking he was feeling someone watching him, but shrugged it off and left the room.


	2. Book

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dipper finds a metal tree in the woods and gets Mabel's help opening it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Kids, this is Soos and Wendy. Soos, Wendy, these are my great-niece and nephew.” Stan introduced.  
  
“I'm Mabel, and this is my younger brother Dipper!” Mabel smiled, holding him in front of her.  
  
Dipper looked up at the two in front of him. “...Tall...” He whispered, his brown eyes widening ass he looked them up and down. “Is everyone tall here?”  
  
“No, short-stuff, you're just small.” Mabel grinned, rubbing his hat into his head. “He's seven.”  
  
“Aww.” Wendy knelt down to his level. “You come to Soos, Stan and me if you need help finding anything, okay?”  
  
Dipper nodded, looking up at her. “How old are you?”  
  
“Me? I'm fifteen.” Wendy grinned.  
  
“Really? But you look like grown-up!” Dipper stood on his tip-toes. Nope, still not eye-level with her.  
  
“Alright we gotta get back to work, so why don't you go play, Dipper?”

Stan suggested. “We got a business to run. Wendy, I want you teaching Mabel to use the cash register.”  
  
“Alright.” Wendy stood up and Mabel walked around Dipper to follow her to the counter. Dipper shrugged and went outside, the bell jingling as he opened and closed it.  
  
The woods were very close to the shack, and soon he was walking past the trees, banging against them with a stick he found on the ground while singing a random tune at the top of his lungs. The wood hitting wood reminded him of doing this to fences back home, but when he heard something like when he hit mailboxes he stopped and looked back at the tree he just hit.

“...Huh?”Dipper walked over to the tree and hit it with the stick again. It made a low metallic sound that echoed. Frowning, he hit it again and then reached up, trying to hit that spot with his hand. “Nnnnnnnfh!” He stood on tip-toes but was still too short. Sighing, he walked back to the shop and poked his head in. “Maaaabel?”  
  
“Mabel's busy, Dipper.” Mabel said, doing something at the register.  
  
“But...” Dipper pouted.  
  
“Ah, go see what he wants. While you're out there, hang these up in the woods, would you?” Stan walked over with some painted signs.  
  
Mabel sighed and got off the chair, letting Wendy take over. “Okay, what did you find?” She asked, taking the boards and the box of nails Stan held out. She took a hammer from Soos and followed him outside.  
  
“I found a metal tree!” Dipper said excitedly.  
  
“A metal tree?” Mabel asked, following him into the woods.  
  
Dipper ran to where he left the stick and then picked it up, banging on the tree again. “See? ...Mabel?”  
  
“Hold on, I'm nailing up these signs!” Mabel called. Then she walked over to him, still holding a sign. “Alright, let's see it.”  
  
Dipper knocked on the tree with the stick again.  
  
“Hm, let's see.” Mabel set down the sign, nails, and hammer and felt along it. “I feel something...” She banged on it twice and then tugged at one side, pulling a door open. “There! Yikes, dusty. Hold on, let me figure this out.” She reached in and flipped different switches.  
  
Dipper looked behind them as the ground opened up, scaring off a goat that was eating grass nearby. “Mabel, look!”  
  
Mabel turned to see Dipper going to look in the hole. “Dipper, no! Let me.” She walked over and looked in, cringing. “Bugs and dust.” She reached in and pulled it out, blowing off the dust and checking it for bugs before handing it to Dipper. “Here, looks like a nerd book.  
  
He took it with an “oomph” grunt and looked at it. It was big like an encyclopedia in his tiny arms and there was a six-fingered hand motif on the front with the number 3 drawn in permanent marker. “Wow...” He whispered.  
  
“Okay, let's take you and your nerd book back to the Shack. That's enough of playing in the woods for today.” Mabel stood up and patted her skirt to get off dust and grass and then offered her hand. “Come on, Dipper.”  
  
He stood up, struggling to hold the book and take her hand. It was clearly made for adult hands, but he's held encyclopedias before, he could do this! He tucked it under his arm so he had one free and gasped when it slipped through and hit the ground. “Nnnnnngh!” He stomped his foot in frustration.  
  
“Let me help you.” Mabel laughed, picking up the book and taking his hand in her free one. “C'mon, DipDop.”  
  
He nodded, following her back to the Mystery Shack. She took him to their room and handed him the book before heading back to the shop.  
  
“Why don't you finish unpacking? Or you could read your new nerd book while waiting for me to come help.” She suggested as she closed the door and walked off.  
  
“'Kaaaaaay.” He opened the book on his bed and lay on his belly to read it, kicking his feet in the air.  
  
“Hey, kid.”  
  
Dipper looked up in surprise. “Who said that?”  
  
“In here.”  
  
Dipper got off the bed, looking around. “Where?”  
  
“The closet, nerd.”  
  
Dipper walked over to the closet and gasped, jumping back. “Whoa.”  
  
Sitting on top of a nail sticking out was a tiny triangle-person-thing. Dipper stepped closer to the closet, tilting his head in curiosity.  
  
“Heya.” The triangle gave a little wave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dipper apparently hasn't learned the concept of Stranger Danger yet.


	3. A friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dipper makes a friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

Dipper stared at the triangle, moving closer and reaching up a finger. “Are you real?”  
  
“I'm talking to you, aren't I?” The triangle remarked.  
  
“Are you a fairy, like in that one cartoon on TV?” Dipper asked excitedly.  
  
“Uhhh...no, not a fairy. Why would you think that?” The triangle looked offended at the very thought.  
  
“Well, your hat is floating above your heads like their crowns do.” Dipper pointed out.  
  
“Okay, well, I'm not a fairy. And I've been trapped in this closet for thirty years, so I have no idea what you're talking about.” The triangle shrugged.  
  
“Well, what are you, then?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Does it matter?” The triangle leaned forward a bit, his legs crossed and one hand on his knee. “Just call me 'a friend'. I can help make your dreams come true.”  
  
“You mean like granting wishes?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Yeah, like granting wishes.” The triangle nodded.  
  
“Are you _sure_ you're not a fairy?” Dipper giggled.  
  
“No, I am definitely not a fairy. And _real_ fairies don't have crowns floating above their heads or whatever and they definitely don't grant wishes.” The triangle chuckled. “Sorry to burst your bubble, kid.”  
  
“Aww.” Dipper pouted. “Well, why are you in the closet?”  
  
“Someone I thought was my friend sealed me in here after using me to gain knowledge that he put into his books.” The triangle sighed.  
  
“Oh, you mean that book?” Dipper pointed to the one sitting open on his bed.  
  
“Does it have a six-fingered hand?” The triangle asked.  
  
“Yeah.” Dipper nodded.  
  
“What number?”  
  
Dipper scrunched his face in thought. “Uh...hold on.” He ran back to the bed and pushed it closed. “3?”  
  
“Shit.”  
  
Dipper gasped, looking towards the closet. “You swore!”  
  
“Yeah, I swore.” The triangle sighed heavily. “That book's no good to me, I need the one with my circle not the one with propaganda. “  
  
“Propo...Prop...huh?” Dipper walked over to the closet again.  
  
“It means spreading information that isn't true about someone.” The triangle said simply.  
  
“Ohh.” Dipper nodded. “What's your name?”  
  
“Name's Bill Cipher. You, kid?” The triangle hovered above the nail.  
  
“I'm Dipper! Dipper Pines!” Dipper grinned, hands on his hips. “I'm gonna be a big mystery-solver when I grow up!”  
  
“Heh, big dream. Think you can do it?” Bill asked.  
  
“I think so? I'm smart for kids my age! I read study stuff from high school!” Dipper said proudly.  
  
“I remember when that guy had that light in your eyes.” Bill chuckled. “So young, so full of hope. I hope this big ol' mean world doesn't dash your hopes, kid.”  
  
“So, tell me about yourself. What are you?” Dipper asked, sitting cross-legged on the floor. “And do you have to be a triangle?”  
  
Bill floated down off the nail, hovering in front of his face. “To put it simply, I'm a demon. But I'm not out to eat your soul or anything, don't worry. I make deals in exchange for favors.” His one eye crinkled in a smile. “And as for the other question, I _could_ shapeshift into something else if you want me to.”  
  
“Yes, please.” Dipper nodded. “You look like a Dorito chip and it's making me hungry.”  
  
Bill laughed. “Alright kid, close your eyes. This is gonna be bright.” Dipper closed his eyes tightly and was aware of a golden light peeking from under his eyelids and then he was being tapped on the nose. “Open up, kiddo.”  
  
Dipper opened his eyes and gasped. “Oh, wow! You look like a....a prince!”  
  
“Pft, no not THAT fancy.” The Barbie Doll-sized man in a golden tailcoat grinned at him, twirling his cane. “But I do look rather fine, don't I?”  
  
His hair was golden-blonde, his skin was a dark golden color and he wore black gloves and boots with his golden tailcoat, shirt and pants. A black bowtie finished the look with his black tophat hovering over his head and one of his eyes concealed by his hair had an eyepatch over it.  
  
“Yeah, you do!” Dipper grinned. “It's cool!”  
  
Bill grinned and spun in a circle, showing off his outfit. Dipper laughed and clapped his hands as Bill then did a flip in the air, finishing with landing on his floating cane and bowing dramatically.  
  
“Again, again!” Dipper said, grinning.  
  
“All the things I could be doing for you and you just wanna see me do tricks.” Bill gave an amused smile. “Children are such simple creatures.” He conjured up a tiny blue flame and juggled it between his hands before he started to juggle it all around his body, doing twists and turns until he finally caught it in his mouth, swallowed it, and let out a fiery burp.  
  
“Yay!” Dipper laughed, rocking where he sat.  
  
“Dipper? What are you doing up here?” The door opened and Mabel looked in. “What's so amusing in the closet?”  
  
“Bill!” Dipper pointed to him.  
  
Mabel walked over, looking confused and then smiled. “Oh, of course! How could I forget about Bill? Well, tell Bill bye-bye, it's time for lunch!”  
  
“Bye-bye, Bill!” Dipper got up and followed his sister out.  
  
Bill watched them go, smirking a bit. “She doesn't actually see me.” He said to himself. “She's just humoring him.” He looked towards the book. “Who knew that I wouldn't be alone forever, eh Sixer?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes it's better to just act like you can see the imaginary friend, too.


	4. Normal...Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mabel gets a boyfriend and Dipper is concerned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

With Dipper having his “Bill” to talk to, Mabel was able to focus on her work at the shack - and also dedicate a little bit of time to attempting to get a summer romance. Unfortunately, every attempt she tried just backfired on her and sent the customer she flirted with running for the hills. What was she doing wrong?  
  
“Maybe I'm just not pretty enough.” She pouted, staring in her mirror as she brushed her hair. “Or maybe I'm not funny enough? Maybe I'm TOO funny? Or maybe I'm so pretty I scare them away!”  
  
By coincidence – or at least she hoped it was – Dipper chose that moment to laugh uproariously at whatever “Bill” said. Shaking her head, she stood up and walked over to the door. “I'm going to the store, you want anything?”  
  
Dipper looked at her and then back to the closer before he grinned. “Doritos?” He then busted up laughing, like it was the greatest joke in the world. “Okay, sillyhead. I'll be back later.” She ruffled his head and walked out.  
  
Dipper fixed his hat. “And some Pitt soda!”  
  
“We've got that down in the kitchen, just get up and get it!” Mabel said, looking at him. “Actually, do you want to come shopping with me? See the town?”  
  
“Nah, I'll see it later. I'm playing with Bill!” Dipper shook his head.  
  
Mabel nodded. “Uh-huh. Okay, have fun with Bill.” She waved and walked out  
  
Maybe her mother might've been worried about his new hobby, but Mabel understood the need for an imaginary friend in a new town. Heck, she'd hardly seen anyone Dipper's age yet—oh, there was one just now—that would be able to spend time with him without teasing him for being “smart” or, heaven forbid, they saw his birthmark and made fun of him for it. That was one of the few things that made her brother cry, and she had made it clear they wouldn't do it again _or else_. No one got away with messing with her brother!  
  
“Hey.” A gruff voice distracted her from her thoughts and she stopped next to the cemetery, a hooded teenager approaching her.  
  
“Hi!” She grinned.  
  
“I've seen you around...you new in town?” He asked.  
  
“Yeah. I'm here visiting my great-uncle.” Mabel nodded.  
  
“That's cool. You're really pretty.” He walked closer to her. “You wanna go out?”  
  
Mabel gasped. Finally, her summer romance has arrived! “Sure! We can go out! Oh, but I gotta finish shopping and change into something more date-y, is that okay? You can pick me up at the Mystery Shack, that's where I live!”  
  
“Sounds great.” The teenager smiled.  
  
“Alright, see you in an hour!” She skipped off. “Whoo-hoo!”  
  
 **–**  
  
Dipper looked over as Mabel skipped into the room. “I'm home~!” She tossed him the bag of chips and started pulling out different clothes.  
  
“What's going on with her?” Bill asked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
“I dunno, I'll ask. Hey, what's going on with you?” Dipper asked as he started to open his chips.  
  
“This girl's got a date!” Mabel held up two sweaters. “Which one do you think? The kitty sweater, or the hearts?”  
  
“Definitely the kitty.” Dipper smiled.  
  
“I knew you'd be a help!” She pulled off her current sweater and left it on her bed, pulling on the kitty one and then going through her jewelry.  
  
“When did you meet a guy?” Dipper asked.  
  
“While I was out today. We met by the cemetery.” She grinned and put on gold star earrings. “How's your nerd book?”  
  
Dipper looked at the book that was sitting open in his lap. “It's really cool! It talks about a lot of monsters and mysteries!”  
  
“Uh-huh? You'll have to show me after my date.” Mabel put her hair up in a ponytail, holding it up with her hand. “What do you think, up or down?”  
  
“Both are pretty.” Dipper shrugged. “Go with down.”  
  
“You always know the best choice.” She let her hair drop and exchanged her headband for one that matched the color of her new shirt.  
  
The doorbell rang and Dipper stood up. “I'll get it!” He ran out, Mabel laughing as she went out after him.  
  
When Dipper opened the front door, there was a tall hooded guy standing in the doorway with a red substance on his cheek. “Ahh! It's the Grim Reaper!” He shut the door in his face, panting heavily. “He's come for Grunkle Stan!”  
  
“No, he's not!” Mabel laughed, opening the door again. “Sorry about that, my brother can get excitable.”  
  
“Who are you?” Dipper looked around her at the teen.  
  
“Uhm...normal...man.” The teen said nervously.  
  
“He means Norman.” Mabel laced her arm with his. “Ohh, nice muscles there!”  
  
“Are you bleeding? Do you need a band-aid?” Dipper asked, reaching in his pocket. “I've got a band-aid!”  
  
“It's jam.” Norman assured him quickly.  
  
Mabel gasped. “I LOVE jam! We have SO much in common!” She stepped out, smiling at Dipper. “Well, don't wait up!”  
  
“'Don't wait up' is what grown-ups say!” Dipper said as the door closed behind them. “Mabel!” She opened the door but she was already down the path. “Ohh...Bill!” He ran upstairs, stumbling on the steps a bit before going into his room. “Bill! Bill, Mabel said a grown-up thing!”  
  
“What'd she say?” Bill asked with an amused smile.  
  
“She said 'don't wait up'! That's what grown-ups say if they're gonna be out all night!” Dipper started pacing the room, flailing. “What if they...they kiss?! And cuddle?! What if she lets him grab her butt?!”  
  
“You could go after them.” Bill suggested.  
  
“And-And Norman was bleeding, but he said it was jam, and he didn't even seem to know his own name!” Dipper flailed his arms even faster.  
  
“KID!” Bill raised his voice, catching his attention. “I said you could go after them. Take a camera and if you see anything suspicious then you can show it to your uncle and he'll handle things, right?”  
  
“Oh!” Dipper went to his bag and pulled out a video camera. “Yeah! I'll be back!” He ran out of the room.  
  
Bill chuckled, watching him go. “That kid needs to stop to take a breath.”  
  
“Whoop, ow! Ohhh, my face!”  
  
“And watch where he's going.” Bill floated up to the nail, sitting on it to wait for Dipper to come back. He shot a look at the abandoned chips and sighed. “Doritos.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bill better be careful, I think he's starting to like the kid.


	5. Rescue!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mabel goes on dates, followed by Dipper. When she finally convinces him to stay home, she runs into trouble with her new beau!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD
> 
> Warning: Bill has a potty-mouth. (You might see this warning a few times.)

Of course Mabel knew her brother was following her and her date around, but she wasn't going to scold him for it. He was just curious, and apparently documenting Mabel's first actual date. The first date it wasn't so bad, but by the fourth date she was starting to get a biiiit bothered by it.  
  
“Dipper, why don't you stay home and play with Bill today?” She suggested sweetly. “Norman and I are going to watch a movie and you can't follow us into there.”  
  
Dipper pouted. “Aww...can't I just come along?”  
  
“It's a date, Dipper. Just me and my boyfriend. You can't come.” Mabel said, shaking her head. “Why don't you watch TV with Grunkle Stan?”  
  
“But...”  
  
Mabel stood up from the floor they were sitting on and dusted off her skirt. “We'll be back later, okay?”  
  
Dipper looked towards the closet and then back at her. “But...”  
  
The doorbell rang and Mabel headed for the door. “Be good, okay? I'll tell you all about it later, I promise!” She headed out, closing the door behind her.  
  
Norman was waiting at the door. “Your brother's not following us this time?” He asked.  
  
“I told him we were going to see a movie. Now, what was it you wanted to show me?” She stepped out, smiling.  
  
“It's a surprise.” Norman wrapped an arm around her shoulders.  
  
**–**  
  
Dipper watched outside the triangle-shaped window, sighing. “Maybe I'm overreacting...he seems like a nice guy.” He picked up the camera and sat down in the closet. “I mean, I don't see anything weird, do you?” He started flipping through the videos.  
  
“ Uh, kid, you miiiight wanna back up a bit.” Bill commented, sitting on his shoulder.  
  
“Huh?” Dipper looked at him.  
  
Bill reached over with his tiny hand and pushed the rewind button. On the screen, Dipper saw Norman's hand fall off and he quickly put it back on. “HUH?!” Dipper exclaimed, standing up. “What—but—huh?!”  
  
“I don't think ol' Normal Man's a human.” Bill remarked.  
  
Dipper looked at the book and knelt down to turn its pages. “Oh no...oh no! Easily mistakable for teenagers! OH NO! Mabel!” He stood up and started to run to the door.  
  
“Kid!” Bill called after him, making him stop. “You can't do this alone. Go get the hammer.”  
  
“Get the hammer?” Dipper looked at him.  
  
“NOW, kid.” Bill pointed to the door.  
  
“Okay!” Dipper ran out, going to Soos who was hammering a loose shelf to the shop wall. “Soos, can I use your hammer for a bit? I'll give it back!”  
  
Soos looked at him and then the hammer and then shrugged. “Okay. Be careful, it's heavy.”  
  
Dipper took it and ran back upstairs, ignoring Soos yelling “Hey, be careful! Don't run with tools! Little dude?” and got back to his room in record time, panting heavily.  
  
“Wow, you're worked up. Okay, take a few deep breaths and calm down.” Bill said, moving his hands in a “calm down” motion.  
  
“Okay.” Dipper took a few deep breaths and then released them before looking at Bill. “Now what?”  
  
“Now you need to help me get this nail out of the wall.” Bill tugged on it.  
  
“Oh!” Dipper went over to the nail and hooked the other end of the hammer around it. “Like this?”  
  
“It's a good thing he put it so low. Yeah, like that. Okay, now pull!” He started to push against the nail while Dipper pulled. With their pushing and pulling, the nail finally came out of the wall and ht the floor. Dipper picked it up and put it in his pocket before going out of the room, Bill sitting on his shoulder as they left.  
  
“Here you go!” Dipper handed Soos back the hammer and then headed outside. “Uhm...”  
  
“We're gonna need that thing.” Bill pointed to the go-cart.  
  
“Oh!” Dipper looked at him and then went back inside. “Wendy, can I use the go-cart?”  
  
Wendy looked up from her magazine. “Why?”  
  
“Please, it's important!” Dipper insisted.  
  
Wendy shrugged and handed him the keys. “If you can reach it, you can drive it.”  
  
Dipper took the keys and ran out. “What'd she mean by that?” He said to himself.  
  
He saw very quickly what she meant, when he could barely see over the wheel and he couldn't reach the pedals. “Ohh...”  
  
Bill looked at his tiny legs and then looked at his face. “Wow, you're shorter than I thought. Okay, new plan. Not sure if this will work, but we can try it. Let's make a deal.”  
  
“A deal?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Yeah, a deal. Let me into your mind and I'll use my magic to drive this thing.” Bill gestured to the steering wheel.  
  
“But, what do you get out of it?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Look, just letting me borrow your body from time to time is enough.” Bill lifted into the air and changed into a bigger size, holding out a flaming hand. “So? Do we have a deal?”  
  
Dipper looked at his flaming hand. “...Will it hurt?”  
  
“No, of course not. Here, run your fingers through it if you're worried.” Bill suggested.  
  
Dipper hesitated and then put his hand into the flame. “Whoa! It's not burning me!”  
  
“Ready to make a deal, now?” Bill grinned.  
  
Dipper nodded and took his hand, shaking it up and down. “Okay, deal!”  
  
“Alright, open up your mind, I'm coming in!” He dove towards him and Dipper gasped as he felt a water-like sensation run over his body before he heard a voice in his head.  
  
_I'm going to need to take control, kid. I'll handle everything, just sit back and relax. Like a movie._  
  
“ Oh, okay.” Dipper nodded, sitting back and relaxing, his eyes rolling back in his head as he closed them. When he opened his eyes again, he was sitting in a monochrome version of his bedroom back home and there was a screen in front of him like a first-person shooter.  
  
“Welcome to the Mindscape, kid.” He heard his voice say, but he didn't speak and it seemed to come from the screen. “Watch and see what I can do!” He saw his hands lift up and grip the wheel and then the car was glowing blue as the pedals moved on their own, the go-cart going down the road.  
  
_This is COOL!_ Dipper said excitedly.  
  
“Hell _yeah_ it is.” Bill said with Dipper's voice. “I haven't been in a human body in thirty years, I forgot how good it felt!”  
  
_Where do you think Mabel is?_ Dipper asked.  
  
“ We'll find her, don't worry.” Bill assured him. “They might've gone into the woods, so let's head in there!”  
  
_Onwards, HO!_ Dipper said, pointing at the screen dramatically and giggling.  
  
**–**  
  
Bill chuckled to himself as he drove the go-cart, keeping his ear out for any sign of them. He finally heard Mabel yelling for help and drove towards it, barreling out of the trees towards...gnomes?  
  
_Ah, man! We messed up on the guessing game!_  
  
“ Ugh, gnomes.” Bill rolled his eyes and got out of the glowing go-cart. “Alright, let the lady go and no one gets hurt.”  
  
“Dipper?” Mabel looked at him. “No, get out of here! They'll hurt you!”  
  
“Relax, sis. I got this.” Bill assured her casually.  
  
“You 'got' nothing!” One of the gnomes came forward. “You're not taking our queen from us!”  
  
“Uh, ew. You're going to make a twelve your old your queen? She's not even the legal age of consent yet, you perverts.” Bill smirked.  
  
“Dipper, you're acting kind of weird...” Mabel frowned.  
  
“We'll worry about that later, okay, sis? Let's focus on getting you out of this mess.” He held up a hand and fire formed around it. “Starting with this guy!” He swung a fist and the gnome yelped, jumping back and narrowing avoiding the hit. “Tch, missed.”  
  
“You think you can take her from us?!” The gnome charged at him. Bill just rolled his eyes and made both his hands light up, letting the gnome crash into him. Then he grabbed his hat and swung him around before tossing him into a tree.  
  
“That should not have worked. Do your hats just not come off?” He turned to the other gnomes, who quickly backed off. “Okay, then!” He walked over and untied the rope. “How you doing, sis?”  
  
“Who are you and what have you done with my brother?!” Mabel demanded, getting up.  
  
“We'll talk on the way.” Bill headed for the go-cart. “Let's go, right now!”  
  
Mabel got into the driver's seat and buckled in. “Buckle up.” She gripped the wheel tightly.  
  
The gnomes were starting to form some weird cheerleading routine monster thing. “So...how did you get involved with them?” Bill asked pleasantly as Mabel watched in horror.  
  
“Norman was a bunch of gnomes in disguise!” Mabel turned the go-cart around and sped off. “Now, who are you?!”  
  
“Name's Bill Cipher!” Bill said cheerfully.  
  
“Bill?” Mabel swerved to dodge a tree flying at them. “As in, the CLOSET Bill? You're REAL?!”  
  
_What, didn't she know that?_ Dipper asked.  
  
“Never said I wasn't.” Bill remarked. “You just assumed.”  
  
“But I didn't see you!” Mabel insisted.  
  
“'Course not.” Bill grinned. “I didn't want you to.”  
  
“Your grin is unsettlingly wide.” Mabel shivered. “Can you not do that?”  
  
“Eh, what can I say, I haven't had a physical body in a long time.” Bill shrugged. “Tree.”  
  
Mabel swerved to avoid another tree thrown in their way. “Right. So anyway, Norman says he wants to show me something, right? Then he opens up his shirt and all these gnomes come out! It's creepy! Then they ask for me to marry them – all of them! Is it too much to ask for a normal boyfriend?”  
  
“Hah! You're looking for a diamond in several layers of dull rock, Shooting Star.” Bill grinned. “In this town, no one is normal.”  
  
“'Shooting Star'? Nevermind.” Mabel shook her head. “Let's just lose these guys, get back to the shack and pretend none of this happened.”  
  
“Alright!” Bill touched the go-cart's shift-gear and it glowed before going VERY fast down the road.  
  
“BiIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!” Mabel screamed as she held on the wheel tightly. Bill let out a whooping laugh as they sped by the trees around them.  
  
They finally stopped at the Mystery Shack and Mabel let go of the wheel. “Don't. EVER. Do that. Again.”  
  
“We lost 'em, didn't we?” Bill shrugged, then looked over at the looming shadow approaching. “Damn, those fuckers are fast.”  
  
Mabel gasped and slapped her hand over his mouth. “Watch your language, you're in my brother's body!”  
  
Bill rubbed at his mouth after she moved her hand. “Yes, ma'am.”  
  
The gnome monster stopped and loomed over them.  
  
“End of the line, kids! Mabel, marry us or die!” The head gnome declared.  
  
“Wow, and they think that will get you to say 'yes'?” Bill raised an eyebrow.  
  
Mabel frowned and got out of the go-cart. “I gotta do it.”  
  
“What? Seriously?” Bill looked at her.  
  
Mabel stepped forward. “Alright, Jeff. I'll marry you.”  
  
“Hot-diggity-dog!” The head gnome started to climb down, talking to the others as he climbed, and then stepped forward with a black box, which he opened to reveal a ring with a crystal on it. Mabel smiled shyly at him and held out her hand. He slipped the ring on her finger and grinned. Alright, let's get you back to the forest!”  
  
“Wait!” Mabel spoke up. “Don't you want to kiss the bride?”  
  
Jeff stopped and turned to her. “Oh, well, if you want to!” He leaned forward.  
  
Mabel leaned forward to kiss him and then suddenly grabbed a leafblower, turning it on the vacuum setting. Jeff yelped and tried to run but it sucked him in, so only his head was sticking out. “THAT's for lying to me!” She changed the setting. “THAT'S for breaking my heart!” She nodded to Bill, who walked over while eyeing the leafblower warily. “And THIS is for charging at my brother!” She glanced at him. “Care to do the honors?”  
  
“Heh, I'll let the kid do this one.” His eyes shifted from the golden-eyed slit pupils he had to the brown-eyed round ones Mabel was used to. “Ready, Mabel?” Dipper grinned.  
  
“One...”  
  
“Two...”  
  
“Three!” They changed the setting again and fired Jeff into the others.  
  
“Ahhhhhh, I'll get you back for thiiiiiiiiiiis!” Jeff yelled as he flew into the forest.  
  
“Yeah!” Dipper and Mabel high-fived and then Mabel turned off the leafblower. “That was awesome!” Mabel smiled.  
  
Dipper grinned up at her. “Yeah, it was!”  
  
Mabel nodded and then lightly swatted his head. “What were you thinking? What is Bill and why is he in your body?”  
  
“He's, uh....a friend.” Dipper nodded. “Yeah, a friend.”  
  
“Dipper.” Mabel crossed her arms over her chest.  
  
“Okay, so he's a demon. But he's a nice one, not like the stories!” Dipper insisted.  
  
Mabel sighed. “Well, I guess he's been nice so far...but I'm watching you, buster! You watch your mouth!”  
  
Dipper giggled. “I told you not to swear.”  
  
_Oh, bite me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> She's taking a demon possessing her brother rather well, actually.


	6. Nicknames

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dipper gets a new hat and Bill talks nicknames with the kids.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Any sign of it?” Dipper asked Mabel as they slowly drove the go-cart down the road.  
  
“Nope. You'll just have to get a new one, brobro.” Mabel looked at him. “Sorry.”  
  
Dipper sighed. “Rats. I liked that hat, too. Why didn't you hold it on, Bill?”  
  
 _I was a little too concerned with getting away from the giant gnome monster to worry about your hat. Just get a new one, there's plenty in the shop.  
  
_ Dipper pouted. “So, are you always gonna be in my head now?”  
  
 _No, I can come out if you want me to._  
  
“Please.” Dipper nodded.  
  
Mabel gasped as a golden orb of light came out of her brother and formed into a floating man. “What in the--?!”  
  
Bill shrank down and sat on Dipper's shoulder. “Relax, Shooting Star. I can be a non-intimidating size.”  
  
“It's not the size that freaked me out.” Mabel frowned, turning the go-cart and driving back to the Shack. “It's you coming out of my brother like some...I dunno, something!”  
  
Bill grinned. “A wisp? A ghost?"  
  
“Some kind of video game thing!” Mabel parked the go-cart and unbuckled. “C'mon, brobro. Let's find you another hat.”  
  
They entered the Shack and Grunkle Stan looked up from counting the register. “Heh, have you been rolling around in the leaves? You've got dirt all over your clothes!”  
  
Mabel glanced at Bill, who was still on Dipper's shoulder. Could Grunkle Stan not see him? “We've had a long day.” She said, starting to lead her brother through.  
  
“Oh, hey.” Grunkle Stan spoke up. “We, uh, overstocked just a bit. Why don't you kids pick out something from the shop to keep?”  
  
“Really?” Dipper gasped and ran over to the shelves excitedly.  
  
“Are you sure?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Just do it before I change my mind.” Grunkle Stan stacked another set of bills on the counter.  
  
“Uhm...” Dipper looked around thoughtfully.  
  
“Hey, kid.” Bill gently tugged on the hair in front of his ear and pointed up. Dipper looked up to see a blue-brimmed hat with a blue pine tree on it. “New hat?”  
  
“A new hat!” Dipper stood on tip-toes and Bill flew up to push it off the shelf towards him. Then Dipper adjusted the size to fit his head and put it on. “Alright!”  
  
Bill grinned and flew down onto his shoulder again. “It suits you, Pine Tree.”  
  
Dipper looked at him. “Pine Tree?”  
  
“What, you don't like it?” Bill asked.  
  
“No, it's...it's a good nickname.” Dipper grinned. “I'm a little pine tree and I'm gonna grow up big and tall, right?”  
  
“Exactly.” Bill nodded, smiling.  
  
“And I will have a...” They looked over to see Mabel digging in the boxes and she pulled out something. “Grappling hook!”  
  
The three males in the room all stared at her. “Uh...wouldn't you want a doll or something?” Grunkle Stan asked.  
  
Mabel fired up and lifted herself into the air. “Grappling hook!”  
  
“Sounds good!” Grunkle Stan finished counting the drawer and left the room.  
  
“Your sister's scary.” Bill commented to Dipper. Dipper nodded.  
  
That night, the three went over the book together. “So, see, I thought Norman was a zombie, but apparently he was a bunch of gnomes so we still haven't seen any zombies.” Dipper said.  
  
“Hm...” Mabel looked thoughtful.  
  
“We should count ourselves lucky, zombies aren't exactly social types.” Bill remarked.  
  
“Hmm....” Mabel looked at them, rubbing her chin.  
  
“What's up with you now?” Bill asked.  
  
“Bipper.” Mabel nodded firmly.  
  
“Huh?” The other two said in unison.  
  
“That's what I'm gonna call you when you're possessing my brother. Bipper.” Mabel nodded. “Bill-Dipper. Bipper.”  
  
“You were thinking of a nickname all this time?” Bill laughed.  
  
“Well, you've got a weird name for both of us!” Mabel said defensively.  
  
“Yeah, but I have a reason for that, yours is just--”  
  
“I have a perfectly good reason. If I'm talking to you in public and call you 'Bill', people will get confused. But 'Bipper' is very close to 'Dipper' and won't be confused at all! They might just think they heard the first part wrong, or not even notice!” Mabel nodded, pleased with her reasoning.  
  
“Whatever you say, Shooting Star.” Bill shrugged.  
  
“So, why call me that?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Because it's your symbol of destiny.” Bill said simply. “Your motif, your...” He looked like he was trying to think of the word. “Special thing that defines you in the cosmos. And this guy's 'Pine Tree'.” He grinned at Dipper.  
  
“Whoa, cool! Cosmotic nicknames!” Dipper grinned.  
  
“I...don't think that's the word for it, but whatever.” Bill shrugged.  
  
“Do you have a nickname?” Dipper asked.  
  
“I have many names.” Bill grinned. “Most of which you can't pronounce. Just keep calling me 'Bill Cipher', alright?”  
  
“Got it!” The siblings nodded in unison.  
  
“Does anyone else have cosmotic nicknames?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Sure, lots of people do.” Bill grinned. “Ol' Fez has one, that red-headed chick has one, though it's silly, and even that handyman has one!”  
  
“What about Jeff?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Gnomes don't get cosmotic nicknames. Just humans.” Bill shook his head.  
  
“You've got one, though.” Dipper pointed out.  
  
“No, I have many names, most of which you can't pronounce, and I gave you one of them to use.” Bill hopped off his shoulder.  
  
“Why are you so tiny?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Easier to get a free ride.” Bill stuck out his tongue and hopped out of the way of her playful swat.  
  
“Kids, aren't you going to bed yet?” Stan asked outside their door.  
  
“Oh, it's late.” Mabel got off Dipper's bed. “Good night, Grunkle Stan!”  
  
“Get some sleep.” Stan said, walking away.  
  
“Night!” Dipper giggled and climbed under his covers. “Mabel, can you tuck me in?”  
  
Mabel smiled and took the book off his bed, closing it and setting it on the shelf between their beds before she started to tuck him in. “Do you want anything? Water? Warm milk?”  
  
Dipper shook his head and then reached out to grab Bill with his arms, Bill letting out an alarmed yelp as he was pulled out of the air and next to Dipper's chest.  
  
“Oh, so I'm a stuffed animal now?” Bill struggled to pull away before crossing his arms and giving a resigned sigh. “Eh, whatever. I can live with this.”  
  
Mabel and Dipper giggled and then Mabel took off Dipper's hat and kissed his forehead. “Sleep well, little brother.”  
  
“You too, Mabel.” Dipper smiled as she set the hat next to the lamp and shut it off before climbing into bed.  
  
“Sweet dreams.” Mabel smiled at him, the moonlight dimly shining through the window between them.  
  
Dipper snuggled Bill closer and settled down to sleep.  
  
Bill listened as the two drifted off and then sighed. “Maybe tomorrow night.” He mumbled to himself. “I've got time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dipper's so fond of his new Bill. :)
> 
> ("Little Dipper" is taking a short break because I have been working on the same chapter of "Open Seas" for days now and this smol child has been distracting me. While waiting for the next chapter, feel free to do fanart of these precious children!)


	7. McGucket

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mabel and Dipper meet a crazy old man and go on a treasure hunt!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“You guys are entirely too trusting for your own goods.” Bill commented as he rode on Dipper's shoulder while Grunkle Stan drove Mabel and Dipper blindfolded to an unknown location. “I mean, I get he's your uncle, but the blindfolds are just a liiiiittle too trusting.”  
  
“Well, hopefully this time we won't end up in one-night jail again.” Mabel said quietly.  
  
“Where are we going, Grunkle Stan?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Just wait a bit longer, it'll be great!” Stan grinned as he drove. “We're gonna have such a blast!”  
  
They finally stopped and he got out, walking over to let them out. “Alright, blindfolds off! We're here!"  
  
They took off the blindfolds and looked around. “The lake?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Are we going swimming?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Nope, even better! We're going fishing!” He opened the trunk and got out a a few things, setting hats with their names badly sewn onto them on their heads. “This will be great!”  
  
“Haha, I'm wearing two hats now! Cool!” Dipper adjusted his stack of hats and grinned.  
  
“Well, it won't put us in jail!” Mabel grinned. “Let's do it!”  
  
“I SEEN IT! I SEEN IT AGAIN!” A belligerent old man came running into the area.  
  
“What the...?” Bill gasped and ducked under Dipper's hat, watching the old man warily.  
  
“Haha, the old man scared Bill.” Dipper whispered to Mabel while Stan rolled his eyes at the old man babbling about some monster in the lake,  
  
“Don't worry about it, kids.” Stan told them. “I'm sure he's just making it up.”  
  
“I am NOT!” The old man ran over to the dock. “Look what it did to my boat!”  
  
The lake's visitors walked over to look at the damage. “Whoa, that's pretty nasty.” Mabel cringed.  
  
“He probably just crashed it into something.” Stan frowned. “A rock or something.”  
  
“Or a monster!” Dipper looked at him.  
  
“There's no monster.” Stan said firmly. “This guy is just cuckoo.”  
  
“There is! There is a monster!” The old man gripped Dipper's shoulders. “The Gobblewonker! It lives in deep waters, trashing boats that dare to venture near its island home!” He pointed to an island that was visible from where they were.  
  
“Wow...” Dipper smiled.  
  
Stan pulled Dipper away from him. “Darn it, McGucket, this kid is already getting himself in trouble without you filling his head with stuff that isn't real! Come on, Dipper, Mabel. We're going fishing.”  
  
“But what if it IS real?” Dipper asked. “We could put it in the Shack!”  
  
“Might be fun! The biggest catch ever!” Mabel encouraged.  
  
“We'd have to get a tank, though.” Dipper nodded. “Or make a pool near the shack for it!”  
  
Stan blinked in surprise and chuckled. “Well, why not. Let's go fishing for this monster, huh? We'll need a bigger boat, though.”  
  
“I've got a bigger boat!” Soos approached them from the crowd. “I can drive you and the kids there!”  
  
Stan nodded. “And even if there's no monster, family bonding time!”  
  
“Family bonding time!” Dipper and Mabel both cheered as they all headed for Soos's boat with the fishing equipment.  
  
Bill poked his head out of a slightly-falling off letter on the hat and frowned, watching McGucket as he stared at them going. “...What the hell _happened_ to you?” He muttered, poking his head back in.  
  
 **–**  
  
“Alright, alright. How about this joke?” Stan grinned. “My ex-wife still misses me...BUT HER AIM IS GETTING BETTER!” He did an exaggerated motion.  
  
Dipper laughed while Mabel tormented a pelican that had decided to sit on the railing. “That was great, Grunkle Stan!”  
  
“Heh, I like this guy. He's got great jokes!” Bill said, now sitting on Dipper's shoulder.  
  
“I thought you'd like that one, kid.” Stan grinned. “Alright, how much farther, Soos?”  
  
“Shouldn't be much longer.” Soos looked around at the foggy area. “This island is always foggy for some reason, even on sunny ways.”  
  
“Ohhh, spooky!” Mabel wriggled her fingers at Dipper, who gasped dramatically.  
  
Stan chuckled. “Well, who's our lookout supposed to be?”  
  
“Oops, that's me.” Mabel went back to the pelican. “I don't see anything ye—oof!” The boat hit land and she looked at them. “I found land!”  
  
The others laughed and then got off the boat. “Spooky, foggy island, here we come!” Dipper cheered as they went down the path.  
  
After a while of walking, Soos started beatboxing and Mabel started rapping. “My name is Mabel. Which rhymes with table. Which rhymes with...glabel!”  
  
“Dude, we should be writing this down.” Soos said.  
  
“Anyone bring a pen and paper?” Stan asked.  
  
“Hey, I see something!” Dipper ran on ahead. The others ran after him and caught up to him cooing at a bunch of beavers.  
  
“Well, it's not a monster.” Stan chuckled, pulling out a camera and taking a picture of Dipper with the beavers. “Cute kid.”  
  
Mabel ran over and joined Dipper. “Aww, this alone is worth it!”  
  
“Mabel, can we keep a beaver?” Dipper asked.  
  
Mabel shrugged. “Well, we couldn't take it home, but maybe if Grunkle Stan lets us?” She looked at him.  
  
“Oooooh no. In case you haven't noticed, we live in a stack of logs nailed together. The beaver would destroy the Mystery Shack!” Stan shook his head, crossing his arms over his chest.  
  
“Oh.” Dipper looked back at the beaver. “Guess you can't come with me, beaver buddy.”  
  
The beaver blinked, wriggled its nose at him, then ran off to get back to work. Dipper giggled and walked over to sit by the water, making faces at his reflection.  
  
“Well, we didn't find a monster. Guess the old kook was lying.” Stan shrugged. “Let's get back.” He started to walk back down the path.  
  
“Whoa!” Dipper got up and stepped back. “Uhhh, monster!”  
  
“What?” Stan looked over and gasped, running back and pulling Dipper further from the water just before the creature clamped its jaws on his head. “Run!” He picked up Dipper and ran, Mabel and Soos right behind them.  
  
“We're on land, shouldn't we be safe?” Mabel asked, looking over her shoulder. Oh great, the creature was on land now! “Uh oh!”  
  
“Bill, can you do anything?” Dipper whispered.  
  
“Kid, we'd have to explain things to your uncle if I were to help out now. Besides, that's not a monster.” Bill said, shaking his head.  
  
“What're you whispering, Dipper?” Stan asked as he jumped onto the boat. “Come on, everyone on!”  
  
Mabel and Soos scrambled on and they sped off, the creature in pursuit.  
  
“What does it want from us?” Dipper asked. “I'm not that tasty!”  
  
“Kid, I told you, it's not a real monster.” Bill said, holding onto his vest as they sped off.  
  
“Whatever it wants, it's not getting it!” Stan held Dipper close. “Especially if it wants to eat my nephew! I'll punch its lights out!”  
  
“Hey look, a waterfall!” Mabel pointed to it. “And I think I can kind of see a cave!”  
  
“Let's hope so!” Soos sped towards it.  
  
They braced for impact and sped through the waterfall, thankfully into a cave. Then they scrambled out just as the monster came into the cave after them and....got stuck. It thrashed and roared, utterly helpless to move now. Rocks came from above and fell on the creature, making a CLANG sound.  
  
“Huh?” Dipper climbed off the higher point they had gotten to and went to the creature. “What was that?”  
  
“Dipper, be careful!” Mabel called.  
  
Dipper climbed up to the top and gasped when he saw a door. “Told it wasn't a monster.” Bill remarked.  
  
“Uhm...Grunkle Stan? Can you help over here?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Coming! What's up?” Stan went over with the others and then stared at the door when they reached it.  
  
“I can't open it by myself.” Dipper stepped back.  
  
“Alright, let me at this.” He turned the wheel and pulled it open, looking inside to find... “Old Man McGucket?”  
  
“What? Huh? Ohhhhh, collywobbles!” He groaned.  
  
“Wow, he's _broken_.” Bill muttered, hiding behind Dipper again.  
  
“What are you doing here, McGucket?” Stan asked impatiently.  
  
“Well, no one would believe me about the monster, so I built this robot to prove it!” He gave a crazy little laugh. “And you actually believed it, didn't you?”  
  
“Yeah, until it got stuck.” Mabel pointed out.  
  
“Why would you scare us like that?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Yeah, not cool, dude!” Soos frowned.  
  
“I...I just wanted attention.” McGucket said, looking remorsefully at his controls. “My son has been completely ignoring me and even chasing me away, so I decided to try and prove that I'm NOT crazy, and maybe he would spend time with me again!” He looked up at them. “You have no idea what some of us old folks will go through to spend time with our kids!”  
  
“Well, why don't you just...ask to do something normal?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Well, in my depression about not finding the actual monster, I built this robot and just decided to drive it around! Building robots is really distracting and fun!” He gave a maniacal laugh. “Why, when my wife left me I built a giant robot and terrorized the city!”  
  
“And he wonders why no one likes him.” Stan muttered to Soos.  
  
“Aww, but that's terrible!” Dipper said. “You shouldn't get that sad! Right, Mabel?” He looked at her.  
  
“Yeah!” Mabel nodded. “Maybe you can try reconnecting with your son? We'll help you!”  
  
“Ohhh no, you're not.” Stan frowned. “We've spent too much time around this old kook already, let's unwedge his machine and get out of here. If there WAS a monster, he most likely scared it off.”  
  
McGucket hung his head, taking off his hat. “Oh, donkey-fizzle.”  
  
The kids sat back while the adults helped get the machine out of the cave and then they got back on the boat once McGucket's machine was free. While they sped off back to the mainland, Dipper looked at Bill. “How did you know it wasn't a monster?”  
  
“The thing wasn't _breathing_.” Bill pointed out. “McGucket's brilliant, but he can't make robots breathe.”  
  
“Ohhh.” Dipper nodded.  
  
“We didn't even think about that.” Mabel admitted. “Hey, do you know McGucket?”  
  
Bill sighed, sitting down on the railing. “I knew him. Years ago. But he's completely changed, lost his mind. I doubt he even remembers me.”  
  
“Could he see you?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Maybe. I didn't want to take any chances and have him pointing to some invisible entity on your shoulder.” Bill chuckled. “Though, it'd just feed the whole 'crazy' thought."  
  
Mabel nodded. “Hey...did he know the six-fingered guy?”  
  
Bill nodded, staring out at the water as they continued to speed off.  
  
“Hey, kids! Let's stop and actually do some fishing!” Stan suggested as the boat started to slow down. He turned towards them and saw they seemed focused on something behind the ship. “What's up? Do you see the real monster?”  
  
“Huh?” Dipper looked over. That's right, Stan couldn't see Bill. “Oh, no. We're just wondering where McGucket is, that's all!”  
  
“He better not scare off the fish.” He picked up the rods. “C'mere, I'll teach you how this works!”  
  
Dipper and Mabel smiled and went over to join him, Soos bringing the boat to a full stop.  
  
Bill stayed on the railing, smirking as he saw a monstrous form in the water that was definitely NOT metallic swimming off out of their sight. “Heh. Maybe the old man's not so crazy after all.” He remarked, then looked towards Stan. “Can he tell the difference, though?” He muttered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bill seems to be adapting to modern life rather well!
> 
> (A.N.: I might've goofed with some of McGucket's lines, I was going off of memory.)


	8. Wax

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan shows the kids an old attraction, a wax museum that used to be quite popular.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch & Disney XD

“A wax museum?” Dipper looked around in wonder.  
  
“Why did you have this all hidden away, Grunkle Stan?” Mabel asked as she and Dipper followed behind him.  
  
“Well, they stopped bringing in money, and I just kind of forgot about them after a while. Funny enough, that's when things stopped going missing, too. Hm.” Stan shrugged. “Anyways, I bought them from a garage sale at a remote home. The guy tried to tell me something about them, but I didn't really listen or care. Mostly just random history about how and when they were made, blah blah.”  
  
“Can't have been that long ago.” Mabel remarked, looking at some more recent people.  
  
“Heh, yeah, but my favorite is the one over here. Wax Abraham Lincoln!” He gestured in front of them, grinning, then gasped. “Oh no! Who left that window open?!” He ran over to the melted wax figure. “I made sure it was shut, and no one's been in here since I closed it up!”  
  
“Like a locked room murder mystery!” Dipper said excitedly.  
  
“Yeah, I'd say the wax figure died.” Bill remarked.  
  
Stan knelt next to the melted figure. “Yeesh...how do you fix a wax figure?” He lifted off some of the melted wax, frowning.  
  
“Come on, Grunkle Stan! Where's that smile?” Mabel poked at his face. “I'll make you a new wax figure from all this old wax!”  
  
“You really think you can make one of these puppies?” Stan gestured to the other figures.  
  
“Grunkle Stan, I'm an Arts and Crafts master. Why do you think I have this glue-gun stuck to my arm?” She raised her left art, revealing a glue gun and googly eyes stuck to the sleeve.  
  
“...Where did that come from? She didn't have it a moment ago.” Bill commented.  
  
“Never question the amazingness that is Mabel.” Dipper whispered to him as the other two continued their conversation.  
  
“I like your gumption, kid.” Stan grinned, pointing a finger-gun to her.  
  
“I don't know what that word means, but thank you.” Mabel smiled.  
  
 **–**  
  
“Do a tyrannosaurus rex! With a fedora!” Dipper suggested, holding up a doodle.  
  
“Or a waffle! With BIG arms!” Mabel held up her own.  
  
“Everyone else in that room was either a real person or based on a published work.” Bill remarked, sitting on Dipper's hat “I think that's a theme to go with.”  
  
“Why don't you draw?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Because I'd have to possess the kid to touch anything?” Bill reminded her.  
  
“Oh, right.” Mabel nodded.  
  
“How about someone in your family?” Bill suggested.  
  
“Or you!” Dipper grinned.  
  
“Kids!” Stan walked into the room in his suit-shirt and boxers. “Have you seen my pants?” He struck a searching pose.  
  
Mabel's eyes lit up and her pupils went big before she turned away. “Oh, muse. You work in mysterious ways.”  
  
Stan stopping posing. “Why is your sister talking to the ceiling?”  
  
Dipper shrugged. Bill had a bad feeling about what she was planning.  
  
 **–**  
  
After chasing everyone out of the room, Mabel set to work on her project. The other three (two to Stan's knowledge) sat in the living room, waiting for her to finish. Stan was watching TV while Dipper doodled and Bill made comments about his art to help him along. Finally, the door opened and Mabel smiled. “Voila! He is finished!”  
  
“Alright, let's check this out.” Stan walked in and jerked back. “HOLY—That's...really good, Mabel!”  
  
She beamed, then looked over as Dipper and Bill came in.  
  
“Holy shit on a cracker!” Bill hissed, looking at her handiwork. His gaze flicked down as he mentally counted. '1...2...3...4...5. Just five. Geez, I thought it was HIM for a bit!' He thought.  
  
“It's amazing, Mabel!” Dipper ran over to look at it better. “It's AMAZABEL!"  
  
Mabel laughed. “I love that! It's AMAZABEL!”  
  
Stan laughed. “You kids are so silly!”  
  
“Is there any wax leftover?” Dipper asked.  
  
“No worries, little brother.” Mabel pulled a cloth off a smaller hidden figure. “I made your T-Rex with a fedora. And added glitter to both!”  
  
“Oh boy!” Dipper ran over to look at it closer. “It's so cool!”  
  
“I think the wax museum is back in business!” Stan declared.  
  
“YAY!” The kids cheered.  
  
 **–**  
  
That day, Stan announced the grand re-opening of his wax museum. Things got messy when people realized the promise of free pizza that Stan had put on the invitations to draw people in was a lie, but everyone left without much trouble and now they were all relaxing at home.  
  
Mabel and Dipper were putting a puzzle together when Bill tapped Dipper on the shoulder. “Hey, can I borrow your body for a bit?”  
  
“Huh? Why?” Dipper asked.  
  
“I just wanna do something. Nothing dangerous, I won't even leave the building.” Bill assured him.  
  
Dipper shrugged. “Oookay, but don't swear.”  
  
“I won't.” Bill smiled, fading into him. Dipper's body slumped for a bit before he blinked one eye after the other and got up.  
  
“You better not get him hurt,” Mabel frowned as he headed for the door.  
  
“Relax, Shooting Star. He'll be fine.” Bill assured her as he left the room. He closed the door behind him and crept down the stairs.  
  
“Hahaha! Is that guy a loser or what?” Stan was saying.  
  
Bill crept over and looked into the living room. Stan had the wax figure of himself propped against the chair as he watched TV.  
  
“Heh, his partner reminds you of dad, doesn't he?” Stan pointed at the TV.  
  
Bill looked towards the wax museum and crept over to look inside.  
  
 _What's up, Bill?  
  
_ “It felt like we were being watched.” Bill said quietly, slowly opening the door and turning on the light. Nothing strange or suspicious in here...everyone was in their place. Where did that even come from? A movie that Dipper saw where museum figures came to life at night? Weeeeird, but not far-fetched. Might explain the “being watched” feeling.  
  
 _I didn't get that feeling._  
  
“Yeah, well, your intuition isn't that strong.” Bill walked out of the room and shut the door behind him. He shrugged and headed back to the stairs, pausing by the living room again.  
  
Stan noticed him this time. “Dipper, what's the matter? Can't sleep?” He asked.  
  
“I just wanted a glass of water.” Bill said.  
  
“Aw, alright. I'll help you get it.” Stan stood up. “I'll be back.” He told the figure as he left the room  
  
“You know that's a wax figure...right?” Bill asked as they went to the kitchen.  
  
“Yeah, of course. Of course I knew that.” Stan said, picking out a glass and filling it with water. “I'm just, heh, really attached to it, I guess.”  
  
Bill took the glass, starting to drink it. '”Really attached”, he says.' He thought, thinking about what he'd heard earlier.  
  
 _Aw, I think Grunkle Stan is just lonely.  
  
_ Bill smiled a bit in response, then handed back his empty glass. “Thanks, Grunkle Stan.”  
  
Stan took the glass and rinsed it out before putting it to dry. “Alright, now you should head up to bed.” He rubbed his head, smooshing his hat on his face, and grinned. “Need me to walk you up?”  
  
“No, I--” Bill looked at the door suddenly in alarm.  
  
“You okay?” Stan asked.  
  
“...I thought I saw something.” Bill said, walking over to look out into the hall.  
  
Stan walked over and stopped him. “Yeah, I think I'm gonna walk you up after all. I'll check for monsters under your bed, okay?” He smiled, walking out into the hall with him.  
  
They headed for the stairs, passing the living room, and Bill stopped short when he noticed something on the floor near the door. “Uhh...”  
  
“What's u—AHH!” Stan knelt next to the object on the floor. “Wax me! Who did this to you?!”  
  
“What's going on?!” Mabel ran downstairs. “Is Dipper okay?!”  
  
Stan looked at the figure that was missing its head. “...I think he almost wasn't. Someone broke in and cut off Wax Stan's head!”  
  
Bill frowned, looking at the head in Stan's arms. 'That's unsettling.'  
  
 _What, Grunkle Stan holding his own head? Yeah, it kinda is. But, yikes, that could've been ME?_  
  
'I wouldn't have let anything happen to you, kid.' Bill knelt on the floor, examining a strange footprint.  
  
“We should report the break-in, and see if anything else was taken! Oh no, the other statues!” Mabel ran into the hallway.  
  
“Mabel, wait!” Bill got up and ran after her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DUN DUUUUN! CLIFFHANGER!  
> Also, Bill used Mabel's actual name for once.


	9. The Mystery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone has entered the house, and Dipper almost stepped out while they were in the act! With the death of Wax Stan, the investigation begins!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

Bill found Mabel in the wax museum, looking over them worriedly. Bill walked over to her, feeling tense, like he was being watched. Could just be his imagination, though, statues don't _actually_ come to life at night and move around, that was just...bizarre!  
  
 _Yeah, but you're a demon and I never questioned that._  
  
'You thought I was a fairy. And that's not the point.' He looked at the statues, frowning. “Wait...none of the other statues were damaged in any way. But the door was unlocked.”  
  
“Nothing was stolen from the house. The only damage done was to Wax Stan.” Stan walked into the room. “I called the police to report the break-in.”  
  
Bill nodded, staring up at the statues. 'Why was only the Stan one damaged? Surely they would've gone for the rest too...' He gasped, looking at Stan. “What if it wasn't _Wax_ Stan that was the target?!”  
  
Mabel gasped and looked at Stan. “You mean...someone tried to kill the REAL Stan?!”  
  
“It was dark, and from behind you couldn't tell the difference.” Bill started pacing the room. “But it seems a bit extreme to kill someone over a lie on a poster. Do you know anyone you might've pissed off?” He looked at Stan.  
  
“Kid, you're acting really mature all of a sudden.” Stan commented, frowning as he thought about what he said.  
  
'Shoot! I forgot I'm in the body of a kid! Uh...' Bill struggled for a response.  
  
 _This reminds me of that detective show, “Case Closed”!_ Dipper chimed in helpfully. _He was always talking all smart and stuff, and said he heard that stuff from his cousin!_  
  
“I heard about this kind of stuff from the detective show 'Case Closed'.” Bill rubbed the back of his head and grinned. “Sorry, I just wanted to sound smart.”  
  
“Well, it worked.” Stan turned to go to the door when he heard knocking on it.  
  
“Grunkle Stan, wait!” Mabel ran on ahead and looked out the window. “Okay, it's just the police.”  
  
Stan opened the door and let them in. “Sorry to call so late.”  
  
“No, no. The law never sleeps.” Sheriff Blubs told him. “Now, let's take a look at the crime scene.”  
  
“This way.” Stan showed them to the living room. “My newest wax figure, made by my niece, was the only thing harmed.”  
  
Sheriff Blubs knelt next to it. “Hm, pretty clean cut. Someone knew what they were doing.”  
  
Bill walked over. “Is it possible they were aiming for Grunkle Stan, instead?”  
  
Blubs' assistant, Durland, looked down at him. “Well, yikes! That would mean that we've got an attempt at murder on our hands! And they might come back!”  
  
“Maybe it'd be a good idea to get the kids somewhere safe.” Blubs suggested.  
  
“We're not leaving our uncle!” Mabel insisted.  
  
Blubs looked at her. “This is a crime scene now, little girl. You can't be running around messing it up.”  
  
Bill noticed something out of the corner of his eyes and walked over to the side of the couch. “An axe?”  
  
“AN AXE?!” The others cried, going to look over as well.  
  
“They left the weapon behind!” Blubs started to reach for it.  
  
“Uh, wait!” Bill spoke up. “Shouldn't you check it for fingerprints? To identify the owner?”  
  
Blubs pulled his hand back. “Uh...yeah, we should. We'll go get our equipment, no one touch that axe!” He ran out with Durland following.  
  
“Kid, you really gotta read something besides mystery books.” Stan commented after they left.  
  
Bill didn't respond, walking out of the room. 'Kid, I'm gonna give you back control of your body for a bit. I wanna do some thinking without you listening in.'  
  
 _Aww, okay.  
  
_ Bill removed himself from Dipper's body and flew towards the gift shop, Dipper following. 'We can't rule out the possibility of one of _his_ enemies showing up and trying to kill him. But if that was the case, they would've shown up long ago!' He thought. 'No, it's definitely someone after Stan. And what was that weird footprint? I can't let anyone endanger this family, I _need_ them.'  
  
“Why are we in the gift shop, Bill?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Because it's quiet. Usually.” Bill shot him a look of fake annoyance.  
  
Dipper giggled. “So, what are you thinking about?”  
  
“Just trying to figure something out.” Bill looked over as they heard the door open and close again. “Looks like the cops are back.”  
  
Dipper nodded, walking over and rejoining the others. Bill flew over and landed on his shoulder, watching as the police checked the axe. After they did, they went to check the door for any sign of break-in and looked at each other perplexed.  
  
“Well, whoever got in must've used a key. And there's no fingerprints on the axe.” Blubs informed them when they returned to the living room. “Just in case the motive _was_ murder, we're gonna have to suggest all of you stay with a friend or something while we stake out the place.”  
  
“We'll find the culprit, hooooo-wee!” Durland assured excitedly.  
  
Stan looked at the kids. “That sounds good. I'll call Soos, ask if we can stay with him.”  
  
“Do you think the statues will be okay?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Little lady, we will make _sure_ that nothing happens to rest of those statues.” Blubs assured her with a smile.  
  
Dipper knelt down next to the body, frowning at the footprint in the shag carpet. “Weird shoe design...”  
  
“It stands out, for sure.” Mabel nodded, then pulled him to his feet as Stan went to the kitchen with the cops to call Soos.  
  
Bill looked at the wax statue. 'Were they going for Stan? Or...' He pursed his lips, shaking his head. Anything after the other guy wouldn't use an _axe_.  
  
 **–**  
  
“Are you dudes doing okay?” Soos asked as they rode in the car to his home – the police had suggested they leave Stan's car there to give the illusion of them being home and lure the attacker in. “That must've been scary!”  
  
Dipper nodded, thinking of how close they were to actually being attacked. Stan looked over at them from the front seat. “I'm sorry that you kids got mixed up in...whatever this is.”  
  
“Aw, don't worry, Grunkle Stan!” Mabel smiled. “I mean, I am a bit sad about losing Wax Stan, I put my heart and soul into him!”  
  
“You humans and your figures of speech...” Bill commented, sitting on Dipper's shoulder.  
  
Dipper looked out the back window. “I hope they find the attacker soon.”  
  
Bill looked out it as well. “No fingerprints...and they had a key. Or got in somehow without one.”  
  
Dipper gave a tiny nod, feeling excitement building up. A locked-room mystery! How exciting! He almost wanted to get out and check out the place himself. Almost. Mabel would stop him for sure, even if the others didn't.  
  
 **–**  
  
They went inside Soos's house and met Abulita, Soos's grandmother. Dipper took a liking to her right away and watched her cook with wide eyes, running to get something for her if she needed it.  
  
Mabel sat with the others in the living room, watching the local news talk about the attack. “They sure got word of it fast.” Mabel commented.  
  
“The news never sleeps.” Stan sighed. “Good thing we're not there, though the cops are gonna make it seem like we are.”  
  
Bill sat on Mabel's shoulder, watching the TV quietly. 'Who or what would actually want Stan Pines dead? And there were no fingerprints...and that weird footprint...' He sighed, rubbing his forehead. 'And how did they get in the house? Guh, if only I had access to my Sight...there were triangles all over that room, but thanks to _his_ curse...'  
  
Mabel noticed that Bill seemed distressed about something, but couldn't ask him about it with Stan and Soos right there. She made a mental note to ask him as soon as they were alone.  
  
 **–**  
  
“No...NO!” A shadowy figure clenched his fists. “You killed the wrong one!”  
  
“How was I supposed to tell in the dark? I don't have night-vision!” Another shadowy figure replied.  
  
The first one glared at the second one. “I'll do it myself next time, then! But we can't make a move again until they come back! And once they do...”  
  
The other shadowed figures chuckled a bit as he made a slashing motion across his throat.  
  
“Stan Pines will die!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who are the shadowy figures? And why do they want Stan dead so much? Will Bill, Dipper, and Mabel find the answer before the REAL Stan Pines is killed?
> 
> Haha, Bill is such a detective.
> 
> ((A.N.: Since I won't be updating for the next few days, I'm going to update all my stories before Christmas Eve so you all have something nice to read. :) ))


	10. The Conclusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Who attacked Wax Stan, and why? The answer is revealed during Wax Stan's funeral.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

After two days with no sign of the attacker, the Pines family was allowed to come home. The police assumed the attacker had left, but said to call if anything suspicious happened. As they stepped back into the Shack and made their way over to the living room, Stan let out a heavy sigh. “I guess that's it, then. We better start preparing for the funeral.”  
  
“Funeral?” Bill asked, looking at the “body”. “It was never alive.”  
  
Dipper and Mabel chose not to answer him, with Stan right there in the room unable to see or hear the little demon.  
  
“I just don't understand...” Stan knelt next to the statue. “Was it a tourist I pissed off? Someone from town? Were they actually after me, or did they just kill Wax Stan out of spite?”  
  
“All that hard work...” Mabel sighed forlornly, sitting next to the statue as well.  
  
Stan stood up, picking up the statue as he did, and carried it out of the room. Mabel followed, carrying the head.  
  
“And THAT is a sight more disturbing than anything I have ever seen.” Bill grimaced.  
  
“What?” Dipper looked at him.  
  
“Your sister carrying a human head.” Bill shook his head. “Not getting that image out of my head for a while.”  
  
“It's just wax.” Dipper shrugged. “She once helped carry parts of the science lab skeleton, and that was _really_ creepy.”  
  
Bill chuckled. “Hey, it's not as creepy as her carrying a freshly-dead head.”  
  
Dipper looked thoughtful. “True...but it is just wax. I mean, there's no blood or anything.” He knelt next to the weird footprint that hadn't been touched by anything. “This is a really weird footprint.”  
  
“It sure is.” Bill flew down next to it. “I've never seen shoes that leave marks near the middle of the feet.”  
  
Dipper nodded, reaching out to run his hand through it. “Well, the attacker's gone now.”  
  
“Dipper?” Mabel poked her head into the room. “Come on upstairs with me, Grunkle Stan said for us to put on black clothes for the funeral tonight.”  
  
Dipper stood up, nodding. “C'mon, Bill.”  
  
Bill flew up and landed on Dipper's shoulder, riding along as the two went upstairs. He looked back towards the room, frowning. 'I can't help but think the attacker is still here...'  
  
**–**  
  
“Kids, Soos, miscellaneous wax figures, thank you all for coming to attend the funeral of Wax Stan.” Stan begin, standing at a pulpit. “I know that some people would say it's wrong to love a wax figure of yourself--”  
  
“THEY'RE WRONG!” Soos declared, standing up dramatically.  
  
“Simmer down, Soos.” Stan motioned for him to sit back down and then turned to the coffin, the wax figure's thumbs-up sticking out of the top. “Wax Stan...I hope you're picking pockets in Wax Heaven!” Tears started to form in his eyes and he rubbed at them. “I-I got glitter in my...” He faltered and ran out sobbing, Soos getting up to follow him.  
  
After Soos closed the door behind them, it was just the kids, Bill, and all the wax figures in the room. Dipper got up and went over to climb the stool next to the casket. “Poor Stan...he really liked this statue. Huh?” He looked at Mabel. “Mabel, look at this! He's got a funny hole on his foot!”  
  
“A 'funny hole'?” Mabel walked over. “Oh, that's where the pole-thingy attaches it to the stand. All the statues have that.”  
  
Bill stared at the hole with wide eyes, putting pieces together in his head. “Kid...we have to get out of here. Now.”  
  
“But why?” Dipper asked.  
  
Mabel looked at Bill and then back at the statues. “Wait a minute...this matches that footprint! But that would mean that the attacker is--”  
  
“Standing right behind you?” A man asked in a posh, British accent.  
  
Dipper and Mabel turned quickly with a gasp. Bill let out a heavy sigh and looked over at the source of the sound as well. “....Well, fuck.”  
  
The statues had all come to life and were armed, standing in front of the seats set up. Dipper clung to Mabel, whimpering in fear.  
  
“Y-You're _alive_?!” Mabel cried, holding her brother protectively. “Are you...magic?”  
  
“Magic?” The statues started to laugh. “No. We're _cursed_!” The leader, Sherlock Holmes, declared as he picked up Wax Stan's head. “Cursed to come to life whenever the moon is waxing!”  
  
“I _knew_ it!” Dipper whispered to Bill as the statue continued to speak.  
  
“That just doesn't happen.” Bill whispered back.  
  
“Your uncle bought us many years ago at a garage sale.” Sherlock Holmes said, turning away from them to stare into the fireplace.  
  
“A _haunted_ garage sale, son!” Another wax figure with darker skin and hair sticking out said, moving closer. Dipper strained to remember what he was called but he honestly had NO clue.  
  
“And so, the Mystery Shack Wax Collection was born.” Sherlock said, shuddering. “By day we would be the playthings of man.”  
  
“But when your uncle went to sleep, we would _rule_ the night!” The second statue said. Dipper still tried to remember what his uncle had called him, but he was drawing a blank.  
  
“It was a charmed life for us cursed beings!” Sherlock said wistfully. “That is, until _your uncle_ closed up shop.” He continued darkly, thinking of how it had been sealed up and covered over until Soos found the doorknob on the floor and discovered the door. “We'd been waiting ten years to get our revenge on Stan for locking us away!”  
  
“Ten years? Try _thirty_.” Bill muttered, rolling his eyes.  
  
“But we got the _wrong guy_.” Sherlock continued, clearly unable to hear the demon.  
  
“No wonder the attacker 'never came back'! He never _left_! And what Bi—what I saw before Grunkle Stan stopped me from going into the hall was... _you_?!” Dipper cried, looking from Sherlock to Wax Stan and back again.  
  
“So that feeling of being watched wasn't just paranoia!” Mabel said, shivering. “We really WERE being watched!”  
  
Huh. Shooting Star never indicated that she felt that way, too. Bill made a mental note to ask her about it later.  
  
“ENOUGH!” Sherlock turned to them again. “Now that you know our secret, _you must die_.” As he spoke, all the statues took aggressive stances.  
  
“Oh, HELL no.” Bill looked at Dipper. “Let me handle this, kid.”  
  
Dipper nodded, letting Bill possess him. Mabel stepped to the side as Bill formed blue fireballs in his hands.  
  
Sherlock Holmes stepped back a bit as the boy's eyes changed and then picked up the axe that had been brought the funeral. “I see that you have a few tricks up your sleeve!”  
  
“Nah, just a friend.” Bill grinned. “Shooting Star, grab a weapon! We're gotta fuck these things up!”  
  
“I'm going to smack you as soon as you're out of my brother!” Mabel said firmly as she grabbed a poker from the fireplace.  
  
“En garde!” Sherlock Holmes grabbed an ornamental sword from over the fireplace and swung at them.  
  
Bill retaliated by throwing a fireball at him. Sherlock dodged and another statue was hit, reducing them to melted wax. Sherlock looked at the damage and made a mental note to avoid those fireballs at all costs.  
  
“Bipper, look out!” Mabel swung at the dark-skinned statue that Dipper still couldn't think of the name of, its head falling to the ground. “Oh, gross!”  
  
“Nice shot, Shooting Star!” Bill grinned, firing a blast of fire at the body and head of the statue before firing at Sherlock Holmes again.  
  
The wax detective quickly dodged again, this time a goblin-like man being hit and reduced to melted wax. Another two shots and while he escaped the blows, the two statues hit in his stead were reduced to melted wax. He would run out of places to dodge soon, and he quickly fled. Bill followed, ignoring Mabel's cries to not follow, and pursued the wax detective onto the roof.  
  
When he reached it, he didn't see his target. He looked around, fire at the ready, and caught sight of something out of the corner of his eye before he quickly moved back and barely avoided being cut down by the sword. While it wasn't sharp, it was blunt and with a swing like that Dipper would've been killed for sure.  
  
“You're quick!” Sherlock said, advancing on him. “But where will you hide now? I have the advantage on you!”  
  
“Do you really?” Bill grinned, looking past the detective.  
  
“What?” Sherlock looked behind him and gasped, seeing the sun starting to rise. He moved to run past Bill to get inside, but Bill fired a blast of fire at him. Sherlock moved to dodge, but his side was hit. “Agh!” He held his melting side, looking from the rising sun to the child with fire in his hands. No matter how you sliced it, he was done for. “But I'm not going down alone!” He swung his sword at Bill, knocking into his side and pushing him to the sloping roof. Bill gasped and scrambled to grab something, finally grabbing the gutter as the wax figure melted away on the roof and slid down past him, laughing at his inevitable fate.  
  
“Ugh! Unnngh!” Bill reached for the gutter with his other hand. “Okay...just calm down...you can do this. Just...float. You haven't tried it before in this body, but nothing says you can't do it. Just...float!” His eyes glowed brighter and he lifted into the air, a yellow aura around him, before he landed safely on the roof and the aura vanished. Then he slumped a bit and left Dipper's body, the possession too much of a strain on him after using that ability.  
  
Dipper blinked and looked around. “Bill?”  
  
“Still here, kiddo. Just....tired.” Bill set himself down on Dipper's hat. “Let's go back to Shooting Star.”  
  
Dipper nodded and ran inside to join her. He found her throwing melted wax into the fire. “Mabel, wait! Let's save some of this and fix Wax Stan!”  
  
“Using cursed wax?” Mabel asked.  
  
“I'm pretty sure ol' Abe was a cursed figure, too.” Bill said sleepily. 'Yeesh, too much power all at once. Watch your power usage, Bill.'  
  
“Oh yeah.” Mabel gathered up some of the melted wax. “Alright, let's fix Wax Stan!”  
  
She got her supplies and set to work, Dipper helping her get the statue out of the casket, and then he held the head while she started to apply the melted wax to the neck like glue. Then he handed the head to her and she set it in place, adjusting it and scraping off the excess before standing back to look at her handiwork.  
  
“Good as new.” Dipper smiled. “Mabel, you really are amazabel.”  
  
“Hey, kids, what was all the ruckus in—what in the world?!” Stan stopped in the doorway, seeing most of the statues gone and Wax Stan repaired.  
  
“We got attacked by evil, cursed wax statues that tried to murder you, but we beat them and then used their wax to fix Wax Stan!” Dipper said excitedly.  
  
Stan stared blankly and then walked over to the statue. “Good as new...” He smiled, wiping a tear from his eye. “I missed you, buddy.” He hugged it, burying his face in its shoulder.  
  
Bill watched, feeling slightly disturbed by the display.  
  
“Any chance this guy will come to life?” Stan asked jokingly.  
  
“No, I don't think so.” Mabel shook her head.  
  
“Eh, that's alright. He's fine as is.” Stan picked up the statue and left the room.  
  
Mabel watched him go and then plucked Bill off Dipper's hat.  
  
“Hey, what's the big idea?!” Bill squirmed in her grasp.  
  
“This.” She flicked his head and he held it in pain before setting him back on the hat. “No swearing in my brother's body.”  
  
“Yes, ma'am.” Bill replied, hunching over on the hat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that wraps up Dipper's first (and hopefully last) murder mystery! What will the Pines family face next?  
> Could it be...the futurely inclined?


	11. Child Psychic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the scare of the wax museum is finally over, the Pines children encounter the next supernatural wonder! And boy is he charming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Grunkle Stan, you're on TV!” Dipper said, laughing.  
  
“Huh?” Stan came into the room.  
  
“\--then come on down to Li'l Gideon's Tent of Telepathy!” The commercial continued. Stan made a face and looked at Dipper.  
  
“It had a clip of you coming out of the outhouse.” Dipper shrugged. “Why do you have an outhouse if we have a bathroom?”  
  
“Your sister was in the shower, I used the alter—it showed WHAT?!” He scowled and stormed out, tearing into the bushes near the outhouse.  
  
“Wow.” Mabel watched him through a window. “Oh, he found a camera. Well, it used to be a camera.”  
  
“What is it now?” Bill asked.  
  
“A piece of trash.” Mabel went back to watching the TV.  
  
Stan came back inside. “Alright, let me get one thing straight. No one in this house is going anywhere _near_ that Gideon! He's my business rival, and will likely try to use you to get at me. And even if he wasn't my business rival, he makes my life MISERABLE! So I better not hear of you even talking to that guy, you hear me?!”  
  
“Yes, Grunkle Stan.” They said in unison.  
  
“And if he comes here, you two will hide in the back and Wendy will shoo him out. I don't want him to even _know_ about you, got it?” Stan said firmly.  
  
“But, Grunkle Stan, what if that camera recorded us?” Dipper asked.  
  
“...Shhhhhhoot, you're right! That sneaky little rat!” Stan punched his fist into his hand. “If he comes near you while you're out in town, ignore him. Go into a store and lose him, got it? He's NOT touching my niece!”  
  
“If only he'd been this aggressive about 'Normal Man'.” Bill remarked quietly. Dipper nodded.  
  
“Speaking of going into town, we're low on milk and this kid likes it so I guess we gotta get it. Mabel, make a list of whatever we're low on and then take your brother and the golf cart and head for town.” Stan said, walking over and sitting on the couch. “And remember, if you see Gideon you're going to _ignore_ him.”  
  
“Yes, Grunkle Stan.” Mabel got up and headed for the kitchen. “Dipper, come help me take notes!”  
  
“Coming!” Dipper got up and went after her.  
  
 **–**  
  
“Can I?”  
  
“No.” Mabel growled.  
  
“But this is agonizingly slow!” Bill pouted. “Just a _tad_ bit faster?”  
  
“We'll wear out the tires!” Mabel shook her head.  
  
“But it'll be fun!” Dipper smiled at her.  
  
“What's _not_ gonna be fun is explaining why the tires are in such bad shape right after they were replaced!” Mabel sighed. “Just sit back and enjoy the ride!”  
  
“ _Fine_...” The two males in the car with her sighed heavily.  
  
“I mean, it's not like we'll run into trouble while we're on the—yikes!” The golf-cart hit something and was sent into a tailspin. She panicked and scrambled to stop it, but they were about to crash into a van and—then they were floating in the air?  
  
“Is everyone alright?” A young voice with a southern accent asked. A blonde boy climbed out of the van, gripping a stone that was attached to his bolo tie. “That could've been disastrous!”  
  
“Yes...thank you.” Mabel slowly loosened her grip on the wheel as they set down on the road again. “Uhm...Dipper, did you see what we hit?” She looked over her shoulder.  
  
“Oh, I expect whatever it was is long-gone now.” The blonde said as he approached them. “The creatures around here like to play tricks on the humans.”  
  
“You seem knowledgeable on the subject.” Mabel commented.  
  
“The woods here are like a second home to me.” He said with a wistful expression. “I know it well.”  
  
“Well, we should get moving. We're going shopping!” Dipper smiled.  
  
The blonde looked at their golf-cart. “No offense, but if you're getting any perishables they would perish by the time you got back. How about I give you a ride in my van? We can tow the golf-cart.”  
  
“I dunno...” Mabel looked unsure.  
  
“Sure, let's do it!” Dipper looked at Mabel.  
  
“Kid, hold up.” Bill nudged him. “Shooting Star, Pine Tree, let's talk about this for a bit.”  
  
Mabel looked at Dipper, then at the blonde. “Can you...wait a bit?” Then she huddled close with Dipper and Bill. “Okay, what's up?”  
  
“Look at his van. That's probably Gideon. But, he is wearing a stone that the author put information about into the 2nd Journal. So, which would you rather do? Listen to your uncle, or learn more about the Journals?” Bill said quietly, even though he doubted the boy could hear him.  
  
“He does have a valid point about the perishables...” Mabel said quietly.  
  
“And if he has the 2nd Journal, we can get closer to finding the author and maybe Bill's summoning circle.” Dipper whispered.  
  
“Gideon, come on back in. I don't think they're coming.” A man said, poking his head out.  
  
“I want to wait for their answer first. It's only polite.” Definitely-Gideon said calmly.  
  
“We'll take your offer.” Mabel said, her and Dipper getting out of the golf-cart.  
  
“Great!” Gideon smiled and stepped to the side so they could get in. “Pa, why don't you hook up the golf-cart so we can tow it?”  
  
“Alright.” The man – WOW, he was TALL! - got out and went to the golf-cart.  
  
“Mister, are you a giant?” Dipper asked with wide eyes.  
  
“A giant?” The man laughed. “Aw, no! I'm just big, little 'un!” He knelt down to look at Dipper. “And you really are a wee little 'un, aren't you? You're shorter than my Gideon!”  
  
“Dipper, come on!” Mabel said as she climbed into the van.  
  
“Oh, coming!” Dipper ran after him and climbed up the stairs to get in. Inside, it was all decked out with suits and there was a makeup table and different fabrics and a sewing machine and Mabel's eyes were shining.  
  
“Well, it's really more my trailer.” Gideon said as he came in behind them and closed the door. “Take a seat wherever you like.”  
  
“Can I...look around?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Oh boy, we lost her.” Bill commented as Gideon nodded and Mabel practically floated over to the fancy fabrics.  
  
“Are you an actor?” Dipper asked.  
  
“I'm a performer.” Gideon said, smiling. “I sing and dance and do magic onstage.”  
  
“Ohh, can I see some?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Well, you already did!” Gideon smiled. “When I floated your cart to keep it from crashing.”  
  
“Can I use some of your makeup?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Certainly.” He smiled. “I don't think we've been properly introduced. I'm Gideon Gleeful. And I'm guessing you're the beautiful Mabel Pines I've heard about?”  
  
“Beautiful? Goooosh.” Mabel blushed. “I didn't know I was so famous!”  
  
Bill frowned a bit. “Remember, this guy had a camera in your yard. Don't be pulled into his flattery.”  
  
“Did you say something?” Gideon looked at Dipper.  
  
“Hm?” Dipper blinked. “Oh, I'm Dipper! Dipper Pines, but I think you already knew that.”  
  
'Shit, did he hear me?' Bill thought. 'Better keep quiet around this guy. I don't think he can see me...'  
  
“You two have caused quite the stir. A murder attempt?” Gideon looked concerned.  
  
“Oh, right! That was on the news!” Dipper nodded. “Don't worry, the attacker's gone! He was made of wax!”  
  
“Yeah, creepy wax figures come to life!” Mabel shivered. “Talk about freaky!”  
  
Gideon nodded. “I imagine that was quite the fright.” The driver's door closed and the van started to move. “Looks like we're on the way now. I must say, I was greatly concerned when I heard someone was after Stanford Pines! We may be business rivals, but that doesn't mean I want him dead!”  
  
“We have a _civil_ rivalry.” His father chimed in.  
  
“My father and manager, Bud Gleeful.” Gideon gestured to him.  
  
“Are you gonna be a giant too?” Dipper asked Gideon.  
  
“Well, only time will tell that, won't it?” Gideon chuckled.  
  
They continued the drive exchanging stories and learning more about Gravity Falls and the creatures in the woods. Gideon theorized that they had been bumped into by a hedgeturtle, which is exactly what it sounds like – Mabel insisted on catching one someday and drawing it. Dipper wanted to keep it as a pet, which Gideon advised against as they tended to be violent if kept in captivity for long.  
  
They reached the supermarket and Gideon and Bud waited while Mabel and Dipper went inside to do their shopping. Then they were heading back up to the Shack. During the return trip, Gideon offered to do Mabel's makeup for her, which she ecstatically accepted.  
  
“No sign of another Journal.” Dipper said quietly to Bill.  
  
“It might not be in his trailer. Could be at his home.” Bill replied quietly. “Or on his person, but we can't just ask him to take off his blazer.”  
  
Dipper nodded.  
  
“Oh, I look beautiful!” Mabel smiled at herself in the mirror.  
  
“No, you looked beautiful before. Now you look enchanting.” Gideon said, putting the makeup away in its proper place.  
  
They got out at the Shack and they waved goodbye to Gideon as they drove home. “He seems like a nice guy.”  
  
“Yeah, but how are you gonna explain the makeup? Stan said to stay away from him.” Bill pointed out.  
  
“Oops.” Dipper and Mabel said in unison.  
  
“And we didn't even find the Journal.” Bill despaired. “With your phenomenal luck, you'll be grounded and we won't be able to find it!”  
  
“Poor Bill.” Dipper frowned.  
  
“You're back!” Stan stepped out. Mabel cringed guiltily, facing away from him. “Hey, what's up? Aren't you coming in?”  
  
“Uh....yeah, I'll go in the other door.” Mabel started to head that way.  
  
“Mabel?” Stan frowned. “What are you hiding from me?”  
  
Mabel cringed and slowly turned towards him. “Sooo....the golf-cart had a problem....and we got a ride from someone to town and back.”  
  
“Who?” Stan asked suspiciously.  
  
“...Gideon Gleeful.” Mabel flinched in anticipation of Stan's reaction.  
  
“You WHAT?! After I TOLD you to STAY AWAY FROM HIM?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, he's mad.


	12. Grounded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan is taking measures to ensure Gideon doesn't meet Mabel again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch  
> "Deliver me" by Sarah Brightman (1998), originally The Beloved (1996)

“Ouch, Grunkle Stan, not so hard!” Mabel tried to pull her arm free as Stan pulled her up the stairs, holding Dipper under his other arm.  
  
“You two are GROUNDED!” Stan pushed open the slightly-ajar door and pushed Mabel in, dropping Dipper onto his bed. “Until I say you can go out, you're not leaving this room unless it's for dinner or to work in the shop!”  
  
“Grunkle Stan!” Mabel protested.  
  
“What about the bathroom?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Tell me when you want to use it and I'll let you out, but until then you're going to stay in here!” Stan turned to Mabel. “And if you try to sneak out the window, I'm putting BARS on it!” He stormed out, slamming the door shut behind him. “I'm going out shopping, you better not sneak out while I'm out!”  
  
“He was really mad...” Dipper looked at his blanket.  
  
“Wow, I never thought that he'd get so angry over that.” Mabel sighed. “Wait, we just went shopping. What is he shopping for?”  
  
She got her answer when he came home and grabbed Soos' toolbox to start replacing the doorknob with one that locked, the latch on the outside. “Grunkle Stan, isn't this a bit much?” Mabel asked.  
  
“No, it's not. You don't know the creep like I do. Or did you forget he put a CAMERA in our BUSHES?!” Stan looked at her. “I don't want him taking you away and sacrificing you to some dark god or whatever! This is for your own safety!”  
  
“But he's not like that! He's nice!” Mabel insisted.  
  
Stan looked at her. “Have _you_ known him for ten years? No? I didn't think so. You don't know anything about him, Mabel.” He checked the knob to make sure it was secure and picked up the toolkit. “Now stay in here until I let you out!”  
  
“Grunkle Stan, can I use the bathroom?” Dipper asked.  
  
Stan looked at him. “Alright, come on.”  
  
Dipper climbed off the bed and followed him, Stan closing and locking the door behind them. “Why are you so mad? What did Gideon do to you?” He asked.  
  
“He's a two-faced creep that's after my Shack.” Stan scowled. “Every year for the past three years he's been trying to trick me into giving it up somehow!”  
  
“But why?” Dipper asked.  
  
“I have no clue! He refuses to tell me!” Stan looked at Dipper. “But he's not to be trusted. _Ever_.” He opened the bathroom door for him.  
  
“Okay, Grunkle Stan.” Dipper walked in and shut the door.  
  
Stan sighed. “If only his sister was so easy to convince.”  
  
 **–**  
  
“Why would Gideon want the Shack?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Maybe he found out something about it in the 2nd Journal.” Bill theorized.  
  
“Why would there be?” Dipper asked.  
  
“The author used to live here.” Bill said matter-of-factly.  
  
Mabel sighed and lay back on her bed. “I want to go outside!”  
  
Dipper sighed and curled up with the 3rd Journal. “Me too. Dumb Grunkle Stan...”  
  
 **–**  
  
Their days for the rest of the week passed as follows: Wake up, go down to eat breakfast, use the bathroom, go back upstairs, go down to help in the shop, eat lunch, use the bathroom, go back upstairs, go downstairs for dinner, use the bathroom, go to bed. Dipper was starting to get bored of the routine and was doodling in the dew on the window when he noticed something outside it. Curious, he opened it and gasped. “What the?”  
  
Gideon held a finger in front of his lips and floated over to the window. “Is your sister awake?”  
  
Dipper looked over at her bed. “No, should I wake her?”  
  
“If it's not a trouble.” Gideon whispered.  
  
“Okay.” Dipper climbed down and went to shake Mabel awake.  
  
“Nn, what is it?” Mabel blinked, then gasped when she saw Gideon at the window. “GI--” She cut herself off and spoke quieter, glancing at the door as she climbed off the bed and approached the window. “Gideon, what are you doing here?” She whispered.  
  
“I wanted to see you again.” Gideon whispered back. “I heard you were grounded...I'm sorry.”  
  
“Why do you want the Shack?” Dipper asked.  
  
“There are things in this town that your uncle had no idea about.” Gideon looked at Dipper. “Mysteries, dark secrets...this Shack is hiding one of the darkest secrets. I heard it used to glow at night.”  
  
“Mysteries? Secrets?” Dipper breathed. “It _glowed_?”  
  
Gideon nodded. “I wanted to investigate it, but he wouldn't let me in. So I've been trying to get the Shack myself so I can explore its secrets.” Gideon turned to Mabel. “But, I didn't come here to talk about that. I can't get the sound of your laugh and your lovely smile out of my head. I know you can't leave...but perhaps we could share a dance in the moonlight?” He extended a hand to her.  
  
Dipper gasped. “Like Peter Pan and Wendy!” He whispered. “Only, without the taking her away part.”  
  
Gideon smiled at him, amused by the statement. “We won't leave your sight, little 'un.”  
  
“Well...” Mabel looked towards the door. “Okay, just for a bit. Dipper, listen at the door, okay?”  
  
Dipper nodded. “I'll give you a signal if I hear him.”  
  
Mabel nodded and climbed up on the dresser, taking Gideon's hand. He gently wrapped his hand around it and she gasped as the glow around him surrounded her and she was lifted into the air. Then they were flying outside, still in view of Dipper from his spot by the door.  
  
“Have you danced before?” Gideon asked, taking one hand in hers as the other went to her waist.  
  
“Uhm, not like this.” Mabel admitted.  
  
“Then let me lead you.” He gently gripped her a bit tighter and started to sway with her in the moonlight. She looked up at him, surprised by how he was a bit taller than her when he was younger. Or was it just the magic making them seem that way?  
  
He smiled as they danced, humming softly before he started to softly sing.  
  
“ _Deliver me  
Out of my sadness  
Deliver me  
From all the madness.  
Deliver me  
Courage to guide me  
Deliver me  
Strength from inside me.”  
  
_He gently twirled her and then pulled her back to him, holding her close.  
  
“ _All of my life, I was in hiding  
Wishing there was someone just like you  
Now that you're here  
Now that I've found you  
I know that you're the one to pull me through.”  
  
_He started to lead her into a more active dance, but Mabel couldn't place what it was called and Dipper knew nothing about these kinds of dances.  
  
“ _Deliver me  
Loving and caring  
Deliver me  
Giving and sharing  
Deliver me  
The cross that I'm bearing.”  
  
_He led her through each step, graceful and careful, both of them glowing gently in the moonlight, still singing as they danced.  
  
“ _All of my life, I was in hiding  
Wishing there was someone just like you  
Now that you're here  
Now that I've found you  
I know that you're the one to pull me through.”  
  
_Mabel smiled and enjoyed his singing, he really had a talent. She let him lead her along, taking in the sight of the moonlit forest as they danced. She had never danced like this, never been held like this, and it was exciting but she also wondered if she actually liked _him_ because as nice as he was she barely knew him.  
  
Not that that stopped her from dating “Normal Man”.  
  
“ _Deliver me...  
Deliver me...  
Oh, deliver me.”  
  
_He twirled her away then pulled her back, holding her close as he continued.  
  
“ _All of my life, I was in hiding  
Wishing there was someone just like you  
Now that you're here  
Now that I've found you  
I know that you're the one to pull me through  
  
Deliver me...  
Deliver me...”  
  
_The dance came to an end, his movements slowing down as he held her close. “ _Won't you deliver me?_ ”  
  
Mabel blushed a bit and then looked towards the window. “That was, uh....really nice. And fun. But I should get back.”  
  
Gideon nodded and floated with her to the window, gently setting her down. “I'll see you another time?” He asked.  
  
Mabel stepped down from the dresser and looked at him. “...Sure. I'd like that.” She smiled.  
  
He nodded and then released her hand, floating back a bit. “Until next time.”  
  
Mabel watched him go, then closed the window. “Well! That was...an experience!”  
  
“A good one?” Bill asked as Dipper climbed onto his bed again.  
  
“Yeah. Yeah, I think so.” Mabel smiled and climbed onto her bed. “I liked it.”  
  
Dipper climbed under his blanket and pulled Bill close to him. “Okay. Good night, Mabel.”  
  
“Good night, Dipper.” Mabel smiled as she climbed under the covers. It was nice to get a break from the monotony.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gideon is such a smooth gentleman.


	13. Tent of Telepathy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan finally removes the grounding of the Pines kids and takes them to see "the enemy" in action.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

Gideon visited Dipper and Mabel a few times over the next few days and Stan had no idea what was going on. One time that he came in, Mabel had gone out to use the bathroom and Dipper was alone in the room reading the Journal.  
  
“What's that?” Gideon asked.  
  
Bill ducked out of sight and Dipper looked over, startled. “Huh?”  
  
“That book.” Gideon looked around. “Can I come in?”  
  
“Oh, uh, Mabel will be back in a bit. She's with Grunkle Stan right now, and he might see you...”  
  
“Ah, gotcha.” Gideon nodded, floating out of sight. Just in time, as the doorknob turned and Stan let Mabel in.  
  
“Now, assuming nothing sneaky happens, I'm thinking of un-grounding you two this weekend.” Stan said as Mabel went to her bed. “Don't screw this up, kids. I don't like doing this to you, but Gideon is dangerous.” He shuddered.  
  
“I understand, Grunkle Stan.” Mabel said, sitting on her bed. “We'll be good.”  
  
Stan smiled and walked out, closing the door behind him. Dipper went to the door and listened before he headed to the window. “Okay, he's gone.” He whispered.  
  
“'Assuming nothing sneaky happens' - how does he define that?” Gideon asked, floating into view.  
  
“Probably me sneaking out in the middle of the night.” Mabel shrugged. “He didn't say anything about _you_ being sneaky, though.” She grinned and got off the bed. “What do you want to do tonight?”  
  
“Well, we could go dancing again, or...” Gideon looked thoughtful.  
  
“Oh! He was interested in the Journal earlier!” Dipper held it up.  
  
“Shh, not so loud.” Gideon held a finger to his lips. “I was just asking what he had, but if you want to look over the book we could do that.”  
  
“Well, it's not fair for Dipper if you only spend time with me and leave him guarding the door.” Mabel smiled. “I'll guard the door this time.”  
  
Bill watched warily as Gideon sat down next to Dipper on the bed. Gideon traced his hand over the number on the cover, murmuring to himself.  
  
“Three...There's three of them...”  
  
“Hm?” Dipper looked up at him.  
  
“I was just noticing the number. Seems like this is part of a set.” Gideon smiled at him.  
  
“I was noticing that, too!” Dipper whispered excitedly. “Do you think the other two are in Gravity Falls somewhere?”  
  
“Maybe.” Gideon nodded, opening the book. “Hmm...no signature. That's unusual.”  
  
Dipper nodded. “Weird, huh?”  
  
Mabel motioned to them quickly, turning away from the door. Gideon got up and gripped the stone, flying out of the window just as the door unlocked. Mabel quickly but quietly went to Dipper's bed and sat down as the door started to open.  
  
Stan poked his head in. “Are you kids still up?” He raised an eyebrow. “Why is that window open?”  
  
“It felt stuffy, so we opened it!” Dipper smiled.  
  
Stan sighed. “Well, since this little squirt seems wide awake, how about you kids come downstairs and we can have a movie night?” He suggested.  
  
“Movie night!” They both got up. Dipper ran to the door with Bill riding on his shoulder and Mabel went to close the window, glancing around as she did. She didn't see Gideon, he must've heard and left. Well, they couldn't properly say good-bye with Stan right there, anyway.  
  
“Mabel?” Stan spoke up.  
  
“Coming!” She fastened the latch and walked to the door, stepping out with him.  
  
Stan nodded and let her pass him before he looked at the window with a furrowed brow and shut the door.  
  
 **–**  
  
“Alright, I'm taking the lock off.” Stan said the next morning. “Also, because I think it's best if you know your enemy...” He grimaced. “I'm taking you to the Tent of Telepathy. But you kids better not leave my side, got it?”  
  
“Really?” Dipper put the Journal in his backpack and zipped it up. “When do we go?”  
  
“This afternoon.” Stan set to work on removing the doorknob.  
  
Dipper looked over as Mabel came in, her hair damp from a shower. “Mabel, we're going to the Tent of Telepathy!”  
  
“We are?” Mabel looked surprised.  
  
“Grunkle Stan said something about knowing our enemy.” Dipper shrugged.  
  
“Once you see how much of a threat he is to our business, you'll understand why I don't want you involved with him.” Stan said gruffly as he worked on the doorknob.  
  
“What, you think he'll hold her hostage or something?” Bill muttered to himself.  
  
Dipper gasped at the thought and Stan looked at him. “Why, is he a dragon?” He asked.  
  
“What? No, he's not a dragon.” Stan chuckled and finished putting the old knob back on before he stood up. “Get dressed, you're still in your pajamas.”  
  
Dipper looked at his clothes. “What, they don't like lizard-print onesies?” He asked.  
  
“Mabel, get him dressed.” Stan laughed, walking downstairs.  
  
Mabel grinned and shut the door, walking in and going to the dresser. “Come on, silly. It's a magic show, not a sleepover.”  
  
“I bet Gideon likes lizard-print onesies.” Dipper pouted as Mabel picked out his clothes and helped him unzip the pajamas.  
  
Bill shook his head, deciding to keep his mouth shut on the matter of Dipper's infant-like nightwear.  
  
 **–**  
  
“Well, now! I didn't ever expect you to come, Mr. Pines!” Bud Gleeful said with a grin s he took money at the door. “I'll waive the fee, you and your cute little family can get in free!”  
  
“Right. Whatever.” Stan eyed him suspiciously as he led the kids in. They took a seat near the front and waited for the show to begin.  
  
Bud Gleeful came down and started to play on a piano near the stage. “Ladies and Gentlemen, here to mystify you and dazzle your mind, he's back home in Gravity Falls after his cross-country tour – Little Gideon!” He announced into a microphone as he played.  
  
The curtain parted and Gideon stood in the middle of the stage, dressed in a blue suit with a white cape on. “Hello, Gravity Falls! I can't tell you how great it is to be back home again! I really missed all your faces! In fact, I feel my love for you all just flying out!” He clapped his hands and doves flew out of his hair, earning gasps of excitement from the crowd.  
  
“How did he hide those in there?” Bill muttered from Dipper's slightly-open backpack. “A pocket-dimension?”  
  
“My, it looks like my magic is really excited!” Gideon giggled. “I think I'm ready to show you some more!” He took off his cape and threw it to a random person in the audience before he started to dance, singing as he did. “Oh, I can see what others can't see. It ain't some side-show trick, it's innate ability!” He waved his fingers in front of his eyes.  
  
“Yeah, sure.” Stan muttered, looking over at a few members in the audience fighting over the cape.  
  
“Where others are blind, I am futurely-inclined. And you too could see – if you was widdle ol' me!” Gideon continued, chuckling at the end of the sentence.  
  
“As if.” Bill muttered with a huff. “Humans aren't--”  
  
“Now, everybody rise up!” Gideon said, stepping forward as he clasped the stone. Stan scowled as everyone moved at once, even when he didn't want to, and stood in front of their seats. “I want y'all to keep it going!” He motioned with his hand. “Keep it going!”  
  
The crowd started to clap in time to the song as he continued to sing, pointing to an old lady with two cats that had somehow kept her sitting down. “You wish your son would call you more.”  
  
“I'm leaving everything to my cats!” She declared angrily.  
  
He turned to Sheriff Blubs, who was sitting with a bunch of merchandise. “I sense that you've been here before.” He sang.  
  
“Aw, what gave it away?” Blubs asked with a smile.  
  
“Oh, come on.” Stan rolled his eyes, then gasped when he saw Gideon had slipped to Mabel's side without his notice.  
  
“I'll read your mind if I'm able.” He sang with a wink to her. “Something tells me your name's 'Mabel'.”  
  
“Aww.” Mabel blushed as he moved away to return to the stage.  
  
“So welcome, all ye, to the Tent of Telepathy.” Gideon sang, standing in the center once more. “And thanks for visitin'...” He winked at the crowd before finishing. “Widdle ol' me!” He danced around in a circle and a neon banner with his name came down as flame effects went off. Then the curtain dropped and then he came out again, holding a bottle of water as the crowd cheered. “Thank you!” He waved happily. “You people are the _real_ miracles!”  
  
“Whoo! Yeah-haha!” Mabel and Dipper cheered together.  
  
After the show was over, Stan led them out of the tent. “You see? All those people there, and the getting up without wanting to and just...he's creepy! And a threat to our business! So, I don't want you hanging out with him. I won't ground you again for just talking to him, but if you accept a ride from him again I will lock you in the basement we may or may not have!”  
  
“Yes, Grunkle Stan.” The kids said in unison.  
  
As they left, Gideon looked out at them, looking thoughtful. “A basement...?” He murmured to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh, Gideon's being sneaky and listening in!


	14. Media

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When there's a slow news day, the reporters come out to play!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

****“Mabel!”  
  
Mabel looked over her shoulder. “Oh, Gideon!”  
  
He walked over to her. “Shopping again?”  
  
“Yeah.” She gestured to Dipper. “He eats like a vacuum cleaner.”  
  
“Vyooooooooooooooooo!” Dipper said in response as he put fruit in the cart.  
  
“You're not going to get in trouble again if I talk to you, are you?” Gideon asked.  
  
“Mm, well...” Mabel shrugged. “As long as I don't accept any rides from--”  
  
“Well, gosh! Gideon, is this your girlfriend?” A man asked as he walked over. Dipper sort of recognized him from the crowd during the Wax Stan unveiling. “You look so cute together!”  
  
“We're just friends, Toby.” Gideon told him.  
  
“Well, can I at least take a picture of you together?” Toby held up a camera.  
  
Mabel shrugged. “Sure, why not?”  
  
“I can give you a lot of reasons to 'why not', but you never listen to me lately, so _whatever_.” Bill said from inside Dipper's backpack.  
  
Mabel stood next to Gideon and they posed together as Toby took the picture.  
  
“Thanks! Oh, I have to catch the sale!” Toby ran off.  
  
“That reminds me, Gideon, why are you here?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Hair products.” Gideon indicated his basket. “Was thinking of picking up a batch of donuts to bring home, too.”  
  
“Oh, donuts!” Mabel's eyes lit up and then she drooped. “Grunkle Stan doesn't let me buy snacks with his money.”  
  
“Well, then I'll buy them for you.” Gideon said with a smile. “No one should go without donuts.”  
  
“Ohh! Chocolate! With sprinkles!” Mabel practically hopped in place.  
  
Dipper looked at Gideon. “Me too?”  
  
“Why would I leave you out?” Gideon grinned at him.  
  
“Yay!” Dipper threw his hands in the air.  
  
 **–**  
  
“Mabel, what is this?” Stan walked into the attic holding the newspaper.  
  
“What?” Mabel looked up at him.  
  
“This article!” Stan held it out.  
  
Mabel took it and frowned. “Hm...maybe I shouldn't have let the reporter take my picture.”  
  
“You think?” Stan sighed.  
  
“But, Gideon told him we were just friends!” Mabel insisted. “Dipper was there!”  
  
“Yeah, he said so!” Dipper looked up from doodling a gnome in a sketchbook.  
  
“Well, the thing about reporters is that they will make up a story to get reviews and both you and Gideon are big news lately.” Stan shook his head. “Whether it's a real thing or not, the town now thinks you two are a couple.”  
  
“Maybe I should've photo-bombed...” Dipper frowned at his picture and erased a line.  
  
“Or asked to join it. Either way, it's a big misunderstanding! We're not a couple!” Mabel insisted.  
  
“Well, whatever sells.” Stan sighed and walked out.  
  
“Should I add sharp teeth?” Dipper asked.  
  
 **–**  
  
“So, you're _not_ a thing?” Wendy asked as she watched Mabel stock the shop.  
  
“NO, we're not a thing!” Mabel shook her head.  
  
“If you were a thing, what would we call you? Mabelegideon?” Soos wondered. “You gotta admit, you two look cute together.”  
  
“But we're not!” Mabel insisted.  
  
The bell on the door jingled as it opened and they looked over. “Gideon?” Mabel blinked in surprise.  
  
He looked a bit ashamed. “Oh, Mabel, I'm afraid I've done you a great inconvenience. I should've just told him no from the start.”  
  
“You saw the article?” Mabel asked.  
  
Gideon nodded. “I hope this doesn't affect our friendship?”  
  
“Of course not!” Mabel walked over to him.  
  
“See?” Soos whispered to Wendy.  
  
“I'd like to make it up to you. Will you meet me at the park after you finish work?” Gideon asked. “You can bring your little brother.”  
  
“Sure!” Mabel smiled. “I'd like to go to the park!”  
  
Gideon nodded with a smile.  
  
 **–**  
  
“You keep your phone on, call me if you leave the park with the exact location you're going, and don't leave your brother's side. The last thing we want is media hounds catching you two alone again.” Stan shuddered.  
  
“I know, that was horrible.” Mabel frowned.  
  
“I shouldn't have taken you to the Tent of Telepathy, that's when they first saw you together, I know it.” Stan grumbled. “Well, go have fun, remember to call, and don't do anything preteens shouldn't do.”  
  
“I'm surprised you're letting me see him.” Mabel commented. “Isn't he 'pure evil'?”  
  
“Well...he IS your only non-teenager friend here so far...” Stan sighed. “Just be careful.”  
  
“I will.” Mabel smiled and kissed his cheek before heading out with Dipper right behind him.  
  
Stan watched them go, sighing. “I hope I won't regret this.”  
  
 **–**  
  
“Gideon!” Mabel entered the park with Dipper right behind her. “Sorry to keep you waiting!”  
  
“It's alright, I was free.” Gideon assured her, standing up from the bench he was sitting on. “Wanna walk?”  
  
“How about the playground?” She pointed to Dipper wandering off to it. “I better catch him.” She ran after him.  
  
Gideon shrugged and followed. “Alright, we'll follow him.”  
  
“It's a good thing they didn't see our secret visits.” Mabel said as she helped Dipper get on a swing.  
  
“That would've been trouble for sure.” He agreed, chuckling as he took the seat next to Dipper's.  
  
“Push me, Mabel!” Dipper said excitedly.  
  
“Okay, okay.” Mabel grinned and pushed Dipper's back gently, propelling him forward.  
  
“Whee!” Dipper laughed.  
  
Gideon smiled and kicked his legs forward, propelling himself forward. Mabel pushed Dipper again to let him go higher, her brother kicking his legs excitedly as she did.  
  
“Both legs at once, silly!” Mabel laughed.  
  
“Hey...” Bill poked out of Dipper's bag, which was left on the ground near the swings. “There's a guy with a camera watching you."  
  
“What?” Mabel looked over.  
  
“What is it?” Gideon asked, looking at her.  
  
Mabel leaned in close. “Don't look now, but there's a cameraman watching us...”  
  
Gideon got up and turned to where she had looked before. “...Let's get out of here.” He turned to Mabel.  
  
“Yeah.” She took Dipper off the swing and grabbed his bag, the three heading out of the park.  
  
“Jerk media hounds!” Dipper shook his fist at the cameraman.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, what a circus! Oh, what a show!


	15. Act

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> News is slow, why not spice things up?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Are they out there?” Mabel whispered.  
  
“No, I think we're safe here. Taking to the air to get here was a good idea.” Gideon looked at her. “You should tell your uncle that we're hiding from the media.”  
  
“Yeah, I forgot to call him when we were leaving the park and then we just kept on having to move.” She pulled out her phone.  
  
Dipper wandered over to a box and gasped. “Gideon, it's a little ol' you!”  
  
Gideon chuckled. “Yes, this is the warehouse that we store all my merchandise in.”  
  
“Can I keep one?” Dipper held up a box.  
  
Gideon shrugged. “Sure, it's a gift.” He looked back at Mabel, who was talking to her uncle on the phone.  
  
“Yeah, so we might be hiding out here for a little while. Uhm...might be dangerous to eat out or go to his place, can he eat at our place?” There was a pause. “Oh, really? That's nice of her to offer! I'll ask Gideon.” She looked at Gideon. “Wendy's offering for us to eat at her place, since there's no spotlight on them right now like there is on our places.”  
  
“The Corduroys?” Gideon looked thoughtful. “It's awfully crowded there, have you seen her family?”  
  
“Uh...no?” Mabel shrugged.  
  
“She has three brothers and a huge father. And by huge I mean he's tall and buff.” Gideon explained.  
  
“Wendy's tall.” Dipper said as he struggled with the packaging.  
  
“Let me help you with that.” Gideon grabbed a pair of scissors from his bag and went to help him get the doll out.  
  
“Gideon said that we might make a crowd with her family, will they be okay with that?” Mabel asked. There was a pause and then she nodded. “Okay, so we'll go to Soos's place instead. What's the address?” She reached in her backpack and pulled out a notepad and pen.  
  
“There you go, partner.” Gideon got out the doll and turned it off the demo setting for him. Dipper smiled and started to play with the doll, laughing at the electronic Gideon voice.  
  
“Thanks, Grunkle Stan. We'll try to be back by bedtime.” Mabel hung up and sighed. “Alright, Soos offered for us to come to his place. It's just him and his grandmother there.”  
  
“I'm really sorry about all this.” Gideon said, turning to her. “Before we go, though, do you want to see the view from the roof?”  
  
Dipper looked to over his shoulder, like he was listening intently to something, and then he whispered quietly before looked back at Gideon. “I wanna see!”  
  
“Is it...stable?” Mabel asked.  
  
“If either of you slip, I'll use my magic to save you.” Gideon promised with a hand over his heart.  
  
“Well...alright.” Mabel put the notepad in her backpack and pulled it on. “Let's go up to the roof.”  
  
Gideon smiled and motioned for them to follow as he headed for a ladder along the wall.  
  
 **–**  
  
Well, if _this_ didn't have 'bad idea' all over it, Bill didn't know _what_ did. He poked his head out of Dipper's backpack, watching Gideon warily as he led them to a spot on the roof.  
  
“Ohhh!” Dipper clapped his hands together. “We can see _everything_!”  
  
“Would you like a better look?” Gideon asked, reaching into his bag and pulling out opera glasses.  
  
'That's convenient.' Bill thought as Dipper and Mabel took one each.  
  
“I see the lake! And the Shack!” Dipper said excitedly.  
  
“I see a mansion!” Mabel looked in another direction. “Or is that a prison?”  
  
“Both.” Gideon said under his breath. “That's the Northwest Manor, home of the richest family in town.”  
  
“Why are the walls so high?” Dipper asked, looking in that direction now.  
  
“Because they don't like people.” Gideon shrugged. “Oh, there's the Ramirez residence.”  
  
“The what?” Dipper looked at him.  
  
“Soos.” Gideon said. “Don't you know his name?”  
  
“Seuss?” Dipper shrugged. “Like the author?”  
  
“No, it's 'S-o-o-s', and it's short for 'hey-sus', which is spelled like Jesus but Hispanic.” Gideon explained.  
  
“What's he panicking about?” Dipper asked.  
  
“No, Dipper.” Mabel giggled. “Hispanic. Like from Mexico? Or Spain?”  
  
“Ohhh.” Dipper nodded. “Yeah, like Maria in my class back home!”  
  
“Exactly.” Mabel nodded.  
  
Gideon frowned a bit, looking at the ground. “We'll want to be careful going back. It's been slow news, so they're hungry for anything interesting.”  
  
“Really?” Mabel frowned. “What do they normally report on?”  
  
“Anything remotely interesting.” Gideon shrugged. “You two are the most interesting things to happen here in a while. I mean, I've been out of town until now.”  
  
“I never thought about that.” Mabel said thoughtfully.  
  
Gideon looked at her. “What if we were to indulge them a while?”  
  
“Huh?” Mabel blinked in surprise.  
  
“What if we were to _act_ like we were dating? Then when we get tired of it, we can make a show of breaking up. Just to spice up the news.” He took her hand in his. “What do you think, feel like being an actress?”  
  
Mabel looked unsure. “I dunno...I don't think I could be convincing enough...”  
  
“Mabel, they think you're convincing enough when you're not acting.” Gideon assured her. “All you need to do is act like I'm your boyfriend. It'll give them something to write about for a few weeks until the next big town event.”  
  
Mabel looked thoughtful. “Well...I _do_ want to make people happy.”  
  
“Shooting Star, this is a bad idea.” Bill hissed.  
  
“I'll do it.” Mabel nodded.  
  
Bill slapped his hand to his forehead.  
  
“Well, then.” Gideon stood up and offered her a hand. “I believe the Ramirezes are waiting for us to have dinner with them?”  
  
Mabel took his hand and stood up.  
  
“Mabel, you'll be the best actress _ever_!” Dipper cheered.  
  
 **–**  
  
“So, you two _are_ a couple!” Soos said as he helped his grandmother Abulita set the table. “Why did you deny it?”  
  
“Well, we didn't want to go public yet.” Mabel said, blinking shyly. “You know, Gideon has so many female fans...”  
  
“Oh, I understand.” Soos nodded.  
  
“But, well, now that it's been made public we feel we should tell you before the press gets word.” Mabel continued.  
  
“Well, gosh! I feel special!” Soos smiled widely.  
  
“Thank you for letting us join you for dinner.” Gideon said to Abulita. “I hope it wasn't a trouble making extra?”  
  
“Oh, don't worry. I always cook extra, anyway.” Abulita assured him. “Now, let's sit down and eat!”  
  
“Dipper, put the doll away and come to the table!” Mabel called to him.  
  
Dipper put the Gideon doll in his bag and zipped it up before going to eat.  
  
 **-**  
  
After a merry meal, Soos offered to give them a ride back to their homes, which they happily accepted. He took the Pines' children home first, and Gideon walked them to the door.  
  
“Well, call me.” Mabel smiled at him as Dipper went in ahead of them.  
  
“I will.” Gideon took her hands in his and kissed her cheek. “Sleep well.” He nodded and walked back to the car.  
  
Mabel headed up to her room, giving Stan a good-night hug on the way, and was surprised to find Bill sitting and fuming on the windowsill while Dipper changed for bed. “Okay, what is it?” She asked, closing the door behind her.  
  
“Oh, do you actually feel like listening to me now?” Bill looked at her. “Hi, voice of reason, like to introduce myself. Do you honestly believe this is just an _act_ for him? He's been flirting with you from day one, sister!”  
  
Mabel rolled her eyes. “Yeah, right. Gideon is sincere.”  
  
“About as sincere as your uncle. Who, might I mention, is _always_ lying to his customers?” Bill floated off the windowsill.  
  
“Look, I have things under control.” Mabel walked over and picked out a nightgown before pulling off her sweater.  
  
“Oh, sure. Just like you did with 'Norman'. You would be married to a thousand gnomes if I hadn't come in!” Bill reminded her. “Don't trust him so easily! I'm telling you, it's not just an act for him.”  
  
“Bill, if you don't come to bed I'm gonna cuddle with the Gideon doll.” Dipper spoke up.  
  
Bill flew over and landed in Dipper's arms. “This isn't over.” He pointed a tiny, gloved finger at Mabel.  
  
“Good night, silly demon.” Mabel giggled, turning off the lamp.  
  
“One day, you'll be thanking me for my guidance.” Bill grumbled as Dipper held him closer against him. “One day.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No one ever listens to Bill.


	16. Real

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Mabel and Gideon go on a date, Dipper and Stan take some time to bond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls © Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

Naturally, the news that they were a couple was spreading like wildfire through the town. Dipper followed behind Mabel at Bill's suggestion to make sure that everything was okay, even though Bill insisted it was to see if they could find the Journal that Gideon kept. (He was SURE he had one!)  
  
Stan, of course, didn't like the idea of Mabel and Gideon being together. “You said that you were just friends.” He said to Mabel at breakfast one day.

“We _are_ , Grunkle Stan.” Mabel assured him. “It's just an act!”

“An act?” Stan blinked.

“Yeah, a show! Just until something interesting happens, Gideon said!” Mabel nodded.

“I dunno...I don't trust him. I think that I should talk to him and make sure he doesn't have ulterior motives!” Stan stood up from the table just as the doorbell rang.

“Oh, that's my date!” Mabel went to the door and opened it. “Hi, Gideon! Whoa.” She looked up at the horse he was riding. “I didn't know you could ride a horse!”

“I could teach you.” He said, offering her a hand up.

“Hey, wait! Take Dipper!” Stan walked over, carrying Dipper under his arm.

“Grunkle Stan, we can't _always_ have Dipper with us on our dates!” Mabel laughed.

“I assure you, nothing is going to happen to Mabel.” Gideon said, nodding.

“If she's back any later than six o'clock, you and I are having a LONG talk!” Stan pointed up at him, still holding Dipper under his arm like a football.

“I'll have her back by then.” Gideon promised, then looked at Mabel. “Hold on.”

Mabel wrapped her arms around his waist and then Gideon went “Hyah!” to get the horse going down the road.

Stan glared at them as they went. Then he felt a wriggling under his arm and looked down. “Huh?”

“Grunkle Stan, please let me down.” Dipper said, wriggling again.

“Oh, sorry.” Stan set him on the ground and then looked towards the road again. “I don't trust him...”

“Neither does Bill.” Dipper shrugged.

“Who?” Stan looked at him.

“Uh, my 'imaginary friend'.” Dipper grinned up at him. “I'm sure she's okay, Grunkle Stan.” He headd back inside.

Stan watched him go. “That kid needs some real friends.”

**–**

“While he has a point, I don't think that a guy whose best friend is a wax copy of himself has room to say that you need 'real friends'.” Bill huffed, watching Dipper coloring in a coloring book. “Why are you so laid back about them being alone together?”

“Because Gideon is a nice guy and you're both overreacting?” Dipper rolled his eyes, switching crayons. “It's not like she said 'don't wait up'. There's no reason to panic.” He glanced at Bill. “Besides, it was your idea to get in the trailer.”

“To find the second Journal, not to hook him up with your sister!” Bill floated over to him. “C'mon, let's go after them!”

“Even if I wanted to, I have no idea where they're going.” Dipper looked up at him. “Mabel knows to call home if she runs into trouble.”

“And what if they run into some other trouble?” Bill asked.

“Then I'm pretty sure that Gideon can protect her better than I can.” Dipper sat up, frowning. “Why don't you like Gideon? He's a nice guy!”

“I don't trust him.” Bill floated over to the window. “He thinks it's perfectly acceptable to float up to your room in the middle of the night, and then he goes and suggests they 'pretend to date'...I don't like it!”

Dipper sighed and turned to another picture in his book. “Do you wanna go explore outside?”

Bill looked at him. “Sure. Let's go exploring outside.”

Dipper closed the book and got up to put his things away. “Okay, we'll go explore. Because a restless Bill is a para...pair...uhm...”

“Paranoid?” Bill offered.

“Yeah, that! A restless Bill is a paranoid Bill!” Dipper went to grab his shoes and backpack.

Bill huffed. “I'm not paranoid.” He flew over and landed on Dipper's shoulder. “You're just too innocent.” He rubbed against his cheek affectionately. “And that's fine. You shouldn't lose your innocence for a few years yet. So many years of being a kid to go.”

Dipper giggled. “Bill, are you being cosmotic again?”

“Nah, I'm just adoring you.” Bill chuckled.

Dipper shrugged and walked out, going past where Stan was counting money.

“Hey, where you off to?” Stan asked.

“Just a walk.” Dipper looked at him. “Can I?”

“Not without taking Wendy or Soos along, you can't. Your sister's not here, and I'm not letting you go alone.” Stan looked towards the giftshop. “Bah, they already went home.” He stood up. “Wait a bit, I'll go with you.”

“Okay!” Dipper climbed up on a chair to wait, his legs swinging under the table and his elbows propped up on the table with his hands squishing his cheeks. 

Stan smiled a bit as he finished counting his money and then he walked out of the room to put it away. Then he came back in and grabbed his cane. “Well, let's get going! We want to be back by dark, after all.”

Dipper followed him out. “Grunkle Stan? You've lived here a while, right?”

“Thirty years.” Stan nodded.

“So, uhm, do you believe in monsters?” Dipper sped up a bit to keep pace with his longer legs.

Stan slowed down for him. “Kid, I know you and your sister believe the local folklore about demons and goblins and things that go bump in the night...” He stopped and turned to him, prompting Dipper to do the same. “But, I'm more concerned about the monsters that don't hide in the woods, but behind friendly smiles and silver tongues. If Gideon wasn't just a little kid, I'd never let him be alone with your sister.”

He knelt down next to Dipper. “There are people out there, kid. Bad people who hurt kids like you and your sister, just for the fun of it. So, to answer your question, I do believe in monsters. Because I've seen them. I've fought them. And our recent close-call with one is why I won't let you walk alone.”

Dipper smiled a bit. “Grunkle Stan, I meant like in the fairy tales. Besides, that wasn't a bad person that attacked Wax Stan! Have you seen 'Night at the Museum'?”

“Can't say I have.” Stan raised an eyebrow.

“In that movie, the museum exhibits came to life at night because of ancient magic! And that was what was going on with your wax museum. They came to life at night! But when you locked them away, they swore revenge on you, and mistook Wax Stan for you!” Dipper said excitedly. “And me and Mabel, we beat them up!”

Stan stared at him, taking in the information. “So...it wasn't some pissed off customer? It was a pissed off exhibit?”

“Yep!” Dipper grinned.

Stan looked towards the Shack. “Well. That's a relief! But, I'm still not letting you walk alone, kid. Even if it wasn't the case this time, there are some really bad guys out there who won't go easy on ya just because you're a cute little kid.” He looked at Dipper. “Promise me that you'll never get into the car of a stranger again. Or go less than ten feet from one.”

“Okay, Grunkle Stan. I promise.” Dipper hugged him.

**–**

“This has been really fun.” Mabel said as she and Gideon rode a boat on the lake together. “I bet Dipper feels left-out, though.”

“Well, you said so yourself that Dipper can't join us on every date.” Gideon said as he rowed. “Besides, he can get a bit of quality time with Stanford.”

“Heh, Grunkle Stan does like quality time.” She looked at the water. “Hey, is the Gobblewonker real?” She asked.

“No one's ever seen it, and with the old man making a robotic replica of it they can't even say that the few sightings are the real thing.” Gideon shrugged. “Wĥy bring that up?”

“We went looking for it with Grunkle Stan, but it was the old man's robot.” Mabel reached down and poked her finger into the water as Gideon kept the boat moving. “What's his deal, anyway?”

“He used to be a great inventor, but thirty years ago he lost his mind.” Gideon looked into the distance, as if remembering something. “I heard he used to work with Stanford Pines.”

“Grunkle Stan?” Mabel asked.

Gideon made a “hmph” sound. “The Stanford Pines that moved in here thirty years ago was a genius and a recluse, according to my father. I don't know what happened to him, but he's not the same.”

Mabel looked confused and looked at the water. “Maybe whatever happened to McGucket...changed Grunkle Stan, too.”

“It's possible.” Gideon nodded, rowing them to shore.

After they got out, he helped her onto the horse and they set off back to town. Mabel smiled and held onto his waist, enjoying the ride.

“Mabel?” Gideon spoke up. “I've really, really enjoyed your company.”

Mabel smiled. “And I've enjoyed yours.”

Gideon glanced at her. “What if...we stopped pretendin'?”

“What?” Mabel blinked in surprise.

Gideon tugged on the reins to halt the horse. “I'm sayin'...I think I've fallen for you. For real, not pretend. And, I was wonderin' if we could try datin' for real?”

Mabel's eyes widened. “Uh...sure, we can try it.” She smiled.

He smiled and urged the horse into a trot again. “Mabel Pines, you have no idea how happy I'm feelin' right now.”

Mabel wasn't sure if the feeling was completely mutual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of course Bill was right!


	17. Lie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Going steady for real is stressing Mabel out!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls © Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“I told you so.”

Mabel groaned, her head in her hands. “Yes, Bill. You've been saying that ever since I told you an hour ago. Can we focus on getting me out of this?”

“Oh, now you want good ol' Bill Cipher to bail you out of a relationship? News-flash, honey, I only get involved if yours or Pine Tree's lives are at risk.” Bill crossed his arms over his chest, floating in front of her. “The kid's nine, you don't even have to worry about your _virtue_ , much less your _life!_ ”

“But--”

“You disregarded my warnings before, now you can get yourself out of trouble.” Bill flew into Dipper's open arms and snuggled up with him. “I'm not here to solve every tiny human problem you have, Shooting Star.”

Dipper shrugged. “He has a point, you know.”

“I know...” Mabel sighed, flopping onto her back and staring at the ceiling. “Was worth a try...”

**–**

“You telling me it's no longer pretend?” Stan frowned. “You said it was just pretend!”

“I know, but he was so sweet, and I felt like I couldn't say no!” Mabel sighed. “And now he's invited me out to a fancy dinner!”

“Well, tell him that you've changed your mind at dinner tonight!” Stan said firmly. “And bring Dipper!”

“It's a reservation, I can't bring extra people.” Mabel shook her head.

“You'll bring Dipper or I'm crashing the date and dropping him off!” Stan said, storming out of the room.

“Oh no...” Mabel sighed, shaking her head.

When Gideon arrived to pick her up, she stepped out to explain things first, leaving Dipper at the door. “So, Grunkle Stan is going out, and can't take Dipper. It's some...'adult thing'.” She said, smiling apologetically.

“Well, I suppose he can have a seat at our table, then. We can't leave him home-alone, after all.” Gideon nodded.

Mabel nodded and turned to Dipper. “It's okay, you can come!”

Dipper walked over to Gideon's car, looking at the driver. “That's not your dad. And is this your car?”

“I hired a limo.” Gideon explained, opening the door for them to get in.

“Thanks for understanding.” Mabel said as she helped Dipper climb in and then got in after him.

“I know that he's first priority for you.” Gideon said as he got in. “You're a wonderful big sister.”

“Oh, goooosh...” Mabel blushed.

The driver shut the door and then got in to drive them. Bill poked his head out of Dipper's backpack, frowning at Mabel. 'He keeps flattering her, and there's not gonna be a breakup tonight.' He thought, shaking his head.

Sure enough, Bill watched as she was given a lobster she didn't want to eat for a pet, and then she was very dramatically asked to an upcoming dance, which was delivered by a trained bird. Did he care what the bird was? No. It talked, everyone in the restaurant heard, even Dipper was clapping, and Mabel had another date set up.

“Peer pressure is the worst thing ever, huh, Shooting Star?” He asked once they were home.

“I'm sorry, I got caught up in the moment!” Dipper said, sitting on his bed.

“No, it's...it's fine.” Mabel sighed. “What's one more date, huh?”

**\--**

One date led to another, and Dipper, Bill and Stan could see she was reaching her wit's end.

“That's it!” Stan stood up from his chair. “I'm going to end this myself!” He stormed out, leaving a frazzled Mabel with Dipper in the living room.

“What's he gonna do?” Dipper asked, looking at Wax Stan, who had taken a permanent spot by the chair after he had been repaired.

“You know that it can't talk, right?” Bill asked.

“Worth a shot.” Dipper shrugged.

Mabel sat on the couch, sighing. “Dipper, hand me my knitting bag.”

Dipper got up and grabbed it, carrying it over to her. “What do you think he's gonna do?”

“I dunno...you think a leaf-blower will work on Gideon?” She looked at him.

“I dunno.” Dipper shrugged.

“Better not, the most you'll do is ruin his hair.” Bill shook his head.

“That's true.” Mabel sighed, starting to knit. “I just don't know how to get out of this.”

“Well, look on the bright side. At least he's not asking you to _marry him_. I mean, you told him about the gnome trouble, right? It wouldn't be nice of him to pull the same sh—ahh, crap.” Bill said, sitting on the arm of the chair.

“I don't remember if I told him or not.” Mabel sighed, shaking her head. “Everything is just getting so weird...”

“Well, maybe things will calm down.” Dipper said, looking at the TV. “Maybe Grunkle Stan can talk his dad into calling it off!”

“I really hope he can...” Mabel said, knitting anxiously.

“Somehow, I doubt the guy who has been exploiting his kid's powers to bring in money is going to do anything to get between you two.” Bill scoffed.

“Well, it's not like _you're_ any help!” Mabel huffed at him.

“Humans have been getting in and out of relationships without the help of demons since the dawn of time. Unless he proves to be a _threat_ , I'm not getting involved.” Bill rolled his eyes.

“What do you mean you won't get involved? It was your idea to enter his trailer!” Mabel insisted.

“Come on, it's just dating right now!” Dipper looked at them. “Besides, Gideon's a nice guy!”  
“A 'nice guy' wouldn't be pressuring your sister into dating him!” Bill argued, shaking his head. “Look, as soon as he starts sending you notes written in blood or the head of some animal or calling you at all hours and not saying anything or even just says or does something threatening to you two, I'll get involved. Until then, stop asking me to bail you out when you blatantly ignored my warnings!”

Mabel sighed. “Maybe Grunkle Stan will put a stop to it...”

–

Stan was gone for an hour, and when he came back he was wearing a shirt that said “Team Gideon” on it and was carrying Li'l Gideon merchandise. “Good news, Mabel!” He called.

Mabel looked up from her knitting. “News?”

“You're marrying Gideon!” Stan grinned, entering the room and handing the merch to Dipper. “His dad and I talked and we've decided it'll be great for business to merge our—what's that look for?”

Mabel's eyes had grown wide as saucers and then she ran screaming from the room, leaving her knitting behind.

“Mabel!?” Dipper dropped the merch and ran up after her.

He found her curled up in the corner, her arms, legs, and head pulled into her sweater.

“Mabel...?” Dipper walked over to her.

“Mabel's not here. She's in Sweater Town.” Mabel said from inside her sweater.

“Mabel-Turtle, can you come out to play?” He placed a hand against the bulge of her knees.

“Mm-mm.” Mabel shook her head.

Dipper sighed, sitting next to her. “...Maybe I can talk to him.”

Mabel poked her head out at him. “What...?”

“Well, if you're a turtle in Sweater Town, and Grunkle Stan has been con...uhm...” Dipper struggled over the word.

“Converted?” Bill offered helpfully.

“Yeah, that. Thanks, Bill.” Dipper smiled. “I think I should talk to him. And if he _does_ turn out to be dangerous, I have Bill with me!”

Mabel looked at them and then pulled her arms and legs out of hiding, throwing her arms around him. “Thank you. Be careful, though!”

Dipper nodded. “I will!”

“Don't worry, Star.” Bill grinned. “Your little brother's in safe hands.”

**–**

“I was surprised to get your call.” Gideon said, opening the warehouse door. “You said you wanted to talk privately? And does your sister know you're out here alone?”

“I wanted to talk to you about her, actually.” Dipper said, walking in after him. “I think you should call off the wedding.”

“Well, first of all, that was my father's idea. Second of all...why?” Gideon turned to him.

“She's having second thoughts.” Dipper said. He felt so adult, saying that! “She thinks that things are going too fast. In fact, she's retreated into Sweater Town because of it!”

“And what's 'Sweater Town'?” Gideon raised an eyebrow.

“It's when she pulls in her head, arms, and legs into her sweater. She usually stays in there for hours, trying to avoid reality because she's lost control of her life.” Dipper explained.

“Uh-huh. And you're tellin' me that _I_ caused her to 'escape from reality'?” Gideon asked.

“Yeah, she says things are moving way too fast.” Dipper nodded.

Gideon sighed, walking across the warehouse. Dipper followed him, curious.

“I thought you liked me, Dipper?” He said as he sat down at a desk. 

“I _do_ like you.” Dipper replied, nodding. “And so does Mabel, she's just not ready to go steady.” He shrugged.

“If she wasn't ready, then my precious marshmallow would tell me herself.” Gideon turned in the chair to face him. “She's no coward, and I'm no fool. Why would you lie to me if you like me?”

Dipper stopped a few feet away from him, confused. “Lie to you?”

“Do you honestly expect me to believe in something as _ridiculous_ as 'Sweater Town'?” Gideon floated off the chair.

“Yeah, I think it should be called Mabel-Turtle-Form, but she named it.” Dipper shrugged.

“It's not the _name_ I don't believe, it's the _concept_!” Gideon raised his voice. “Why are you telling me such a bald-faced LIE?” The objects around them started to float. “You're sayin' that Mabel is _scared o' me_?!”

“Well, no, not you. Just commitment.” Dipper looked around nervously. “Though, you  _ are _ being scary right now!”

“Oh, you haven't seen 'scary' yet.” Gideon said, floating Dipper into the air. “Naughty kids that lie need to be punished!”

“G-Gideon, stop!” Dipper squirmed as he was lifted higher. “H-Hey, stop it! I'm getting really scared now!”

Gideon ignored his pleas, lifting him higher and higher and then flicking a wrist to open a box that had shears inside.

“Gideon, let me down! Down, please!” Dipper looked around fearfully. “Gideon, please! Ohh...BILL!”

“'Bill'?” Gideon looked up, his concentration broken.

“WHAAAAA!” Dipper cried out as he started to fall.

_Alright, kid, I'm taking over!_

Gideon saw Dipper suddenly glow yellow and then he was floating in the air, his eyes no longer brown and innocent, but yellow and slit-pupiled. “What in the...?”

“Is it my turn now? Because I'm sick and tired of this game!” Bill snapped his fingers and Gideon suddenly glowed yellow and found himself unable to move. Then he snapped his fingers again and blue flames surrounded the older kid. “First of all, let me introduce myself! Name's Bill Cipher, and this kid is under my protection!”

Gideon's eyes widened. What had he gotten himself into?

**–**

Mabel paced back and forth in front of the Shack. “Oh man...did I do the right thing? What if I sent him to certain death? No, Bill's with him, he's okay...”

“What's up?” Wendy asked, walking out of the shop.

“Uhm...so, I wanna break up with Gideon, but I don't know how to. How do you break up with someone?” Mabel asked.

“Dude, just tell them that you're not interested.” Wendy shrugged. “If Gideon can't accept that, then he really is a creep and you shouldn't have dated him in the first place – even pretend-dating.”

Mabel nodded. “I should go see him, huh?”

“Sure, if you wanna. Need a ride?” Wendy asked.

“That'd be great.” Mabel nodded.

Wendy got up and went to grab the keys. “Be right out.”

–

“Let's just start with one basic fact: Girls. Hate. Pushy. Guys.” Bill flew closer to Gideon. “And secondly? Sweater Town is a thing, and a lot of people do it.”

Gideon watched him nervously as Bill continued. “Third of all, you're nine. She's twelve. Happily Ever After can wait until you're older. Give yourselves a few years to make a few mistakes. Maybe she'll pick you in the end, maybe not. But attacking her little brother is a sure-fire way to make her _hate_ you. I could ruin everything for you, but Pine Tree actually still likes you, so let's make a deal, instead!”

“A-A deal?” Gideon asked.

“You swear to never _ever_ attack sweet little Dipper here, and I won't ruin your chances with Shooting Star – that's Mabel, by the way - by telling her about your tiny little _mistake_ today!” Bill grinned widely. “So, do we have a deal? Also, in exchange for helping Pine Tree with anything he needs, I'll nudge Shooting Star your way a little.”

Gideon looked thoughtful. “...I don't see any downsides.”

“Great!” Bill snapped his fingers and they both lowered to the floor of the warehouse. “Isn't it so much nicer to _get along_?”

Gideon nodded, running a hand through his hair. “Uhh...so, do we shake on it or something?”

“Nah, I think I can trust you to keep to it. After all, there's only a downside if you don't do your part!” Bill said cheerfully. “I'm gonna let Pine Tree take control now. See ya!”

Dipper's eyes returned to normal and then he blinked and looked around. “Wow, that was fast!”

“So...'Pine Tree'? 'Shooting Star'?” Gideon raised an eyebrow.

“That's our cosmotic nicknames.” Dipper shrugged. “We good, then?”

Gideon nodded. “I realize that I...rushed things. I'm sorry.”

“It's okay!” Dipper smiled. “I forgive you!”

They heard the door open and Mabel said, “Gideon! We need to talk!”. Gideon and Dipper looked over at her, and Bill poked out from Dipper's bag.

“It's alright, Shooting Star!” Bill grinned. “Gideon and I talked it out, he's gonna slow things down now!”

Gideon looked at Bill. “....That's what you look like?!”

“Oh, you can see me now?” Bill looked at him. “Hiya!”

Gideon gaped at him. “But you're...so small!”

“I don't think you're one to talk, short-stuff. I'm this size by choice, because Pine Tree likes it more.” Bill rolled his eyes at him.

“So...why did Bill get involved?” Mabel asked.

“Does it matter? Let's go home, I'm hungry!” Dipper ran for the door.

Mabel nodded. “Yep. Home to tell Grunkle Stan we're caling off the wedding.” She sighed heavily and headed for the door.

“That was my father's idea.” Gideon followed her out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bill is rather good at persuasion.
> 
> ((A.N.: I know that canonly Wendy can't drive, but I guess in this she's learning from Stan. She's got a Learner's Permit, and avoids the law just like Stan taught her.))


	18. Lamby-Lamby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wendy is babysitting the Pines twins when her friends ask her out to explore a spooky haunted convenience store!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Grunkle Staaaaaaan, you can't go out! Who will watch us?” Mabel asked as Stan pulled on his coat.

“Bud's invited me to a poker game with the guys, I can't exactly refuse, can I? Anyways, Wendy will be here to watch you.” He nodded to the teen, who held up a thumb. “You'll be fine. I'm off to be social!” He walked out, shutting the door behind him.

Mabel sighed. “Right, okay.” She walked over to Wendy. “So...any rules we gotta follow?”

“Nope. I don't really care what you guys get into, as long as it doesn't put you in the hospital.” Wendy shrugged. “Hey, you wanna go up to the roof?”

“The roof?” Dipper asked, interested.

“Uhh, wouldn't that be dangerous?” Mabel asked.

“Naaah, c'mon!” Wendy walked over and pulled aside a curtain, revealing a ladder in place. “This is the only ladder in this entire place, and it goes up to the roof. C'mon!” She pulled it down and started to climb up.

“Is it dangerous?” Dipper asked, climbing up after her. Mabel sputtered before following them up.

“Nah, dude, it's fine!” Wendy said, climbing up onto the roof. “See? Nice and stable out here.”

“Wow, check out the view!” Dipper smiled, pointing towards the treeline. “We can see everything from here!”

“Not quite everything.” Wendy grinned, then looked down as they heard a vehicle approaching.

“Wendyyyyy!” A group of teens called out. “Come on down, we're going to have some fun!”

Wendy looked at the kids and sighed. “I can't, I'm babysitting!” She called back.

“We'll survive a few hours, go have fun.” Mabel smiled at her.

Wendy shrugged. “Well, alright. I'll be back in a few hours, then. Don't get yourselves in trouble.” She hopped onto the tree near the roof and made it bend down so she could reach the ground.

“Was that really okay, Mabel?” Dipper asked.

“We'll be fine! Let's go watch a movie.” Mabel ushered Dipper back down the ladder.

“What are you planning to get into unsupervised?” Bill asked, poking out of Dipper's hat.

“Nothing! I just wanted her to go have fun, that's all!” Mabel said as they climbed back down. “Sooo....impromptu dance party, Dipper?”

“Can I dress up for it?” Dipper asked excitedly once they were on the floor.

“Sure!” Mabel laughed. “Go get it.”

“Okay! Here, hold Bill.” Dipper handed Bill to Mabel and ran off upstairs, stumbling on them a bit before running on.

“Get what?” Bill looked at Mabel.

“You'll see.” Mabel smiled.

A bit later, Dipper came down in a full-body lamb costume, complete with a little bed. “Okay! Dance party! Mabel, you should dress up, too!”

Mabel laughed. “Which one?”

“Um...how about the princess?” Dipper shrugged, taking Bill back.

Bill lifted out of his “hooves” and flew around him. “This is...cute, kid.” He chuckled. “Gosh, you're so adorable!” He laughed, landing on Dipper's shoulder.

“I'll be right back!” Mabel smiled. “Why don't you turn on some tunes, Dipper?”

“Nah, I won't start without you. Bring down your CDs!” Dipper smiled.

“Oh, I will.” Mabel grinned and headed off.

She came back down in a frilly, pink princess costume dress complete with hat and sparkly shoes. Under her arm was a CD player and the other hand held a case of some sort. “Okay, I'm here!”

Dipper came over and excitedly took the CD Player, heading over to plug it in. Then Mabel picked out a CD from her case and turned it on, music blasting in the shop as they started to dance. Bill chuckled and floated alongside them, swaying to the music.

They went on like this for a while, switching CDs when they ended and losing complete track of time. When Wendy came back, she was pleasantly surprised and leaned against the door to watch them, not wanting to interrupt. “Ah, what the hell.” she muttered to herself, then walked over to join the dance party.

“Hi, Wendy! Have fun?” Mabel asked, looking up at her.

“Yeah, but it looks like you kids have been having more!” Wendy laughed as she took Mabel's hand and twirled her. “Why didn't you tell me about this? I  _ so  _ would've stayed!”

“We didn't think you'd like it. It's not an adult thing.” Dipper said as he continued to dance.

“Are you kidding? I'm having a blast!” Wendy picked him up and spun him around before setting him back down. “Besides, do I look like an adult? I mean, c'mon.”

Dipper shrugged, his bell jingling with the motion. “Well, we didn't know.”

“I'm surprised you didn't invite Gideon over.” Wendy remarked, looking around. “Are you guys pals or something?”

“Gideon had work.” Mabel shrugged. “He couldn't let down his fans. But, that's okay!” She grabbed Dipper's “hoof” and spun him around before twirling away from him.

“I thought his dad was at a poker game?” Wendy asked.

“Maybe he's using a recorded piano piece to sing along? Or he's doing a different kind of show?” Mabel shrugged. “He's a psychic, I doubt all he does is sing and dance.”

Wendy shrugged. “Eh, okay.”

“Enough 'eh, okay'! Spin me again!” Dipper reached up to her on his tiptoes, his lamb ears flopping with the motion.

Wendy laughed and picked him up, spinning him around. Dipper squealed with glee and then hugged her when the spinning stopped.

“Whoa!” Wendy laughed, holding him close. “Aww, is it cuddle time?”

“I wanna cuddle, too!” Mabel reached up to her.

“How about we put this stuff away and then we can cuddle in your uncle's chair?” Wendy suggested.

“Okay!” Mabel went to turn off the music.

“Do we have to change?” Dipper asked.

“No, you don't have to if you don't want to.” Wendy said, carrying him into the living room.

“Wow, you're strong, Wendy!” Dipper said as he was carried.

Mabel smiled and went upstairs to put the music away and change into something less poofy.

**–**

They were watching cartoons when Wendy got a text from her friends and opened it.

**[Goin 2 Dusk 2 Dawn tonite. Join us?]**

Wendy smiled a bit and typed back a reply.  **[Still babysitting.]**

**[Lame. When are you going to be done?]**

Wendy chuckled a bit at Robbie's sudden text. He must've heard from Tambry. She typed out a reply to him.  **[No idea, Rob. You'll just have to go without me.]**

“Can't we just come along?”

Wendy yelped and looked to her side to see Dipper looked over her arm at her texts. “What?”

“Can't we just come along? I promise I'll be good.” He looked up at her, eyes wide.

Wendy looked at Mabel. “Uh, Mabel? Your brother wants to go to a potentially-haunted old store tonight. I mean, my friends were inviting me, and I was gonna say no, but--”

“Oh, cool!” Mabel hopped up. “Dipper  _ loves _ mysteries and ghosts! Why didn't you tell us there was a place like that? Sure, let's go!”

Wendy pursed her lips and texted Robbie.  **[Kids found out, wanna go. Apparently the younger one likes spooks.]**

There was a long wait for a reply, during which she guessed her friends were debating it.

**[Alright, but I'm not babysitting.]**

Typical Robbie.

**[We'll be by to pick you up in fifteen, be ready. Might wanna bring flashlights.]**

Wendy nodded. “Okay, kids. We're going into a spooky old convenience store. You got any sneaky equipment?”

“Oh! I've got a bag for mysteries!” Dipper scrambled off her lap and clop-clopped his way upstairs.

“He's not going to change, is he?” Wendy asked.

“Nope. He loves that outfit, once he puts it on we have to wrestle it off him.” Mabel grinned.

“I remember when my younger brothers used to be that cute.” Wendy smiled wistfully.

Dipper came back down, carrying a bag and wearing his backpack over his costume. “Okay, we're ready to go!”

Wendy got up, Mabel hopping off the chair. “Alright, let's go meet my friends, then! I'll introduce you.”

They headed outside and saw a van driving up to them. “Hey, Thompson!” She waved to the driver.

The door opened and a black-haired lanky teen in a black, hooded sweater with some kind of stitched heart design came out. Dipper heard Bill gasp softly and guessed that this guy must be some kind of interesting to the Cosmos.

“Yeesh.” The teen walked over and looked at Dipper and Mabel. “How young are you kids, anyway?”

“I'm 7!” Dipper smiled. “I'll be 8 at the end of summer, though!”

“I'm 12, almost 13. We were born on the same day, but different years.” Mabel said, hugging Dipper. “I thought it was the best birthday present!”

The teen shrugged. “Whatever. I'm Robbie.” He held out a hand.

Mabel shook it, noticing his fingerless gloves. “Nice! Fingerless gloves!”

“Like they wear in fight games!” Dipper piped up with a smile.

“Are you gonna be wearing that tonight?” Robbie looked at Dipper, poking at his bell.

“Uh-huh!” Dipper nodded, making said bell jingle.

Robbie looked at Wendy and raised an eyebrow before shrugging. “Again, whatever. Let's get going, Wendy.” He headed for the van.

“We're gonna find spooks!” Dipper said excitedly as Wendy ushered the kids in and shut the door.

“Shh, not so loud. Oh yeah, this is Tambry, Lee, Nate, Thompson, and you already met Robbie.” Wendy said, indicating each person as Mabel buckled them both in.

“Hi!” Dipper said with a bit smile.

Bill didn't react to any of the others, so clearly Robbie was the only person that mattered to the Cosmos. Actually, did Wendy? He hadn't heard anything about her, either.

“I'm Mabel! And this is my brother Dipper!” Mabel said with a big smile.

“Hey, Mabel!”   
“S'up?”   
“Why is he in a lamb costume?”   
“Is that a real bell?” The answers came at the same time and Dipper and Mabel couldn't keep trac of who said what. 

“I'm in a lamb costume because I like it!” Dipper said, nodding firmly. “And, yes, it's a real bell.” He poked it to make it jingle as proof. “See?”

“Hey, wait a minute!” One of the guys, Lee, looked at Mabel closer. “I've seen you in the news! Aren't you dating that Gideon kid?”

“I heard rumor of a wedding.” Tambry commented.

“Our guardians had that idea, Gideon and I decided a wedding was  _ way _ too fast.” Mabel said, waving her hands frantically. “Yes, I'm the girl dating Gideon. Hi.”

“And didn't you nearly get killed?” The darker-skinned guy, Nate, asked Dipper.

'Which time?' Dipper thought. 'Wait, they must mean the break-in incident.' He nodded. “Yeah, that was scary!”

“Talk about intense. Wendy, how come you didn't say you were babysitting celebrities?” Lee asked.

Wendy shrugged. “Far as I care, they're just my boss's family.”

“Can I take your picture?” Tambry asked Dipper.

“Sure!” Dipper smiled, posing cutely for it.

“You're so tiny, are those belts fitting alright?” Wendy asked him.

“Hey, where'd you get the costume?” Robbie asked, deciding to join in the conversation.

“My mom made it!” Dipper smiled. “I've even got a little song and dance for it, wanna see?”

“Eh, maybe later, kid.” Robbie looked out the window at the passing scenery.

They arrived at a dark convenience store with a tall fence around it. Rather than be deterred bit it, Dipper excitedly got out, threw his mystery bag over the fence, and started trying to climb it.

“Kid. Kid!” Bill tugged on his arm. “You're tiny, you can fit in that hole there a dog broke in.” He pointed to it.

Dipper looked over at it and shrugged, continuing to climb. The teens followed suit, playfully shoving each other as he climbed.

“Well, if there are any ghosts in there, I bet they know we're here now. Gosh, what a racket.” Bill mumbled, going back into Dipper's backpack.

They got to the other side and the teens high-fived as Mabel checked to see if Dipper was okay.

“I'm fine, Mabel! Let's go find some ghosts!” He hopped in place and went to try pushing against the door. “Aww, it won't open!”

“Let me try.” Robbie nudged him out of the way and gripped the handle, trying to pull it open.

“Kid. Pst.” Bill tugged on his arm again and pointed to a vent just big enough for Dipper to get in. 

Dipper nodded and went around the building. “Can you float me up there?” He whispered.

Bill nodded and focused his powers on Dipper, floating him up to the roof.

“Kid!” They heard Lee cry out. “What are you doing up there?!”

“How did you even get up there?” Mabel asked, looking around for a ladder. She had her suspicions how he got up, of course, and when she saw Bill dart into Dipper's backpack she knew for sure.

“I'll let you guys in, wait here!” Dipper climbed into the vent.

“Dipper, wait!” Mabel cried out, but he was already in. “Oh, man...” She slapped a hand to her face.

The teens and Mabel waited anxiously to see if Dipper was alright and let out collective sighs of relief when he opened the door and smiled at them. “Dipper, don't EVER do something like that without telling me again, okay?” Mabel said, placing her hand on Dipper's shoulder and handing him his bag with the other hand.

“Sorry.” He grinned, pushing the door open wider.

“Look, now your suit is all messy. We have to hand-wash it, you know.” Mabel playfully flicked his nose and Dipper wriggled it in response.

“That's okay, it'll survive a washing. Now, spooks and mysteries!” He ran in.

“Dipper!” Mabel ran in after him, the teens walking in.

“Found the light-switch.” Robbie said as the lights turned on.

“Whoa, look at all this!”   
“They still have meat in this thing?”  
“I wonder why no one cleaned it out when they got the bodies?”  
“Look, an arcade game!”  
“Whoa, are those cameras still working?”

“Dipper? Mabel?” Wendy looked around for them and left the group to look around. She found Dipper and Mabel by the Smile Dip display.

“No, Mabel! Last time you had this stuff, you got all weird!” Dipper insisted.

“I'm just going to have one.” Mabel said, taking one down and opening it.

“Mabel!” Dipper crossed his arms over his chest.

“I'm old enough to make my own potentially-bad choices.” Mabel said, scooping some out with the provided stick. “You sound like Bill when you tell me off; I'm the older sister!”

“Hey, Dipper.” Wendy walked over and knelt next to him. “Why don't you come play with us, huh? Thompson's gonna play that game over there, wanna watch?”

“But, Mabel's gonna get all stupid!” Dipper said as Wendy led him away.

“Whoa! Wendy, come look at this!” Robbie called.

“What is it?” Wendy picked Dipper up and walked over to where the teens were all gathered.

“Status report: Decades-old crime scene found.” Tambry said, snapping a picture and typing on her phone.

“Whoa!” Dipper squirmed and Wendy set him down. He pulled out his camera from his mystery bag and started to take pictures.

“Uh, Wendy, is it okay to show the kid this?” Nate asked.

“It's not like the bodies are still here.” Wendy shrugged. “Besides, he's having fun.”

“Hey, dare you to lie down in it.” Lee nudged Nate.

“No!” Dipper looked at them. “Don't you know that it's just plain disrespectful to the dead to lie down in the spot they died? Why do you think so many people get attacked by ghosts when they lie down in the bed someone died in in the movies?”

“If there was a ghost here, don't you think we would've seen some sign of it?” Nate walked closer to the outline. “Besides, he dared me. I can't refuse.”

“That's what they always say in books and movies, and then they do the stupid thing and—don't lie down!” Dipper slapped his hooves to his face as Nate did that very thing.

The lights flickered and shut down and then the doors slammed shut. Nate quickly got up and Wendy picked Dipper up, stepping away from the spot.

“I _ told _ him. I _ told _ him not to.” Dipper said as they backed up.

“I know, and he was stupid and didn't listen.” Wendy said, glancing around nervously. 

“This is the part in the horror movies where someone is attacked by the ghost.” Dipper nodded.

The teens looked around, making sure everyone was accounted for.

“Oh no...Mabel!” Dipper squirmed in Wendy's arms.

“Hang on, we'll go find her.” Wendy said, carrying Dipper with her. She was NOT letting this kid out of her sight tonight!

“Mabel!” Dipper called. They reached the Smile Dip and found Mabel's eyes glowing blue and lifeless before she lifted into the air.

“Uh...” Wendy stepped back from her.

“Bill?” Dipper whispered.

“That's not me, kid.” Bill replied.

“Tambry!” They heard the teens scream. Wendy quickly ran over and found Robbie picking up Tambry's phone, which Tambry nowhere in sight.

“Status update: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.” Robbie said nervously. “Oh, damn...we should've listened to the kid.”

“H-Hey, we're just gonna go now, okay?” Nate said fearfully. “We're sorry we messed with your tomb! We won't be baAAAAHHHHH!” He glowed and then vanished, reappearing as one of the sausages in the sausage machine.

Dipper whimpered and buried his head in Wendy's chest as one by one, the other teens were rounded up by the ghosts and put in different things. Soon it was just Robbie and Wendy left of the teens and Robbie had his arms around Wendy protectively. Then anything not nailed down started to lift into the air and swirl around the shop.

“Stop! Please, stop!” Wendy cried, holding Dipper closer.

“We're not going to mess with you anymore! We'll leave!” Robbie said, holding Wendy tighter.

“Leave? Oh, no. you teenagers aren't going to be able to leave and harass some other poor folks!” Mabel floated over, her eyes still glowing as a deep, booming voice that definitely wasn't hers came out of her mouth.

“Okay, that's creepy.” Bill commented.

“We didn't mean any harm! We're sorry!” Wendy said, her and Robbie backing away from the floating girl.

“And you think that will make everything better?” The ghost demanded. “You teenagers are the reason we're dead!”

“Wait!” Dipper squirmed in Wendy's arms, and the ghost looked surprised to see him, like they hadn't realized he was there until now. Wendy set him down this time, but kept a hand on his shoulder protectively. “How did you die?”

“Oh, it was terrible! We were being harassed by these awful teenagers, and they terrorized us so much that we had simultaneous heart-attacks!” The ghosts turned visible, an old man and woman. “For twenty years, we've been left alone, and then those teenagers came in started to harass us again!”

“But, that was twenty years ago! It's not the same people!” Dipper stepped closer, his steps causing a little clip-clop sound to echo in the otherwise silent building. “Can't you forgive them? They know they did wrong! Isn't there anything we can do to make you happy?”

“Well...we _ do _ like watching kids dance. Are you a dancer, little boy?” The old woman ghost asked.

“Oh, yes!” Dipper hopped in place, his bell jingling as he did. “I have a song, too! If I sing and dance for you, will you let them go?”

“Of course! Why we haven't seen children singing and dancing since before we died!” The old man said wistfully.

“Okay!” Dipper nodded, then started to dance as he sang, “Weeeeeell, who wants a lamby-lamby-lamby? I do! I do! So, go up and greet your mammy-mammy-mammy. Hi, there! Hi, there!” He gave a little wave in both directions before continuing, marching around in a circle. “So, march, march, march around the daisies! And don't, don't, don't you forget about the baaaabies!” He posed on one knee at the end, arms spread to his sides.

“That...was..adorable!” The ghosts said in unison. “Okay, we'll let them go. Thank you for the little dance, little boy!” They then vanished, lowering Mabel to the ground. A moment later, the other teens reappeared in the store, staring blankly into space.

“Okay...that was pretty cute.” Robbie had to admit. “Thanks for helping us, kid.”

Dipper smiled, then looked at the others. “ _ Now _ will you respect the dead?!”

They nodded and quickly bolted for the door, heading out to the van.

Dipper walked over and picked up his mystery bag before joining Mabel, who was slowly recovering from the ordeal.

“Okay...you're right. No more...Smile Dip.” Mabel held her head. “Ohhh...”

“Let's go home.” Dipper told her.

They headed out to the van. “Well, that was fun. Now I'm going to go home and re-think  _ everything _ .” Wendy said, grimacing. “Hey, you know what? Next time we hang out, let's just have another dance party.”

“Sounds great!” Mabel smiled, getting in the car.

**\--**

When they got back, they found Stan and Bud sitting on the couch on the porch. “I still say that he had his chance at the cotillion!” Stan was insisting.

“Well, it's not like he's a bad guy. People have their reasons.” Bud said, shrugging.

“Uhh, what are you talking about?” Wendy asked, walking over with the kids.

“Nothing! Totally manly stuff! Yeah! Uhh, now that the kids are home, I better get them to bed. Good night, Bud.” Stan opened the door.

“Good night, Stan. I better go make sure Gideon had a good show without me.” Bud stood up and headed for his car.

“Pff, I'm sure he did great!” Stan assured him, waving as Bud got in the car. After he drove off, he looked at Wendy. “Where'd you go?”

“I danced for ghosts!” Dipper smiled.

“Oh, really? In that?” Stan pointed to the outfit. “Looks a bit messy.”

“We gotta wash it.” Mabel nodded, leading Dipper in. “Thanks for the good time, Wendy!”

“Yep. I'm heading back home. See you tomorrow, Mr. Pines.” Wendy waved and walked off.

“See you.” Stan nodded, closing the door behind him. He then looked at Dipper, who was still in his lamb costume. “...Why don't you go get changed and I'll wash that for you?”

“Okay!” Dipper skipped away.

“Did you have fun?” Mabel asked.

“Oh, yeah. Bud's got a lot of friends in town, introduced me to all of them. Crazy day, and now I'm bushed.” Stan cracked his back and then walked over to the stairs. “Did you?”

“Yep!” Mabel smiled. “Wendy's friends were really nice to us!”

“That's good. I've always thought those kids were rabble-rousers, but I'm glad they didn't make you or the kid cry.” He rubbed Mabel's head and then walked upstairs.

He found Dipper changed into footie PJs with clouds on it, the lamb costume held out for Stan to take. Stan smiled and took it, kneeling in front of Dipper. “Alright, kiddo. Off to bed now.”

“Can you give me a kiss good night?” Dipper asked.

“Er, ask your sister. I'm not really...” Stan rubbed the back of his neck.

“Pleeeeeeaaaaaase?” Dipper's eyes went as wide as they could go.

“Alright, alright.” Stan looked around and then kissed Dipper's forehead, moving his bangs out of the way to do it. “Now go to bed, little Dipper.”

“Night!” Dipper kissed Stan's cheek and then headed into the kids' room.

Stan's cheeks went a bit pink from the unexpected over-affection. “Heh, kid's got me embarrassed...” He mumbled to himself, going into the bathroom to start washing Dipper's costume.

Mabel came up the stairs and peeked in at him before joining Dipper in the bedroom. “Ready for bed?” She asked him.

“Yep!” Dipper smiled. “Give me a kiss?”

“Gosh, this is the lamb costume's fault, isn't it?” Mabel grinned and walked over, kissing his forehead before going to change for bed.

“Bill, you too.” Dipper looked at Bill, who was pointedly facing away from Mabel while she changed.

“Do I have to? Isn't the cuddling enough?” Bill sighed and flew into his arms, kissing his nose. “There, happy?”

Dipper giggled and hugged him. “Good night, Bill.”

Mabel smiled and checked her phone, seeing a text from Gideon.

**[Today was hectic, but fulfilling. I missed you, though. Sleep well, my fair Mabel.]**

She blushed and sent back a quick  **[Sleep well.]** before setting her phone to the side and hiding her pink cheeks in the blanket.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dipper is very fond of his lamby-lamby suit.
> 
> ((A/N: I probably should've cut this into two chapters, but I couldn't think of a cut-off point after it was all done. *shrugs*))


	19. Susan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan is crushing on the diner lady and Mabel is determined to help him out!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Okay, Dipper. If we're gonna convince him, we gotta put full power in!” Mabel said, moving towards the kitchen with Dipper.

“Yeah!” Dipper nodded. Then they went to where Stan was reading the paper and said in unison, “Grunkle Stan, can we go to the diner? We're huuuuuuungry!”

Stan looked up at them from his paper. “...There's food in the house, isn't there?”

“But we wanna go out to eat! Pleeeeeeease?” Mabel begged.

“Pleeeeeeaaaaaaase?” Dipper echoed.

Stan grimaced and then sighed, putting his paper down. “Alright, get your shoes.”

“Yay!” They ran off to get their shoes on. Stan smiled a bit and went to grab his coat and car keys.

**–**

“Can we have pancakes?” Mabel asked as they entered the diner.

“Pancakes are a bit pricey...” Stan said as they sat down in a booth. “Why don't we start with drinks and then discuss splitting something relatively cheap?”

“Hey, look! Free pancakes if we can beat that thing!” Dipper pointed to an arm-wrestling game in the diner. “Mabel, I bet you could do it!”

“Aw, nah.” Mabel shook her head. “I'm strong, but not _that_ strong.”

“C'mon, Mabel! Think of the pancakes!” Dipper insisted.

“Hold on, someone's going to try it.” Stan said, placing his hands on their shoulders.

“Wow, she's big.” Dipper commented as an auburn-haired girl walked up to it, followed closely by a black-haired smaller girl.

The girl pushed up her sleeves and took the machine's hand, waiting for the sound to start it. Then it started to move and she struggled with it for a moment before it started to go the other way, the black-haired girl cheering “Go, go, go, go, go!” as the machine slowly but surely lost. Then it was down and the machine spit out a slip of paper.

“Wow. She's _strong_.” Bill commented, sitting on Dipper's shoulder.

“Okay, I didn't think she'd actually do it. I've only seen Dan Corduroy do that.” Stan admitted as the girl stepped away from the machine, satisfied.

“Mabel, you have to try! For the pancakes!” Dipper tugged on her arm.

“Here.” A slip of paper was set on their table. “I was just wanting to beat it, we're actually about to go.”

Mabel blinked and looked up at the girl. “Uh...thanks!”

“Thank you!” Dipper beamed.

“No problem. Enjoy the pancakes.” The girl walked out, the black-haired girl following behind her.

“Wait, I didn't get your...and they're gone.” Mabel looked at the slip of paper. “Well...I guess we're getting pancakes.”

“Pancakes!” Dipper cheered

“Well, wasn't that lucky?” An older woman walked over with a smile. “So, that'll be pancakes for all three and what would you like to drink?”

“Hey, Susan. Coffee for me and, uh, Mabel, Dipper?” Stan looked at them.

“I'll have chocolate milk!” Dipper smiled.

“Same here!” Mabel agreed.

“No problem! I'll see you in a moment, handsome! Wink.” She wrote down their orders and then moved her lazy eye so it winked and then briskly walked away.

Stan nervously tugged at his shirt, suddenly self-conscious of his somewhat-lazy attire. “Right, you do that.”

Mabel smiled. “Grunkle Stan, do you liiiike her?” She asked.

“What? No, why would you even ask that? What's on this thing?” He grabbed a random extra menu and hid his face.

“You do! Oh my gosh!” Mabel gasped. “You should ask her out!”

“I don't have anything to ask!” Stan insisted.

“Suuuure you do!” Mabel nudged Dipper. “Doesn't he?”

“Huh? Doesn't he what?” Dipper looked at her.

“Oh, nevermind. I'll explain it when you're older.” Mabel leaned forward on the table. “If you won't ask her out, I'll do it for you.”

“Oh, you mean he likes Miss Susan like Gideon likes you?” Dipper asked, prompting both Mabel and Stan to sputter and look at him. “What? Isn't that right?”

“Well...you're not _wrong_...” Mabel admitted.

“No, no. I don't have any feelings like that. All I've got in here is a cold, dark, empty soul.” Stan tapped his chest.

Bill rolled his eyes. “Yeah, right.”

“Food!” Susan brought over a tray with their pancakes and drinks and set them down in front of them.

“Thanks there, sugar-pot. I-I mean, honey-wasp, kitten-baby, b-baby cow...” Stan stammered, rubbing the back of his head.

“Haha, silly!” Susan walked away from the table. “Silly man.”

Mabel took a sip of her chocolate milk and gave Stan a knowing look. Stan groaned and buried his head in his hands. “Alright, I admit it, okay? It would be nice if she liked me. But, I've been out of the game for so long, I wouldn't know where to start!”

“Game?” Dipper looked up from pouring syrup on his pancakes.

“I mean, look at her.” Stan sighed, looking at Susan beating on a malfunctioning pie machine. “She's so _classy_.”

“Spin, you dumb pies! Spin!” Susan demanded of the machine.

“Grunkle Stan,” Mabel took Stan's face in her hands. “You are a cranky, gross, weird old man. But, we will get Lazy Susan to like you, because _nothing_ is stronger than the power of--”

“Love?” Stan cut in.

“ _Mabel._ ” Mabel finished firmly with a smile. “To victory!” She released him and downed her chocolate milk in one go.

“I don't think they have free refills of that.” Dipper commented.

**–**

“Okay, Grunkle Stan. Somehow, we have to get you to be something that Lazy Susan would want to date.” Mabel said, pacing the floor of the lounge, the fireplace casting her shadow on the floor towards where Stan was standing. “First things first, we gotta get you in shape! And you need to learn how to treat a lady well! We need to make you so good, she'll fall head-over-heels for you after one conversation!”

“I dunno about that.” Stan said nervously. “I mean...what do you know about guys and dating, anyway? You're a girl. You don't know the guy side.”

“No...” Mabel frowned, then gasped. “But, I know who DOES!” She whipped out her phone and dialed a number.

“What's she doing?” Soos asked, looking over from fixing up a loose wallboard.

“Not sure.” Stan said, watching Mabel go out of the room. “I'm not sure if I'm gonna like it, though.”

A half hour later, he got his answer. Bud drove up to the house in Gideon's trailer and Gideon came out, walking straight to Stan. “Well, you're a real piece of work, aren't ya?”

Stan frowned. “What's that supposed to mean?”

“Your pick-up lines are outdated, you slump your shoulders too much, and your confidence is all-time-low. First thing you should remember, because this is a timeless thing, is to be _confident_.” Gideon grabbed his arm and pulled him into the trailer. “Come on, let's make you a new suit. How long do we have, Mabel-cakes?”

“Well, we don't have a set date yet, but I'm going to give us a week deadline.” Mabel nodded firmly.

“Hm...forget it, we'll just buy you a new suit, then. That'll be last step, I suppose.” Gideon walked over to a drawer and pulled out shampoo and conditioner, as well as a fresh, wrapped bar of soap. “You're going to shower every day with these, understand?”

“I have to?” Stan made a face.

“It will clear up your skin and make your hair healthier-looking. Trust me, it's good for you. And don't miss a day, not if you want to be ready in a week.” Gideon said, nodding firmly.

Stan groaned. “Fine, fine. Anything else?”

“Yes. Let's go to the lounge.” Gideon said, ushering him out.

Stan sighed, leading the way back in. Mabel was already waiting, her CD player plugged in and the room cleared of furniture. “What's going on here?”

“We're going to dance!” Mabel smiled. “Dancing is a GREAT way to exercise ALL your limbs!”  
  
“Oh god, not 'Sweating to the Oldies'.” Stan grimaced.

“Is that Zumba?” Gideon asked his father.

“No, it's much older. Pretty much exercising to music.” Bud explained.

“Oh. Well, this is just dancing.” Gideon explained, taking off his jacket and setting it to the side. “I brought water bottles, so we don't even have to leave the room for water. Mabel, if you could turn it on?”

Mabel smiled and turned on a CD. “I thought that some good ol' Pokemon would be a good start.”

“Poke a what?” Stan asked.

“Pokemon! It's short for Pocket Monster.” Dipper piped up. “Don't worry, Grunkle Stan, I'm gonna dance with you!”

“Can I sit this out?” Bill asked.

With Stan and Bud in the room, they couldn't exactly give him an answer so Dipper gave the smallest shrug before he walked over and pulled Stan further into the room. “Come on, Grunkle Stan! Like this!” He started to dance.

“I don't know, is this healthy?” Stan asked. “I'm not exactly healthy. Or dressed for it. Can I change?”

“Do you have sweatpants or something?” Mabel asked.

“Yes. I do, actually. Let me go change.” Stan headed out of the room.

“I'll just go with him to make sure he's not taking off.” Bud said, following him out.

“Thank you, father.” Gideon said.

Mabel walked over to stop the CD so it would start at the beginning later. “I don't know why Stan is so reluctant, dancing is fun!”

“And if he's worried about not being able to make decent conversation, it keeps you too busy to talk!” Dipper said, nodding.

“We're only on Day 1 and he's ready to bolt.” Gideon sighed, shaking his head. “Are you sure about this, Mabel?”

“I want Grunkle Stan to be happy! And he likes her, and I'm sure she likes him!” Mabel insisted.

Gideon looked towards the door. “Well, I'll do my best, Mabel. But, his willingness to listen is also a big factor.”

Mabel nodded. “That's true. Thanks for coming to help. Did you have to cancel a show?”

Gideon shook his head. “No, I was taking the week off, anyway. My last show was pretty exhausting.” He admitted.

“Aww, sorry to make you work on your week off.” Mabel said, smiling apologetically.

“Mabel, I hardly consider helping you out to be 'work'.” Gideon said gently, walking over and taking her hands in his. “I would gladly cancel a show to help you if I had to.”

“Okay, enough being sappy.” Stan said, walking into the room in a gaudy golden and white sweatsuit. “Let's get this over with.”

“Black looks better with gold.” Bill mumbled, sitting next to the CD Player.

Mabel smiled and turned on the CD, letting the music start. “Okay, Grunkle Stan! Dance with the rest of us! You too, Mr. Gleeful!”

“It wouldn't be right to make my friend suffer alone.” Bud said, walking over to the center of the room with Stan.

“Alright, then!” Gideon walked in front of them. “Follow my lead!” He started to dance, the others following along. Bill bobbed his head to the music, tapping his hand on his knee to keep time. At least everyone seemed to be having fun.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Work it, Stan!
> 
> ((A/N: Yes, I changed the manliness-tester to an arm-wrestling machine. Same diff! By the way, does anyone recognize the girls?))


	20. Come Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dipper is bored of watching Mabel and Gideon work on Stan and goes on an adventure!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

Dipper yawned as he listened to Gideon, Mabel, and Stan. Apparently Stan was being coached on how to properly talk to a lady, with Mabel as his lady-model, but it was boring to Dipper who didn't understand what they were even saying. Why did Mabel giggle like that? Why was Stan getting all pink in the face? He kicked his legs and then looked at Bill. “I'm bored.”

Bill looked at him. “You're bored? What, you wanna take off?”

“Uh-huh! Let's go find something cool!” Dipper hopped off his chair and walked out, Bill following.

“Okay, what are we going to find?” Bill asked.

Dipper looked thoughtful. “Can we...find fairies?”

“Fairies? Agh, not those things again.” Bill shook his head. “You don't want to go see fairies, trust me.”

“But, they're so friendly!” Dipper insisted.

“Fairies are not friendly, where did you hear that?” Bill asked.

“A cartoon I saw.” Dipper said. “They're friendly and they help out a little boy!”

“Okay, kid? Fairies are not friendly. At all. All they want of human kids is to lure them away and keep them forever until they die.” Bill said, shaking his head. “Not. Friendly.”

“Oh, don't be such a sour-puss. Let's go see the fairies!” Dipper went to his bed and grabbed his backpack. “Do you think they like sweets?”

“I think this is a bad idea and I'm not enabling you.” Bill said, crossing his arms over his chest.

“But, you're not stopping me.” Dipper pointed out.

“I can't, kid. The only way I could really stop you is to take over your body, and I can't do that without your permission.” Bill shook his head. “If it comes to it, I'll take over your body to save your life, but if you want to see the fairies so badly, then go find the fairfolk.”

“Okay!” Dipper smiled and ran out of the room. “Oh, I should tell Mabel!” He went to the lounge and poked his head in. “Hey, Mabel, I'm going to go find fairies, have fun with the lessons, bye!” He ran off before Mabel could even fully register what he said.

“Did he say 'fairies'?” Gideon looked over, frowning.

**–**

“Do they like music?” Dipper asked as he made his way through the forest.

“I already said I'm not giving you any hints, kid. I don't support this trip, but you sure as hell are not going it alone.” Bill said, floating alongside him.

“How do I know when I've found them?” Dipper asked.

“I dunno, something about--”

“Mushrooms!” Dipper ran over to a ring of mushrooms.

“Wait, kid, no!” Bill flew after him. He gasped as something repelled him and reached out to touch it. “...Oh no.”

Dipper didn't notice that Bill had stopped, walking towards the circle. He could hear music now, and it made him feel giddy and at ease. “Hello? Fairies?” He called.

“Hello, little boy.” A tiny woman with wings flew over, dressed in a long, flowing dress and wearing flowers in her long, flowing hair. “You're rather far from the village, aren't you? Are you lost?”

Dipper blinked, tilting his head to the side. Was this a fairy? Sure didn't look like the ones in the cartoon. Where were their funny hats? Their wands? He looked around and saw others like the tiny woman. “Are you a fairy?”

“Yes.” The woman nodded.

“Then, I'm looking for you.” Dipper smiled. “Is it true you can grant wishes?”

“Oh, yes.” The woman assured him, her voice lilting like a song. “We can make all your dreams come true. Come and stay with us a while, little one.” She flew closer to him. “What is your name?”

“I'm Dipper.” He smiled.

She shook her head. “That's not your real name, child. What is your _real_ name?”

“It's my name.” Dipper shrugged. “My real name's dumb, so I don't use it. This one is way cooler!”

“Child...” The woman sighed softly and then extended a hand to him. “Won't you come with us? We're having a fabulous party.”

“Pine Tree, don't do it!” Bill called.

“Well...Bill says I shouldn't...” Dipper started to look at him, but the woman caught his face in her hands.

“Why listen to what a demon is telling you?” She asked. “We can give you anything you want here. Come, join the party.”

“I don't know...” The music was awfully alluring, and the woman was very persuasive...wait, she could see Bill? He wanted to go with, but Bill said not to...

“DISCO GIRL, COMING THROUGH. THAT GIRL IS YOOOOOU!”

“What the?” Dipper looked over as pop music played loud and clear over the fairy music and a bear came lumbering into the area. The fairies screamed and scattered and Bill found he could now enter the area.

“A bear?” Bill flew over to Dipper and sat on his shoulder.

“No...a lot of bears!” Dipper stared up in awe. “Why are you all on top of each other?”

The bear turned down the music. “I am Multi-bear, many bears fused together by strange magic long ago. We are all the same bear, but also different.” He explained. “I saw that the fairies were trying to lure another child away and came to assist.”

“Where did you see it from?” Dipper asked.

“My cave. I can see everything from there. But, why are you alone, child?” Multi-bear frowned. “Don't you know that fairies will capture you and trap you in their world, never to see the human realm again?”

“I thought fairies were nice...” Dipper looked down.

“No, child.” Multi-bear shook his head. “They mean you only harm. They--” He cut himself off and turned his music off completely as the earth around them begin to shake. He threw his arms around Dipper and curled up around him, waiting for the shaking to pass.

Dipper thought that he heard voices with the shaking and then once it was over he was gently released. “Uhm...what was that?” He asked.

“Those were the Manotaurs. They pick on anything small, weak, and somewhat girly, asserting their dominance by making weaker things cry.” Multi-bear explained.

“That's mean! I'm gonna tell them off!” Dipper said firmly.

“No, child, no. You should steer clear of them. Come, we'll go in the opposite direction.” Multi-bear said, offering his hand to Dipper.

“No! Someone has to tell those meanies off! And since Mabel isn't here, I'm gonna do it!” Dipper stomped off in the direction the voices went.

“Child!” Multi-bear protested, then headed after him. “Well...at least don't go alone.” He held his boombox nervously as he caught up to him.

“Mabel said that bullies shouldn't be left to do what they're doing! That they should be told off!” Dipper said, nodding firmly.

“Kid, do you really think they're going to listen to you?” Bill asked, sighing.

“I don't know until I try.” Dipper said, shrugging.

They reached a mountainous area, where there were many large manotaurs walking around. Multi-bear shrank back fearfully. “It's not too late to turn back...” He whispered to Dipper.

Dipper looked at Multi-bear. “Are we gonna let those bullies scare us? Let's keep going!”

“Pine Tree, your sister is going to be worried.” Bill shook his head. “We can come hack with her later, but right now it's starting to get late. Let's go home.”

“Child, I implore you, let's leave this place.” Multi-bear insisted.

“But...”

“There you are!”

Dipper gasped and turned to see Gideon flying over to him. He landed in front of them and sighed. “I went to see the fairies, and they said you went after the Manotaurs with the Multi-bear. You're coming home.”

“But, they're terrible! They have to be told off!” Dipper insisted.

“Dipper Pines, you are going to make your sister worried SICK if you don't come back _now_.” Gideon pinched the bridge of his nose and then grabbed Dipper's hand. “Come on. She thinks you've been abducted by fairies! Haven't you listened to any of the legends? The songs? _Stolen Child_ by The Waterboys?”

Dipper blinked in surprise and shook his head. “No, I haven't! I thought they would be like the ones in _Fairly Odd Parents_!”

“I don't know those ones, but I'd say whoever made that show hasn't heard the legends about fairies, either. Come on.” Gideon started to pull him away. “And you! Why didn't you stop him?!”

“Hey, I told him not to.” Bill shrugged.

“I was trying to get him to leave!” Multi-bear said, following them out.

Gideon glanced at Multi-bear and then sighed. “You should go back home, before the Manotaurs see you. I'm taking this one home.” He nodded towards Dipper.

“Good bye, child.” Multi-bear nodded, heading off to his cave.

“Bye!” Dipper waved at him, then looked at Gideon. “So...what is the song you mentioned? Can you sing it?”

Gideon sighed. “Alright. We've got a little ways to go.” He started to sing:

“ _Come away, human child, to the water._  
Come away, human child, to the water and the wild.  
With a fairy, hand in hand.  
For the world's more full of weeping than you can understand.”

Dipper listened to Gideon sing as they walked back to through the forest.

“ _Where dips the rocky highland of Sleuth Wood in the lake,_  
There lies the leafy island, where flapping herons wake the drowsy water rats.  
There we've hid our fairy vats full of berries and of reddest stolen cherries.

_Come away, human child, to the water_  
Come away, human child, to the water and the wild  
With a fairy, hand in hand.  
For the world's more full of weeping than you can understand.”

“That's not so scary.” Dipper commented.

“It's not done yet.” Gideon told him, then continued.   
  
“ _Where the wave of moonlight glosses  
The dim gray sands with light,  
Far off by furthest roses, we foot it all the night.  
Weaving olden dances, mingling hands and mingling glances  
Till the moon has taken flight.  
To and fro we leap, chase the frothy bubbles,  
While the world is full of troubles and is anxious in it's sleep.  
_ _  
Come away, human child, to the water  
Come away, human child, to the water and the wild  
With a fairy, hand in hand.  
For the world's more full of weeping than you can understand._”  
  
“That sounds beautiful.” Dipper said dreamily.  
  
Gideon pursed his lips before continuing.  
  
“ _Where the wandering water gushes from the hills above Glen-Car,_  
And pools among the rushes that scarce could bathe a star,  
We seek for slumbering trout and whispering in their ears.  
We give them unquiet dreams,   
Leaning softly out from ferns that drop their tears  
Over the young streams.  
  
Away with us he's going, the solemn eyed.  
He'll hear no more the lowing of the calves on the warm hillside.  
Or the kettle on the hob, sing peace into his breast.  
Or see the brown mice bob around and around the oatmeal chest.  
  
For he comes, the human child, to the water  
He comes, the human child, to the water and the wild  
With a fairy, hand in hand.  
From a world more full of weeping than you can understand.  
  
Human child, human child,  
With a fairy, hand in hand.  
From a world more full of weeping than you can understand.”  
  
They reached the shack as Gideon reached the end of the song.

“ _Than you can understand, you can understand._ ”  
  
“Dipper!” Mabel ran from the porch to them, tears in her eyes. “I was so worried!” She threw her arms around him tightly. “Don't you EVER do that again, do you hear me?!”  
  
“Yes, Mabel.” Dipper said, hugging her back.  
  
Mabel looked at Gideon and then released Dipper to hug him tightly. “Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!”  
  
Gideon smiled gently and returned the hug, gently patting her back soothingly.  
  
“Dipper! Are you alright?!” Stan ran out to him. “Mabel was saying that you'd been kidnapped or something?!”  
  
“He almost was. Thankfully, someone friendly was in the woods and saved him.” Gideon said calmly.  
  
Stan picked Dipper up and held him close. “Don't you go running off alone again, okay? There's a lot of weirdos out there.”  
  
“I won't, Grunkle Stan. I promise.” Dipper said, hugging him tightly.  
  
“Let's go inside.” Stan carried him in, the others following.  
  
 **–**  
  
“So, you couldn't stop him from leaving?” Mabel asked that night.  
  
“Not without taking over his body, no. And he didn't want me to.” Bill shrugged. “The only way I could've is if I was summoned.”  
  
“Summoned?” Gideon asked. He was sitting on Dipper's bed next to him.  
  
“Yeah! Hey, you wouldn't happen to have seen a book like this, but with a 2 on it?” Bill pointed to the Journal.  
  
Gideon hesitated. “I...miiiiiight have one, yes...” He admitted.  
  
“Can we see it?!” Dipper asked excitedly.  
  
“Let's take care of your uncle's deplorable romance skills, first. I think that's more important, provided you don't go _looking for fairies_ again.” Gideon got off the bed. “You should sleep, Mabel. You look exhausted.”  
  
“I am.” Mabel nodded. “Again, thank you. If you hadn't gone out to look for him...”  
  
Gideon walked over and kissed her cheek. “Don't think about what could've happened, Mabel. Just be happy with the present. I'll take my leave.”  
  
Mabel smiled and got off her bed. “I'll walk you to the door.”  
  
“Good night!” Dipper waved as they walked out.  
  
Bill sighed. “So close, but so far. At least we know for sure he _has_ it now.”  
  
“Uh-huh!” Dipper nodded, laying down. “Tomorrow, we should go see the Manotaurs!”  
  
“Or we could avoid being trampled altogether and leave them be.” Bill said, flying into his arms.  
  
“I guess.” Dipper sighed reluctantly.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was a close one!
> 
> ((A/N: I actually have not seen Fairly Odd Parents, but I know enough about it to know those fairies are not like traditional fairies. And I would suggest looking up the song Gideon sang, because it's a nice listen.))


	21. Dance Pt.1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan gets dance lessons from Gideon and Mabel learns more about Bill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Okay, I think you're ready for the next lesson.” Mabel said. She had secured Dipper to the room with a rope, not wanting a repeat of the last time they'd gotten caught up in the lessons.

“You know, I think I'm good. Yeah, I'll just...call her now. Yeah.” Stan nodded.

“Oh no, you don't.” Gideon nodded to his father, who stood in front of the door. “Mabel wants you to learn how to dance, and you're going to dance.”

“I already danced!” Stan insisted.

“No, Grunkle Stan! Dance with a woman!” She turned to one of the other people in the room. “Wendy, you're really okay with this?”

“Hey, I'm happy to help out.” Wendy nodded. “Besides, this might be fun.”

Stan groaned. “Alright, but no more of that Pokemon stuff!”

“You're not going to learn to slow-dance to Pokemon.” Gideon assured him, turning on a CD. Some romantic song begin to play and he turned to Mabel. “Now, we're going to dance first, and then you two will follow along. Watch us for example, and I'll tell you if you need to adjust your posture or anything.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Stan sighed, moving closer to Wendy and copying Mabel and Gideon. “Like this?”

“Mmhm.” Mabel smiled, moving her hand onto Gideon's shoulder, the other hand in his hand.

“Don't worry, Mr. Pines. This is my first dance lesson, too.” Wendy assured him.

“Glad to know I'm not the only one that's gonna look like an idiot here.” Stan smiled a bit.

Dipper sighed, leaning back in the chair. “I'm bored again.”

“Well, it was _your_ idea to go see the fairies.” Bill remarked, sitting on his shoulder.

“Fairies are nothing like the cartoons.” Dipper pouted, kicking his legs.

Bill shrugged. “I did tell you, when you first mistook _me_ for a fairy.”

The lesson continued on, with Mabel and Gideon correcting Stan and Wendy every so often, and then the next song came on.

“ _Deliver me out of my sadness._ ” The CD player sang. “ _Deliver me from all the madness._ ”

Mabel blushed a bit and looked at Gideon. “It's our song.” She said softly.

“Shh, Stan doesn't know.” Gideon whispered. Mabel giggled and laid her head on his shoulder.

“Ah, so we just keep moving in a circle?” Stan asked.

“Oh, no. There's more to it.” Gideon said, nudging Mabel a bit and then releasing her waist, letting Mabel twirl away before he gave a slight tug and she twirled back. He caught her on his arm and dipped her before she brought her hand to his shoulder and he pulled her back upright.

“Uh...that went too fast, could you do it slower?” Stan asked.

Gideon and Mabel laughed and did it again, slower this time – at least, as slow as they could manage it. Then they watched as Stan and Wendy attempted to copy them, being understandably clumsier at it than Gideon and Mabel were.

Dipper sighed and leaned back in the chair, closing his eyes. Bill smiled sympathetically and spoke up on his behalf. “Shooting Star, Pine Tree's getting tired. Feel like taking a break?”

Mabel looked over and smiled a bit. “Stan, think you'll be okay on your own for a bit? I think Dipper needs a nap.”

“Yeah, okay.” Stan said with a shrug.

Mabel left Gideon's side and untied Dipper from the chair, gently lifting him into her arms. “I'll be right back.” She promised, carrying Dipper out of the room and up the stairs.

“You know, if I got summoned, I could do this. With the amount of imagination this kid and you have combined, I could make myself a temporary physical form.” Bill said as he rode on Dipper's shoulder.

“Why can't it be permanent?” Mabel asked.

“My physical form is in another dimension, this is just an astral projection.” Bill explained. “And, well, the likelihood of getting my actual physical form is preeeeeetty low. Especially since the guy that sealed me into that closet also cut off the way I was gonna get it back and then disappeared with the knowledge.”

“Bummer.” Mabel frowned. “So, if we summon you, how long could you have a physical form?”

“I dunno, maybe five hours? Six?” Bill shrugged. “I've honestly never tried it before, this is the first time I've interacted with kids.” He admitted.

“And adults don't have as much imagination?” Mabel asked.

“They do, but they don't have a combination of imagination _and_ mental energy. Adults tire out so fast because of, well, adult stuff, but kids don't have that problem. Which is why I think it'll work. With you two and Gideon combined, and any other kids that get involved with me, I might be able to sustain a temporary physical form for up to 24 hours. Maybe. I've seen you, Pine Tree, Gideon, and those two girls in the diner the other day. I have no idea how many kids there are in this town.” Bill said as Mabel opened the door.

“How many would you need for that long?” Mabel asked, laying Dipper down on his bed and tucking him in.

“I dunno, five or six?” Bill shrugged.

“So, me, Gideon, Dipper, and those two girls, that's already five.” Mabel smiled. “We'd just need one more! I'm sure Gideon knows one more!”

Bill sighed and climbed into Dipper's arms. Dipper sleepily put his arms around him. “The biggest problem, Shooting Star, is that he's reluctant to show us his Journal. I don't know if he's going to be willing to let me be summoned.”

“Why do you need to be summoned, though?” Mabel asked. “Aren't you here now?”

Bill shook his head. “Technically, I'm bound to Pine Tree. I can't go more than five feet from him, just like when I was sealed in the closet I couldn't leave the nail I was sealed to. Once I'm summoned, I'll have free movement.”

Mabel nodded slowly. “Well, I'm sure he has his reasons for being reluctant.” She stood up. “I better get back downstairs. See you, Bill.”

“See ya, Shooting Star.” Bill waved.

Mabel nodded and headed back down, just in time to see Stan dip Wendy without dropping her. “Alright, good job!”

“Yeah? My back is killing me.” Stan pulled her up and groaned, rubbing his back. “Are we done?”

Mabel looked at Gideon. “Well?”

“It's passing. I'll make the reservations.” Gideon said, pulling out his cell-phone.

“What? Reservations?” Stan frowned. “For what?”

“You and Susan will be joinin' Mabel and I to the Gravity Falls Summer Dance and then we will be at separate tables at The Swimming Lobster.” Gideon said before dialing a number and leaving the room.

Stan paled. “But, I haven't even asked her out yet!”

“Well, the event's in two days.” Mabel grinned. “Go wash up, change, comb your hair, and I'll go with you to the diner!”

“But, what about Dipper?” Stan stammered.

“I'll watch him.” Wendy assured him.

“And I can stay here if you need me to.” Bud offered.

Stan sighed. “Alright...fine. I'll be back.” He headed out of the room.

“He's going to be fine.” Mabel told herself. “You've been teaching him all week, Mabel. He's going to be fine.”

“Don't stress yourself out.” Wendy said, chuckling a bit.

“Thanks for helping out, Wendy.” Mabel smiled. “I owe you.”

“Nah, you don't owe me. I had fun.” Wendy waved it off. “Now I won't look like an idiot if I also get invited to the dance.”

“Ohh, does someone have a beau?” Mabel grinned.

“Nah, but I get hit on a lot.” Wendy shrugged. “I figure someone will invite me. What's your brother gonna be doing?”

“Soos said he'll watch him.” Mabel said, looking over at the door. “I hope he'll be okay, though. Gideon said he found him about to check out some creepy mountain caves?”

Wendy shrugged. “There's a lot of those.”

**–**

“Okay, Stan. Keep it together.” Stan said as he drove to the diner, Mabel in the front seat next to him. “What if she says no? What if this is all for nothing?”

“She won't.” Mabel assured him.

Stan tugged at his shirt collar. “Should I get flowers?”

“Not today, but Gideon said he's going to make sure you have some for her the day-of.” Mabel nodded.

Stan looked up at the diner, feeling it looming over him. “Hoo-boy. Here we go.” He parked and got out of the car, Mabel following behind him as he went inside.

'Oh god, there's people here. She's gonna say no and I'll be laughed at, I know it.' Stan thought as he walked up to Susan.

“Oh, hi!” Susan smiled. “Aren't you sharply dressed today?”

Stan swallowed nervously. “Wouldyougodanceme?”

“What?” Susan frowned in confusion.

Mabel nudged him. “Breathe, Grunkle Stan.”

Stan nodded and took a deep breathe before releasing it. “I'm here to ask you to come to the Gravity Falls Summer Dance with me.” He successfully resisted the urge to say “please say yes”.

Susan smiled. “Oh, sure! Oh, you'll need my number and address!” She grabbed a pen and wrote down both on a page of her notepad, tearing it off and handing it to him. “What time are you picking me up, handsome?”

Stan looked at the address and then Mabel nudged him again. “A-Ah, how about six? That sound good?”

“Sounds perfect!” Susan smiled. “How'd you like a free slice of pie?”

“Sure!” Stan nodded and sat down, Mabel sitting next to him. Susan smiled and went to get him his pie, his heart thumping in his chest. 'I can't believe it!' He thought. 'I asked a dame out, and she didn't say no! That hasn't happened in forever!'

Now he just had to not screw up the actual _date_.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's hoping Stan doesn't screw up!


	22. Dance Pt.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan's going on a date! Here's hoping he doesn't mess up!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Well...how do I look?” Stan asked. The statue was silent in front of him, but he nodded and turned to the door anyway. “Thanks. I feel a bit better now. You always know what to say.” He walked out of the room.

Dipper looked over from coloring in a coloring book Soos brought. “He's talking to the statue again...”

“Dude, don't mind it. He talks to the mirror, too. It's a thing he does.” Soos assured him.

“Sure, just keep telling yourself that.” Bill muttered, then looked over to once again count the fingers of the statue. He knew it wasn't, but he had to keep making sure anyway. Like Stan, he was having a bit of trouble _not_ seeing the wax figure as **him**.

“I'm ready!” Mabel came down the stairs and stood in the doorway. “Well? How do I look?”

She was wearing a floor-length red sleeveless dress with a pink shawl she'd knitted herself wrapped around her shoulders. On her feet were black heels, and she had put on a bit of makeup to make herself look more mature.

“You look like mom before she and dad go on a date. When you get back your makeup will be messy and you'll have taken off your shoes.” Dipper said, looking up at her.

“Okay, aside from that, how do I look?” Mabel asked.

“You look great.” Dipper grinned.  
  
“Good.” Mabel brushed a strand of hair behind her ear and then put on a black headband. “Now I'm just waiting for Gideon.”

“I better head out. See you there, pumpkin.” Stan said, walking down the hall. “See you later, Dipper!”

“Uh-huh.” Dipper gave a distracted wave, going back to his coloring.

The door opened and closed and then they heard Stan's car driving off. Not too long after, he heard another car drive up and Mabel came in and kissed Dipper on the head before walking to the doorway, taking Gideon's arm.

“We'll be back later.” Gideon assured him. “Don't get into any trouble, and don't even _think_ of going after the Manotaurs.”

Dipper sighed, nodding. “Yes, I know.”

“Good. We'll have our phones, but I think we can trust Soos to keep you out of trouble.” Mabel smiled and walked out.

“You look beautiful, by the way.” Dipper heard Gideon say as the door was opened.

“Aw, thanks. You look great, too!” Mabel said, just before the door closed.

Dipper rolled over onto his back. “Sooo...can we play a game, Soos?”

“What game?” Soos asked.

“I dunno. Clue?” Dipper shrugged.

“Sounds great! Let me go get it!” Soos ran off to get it.

Dipper got up and looked around behind heading for the door.

“Pine Tree, if you sneak out I am going to take over your body for the rest of the night.” Bill said in a deadpan voice as he flew behind him.

“Darn.” Dipper kicked at the floor and headed back to the living room to clean up his coloring supplies.

“I almost lost you, kid.” Bill said, landing on his shoulder. “You know how scared I was when those fairies almost took you away?” He sat down. “And I couldn't do anything to help, not with as little power as I have now. I hated it, kid. I hated feeling powerless, I hated seeing you going into danger.”

“I'm sorry.” Dipper looked at him. “I won't go looking for trouble anymore.”

“Good boy.” Bill patted his cheek.

Dipper looked up as Soos came into the room with the game.

**–**

Stan nervously drove to the dance venue, Lazy Susan sitting in his passenger seat. “So, uh...” He cleared his throat. “You look good today.”

“Thank you.” She smiled at him. “So do you!”

“Uh, thanks.” Stan focused on the road again. “Uhm...I'll be honest, I haven't gone dancing in a long time. I might be a bit rusty.”

“That's alright, neither have I.” Susan assured him.

Stan felt a little bit better now. “So, uh...work going well?”

“Oh, yeah! I mean, I might have to just call a repairman to fix my darn pie machine, but otherwise business is great!” Susan nodded.

“Well, I might lend you my repairman. He's really good at what he does.” Stan smiled.

“I might take you up on that.” She smiled back at him.

Stan pulled into the venue parking lot and parked, turning off the engine. Then he got up and went to open her door for her. “By the way, uh, did you really like the flowers?”

“I did, thank you.” Susan smiled. “I put them in a vase, remember?”

Stan nodded. “Yeah, I remember. I'm just, y'know...it's been so long since I dated, I'm not sure if you actually liked them or if you just accepted them to be nice.” He rubbed the back of his neck.

“Hah! Silly.” Susan lightly swatted his arm and then linked her arm with his. “Let's go dance, silly man.”

“Heh, yeah, that's me. A silly man.” Stan glanced to the side and saw Gideon's limo already parked, as well as another limo. Oh no; he was really worried about Mabel meeting _her_...

**–**

Mabel looked around in awe at all the fancy dresses and decorations around the venue. There were lanterns lighting up the stage area and stars overhead and she couldn't get enough of the place. She felt a gently nudge and looked at Gideon. “Yeah?”

“Your uncle's here.” He pointed to the entrance.

“Oh!” She smiled and waved to him, leaving Gideon's side to go and greet the two.

“So, that's what all the hustle and bustle is about?”

Gideon cringed and turned to the blonde girl that had approached him. “Hello, Pacifica.”

The girl toyed with a strand of her hair. “She's a little plain, isn't she? And she's related to Old Man Pines?”

“Yeah, she's his great-niece.” Gideon nodded. “And I want you to be nice to them today, or avoid them altogether.”

Pacifica laughed, throwing her head back. “I was going to avoid them, anyway. As if I'd associate myself with that family? I'm surprised you are, considering the old man used to be a creepy hermit and now he's a creepy old conman.”

“Pacifica, not tonight. Please go away.” Gideon said, shaking his head.

She sighed dramatically. “Oh, fine. I have a date waiting for me, anyway.” She walked off.

Gideon watched her go. “And how much did you pay that poor soul to go with you?” He muttered, then looked at Mabel as she came back.

“Who was that?” Mabel asked.

“You remember that mansion with the high walls on the cliff you saw before?” Gideon asked. “She lives there.”

“Okay, but that doesn't answer my question.” Mabel shrugged.

“Her name is Pacifica Northwest.” Gideon explained. “She's...pompous.” 

Mabel nodded. “Well, the next song's starting, looks like Stan's gonna try dancing. You wanna?”

Gideon chuckled. “May I have this dance?” He extended a hand to her.

Mabel smiled and took his hand, letting him pull her into a dance. She noticed the blonde girl – Pacifica, Gideon said? - was watching them from a distance and wondered about her relationship with Gideon. He wouldn't be flirting with her if they were dating, was she someone that had flirted with him and been rejected?

“Mabel, darling, you're distracted.” Gideon said, drawing her attention back to him. “What's so interesting that you're ignorin' me?”

“Sorry.” Mabel grinned sheepishly. “I was wondering about that girl, and what she was to you.” She admitted honestly.

He pursed his lips. “She's my cousin, that's all. We hang out sometimes, but we certainly aren't and never will be a couple. I'm single.” He assured her.

Mabel nodded. “Okay, then. Can I meet her?” She asked.

“You don't want to meet her.” Stan said, having heard them as he and Susan moved closer. “Trust me.”  
  
“Maybe I'll take you to one of her parties sometime.” Gideon offered.

“Pft, those parties are mostly sitting around with fancy food. I bet I could show them a _real_ party, especially with your help, Mabel!” Stan danced away with Susan.

Mabel shrugged. “I guess?”

Gideon shook his head. “You really don't want to challenge a Northwest, Mabel. They're rich, powerful, and will make you suffer if you lose.”

“So what?” Mabel grinned. “I bet I could make a better party with only my craft supplies and music selection!”

“I'll take that bet.” Pacifica said, walking over to them. “You're really loud, you know that? Does it run in the family?”

“ _Pacifica_.” Gideon hissed through clenched teeth.

“Put out flyers to your party, _Mabel_ _Pines_ , and I'll attend. I'll be the judge on if it's better than any my money can provide.” She flipped her hair and walked off, her heels clicking on the dance floor.

“Oh, it will be the _best_.” Mabel said, her eyes narrowing.

Gideon sighed and quickly steered Mabel far away from Pacifica.  
  
 **–**  
  
“Here's a drink.” Stan held out a glass to Susan, who was sitting and waiting for him. “Sorry it took a bit, the table was crowded!”

“Lots of people dancing.” She took it and nodded, patting the spot next to her.   
  
Stan sat down and looked at her, seeing her rub at her eye a bit with her free hand. “So, uh...I know it's a bit of a sensitive subject, but....you don't get pain from that, do you?”

“Sometimes, but it's nothing I can't handle.” She shrugged. “Do you have anything like that?”

Stan chuckled nervously, his hand moving to his shoulder. “I do...but I don't like to talk about it. It pretty much is a constant reminder of the day my life was torn apart.” He lowered his hand to his lap and looked at them. “I lost the most important person to me that day...”

“A wife?” Susan asked.

Stan shook his head. “No, my twin brother Stan—nn-- _ ley _ .” Stan sat back in his seat. “We had a fight, he stormed out leaving me wounded, and the next I heard of him he was...” He pursed his lips. “I heard he was dead. His car was found mangled and on fire against a large tree.”

“Oh, Stanny.” Susan said, gently touching his hand sympathetically. “I'm sorry.”

“They never found his body, so I'm hoping to GOD that he survived somehow. I'd...I hate for our last conversation to be...” Tears formed in his eyes and he brought a hand up to them. “I'm sorry, I'm getting emotional on you.”

“No, no. Nothing wrong with emotion.” She reached into her purse and pulled out her handkerchief, handing it to him.

He smiled and wiped at his eyes. “Thanks for listenin', doll.”

She nodded. “Anytime, Stanny. You look like you've been needing to talk for a long time.”

He nodded. “Feels good to finally get it off my chest.” He drank from his cup and then set it down on the table in front of them. “Wanna go back to dancing?”

She smiled and sipped her drink. “Let me finish my drink, then we can.”

**–**

When they returned home, Dipper and Soos had fallen asleep watching cartoons, Bill sitting on Dipper's shoulder and lazily watching the noisy things on TV. He looked over when the door opened and flew over to the doorway to peek out. Stan was smiling like he was walking on air and humming to himself and Mabel had a determined look on her face.

“Mabel.” Gideon walked in with her and gently took her hand. “I'll help what I can, but Pacifica might think it's cheating if you get my help financially.”  
  
“Well, the point of this is to make a better party without the money. You can help me make decorations, though!” Mabel smiled.

“I'll see what I can do.” Gideon nodded. “I do still have work, I took this week off already to help you and your uncle.”

“I understand. I'll find someone else to help, don't worry. Like Dipper!” Mabel kissed Gideon's cheek. “Thanks for all your help this week, and for the date tonight. Dinner was delicious.”

Gideon blushed and nodded. “Sleep well, my sweet Mabel.”

“You should get home and sleep, too. Don't let your magic keep you up all night.” Mabel playfully poked his nose.

Gideon nodded and walked to the door, Mabel walking him out. Then she waved and closed the door before locking it and going up to her room, humming happily. She paused at the doorway to the living room and giggled, walking over to the couch and gently nudging Soos. “Hey, you gonna stay the night?”

“Mm?” Soos opened one eye. “Oh, hey, how was your date?”

“It went great, thanks for watching Dipper.” She reached out to him. “I'll take Dipper to bed.”

“Nah, dude, I can dos it.” Soos lifted Dipper into his arms and carried him upstairs, Mabel trailing behind them. “Wasn't sure how long you'd be out, so I already said I'd stay the night. Youse guys don't mind if I use the couch?”

“That's fine.” Mabel nodded.

Bill sat on Mabel's shoulder, watching Soos lay Dipper down. “So, you talk to Gideon about what we talked about at all?”

Mabel blinked in surprise and shook her head slightly. “Didn't think about it. Sorry.” She whispered to him.

“Well, good night!” Soos waved and left the room, closing the door behind him.

Bill sighed and flew over and landed on Dipper's chest, curling up. Dipper moved his arms and wrapped them around him, rolling onto his side sleepily.

Mabel smiled and started to get changed for bed. “Right...I'm going to make the best party ever. You'll see, Pacifica.  _ Money isn't everything _ .”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can Mabel succeed in making a better party than the Northwest family?


	23. Planning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mabel has a party to plan, but can she do it alone? Or will she need...backups?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“What was I thinking?!” Mabel held her head as she paced the lounge.

“You were thinking about pride.” Bill remarked.

“Hush, Bill. I'm trying to think.” Mabel groaned. “I've never seen their parties, how can I do better? Bill, any ideas?”

Bill jolted in his seat on Dipper's shoulder. “Uhhhhh, haha, demon parties aren't anything humans can handle,  _ trust me _ . Any suggestions I could give you would be potentially lethal and most likely illegal.” He said, shaking his head quickly. “Just ask Gideon, I'm sure he has ideas.”

“Oh, come on! One suggestion!” Mabel turned to him.

Bill sighed. “Well...if you have something like Time Punch, that's usually a hit...”

“What's Time Punch?” Dipper asked.

“Technically illegal, practically a drug. I wouldn't advise it.” Bill said simply.

“Hm...maybe not, but I could whip up some Mabel Juice!” Mabel's eyes lit up.

“Uh, Mabel?” Stan frowned, walking into the room. “What's 'Mabel Juice'? Is it safe?”

“Sure! It's better than coffee, let me make some and you can try it!” She ran off.

Bill looked at Dipper. “Is it safe?”

“I don't remember what happened the last time I tried some.” Dipper admitted. “You should stop you, Grunkle Stan.”

“Uh, sure. What the hell is 'Time Punch'?” Stan asked.

“Huh?” Dipper blinked.

“You mentioned a 'Time Punch' earlier?” Stan turned to go after Mabel.

“Oh! Uh...just something I read about!” Dipper nodded. 'I forgot, Grunkle Stan can't see Bill!' He thought.

“Okay. Well, when you find out what it is, I guess you can tell me.” Stan shrugged and walked out.

Bill looked at Dipper. “We need to keep our conversations to the bedroom, I think.”

Dipper nodded. “Good idea.” He stretched and hopped off the chair. “So...you don't have any ideas?”

“Well, mirror balls are always fun, and music. And you gotta have food and drinks, but maybe not Mabel Juice because I don't trust what I'm hearing.” Bill shrugged. “Streamers are a good idea, and maybe balloons. Got any colored lights?”

Dipper shrugged. “This all sounds pricey.” He looked over at the door. “Should we have costumes?”

“Uhh, maybe not.” Bill shrugged. “I dunno, we demons don't wear costumes.”

“Are all demons secretly flying Doritos?” Dipper grinned.

“Uh, no. Just me.” Bill shook his head. “Who all do we have to help? We got your sister, your uncle, you, Question Mark, and Gideon?”

“Wendy might help.” Dipper pointed out.

“Oh yeah, Red might help.” Bill nodded.

Mabel came back into the room. “Dipper, what did you tell Grunkle Stan? He made me stop!” She pouted.

“Just the truth, that I don't remember what happened the one time mom let you give me some.” Dipper smiled innocently.

Mabel sighed. “Okay, so we're gonna stick with regular soda. Or maybe apple cider. Grunkle Stan, can we get apple cider?” She called.

Stan poked his head into the room. “Sure, why not? I'll see if Susan wants to help with the food, too.” He walked off to the phone.

“He's so happy with her.” Mabel smiled. “Oh! I should ask Wax Stan for advice!” She walked out of the room.

Bill stared blankly. “...Uh, but it's wax. It doesn't...it's not cursed. Why would she ask...nevermind.” He slapped his hand to his face and groaned.

Dipper shrugged. “Maybe she already had some Mabel Juice?”

**–**

The kitchen was smelling like pastries and Wendy and Dipper were playing with spray streamers while Mabel carefully cut out construction paper words.

“Need some help?” Stan knelt next to her.

“Sure!” Mabel smiled and handed him some of the stack. “Gideon had work, but he promised to be over after.”

“Ah, I don't fault him for not coming right away. Especially since you put yourself up against his cousin. Talk about awkward.” Stan said as he cut out the words carefully.

“I didn't think about that.” Mabel admitted.

“Whee!” Dipper ran by with a spray-streamer.

“Hey, Dipper!” Stan called out to him.

“Yeah?” Dipper looked over.

“Why don't you make copies of this flyer?” Stan held out a piece of paper. “I just made it a bit ago. Wendy can help you.”

“Sure!” Dipper took the paper and ran over to Wendy. “Wendy, can you help me make copies of this?”

“The copy machine's in my office.” Stan informed them, going back to cutting.

“Alright, let's go.” Wendy smiled, taking Dipper's hand and going to Stan's office.

Once there, they found the dusty, old copier sitting in the corner. It looked newly-repaired, but also on the verge of falling apart. They looked at each other awkwardly and Dipper crept over to it.

“...Hello? Are there any ghosts attached to this thing?” He poked at it. “Hm, nothing. Okay, let's try it.”

“You know the best way to test it?” Wendy grinned.

“How?” Dipper asked.

“Lie on your back, kiddo!” Wendy lifted him up and put him on the copier.

“Whoa!” He squirmed a bit and then lay down on it. “Are you sure this is safe?”

“Sure, why not?” Wendy hit the copy button and the scanner went under Dipper's body. Then the copy started to come out and landed on the ground.

“Haha, look at that! It's your back!” Wendy pointed at it.

“Uh...” Bill looked over as well. “Pine Tree...?”

Dipper looked over and gasped as the paper shifted.

“Oh, shit.” Wendy breathed, then picked Dipper up and slowly backed away as what looked like another Dipper came out of the paper and advanced towards them.

“Wendy?” The other Dipper spoke.

“Oh, shit, run!” Wendy yelled, running out of the office with the other Dipper following.

**\--**

“What in the?” Stan looked over to see Wendy running by carrying Dipper, with another Dipper following. “HOT BELGIAN WAFFLES!”

“Dipper!” Mabel got up and ran over to the other Dipper. “Okay, you! What do you want with my brother?!”

“Mabel!” The other Dipper smiled and reached out for a hug.

“He came out of the copy machine!” Wendy exclaimed behind her.

“I think he's my clone!” Dipper chimed in.

“Clone?” Stan came out of the lounge. “Well, what does it want?”

“Uhm...” Mabel stepped towards the other Dipper, who still had his arms extended. “I think...he wants a hug?”

“Mabel, be careful.” Stan said warningly.

Mabel extended her arms and the other Dipper ran into them, giggling as it did. “Yeah, I think he just wants a hug. Uh...what do we do with you, other Dipper? What do we even call you?”

“I like the name Tyrone!” Dipper said in unison with his clone.

Mabel blinked and looked over at Dipper and then “Tyrone”. “Uh...okay, Tyrone.” She reached in her pocket and wrote T on his hat in the place of the missing pine tree image on Dipper's hat. “There we go, now we can tell you apart from a distance!”

Stan looked at the clone curiously. “Clone...huh. Okay, so the copy machine copies people, too. That's...interesting. Might make for a cool gimmick, actually.”

“Can we keep him?” Dipper squirmed in Wendy's arms and she set him down.

Mabel shrugged. “Well, I don't know if we could take him home.” She looked at Stan. “Can we?”

Stan sighed. “Well, alright. But you said he came out of the copy machine?”

“Yeah, out of paper.” Dipper walked over to Tyrone and hugged him.

“Might wanna keep him away from any liquids, then.” Stan nodded. “I mean, if he came out of paper he's probably made of paper.”

“Yikes!” Dipper looked at Tyrone. “Better not get you wet, then!”

Tyrone nodded. “Yeah, we better not.”

Mabel looked thoughtful. “Hm...clones might come in handy...”

“Mabel?” Wendy looked at her. “What are you planning?”

Mabel smiled and walked off to the office.

**–**

Gideon got out of his father's car. “I'll call you when I need to be picked up. Don't forget to buy groceries today.”

“I know. Have fun, Gideon.” Bud waved and waited for Gideon to get to the door before he drove off.

Gideon nodded and knocked on the door. He heard a bunch of feet running and then the door was opened by Mabel, who was wearing a pink sweater with a black 4 on it.

“Hi, Gideon!” She greeted. “We've been waiting for you!” She looked over her shoulder. “Go tell Mabel that Gideon's here!”

“Huh?” Gideon blinked in confusion. Not-Mabel stepped back and let him in and he saw a whole bunch of Mabels running around painting and cutting construction paper and pinning things up on the wall, and it was all very confusing.

“Gideon!” Mabel – who didn't have a number on her sweater – ran over to him with papers in her hand. “Hey, you came! Sorry for the crowd, we're getting ready for the party! Oh!” She looked around. “Dipper? Tyrone? Wendy? Can you help me out and put these flyers up around town?”

“Who's Tyrone...?” Gideon asked as Dipper and another Dipper approached them with Wendy. He noticed that Bill was sitting on the Dipper that wore a pine tree hat and the other Dipper had a T on his hat.

“Gideon, this is Tyrone. He's Dipper's clone. All these other Mabels are my clones, and I'll show you how we did it, c'mon!” Mabel handed the flyers to Wendy and pulled Gideon inside.

Gideon followed her past all the other Mabels and then stopped in front of a copy machine. “...This is...a copy machine?”

“Uh-huh! I copied myself, like, ten times!” She glanced to the side. “Okay, eleven, but we're not counting that one.”

Gideon looked at the corner, where another Mabel was curled up in her sweater, looking a bit deranged and like crinkled paper. “Is that the one you don't talk about?”

“She's Paper-Jam Mabel.” Mabel nodded. “That was messy.”

Gideon looked at the machine. “Mabel, are you sure it's safe?”

“Well, Bill didn't say _not_ to use it.” Mabel shrugged. “He just seemed a bit freaked by the other Dipper.”

“The place seems a big crowded, to be honest. And where are you going to put all your clones during the party?” Gideon asked.

Mabel shrugged. “I dunno, the woods? I'll figure it out then.”

Gideon looked at her. “It's better to figure it out now, Mabel. I heard your uncle mention a basement before?”

“Oh yeah, he did to do that. I'll go ask him if we can stash the clones in the basement.” Mabel nodded, walking out of the room.

Gideon nodded, looking at the copy machine again before he followed her out.

**–**

“Basement?” Stan looked up in surprise.

“Yeah! Can I put the clones in there?” Mabel asked.

“Uhh...I dunno...” Stan rubbed the back of his neck. “It's a bit...cluttered.”

“Well, then I'll have to clean it up!” Mabel nodded.

“Clean what up?” Dipper poked his head in. “We finished putting up the flyers. Soos gave us a ride in his truck!”

“The basement.” Mabel looked at Dipper. “Wanna come?”

Bill sat up on Dipper's head, his interest piqued. “Sure!” Dipper nodded.

Stan stood up. “Alright, alright...just let me clean it up a bit and, uh, hide some...adult stuff I've been stashing down there.”

“Ohh, like what?” Wendy asked.

“Like adult stuff!” Stan walked out of the room quickly.

“I haven't seen any basement here the whole time I worked here.” Wendy admitted. “I have _no_ idea where it is.”

Dipper walked out of the room, looking around. “I didn't see where he went. Did you?” He asked Bill.

“Try asking one of the Mabels.” Bill shrugged.

Stan came out of the giftshop. “Okay...I'll show you the basement. C'mon, kids.”

“Am I invited?” Wendy asked, following Mabel and Gideon out.

Stan nodded. “Sure. C'mon.” He led the way to the giftshop.

To their surprise, he typed in a code and revealed a secret elevator behind the vending machine. “Alright, everyone in.” He said, walking in. They followed him and he hit the close door button, the elevator moving down.

“This is so cool!” Dipper said excitedly.

Bill kept silent, tensing up a bit. The door opened and they stepped out into what looked like an underground office, with a desk and light. 

“I already hid the adult stuff, so don't you kids go looking!” Stan said as they looked around. “I don't wanna have to explain anything!”

“Oh, darn.” Wendy said jokingly. “And here I really wanted to see your 'adult stuff'.”

Bill looked past the desk, a lump forming in his throat. Stan had covered up the window and door, heck the whole dang console, with a tarp and in this darkness the kids were none the wiser. But Bill knew. Ohh, he knew. 

“Wooow. This is a great place to put the clones!” Mabel said, looking around.

Gideon walked over to the desk and ran his finger on it. 'It's been used recently.' He thought, noting the lack of dust. 'Very recently. What was he doing down here?' He looked around, but didn't see anything interesting. Certainly not what he was  _ hoping _ to find down here.

“I don't want you kids down here without me, got it?” Stan said, crossing his arms over his chest. “If you get hurt then no one would hear you scream for help.”

“I'm sure the clones will be fine.” Mabel nodded.

“Speaking of, let's get back upstairs.” Stan nodded to the elevator.

The kids followed him and Wendy back into the elevator and went back up. Stan made sure the vending machine was locked in place and then they went back to the kitchen area.

“Oh, there you are!” Susan smiled. “I was wondering where you all disappeared to!”

“We went into his spooky basement!” Dipper grinned.

“Well, food's ready for tomorrow. I'll be sure to pop in and see how things are going after work!” She kissed Stan's cheek and walked out.

“I'll walk you to the door!” Stan said, following her.

“Between Susan and the clones, I think we have everything almost ready.” Mabel turned to Gideon. “Sorry you came for nothing.”

“Time with you is _never_ nothing.” Gideon said, smiling and taking her hand in his. “I'll be sure to attend your party tomorrow.”

She smiled. “Thanks, it'll be good to see you. Oh, gosh, what if  _ everyone _ shows up? That'll be craaaazy!”

“Maybe that tough girl will show up!” Dipper grinned.

“'Tough girl'?” Wendy asked.

“Someone we saw the other day. She won us free pancakes!” Dipper nodded.

“Well, if everyone shows up, then I'm sure you'll see her there.” Gideon shrugged.

Mabel nodded, then looked out the window. “And Pacifica will be there.”

“She did say she would be.” Gideon nodded.

“I'm gonna make her _eat her words_.” Mabel clenched her free hand, Gideon still holding her other hand. “And also delicious pie.”

“Now I'm hungry.” Dipper looked at his stomach.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's party time!
> 
> ((A/N: Yes, Wendy swore. She was kind of freaked out, cut her some slack. :p ))


	24. Party Start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The party begins, and Mabel and Dipper meet the two girls from the diner!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

Mabel watched the clock, nervously pacing around the decorated lounge. “What if they hate it? What if I did terrible?” She asked anxiously.

“Mabel, you're working yourself up.” Stan walked over and placed his hand on her shoulder. “The place looks great!”

“But, what if no one comes?” Mabel asked. “The Northwests are rich, they could pay people not to come.”

“I can assure you that while they will use money to turn things in their favor, they are not low enough to cheat outright.” Gideon assured her from where he was helping Dipper put together a puzzle. “Besides, I told Pacifica that if she did then I wouldn't speak to her for a month.”

“That would suck, because you're a great person to talk to.” Dipper commented with a smile.

Gideon chuckled and set one of the pieces in place. “I am quite a charmer, yes.” He looked at Mabel. “Don't worry, people will come for sure. If nothing else, to get pictures of the 'dream couple'.” He looked back at the puzzle.

Mabel grinned a bit. “That's true.” She sighed and then looked at the clock again. “Still, I'm anxious.”

“That's understandable. I was anxious the first time I did a show, too. I honestly forgot my introduction and stammered for a bit before I improvised by sayin' that I was seein' signs from the cosmos, and then all went well after that.” Gideon said, setting down another piece.

“Wow. I didn't know even you could get nervous.” Mabel looked at him in surprise.

“Well, I must admit, I get nervous every time I'm about to come over to see you.” Gideon blushed a bit. “I'm afraid I'll do somethin' embarrassing.”

“Like what?” Mabel laughed. “I'm the embarrassing one!”

“I can think of a few things.” Bill commented, lazily laying on Dipper's hat.

“You're not embarrassing, Mabel.” Stan assured her. “If you were, I doubt that Gideon would fall in love with you.”

“What _some_ people may find embarrassing, I find endearing.” Gideon assured her.

“Who would find her embarrassing?” Dipper looked at Gideon.

Gideon sighed. “Well, Pacifica doesn't seem to like Mabel, but she also said that Mabel was 'plain'.” He explained.

“Pacifier's dumb.” Dipper said, looking back at his puzzle.

“Well, he _is_ , but they said 'Pacifica', kid.” Bill commented.

Stan, Gideon and Mabel laughed at Dipper's mistake.

–

The time came for the party to start, and Stan and Mabel went to go greet the guests that were coming in as Gideon and Dipper cleaned up the puzzle and took it to Dipper and Mabel's bedroom. When they came back down, the party area was full of teenagers and kids that had seen the flyers.

“Wow, that's a lot of people.” Dipper commented.

“I don't see Pacifica yet.” Gideon commented.

“Wendy!” Dipper hopped in place and ran over to greet her.

“Hey, kiddo!” Wendy picked him up and spun him around a bit. “How you doing? Your sister's party looks great!”

Dipper smiled. “Thanks! She worked really hard on it!”

Wendy laughed and set him down. “I'm gonna go hang out with Robbie over here, so I'll play with you later, okay?”

“Okay!” He waved and then turned to see Gideon had walked over to talk to Mabel. “Aw, darn. I'm alone again.”

“Hey.” Bill poked his cheek.

“Well, _yeah_ , but people can't see you so I may as well be alone.” Dipper whispered.

“Do you want to play with me?” A girl asked. Dipper looked behind him to see a black-haired girl with big, round glasses and a friendly smile standing there. “My name is Candy. What's yours?”

“I'm Dipper!” He held out a hand and she shook it. “Oh, hey, I've seen you before! You and your friend gave us free pancakes!”

“Grenda's very nice.” Candy said, looking over to the side. “Unfortunately, not many people realize that. They can't get past her size, I think.”

“You mean how tall and strong she is? But that's cool!” Dipper said cheerfully.

Candy looked surprised and then nodded. “Yes, how tall and strong she is. Do you want to meet her?”

“I have to thank her for the pancakes.” Dipper nodded. 

Candy laughed and led him over to where Grenda was sitting in a chair by the wall. “Grenda!”

The red-head looked over and smiled. “Hey, Candy! I was wondering if you disappeared on me!”

“Nope, just found a friend.” Candy sat down next to her and helped Dipper up into another chair.

“I'm Grenda.” Grenda smiled.

“I'm Dipper! Thanks for the pancakes the other day!” Dipper grinned.

“No problem.” Grenda grinned.

“Dipper!” Mabel walked over to them. “Here you are! Didn't you hear me calling you?”

Dipper looked at her. “Uh...nope!” He said honestly with a big smile.

Mabel sighed. “Oh, what will I do with you, Dip-dop?” She looked at Candy and Grenda. “Thanks for keeping him company. I was worried he was going to wander off into the woods when he was left alone!”

“No, we caught him before he even thought about it.” Candy assured her, then held out a hand. “I'm Candy, and this is Grenda.”

“I'm Mabel!” Mabel shook her hand. “How are you liking the party so far?”

“Well, it doesn't suck.” Grenda shrugged. “To be honest, we haven't really been to many big parties.”

“We're pretty much the social outcasts. Everyone thinks we're weird.” Candy shrugged.

“Hey, weird is my middle name.” Mabel grinned. “You're always welcome to my parties.”

“Why are you with Gideon?” Grenda asked curiously. “I mean, I've seen you in the paper, you look pretty happy, but isn't Gideon a little...” She waved her hand in an iffy way. “Overbearing?”

“Nah, he just spoils me and Dipper.” Mabel grinned. “I think he likes having someone to spoil.”

“Well, just be careful. He can have his...moments.” Candy nodded, then got off the chair. “Oh, it's a fun song! Dipper, do you want to go dance?”

“Sure!” Dipper hopped off the chair and followed her to the crowded dance floor.

Mabel smiled, watching them go, then looked at Grenda. “Mind if I sit?”

“Sure.” Grenda nodded.

Mabel sat down in the chair next to her. “So, we didn't get to talk last time we met. I'm kind of new to town.”

“And you're already the most interesting thing we've had in years.” Grenda grinned. “You've been in the news quite a few times, I'm a bit envious.”

“Well, when someone tries to kill your uncle, you can be in the news, too.” Mabel playfully shoved her. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure.” Grenda shrugged.

“Uhm...” Mabel licked her lips, trying to figure out how to say this. “You've seen Pacifica's parties, right?”

“If by 'seen' you mean was it televised? Only the really big ones.” Grenda reached to the back of her neck and pulled out an iguana, petting it fondly. “Pacifica's family doesn't invite the 'riffraff', Gideon gets in just on the grounds that he's family and he'll get in even if he's not invited.”

“I don't think Gideon's that rude.” Mabel shook her head.

“Well, when he wants something, he generally takes it by whatever means. I think it's the Northwest blood in him. Then again, he was pretty nice up until he had that coma when he was eight...” Grenda looked to the side thoughtfully.

“If you say so. I'll go by what I know, though, and Gideon hasn't been...well, _too_ overbearing. Especially after he slowed down our relationship again. That was just weird, like he expected us to be married in a week or something.” Mabel shrugged.

Grenda looked back at Mabel. “Do you wanna hold my iguana?”

“Sure!” Mabel held out her arms for the reptile.

–

“Sounds like the party's going well.” Tyrone came back from peeking out at the party. “Everyone;s happy. I don't see Pacifica, though.”

“This isn't fair.” Mabel 2 frowned. “Why shouldn't we be able to enjoy the party, too? We set it up!”

“Because if we did, then people would freak out?” Mabel 3 offered.

“Not if Mabel 1 isn't there.” Mabel 4 said slyly.

“We should kidnap her!” Mabel 5 insisted, then looked at Tyrone. “You'll help, right?”

“Uh, no? I'm not going to help you in your crime.” Tyrone walked over and sat in the desk chair. “I'm being a good boy and not causing trouble!”

“Fine, then you can stay here with Paperjam Mabel.” Mabel 2 turned to the elevator. “Let's go get her, girls.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun-dun-duuuuuuun!


	25. Attack of the Clones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mabel is abducted by the clones, and Dipper and Gideon rush to her rescue! But what do they find in the basement when they do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Any sign of her yet?” Mabel asked anxiously. “What if she doesn't show up?”

“Then she will lose the wager by default, on the grounds of her cowardice keeping her from seeing if it's better or not.” Gideon said, offering her a glass. “Have something to drink and sit down, you've been on your feet all day.”

“Okay.” Mabel nodded, taking the glass and going to sit down.

“Mabel, you okay?” Dipper walked over to her. “Do you need anything?”

“Maybe a bit of air.” Mabel stood up. “I'm just gonna head over to the gift shop, okay?”

“Want me to come with?” Dipper asked.

“No, you keep partying. But come find me if you see Pacifica!” She headed out of the room.

“...I don't know what she looks like, though.” Dipper frowned.

**–**

Mabel stepped into the gift-shop and sighed, walking over to look out the window. “I just gotta impress her. I'll make her eat her words. How dare she talk badly about my family. Money isn't everything.” She clenched her fists.

She heard the vending machine move behind her and turned to see the Mabel clones coming out. “Girls, what are you doing out?! You're supposed to stay down there during the party!”

“We decided that it was unfair.” Mabel 2 said, pulling out a handkerchief as the clones moved around her. “We did _all_ that work, and we don't even get to _enjoy_ it? I don't think so. Girls, grab her.”

“Hey, leave me alone!” Mabel cried as the clones suddenly grabbed her. “Let me go, you...you creeps! Help! Dipper, Gideon, he--!” She cried, then was cut off by Mabel 2's handkerchief.

“You need to keep your mouth shut. Let's bring her downstairs. Then we can take turns enjoying the party.” Mabel 2 said, leading the way back into the elevator.

**–**

Bill looked over at the gift-shop, frowning. “Kid.” He tapped his cheek. “Did you hear that?”

“Hear what?” Dipper asked quietly.

“It sounded like your sister. Let's go check it out.” Bill nodded firmly.

Dipper nodded, then went to tug on Gideon's sleeve. “Gideon, I'm worried about Mabel.”

Gideon frowned and nodded, heading for the gift-shop with Dipper right behind. “Why, what did you hear?”

“Well, I didn't hear anything, but Bill heard something that worried him.” Dipper said as they stepped into the gift-shop.

“The vending machine.” Bill breathed.

“Why is it open?” Gideon moved closer, just in time for Mabel to step out, adjusting her sweater. “Mabel? Are you alright?”

“Of course I'm alright! Why wouldn't I be alright?” Mabel asked, running her fingers through her hair.

“You're...paler.” Dipper commented.

“Shooting Star, is everything alright?” Bill asked.

“Don't be silly, Dipper, I'm fine!” Mabel assured him, patting him on the head.

“Shooting Star!” Bill snapped. “Look at me!”

Mabel walked past them, as if she didn't hear him.

“That's not Shooting Star.” Bill hissed.

Gideon held out a hand. “ _Retaw._ ” He said, water coming out of his hand. Mabel gasped and tried to protect herself before she melted to the floor, the sweater the only thing left.

“...Mabel!” Gideon ran into the elevator. Dipper grabbed the sweater and followed him, just before the door closed.

“How did you know to do that?” Bill asked Gideon as the elevator went down.

“Mabel said that they were made of paper, so I figured water would work.” Gideon admitted. “I was honestly just guessing. I didn't expect her to...melt.” He grimaced at the memory.

“Yeah, that was...creepy.” Dipper nodded.

“I doubt we're done with that nightmare. Shooting Star must be down here somewhere!” Bill said, and then the elevator opened and they stepped out.

They found a bunch of startled Mabel clones, a torn section of tarp that they thought was just wall, and the muffled cries of Mabel beyond the tarp. Gideon looked at the other two, then at the clones. “Get out of our way now, or we will dispose of you.” He said coolly.

“Just try it!” One of the clones said, moving forward.

Gideon conjured up another water spell, and Bill flew off of Dipper's shoulder and changed into a bigger form, forming fire in his hands. “Pine Tree, you go find Shooting Star!” Bill told him.

“Okay!” Dipper ducked a Mabel that tried to grab him and headed for the rip in the “wall”. To his surprise, he found a control panel behind it and a door leading into a bigger area. Mabel's cries were coming from behind the door, and Dipper ran over and jumped up to turn the knob. “Mabel!”

“Ibber! Eeeeeelp!” Mabel squirmed in her bonds, tied to an office chair.

“I'm coming, Mabel!” He ran over and pulled at her bonds, helping her escape them. Once she was finally free, he looked behind her and frowned. “What is this weird triangle thing?”

“Mabel!” Gideon ran in, Bill shrinking as he followed him. He looked fatigued, and flopped onto Dipper's head with a sigh of relief. “Thank goodness you're okay!” He pulled her close, then looked behind her. “...What is that?”

“That...is a portal.” Bill commented. “To another world. It's broken now, but that's what it was. A portal to another world.” He looked at Mabel. “Wanna go back to the party?”

Gideon frowned a bit, looking at the portal thoughtfully. It felt like he'd seen it before somewhere...

“Yes. Let's go back.” Mabel looked at Gideon. “Gideon? Pacifica is coming?”

“Right. Of course. Ah, let's not tell your uncle we found this place. He might get angry.” Gideon said as they headed back to the elevator.

“How are we gonna explain the rip in the—who's there?!” Mabel looked to the side defensively.

“It's just me.” Tyrone poked his head out from under the desk. “Are you gonna melt me and burn me up, too?”

“Are you gonna kidnap Mabel?” Gideon asked.

Tyrone shook his head.

“Then, we won't. Will you stay here until after the party?” Gideon asked.

Tyrone nodded.

“Good. We'll see you later, then.” Gideon led Mabel out.

“It's okay, Tyrone. Want me to bring you some food?” Dipper asked.

“I'll be okay.” Tyrone shook his head. “You go enjoy the party, Dipper.”

Dipper smiled and ran after the others.

**–**

Pacifica stepped into the party with her two friends, fully prepared to be disappointed. Instead, she hated to admit it, it actually looked kind of fun. No stuffy dances, no formal greetings, just...kids having fun. Of course, her parents would never stand for her to admit such a thing, but she had to at least secretly admit it.

“Pacifica.” Gideon approached her, his hand holding Mabel's to keep her close. “I'm glad you made it. I was starting to think you wouldn't show.”

Pacifica flipped her hair. “Traffic was troublesome. As for this party, so far I am not offended by it. But, there's still time. I'm going to get a drink.” She walked off, her friends following behind her.

“Was that Pacifier?” Dipper poked his head around Gideon's back. “She's wearing a lot of purple.”

“Pacifica.” Gideon corrected, while Bill had a private giggle at the thought of the “Pacifier” he knew in Pacifica's clothes. “And some people just have colors they prefer.” He looked at Mabel. “Are you going to be alright?”

“Mmhm.” Mabel nodded. “I think I'll have a drink too, though.”

“Alright, I'll go with you. And afterwards, maybe we can share a dance?” He asked, walking away with her.

“That'll be nice.” Mabel smiled.

“And they're off in la-la land.” Dipper sighed, looking around. “Oh, Grenda! Hi!” He walked over to where she was standing with Candy.

“Hey, Dipper.” Grenda grinned. “Have you had any of the food yet?”

“Where did you disappear to?” Candy asked. “You and Gideon looked worried.”

“I sampled some earlier, but I'll grab a plate now. And Mabel was being kidnapped by her evil clones, so Gideon and I had to go save her.” Dipper said matter-of-factly.

“Clones?” Candy asked.

“Yeah! Clones!” Dipper grinned.

“That sounds amazing.” Grenda grinned. “Did you win?”

“Psh, duh! Mabel got rescued! And now she's off in la-la land with Gideon, so I'm alone again.” Dipper shrugged.

“Well, we're here.” Grenda smiled.

“Yes, you're not alone.” Candy assured him.

“Thanks!” Dipper beamed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pacifica is not offended, but is she impressed?
> 
> ((A.N.: Sorry about being gone so long, guys! My baby boy is getting his second-to-last batch of teeth in and on top of the sweltering summer heat it has made him very distressed and needy. On top of that, we've been watching Smallville together so that's been occupying my screen. XD Anyways, it's mostly baby that made me take so long. But, I will be working on my writings now, so keep an eye out on my stories!))


	26. Treasure Hunt!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Dipper hears the name of Pacifica's ancestor, he remembers something he read in the Journal and invites Mabel, Gideon and Pacifica to look into it with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Okay, this is my assessment.” Pacifica had gathered the family and Gideon with her in the living room after the party was over. “I've made a list of everything, so pay attention.”

“Yes, ma'am.” Mabel nodded firmly.

“Oooookay.” Dipper yawned.

“Get on with it already.” Stan motioned to her clipboard.

Pacifica bristled with annoyance but kept it to herself as she started. “Okay. First of all, the rotating streamers were pretty great. They reflected the lights like the mirror ball did and made pretty designs on the wall and floor. Great job. Handmade or store-bought?

“Well, mostly hand-made.” Mabel beamed. “We had to buy the materials, of course!”

“Of course. There may be hope for you yet.” Pacifica moved on. “As for the food, I'm guessing that you had help from Miss Susan. I recognized her pies. And the drink was rather pleasant. Fruit punch?”

“Mixed with lemon-lime soda.” Mabel nodded.

“Who made the cookies?” Pacifica asked.

“I did!” Dipper raised his hand. “Susan helped me.” He lowered his hand to his mouth as he yawned again.

“They were delicious and I packed some in a container to take home.” Pacifica smiled a bit and then continued. “The music selection was decent, you didn't have too much of one thing and I didn't see anyone complaining about the music. By the time the party was over, the place was packed, which means that no one left early saying it sucked or anything.” Pacifica lowered her clipboard. “All in all...I'd give you...I guess you deserve an A. But next time, pick a bigger place. My only issue was trying to get around all the people.”

“Yes, ma'am.” Mabel giggled.

Pacifica nodded and tucked her clipboard under her arm. “I guess I'm not too opposed to you dating my cousin. I'll be watching you, though. I'm going home, get your brother to bed before he causes an epidemic with his yawning.”

Mabel giggled and got up to pick Dipper up. “Alright, let's get you to bed.”

Pacifica nodded and turned to go. “Oh!” She turned back to them. “Are you guys participating in the Pioneer Day festivities?”

Stan grimaced. “That's already coming up?”

“What's that?” Mabel asked.

“It's to celebrate the day my great-great-grandfather, Nathaniel Northwest, founded this town.” Pacifica smiled proudly.

“Sounds fun.” Dipper said sleepily. “I wanna go.”

“I'll think about it.” Stan grumbled. “I've never had good experiences there. Last year I got put in the stocks!”

“Don't you get put in the stocks _every_ year?” Gideon reminded him. “It's because you're so unpleasant. It won't hurt to play along and be pleasant once in a while.”

“Says the one who got me put in the stocks last year.” Stan grumbled.

“And the year before that it was Dan Corduroy.” Pacifica commented. “Well, even if _you_ don't, I'm sure your family wants to go.”

“I do, actually.” Mabel spoke up, carrying Dipper out of the living room.

“Agh, fine! But I'm not dressing up!” Stan crossed his arms over his chest.

“Just be pleasant. Put on your business smile.” Gideon stood up. “I should walk Pacifica to the door and head home.” He walked up to Mabel and Dipper's room to say good night.

Stan looked at Pacifica. “...Hey, thanks for the A. You really made her happy.”

“She deserved it. Anyways, I should go.” She paused. “Although, I am a bit concerned about who her brother keeping company with last night. They do tend to be...weird in dangerous ways.”

“You mean like McGucket?” Stan sighed. “I know, but Mabel and Dipper seemed to like 'em. Besides, they're good kids.”

Pacifica shrugged. “Okay. Just remember that Candy Chiu set the gym on fire last year with one of her experiments.”

“Hah! What nerd _hasn't_ done that, eh?” He nudged Wax Stan playfully and chuckled.

“Pacifica, your limo is here.” Gideon came into the room. “Let's get you home.”

Pacifica nodded. “See you, Mr. Pines.” She waved and walked out with Gideon.

Stan watched her go, chuckling a bit more before it petered out and he looked at Wax Stan. “...Nerd.” He mumbled, before reaching for the TV.

**–**

“Mabel, Bill, look at this!” Mabel was woken up by Dipper excitedly exclaiming. She rubbed at her eyes and saw him holding up a folded piece of paper. “It's a treasure map!”

“A treasure map?” That got her attention.

“Not all treasure is good, kid.” Bill remarked.

“But, I bet this one is!” Dipper grinned.

Mabel walked over to look at what he was reading. “Oh, it's the Journal. 'In my investigations, I recently made a discovery. Nathaniel Northwest may not be the founder of Gravity Falls.' What?” She looked at Dipper.

“I thought I heard the name before, so I decided to double-check.” Dipper shrugged. “But, this IS the guy that sealed Bill away, so it might be bogus. But there's a treasure map!”

Mabel shrugged and continued reading. “'I believe the proof of this secret is buried somewhere on the enclosed document. If only I could crack the code'.” She looked at the folded piece of paper. “Okay, let's see it.”

Dipper opened it up and gasped. “It's Bill!”

“Huh? That's not Bill.” Mabel frowned, looking at said demon on her brother's hat.

“Well, it's what he looked like before he changed into this form. I kept calling him a Dorito!” Dipper giggled.

“...Ooookay.” Mabel looked at the paper again.

“Well, sort of. There's his eye, but a bunch of extra stuff, too.” Dipper frowned. “I don't get it. Think we should show it to Pacifica and Gideon?”

“Well, if anyone deserves to know he might be a fraud, it's her.” Mabel stretched. “Let's get dressed.”

“Oh no!” Dipper gasped. “I forgot to pack my pilgrim costume!”

“They'll probably have costumes you can buy.” Mabel assured him. “Let me ask Gideon, after I get dressed.” 

“Hey, are you actually gonna stay with him?” Bill asked. “I mean, doesn't this count as a big town event?”

“I already got his cousin's blessing, and she said not to break his heart. We couldn't possibly break up now!” Mabel sighed. “Besides...Gideon's sweet.”

“Sure, for a kid two years younger than you.” Bill scoffed.

“Man, he really got you with that Peter Pan dance bit, didn't he?” Bill rolled onto his back, looking at her as she got dressed. “It was the singing, wasn't it? Actually, weren't you freaking out about him going too fast?”

“That was AFTER the topic of marriage came up, and one highly-public date after another.” Mabel reminded him. “And he's been really great after he slowed down again!”

“Sure, great at _not showing us the 2_ _nd_ _Journal_.” Bill grumbled. “You didn't ask yet, did you?”

Mabel laughed sheepishly as she pulled her sweater over her head.

“Of course you didn't. Do I have to do _everything_ myself?” Bill asked, dramatically draping a gloved arm over his face.

“No, I'm here.” Dipper rolled his eyes up to look at him.

“Kid, I'm the one helping _you_ with things.” Bill reminded him.

“Oh yeah.” Dipper grinned.

“I'll ask him, don't worry.” Mabel assured him. “After the event.”

“Hey!” Dipper gasped. “We have the number of people we need now!”

“Huh?” Bill sat up.

“For your physical form thingie! We have enough kids!” Dipper grinned.

“Oh, really? Yeah, I guess with Pacifica we do. But, uh, I gotta be summoned before we can do that.” Bill reminded him.

“Okay, we'll talk to Gideon about it.” Dipper nodded enthusiastically. Bill was unprepared for it and rolled off, hanging onto the bill of his cap to keep himself from falling.

Mabel giggled. “You okay?”

“I'm fine.” Bill floated himself up and huffed. “Geez, kid.”

“Sorry.” Dipper giggled.

“Kids? Are you up yet?” Stan called up the stairs. “If we're going to this event, we want to be there soon! Ugh, where are those snow tires...” He walked away.

“Snow tires?” Mabel frowned and tied her hair back in a ponytail before standing in front of the mirror. “Okay...do you think this shirt is too much?”

“Well, you said yourself they'll probably have stores you can buy the clothes at.” Bill shrugged.

“I think the puppy playing basketball is cute.” Dipper climbed off his bed to pick out his clothes.

Mabel nodded. “Need help getting your clothes on?”

“Nah, I got it!” Dipper picked out a shirt. “We'll be down soon!”

“Okay. I'll leave the door open for you.” Mabel smiled and walked out of the room, pausing to put on her shoes before opening the door and heading out.

**–**

“I found patches of burnt floor in the basement.” Stan commented over breakfast. Mabel froze and Dipper looked at Stan and then his food. “What happened?”

“Uhm...you may've noticed...we don't have the clones anymore. 'Cept Tyrone, still got him.” Mabel poked at her pancakes. “Turns out...the girls wanted to lock me down there during the party. Gideon came down with Dipper and freed me.”

“And the fire?” Stan asked.

“They didn't go down without a fight.” Dipper said, taking a bite of his food. “Very freaky.”

Stan rubbed his his eyes. “So...Gideon set the fire?”

“Uh...” Mabel looked a bit nervous.

“Uhm...that wasn't...Gideon.” Dipper said, lowering his fork to his plate.

“Who was it, then?” Stan asked.

“Uh...” They were distracted by Mabel's phone ringing and she pulled it out. “Yes?”

“Hey, Mabel. I was wondering if your uncle was still not wanting to come, maybe I could pick you two up?” Gideon asked.

“Nah, I think he said he's going. He was saying something about snow tires?” Mabel shrugged.

“Probably to deal with the mud around there. It's pretty bad.” Gideon replied. “If you don't want to miss the circling of the wagons, you should hurry up. See you there?”

“See you.” Mabel looked at Stan. “Gideon said if we don't go soon we'll miss 'the circling of the wagons'?”

Stan sighed. “I guess you'll want to see that. Fine, fine. Finish eating, we'll finish our discussion later.” He got up to get dressed for going out.

“That was a close one.” Dipper whispered to Bill.

“Maybe next time let Gideon shoulder all the blame for the property damage?” Bill suggested.

“No, then he'd be mad at him.” Dipper shook his head, looking at Mabel as she said good-bye and hung up.

“So, what, you're going to tell him your imaginary friend did it?” Bill scoffed.

“Uhm...yes?” Dipper shrugged.

“That's pretty much saying that _you_ did it.” Bill shook his head.

“Why don't we just tell him about Bill?” Mabel suggested.

“Do you think he'd believe us?” Dipper asked.

“It's worth a try!” Dipper reached up and pulled Bill off his hat. “He's gotta believe it!”

“Maybe just before we go to an event he doesn't really like isn't the best time.” Mabel shook her head. “After we get back, okay?”

“Okay...” Dipper pouted a bit.

“Kids? You getting ready?” Stan asked. “And have you seen my jacket?”

“You put it on Wax Stan this morning, said he was cold.” Mabel told him as she started to clean up the breakfast dishes.

“Why is he worried about if a wax figurine gets cold? What's next, is he going to tuck it into bed and sing it to sleep?” Bill muttered.

“Bill, what do you have against Wax Stan?” Mabel asked.

Bill sighed. “I don't have anything against it, Mabel. Your uncle is just freaking me out.”

“Why?” Dipper asked.

Before Bill could reply, Stan was back in the room. “Ready to go?”

“Yep!” Mabel grinned. “Let's go have fun!”

“Ehhhh, 'fun' is a matter of opinion.” Stan made a face.

**–**

Dipper looked out the window, practically bouncing in his seat, as they drove to the festival. “Did we miss it?” He asked.

“No, we didn't miss it.” Stan sighed, driving up to the outskirts and parking. “Careful, don't fall in the mud.”

“Why is there mud? Did it rain?” Mabel asked as they unbuckled their seatbelts.

“No, the whackos poured water on the ground early this morning. Something about making it 'authentic'.” He opened his door and stepped out. “C'mon, they're about to circle the wagons.”

“Why did we park so far back?” Dipper asked as they climbed out.

“Because if I didn't, they would've circled my car and trapped it!” Stan huffed. “Which is also why we parked close to the treeline.”

“Good idea.” Mabel smiled and carefully directed Dipper around the mud.

“It's not puddles, no fun.” He pouted.

“We didn't bring your rainboots, little broseph. Let's get you past the mud and into the festival.” Mabel said.

“Hold on, we're not moving yet.” Stan said, leaning against the car. “We're gonna watch them circle the wagons first.”

“Oh, okay.” Mabel nodded, holding Dipper still so he didn't run over and get run over by the wagons.

The wagons came up in a line and then started to form a circle, moving in a perfect circle with the oxen tramping on the mud and leaving tracks that were swiftly covered with the tracks of the wagon wheels.

“Mabel, you made it!” Gideon said, walking over to join them as the wagons dispersed and returned to the festival.

“Gideon!” She smiled, then giggled a bit. “What are you wearing?”

Gideon adjusted his powdered wig and showed her the basket on his back. “I'm a tomato merchant. There's costumes inside if you want to pick one out.” He extended his arm to her.

“Oh, thanks!” She took his arm. “Ah, we'll meet you guys at the costume store, okay?”

“Yeah, sure.” Stan picked Dipper up and carried him past the mud.

Dipper looked to his side, where Bill was flying alongside them. Wouldn't now be a good time? “Uhm, Grunkle Stan?”

“Yeah?” Stan set him down once they got into the festival area.

“There's...something I gotta tell you.” Dipper took off his hat and fidgeted with it.

“What's up, kiddo?” Stan knelt down in front of him.

“The one that burnt the lab...” Dipper started to say, but then a crowd of people came by hollering loudly, drowning out what he said next. “Was a demon that has been helping me and Mabel.”

“What was that?” Stan asked, rubbing at his ears. “Ugh, noisy people. What'd you say, kid?”

Dipper was about to repeat himself when Gideon and Mabel approached them. “Mabel? What're you supposed to be?” He asked.

“A tomato farmer.” Mabel adjusted her bonnet and grinned. “C'mon, let's get you a costume!”

“Oh, okay!” He followed her, Bill following close behind.

“What was he tryin' to tell me?” Stan frowned.

“What do you mean?” Gideon asked.

“Oh, something burnt the floor of the basement. They said it wasn't you, and I think he was telling me what caused it but I didn't hear 'cause of all the people.” Stan shook his head.

“Well, ask him when it's quiet.” Gideon shrugged. “Though, you might not be prepared for what you hear.”

“What're you saying?” Stan looked at him.

Gideon glanced at him. “Let's just say that it's not by sheer  _luck_ that your great-nephew has survived the woods' dangers this long.”

Stan frowned. “You know something?”

“I'm not going to share their secret. I can only give you a hint.” Gideon replied. “It's not human.”

Stan looked at where the kids had gone and sighed. “Oh, kids, what have you gotten yourselves involved with?”

**–**

“Dipper, you have to pick something.” Mabel laughed as Dipper looked from costume to costume. “We're gonna be here all day at this rate! Don't you want to see the rest of the festival?”

“Oh, okay.” He picked a generic pioneer costume for little boys and brought it to the dressing room. Mabel breathed a sigh of relief and looked at the woman running the costume store. “Sorry about that.”

“Oh, it's fine! Little children always take forever.” She was assured with a smile.

Dipper came out, fully dressed with his clothes in one of the supplied bags. “Okay, I'm ready!”

“Good!” Mabel looked at the woman. “So, we'll back back at the end of the festival for our clothes.”

“Yep. Oh, you'll need this.” The woman brought over two bracelets with numbers on them. “I'll put the same numbers on your bags so we know it's your stuff! Have fun!”

“Thanks, bye!” Mabel waved and led Dipper out.

They went out to where Stan and Gideon were waiting. “Sorry to keep you waiting. Dipper was being incredibly indecisive!”

“Let's go to the state, Pacifica's family is about to do the opening speech.” Gideon said, motioning for them to follow him.

“Oh, Gideon. There's something about Pacifica's family...” Dipper moved closer to him and pulled the 3rd Journal out of his backpack.

“Hm?” Gideon looked at him.

“I was hoping we could find out about it together?” He showed him the page.

Gideon took the book and paper and looked over it thoughtfully. “Hm...Pacifica might want to know about this claim. Let's wait until after the speech and then bring it up to her. Better not let her parents know, though.”

They gathered with a group of people in front of a stage, which Pacifica and her parents stepped onto. “Welcome, everyone, and happy Pioneer Day!” Pacifica said into a microphone. “As you know, I am Pacifica Northwest, great-great-great-granddaughter of Nathaniel Northwest, the founder of this city!” She waved to the crowd. “But, this day isn't about me. It's about all of us here in Gravity Falls! Would anyone like to come up and introduce themselves to the town?”

“Oh!” Mabel skipped over and climbed up. “Me, me!”

“Sure, why not.” Pacifica handed her the microphone.

Mabel took the microphone and turned to the crowd. “Hi, everyone! I'm Mabel Pines! Isn't this a great festival?! Let's celebrate it to the fullest with ALL our patriotism! USA! USA! USA!”

“USA! USA! US--” A guy in a shirt with the American flag on it started to sob emotionally.

“Well, that was fun.” Pacifica said when Mabel handed the microphone back to her and hopped off. “Anyone else want to come up?”

“That WAS fun.” Mabel said as she rejoined the others.

“A bit silly, don't you think?” Stan asked.

“Psh, as if there's anything wrong with silly.” Mabel rolled her eyes dramatically.

“Can I go up?” Dipper asked.

“Looks like we're out of time.” Gideon commented.

Pacifica's parents took the mic to do their speech and Pacifica stepped off the stage, heading over to them. “Well, that was interesting.”

“Pacifica! Hi!” Dipper waved.

“Hi.” Pacifica nodded to him. “So, I see some of you are dressed for the occasion. You didn't bring a costume, Mr. Pines?” She asked.

“Nope. I don't dress up for this stuff.” Stan crossed his arms over his chest.

“Careful, someone might put you in the stocks again.” She giggled.

“Hah-hah-hah.” Stan rolled his eyes.

“Pacifica, are you busy now?” Dipper asked.

“Well, not really. Why?” She asked.

“Dipper found something about your grandfather, we were going to look into it.” Mabel said as Dipper showed her the journal page and paper.

Pacifica's brow furrowed and she looked over her shoulder. “...Okay, but let me tell my parents I'm going somewhere with Gideon.” She headed over to where her mother was standing to the side.

“We need to figure out this weird map.” Bill commented, sitting on Dipper's shoulder.

Dipper nodded, looking at Stan. “Uhm...how are you at reading weird maps?”

“No idea. Maybe the library will have clues?” Stan shrugged. “This isn't like any treasure map I know.”

“Stanny!” Lazy Susan approached them. “I didn't know you were coming today!”

“Susan!” Stan looked at her, his cheeks tinting pink.

“Care to join me for the festivities?” She asked, offering her arm.

Mabel grinned. “Aw, why don't you go with her? We'll be fine!”

“You sure?” Stan looked at her.

“Promise.” Mabel crossed her heart.

“Well, alright, then!” Stan hooked his arm with Susan's and they headed off.

Pacifica came back over to them. “So, they said I can go with you if I promise to be back by nightfall.”

“Good.” Gideon nodded. “Let's go on a treasure hunt, then.”

“What about him?” Pacifica looked where Stan was walking off.

“He's on a date.” Mabel grinned. “We'll be fine! Let's go to the library so we can figure out this thing!”

The others nodded and they headed off to the library. As they passed the statue of Nathaniel Northwest, Sheriff Blubs and Deputy Durland looked out at them.

“I think we got a problem.” Blubs said quietly, pulling out a CB radio.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Stan is best Stan.  
> Follow the clues, kids!


	27. Follow the Clues!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dipper leads the group on a quest to find the secret The Author hinted to about Pacifica's family! Meanwhile, Blubs and Durland have their OWN secret to keep!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Hm...I can't figure it out.” Gideon said, looking over the map. “Maybe The Author was off his rocker.”

“Maybe.” Mabel tilted her head this way and that, trying to make sense of it.  
  
“Heh, while he did have his moments, he didn't make this.” Bill said, sitting on top of the table to look over the paper.

“Back in the olden days, pioneers drew sustenance from tellin' stories around the fire.” Dipper looked over curiously to watch McGucket talking to some kids while holding a kid. “So, let's eat some books, children! Go ahead, eat the books!” McGucket slapped his knee excitedly and then started to actually gnaw on the book he was holding.

“That man has _so_ many problems.” Pacifica said with a cringe.

“We just need to crack the code.” Gideon got out a projector and slides and started comparing the symbols. “Hm...it's not Egyptian...”

“I could've told you that.” Bill rolled his eyes.

“It's not numerology...” Gideon frowned. “But I know I've seen something similar before...”

The slide changed and Gideon stopped messing with it. “Wait, look! Alchemic symbols! Of course! How did I not see it before?” He set down the paper. “The triangle is the alchemist's symbol for flame! Putting the parchment over a flame should uncover the secret!”

“Now we just need fire!” Pacifica reached for the candle they were reading by. When she looked back at the paper, though, it had moved. “What? Where's the—Mabel?”

Mabel grinned sheepishly. “Sorry, I got the urge to make it into a hat.” She pointed to the map folded into a hat on her head.

“Actually...” Gideon moved Pacifica's hand closer to the “hat”. “You've folded it into a map.”

“Wow! Mabel's being amazabel again!” Dipper said excitedly.

“Amazab—what?” Pacifica shook her head. “Nevermind. Okay, so it's a map. Where does it lead?”

“We're on the lookout for four kids that might be reading.” They heard Sheriff Blubs say.

“We're hunting them down for secret reasons! Whoo!” Deputy Blubs rang a bell he was carrying.

Bill looked at the hat-map. “...That might be you guys.”

“Oh, shoot.” Gideon hissed, pulling them all down under the table.

“What?” Pacifica asked quietly.

“I think they mean us. They must've found out that we have the map.” Gideon replied quietly.

“So, it could be true after all?” Dipper asked.

“Nerp!” Durland knocked over some books and rang his bell and they went into another part of the library.

“Maybe we should take this elsewhere.” Gideon said quietly.

“Where's the map lead?” Mabel took it off and looked at it.

“Hm...” Gideon looked at it. “...I've got it.”

**–**

“The Gravity Falls Museum of History!” Mabel said dramatically as they stood in front of it.

“Are we gonna have to break in?!” Dipper asked excitedly. “I can fit through the sewage pipes!”

“Sewage pipes? You could fit through a window.” Pacifica commented.

“What? No, it's free entry today.” Gideon shook his head.

“Oh.” Dipper pouted.

“Another time, kid.” Bill patted his head comfortingly.

They walked in and were given free day pins and a blue balloon for Dipper. They made their way inside, Gideon leading the way.

“So, what are gonna do next? Steal Thomas Jefferson's rib-cage?” Mabel asked in a conspiring tone.

“Ew! No!” Pacifica made a face and then whispered to Gideon, “ _Why_ are you dating her?”

“She's adorable.” Gideon smiled at her in a loving way.

“According to the map, the next clue about the real town founder should be right about...here.” Gideon lowered the paper and they were in front of a triangular-shaped stone on the wall.

“Well, I'm lost.” Pacifica shrugged. “How is this a clue?”

“We have to figure it out quick.” Dipper said, sitting on a bench and kicking his legs. “Those cops might be coming. I don't think they were there to read, and we gotta finish this treasure map!”

“I don't think the one with the bell _can_ read.” Mabel commented.

“Durland?” Gideon shrugged. “I never asked him. He doesn't really come to my shows, though Blubs does.”

“What IS it, anyway?” Pacifica put her hands on her hips.

“Not sure. Modern art never makes sense, like the cupcake on the water-tower.” Gideon remarked.

“It's an explosion, he said.” Mabel walked over to the bench and sat down. “Hm...hey, painting, be less stupid!” She moved onto her side and then onto her shoulders, gasping. “Whoa! I made sense of it!”

“Huh?” Gideon looked at her.

“It's upside-down!” Mabel pointed to it.

“Really?” Pacifica pulled out her phone and took a picture before turning it around. “Oh. My. Gosh. She's RIGHT. It's upside-down!” She showed it to Gideon.

“I think I've seen that statue in the cemetery!” Mabel got up and Dipper hopped off the bench. “Ahh!” She held her head. “Okay, ow, blood rushing to the head.”

“I'm sorry, but we're all out of pink balloons.” The bonnet-wearing girl at the front said. They looked over to see Blubs and Durland in the doorway, just where they couldn't see them.

“Why did we even come?” Durland asked sadly.

Suddenly, Blubs' radio went off. “Officer Blubs.”

Blubs and Durland passed the girl and Blubs pulled out his radio. “Blubs here.”

“Have the targets been apprehended?” The radio asked.

“Negative, but we're close.” Blubs replied.

“Let's go.” Gideon whispered to the others.

“I promise, those kids will never get past us.” Blubs said, just as the quartet dashed past them at full speed. “Hey, wait!” They ran over to them, but got caught in the door trying to go out at the same time.

“Come on, hurry!” Mabel said as they dashed away from the museum.

**–**

“For the last time, we are NOT going south for the winter!” A man yelled in a building.

“Woodpecker?” Stan asked, looking over.

“Probably.” Susan nodded.

“You ALWAYS say that!” The man stormed out.

“Yeesh, talk about an unhappy marriage.” Stan cringed.

“Have you ever been married?” Susan asked.

“Once, in Vegas. Then my bride left me the very next day, took my car and whatever cash she could. Then I had to get my car from the impound lot.” Stan sighed heavily.

“Oh, Stanny.” Susan rubbed his hand sympathetically.

“Yeah. Luckily, since we never did anything, the marriage was annulled.” Stan rubbed at his eyes. “My whole life, I've had trouble with women...But, I feel like things are changing now.” He looked at her. “Like I've really got a future with you.”

“Oh, Stanny!” She blushed.

**–**

“So...do we go where it's pointing?” Dipper asked, poking at the carving in the stone.

“Maybe, but that could be anywhere.” 

“Ah, gross, she's picking my nose!” Mabel cried out, attracting their attention.

“Doesn't that hurt?” Gideon asked.

“Seriously, _why_?” Pacifica slapped her hand to her face.

“Yeah, actually. Ow, ow, ow.” They heard a clicking sound. “Ah!”

“Are you okay?” Gideon asked, just as Bill screamed “KID!”

“Whoa!” Pacifica lunged to catch Dipper, who was about to fall when the stone he was on top of moved in.

“I'm okay!” He looked down. “Hey, look! Stairs!”

Mabel got off the statue and went over to look, rubbing her nose. “Wow, who would've thought of that?”

“Someone with your sense of humor, apparently.” Pacifica said as the group went down the stairs.

“It's dark. Do we have a flashlight?” Dipper asked.

“E _malf._ ” Gideon said, a flame appearing in his hand. “Look out for any booby traps.”

“Haha, booby traps.” Mabel said, stepping down on a stone.

They heard a click and then a dart hit the wall near her. “Uh oh.”

“Tranquilizer darts!” Gideon held out a hand and the darts flying towards them stopped short. “Go, go!”

“Right!” Pacifica led the others through, and Gideon followed quickly, releasing the darts from his magic.

“Tunnel!” Mabel cried out as they went into it. It turned out to be like a slide and they slid down and through a giant cob-web.

“Ew! Oh, it's on my clothes!” Pacifica tried to get the sticky stuff off. “Couldn't you have burned it?!”

“I was in the back, it would've burned you first.” Gideon said, getting up and offering Mabel a hand. “Why were you in the front?”

Pacifica huffed and then looked forward. “What the heck?!”

“Treasure!” Dipper threw his arms up.

“It's a treasure-trove of historic-y secret-y things!” Mabel walked over and picked up a folder. “Oh, man! Ben Franklin secretly WAS a woman!” She turned it towards them.

“We found it!” Gideon brought his flame spell closer to a folder that said “The Northwest Cover-up”.

“Now to see what the big secret is.” Pacifica walked over and picked it up.

“Hey, look, I found a flashlight in my bag!” Dipper said, holding it up and turning it on.

“Good, this is starting to be a strain.” Gideon canceled his spell and took the flashlight when Dipper handed it to him. Then he opened the folder and aimed the flashlight at it. “'Let it be here recorded that Nathaniel Northwest, fabled found of Gravity Falls was, in fact, a fraud.”

“You skipped some stuff.” Pacifica commented.

“And if you want to read all of that you can, but I'd rather not waste time.” Gideon said.

“Let me see!” Dipper tugged on Mabel, who picked him up to let him see. “Ohh, he said 'I am going to eat this entire oak tree because I am a powerful wizard'!”

“Sounds like McGucket's not the only lunatic in town.” Pacifica mumbled.

“Apparently he was hated by everyone who knew him.” Gideon commented. “Let's see...it looks like he was a waste-shoveling town idiot.”

“That's depressing.” Pacifica sighed.

“Ohh, what's that say about the baby?” Dipper pointed to it.

“You don't wanna read about the baby.” Bill mumbled.

“What baby?” Gideon looked over it again. “Oh. Apparently there's an enormous time-devouring baby sealed in a glacier in the Antarctic. But since glaciers never melt there, we should be fine.”

Bill scoffed and curled up on Dipper's hat.

“So, who really founded it?” Pacifica asked.

“Oh, right.” Gideon moved the flashlight down to the bottom. “The true founder of Gravity Falls was Sir Lord, Quentin Trembly the 3rd, Esquire.”

“Who is that?” Mabel asked.

A flashlight suddenly turned on behind them. “THAT'S none of your business!” Blubs said, pointing at them.

“Whoo! We gotcha! Whoooo!” Durland rang his bell excitedly and then collapsed, darts sticking out of him.

“He got hit by quite a few of those darts.” Blubs explained.

**–**

“I hate to do this, but Quentin Trembly is a matter of National Security.” Blubs said, holding the folder.

“Yeah! Yeah...woo!” Durland slumped over then looked at them. “I think I might be color-blind, now.”

“What do you mean 'National Security'?” Pacifica demanded.

“And who IS Quentin Trembly, anyway?” Mabel asked.

“See for yourself.” Blubs took off his hat and pulled out an old movie-reel.

“What's 'national security'?” Dipper asked Gideon quietly.

“It's top-secret government stuff. Like Area 51.” Gideon explained.

“Oh.” Dipper nodded.

Blubs put the movie-reel in a projector and turned it on. A black and white visual came on the sheet they pointed it at.

“Augh, black and white?!” Mabel protested.

“Shh, Mabel!” Pacifica hissed, nudging her in the side.

A man came on the screen, standing next to a desk and in front of the American flag. “If you're watching this, then you are one of eight people in this United States with clearance to view this information. In fact, I myself will be shot as soon as the filming is complete.” There was a pause. “What? No? Oh! Well, that's a relief! Of all the America's secrets, the most embarrassing was that of Quentin Trembly, the 8th and a half President of the United States.”

“Wait for it.” Bill muttered in Dipper's ear. “I can guarantee there will be worse ones in your lifetime, kiddo.”

“PRESIDENT?!” The kids all cried out.

“8th and a half?” Mabel wondered out loud.

“After winning the 1837 Election in a landslide,” The man continued, as the video showed an _actual landslide_ crushing all his opponents and also half the town, “Quentin Trembly _quickly_ gained a reputation as America's _silliest_ President.” 

The man continued as various images going with what he was saying appeared on-sheet. “He waged war on pancakes, appointed six babies to the Supreme Court, and issued The De-pantsimation Proclamation.”

“Suddenly the clues makes sense...” Pacifica glanced at Mabel.

“His State of the Union speech was even worse.” The man continued, followed up by a recording of his speech:

“The only thing we have to fear...is GIGANTIC MAN-EATING SPIDERS!”

“Heh, he makes Old Man McGucket and your grandfather look _sane_.” Gideon remarked.

“He was kicked out of office, and escaped to an uncharted valley he named Gravity Falls after plummeting into it at high-speed.” The man continued as the video showed him riding his horse backwards in his bloomers and dress shirt and giving a salute to his pursuers. The screen then changed to the man standing next to an upside-down picture of Quentin Trembly. “Trembly's shameful term was erased from history, and officially replaced by William Henry Harrison as President and local nobody Nathaniel Northwest as founder of Gravity Falls.” He said as the pictures of Quentin were replaced by the pictures of President Harrison and Nathaniel Northwest. “The whereabouts of President Trembly's body are unknown...”

“Until now.” Blubs turned off the film and pointed into the corner, where a man was encased in some kind of light-orange material.

“Whoa!” Dipper walked over and touched it. “Is that amber or something?” He licked his finger. “No, it tastes like...hm..” He moved forward to lick it directly.

“Dipper, no, that's gross!” Pacifica pulled him back and looked at Mabel.

“Actually, I would've done it, too.” Mabel admitted sheepishly.

“The fool thought he could live forever by encasing himself in a block of solid _peanut-brittle_!” Blubs explained. “Smooth move, _Mr. President_.” He looked at them. “Finding Trembly's body was our special mission! And now, thanks to you, it's complete.” He tipped his hat a bit.

“If you kids weren't all so high-profile, we would've lost track o' you long ago!” Durland said cheerfully.

“Whoops.” Mabel winced. “Didn't think of that.”

“Well, we couldn't exactly pass it off to someone less high-profile.” Gideon shrugged.

“And now that you know the truth, well, we can't let you go around talking about it.” Blubs said, rubbing his hands together.

“What's that mean?!” Pacifica asked.

“Are you gonna kill us?!” Mabel asked.

“OH NO!” Dipper and Durland screamed in unison.

Blubs held his hands up. “Now, now, c-calm down, both of you. Everybody calm down.” He turned to his partner to reassure him, then turned back to the kids. “We're just gonna escort you and all this stuff back to Washington.” He walked past them, then paused and pointed at them. “You ain't comin' back, probably.”

“What?! Who do you think you are?! I'll have you run out of town, you--” Pacifica was cut off by Gideon holding up a hand.

“We'll go along with you.” Gideon told them.

“What?” Pacifica hissed. “Gideon...”

Gideon looked at Mabel and Dipper, who were looking worried. “It's alright. We'll be alright, don't worry.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes it's better to just go along with things.
> 
> ((A.N.: Since we didn't have Mabel being publicly mocked for being silly, I chose not to have her make constant reference to it and littering is bad, children, don't do it!
> 
> Also, Gideon is an actual mage and not a supernatural-enthusiast dork so he would know better than to burn something like Dipper was planning to do in the canon. Dork.))


	28. Escape the Train!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After being captured by Blubs and Durland, the group is off to Washington, D.C.!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“So, what's the plan?” Pacifica asked, once they were put in a huge crate with everything else to be loaded onto a train. “Ugh, they couldn't even let us be in the train-car with them...” She sat down. “My whole life is falling apart.”

“Once my powers have time to recover, we can get out.” Gideon told her. “I used them earlier and need to recharge for a few hours, remember?”

Pacifica sighed. “Yeah, yeah...”

“Why can't Bill help?” Dipper asked.

“Bill? Who is Bill?” Pacifica looked at him.

“I could, but I'd have to take over your body for a bit.” Bill replied.

“That's fine. You know I'm okay with it.” Dipper told him.

“Why is he talking to air? Am I in a crate with ALL the crazy people?!” Pacifica held her head. “I'm losing my mind! That's it! This is all a dream! A nightmare! A--”

“PACIFICA!” Gideon walked over and slapped her cheek. “This is NOT a dream, this is reality and you're NOT going crazy! And neither is he, he's just talking to an invisible demon. You'll be able to see him soon.”

Pacifica held her cheek and cleared her throat. “Forgive me, Gideon, I was...irrational.”

“This _whole thing_ is irrational.” Bill commented. “Honestly, I _told_ the kid not to do it. He never listens when it matters and that's how he ends up in these situations.” He looked at the encased man. “I'm not wasting magical energy on carrying this out, so we gotta get Peanut Brittle out of his case.”

“Uh, why are you talking like that? And what's wrong with your eyes?” Pacifica asked.

“Oh, right. Name's Bill Cipher! I'm partnered with this kid and help him out when there's trouble. Like now.” Bill held out a hand with a grin.

“And what happened to Dipper?” Pacifica asked, eyeing his hand warily.

Bill suddenly turned to the wall. “You guys get Peanut Brittle out. I'm going to open the crate.” He touched the wall of the crate and focused his energy on the wood.

“How are we going to get him out?” Pacifica asked.

“It's peanut brittle.” Mabel started to rip off pieces of it, sticking a few in her mouth. “Hey, it's still good!”

“Ew, no thanks.” Pacifica looked at the case, which was falling apart. “Uh oh!”

The peanut brittle fell to the ground and the man spoke. “It is I! Quentin Trembly!” He ripped off his pants to reveal bloomers beneath.

“SO didn't need to see that.” Pacifica covered her eyes. “There's indeceny laws, you know!”

“You actually survived all these years...” Gideon breathed.

“Peanut brittle really DOES have life-sustaining properties!” Mabel said in awe. “You're not silly! You're BRILLIANT!”

“And so are you, dear girl, for following my clues and freeing me from my delicious tomb!” Quentin said excitedly.

“Someone, PLEASE cover him up.” Pacifica turned to the wall. “And what are you doing?”

“Removing the boards just enough for us to get out. Wanna help?” Bill asked. “Just kidding, you don't have the power to do this.” The boards he was touching started to flicker in and out of existence and then they were gone. He then started on two more. “Just a little more...”

“...I want answers later.” Pacifica said, pointing at him.

“Whatever you say, princess.” Bill replied, focusing on his work.

The other boards disappeared and he stepped out. “Look at that, I made a door. Now let's get the fuheck—heck, I said heck, Shooting Star—out of here.”

“You were thiiiis close to a swat.” Mabel said as she stepped out after him.

“The door's locked, though.” Bill said, tugging on it.

“Good thing I have the President's Key, which can open any lock in America!” Quentin walked over and put the key against the door. “Hm...I don't see a keyhole...”

“That's because it's all electronic.” Gideon said, pointing to the keypad. “Any idea, Bill?”

“I could crack it, just let me at it for a bit. Or we could smash the window, the wall, or the ceiling.” Bill pointed out, holding up a hand and blasting a hole in the roof of the train.

“Bill!” Mabel groaned.

“By Jefferson!” Quentin gaped at the hole.

“Let's get out of here before we leave the—ungh—Falls.” Bill held his head. “Nngh...guh...”

“Bill?” Mabel looked worried.

“Aaauuuugh!” Bill cried out in pain, throwing his head back, and then Dipper's eyes returned to normal.

“Dipper?” Mabel asked.

“Bill's gone! I mean, he's still with me, but he's hurting! Something happened!” Dipper cried. “We have to get off the train!”

“Well, Bill's opened a door for us. Let's get out of this place!” Gideon focused on the stones and floated them all up and through the hole one-by-one.

“Hey, what are y'all doing?!” Blubs cried, coming into the room. “And what happened to the crate?!”

“Run!” Dipper ran towards the back of the train. Blubs ran off to find Durland and they came out after them at another part of the train.

“There is...no...escape!” Blubs said, then dropped to one knee is exhaustion. “I gotta take a knee.”

“Are you okay, can I get you anything?” Durland asked.

“Edwin, darlin', you are a diamond in the rough.” Blubs said, looking at him lovingly. 

“Sherrif Blubs, do you really want to lock us all up in a government facility somewhere?!” Pacifica asked.

“I've got no choice! Our orders come from the very top!” Blubs replied firmly.

“Wait.” Gideon turned to Quentin. “Quentin, did you ever sign an official resignation?”

“No, sir! I ate a salamander and jumped out the window!” Quentin replied.

“Then, technically, you're still _legally_ the President of the United States, right?” Gideon asked, then turned to the duo. “You have to listen to his orders!”

“Huh?” Blubs and Durland looked at each other.

“As President of the _several_ United States, I hereby order you to pretend NONE of this ever happened!” Quentin said. “A-And to go on a delightful vacation!” He cried out in pain as an overhead sign hit him. “Yes!”

“Vacation?” Blubs looks at Durland. “What place have you always wanted to visit? 1, 2...” Then they spoke in unison. “Silly Water Fun-Slides at Grand Lakes, Michigan!” They then laughed excitedly.

**–**

“Bye-bye, everyone! Bye-bye!” Blubs and Durland said as their train took off again, leaving the others back in the limits of Gravity Falls.

“Maybe someone should teach Bill about emergency exits.” Gideon commented. “Where is he, anyway?”

“Bill!” Dipper ran over to a yellow object on the ground. “Bill, please be okay!”

“Nngh...” Bill groaned and looked up at him. “Kid...”

“Oh, you're a Dorito again...” Dipper frowned in worry.

“Don't worry, I can change back.” Bill said, changing as he did. “See? Now I'm not a Dorito.”

“What happened? Is your small, glowing friend okay?” Quentin asked, walking over to them.

“Is THAT _Bill_?” Pacifica asked.

“I'm fine, I'm fine, don't crowd me! Cosmos explode, you guys are insufferable.” Bill floated into the air. “See? Just fine.”

“What happened?” Dipper asked.

“Once we hit the limits of Gravity Falls, I was thrown back into it.” Bill frowned. “I can't leave the boundaries of Gravity Falls.”

“Is that bad?” Quentin asked.

“Just inconvenient. Anyways, shouldn't you be going?” Bill looked up at him.

“Of course.” Quentin knelt next to Mabel and put his hand on her shoulder. “You've done a great service to your country, Mabel. As thanks, I'd like to make you an official US Congressman!” He pulled out a pop-up top-hat and put it on her head.

Mabel gasped excitedly. “I'm legalizing everything!”

“Please don't. You don't know the chaos that would cause.” Gideon said quietly.

“Oh, okay.” Mabel nodded.

“And as for you, dear boys, you are well on your way to unlocking the mysteries of this great land! So, I'd like you to have my President's Key!” He handed it to Gideon, who passed it to Dipper.

“Thanks!” Dipper looked at the key. “It looks cool!”

“Let's get back to the city.” Pacifica said, looking at the sky nervously. “I have a curfew.”

“Oh, right. Let's head back.” Mabel nodded.

**–**

“And then he chased me around and spanked me with a paddle for, like, three hours. Bottom-line, George Washington was a jerk.” Quentin was saying as they got into town.

“I'm sure he saw you as a child that needed to be punished.” Pacifica said honestly.

“Aw, Pacifica.” Mabel playfully punched her arm and laughed.

Pacifica gave a forced smile and rubbed her arm, shooting Gideon a dirty look.

“Well, this is the city. And there's our uncle, wait until we tell him everything that happened!” Mabel pointed to Stan.

“I think we should wait on that, he's having a moment.” Gideon told her.

“Oh, right. Of course. After his date.” Mabel nodded.

“Children, I am needed elsewhere.” Quentin knelt next to Dipper and placed his hand on his shoulder. “Just know that I will always be right here!” He poked Dipper's chest and then opened his hand. “On the negative-12 dollar bill!”

“Whoa!” Dipper took it.

“This is worthless!” Bill said, sitting on Dipper's shoulder.

“It's _less_ than worthless, my glowing friend! Trembly away!” He then somersaulted backwards onto a horse, which he rode backwards out of the city.

“...Whose horse did he just steal?” Pacifica asked.

“Wasn't that his?” Mabel asked.

“We never freed any horse.” Gideon reminded her.

“Oh.” Mabel shrugged. “Where do you think he's going?”

“I'm gonna say...off a cliff.” Bill nodded firmly.

“I better go.” Pacifica said, looking at them. “This was...weird, but also kind of fun. Thanks for saving me from a boring day of taking pictures with my parents and strutting around town acting important.”

“See you later, Pacifica!” Dipper waved as she headed off towards where her parents were standing.

**–**

“And then Soos came up and talked to us about his Abulita's baking recipes, which Susan was eager to learn. They set up a day of baking together, invited me to come and 'taste test', hehe!” Stan said as they walked back to the car after changing clothes. “So, what's with the top-hat?”

“I'm a congressman!” Mabel said, gesturing to it.

“Pardon me?” Stan raised an eyebrow.

“You are officially pardoned!” Mabel dramatically gestured to him and then she and Dipper laughed.

“Mabel.” Gideon walked up to them. “May we talk for a bit? You and Dipper and I?”

“Sure!” Mabel nodded.

“I'll warm up the car.” Stan walked over to the car ahead of them.

Gideon waited until he was gone and then reached into his bag, pulling out another Journal, this one with 2 on it. “A while back, you asked if I had one...well, seeing Bill's other form made me think of it...” He opened the book to a certain page. “I didn't make the connection until I saw that form. This page doesn't have his name, you see.”

“The summoning spell.” Dipper gasped. “Bill needs it!”

“Well, we could use it later. Maybe tomorrow?” Gideon suggested.

“Sure!” Dipper smiled.

“Bill can finally make his temporary physical form!” Dipper said excitedly.

“We need the others' help for that, but I can access more of my powers without getting super exhausted, at least. And I can go a further distance from you than right now.” Bill explained.

“Alright. Tomorrow, we'll do the summoning.” Bill closed the book. “It's a date.”

“Will there be dinner?” Mabel asked.

“Sure, at my house.” Gideon shrugged. “I'll let mother know we'll have guests for dinner.”

“Great!” Mabel nodded. “See you tomorrow, then! And, hey, thanks for your help today.”

He nodded. “See you tomorrow.”

Mabel leaned in and kissed his cheek. Gideon's cheeks went pink and Dipper made a face.

“Eeeewwww, PDA!” Dipper held out a hand to cover his view of it.

Mabel giggled. “Let's go home, Dipper.”

“Yeah.” Dipper nodded, heading to the car.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that was a close one! Let's see what The Future will hold for them next!


	29. Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During a fair held by Stan, Bill sees a visitor from another time and panics, saying they have to take his weapon. It turns out to be a time-traveling device and Dipper, Bill, Mabel, and her new pig Waddles go on a time-traveling adventure!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Make sure to be back before midnight.” Stan told them. “I'll be waiting up for you!”

“Bye, Grunkle Stan!” Mabel waved as she and Dipper got into Bud's car.

“I'm so excited!” Dipper was hopping in his seat. “Gideon said he's getting everything ready, and that's why he couldn't come with to pick us up!”

“You kids sound like you've got some excitin' plans.” Bud said as he started out onto the road for his home.

“Mm-hm!” Dipper nodded.

“Well, don't have too much fun.” Bud chuckled. “I know that Gideon really gets into his magic.”

They arrived at the house and Bud let them in and led the way to Gideon's room. When they stepped in, he closed the door behind them.

“Hey, Gideon.” Mabel smiled, looking at where he was kneeling next to a candle.

“You're here.” He finished lighting the candle and showed them the page. “I'm going to do the chanting, since I have experience with this.”

“What do I do?” Dipper asked.

“You'll stand in the circle with Bill. Since he's bound to you, we need you in the circle with him.” Gideon pointed to the chalk drawing on the wood paneling.

“Don't you have a rug?” Mabel asked.

“I still do, this paneling is able to be moved around.” Gideon told her. “It's hard to draw magic circles on shag carpet.”  
  
“Oh!” Mabel nodded. “So...what do we have to do?”

“Well, it'd probably be best to sit back.” Gideon stood in front of the circle. “ _Triangulum, entangulum. Vene foris dominus mentium. Vene foris videntis omnium!_ ”

Dipper yelped as the circle started to glow beneath him. “Whoa!”

“ _Egassem sdrawkcab. egassem sdrawkcab. Egassem sdrawkcab! Egassem sdrawkcab! Egassem sdrawkcab!_ ” Gideon clenched his eyes shut, and Mabel noticed the world around them turning black and white.

Bill rose up from Dipper's shoulder and spun in a circle. “AaaaaaaaaaHA!” He threw his arms up in the air. “Oh, oh, Gravity Falls! It is SO good to have my powers BACK!”

“It worked?” Dipper looked up at him.

“Hell yeah, it worked!” Bill grinned. “Don't worry, though, I'm not going anywhere!” He floated down next to him and mussed his hair. “You're not getting rid of me that easy, kid!”

Dipper grinned.

“Why is the world black and white?” Mabel asked.

“Oh, let me fix that! We're in the Mindscape, let me take us out.” Bill snapped his fingers and the world returned to normal. “Normally I would stay in the Mindscape, but thanks to my bond with Pine Tree, I can be here in the physical world! Whoo!”

“Whoo!” Mabel cheered. “So, anyone can see you now?”

“Noooot quite. We still need to get the other kids and get me my temporary physical form. Right now, only those that have interacted with me through Pine Tree can see me.” Bill explained. “But, hey, it's a start!”

“Yay!” Dipper danced around in a circle.

“You can get out of the circle now.” Gideon told him.

“Oh, okay.” Dipper moved out of the circle and Bill followed him.

Bill stretched out his arms and legs. “You have NO idea how good this feels! Well, maybe YOU do, Gideon. I mean, when you put on that amulet for the first time and could fully control your powers must've felt the same way. Anyways, now I need to make sure I'm not rusty! It's been years, after all! Hold on, let me take a peek into a hundred years into the future!”

“Why don't you just take a peek into what's for dinner, to start off slow?” Gideon suggested.

“Oh, yeah, good idea.” Bill nodded, then closed his eye, putting his hands together in a triangle shape. “MM....I see...pot-roast...green beans...and apple juice with mashed potatoes and gravy!”

“What kind of gravy?” Gideon asked.

“Something brown...beef, I think. It's too dark for chicken.” Bill opened his eyes. “Did I get it right?”

“Let's find out.” Gideon smiled and walked out of the room.

Dipper walked over and climbed onto Gideon's bed. “Ohh, cushy!”

“Dipper, you can't just climb onto people's beds.” Mabel laughed, walking over to climb on with him. “Oh, it is.”

“Shooting Star, you shouldn't scold him while doing the same thing.” Bill wagged his finger at her.

Gideon came back in and gave a thumbs-up. “You were right. Looks like your Sight is working fine.”

“Awesome.” Bill nodded.

“Let's start cleaning up so we don't have to do it later...?” Gideon looked at the other two. “Why are you on my bed, Mabel?”

“She's giving it a test-drive.” Bill smirked.

Mabel blushed a bit. “Well, Dipper climbed on, said it was cushy, so I wanted to see how cushy it was and stop smirking like that, Bill!”

“'Test-drive'?” Dipper and Gideon asked in unison.

“Shooting Star gets it, and that's what matters.” Bill hummed. “You two will learn as you reach her age, I expect.”

Mabel hopped off the bed and went to the boards. “Let's start cleaning up!” She said in a huffy tone.

“Why are you upset?” Gideon asked.

“Because Bill is a creep.” She shot the demon a sharp look.

“Ohhhh, if looks could kill.” Bill stuck out his tongue at her.

“I don't get it.” Dipper shrugged.

Gideon just shrugged back at him and knelt down to start putting out the candles and cleaning up the chalk. “Well, she is a couple years older than me.”

“Three.” Bill corrected. “She's turning thirteen, you're turning ten.”

“Okay, _three_ years older than me.” Gideon rolled his eyes.

“Wise-cracker.” Mabel nudged Bill and then started to help gather up the candles.

Dipper climbed down and went to help out. “When can we do the other spell?”

“Let's actually get the other girls to meet Bill, first?” Mabel suggested.

“Pacifica knows him.” Dipper pointed out.

“But, not Candy and Grenda.” Mabel reminded him.

“Oh, yeah.” Dipper nodded.

“Well, maybe we can show him to them somehow?” Mabel suggested.

“Or just surprise them with asking if they want to summon a demon!” Dipper said excitedly.

“Uh, we're not summoning.” Bill told him. “We already did the summoning.”

“Oh.” Dipper pouted. “Not even a little bit?”

“No.” Gideon chuckled.

“Can we summon anything?” Dipper asked.

“The undead?” Gideon shrugged. “But I haven't found a way to undo the spell, so I haven't tried it.”

“Can I see the book?” Mabel asked.

Gideon set the candles on a shelf and then picked up the 2nd Journal. “Alright, but don't go using any of the magic in it without me.” He handed it over to her.

“Kids? Dinner's ready!” Bud called.

“Oh, we'll have to look at it later.” Mabel handed it back. “Let's go eat!”

**–**

“This....can't be safe.” Bill commented as Dipper and Mabel walked up to where Stan was setting up fair rides.

“Where did you get these, the junkyard?” Mabel asked.

“No, I bought them really cheap off a carnival that was going out of business. Soos is fixing them up for me. Now, here.” He handed her a clipboard. “Go around to all the rides and stick these papers on them to prove we're authorized and stuff.”

“Grunkle Stan, is this legal?” Mabel asked.

“When there's no cops around, everything's legal!” Stan said, walking off.

Dipper looked up at the rickety ride. “We DID send the cops on vacation...”

“...Damn small towns need a bigger police force.” Bill slapped his hand to his face.

Mabel sighed. “Well, better do as he says.”

“Can I ride it?” Dipper asked.

“No, kid.” Bill shook his head.

“Mabel, can I ride it? It looks fun.” Dipper pointed to the rickety machine.

“Dipper, I feel nervous with you just standing next to it. Let's just get these done and over with and then we can go check out the rest of the fair, okay?” Mabel took his hand and led him away from it.

“Aww.” Dipper looked over his shoulder at it.

Mabel went around to all of the rides and put the papers on and then led Dipper out to where the other SAFER rides were. “Okay, pick any one of these.”

“Okay! Ohhh, question-mark corndogs!” Dipper ran over, distracted.

Bill laughed, remaining by Mabel. “Ah, this kid.”

“Mabel, can I have one?” Dipper called.

“I'm coming!” Mabel walked over to him. Bill hung back, looking around, then gasped and flew into Dipper's bag, watching the crowd warily.

“What's the matter?” Dipper asked.

“...Nothing. I just...didn't wanna lose you. Yeah.” Bill gripped the bag tightly. “What is THAT guy doing here?” He muttered.

“See someone you know?” Mabel asked.

“Not... _know_ , persay...but he might know _me_...” Bill frowned.  
  
“Well, I don't see anyone suspi—OH MY GOSH, A PIG!” Mabel suddenly pulled Dipper along with her to a man standing in a pigpen.

“Iffin you can guess the critter's weight, you can take the critter home!” The man said as they approached.

Mabel released Dipper's hand and leaned in to look at the pigs, her eyes locking with one in particular.

“Oinkel.” The pig said.

Mabel gasped. “He said 'Mabel'!” She looked thoughtful. “Either that or 'doorbell'.” She leaned forward again. “Did you say 'Mabel' or 'doorbell'?”

“Oinkel.” The pig replied with a smile.

Mabel's eyes lit up and she got all excited before turning to the man. “Sir, I want to have that pig!”

The man looked over. “Huh? Oh, ol' fifteen-poundy!” He looked back at her. “So, how much are you guessin' he weighs?”

“Uh, fifteen pounds?” Mabel said, raising an eyebrow at the simplicity of it.

“Are you some kind of witch?” The man asked, before shrugging and giving the pig to her. “Well, here's your pig.”

Mabel took the pig and smiled happily, gazing into its eyes before spinning with it happily.

“What's going on here?” Pacifica asked, walking up as the people around clapped for Mabel.

“Mabel just got a pig.” Dipper told her.

“A pig? Why am I not even remotely surprised.” Pacifica sighed. “Well, why not? You've already got a goat, may as well get a pig and cow while you're at it.” She walked off with her friends.

“And you'll be needin' these.” The man offered Mabel a knife and fork. Mabel shot him a death glare and walked off with the pig. “No? Suit yourself.”

“Okay, so you have a pig now. Where are you putting it?” Bill asked.

“My bed, duh.” Mabel rolled her eyes.

“I don't think those things are house-trained...” Bill faltered, looking to the side.

“What's up?” Dipper asked.

“Well...” Bill looked unsure. “Okay, kids, there's something you should know. See that guy over there? The bald one in the gray suit.”

“What about him?” Mabel asked.

“He's a Time Cop from the future. I don't know what he's doing here, but it can't be good. We need to get his weapon from him before he attacks anyone.” Bill explained.

“Weapon?” Dipper asked.

“The thing on his belt.” Bill pointed to it.

“How are we going to get it from him?” Mabel asked.

“I dunno, but if _I_ try anything he might see me.” Bill admitted. “I have a bit of....reputation, where I come from.”

“You mean you're a criminal?” Mabel asked.

“Soooomething like that. Anyways, it's just bad for him to see me!” Bill nodded firmly.

“If he's from the future, how would he know you?” Dipper asked.

“Time Baby never takes down Wanted posters.” Bill muttered.

“Who?” Dipper asked.

“I'll explain later. We need to take his weapon before he hurts someone.” Bill insisted.

“Okay.” Dipper nodded, then looked around before going over to Stan. “Grunkle Stan, can you teach me to pickpocket?”

Stan's eyes lit up. “You wanna learn that? Why?” He asked.

“In case I need to steal a weapon from a bad man?” Dipper shrugged.

Stan looked around. “What bad man?”

“That bald man over there, I heard he's dangerous.” Dipper pointed to the Time Cop, who Mabel was watching closely while holding her pig.

“Hm...Well, I'll teach ya, but maybe now isn't the best time for you to use it. Here, let me do it for you, but then I gotta go to the dunk tank.” Stan patted him on the head and then made his way through the crowd.

The Time Cop never knew what hit him. Or rather, what removed his item from his belt. Stan discreetly passed it to Mabel as he made his way over to the dunk tank and Mabel went to join Dipper.

“Okay...what is it?” Mabel asked.

“Looks like a tape-measure. As you sure he's a Time Cop?” Dipper asked, pulling out the tape a bit. “Ohhh, shiny numbers.”

“Uh, kid, don't play with that.” Bill said, then gasped and ducked down.

“My Time Tape-Measure!” The Time Cop had come up to them. “I thought I lost it! Can you kids hand it over, please?”

“Uhh...” Dipper released the tape.

“No, no, don't do that!” The cop cried as they were all engulfed in a bright light.

“...Well, shit.” Bill mumbled as they found themselves in a strange area.

“Where are we?” Dipper asked.

“Oink?” The pig tilted its head in confusion.

“Okay, mister, talk! What just happened?!” Mabel demanded, looking at the man. “And who are you?!”

“If you kids had just handed it back, then we wouldn't be when we are now!” The man grabbed at the tape-measure, but Dipper hid it behind his book. “Aw, c'mon!”

“Who are you?” Mabel asked.

The man sighed. “I'm Blendin Blenjamin Blandin from the year 207̃012.” He explained. “I came here from the future to find out what caused a series of time anomalies. And now I've accidentally taken you two through time! Ohh, if they find out...let's just get you home! Give me my tape-measure!” He held out a hand to Dipper firmly.

“Uhm...no.” Dipper grabbed Mabel's hand and ran off.

“What?!” Blendin cried. “Why not?!”

“It's a time-machine! We can see sooooo much cool stuff!” Dipper said, pulling Mabel along behind him.

“Come back with my time-machine!” Blendin yelled.

“Uh, kid, maybe we should give it back to--”

“I wanna explore time!” Dipper insisted. “I can see the Tower of Babel! The Roman Empire!”

“Pine Tree!” Bill snapped. “Give the guy back his tool! It's not a weapon like I thought!”

“No!” Dipper shook his head.

“Dipper, stop doing this!” Mabel said.

Dipper pulled the tape out and let it go. Blendin barely managed to catch up to get caught in it.

“Kid, you can't go see the Tower of Babel and the Roman Empire because you can only go to different points of time in the same location!” Bill explained in an exasperated tone. “Now, give the tape back!”

“No!” Dipper shook his head. “I'm gonna explore! I'll never get another time-machine!”

“Pine Tree, don't make me use my powers on you.” Bill pleaded.

“Bill, no.” Mabel shook her head. “If you use your powers, HE'LL see.” She nodded in the direction of the man.

Dipper pulled the tape and they found themselves falling into thin air. Dipper yelped and pulled it again, this time appearing in a wagon.

“Oh, look! We have more children!” The wagon driver said.

“And a pig!” A woman said cheerfully.

“My pig.” Mabel held the pig close. “Uh, when are we, Dipper?”

“I...don't know.” Dipper admitted.

Bill groaned and grabbed the tape-measure, pulling it out. “Let's get out of here!”

They vanished from the wagon and ended up in the snow, next to what looked like the Mystery Shack, only without all the Mystery stuff on it.

“Brr...it's cold.” Dipper shivered.

“Shit, got the wrong year.” Bill looked at the tape-measure. “This thing is wearing down.”

“Give it to me!” Blendin ran over.

“No!” Dipper held it out of reach.

“Pine Tree!” Bill yelled.

“Dipper, let it go!” Mabel tried to take it from him.

They froze when the lights came on in the building and then a man looked out, looking confused. “Oh, was it you all making that noise? Could you quiet down? My assistant is trying to sleep, and I'm trying to focus on something.”

“Uh...sure.” Mabel nodded.

The man closed the door behind him. “Who was that?” Mabel asked.

“No one. It was no one, let's get back home.” Bill told her quietly.

The door opened again. “...Why are you wearing shorts and mini-skirts in winter? Aren't you cold?” The man asked.

“Uh, uhm...it's all we have?” Mabel shrugged.

“No, no, no!” Blendin and Bill said in unison.

The man looked concerned. “You should come inside and warm up, while I check the phone book for your address.”

“No, we'll be okay.” Blendin told him.

“Are you their guardian?” The man asked, coming out and pulling on a coat.

“Uh, no, I just met these kids today.” Blendin told him.

“Then where are their parents? What was all the ruckus about?” The man's eyes widened. “Are you a kidnapper?!”

“No, no!” Blendin shook his head. “They took something of mine, I'm just trying to get it--”

“It's sparking.” Dipper said, looking at the tape-measure.

“WHAT?!” Mabel, Bill, and Blandin cried in unison.

The man walked over to them. “Oh, geez, that looks bad. Hey, I'm an inventor, maybe I can help!”

Mabel sighed. “Well...a warm fire _does_ sound nice.”

“This is bad...” Bill mumbled, curling up in Dipper's bag.

“Come on in, I'll make you all some hot cocoa.” The man headed for the building.

“Thanks!” Dipper followed him in.

“This is bad, very bad.” Blendin said nervously. Bill was thinking the same thing.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get the kids out of the snow!


	30. Genius

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the inventor falls asleep at his desk, Dipper gets to meet the Bill Cipher of 30 years ago!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Here you are. Are those blankets warm enough?” The man asked, handing them mugs of hot cocoa. The one Dipper got said “World's Best Genius” on it, and looked home-made.

“Mmhm. Thank you.” Mabel nodded.

“Can you really fix it? I'm going to be in serious trouble if you can't!” Blendin said nervously.

“Calm down, calm down.” The man waved his hand dismissively. “There's NOTHING I can't do!” He took the tape-measure and went to another room.

“Dipper, when we get home you're grounded.” Mabel told him.

“Aww.” Dipper pouted.

The pig snuggled up happily to Mabel and she smiled, hugging it. “I'm gonna call you Waddles.” She said affectionately.

“Do we have visitors?” A sleepy voice said as a man stepped into the room, wearing flannel pajamas with banjos on them. “Oh, hello, y'all. Are you friends of Stanford's?”

“Stanford?” Dipper asked.

“We just needed a place to stay for the night. Our tool is broken, and we can't get home.” Mabel explained.

“Tool?” The man walked over to tend the fire, holding a shawl around his shoulders with one hand. “Where did y'all come from?” He asked.

“The future!” Dipper said, before he could be hushed.

The man blinked at him sleepily before going into the other room for a bit. Then he came back out, yawned, and shook his head. “I'm too tired for this. Y'all have good luck with him and  _bless his heart_ for takin' on this task on top of all the others he already has.” He walked back to what was most likely bed.

“I don't think he likes us.” Dipper commented.

“He's just tired.” Mabel assured him.

“I'm gonna go check on Mr. Stanford!” He hopped off the couch and went into the other room.

Bill poked his head out. “Kid, hold on. Maybe you should let him focus on his work.” He whispered.

“Why are you whispering?” Dipper whispered back. “He can't hear you.”

Bill sighed. “I'm just...being careful.”

Stanford was leaning over his desk, hard at work on the device. He didn't even seem to notice Dipper was there, much less that he was whispering to himself.

“Hi!” Dipper said. The man jolted in shock and looked over at him. “Can I watch?”

“Uhm...sure? I don't have another chair...” Stanford looked around.

“The other guy said your name was Stanford.” Dipper said, walking over and peeking over the edge.

“Mm? Oh, you mean Fiddleford.” The man shrugged. “He's not very happy with me, says I need to get to sleep and not take on new workloads.” He rubbed at his eyes under his glasses. “I'm just not ready to sleep. When I sleep, I sleep too long. I just get so into my dreams.”

“My uncle is named Stanford.” Dipper said, getting up on his tip-toes.

“Is he? That's nice.” Stanford was clearly trying to focus on the device.

“Can I help?” Dipper asked.

“You can help by not distracting me. I should have this finished for you by tomorrow, why don't you go get some sleep?” Stanford looked at him, then sighed a bit before rubbing at his eyes again.

“You have six fingers.” Dipper commented.

He stopped his rubbing and looked at them. “Yyyyyyyes, I do...”

“That's cool!” Dipper smiled. “I wish I had more body stuff!”

“MM, yes. Well, not everyone agrees with you.” Stanford focused on his work again. “Please, go play.” He rubbed at his eyes again.

“You look tired.” Dipper frowned.

“Please, go.” The man repeated.

“Okay.” Dipper walked over to the door. “I'll make you some cocoa!”

“That would be nice.” He said distractedly.

Dipper went out and went to the pitcher of cocoa Stanford had made earlier. Mabel had fallen asleep next to Blendin and Waddles was of top of her, so it was up to him. He took an empty mug and filled it with cocoa, then went into the room again. “Here you go, mister!”

Stanford was slumped over the desk, the tool still in his hand and his head drooping against his hand. Dipper walked over and set the mug next to him. “Mister Stanford?” He shook his arm a bit.

At first, there was no response. Then his body moved a bit jerkily and he sat up, blinking one eye and then the other, before looking at Dipper. “Oh, heeeey, kiddo! Ol' Sixer's gone to bed, but don't worry, I'll fix your little tool. Hey, is that for me? Thanks!” He picked up the mug of hot cocoa and chugged it down.

Dipper looked confused. He  _knew_ those eyes, he'd seen them in the mirror lots of times. “Uhm...”

“Kid, I can't focus on your time-machine if you're being noisy.” Stanford replied, moving his body in the jerky way again as he looked back at his work. It was almost like looking at an animatronic.

“But...do I...know you?” Dipper asked.

“Maybe you do, maybe you don't, maybe we're destined to meet sometime in the future or maybe we'll never meet. Who knows?” The man gave him a too-wide grin before focusing on his work again.

There was no doubt about it. Dipper  _knew_ him. Which means that the human he was looking at was The Author, because this must be Bill Cipher from...before he was sealed. It's no wonder Bill was so against going into this place. Could he sense...himself?

“Kid, seriously, I don't work well with an audience. Shoo.” The man looked at him. “What, did everyone else go to sleep and you're bored?”

“Uhm...yes.” Dipper nodded.

The man sighed and grabbed a pencil and a piece of blank paper. “Here, draw something.” He handed them over. “I'm trying to work on this.”

“Thank you.” Dipper sat down against his chair and started to scribble, using the floor as a backing.

“Ah! Fuck, that hurt!” The man said, shaking his hand. “What did they use in this thing, klevitchnotic cells? Ugh, might have to wake up the time-cop to work on this properly.” He grumbled. “Hey, kid, ask the time-guy what cells they used to make this thing.”

“Uhm, okay.” Dipper got up and left the room. Once out, he paused to whisper to his backpack. “Bill? You still in there?”

“Yes, Pine Tree.” Bill said quietly.

“Are you mad?” Dipper asked.

Bill sighed. “I just...didn't want you to see this.”

“Kid! The cells?” The other Bill asked.

“Oh, right!” Dipper walked over and shook Blendin. “Uhm...Mister Time-Cop? What cells are in the machine?”

“There's a time care-kit in my time tool-belt...” Blendin pulled it out and handed it over. “Oh, I'm so time-tired...” He drifted back to sleep.

“Thank you.” Dipper went back into the other room. “Here, he said it's a care-kit!”

“What? He had this whole time and I've been trying to use primitive tools?!” The man took it and opened it up. “Okay, good. A sonic screwdriver, a manual, ohh, gonna need this thing for sure. Okay, you can go back to your drawing. Good work.” He patted him on the head and returned to work.

He sat back down to draw, listening to the other Bill mutter to himself as he worked. “I wonder if I could sneak this tool, it'd really come in handy...he's got a couple, he might not even notice one's missing. Might get the job done sooner.”

“I finished my picture, do you want to see it?” Dipper asked, looking over.

“Hm? Don't you have a sister to show it to?” The man asked.

“She's asleep.” Dipper reminded him.

“So, wake her up.” The man sighed and looked over. “Mmhm. Looks cute. Who's the old guy?”

“My uncle.” Dipper smiled. “Stanford Pines!”

“....Uh, no, that's not...whatever.” He looked back at his work.

“Can I have more paper?” Dipper asked.

The man grunted and handed over a stack of blank papers. “Here. Now be  _quiet_ .”

Dipper frowned. “There's no need to be so grumpy.”

“Look, kid, do you want to be stranded here?” The man turned to him again. “One wrong move, and this thing would break beyond repair! You'd have to wait for the Time Anomaly Cleanup Crew to show up and take you back to your own time, and honestly I'm annoyed enough you've got _one_ of those losers on my doorstep!” He stood up and walked over, picking Dipper and his papers up. “Now, let me finish in peace and quiet so I can get you kids out of here and get back to what I actually _want_ to work on!” He set him outside the room, handed him his papers and pencil and shut the door behind him.

“ _Gosh,_ you were grumpy.” Dipper commented to Bill as he went to sit down.

**–**

“So...how much longer is this going to take?” Mabel asked.

Dipper shrugged. “I dunno, he kicks me out when I try to ask.”

“Sounds like Bill.” Mabel giggled a bit. Waddles oinked in affirmation.

The door opened and the man stepped out. “Okay, boys and girls, I've got good news and bad news.”

“Bad news?” Blendin asked, concerned.

“The good news is, I got it somewhat working. The bad news is, the klevitchnotic cells are completely fried, so it can only do one more trip. I suggest you take it to the future and have the Time Anomaly Clean-Up Crew take you home.” He handed the machine to Blendin. “With a machine that actually works. Sorry, time-copper, your machine is dead.”

“Ohhh, time-darnit...” Blendin sighed, looking at the machine. “I'm time-doomed.”

“Eh, you'll get over it. Anyways, you'd better get out of here, before Fiddlesticks wakes up.” He nodded towards where the other man had gone. “C'mon, I'll walk you to the door.” He walked over to the door and opened it before closing it quickly. “...Oh, great. What else have you kids been up to to get them coming for you?”

“You mean the Time-Cops are out there?” Dipper asked.

“This is soooo annoying.” The man groaned and reached into his coat to put on sunglasses before opening it again. “May I help you gentlemen?”

“We're looking for a man and two children.” One of the men in gray suits said. “They would have a yellow tape-measure?”

“Ah, of course.” He looked back in. “Looks like your ride is here, why don't you go on home? And take your pictures with you.” He looked back at the men. “They'll be right out.”

“We'd like you and anyone else that has seen them to come out as well.” The time-cop said.

“Why?” He asked.

“Time Paradox, we can't risk you remembering anything you might've heard them talk about.” The cop said calmly. “You can peacefully comply or--”

“Oh, no, it's okay. We'll comply. Let me just get my assistant.” The younger Bill said, stepping back into the house. “Uh, children, why don't you keep them company while I get him?”

“Five minutes.” The cop said as Blendin led Mabel, Dipper and Waddles out.

“Five minutes.” He grinned and went back in. When he came back with Fiddleford, he was back to his old demeanor – the younger Bill had retreated into the Mindscape, after explaining the situation to Stanford.

“Let's get this over with.” The man pulled out a device.

Dipper got excited. “Are you gonna flashy-thingie us, like the Men in Black?!”

“...Yes, I suppose we can call it that.” The time-cop said. “We're just going to erase your memories of what happened in this time-period. And you're going to forget you ever met these kids.” He said, looking at Stanford and Fiddleford.

“We understand. Paradoxes can cause serious complications to the universe as a whole.” Stanford said, nodding.

“Thank you for being so compliant.” The time-cop paused. “...I don't know if it works on pigs. Oh well, we'll find out. It'll knock you out, but we'll get you back to where you were when you went through time. And you, Blendin Blandin, are going to be punished for causing this whole thing by losing your time-machine.”

“Ohhhh, time-rats!” Blendin hung his head.

They pushed the button on the device and a wave came out of it. The affected party crumpled to the ground, all but Blendin. “Blendin, you will help us carry these men in and then we will return to the time the children came from.”

“Yes, sir.” Blendin said, going over to lift Fiddleford into his arms and carry him in, another time-cop going to collect Stanford and take him in.

Bill poked his head out of the bag while the time-cop wasn't looking. “...I wasn't affected.” He mused to himself before hiding in it again.

**–**

“...abel! Mabel, are you alright?!”

“Mm...?” Mabel opened her eyes to see Gideon kneeling over her in concern. “Gideon?”

“I heard you were found unconscious! What happened to you two?!” Gideon asked. “Stan is collecting witness statements, hoping to find out what happened!”

“I...uhm...I...don't know, actually.” Mabel sat up. “I don't...remember.” She looked at Dipper's bag. “Bill?”

Bill poked his head out. “Yes, Shooting Star?”

“What happened?” She asked.

“You went through time, got into trouble, the time-cops saved you and wiped your memories so you wouldn't be traumatized by what you saw.” Bill said, then shook Dipper awake.

“Time-cops?” Gideon asked.

“Yep. Don't play with time-travel, kids.” Bill said, shrugging.

“Kids! You're awake!” Stan ran over and knelt next to them, pulling them into a tight hug. “What happened?! Did that bald guy do something?!”

“We accidentally went through time. He was a time-cop!” Mabel explained, then gasped and looked around. “Waddles!”

“Oinkel!” Waddles poked his head out from where he had been sitting on Pacifica's lap.

“Oh, good, you can take your pig now. I only watched it because I was worried someone would steal it and eat it.” Pacifica handed Waddles over to her.

Dipper blinked. “When did you name it?”

“I...I don't know.” Mabel admitted. “I just... _knew_ that was his name.”

“Let's get you out of the dirt.” Stan chuckled. “You kids go have fun, and be careful!”

“Okay!” Mabel took Dipper's hand. “Let's go play one of the games!”

Dipper nodded, then looked over curiously. “Huh. Wendy's dating her friend Robbie now?”

“What?” Mabel looked over to see Wendy and Robbie walking hand-in-hand. “Apparently they are! Cool!”

“Speaking of dates, why don't you go with Gideon, and I'll watch your little brother?” Pacifica suggested.

“Can you watch Waddles, too?” Mabel asked.

Pacifica sighed. “Okay, I'll watch the pig, too.”

Mabel smiled and released Dipper's hand, taking Gideon's instead and walking off with him.

“I thought you found her weird?” Bill commented.

“Come on, Dipper. Let's go see what that ride is!” Pacifica said, leading him away from Stan. “I _do_ find her weird,” She murmured to Bill. “But Gideon thinks it's true love and I care for him too much to get between them.”

“Aww.” Bill smiled.

“Don't patronize me, I will swat you.” Pacifica said with a huff.  
  
“Learning from the in-law already.” Bill chuckled.

Dipper giggled and took off his pack so he could get on the ride. “Let's go play!”

Bill flew out of the pack and onto Dipper's shoulder, hanging on as they got into the roller-coaster. He made a mental note to destroy some of the pictures Dipper drew before he could see them.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Younger Bill just wanted them to go away, but he had to be civil because of the time-cop.
> 
> ((A.N.: Before anyone asks, Dipper's not grounded when they get back because Mabel forgot and Bill wasn't gonna remind her.))


	31. Noise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robbie's dating Wendy now, and is being obnoxious about it!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Wendy! Wendy, Wendy, Wendy! Come out, girl!” The strums of an electric guitar accompanied the sing-song tone.

Dipper set down his fork and covered his ears. “What is that NOISE?!”

“Sounds like that annoying teenager attempting to serenade.” Stan rolled his eyes.

“Well, Wendy's not here!” Dipper said, glaring at the noise. “Mabeeeeel, make him stop!”

Mabel sighed and got up, heading over to the window. “Robbie, Wendy isn't here today.”

“She's not?” Robbie frowned.

“No, she's out of town with her family.” Mabel explained.

“I didn't hear anything about this.” Robbie huffed.

Dipper appeared at the window. “That's because when she was trying to tell you while we were at the arcade last week, you were trying to talk about yourself and your noisy music!”

“Hey, are you trying to start something?” Robbie lowered his guitar.

“Are YOU about to threaten a seven-year-old? I will pound you if you so much as swat him.” Mabel said, aggressively pulling up her sleeve to show a bit of muscle to her arm.

“Guh! Anyway, you stay out of what we have! You're just a kid, you don't understand!” Robbie picked up his stuff and left.

“That was annoying.” Mabel huffed.

“We got his horrible singing to stop, though.” Dipper returned to his pancakes.

“We did, yeah. That's a plus.” Mabel sat down at her own, then looked around before leaning in to whisper. “Hey, where's Bill?”

“He's upstairs napping. We're testing how far apart we can be.” Dipper whispered back.

“What're you kids whispering about?” Stan asked.

“Oh, uh, just something secret-y.” Dipper smiled.

“Hm.” Stan folded his paper and sighed. “Look...I've been waiting for you to come forward yourselves, but I'm guessing that's not gonna happen. What were you trying to tell me on Pioneer Day?”

“Huh?” Dipper blinked. “Oh! Right, you didn't hear me.” He shifted a bit in his seat. “Uhm...later, okay? Promise.”

Stan sighed. “Alright, then.” He finished his pancakes and got up, leaving the kitchen.

“Why didn't you tell him?” Mabel asked.

“I don't want to do it when Bill's not here.” Dipper shook his head.

“I guess that makes sense.” She nodded and gathered up the dirty dishes to clean them. Dipper headed up to wake Bill.

**–**

Bill was using his “naptime” to carefully take out any pictures Dipper had drawn of the men they'd met in the past and though he considered destroying them he decided to just stash him in the Mindscape. Who knows, maybe one day he'll remember what he was made to forget.

“Bill, you awake?” Dipper poked his head into the room. “Soos wanted to go to the arcade after breakfast.”

“Mmmmm?” Bill made a show of uncurling from his sleeping position and then stretched and yawned. “Question Mark? Eh, sure, why not.”

Dipper smiled. “Sooo, apparently we can now be rooms away from each other.”

“Yep. A whole two floors. Wanna try going down to the basement while I stay in the attic next?” Bill grinned.

“Dipper? Hey, little dude, you coming?” Soos called.

“Coming~!” Dipper grabbed his shoes and bag and then waited for Bill to take his place in the bag before he ran down to join the man.

“Have fun, kids.” Stan told them. “Try not to get into too much trouble.” He was reaching up for something on a high shelf.

“Grunkle Stan, why don't you just get a ladder?” Mabel asked.

“You know, studies show that keeping a ladder in the house is more dangerous than a loaded gun.” Stan said in a matter-of-fact way. “That's why I own ten guns...in case some maniac tries to bring in a ladder!”

Mabel shook her head with a slightly-amused smile. “See you later, Dipper.”

Dipper waved as he left and then he got into Soos's truck. “Mr. Soos, is Grunkle Stan afraid of heights?”

“Why do you think that, little dude?” Soos asked as they drove off.

“Because he's scared of ladders.” Dipper shrugged.

“Maybe he's just superstitious.” Bill suggested.

“Nuh-uh, he's a major skeptical.” Dipper shook his head.

“Just skeptic, kiddo.” Bill told him.

“Are you talking to yourself again, little dude?” Soos asked. “You need to make some real friends. Imaginary ones can only do so much to entertain you.”

“He's not imaginary.” Dipper pouted. “He's real!”

“Well, where is he?” Soos asked.

Dipper's eyes lit up. “You wanna meet him?”

“Sure.” Soos nodded.

“Okay. Hold on.” He closed his eyes. “Bill, do the thing.”

Soos glanced at him as they drove to the arcade. “Little dude?”

Dipper's eyes opened again, but they weren't....human. They looked cat-like and yellow. Then he grinned at him. “Hiya, Question Mark!”

“Question Mark? Oh, my shirt!” Soos laughed. “That's real cute, little dude, but what's with the eyes?”

“Well, I'm not Pine Tree. Name's Bill Cipher!” He held out a hand. “I'm a demon that's been living in your boss's attic! Don't worry, I don't bite.”

“Oh, sweet!” Soos shook his hand with one of his and then put it back on the wheel. “So, how long have you been with the little dude?”

“Since shortly after he first got here.” Bill shrugged. “Anyways, now you've met me, so you can see me when I'm not possessing him! Cool, huh? It's thanks to the bonding spell!” He then shifted out of Dipper and Dipper's eyes had returned to normal, with Bill sitting on his shoulder.

“Whoa. How are you so tiny?” Soos asked as they pulled up to the arcade and parked.

“I make myself this small, it's optimal for riding and cuddling.” Bill grinned.

“Well, let's go play games!” Soos got out and Dipper climbed out after him.

“You're not freaked out?” Dipper asked.

“Nah, he seems cool.” Soos shrugged. “Dude Cipher seems like a good guy.”

“Uh, it's Bill.” Bill corrected as they entered.

The first thing to meet their eyes when they entered was a wall-full of Robbie's face. “Ew.” Dipper made a face.

“'You're dead', it says. Is that supposed to attract people?” Bill commented, looking at the many band posters. “I bet it's heavy metal. Yech.”

“Maybe he's secretly a vampire.” Dipper said.

“Haha, no, he's not a vampire. But I heard his parents tried to get him to a sleep in a coffin!” Soos said. “C'mon, let's go play!” He walked off.

“Vampires don't listen to heavy metal. They have enhanced hearing, so anything that would blow out the speakers of a stereo would drive them deaf.” Bill said, shaking his head. “That's why they listen to mostly opera, or classical, or other stuff like that. Blood-curdling screams that try to pass as music aren't their kind of thing.” He chuckled. “I'd be more likely to believe Gideon was a vampire, but he's just a mage.”

“Wow. I didn't know that.” Dipper nodded. “So, Robbie is most definitely NOT a vampire.”

“Robbie Valentino is just a regular human.” Bill nodded. “Anything else would not be able to endure his brand of music.”

“Note to self: Only humans can handle heavy-metal.” Dipper nodded.

“Pretty much. Or any creature that doesn't have enhanced senses beyond human capability.” Bill said, shrugging.

“Why are you talking to yourself?” Robbie said behind Dipper. Dipper looked over to see Robbie with his other teenager friends, sans Wendy. “'Only humans can handle heavy-metal'?” Dipper grinned sheepishly and headed after Soos. Robbie watched them go and shook his head. “Kid is weird.” He said to his friends.

“I almost forgot that most people can't see you yet.” Dipper said quietly.

“Eh, they will soon.” Bill shrugged.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dipper talks to himself a lot, or so the town thinks.


	32. Father

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dipper summons a game character! But it doesn't seem to like going against its programming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Voooooooom, vooooom!” Dipper turned the wheel with a grin. “I'm an expert~!”

Bill chuckled a bit, pushing the pedal for him. “Sure, kid.”

“Why are all these machines so big?” Dipper passed the finish line and got off, looking over at where Robbie and Lee were battling each other in Fight Fighters. “I wanna play that game.”

“Because it's not made for kids.” Robbie told him. “This place is made for teenagers. If you want kid games, go to the mall. There's that pizza place.”

“But Soos wanted to come here.” Dipper walked over and stood next to the game. “Can I play next?”

“Oh, sure, if you can magically levitate.” Robbie rolled his eyes.

“Robbie, be nice. I know you're annoyed about him calling your music noisy, but he's just a kid.” Lee told him.

“Ugh, I've lost interest.” Robbie left the game and walked off.

“Sorry about him, kiddo.” Lee smiled. “I can pick you up and you can play against the computer.”

“Hey, thanks!” Dipper reached up to him.

“Lee, seriously? The rest of us are going!” Robbie called.

“Just one game! You know Wendy would do it for him!” Lee called back, putting in quarters for Dipper to start playing.

“Ugh, FINE!” Robbie walked over and sat on a bench to wait.

“Why is he so grumpy?” Dipper asked.

“He wanted to surprise Wendy with a movie, but she's out of town.” Lee shrugged. “Okay, so you move this knob and push these buttons.”

“Like this?” Dipper started moving the knob and pushing the buttons at random.

“Yeah, that's it.” Lee grinned. “You're catching on quick, we'll make a gamer out of you yet!”

Dipper grinned and continued playing. Bill sat on his shoulder, watching him play, and then when Dipper got knocked out and had to put in more coins to continue Lee set him down. “Sorry, kid. I told Robbie one game. See ya.” He rubbed Dipper's head and walked off. Robbie got up and then the teens all left.

“Aww.” Dipper pouted and then looked around. “Hey, where's Soos?”

“I dunno.” Bill shrugged. “Want me to use my powers and float you up?”

“Nah.” Dipper started to walk away, then paused. “Ohh, a secret code!” He knelt down to read it. “'To unleash ulti....ultimate power'. Bill, can we try it?”

Bill shrugged. “Sure, why not? Got a quarter?” Dipper pulled one out of his pocket and Bill put it in before going up. “Alright, read it out.”

“Left, left, P, P, right, left, down, K, K, is that a diagonal? P x3, K.” Dipper read out.

Bill hit the buttons for him, focusing his powers on the machine to do so, and then the power suddenly went out. “Whoops.”

“What happened?” Dipper asked.

“I dunno, but it's a good thing Robbie's already gone.” Bill shrugged, then bit back a yelp of surprise as the machine started to shake under him. “What in the--?!” He flew over and landed on Dipper's hat, preparing for a fight if need-be.

“Uh, Soos?” Dipper called.

Then the machine flashed a bright blue light and a voice spoke. “SELECT YOUR CHARACTER!”

“Uhm...what was the name of the guy we just played?” He looked at Bill, shielding his eyes from the light.

“Rumble McSkirmish.” Bill told him.

“Uhm...Rumble McSkirmish?” Dipper shrugged.

The screen darkened and then a life-size version of Rumble McSkirmish did a roundhouse kick out of the screen and landed with his fist cracking the floor. Dipper moved out of his way and watched as the crack disappeared and the screen went black behind him.

“Whooooa...” Dipper stepped closer. “Cool! You're real?” He raised a hand. “High-five!” The pixelated character responded in kind, smacking his hand against Dipper's. “Ow, your hand is sharp!”

The man started to speak in a robotic fight-game voice. “Greetings, child-boy! I am Rumble McSkirmish from the U.S.A.!” He did a high-kick, followed by a series of other kicks.

“Whoa, watch it!” Bill moved Dipper back in time to dodge the one that got too close to him.

Rumble walked past him to the coin machine. “Change machine! Change me into a powerful wolf! GUUOOOH!” He slammed his head into the machine, destroying it and scattering coins.

“Rumble, no!” Dipper moved in front of him. “You can't do that, that's not yours to destroy!”

“But--” Rumble started.

“I said it's not yours!” Dipper wagged his finger at him.

Rumble started flashing red. “I need power-ups!”

“You mean you're hungry?” Dipper asked.

“Yes.” Rumble replied.

“Okay, let's go find Soos.” Dipper walked off. “Soos? Soos, where are you?”

Rumble followed behind him, pausing to prepare to smash things until Dipper wagged his finger at him again.

“What is that?!” Rumble paused by one of Robbie's posters. “It says 'You are dead'!”

“Oh, that's just Robbie. He plays noisy music and distracts Wendy at my uncle's store.” Dipper shrugged.

“And he killed your father?” Rumble asked.

“What? No, my dad isn't dead!” Dipper shook his head.

“I need power-ups!” Rumble reminded him.

“I can't find Soos, he has the keys to the truck.” Dipper said, looking around the machines. “Sooooos! Soos!”

“Kid.” Bill tapped his shoulder and pointed to a game called “NORT”. “He's in there.”

Dipper walked over to the game. “Soos?”

“Oh, hey, Dipper. I'm trapped in the game. It was a cool idea in theory, but now I'm not so sure...” Soos said, smooshed up against the glass.

Bill slapped his hand to his forehead. “I think you can let Hulk smash this one, kid.”

“Nuh-uh, he'll hurt him! Hold on, Soos, we'll figure something out!” Dipper said, pacing in front of the machine.

“Alright, alright, calm down.” Bill said, holding out his hands. “Let me try something. I might be able to shift the machine into something else for a few minutes, just long enough for Question Mark to get out.” He paused. “How did you even get in?”

“Uh...I climbed in the back.” Soos said sheepishly

“Then, why can't you just climb back out?” Bill asked.

“I closed the back behind me!” Soos replied.

Bill sighed. “Okay...let's just open the back up again, then.” He looked around for Soos's screwdriver and found it sitting against the back.

“I think it'd be more fun if you changed the machine.” Dipper said.

“I might risk changing him with it, though.” Bill said, focusing on the screwdriver and getting to work on removing the screws. “I don't yet know what all I'm capable of at this time, and I'd rather not do any trial runs on a living person.”

The back came off and Soos climbed out. “Thanks, glowing dude.” He looked over at Rumble. “Whoa, is that a video game character?”

“I need power-ups!” Rumble reminded them again.

“Let's go get him some food.” Dipper said, nodding.

**–**

“Happy Great-Uncle's Day!” Mabel held out a wrapped present.

“Huh? What? There's a great-uncle's day?!” Stan asked, startled from his nap.

“Of....cooooourse it's not a day I just made up on the spot!” Mabel said nervously. “Here's your present!”

Waddles gave an appreciative oink at him.

“Huh. Okay.” Stan opened the box and raised an eyebrow. Inside the box were red high-heels. “High-heels? You shouldn't have! No, really, you shouldn't have. I mean, what is this?” He looked at them skeptically and wondered if they would fit Susan.

“What's wrong, Grunkle Stan? Are they too _high_ for you? Do they make you _uncomfortable_? Hm?” Mabel asked pointedly.

“Maybe.” Stan walked over to adjust the antenna of the TV, which was showing only static.

“Admit it! You have a fear of heights!” Mabel declared.

“What? Is _that_ what this is about?” Stan looked at Wax Stan. “Can you believe this kid? And on Great-Uncle's Day, no less! You should be ashamed of yourself!” He looked back at Mabel, who hung her head sadly, then turned back to the TV. “But, no, I don't have a _fear_ of heights.”

“We now return to The World's Most Terrifying Sky-Diving!” The TV announced as a man jumped out of a plane thousands of miles in the air.

“UUUAAAHHH, turn it off!” Stan stumbled backwards, tripped over the giant animal skull and hid behind Wax Stan. Mabel turned it off and went over to look at where he was cowering behind the wax statue. “So, I have a fear of heights. Is that really so cray-cray?” He asked, looking up at her from where he was half-lying on the floor.

“We're home!” Dipper called as he passed by the living room with Rumble and Bill. He made his way to the kitchen and opened the fridge. “Hm...we don't really have much in here, we should go shopping again soon. Oh, here's half a taco!” He held out to him.

“Place it on the floor!” Rumble said, turning from where he had been trying to battle a fly.

“Uh, no. Mom said not to eat food that's been on the floor.” Dipper shook his head.

“I can not pick it up until it is on the floor!” Rumble explained in his robotic voice.

“Ooookay.” Dipper knelt down and put the taco on the floor. Rumble picked it up and then a menu popped up. Rumble selected the taco and it disappeared after blinking in the menu.

“Whooooa. I wish I could do that!” Dipper said in awe.

“Now I must defeat the world's greatest fight-fighters! Take me to the Soviet Union!” Rumble declared.

“Uhh, the what?” Dipper asked.

“It doesn't exist anymore.” Bill told him.

“That's gonna be tough, it doesn't exist anymore. In my world, I mean.” Dipper shrugged and closed the fridge after grabbing the milk. Then he went to grab a glass, but it was a bit high up. “Uhm...Bill?”

“I got it.” Bill flew up and focused on the glass, floating it down to Dipper's hand.

“Thanks.” Dipper smiled.

“Then, who is my challenger?” Rumble asked.

“I dunno, Robbie seems to think he's a fighter.” Dipper shrugged.

“Did he kill your father?” Rumble asked.

“Will you stop asking that? My dad isn't dead!” Dipper stomped his foot and then took a drink from his glass before going to put the milk away.

“I must challenge this Robbie!” Rumble declared.

“Or you could just not fight anyone.” Dipper shrugged. “I was just trying out the code, I don't want you to fight anyone.”

“Who is your ultimate enemy?” Rumble asked.  
  
“I dunno, the runs?” Dipper shrugged again. “I don't _have_ an enemy.”

“Who is 'the runs'?” Rumble asked.

“Oh, I guess video game characters don't have to go to the bathroom. Uh, it's not something you can fight.” Dipper explained.

“I must find this Robbie and defeat him for killing your father!” Rumble declared.

“I told you, my dad is NOT dead!” Dipper yelled.

“But--”

“Why are you so set on the idea that my dad is dead?! He's not dead! Stop trying to kill my dad!” Dipper stomped his foot repeatedly in anger. “He's. Not. Dead!”

Rumble stared at him and then he glitched before getting up and walking out. Bill looked at him leaving. “Uh oh, I think you broke him.”

“Well, good! He keeps trying to kill my dad!” Dipper crossed his arms in anger.

“Yeah, but he's set on finding Robbie, so maybe we should go after him.” Bill suggested.

“...You're right.” Dipper nodded. “He's really fast, though. Bill, can you take the lead?”

“Of course. I might need to fight him to get him to stop, anyway.” Bill shifted into Dipper's body and Dipper retreated to his mind-room. “Okay, then. Let's start with finding Shooting Star, she'll wanna know about this.” He went to the living room, but all he found was Wax Stan and Waddles. “Hey, pig! Where's your owner?”

“Oinkel!” Waddles said excitedly, then climbed off the couch to go to the door. “Oinkel!”

“Do you actually know where she is, or are you just aimlessly wandering in search of her?” Bill asked. “Agh, nevermind. Stay with the wax guy, I'll find her.” He walked to the front door and opened it, looking out before going through and closing it. “I didn't see Stan, either. And is it just me, or is there more random litter around?” He headed for the golf-cart.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Off to save Robbie! And where the heck are Mabel and Stan?!


	33. Choose your Challenger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rumble is off to kill Robbie and Bipper is in hot pursuit!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“And then I was like 'no way' and they were like 'yeah way' and I said 'prove it'!” Robbie said, sitting with the other teens in the park.

“So, what'd they do?” Thompson asked.

“They couldn't prove it, so they did a funny little sputter and left!” Robbie laughed.

“Whoa, what is that?” Nate pointed to the left.

“Looks like a really good cosplay of Rumble McSkirmish.” Robbie shrugged.

“He's heading this way.” Lee pointed out nervously. “Fast.”

“Uhh, he looks mad. Let's run for it!” Robbie got up and the others followed suit, running from the bench.

“Robbie! Come back here! Challenge me like a man!” Rumble ordered.

“Dude, I don't even KNOW you!” Robbie said, running faster. He then yelped as a golf cart drove up faster than golf carts should go and Dipper was in the driver's seat? Was this a weird dream? “Get in, or he will kill you.” The boy said firmly. Were his eyes looking weird?

“Uh, okay.” Robbie got in and then they were speeding off with Rumble in pursuit. “So, do you know that guy?!”

“Unfortunately, yes.” He replied as he drove. Wait, he couldn't even reach the pedals. And why was the cart glowing? “Pine Tree used a code he found on an arcade machine and summoned him by accident. After seeing your band poster and hearing you were a jerk, he decided that you had killed Pine Tree's dad or something.”

“Wait, who is Pine Tree?” Robbie asked.

“Pine Tree is Dipper, try to keep up.” The boy rolled his cat-like eyes. “I'm Bill, by the way. Bill Cipher. I'm sharing his body to save your life. Anyways, when Pine Tree had a hissy fit about him saying his dad was dead, Rumble glitched out and decided to go after you, since it was the last thing that made sense to him. And now we're here, and damn that guy is fast. I don't know if the wheels will withstand it, might have to float it.” Bill looked ahead of them. “Whoa, water-tower. And is that...is that Shooting Star up there?”

“I'm going to guess that's also a nickname, and I see Mabel and her uncle up there.” Robbie said, shielding his eyes with his hand.

“Good, you're learning. Shooting Star is Mabel, yes.” Bill looked behind them. “Ugh, alright. I'm going to park and fight him, you go up the water-tower.”

“Fight him? Are you nuts?!” Robbie asked.

“No, I'm a demon. I have powers. And you are a feeble human that has no powers, so why don't you just do as I say and go?” He parked the car and shoved him out with a wave of energy. Robbie quickly ran for the ladder and then Bill got out of the go-cart.

“Bipper?!” Mabel called. “What's going on?!”

“I got it handled, Shooting Star, you just stay out of the way.” Bill said, forming fire in his hands.

“Uh, kid, why are your hands on fire?” Stan called.

“Because I just summoned it, duh! It's called magic, Stan! Now stop distracting me!” He turned to Rumble, who had stopped upon seeing the fire in his hands. “Rumble, I challenge you.”

Rumble stared at him, and then a “START” button appeared in the air between them. Bill punched it and then jumped back before firing on Rumble. Rumble dodged and then fired his own blast, which Bill floated out of the way of.

** \-- **

“Uh...what is going on there?” Stan asked.

“Grunkle Stan, there's something you need to know...” Mabel said, gripping the railing. “That's...not _exactly_ Dipper down there. It's a demon that's been sharing his body since the start of summer, Bill Cipher. He's been a really big help, and now he's helping us again.”

“...Your brother has been possessed by a demon and you're cool with it?” Stan asked in disbelief.

“Well, I do have moments where I wanna swat him, but he's actually a pretty decent guy.” Mabel nodded. “Even if he has a potty-mouth and sasses me like crazy.”

“Wait, what? He's been _swearing_ around you kids?!” Stan asked.

“Well, yeah, which is when I swat him.” Mabel nodded. “He's been trapped in the attic closet for thirty years.”

“Why?” Stan asked.

“Someone sealed him in there.” She sighed. “He looks like he needs help. Should I go and join them?”

“I think he's got it.” Robbie said nervously. Rumble got a blast of fire to the face and let out a groan of pain, his health bar going down significantly. “Yeah, he's got it.” Robbie nodded.

Suddenly, Rumble fired a blast past Bill, and it struck the water-tower instead, damaging the base.

“Whoa!” Mabel cried out as the water-tower started to tip.

“Oh god!” Stan cried, suddenly remembering his fear of heights.

“We gotta get off this thing!” Robbie cried.

Bill looked over in a panic and then fired on Rumble, who proceeded to fire more blasts at the water-tower. “HEY! I'M your opponent, not them! Fight ME, you 2-D, cowardly sack of pixels!”

“I am still after Robbie!” Rumble declared. “I can take you both, two birds with one stone!”

“'One stone', THIS!” Bill fired a stronger blast at Rumble, lowering him to the end of his health bar, and then he turned to the water-tower. “Shit! Alright, I need you guys to jump!”

“Jump?!” Mabel cried.

“Trust me!” Bill stepped closer, ignoring the pixelized man giving his last words before he vanished.

“Do we really trust him THAT much?!” Robbie cried, looking at Mabel.

Mabel gripped the railing and then climbed up on it. “I'm trusting you!”

“Mabel, no!” Stan moved to grab her, but he was pulled down as she jumped, making him fall. Robbie covered his eyes and then jumped, the three falling from the water-tower.

“Okay.” Bill held out his hands. “I need a trampoline, a pile of pillows, anything!” He closed his eyes and snapped his fingers. The next sound he heard, Mabel was giving a gleeful giggle and he opened his eyes to see them on a trampoline. “Okay, good! That'll only last for a few minutes, I need you to get off it!” He looked at the water-tower. “This is gonna be a little more difficult, but now that they're safe...”

The water-tower started to move back into place with a horrible creaking sound, nearby lumber floating over to add support. Wait, floating? He wasn't doing that part yet! He looked to the side and saw that Gideon had come to investigate the falling water-tower and was using his powers to help repair it.

Finally, it was over. They gathered together by the go-cart and Mabel collapsed against Gideon. “Okay...I think  _I_ have a fear of heights, now.”

“Well, hopefully we can cure you of that.” Gideon commented with a smile. “What exactly happened here?”

“Well, Grunkle Stan has a fear of heights--”

“HAD one, I think I'm better now!” Stan did a little dance.

“So I took him here to try and cure him of it, which apparently worked. I have NO idea what was up with Robbie, Bill, Dipper and the weird guy.” Mabel shrugged.

“What weird guy?” Gideon asked. “I just saw the water-tower falling.”

“It was someone Pine Tree summoned by accident when he used a code on the side of an arcade machine. He kept on insisting Robbie killed Pine Tree's dad and Pine Tree got pissed off and had a hissy fit and I think it broke the guy.”

Gideon sighed heavily. “Okay...why didn't you stop him from doing the code?”

“Because it looked harmless!” Bill shrugged. “I thought it was some kind of in-game cheat, how was I supposed to know it would come to life?”

“Because this is _Gravity Falls_.” Gideon said in an exasperated tone. “Things are NEVER what you would expect them to be here!” He sighed. “So, how many people saw him?”

“Uh, anyone he passed by in town, Robbie and his friends...” Bill started to count off. “To be honest, we lost track of him for a bit. I did he smashed quite a bit of stuff on the way, there was pipes and stuff all over the place.”

Gideon pinched his forehead. “It's alright, the damage will be...handled. Let's just get away from the water-tower. Honestly, I thought Candy Chiu did something again, but we were lucky this time.”

“What did she do that was so bad?” Mabel asked.

“She almost flooded the town by trying to turn the still-full water-tower into a rocket.” Stan explained. “It was her science project. It failed horribly, the thing blew up, water gushed EVERYWHERE.”

“But, we were lucky this time. It was just a video-game game character come to life.” Gideon nodded. “Let's go back to the Mystery Shack. Where's your car, Stan?”

“We walked here.” Stan replied. “I was blindfolded.”

“Whoa, what happened to the town?” Wendy asked, walking up.

“Wendy!” Robbie walked over to her. “You're back! I missed you!” He hugged her.

“Whoa, chill, dude. I've got a heavy pack.” Wendy chuckled, patting his back. “Did I miss something interesting?”

“Oh, man, it was _nuts_.” Robbie said, moving back a bit. “You are _not_ gonna believe it.”

“Let's get home.” Stan smiled. “So...Bill, huh? Where's Dipper?”

“He's in his mind. Don't worry, he's watching everything that happens, and even gives clever input.” Bill said as they headed back to the golf-cart.

“Hey, uh, you guys mind going on ahead? I'm gonna hang out with Gideon.” Mabel told them.

“Fine with me, just keep it child-appropriate.” Stan shrugged.

“Hah! Child-appropriate!” Bill slapped Stan's arm. “Gideon didn't even get a dirty joke, I don't think you have anything to worry about, Stan!”

“Still, be back before dark.” Stan said firmly as he got into the go-cart. “I'm driving.”

“Can I make it go fast?” Bill asked.

“Uh, what do you mean?” Stan asked.

Bill grinned. “Turn it on.”

Stan did so and then started to move, only to yell out in terror as they sped faster than a go-cart should ever move as far as he was concerned.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gideon knows his town very well, he is not surprised by the video game character coming to life at all.


	34. Jeff Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Dipper finds a size-changing crystal, Jeff the Gnome comes to steal it away!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Mabel!” Dipper called. “Can you help me reach something?”

“I'm busy, ask Bill.” Mabel said as she counted money in the register drawer.

“But Bill is talking with Stan!” Dipper walked into the kitchen, where Bill was human-size and seated in a chair across the kitchen table from Stan. “Bill?”

“Yeah, Pine Tree?” Bill asked.

“Can you help me with something?” Dipper asked.

“Get a chair.” Stan told him. “I'm not done grilling your friend yet.”

“Oh, boy. What's next?” Bill asked.

“I don't care if you're usually tiny. No man, demon or not, is going to be in the same room as my undressing niece.” Stan said firmly.

“Oh, come on, she doesn't care!” Bill threw his hands up. “And I'm not at all interested in human bodies!”

“That's not the point! If you can be rooms away from Dipper, then you can leave the room while she changes clothes!” Stan said firmly.

Bill groaned. “Oookay. Anything else?”

“Did you burn the floor of my basement?” Stan asked.

“Uh, yeah, to save Shooting Star's life. Unlike Gideon, I can't use water magic.” Bill said matter-of-factly. “It's just fire and illusions for me.”

“And did you rip the tarp?” Stan asked.

“No.” Bill shook his head. “The clones did.”

“Did you mess with the machine?” Stan asked.

“No. But the kids did see it, and I said it was a portal and it didn't work.” Bill assured him.

“You _told_ them it was a portal?!” Stan cried.

“Oh, you _knew_?” Bill raised an eyebrow.

Stan sputtered and then looked at Dipper. “Why are you still here? I said to use a chair!”

“Okay, okay!” Dipper left the two, looking over curiously as he headed for the lightest chair to drag it over. “I wish I were bigger.” He pouted and climbed up on the chair to get down the cereal he wanted.

Later, he was reading the 3rd journal when he found a page on crystals that would change your size. They were out in the woods, apparently. He walked over to the door and opened it. “Bill? Can we go into the woods?”

“Sure.” Bill floated over to him, back in his tiny form. “Anything to get away from your uncle. I think he grills me more than he does Gideon.”

“Gideon is _nine_!” Stan called out to him.

“Big ears.” Bill mumbled.

Dipper grinned and showed him the crystals. “I wanna find these.”

**–**

“Okay, the Journal says it should be somewhere around here.” Bill said as they made their way into the woods. “Though, why do you want to be taller?”  
  
“Because I'm tired of being told to find a chair or having to ask for help! I want to be big!” Dipper dropped down and picked up a rock. “No, this isn't the crystal...” He threw it away.

A grunt sounded and then a large boar poked its head out of the brush, looking furious. “Uh oh.” Bill cringed.“Uh, can you stop it?” Dipper asked.

“I'll try. You get out of here.” Bill motioned to him.

“Okay.” Dipper moved away slowly, Bill keeping the boar's attention on him “How can it see you?”

“Animals can see spirits and ghosts and demons.” Bill replied. “Just keep going, Pine Tree. The crystals shouldn't be much further.”

“Okay.” Dipper nodded, walking on.

He found the crystals in a clearing, so many of them growing out of the ground. He saw a bee fly through the crystals, growing bigger and then smaller and then returning to normal size. “Whoa...” He walked over and picked up a little piece, then held it out in the light, turning it this way and that, playing with the size of his hand. “Haha! Bill, look at this! It's so cool!”

“You!”

“Huh?” Dipper looked over to see one of the gnomes glaring at him. Wasn't that the leader? “Uh...Norman, right?” Dipper asked.

“No, it's Jeff. Norman was my fake name, from when I was dating your sister! The girl who SHOULD be my queen!” Jeff declared.

“Uh, she's dating Gideon now.” Dipper shrugged.

“Oh, but that will change soon.” Jeff whistled and gnomes came out. “Attack him! Take the crystal!”

“Hey!” Dipper stepped back, then yelped as the gnomes attacked.

**–**

“Okay, now get on home. Good boar.” Bill said, having tamed the beast. Then he heard Dipper let out a yelp and raced over. “Pine Tree! Pine Tree, where are you?!”

“Down here!” Dipper called. Bill looked at the ground and found Dipper looking as small as a doll. “I got attacked!”

“Attacked? By who?” Bill flew over and knelt next to him. “Are you okay?”

“They took my crystal and then turned me tiny and then ran off saying they were going to force Mabel to be their queen!” Dipper said, climbing into his arms. “We have to find Gideon!”

“Wouldn't it be better to find Shooting Star?” Bill asked.

“Mabel can avoid them, but Gideon might be able to stop them!” Dipper said, clinging to Bill. “We gotta hurry!”

“Alright, alright. Let's go find Gideon.” Bill sped off to Gideon's Tent of Telepathy.

**–**

Gideon had just finished with his show when they arrived and was heading for his trailer to change. He was very surprised to find Dipper in Bill's arms on top of his dressing room mirror. “What's going on?”

“Gnomes. They took a size-changing crystal Pine Tree found and are going after Mabel.” Bill explained.

“Gnomes.” Gideon made a face and went to a drawer, pulling out a silver whistle. “That's easy enough. Let's get to the Mystery Shack.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is it that easy, Gideon? What are you planning?


	35. Mediator

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeff has Mabel's family hostage and Gideon has the way to make him go away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

They found the Mystery Shack surrounded by gnomes on squirrels. Gideon focused on the squirrels and sent them running off with a single mental command, and the gnomes were carried away by their mounts. Then he went to the window and looked in.

“There's no leaf-blowers to save you this time, Mabel! Marry us, or we'll feed your uncle and the handyman to the squirrels!” Jeff was saying. Stan and Soos had been shrunk down, and Jeff was holding the crystal and a flashlight.

“You're horrible! I'm not going to marry you, you pervert!” Mabel said, glaring at him. “Let my uncle and friend go!”

“Last chance, Mabel!” Jeff said, looking at the squirrels. “Say yes, or they'll be eaten alive!”

“I don't think so.” Gideon muttered, bringing the whistle to his lips. He then moved a hand to his ear and Bill and Dipper got the idea to cover their ears. Once he made sure they were covered, he blew the whistle and the gnomes in the Shack and around it started to freak out, covering their ears and running around like crazy.

“H-Hey, calm down! Find the source! I know it hurts, but we can beat this!” Jeff said, covering his own ears.

Gideon nodded to Bill, continuing to blow the whistle. Bill flew into the open window and dove at Jeff, throwing Dipper at his face. Jeff cried out and tried to get him off, but that left his ears unguarded and he had to quickly cover them again.

“What is that noise?” Soos asked, covering his ears.

Stan reached up and turned off his hearing aids, then charged at the head gnome. Between Dipper and Stan, the gnome didn't stand a chance and the crystal and flashlight fell from his hands. Mabel dove for both and used them to return her family and friend back to normal size, covering one of her ears as she did.

Finally, Gideon moved the whistle from his lips and entered the Mystery Shack, a venomous air about him. “Hello, Jeff. How is your king?” He asked coolly.

“G-Gideon!” Jeff yelped.

“There's _actually_ a king?” Mabel asked.

“Yes, there is. And Jeff is only a lowly soldier, though he likes to think himself as more.” Gideon said, putting the whistle back into his pocket. “How do you think His Majesty would feel about you trying to steal the girl of the one who is keeping the fairies from destroying you all?” He asked coolly.

“Uh...well, we saw her first!” Jeff insisted.

“Mm, but she's _chosen_ me. I heard that she used a leaf-blower on you, so take it as a rejection and leave her alone.” He wrapped an arm around her waist. “Or else I'm paying His Majesty a visit and remindin' him why the fairies are willing to accept me as a mediator.”

“B-But, we need a queen!” The gnome insisted.

“Then find someone actually _willing_.” Gideon held Mabel closer. “Next time you try to do anything to her, I'm turning you into a toadstool and adding you to the fairy ring.”

Jeff whimpered and nodded. “Alright, men, let's get out of here!” The gnomes all scattered, leaving only the humans and demon in the Shack. Stan turned his hearing aids back on and huffed at the mess they caused.

“...You know the fairies?” Dipper asked, looking at him.

“Yes, actually. But, the only reason they didn't take me away as they would've done to you was because of my mental capabilities. I didn't fall for their spells.” Gideon explained, releasing Mabel's waist. “They've been helping me with learning magic, and in return I am helping keep the peace between the different creatures.”

“That's so noble.” Mabel smiled. “And thank you for saving me.”

“I didn't do it alone. Thank your brother and Bill, too.” Gideon nodded to them.

“Of course. Thanks, Bill and Dipper.” Mabel smiled at then, then looked at the crystal. “What is this crystal, anyway?”

Dipper looked a bit sheepish. “It's a size-altering crystal I found that they stole. I just wanted to be taller!”

“Oh, Dipper.” Mabel smiled and moved from Gideon to hug her brother. “I'm sorry I haven't been able to help you as often as you need me to. But, it's better for you let yourself grow naturally. Growing by magic could have really bad side-effects.” She looked at Gideon. “Right?”

“Have you ever seen a Tim Burton film?” Gideon asked. “You'll end up looking like that when you get older.”

“Yikes!” Dipper yelped. “I don't want _that_!”

Mabel giggled, then turned to Gideon. “So...tell me more about the fairies?”

“If you'd like. I could even let you meet them, as long as you are accompanying me at all times.” Gideon smiled. “I'm afraid Bill can't come, fairy rings repel demons.”

“I know.” Bill grumbled.

“Not now, though.” Gideon shook his head. “I'm sure the forest is already in a tizzy about the gnomes attacking humans again. By the way, who all saw them?”

“I dunno, they barged in suddenly.” Mabel shrugged. “Why?”

“I just don't want a panic in the town. Gnomes aren't really known by the people.” Gideon explained. “But, I'm guessing they just came straight here, so we shouldn't have to worry.”

“That's good.” Mabel nodded.  
  
“Well, I was working on a mirror maze when they barged in, you guys wanna try it out?” Stan asked. “It's in the lounge. I think Tyrone is in there right now.”

“Oh boy, which Pine Tree is which?” Bill laughed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tyrone has been staying out of the limelight because he doesn't want to get melted.


	36. Physical

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that Stan has met Bill and knows he's living in the house, it's time for Bill to get his (temporary) physical form!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Okay. I have called you all here together for something very important.” Dipper said, using his best Important Moment voice. “Of the six of us, only four of us have met Bill.”

“Who's Bill?” Grenda asked. They were all gathered in the lounge, sitting in chalk circles connected to a magic circle Bill was sitting in the center of.

“To answer that question, you'll have to meet him. Bill, can you do the thing?” Dipper asked, still using his Important voice.

“You saying 'do the thing' while using that voice is hilarious, Pine Tree.” Bill chuckled as he phased into Dipper. As soon as his eyes changed, Grenca and Candy gasped in shock while everyone else acted like this was normal. “Hiya! Name's Bill Cipher! I'm a friendly demon that's been helping Pine Tree out!”

“You're...a demon?” Candy asked, intrigued.

“Yep. And now that you've seen me like this...” Bill phased out of Dipper's body and returned to the center of the circle. “You can see me like this.”

“You're so hot!” Grenda blurted out.

“Why, thank you, Grendo.” Bill grinned with a bow.

“So, we did that. What now?” Pacifica asked. “Now that they've seen him.”

“Gideon, I need you to do the summoning chant. Kids, I want you to focus your minds on me.” Bill said, looking at all of them. “If this works, the chalk will glow and I'll gain a truly physical form that can be seen by anyone – for the next 48 hours.” He shrugged. “Ready to help me be physical?”

“Of course!” Dipper said eagerly.

“If Candy and Grenda wanna help.” Mabel looked at them.

“Sure, it sounds fun!” Candy nodded.

“Let's do it!” Grenda grinned.

“I'm already here.” Pacifica rolled her eyes. “May as well get it over with.”

“Good. Gideon?” Bill looked at him.

Gideon opened the book in his hands, the 2nd Journal. “ _Triangulum, entangulum. Vene foris dominus mentium. Vene foris videntis omnium!_ ” He chanted, repeating it over and over.

“Everyone else, put your hands on the triangles in front of you.” Bill instructed over Gideon's chanting. As they did so, he put his hands together in a triangle shape around his eye. “Open your minds...focus entirely on me. Good...I can feel it...” The chalk started to glow around them and then he gasped softly as the power started to envelope him. “That's it...keep it up, kids...just a bit longer...” He held his position as the chanting went on and the room started to glow brighter. The kids all closed their eyes so the light wouldn't distract them, and then the room flickered in and out of monochrome colors before they returned to normal colors and Bill finally threw his arms out. “Enough!”

The chanting stopped. They moved their hands. All was silent. Bill looked around at them and then moved out of the circle silently, heading for the gift-shop. They got up and followed him, wondering what he was up to.

He approached the register and leaned on it casually, grinning at Wendy. “Mornin', Red!”

“My name is Wendy, not Red. And who are you? That's some crazy costume makeup, by the way. Golden skin is rad.” Wendy said, looking up from her magazine. “What's with the bowtie, though?”

“Bowties are cool.” Bill adjusted it, then tipped his top-hat to the people in the shop. “Good morning!” He then walked back into the house and stretched his arms and legs.

“So...did it work?” Dipper asked anxiously.

“Kid, I never introduced myself to Red.” Bill grinned. “That was my test just now. It worked GREAT!”

“Yay!” Dipper jumped up and down in excitement and then reached up to him. “Pick me up!”

Bill laughed and picked him up. “Sure, why not?”

“So, this lasts for 48 hours?” Gideon asked.

“Yep. Then we gotta cast it again to keep it.” Bill nodded. “But now I don't have to borrow Pine Tree's body to do things!”

“That's awesome.” Mabel nodded. “You can join our Summerween costume theme!”

“I'm sorry, what?” Bill blinked at her.

**–**

“Now that you're physical, you get to help out around the place.” Stan said firmly. “Let's start with the chores. You can touch water, right?”

“Yep.” Bill nodded.

“Good. I'm adding you to the chore list, it's your turn to do dishes.” Stan pointed to the sink full of dishes. “You might want to take off your gloves and fancy coat. I have an apron if you want it.”

“Is it yellow? I kind of have a thing.” Bill said, putting one hand on his hip.

“No, it's white. But I can get a yellow one if you insist.” Stan rolled his eyes.

“I can knit him one!” Mabel said, her eyes shining.

“Okay, you can knit him one.” Stan shrugged.

“Do I get any input on it?” Bill asked.

“Nope!” Mabel headed off to find her knitting supplies and yellow and black yarn.

“I'm a bit afraid of your sister.” Bill looked at Dipper. Dipper just giggled in response.

“Maybe you have good reason to.” Stan rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “Can you cook at all?”

“I'm a very fast learner.” Bill replied, picking up Dipper when he started tugging on his coat.

“Good. Someone that's not me and Mabel can cook, finally. You won't put glitter in the food, right?” Stan looked at him.

“Glitter is actually toxic, so obviously not.” Bill frowned. “Sprinkles, though, are always delicious.”

“I can live with sprinkles.” Stan assured him.

“Good. That'll keep Shooting Star happy, even without the glitter.” Bill chuckled, then looked at Dipper. “Can I put you down?”

“Noooo!” Dipper giggled, clinging to him.

“This kid.” Bill looked at Stan. “How did your relatives get to be so cute?”

“Hey, I was a cute kid, too.” Stan shrugged. “It just runs in the family. Anyways, with you around I don't have to ask Soos or Wendy to babysit all the time.” He stared at him, then rubbed at his own ear. “Uhm..your ears...are kind of pointy.”

“Yes, they are. I'm a demon, after all.” Bill replied. “They're also very sensitive, Pine Tree, so stop grabbing at my earring.” He set him down.

“I never noticed how...glitzy you were, when you were smaller.” Stan admitted. “You seem more-so when you're physical.”

Mabel poked her head in. “I need to measure you!”

“For an apron? Just measure an apron.” Stan grabbed the white apron and threw it at her.

“Oh, fine.” Mabel disappeared with the apron.

“So...Mabel mentioned 'Summerween'?” Bill asked.

“Oh, they didn't have it thirty years ago?” Stan asked.

“Uh, I never left the house. And the guy I was living with didn't celebrate it.” Bill admitted.

“Oh, man. You're gonna love it!” Stan grinned widely in the way he always did when planning something. Bill mentally noted that Mabel did the same thing.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Put the demon to work!


	37. Making Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan puts Bill to work while Mabel learns a bit more about the resident demon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“'Kiss the Demon'.” Bill said, looking at the apron Mabel had brought him. “That's...cute.” He touched the design that looked like his true self. “I guess it's not as bad as I expected.”

“Mabel, can I dress as Alice?” Dipper said, coming into the room with _Alice in Wonderland_ in his hands.

“You want to dress as Alice?” Mabel asked. “Weeeeell, I hadn't really decided what the theme would be... _Alice in Wonderland_ sounds great!” She walked over to look at the picture. “Hmm, it's got a skirt. Do you want the skirt or shorts?”

“How about a skort?” Dipper suggested.

“Good idea! I'll get to work!” She looked at Bill. “I'll be back to measure you for your costume.” She pointed at him aggressively as she backed out of the kitchen with the book.

“What is she up to?” Bill asked, shaking his head. Then he took off his coat and gloves and set them both to the side, putting the apron on over his yellow button-down and black pants. He brushed his bangs back behind his ear and then got to work on stacking the dishes neatly.

“Is it difficult, putting the triangle buttons through the holes?” Dipper asked.

“Eh, not really.” Bill shrugged.

“Can I wear your coat?” Dipper tugged on it.

“You will drown in it, but why not.” Bill laughed.

“Why is your skin a dark yellow?” Dipper asked, putting the coat on over his small body.

“It's called gold, Pine Tree.” Bill told him, turning on the water now that the sink was cleared.

“Okay, I'll let you work in peace.” Dipper walked out of the kitchen, still wearing Bill's coat.

**–**

“So, with Summerween only a week away, I don't know if I have enough time to make everyone's costumes. And will Pacifica be able to join us?” Mabel asked as she worked on Dipper's costume, supporting her cell-phone with her shoulder and cheek.

“I can help you make their costumes, don't worry. And Pacifica's family is having a party, but I might be able to convince them to let her get out of it.” Gideon replied on the other end. “The theme is Alice in Wonderland, you said? Who will be going as what?”

“Well, Dipper already called Alice, I'm gonna go as Hatter, I'm thinking Bill will be Cheshire Cat...” Mabel stuck out her tongue as she fit the thread through the eye of the needle.

“Why not have Bill be Hatter?” Gideon asked.

“Because he's more like Cheshire Cat than Hatter. With all the floating and the blinking in and out of existence and the sass.” Mabel started to pull the thread through the cloth. “What do you want to be? I was thinking you would be a good White Rabbit. Maybe Pacifica could be the Queen of Hearts? Grenda and Candy...uhm...”

“March Hare and Dormouse sound about right.” Gideon remarked. “They don't look enough alike to be Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum. What about Stan?”

“I dunno, I think he said he wanted to be a vampire.” Mabel shrugged. “He's not going out with us, after all.”

“Aww, nah. He's still gotta be in the theme, darlin'. For the pictures.” Gideon told her.

“Well, what would you suggest?” Mabel asked.

“Well, there are a few side-characters. He could be the doorknob, the caterpillar, one of the playing cards, the dodo...” Gideon listed off.

“How about the caterpillar?” Mabel suggested. “I'll go suggest it to Stan! Oh, and I gotta measure Bill! He's doing dishes right now, totally defenseless!”

“Figures. Stan has a powerful demon living in his home and he makes him do dishes.” Gideon remarked.

“And cook.” Mabel said cheerfully. “I'll call you later, okay? Let me know if Pacifica will be joining us! I have costumes to make!”

“Take care, darlin'.” Gideon replied.

“Talk to you later!” Mabel promised, and then hung up before going to grab her clothes measuring tape and a clipboard.

As she entered the kitchen, she saw Bill struggling to keep his hair out of his face. “Wanna borrow my headband?”

“A hairclip might be better. If I wasn't in this temporary physical form, I could just create one...maybe I can.” He reached up and moved his hair into place, focusing on a spot and creating a triangle-shaped hairclip. “There.”

“Well, hold still. I'm going to measure you for your costume.” Mabel said, walking over to him. “How do you feel about being painted purple?”

“Uh, why purple?” He asked.

“Cheshire Cat!” Mabel grinned at him.

Bill shrugged. “Eh, okay. As long as it's not permanent. So, this 'Summerween', from what Stan said, it's just a second All Hallow's Eve?”

“Pretty much.” Mabel shrugged.

“Though, I bet there's less portals to hell opening.” Bill muttered to himself.

“Wait, what'd you say?” Mabel blinked at him.

“Nevermind.” Bill waved it off. “Not important. Can I get back to work now?”

“I'm not done measuring you yet.” Mabel shook her head. “Where's Dipper?”

“I dunno.” Bill shrugged. “Want me to check?”

“Please. And spread your arms out.” Mabel said, measuring his chest. “What do you look like under your clothes?”

“Aww, Shooting Star, I think both Stan and Gideon would have issue to you wondering that~!” Bill grinned, then looked thoughtful. “Hm, maybe just Stan. Gideon might not see it as anything.”

“It was just a question, geez!” Mabel measured his arms and then went on to measure his waistline and legs. “Do you look like a regular human, only golden?”

“Heh, nah.” Bill shook his head. “Tell you what, when I'm trying on the costume I'll show you my chest, alright? But no more than that, you perverted girl.”

Mabel huffed. “That's fine.” She moved away from him. “You may go back to work now.”

“Oh, _may_ I?” Bill turned back to the sink. “Thank you for allowing me, most gracious mistress!” He said in a sing-song voice.

Mabel sighed and walked out of the kitchen. “Wait, where's Dipper?”

“He's playing with Soos and Wendy over by the Bottomless Pit.” Bill told her.

“Wait, there's a bottomless pit?!” Mabel yelped, running outside.

“Relax, he's not close enough to it to fall in!” Bill called after her.

**–**

“Hmm...bubbles.” Stan decided, reading _Alice in Wonderland_. “Instead of the smoke, I'll use bubbles. Might cost a bit to make all this but, if Gideon is willing to chip in, I see no reason why we can't.” 

“Thanks for joining the theme.” Mabel smiled, holding Dipper in her lap. She'd been keeping him in since finding him playing at the edge of a huge pit in the backyard. “Grunkle Stan, what's that pit?”

“Heck if I know? I've been avoiding it, aside from tossing things I don't want.” Stan set the book down. “I'm gonna go check on Bill.” He headed into the kitchen and looked at the demon, who was singing something to himself in a strange language. “Uh, what is that you're singing?”

“Hm? Oh, just a song I learned.” Bill grinned and went back to singing as he finished up the dishes.

“Right. Well, if you're done with that why don't you keep Dipper out of trouble so my employees can work?”

“Sure.” Bill put the dishes in the rack and then took off his apron after drying his hands on a dish towel. Then he grabbed his gloves and paused. “...Pine Tree still has my coat.”

“I didn't see him wearing it.” Stan shrugged.

Bill sighed and walked out, pulling his gloves on. “Pine Tree. My coat?”

“Oh! I put it on my bed!” Dipper squirmed out of Mabel's lap and ran upstairs.

Bill shrugged. “Well, he could've let the goat have it.”

“That's true.” Mabel nodded. “So...how long has the bottomless pit been there?”

“Are you asking generally, or do you want me to use my Sight to find out when it first formed?” Bill asked.

“Uh, well...both?” Mabel shrugged.

Bill chuckled and closed his eye before moving his hands into a triangle shape around his eye. Then he opened his eye and images started to take the place of his pupil. “Let's see...when Gravity Falls was first founded, there were a series of earthquakes. People thought it was the end of the world, but all that happened was that strange things started to happen and a strange pit showed up in a clearing. And then, thirty years ago before this present time, a young scientist came to town and had a cabin built near it so he could study the pit. It has remained untouched and a mystery to all to this day.” He moved his hands down and his eye returned to normal.

“Ohhh. We should check it out sometime.” Mabel said, nodding.

“I got your coat!” Dipper said, coming down with Bill's coat in his arms.  
  
“Thank you. Please don't run off with it again.” Bill said, pulling it on.

“It's just a coat.” Mabel shrugged.

“'Just a coat'? Mabel, my dear--”

“You called me 'Mabel', uh oh.” Mabel commented.

“\--This 'just a coat', as you put it, is made of the finest materials in all the cosmos! It's bulletproof, weatherproof, and is fabulous in all functions! Also, it can change color by my will.” He demonstrated by turning it blue and then back to yellow. “I don't use that function much.”

“Can you turn it purple?” Dipper asked.

“Are the rest of your clothes made of that material?” Mabel asked.

“Yyyyyes. Why purple, specifically?” Bill asked. “I assume I'm going to be wearing a costume of Shooting Star's making, not my coat.” He looked at Mabel. “Just the coat, I'm afraid. The commission price was too annoying for a full outfit. Why couldn't they just accept gold? It had to be friggin' STARDUST from the Isoben Galaxy! That stuff is EXPENSIVE! Not to mention dangerous to get.” He threw his hands up. “Gold is useful EVERYWHERE, damn it!”

 Mabel swatted his arm. “That's nice, but don't swear.”

“Yes, ma'am.” Bill lowered his arms.

“I don't understand _anything_ you just said.” Stan commented. “Nerd stuff?”

“Yes, Stan, it was 'nerd stuff'.” Bill said, rolling his eye.

“What's under your eyepatch?” Mabel asked, pointing at it.

Bill raised an eyebrow. “Uh, generally when people wear eyepatches, it's because there's something wrong with one of their eyes.”

“Well--”

“Stan, Mabel, we're being overrun!” Wendy called.

“Tourists...everywhere!” Soos said dramatically.

“Let's go.” Stan nodded to Mabel. “Bill, watch the kid. Keep him out of trouble and away from fairies.” He walked out of the room.

“See you after work.” Mabel kissed Dipper's head and then followed Stan out.

“Wanna color?” Dipper asked.

Bill grinned. “Sure, that has a minuscule chance of endangering your life!”

Dipper laughed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Crayons are non-toxic, right?


	38. Trickster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot has changed in thirty years, and that includes the appearance of an urban legend! Bill finds out the hard way that the legend is more real than they thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Okay, now that Bill is physical again, let's get our costumes on!” Mabel said as they got out of the magic circle.

“You guys going to a party?” Wendy asked as they passed her. She was sitting in the living room with Stan, who was already wearing his costume.

“Nope, just trick-or-treating. I wish you could've joined the theme.” Mabel pouted.

“Nah, I'm good.” She gestured to her Halloween-themed dress. “Robbie's coming to pick me up for a party at Tambry's soon. You guys have fun, though. Don't piss off any ghosts.”

“We have a _demon_ , what danger could a _ghost_ be?” Pacifica rolled her eyes.

**–**

“Alright, since you were so insistent, I'll let you watch me take my shirt off. But you gotta leave the room after that.” Bill told Mabel as he undid his bowtie and set it to the side.

“Can you remove the hat?” Dipper asked.

“I can...do I have to?” Bill asked.

“Yep.” Mabel put cat ears on his head. “Whoa, it vanished.”

“Yeah, you overlapped it with another hat. You know...I can just...create ears and tail, this is silly.” He poked at the headband, which was starting to float above his head.

“Oh.” Mabel took the headband away. “Can you do that, then? And once you're shirtless, I gotta work on your makeup!”

“Why can't he just turn purple?” Dipper asked.

“Because, uh, purple doesn't match any of the emotions.” Bill admitted. “I can't change my color, just the color of my coat.”

“Well, Cheshire Cat is purple.” Mabel put her hands on her hips. “So, make-up it is.”

“Will the ears and tail be purple?” Dipper asked.

“Well, sure. That's just an illusion, not changing myself.” Bill shrugged, and then he unbuttoned his shirt and opened it.

“Ohh....” Mabel looked at his chest, her eyes scanning the brick-like pattern. “Is it the same on the back?”

“Mmhm.” Bill set his shirt to the side and grabbed the shirt Mabel had made for him.

“Ah, hold on! Makeup first!” Mabel went to get her costume makeup.

“I think Stan would prefer if Gideon did my makeup.” Bill commented as she hauled out the big kit.

“Nah, I can do it just fine! Okay, hold still.” She looked over at Dipper. “Let me know if you need help with any of your costume, Dipper.”

“Okay!” Dipper started to undress.

Bill sighed and sat down in a folding chair so Mabel could apply the makeup without having to reach up too much. “I don't really like purple, to be honest. Can't the Cheshire Cat be gold?”

“No, he's purple.” Mabel opened the kit and started to work. “Just put up with it for a few hours, please?”

Bill sighed heavily and then a purple striped tail curled around the chair, ears poking out of the top of his head as the hat vanished. “As you wish.”

“Maybe next year you can be Wesley.” Mabel grinned.

“Who?” Bill asked.

“Princess Bride, use your Sight.” Mabel said as she continued to color his face.

“I'll do that later.” Bill decided.

Dipper picked up the headband that had a ribbon on it and put it on. “Mabel, can I skip on the wig? It feels kind of itchy.”

“Sure, go ahead. Nothing wrong with a brunette Alice.” Mabel shrugged.

“Oh, but there's something wrong with a golden Cheshire Cat?” Bill asked, his tail flicking.

Mabel paused in her work and sighed heavily. “Fine, let me clean up what I did. You can be a golden Cheshire Cat.”

“Thank you.” Bill grinned at Dipper.

Dipper grinned back and then skipped out of the room.

“The costume is purple, though.” Mabel pouted.

“Well, let me just work a little magic on it...” He reached out and touched the costume, the purple changing to gold. “There. It'll revert back to purple by bedtime, but it'll work for while we're out.” He then changed his ears and tail to golden-brown. Then he reached up and mussed up his hair so it covered his real ears. “There. Better?”

Mabel nodded. “You better get dressed, though. Before Grunkle Stan comes to check on us.”

“Out you get, then.” Bill shooed her away. “By the way, you look very nice in your Hatter costume.”

“Thank you!” She gave a little curtsy and walked out.

**–**

“Well, aren't we a fun mix of alterations?” Stan asked, amused. “I think that Gideon is the only one who didn't drastically alter his costume in some way.”

“It's not THAT drastic.” Grenda said, adjusting her jacket.

Gideon pulled out his pocket-watch. “Let's get the picture taken, it's almost time.”

At that moment, the front door was knocked on. Dipper hopped up and went to go answer it, with Bill right behind.

“Hang on, kiddo, let me handle it.” Bill reached for the candy bowl and then opened the door. “Okay, how many do we...what the hell?” He looked up at a VERY tall man. “Okay, what the fuck. The adult party is not here, man.”

“Trick or treat.” The man said in an ominous tone.

“Seriously? You probably have a 9 to 5 job and can buy your own. This is for the kids that can't do that. Get lost.” Bill shut the door, ignoring his “No, wait--”.

“Aww, you could've given him a piece.” Dipper pointed out.

“Pine Tree, if we gave a piece of candy to every adult that came by trying to get free stuff, then there'd be nothing left for the kids!” Bill explained.

“Oh, right.” Dipper nodded. There was another knock on the door.

Bill raised an eyebrow and opened it. “You again?”

“Give me candy.” The man held out his bag.

“Seriously, what are you, a homeless bum? These are for the _kids_.” Bill told him, shutting the door again.

“Bill!” Mabel had come out to see what was taking him so long. “Don't be rude, give him a piece of candy!”

“And when there's no candy left for the kids, we're gonna have to clean eggs off the building! You know how hard it is to clean this building?” Bill gestured to the door. “That is NOT a kid, so he doesn't get candy!”

There was another knock on the door. Mabel sighed and walked over, opening the door and snatching the candy bowl. “Be nice, Bill. It's just candy. If we run out, we can get more.” She looked at the man. “Sorry about him, he's kind of a fail about general human culture. He's been in a closet for thirty years.”

“Excuses, excuses!” The man declared, stepping into the doorway menacingly. “You have refused me twice, and therefore must pay the price!”

“Whoa, nice rhyming.” Dipper commented.

“What price?” Mabel asked nervously. The others started to come out, hearing the man speaking.

Just then, a trick-or-treater walked up to them. “Hi, I'm Gordy!” He said cheerfully. The man suddenly grabbed the boy and shoved him into his giant mouth as Gordy screamed “Remember meeeeee!”.

“Gordy!” Grenda cried out in horror.

“You have until the last jack-o-melon goes out to gather 500 pieces of candy by the end of the night, or suffer his fate.” The monster said cruelly. Then he stepped out of the building backwards. “Tick tock, children.” He then jumped away like a flea.

The house was silent and then Gideon spoke up. “Alright. Who did it?”

“Did what?” Dipper asked.

“Who refused candy to the Summerween Trickster?” Gideon crossed his arms over his chest.

“The whosawhat?” Bill asked.

“Use your Sight.” Gideon sighed heavily. “The Summerween Trickster comes to a random house every year, and whoever is chosen has to give him candy or something terrible would happen. Up until now, no one had refused him. The legend was too prominent in our community. So, who refused him?”

Mabel and Dipper looked up at Bill.

Bill groaned. “I didn't know it was a monster, okay?! I thought it was some bum trying to get free candy! This stuff is for the kids! I didn't sense any powers or anything from him!”

“Let's get the picture done so you guys can hurry and do that, then.” Stan said, nodding. “Soos should be on his way, so you can load a wheelbarrow into his truck.”   
  
“Alright.” Mabel nodded, and then they all gathered in front of the camera again. “How long has the Summerween Trickster been around, anyway?”

“I think twenty years?” Gideon shrugged. “Stan?”

“I tried to avoid the supernatural stuff, honestly. I was lucky enough to not get a visit all these years.” Stan admitted. “And when I finally did, Bill went and pissed him off!”

“I didn't know about it, okay? No one mentioned it!” Bill huffed.  
  
“Haha, your ears and tail are reacting.” Dipper pointed out.

“Everyone ready? Smiles in 5 seconds!” Wendy said, standing behind the camera.

Bill huffed again, then grinned for the picture as it flashed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A golden Cheshire Cat, now what do you think about that?


	39. Candy Hunt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The hunt is on! They're off to find the candy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“I'll keep mine lit as long as I can.” Stan promised. “Be careful out there. Here's ten pieces of candy into the wheelbarrow to start you off.” He put some into the wheelbarrow Grenda was pushing.

“Let's get going.” Gideon said, pulling out his pocketwatch. “We only have a few hours to get this done. And then I think we're banning Bill from answering the door from now on.”

“Probably a good idea.” Stan nodded.

Bill rolled his eye and crossed his arms over his chest. “I thought I was doing a good thing by not letting some jerk take the candy intended for kids!”

“Grunkle Stan, I called Miss Susan and told her what was going on and she said she'd be over to make sure you don't run out of goodies. She's bringing stuff for cookies~!” Dipper said cheerfully. “I hope there's some left later.” He looked thoughtful.

“Who's gonna run things at her place, then?” Stan asked.

“No one, I guess.” Dipper shrugged.

“You two can take the time between visitors to get to know each other better.” Mabel winked at him.

Stan went pink in the face. “Y-You kids better get going! Go!”

Mabel giggled and walked out of the house with Dipper. “See you later!”

“Hey, Robbie's here.” Wendy looked over at Robbie waiting for her. “I'm gonna go. If you come by Tambry's, she'll have candied apples.” She grinned and waved, walking off to her boyfriend.

“I wonder what she sees in him? Certainly not his music.” Dipper commented as they got into Soos's truck. Soos was dressed as some kind of superhero, though they had offered for him to join the theme. Apparently he'd been working on the costume too long.

“Those two have known each other for years, Dipper.” Gideon shrugged. “I'm sure they have something they like about each other.”

“But you knew Candy for years.” Dipper pointed out.

“She ruined my best suit and almost flooded the town.” Gideon said in a dead-pan voice.

“It was worth it.” Candy said, nodding firmly. “Though, next time I should use something more explosive than water. While the shape of the water-tower may look like it worked for a rocket, the contents were not very good for fuel.”

“I hear corn oil or something will work.” Grenda suggested.

“Why can't you just make a mini-volcano like normal people?” Pacifica asked.

“Because science is not about doing what everyone else does, it is about trying new things!” Candy adjusted her glasses, then looked at Bill's tail. “...Could you make mine move?”

“Huh?” Bill looked at her. “Sure, why not?” He reached over and tapped her fake ears and tail. “It'll only last until the end of the night, though. This is only a temporary physical form. If I had my REAL form...Oh boy.” He grinned.

“Why didn't you use your Sight when you first answered the door?” Mabel asked.

“Because it takes concentration to use my Sight and I didn't think I would need it.” Bill rolled his eye.

“How come you have to use your Sight?” Dipper asked.

“Because while I may have _access_ to all the knowledge of the universe, I have to search for it before I know things.” Bill explained. “Can you imagine if I had ALL the knowledge and retained it constantly? I'd blow up mentally, even with my powers!”

“Yikes.” Dipper cringed.

“Everyone ready?” Soos asked.

“Yeah.” Mabel called back.

“Alright, then! Let's go get candy!” He started the truck and off they went.

“So, what if we can't get enough?” Bill asked. “What'll happen?”

“It'll eat us,” Gideon shrugged. “Apparently.”

“Can't we destroy it?” Bill asked. “Like we did with the clones, and the wax guys?”

“The Summerween Trickster has been around for two decades without being a trouble. The only reason he's upset is because you refused him.” Gideon shook his head. “Let's do things his way.”

“Uh, no. If we can't get everything we need, then I'm killing it.” Bill nodded firmly.

“We're not _going_ to fail.” Mabel said firmly. “Stop talking about the possibility.”

“But, if we _do_ \--”

“I said stop. Do NOT make me punch you.” Mabel said, gesturing aggressively.

“Violent woman.” Bill stuck out his tongue at her.

“Jerk.” Mabel held Dipper closer to her.

“Be nice, you guys!” Dipper said, looking from one to the other. “Pacifica, can you make them stop?”

“Why do _I_ have to?” She asked.

“Because Gideon is also in the fight and the other two look like they're going to get popcorn.” Dipper shrugged.

Pacifica sighed heavily. “Okay, fine. Stop fighting, guys. This night is already tense as it is. Let's have fun.”

“Okay. We'll finish this later.” Mabel pointed a finger at Bill. “I still have under 48 hours to make your life hell for causing this mess.”

“Pft. Kid, you don't _know_ hell.” Bill lay back in the hay that covered the bed of Soos' truck. “Hay is surprisingly comfy.”

They rode along until they finally reached the residential part of town. “Well, here we are! I'll park, and we'll meet back here.” Soos said, pulling up to the side of the curb.

“Let's go.” Mabel climbed out and helped Dipper down.

“This is going to be fun!” Grenda said, grinning. “Let's go!” She headed off for the first house.

“Wait for us!” Dipper said, following behind her.

They got to the first house and Dipper knocked on the door.

The door opened and a woman looked out. “Oh, what an adorable costume!”

“Thanks! I'm Alice! Trick or Treat!” Dipper held out his bag.

“You're all doing the same theme? How adorable!” She went in and got her candy bowl before putting it in everyone's bag. “Oh my. I don't believe I've seen you in town.” She said, blushing a bit when she got to Bill's bag.

“I don't go out much.” Bill shrugged.

“Well, I'd love to see you more often.” She winked and then put candy in before going back in. “Take care, now!”

“Let's go.” Bill speed-walked away to the next house.

Mabel giggled. “Aww, she likes you.”

“She likes my fleshy humanoid disguise, not me.” Bill corrected her.

“I like your fleshy, humanoid disguise, too.” Grenda said in a sultry way.

Bill had no comment for that. “Hey, look, next house!” He grabbed Dipper's hand and pulled him along to it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bill is not accustomed to being flirted with. He's usually the flirter.


	40. Appease the Beast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The hunt is over, time to rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Okay, so that's 498....499...500.” Mabel counted as they emptied their bags into the wheelbarrow.

“Should we include the candied apples?” Dipper asked.

“No, I think we're fine.” Mabel smiled a bit.

“Hey, look at what we got here!”

Bill glanced over and saw some teenagers approaching.

“A whole wheelbarrow of candy!” The teenagers walked up to it. “Are you giving it away?”

“It's not for you!” Dipper moved in front of the wheelbarrow. “It's for the Summerween Trickster!”

“Oh, that urban legend? You think it's real?” The teenagers laughed, and then one moved to push Dipper out of way. “Move it, trap.”

“Hey!” Mabel smacked their hand away. “Don't you touch my brother!”

“Why did he call me 'trap'?” Dipper asked.

“I dunno, kid. I'll use my Sight later and see if it merits kicking their ass for it.” Bill assured him.

“Oh, you wanna go?!” The teenagers got into fighting stances that looked like they learned them from watching too many action movies. “Bring it, blondie!”

Bill's ear twitched in annoyance and his tail flicked sharply. “Oh, you are going to regret that one.”

“Stop!” Gideon stepped between them. “How do you think he will feel if he comes and finds this going on?” He looked at the teenagers. “Get out of here before I hex you.”

“Ohh, the fake physic is gonna hex us!” The teenagers waved their hands around.

Gideon narrowed his eyes and held out his hands, muttering something. Suddenly, they weren't looking at teenagers anymore. They were looking at frogs. They hopped around in a panic, trying to figure out how to undo it. “Am I still fake?” He asked them, holding up a hand to float them into the air.

“Gideon, no.” Mabel told him. “Turn them back, I think they've learned their lesson.”

“They were being mean to Dipper.” Gideon looked at her.

“He's fine. Let them go and change them back.” She said firmly.

Gideon sighed and muttered something, changing them back to normal before he dropped them on the ground. “Now, get out of here.”

The teenagers nodded frantically and fled, but not before they saw the Summerween Trickster coming up. “Yikes, it's a monster!” They screamed, running another direction.

Gideon looked at where they went and noticed a red-cloaked figure coming out of the shadows and following them. When he looked at the others, they were too focused on the Trickster to see the cloaked figure. Good, it was better if they didn't ask about it.

“We got you the candy!” Dipper said, standing out of the way of it.

The Trickster approached it and lifted up the wheelbarrow, inspecting the contents. Then he nodded and dumped half of it into his mouth before swallowing and setting it down. “You may keep the rest.” He told them. “You have done well.”

“Thanks!” Dipper smiled brightly.

The Trickster nodded and spit out Gordy onto the ground before jumping away like a flea again.

“Gordy, are you okay?” Grenda asked, going over to help him up.

Gordy got up, a deranged smile on his face. “I'm officially traumatized!”

Oh boy, thought Gideon. That would have to be taken care of.

**–**

“You're back!” Stan got up from where he and Susan were waiting on the couch outside. “I was so worried about you!”

“We're fine!” Dipper ran over and hugged him. “But I got called a trap. Is trap an insult now?”

“I have no idea.” Stan admitted.

Bill brought his hands up to his eye and used his Sight, searching for the answer, and then threw his hands down in a rage. “Oh, I am gonna BEAT those guys!”

“Leave it.” Gideon said quietly, so only Bill could hear. “They won't remember.”

Bill looked at him. “But, they had the nerve to--”

“Whatever it means, Dipper didn't understand so it didn't hurt him. Leave it.” Gideon shook his head.

Bill sighed and nodded, then paused. “...What do you mean 'they won't remember'?”

“Guys, come on! There's cookies! And caaaake!” Dipper waved to the two, who were the only ones outside now.

“I hope you never have to find out.” Gideon said, walking to the Shack to join the others.  
  
Bill frowned. “...I feel like I should know what he means...but it's not enough to use my Sight with. Guh.” He ran his hand through his hair and walked into the Shack. “Hey, save me a cookie!”

That night, Bill was setting up the couch to sleep when he saw Dipper come into the room. “Hey, Pine Tree.” He smiled.

“I miss cuddling with you. It's been a week, and Grunkle Stan won't let you into our room when Mabel's asleep. Can I sleep with you?” He asked, rubbing at his eye. He was dressed in his lizard-print footie pajamas again and was hugging his pillow to his chest.

Bill shrugged. “Eh, why not. C'mere, kid.” He pulled the blanket back.

Dipper let out a squeal of glee and ran over, climbing onto the couch with him. He cuddled up close and nuzzled his collarbone. “I love you, Bill.”

Bill's cheeks tinted a bit pink and rubbed his head. “...Love ya too, kid.” He looked towards the giftshop, thinking of the broken portal in the basement. He had hurt so many people to get that thing there, but now it didn't seem to matter anymore.

Stan passed by the living room and looked in. “...She's gonna freak when she finds him gone, y'know.”

“I know. And she'll come tearing downstairs looking for him and find us here.” Bill shrugged.

“She really cares about him.” Stan smiled fondly. “Like any good sibling would, I suppose.”

“I think you and I both know that there are some not good siblings.” Bill said, looking up from where Dipper had fallen asleep on him. “Do you know what that thing is?”

“I know it's a portal. And he's in there, somewhere.” Stan clenched his fist. “I can't just leave him there.”

“Even if you risk the whole world by bringing him back?” Bill asked.

“I would risk _everything_ to bring him back.” Stan walked on.

Bill looked back at Dipper. “...I wouldn't.” He said quietly.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who is the "he" that Stan wants so desperately to bring back?
> 
> ((A.N.: I'm going to take a tiny break from writing for the holiday. I've been writing nonstop to get this out in time! Happy Halloween, everyone, and stay safe out there! Watch out for jerky teens out to steal your candy!))


	41. Customer Service

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Mabel questions Stan's methods, he challenges her to do better and leaves her to man the shop for 48 hours!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“I. Have. A coupon!” The well-dressed woman said, waving around a slip of paper. “Give me my 25 percent off!”

“Ma'am, as I said before, this item is not included on the coupon. You'll have to get--” The cashier tried to say with an apologetic tone. The irate customer cut her off with a sharp tone.

“No, no! I have a _coupon_!” The woman slapped the paper onto the counter this time. “Give me my percentage off!”

“You have a brain too, but I don't see you using it! I don't know if you can tell time without looking at the watch on your wrist that you've been waving around, but you've been doing this for fifteen minutes and _some_ of us have places to be.” Bill said in a voice loud enough every other cashier's costumer could hear him. “Just accept the fact that the rules aren't going to bend to your tantrum and stop acting like a baby over it. I've seen _babies_ more mature than you!”

The woman went red in the face in a mixture of embarrassment and anger. “How _dare_ you, do you know who I--”

“Unless you're someone that's actually important to anyone but your self-entitled self, I don't wanna hear it.” Bill waved his hand dismissively while Dipper giggled behind him and Mabel's jaw dropped in disbelief. “You're not a Northwest, you're not a Gleeful, and you actually don't look like anyone I've ever seen in this town so you might be from out of town and therefore unless you're the President of America your 'do you know who I am' is pointless and wasting another five minutes of my time. Finish your shopping and get lost before I kick you out without your precious purchases.”

“And who are YOU supposed to be?” She demanded.

“Someone that is getting increasingly pissed off that you're talking to him and not finishing your shopping.” Bill reached over and snatched up the paper, ripping it in half. “There, no more coupon. Get on with your day and act your age. You're, what, 40? I'm gonna say you're 48.”

She blushed even redder. “I-I'm not--”

“Yeeeeah, you are. I can guess ages pretty damn well.” Bill nodded. “Nice work on the makeup and plastic surgery, though. You'd fool anyone else.”

She quickly turned away, paid for her purchases and rushed off with her bags without another word to Bill. “Ah, finally!” Bill moved forward and the cashier started scanning their items. “Talk about annoying, right?”

“I'm used to it.” She sighed. “It's always the rich, self-entitled ones that give me the most trouble.”

“Tourists.” Bill shrugged and pulled out the money Stan had given him for groceries. “We get loads of them at the Mystery Shack, but my boss would never stand for them taking up more than two minutes of his time not buying anything.”

“Oh, you work at the Shack?” The cashier asked. “I don't think I've seen you before. That'll be $25.60.”

“I'm a family friend, from out of town.” Bill handed over $26.00 and then held out his hand for the change when she offered it. “Sorry, I don't have any coins on me.”

“That's alright. At least you didn't pay in a fifty.” She shuddered. “Well, take care and good luck at work!”

“See ya.” Bill waved and led the kids out of the store.

“Bill, you wouldn't _actually_ kick that woman, would you?” Mabel asked as they made their way back to the Stanmobile.

“Hey, there you are! What happened, you get lost?” Stan asked, getting out of the car.

“No, we got stuck in line behind this bi—broad.” Bill walked over to put the groceries in the trunk.

“What'd you do, kick her?” Stan grinned.

“I was just about ready to. Instead I outed her real age and ripped her precious coupon that she had nothing that it applied to.” Bill grinned widely. “Being lots-knowing has its perks.”

“Heh, you should try that trick next time we get a loiterer.” Stan chuckled. “Anyways, let's get home. We've left the shop in the hands of Soos and Wendy long enough, I think.”

“However did you manage without me?” Bill asked as they got into the car. “Can I drive?”

“You better not use any speedy-magic.” Stan said, cautiously handing over the keys.

“Cross my heart.” Bill said, taking the keys. “Everyone buckle up!”

They all buckled in and Bill started the car. He moved slowly out of the parking lot, waited until they got past the first light and then floored it, going 70mph in a 25mph zone and weaving around cars and trucks while Stan yelled for him to slow down.

When they arrived, intact but rattled, Stan snatched the keys back and glared at him. “Next time, I'm just gonna tell you to not speed. What do you think this is, the Autobahn?!” He got out and went to get the groceries.  
  
“Whoops, forgot he hates speeding after the golf-cart ride.” Bill commented.

 “You think?” Mabel got out of the car with Dipper.

Bill shrugged and got out. “I don't know why he's freaking out, the tires are fine!”

**–**

“I'm just saying that you could _both_ do with learning a bit of customer service skills.” Mabel said as she watched a woman browse the shop. “You know, a 'please' and thank you' can go a long way on both ends.”

“Cosmos, she's being going on like this for an _hour_ now.” Bill groaned, running a hand down his face.

“I've been tuning it out.” Stan admitted as he adjusted an exhibit.

“I'll buy this.” The woman came over with a few trinkets, then gasped. “Ohh, these are nice bumper stickers! Hm, but I'd have to put something back...”

“Don't worry about it, it's on the house!” Mabel assured her, taking it out and putting it with her purchases.

“What?!” Stan cried out furiously.

The woman, clearly sensing something about to go down, paid for her purchases and left. Stan stomped over, looked around at the otherwise-empty shop, and then looked at Bill. “Man the shop! I'm going to have a talk with Mabel!” He headed through the “employees only” door.

“Yyyyyes, sir.” Bill gave a salute and went to take Mabel's place as she left the cash register. Mabel slapped a star-shaped sticker on the register that said “please” on it as she left it.

“Is Mabel in trouble?” Dipper asked him.

“Why don't you go listen in, I gotta work.” Bill shrugged.

Dipper nodded and dutifully sneaked over to listen in.

“You can't just _give_ items away, especially not without talking to me first! You giving away items is losing me money!” Stan scolded her.

“But you're already making them pay WAY more than this stuff is worth!” Mabel pointed out. “I think they deserve a free item now and then!”

“That's called 'running a business', Mabel.” Stan pinched his forehead.

“No, that's called being a scammer and a conman! I bet I could run this place better and get more profit by doing it honestly!” Mabel crossed her arms over her chest.

“Yeah? Well, I bet I can earn more _on vacation_ than you will running the shop!” Stan declared.

“Fine! But if I win, you have to start being nicer and stop scamming people! And you have to do a song and dance! Recorded!” Mabel aggressively pointed her finger at him.

“And if I win, you have to wear a shirt that says 'Mabel is wrong' for the rest of the summer. Every. Day!” Stan grinned. “And I'll make it the ugliest shirt EVER.”

Mabel shuddered. “Fine. You have a deal. Am I allowed to get outside help at all?”

“As long as it's not having money be given to you, sure!” Stan shrugged. “But you have to _earn_ every dollar! I'm going off to Vegas, and I'll be back in two days. That's 48 hours!” He headed for his room to pack.

“Wait, you're going NOW?!” Bill poked his head into the room with Dipper. With no customers coming, he'd come over to listen in.

“Yep! By the way, you're watching the kids.” Stan pointed at him before disappearing into his room.

Mabel looked at Bill. “...We'll manage it.”

Bill sighed. “Mabel...what did you do?”

“I'm going!” Stan headed out with his packed luggage, dressed for a vacation and not work. “See you in 48 hours, Mabel!” He grinned and shut the door.

Bill crossed his arms over his chest. “Should we call in Wendy and Soos? On their day off?”  
  
“No, no. It's not fair to them. We'll figure something out. Uhm, we need an amazing new exhibit, first of all, to draw in crowds. Bill, Dipper, I need ideas.”

“Can we ask Gideon to bring the fairies? Oh, we could capture the gnomes and put them in a cage!” Dipper said excitedly. “Or maybe--”

“Whoa, whoa, slow down there, buddy. Let's try not to do something that could go bad for us in the long-term. Fairies would be kidnapping people and doing pranks.” Bill shook his head. “Maybe we can look in the book, see what it's got?”

“Oh!” Dipper headed upstairs.

Bill looked back into the shop and then looked at Mabel. “So...day one.”

“I have no idea how I'm going to do this.” Mabel admitted. “I just got so...so upset, you know?”

“Yeah, I know.” Bill headed into the shop. ”But Stan's heading for Vegas. We gotta beat his number in 48 hours.”

“What do you suggest?” Mabel asked, walking in after him.

“Well...it might not be bad to host the Tent of Telepathy here. Do a joint-operation.” Bill rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “And I could whip up a bit of magic. Might be fun to bring out that copier like Stan thought of before. And let's put Wax Stan up as a temporary exhibit to greet the people that are going on tours.”

“Wow, you're just full of ideas.” Mabel commented. “But, what will we do with the copies?”

“Well, for a price, they could take the copies home with them. They just have to avoid getting them wet.” Bill grinned.

“A price? How much would a clone cost?” Mabel asked.

“How much do _you_ think a clone would cost?” Bill leaned against the doorway. “It's _your_ shop.”

“Hm...$20?” Mabel suggested.

“You pay more than that for a cat. Imagine the fun they could have with an extra copy of their kid.” Bill shook his head.

“Uhm...okay...$70?” Mabel suggested.

“The average price of a cat is around $100, depending on the location. And this isn't a cat, it's a copy of human life. How much would you pay for a copy of your brother?” Bill prodded her.

“If he really wanted it, I guess anything.” Mabel shrugged.

Bill sighed. “Let's go with $1000. Maybe they can get it for 15% cheaper if they buy a certain type of merchandise, like up to $50 worth of clothes.”

“Were you a salesperson?” Mabel asked.

“I've been lots of things, Star. I've lived for trillions of years.” Bill stood up straight and walked into the shop fully. “Anyways, let's close the shop for a few hours while we remodel.”

“Mabel!” Dipper came down with the 3rd Journal. “Can I have a little Mr. Mystery suit?”

“I'd have to make it.” Mabel looked thoughtful. “Hm...I wonder...let me call Gideon.” She pulled out her cell-phone. “Bill, can you set up Wax Stan and bring out the copier? There's a plug over by the window there.” She headed into the other room.

“Yes, ma'am.” Bill saluted and headed into Stan's office to get the copier first.

Dipper looked at them going different directions and frowned. “What do _I_ do?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dipper is so confused.
> 
> ((A.N.: Just a heads-up, with Christmas coming I won't be writing as often because I have to get ready for the Holidays. I will attempt to get out the next chapter of "Christmas with a Demon" in honor of the holiday, though. Happy Holidays, everyone!))


	42. Remodel!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan's taken off to Vegas, leaving Mabel to figure out how to avoid scamming the tourists to get the money she needs to win the bet!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“So, let me get this straight. You two had a disagreement, and so he left you two in the care of Bill and went off somewhere for 48 hours?” Gideon pinched the bridge of his nose and leaned back in the chair. “And you didn't call in your other two members of staff?”  
  
“Well...I thought it wouldn't be fair to mix them up in this.” Mabel said sheepishly.  
  
“Darlin', they work here. They're already mixed up in it. Give them a call, explain the situation, I'll bring in some of my staff to help out. And why is that out here?” He pointed to the copy machine Bill was pushing past them.  
  
“We're gonna let kids clone themselves and charge the parents to take the clones home! I've already made care pamphlets.” Bill grinned as he pushed it into the shop.  
  
“...I...suppose that's...” Gideon groaned. “No, no, we can't have anyone take anything supernatural out of Gravity Falls.”  
  
“Why not?” Dipper asked, climbing into a chair.  
  
“Because...” Gideon sighed heavily. “Do you know why the woods are so preserved? Why you never heard of gnomes really existing before now? Because we don't let tourists see the supernatural stuff. They'd freak out, call the government, or worse, bring in hunting parties. Bigfoot hasn't been seen around much because he's hiding from hunting parties. Multibear would be a great piece on someone's wall or floor. And if they can capture a fairy?”  
  
“Uhm...” Dipper frowned. “But, this machine isn't like them.”  
  
“We don't know HOW it works.” Gideon shook his head. “Maybe we--”  
  
“The copy machine was made by The Author and his lab assistant.” Bill came into the room. “It's not supernatural, it's the work of mad scientists. Maybe the natural magical energy of Gravity Falls made it a bit paranormal, but it's not supernatural. We can use the machine. But, you do have a point about Multibear. We'll find a way to do this without involving the creatures of Gravity Falls.” He leaned against the doorway.  
  
Gideon nodded. “I'll help by setting up my tent outside the building, we can split the earnings – my dad would be upset if he didn't get anything.”  
  
Mabel grinned. “Your dad and Stan are very alike, aren't they?”  
  
“Mmhm.” Gideon nodded. “I hope your parents don't check up on you while he's gone, though. They might come and pick you up if they find he's left you with a stranger.”  
  
“We'll figure something out.” Mabel shrugged.  
  
“We just don't let them know. I can imitate Stan's voice pretty good.” Bill grinned.  
  
“How much longer do you have before we need to do the spell again?” Gideon asked him.  
  
Bill looked at the clock on the wall. “About...10 hours.”  
  
“After closing time, we'll call everyone in.” Mabel assured him.  
  
“Good idea. For now, let's focus on the present. I'll call my father, you call Wendy and Jesus.” Gideon got off the chair and pulled out his cell-phone.  
  
Mabel sighed. “Sorry, Wendy.” She said quietly.  
  
“Don't you dare apologize, darlin'. It's not your fault that Stan decided to be immature.” Gideon told her as he dialed his father's number. “You had a point, customer service is important. They came all this way, why not reward them for it? Especially if they make a big purchase.”  
  
Mabel smiled brightly. “I knew I wasn't wrong. Okay.” She picked up the phone and dialed Wendy's number.  
  
 **–**  
  
“So, what if the clone decides to try to kill the original?” Wendy asked, leaning on the copy machine casually. “Like what apparently happened with Mabel?”  
  
“They didn't try to _kill_ me.” Mabel shook her head.  
  
“Well, then we have detailed in this handy pamphlet how to destroy the clone if such a thing were to occur.” Bill patted the stack of pamphlets set up next to the machine. “Just douse both the little darlings and the one that doesn't melt away in a nightmarish way is the real one!”  
  
“Maybe leave out the part about the nightmare-inducing melting.” Gideon commented.  
  
“Too late, it's in there. Besides, it's better to warn people about this.” He shrugged.  
  
“Let me read this.” Gideon picked one up and read over it. “'Invented by S & F'...who are S and F?” He looked at Bill.  
  
“The first letters of the inventors' names, that's who.” Bill shrugged.  
  
“F? Oh! F is in the book!” Dipper spoke up excitedly. “The Author mentions F a few times!”  
  
“Yeah, he sure does!” Bill nodded. “Good job remembering, kid!” He rubbed his head affectionately.  
  
“We're gonna bring Tyrone up here to help show off how perfect a copy it makes, before the kids decide if they wanna try it out!” Dipper smiled. “That'll help the parents decide if it's worth the money before the kids see their copy!”  
  
“Smart thinking. A display model is a good idea. Speaking of display...” Gideon looked at Wax Stan holding a sign that said “TOURS” on it. “Don't you think that's a bit creepy?”  
  
“Nope.” Bill shook his head. “I mean, it was for a while, but I got over it.”  
  
“Why would a wax statue be creepy to a demon?” Mabel asked him.  
  
“Nevermind, I'll explain sometime.” Bill waved it off.  
  
“Wendy!” Robbie called, entering the shop. “Hey, I thought it was your day off? Why did your dad say you were here?”  
  
“I thought we had that door locked for set-up?” Bill looked at Dipper.  
  
“Don't look at me, I can barely reach it!” Dipper shrugged.  
  
“I left it unlocked for my staff to get in.” Gideon said, then looked at Robbie. “There's been a work emergency, all hands on-deck.”  
  
“Aww, rats.” Robbie kicked at the floor. “What time you get off?”  
  
“Closing time.” Wendy shrugged. “See ya, Rob.”  
  
“No, actually, why doesn't he stay?” Bill grinned. “He can try out the machine.”  
  
“Will teenagers fit on it?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Uhh, what machine?” Robbie asked nervously.  
  
“Relax, it's harmless. The radiation levels are no higher than a phone.” Bill assured him. “You might have to curl up on it, though.”  
  
“Can I...pass on that?” Robbie looked at the machine nervously.  
  
“Don't worry, I've used it!” Dipper assured him. “Oh, you should meet Tyrone! Let me go get him, he's in my room!” He headed upstairs.  
  
“Can I just...go?” Robbie asked, watching Dipper go.  
  
“Eh, yeah. Sure. Go away. You're creepy.” Bill waved him off.  
  
“Bill!” Mabel shook her head.  
  
“What? He's not buying anything, he's just loitering. I have no customer service mask for loiterers.” Bill shrugged.  
  
“Well, you could...help out.” Wendy suggested with a smile. “Work the shop with me?”  
  
Robbie considered it. “...Okay, but I'm storing my guitar in your back room, okay?”  
  
“You mean the house?” Bill asked.  
  
“Yeah. That.” Robbie pulled out his cell-phone. “Let me call the guys, tell them what's going on. Maybe we can get them to help, too. I mean, the more the merrier, right?”  
  
“We're already going to have my staff helping, but sure. Feel like playing for the customers?” Gideon asked.  
  
Robbie looked thoughtful. “...Can I get tips?”  
  
“We can set up a tip jar. Just don't scare off the customers, play something not heavy metal.” Gideon suggested. “Can you do that?”  
  
“Sure. So, what is this for, anyway?” Robbie asked.  
  
“A bet with Stan. If I get more money by not scamming people than Stan would get by scamming people, then he has to do a song and dance and be nicer! Also, we're recording the song and dance.” Mabel grinned.  
  
Robbie grinned. “I'm SO in. I want a copy of the video, too.”  
  
“Let's do this!” Bill cheered.  
  
Dipper came down. “Robbie! This is Tyrone, he's my clone!” He gestured to him.  
  
“Hi!” Tyrone smiled.  
  
“There's a 2 on your hat instead of a tree. Hah, that's cute.” Robbie nodded. “Anyways, I better get my equipment. How long do we have?”  
  
“Two days.” Bill nodded. “Looks like we got a bus pulling in, let's get to work!”  
  
“Work!” Dipper and Tyrone threw their hands in the air.  
  
“I'll be back.” Robbie did finger-guns and headed out.  
  
“See? We don't have to traumatize the tourists or endanger the local feyfolk.” Gideon said, looking at Dipper  
  
“Oookay.” Dipper nodded.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When the old man's humiliation is at stake, everyone wants to chip in!
> 
> ((A.N.: Gideon pronounced Soos's name as "Hey-soos", I just can't make the little Hispanic thingie for the proper spelling. He didn't pronounce it Jee-zus.))


	43. Progress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The new system is in full-swing and Mabel's customers are loving it! Meanwhile, Stan is being watched by someone who recognizes his license plate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Wow, people are really enjoying the new stuff.” Bill commented as he watched someone hand Dipper money for a clone of their kid. Robbie's music was playing loud and clear outside and chairs had been bought by Gideon and brought in so people didn't have to sit on the grass to watch him. Meanwhile, Gideon was doing his own show and the whole yard was packed with customers of both shops.  
  
“It's amazing, we're already almost at our quota!” Mabel said excitedly. “And no one's been scammed or tricked or anything!”  
  
“Look alive, a group's heading for the tour.” Wendy said, nodding to Bill.  
  
“Whoops, that's my cue.” Bill adjusted his bow-tie and headed over. “Good day, everyone! Welcome to the Mystery Shack!”  
  
Soos showed someone a cool-looking trinket and then walked with them to the register. “And if you spend up to $30, you get a bumper sticker for free!”  
  
“Ohh! I better look around more, then!” The woman said, going back to the shelves.  
  
“Closing time soon.” Mabel looked at her watch. “I can't believe how busy we've been all day!”  
  
“And it's only Day 1.” Wendy reminded her.  
  
“Stan is going to dance his feet off.” Mabel rubbed her hands excitedly.

 

**–  
  
** Stan pulled up to park and ran his hands through his hair. “Okay...pride at stake here, let's get this over with. It's been a while since I came in here, but I think I still got it.” He grabbed his bag and got out, heading for the doors. The valet came forward and he handed over his car keys before watching the car be driven to the garage. “Here we go, Stan. Time to play.” He cracked his knuckles and headed in to check into the attached hotel.  
  
 **–  
  
** “Now, there's something I haven't seen in years.” A middle-aged man murmured to himself in Spanish as he watched the valet park a red car that had “STNLYMBL” on the license-plate. “But I heard he was dead. How is this possible?” He turned to one of the other men in the room. “Find out who owns that car and keep an eye on them.”  
  
“Senor?” The other man questioned curiously.  
  
“Did I stutter? Go!” He waved his hand and the man headed out to investigate. Then he sat down in a chair and changed the cameras, searching the crowd of people. It couldn't be...but who else _could_ it be?  
  
 **–  
  
** The plan was perfect, foolproof even. He'd win just enough in one place to keep under the casino's radar, then move on to another place. He'd done it before and he would do it again. But, was that enough? He needed to somehow let Mabel know how he was doing. Wasn't there a game-show he could join? He spotted a pay-phone and considered checking in at home, but decided that Bill had things well in hand (probably) and made his way to the tables to start his plan  
  
 **–**  
  
“I'm bushed.” Mabel flopped onto the couch.  
  
“You've had a busy day. And even after the shop closed, you had to use magic to help Bill.” Gideon sat down next to her. “At least that's only every 48 hours.”  
  
“Sorry it's not longer.” Bill looked over from helping Dipper put together a puzzle. “I don't have that much power, even with all the kids in this town.”  
  
“It's alright, Bill.” Mabel smiled. “We understand.” She looked at Gideon. “Thanks for helping out.”  
  
“You know I'm always happy to, darlin'.” Gideon grinned.  
  
Mabel looked towards the phone. “...Think he's gonna call?”  
  
“Who, Stan?” Bill shrugged. “Guy like that, I doubt it.”  
  
“Why doesn't he have a cell-phone?” Gideon asked. “It's the 2000s, everyone has one!”  
  
“Because he doesn't understand them.” Mabel shrugged. “I guess?”  
  
“That's it. I'm buying the old man a phone.” Gideon rolled his eyes. “If my father can figure out a cell-phone, then so can he!”  
  
“Do you think he'll accept it?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Free stuff? Sure, as long as he doesn't have to pay for it's upkeep.” Bill laughed.  
  
“It's worth a shot. I'll surprise him with it when he gets back.” Gideon nodded.  
  
“Are you going to put him on the family plan?” Mabel asked, then blushed. “Uh, nevermind.”  
  
“He's not family – yet.” Gideon blushed a bit. “So, I legally can't.”  
  
“Yeah, silly suggestion.” Mabel nodded, kicking her legs a bit as she ran a hand through her hair shyly.  
  
“We've still got a few years yet, darlin'. I haven't even met your parents yet.” Gideon placed his hand on hers.  
  
“Maybe you can come see us in California. Maybe for Thanksgiving.” Mabel smiled at him.  
  
“Are you guys getting mushy?” Dipper made a face.  
  
“I think it's time for little kids to go to bed.” Bill laughed. “Sorry, Gideon, I gotta get these kids in bed on time. See you tomorrow?”  
  
Gideon nodded and hopped off the couch. “Of course. Mabel, walk me out?”  
  
“Sure!” Mabel hopped down and walked out with him, hand-in-hand.  
  
“He's sure come a long way.” Bill hummed, picking Dipper up. “C'mon, kiddo. Let's change you for bed. How about the rhino print, with the hood?”  
  
“Yeah!” Dipper cheered. “And can you read me a story?”  
  
“How about I read from the 3rd Journal?” Bill suggested with a grin. “I think it's time you learned about... _the Gremoblin_.” Bill said the last two sentences in a spooky voice.  
  
“Ohhh!” Dipper clung to him. “Sounds scary!”  
  
Mabel looked over as they climbed up the stairs and then turned back to Gideon. “Well...see you tomorrow.”  
  
“I'll be here for breakfast.” Gideon smiled and then started to reluctantly release her hand.  
  
Mabel moved closer and kissed his cheek before hugging him. “I'll make pancakes.”  
  
“I'll look forward to them.” Gideon released her hand and then headed for where his father waited with the limo. “Good night, darlin' Mabel!”  
  
“Sleep well, Gideon!” Mabel waved until they were out of sight. Then she headed upstairs to see what Dipper and Bill were up to.  
  
“Do you think F is okay? I mean, he went through a lot of scary stuff.” Dipper was asking as she came in.  
  
“F is still alive, don't worry.” Bill assured him. “He's a little bit traumatized, but he's alive.”  
  
“Oh, good. Did you use your Sight?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Heh, didn't have to. I've seen him around.” Bill shrugged.  
  
Dipper yawned. “Really? Can you introduce us sometime?”  
  
“Sure, kiddo. Sometime.” Bill lay him down and tucked him in. “Get some sleep, now. We've all got work tomorrow.”  
  
“We sold a lot of clones today.” Dipper smiled.  
  
“Mmhm. You were a great little salesperson.” Bill rubbed his head and then looked over art Mabel. “I'm gonna step out so you can change.”  
  
“You don't have to, Stan's gone.” Mabel shrugged.  
  
“Nah, I can't break the habit.” Bill waved his hand dismissively and stepped out of the room. “G'night, kids!”  
  
“Good night, Bill!” They called out in unison.  
  
Bill smiled and then made his way downstairs, heading for the couch. He paused at the door and turned to the giftshop, then headed into the basement.  
  
“Is it time to sleep, Mr. Cipher?” Tyrone asked as he came into the basement.  
  
“Yep. Sleep well, Tyrone. You did good today.” Bill walked over to the tarp and pulled it back, looking at the damaged portal.  
  
He could destroy it now...make it so it would never work again...but Stan would know it was him. He'd never trust him again. But, what would they think of him when Stan got what he wanted? The kids would be sent away for their safety, probably. He'd be left behind to deal with the inevitable mess from the portal opening again.  
  
“Bill?”  
  
Bill jolted and looked over his shoulder to see who had spoken. Mabel was standing by the elevator in her nightgown. “Shooting Star, you should be going to sleep. Pine Tree still up?”  
  
“No, he's asleep.” She shook her head. “I was...hoping you could use your Sight to check on Grunkle Stan. I'm worried about him.”  
  
“Ol' Fez-head is fine, kiddo. But, if it'll help you sleep better, I'll check.” He brought his hands up to his eye to form a triangle around it and focused on Stan. “Looks like he's winning big at the tables. Getting some flirtatious looks too, but I think we can trust him to be faithful to Susan.”  
  
Mabel looked past Bill at the portal. “Where did you say that leads?”  
  
“One question at a time, kid.” Bill lowered his hands. “The portal used to lead to another world. But, as I said, it's broken now.”  
  
“Looks like someone's been doing work on it.” Mabel noted, walking over to get closer to it.  
  
“Whoa, careful.” Bill moved in front of her. “This thing is unpredictable. It could spark at any moment and you could get electrocuted!”  
  
Mabel nodded, stepping back. “Well, thanks for checking on him for me. Good night, Bill. Don't stay up too late.” She headed for the elevator.  
  
“Hey, hold up. I'm coming up with you.” Bill followed her to the elevator.  
  
“Good night!” Tyrone called from his cot.  
  
The elevator door closed and they started to go up to the main floor.  
  
“Bill?” Mabel took his gloved hand in her smaller one. “I'm glad you're here. You've been a great help to all of us. You're a good person.”  
  
Bill looked at their hands and then glanced to the side. “Hey, no one's perfect. I've got a dark side, too.”  
  
“Sure, dark like chocolate.” Mabel giggled.  
  
Bill gave her a wry smile and then stepped out of the elevator when it opened. “Sleep well, Shooting Star.”  
  
“Sleep well, Bill.” Mabel waved as she headed for the stairs.  
  
Bill watched her go and then looked at his gloved hands. “...'Dark like chocolate', huh?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dark chocolate, bitter and sweet.


	44. Watched

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While things are going well at home, Stan is feeling like he's not so safe in Las Vegas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Rise and shine!” Bill said cheerfully as he opened the door. “I made waffles, come and get 'em while they're hot! By the way, Gideon called and said he's on his way with his staff to start the new day, Red called and said that there was an unfortunate incident with her father showing off with the wooden couch at their house and her leg and she's in the hospital and Question Mark is already here.”  
  
“We better pay her a visit when we close.” Mabel decided as she climbed out of bed and went to shake Dipper awake. “C'mon, brobro. Wake up.”  
  
“I'll worry about him, you get a shower and dressed.” Bill said, walking over to Dipper's bed. “I gave Waddles a bath earlier, by the way, though I imagine he'll be messy again by lunch.”  
  
“Is Robbie coming?” Mabel asked.  
  
“I called his cell, he said he's gonna visit Wendy in the hospital and then come over.” Bill lifted Dipper out of bed and shook his gently. “Wake up, kiddo. Don't make me go into your mind and nag you awake.”  
  
Mabel smiled and went to pick out her clothes for the day before leaving the room with them.  
  
 **–**  
  
“An accident at home? I'm sure she's pretty down about being laid up, she's been really enjoying how the shop is being run now.” Gideon said after being told what happened.  
  
“Yeah, we'll go pay her a visit after closing time. Join us?” Mabel asked as Bill served up plates for the group.  
  
“Should we bring flowers?” Soos asked as he took his plate. “Thanks, Bill!”  
  
Bill gave a two-fingered salute and went back to serving.  
  
“I think Robbie's got that covered, but if you want to we can.” Mabel smiled at Soos.  
  
“Mabel, the syrup's stuck closed.” Dipper said, holding it out to her.  
  
“Oh, let me at it.” Mabel took it and popped the lid open. “There you go, little bro.”  
  
Dipper smiled and took it back, pouring it on his waffles. “Thanks!”  
  
“Did you check on Stan yet today?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Last I checked, he was asleep in his hotel room. I'll give him another peek before we open up shop.” Bill promised as he took his seat and started to spread blueberry jam on his waffles.  
  
“Want syrup?” Dipper offered, holding it out.  
  
“Nah, I got jam.” Bill held up the jar and went back to spreading.  
  
“I'll have to leave early today.” Gideon admitted. “I got notice of trouble between the Manotaurs and the fairies. Something about encroaching on territory, I have to try to solve things peacefully.”  
  
“It's not easy, is it?” Mabel asked. “What if you can't solve things peacefully?”  
  
“Then I use magic to keep them in their respective areas.” Gideon sighed. “It'll piss them off, but at least they wouldn't be encroaching on each other's space.”  
  
“Can we meet the fairies sometime?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Sometime, not now. You have to focus on the shop.” Gideon chuckled. “Though, you've already gotten pretty far on just the first day. You'll do fine without me.” He placed his hand on Mabel's.  
  
Mabel nodded. “Good luck with the encroaching.”  
  
“How's the food?” Bill asked cheerfully.  
  
“It's great! Did Tyrone get food?” Dipper asked.  
  
“He came up for a couple waffles earlier, but then went back down. He found some old notebooks that he's really interested in.” Bill nodded, bringing a piece of waffle to his lips. “He'll come back up for work, don't worry.”  
  
Dipper nodded. “That's good.”  
  
Mabel looked at the clock. “Oh, store opens in a half-hour. Let's finish this and get ready to work!”  
  
 **–**  
  
Stan's alarm went off at 9:00am and he sat up, staring blearily. Why did he set the alarm for so early again? Oh yeah, there was that one place he wanted to go to for breakfast. Then he was going to look around and pick the next casino to move to. This one was starting to creep him out, anyway. He could feel eyes on him even when he wasn't breaking any rules. And when he looked, he didn't see anyone. It felt so familiar, though. Was it an ex? Ugh, he'd hate to run into any of those. He was happily with Susan, no room in his heart for old flames anymore. He turned on the TV and listened to the traffic news as he got dressed.  
  
There was a knock at the door and he looked over with concern, paranoia acting up. At least, he hoped it was just paranoia. He walked over and stood next to the door. “Yes?”  
  
“The casino sends you a gift, Mr. Pines. I just need you to sign for it.”  
  
“A gift?” He opened the door a bit and peeked out. The woman was holding a basket full of goodies, and he didn't see anything suspicious in the bunch. He shrugged and released the chain, opening the door a bit wider. “Alright, where do I sign?”  
  
 **–**  
  
“Here's his signature, senor Rico.” The woman said in Spanish, walking into the casino's security room. “As you ordered.”  
  
He took it and nodded. “Good work. Go back to work now, Magenta.”  
  
She turned and headed of. Rico moved to a file cabinet and started to leaf through the folders, glancing at the signature. It didn't LOOK the same, but he could just be remembering wrong. But, even so, didn't he say he had a brother? Maybe this was the brother. And Rico didn't like having unpaid debts. He found the folder he wanted and pulled it out, opening it up.  
  
“Is it him?” The other man in the room asked.  
  
“Hm...doesn't seem to be.” Rico shook his head. “But, he might be able to help me, anyway. It seems that we truly have lost him, but fortune and fate has shown us his brother.”  
  
“So, when do we strike?” The man asked excitedly.  
  
“We don't. Give me time to come up with a plan.” He put the folder back and closed the file cabinet. “Let's let him do what he wants and then find out where he goes when he leaves.”  
  
“You mean where he lives? Can't we just check his card details?” The man asked.  
  
“He's not using a debit card, you fool, he's using _cash only_.” Rico gripped his cane tightly, shaking with irritation. “A trick I expect he learned from his brother!”  
  
“Or he's just really old-fashioned, like someone else I know.” The man muttered in English, hoping his Hispanic boss wouldn't understand him. He heard the cock of a gun and froze up. “S-Sorry, senor!” He said in Spanish.  
  
“You're lucky you're still of use, idiot nephew of mine.” Rico said, putting the safety back on and putting his gun back in his jacket. “Find out all you can about Stanford Pines.” He looked back at the cameras.  
  
“Si, senor...” His nephew said nervously as he sat down at a laptop and pulled up an internet browser.  
  
 **–**  
  
“I gotta say, Stan would have to be an idiot to change things back.” Bill remarked as the last of the customers slipped out the door. “It's a very lucrative operation. You're quite the saleswoman, Mabel Pines.”  
  
“Oh, stop it.” Mabel grinned. “I wouldn't have been able to do all this if it wasn't for the help of you and Gideon.”  
  
“What's 'lucrative' mean?” Dipper asked.  
  
“It means you get a lot of money from it.” Bill said simply, then walked over to flip the sign. “Alright, shop is closed. Let's go visit Red in the hospital.”  
  
“Do you think she'd want me to bring a stuffed animal for her to hold?” Dipper asked.  
  
“She might like that.” Mabel smiled.  
  
“Okay, be right back.” Dipper ran upstairs.  
  
Mabel looked at the door. “I was hoping Gideon would be back by the time we closed...I'll give him a call.”  
  
“Better not. He might have his phone off, anyway. He's in a meeting, remember?” Bill reminded her. “Peace talks can take a while.”  
  
Mabel nodded. “I'll send him a text, anyway.”  
  
“That's a better idea.” Bill nodded, then turned to Soos. “Can you take us in your truck? Stan took the car.”  
  
“No problem, dude.” Soos gave a thumbs-up and went to start up the truck.  
  
Dipper came down with an armful of toys. “I couldn't decide what she'd like more.”  
  
“Uhh, pick the bear.” Bill suggested. “C'mon, let's put the others back. Tyrone, you coming?”  
  
Tyrone looked out the window and shook his head. “Looks like it might rain. I'm going back to the basement to read.”  
  
“You're turning into a nerd.” Mabel grinned at him.  
  
Tyrone shrugged and headed into the basement. Bill looked at Dipper and shrugged. “So, about putting most of these back?”  
  
“Ooookay.” Dipper nodded, heading back upstairs.  
  
 **–**  
  
“Miss Corduroy, you have more visitors.” The nurse said, opening the door.  
  
“Hi, Wendy!” Dipper said cheerfully as he came in with Bill, Soos and Mabel. “We missed you today!”  
  
“Hey, guys!” Wendy waved from her bed. “It's really nice of you to come and visit. Robbie came earlier, but then had to leave to work at the shop. Did everything go okay?”  
  
“Everything was fine.” Bill assured her. “I know you're worried about the kids, but they're in good hands – mine.” He wriggled his fingers at her and grinned.  
  
Wendy nodded. “Robbie said he'd have to go straight home after closing time, so I'm not surprised he's not here. I _am_ surprised Gideon isn't here, though.”  
  
“He had some really important stuff to take care of.” Dipper walked over and put his teddy bear on the bed. “Here, I brought Mr. Brown to help you feel better! He's a doctor, you know!”  
  
Wendy laughed and took the bear. “Thanks, dude. I'll definitely get better quickly with this guy helping.” She looked at Mabel. “When's Stan getting back in town?”  
  
“When the 48 hours are up.” Mabel shrugged. “Probably tomorrow or the day after.”  
  
“He'll probably visit when he gets in, we'll let him know when he gets back.” Bill nodded.  
  
“He hasn't called?” Wendy looked concerned.  
  
“No, but he's fine. I keep checking on him when I get a free moment.” Bill assured her. “It's sweet of you to worry, though.”  
  
Wendy smiled and looked at Mr. Brown. “He's been there for me since I was a kid. When I got picked on for being too tall, he told off the kids and said that I wasn't weird, I was special and destined for greatness.” She chuckled. “It made me smile, but I think he was talking out of his ass.”  
  
“Careful, Shooting Star hates it when people swear.” Bill said, dodging a playful swipe from Mabel.  
  
“Stan's a sweet guy.” Mabel nodded. “Even if he says he's not.”  
  
 **–**  
  
Did he really need to do this? He already got lots of cash from the gambling, and one wrong answer and he could lose everything. It's not like he couldn't just gloat when he got home. Plus, the feeling of being watched was ever-present and he was getting the feeling it wasn't an ex. He decided it was time to just cash out and go home. After all, there was no way that Mabel could collect what he'd gotten in just 48 hours. After all, she was just a little girl that was too nice for her own good.  
  
He headed for the hotel and started to pack up, glancing at the gift basket thoughtfully before sighing. “Might as well pop into the gift shop.” He decided, closing his suitcase and securing it with the several locks he put on it.  
  
He carried his bag with him to the gift shop, glancing around as he went, and then went to look at different things. The casino didn't really have much that kids would be interested in, mostly souvenir things, but he did pick up a pretty pen for Mabel that would click into different colors and a souvenir shirt with an overhead view of Las Vegas on the front for Dipper. He noticed a replica of a Spanish doubloon on a keychain and picked it up.  
  
“Bill might like this.” He hummed to himself. It was strange how he'd grown so fond of the demon that he was considering getting him gifts. Well, he WAS watching the kids, and he DID live in his house. Speaking of which, he'd have to buy Tyrone rain gear if the kid was gonna go outside at all.  
  
He brought the items to the counter and bought them, then headed over to the hotel desk to check out.  
  
“Thank you for your stay.” The woman from before said as he paid for his stay. Then he headed out the valet, looking forward to being back in his car. He was feeling really wary the longer he stayed here. The feeling was too familiar, dangerously so. He couldn't wait to be back home with the kids and his shop.  
  
 **–**  
  
“Why is the Tent of Telepathy in my yard?” Stan asked when he stepped back into the house.  
  
“Grunkle Stan!” Mabel grinned, sitting next to the full jar of money. “The moment of truth! Let's count our earnings!”  
  
Stan set down his suitcase. “Alright, then! Bill, we need a neutral party. Can you do it?”  
  
“Whaaaat?” Bill looked over from stirring a pot. “I'm cooking! Ask Dipper, it can't be harder than counting Monopoly money!”  
  
“Please, Bill? This is serious.” Mabel nodded firmly.  
  
“Uggggh.” Bill sighed heavily. “Hold on.” He clapped his hands together and focused before his image started to blur and then he split into two Bills. “There. One of us will cook, the other will count.” He went back to cooking.  
  
“Does that affect your physical form duration?” Stan frowned worriedly.  
  
“Not sure, I've never tried it before.” The second Bill admitted as he started to count Mabel's pile first.  
  
“Where's Dipper?” Stan asked.  
  
“He's playing with Tyrone in the basement.” Bill said. “Stop talking, you're distracting.”  
  
“Oh, sorry.” Stan nodded, sitting back as Bill continued to count money at a quick pace.  
  
After several tense, silent minutes, with only the sound of the spoon stirring and money being counted, Bill finally set down the last stack and looked at Stan. “It was very close, but Mabel beat you by ten dollars.”  
  
“Ten dollars! That IS close!” Mabel gasped.  
  
“Wow! You earned THAT MUCH?!” Stan looked at her. “Gideon didn't give you money, did he?”  
  
“No, we just combined our businesses. The Tent of Telepathy got money too, of course. And Robbie got tips for performing and drawing in more crowds! And people bought lots of clones!” Mabel said excitedly.  
  
“Wait, Robbie? Clones? What did you do?” Stan got up and went to the gift shop. “Whoa!”  
  
“Isn't it great? People love it!” Mabel went out to join him.  
  
Stan picked up one of the pamphlets. “It's pretty amazing, alright! Hey, who wrote the pamphlets?”  
  
“Bill did.” Mabel nodded.  
  
“Heh, pretty good.” Stan put the pamphlet down and looked around. “You know, I think I'll keep it this way. And here I was thinking you'd try to find some show-stopping monster.”  
  
“Gideon convinced us not to.” Mabel admitted. “Said that it would lead to trouble later if the tourists started talking about seeing gnomes and the government came to investigate.”  
  
“Yeesh, yeah.” Stan nodded. “Good call, Gideon. Where is he, anyway?”  
  
“Fairy business.” Mabel shrugged. “I still want to actually meet them.”  
  
“Not the barf fairies, though.” Bill commented, stepping into the giftshop. “Feel like helping me set the table? By the way, Red's in the hospital.”  
  
“Red?” Stan asked.  
  
“Wendy. There was an accident at her house and her leg got crushed by a couch.” Mabel explained.  
  
“Oh, man.” Stan cringed. “I'll pay her a visit soon.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And then Stan had to dance and it was recorded and copies were sold for a limited time.


	45. The Pit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that Stan is back, the group decide to investigate the bottomless pit in his backyard and when the group falls in, it's story time!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“So....we need to discuss the elephant in the room.” Stan said during breakfast. It was one of their days off, and they were going to take it easy. “That pit in the backyard. What is it?”  
  
“I thought I already said.” Bill shrugged.  
  
“Well, is it dangerous? Should we fill it?” Stan asked.  
  
“Haha, fill it? _Fill_ a bottomless pit? You'd be at that task for a trillion years and still not manage it. Bottomless pits can't be filled.” Bill shook his head.  
  
“Can we cover it, then? Put a magic barrier around it?” Stan asked.  
  
“I dunno, I'd have to examine it closely. Sometimes you have to figure out the energy of something before you can figure out what wards or barriers will work on it.”  
  
“So, let's go do that!” Dipper spoke up with a grin.  
  
“Right, okay. While we're going there, anyone have junk they wanna dump inside?” Stan stood up.  
  
“Can we dump the creepy guy's head that's bouncing around?” Dipper asked.  
  
“If we can catch it.” Bill shrugged. “Hey, let's dump Wax Stan and see if he comes back!”  
  
“No!” Stan and Mabel said in unison.  
  
“Yeah, I figured.” Bill looked to the side.  
  
“Can we find Jeff and dump him?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Why do you keep suggesting things we have to chase?” Stan asked.  
  
Waddles oinked and came up to the table. Dipper looked at him with a serious expression. “Can we--”  
  
“No, we're not dumping Waddles in just to see if he comes back.” Mabel said, cutting him off.  
  
“Okay, real talk. Before we dump anything else in this thing, we need to figure out how it works.” Bill stood up. “C'mon, let's head out and look at this thing.”  
  
They got outside and saw Soos in the yard. “Oh, are you going out?” Soos asked.  
  
“We're gonna check out the creepy pit! Wanna come?” Dipper asked cheerfully.  
  
“Sure!” Soos walked over to join them.  
  
“Okay, everyone keep your distance.” Bill said, kneeling next to the pit and placing his hand on the ground. He closed his eye and then opened it, the eye now glowing brightly.  
  
“How long is this gonna take?” Stan asked.  
  
“Hm...it's a weird energy...not any I've encountered before.” Bill admitted. “I might need to somehow take a sample and—hhngh?!” He felt a tug on his body and started to fall forward.  
  
“Bill!” Dipper ran over and grabbed his coat, but then he felt a tug. “Uh! Mabel!”  
  
“Dipper, Bill! Stan, Soos, help me!” Mabel ran over and grabbed onto Dipper, Stan and Soos right behind them. They started to pull away from the pit, but then a wind blew and knocked Stan and Soos in, pushing the others inside ahead of them.  
  
“Whooooooa!” They cried out as they went in, falling into the darkness.  
  
“Ahhhh~! Ahhhh! Ahhhh! Aaaaaaaaahhhh....how long are we going to fall?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Well, according to the Author's notes, about a half-hour? If he was accurate.” Bill sighed heavily.  
  
“Can't you fly up?” Dipper asked.  
  
“I already tried. Whatever it is, it's connected to the barrier keeping me in Gravity Falls.” Bill shook his head. “We're stuck here.”  
  
“Well...story-time?” Mabel suggested.  
  
“Story-time? I guess we can tell stories. True stories or fake?” Stan asked.  
  
“Does it matter?” Dipper shrugged, then looked at Bill. “Tell us a story!”  
  
“Uh...I don't know if you want to hear my stories.” Bill shook his head.  
  
“Come on, please?” Mabel asked.  
  
Bill sighed heavily. “What kind?”  
  
“A true story! Tell us something about your past!” Dipper said excitedly.  
  
“Hey, now. Don't push him.” Stan said, frowning.  
  
“My...past.” Bill sighed. “Okay, but it's not gonna be a nice story. Feel free to tell me when you want me to stop.”  
  
“Okay.” Dipper nodded.  
  
Bill looked at him and then nodded, looking at the group as a whole. “Once upon a time, there was a man. This man had gone against the rules of a cold-hearted society that looked down upon anything imperfect and worshiped anything perfect. As one of the 'perfect' ones, the man was put up on a pedestal – but he destroyed it. Willingly. He tore down their expectations, tore apart that society and killed millions of the cold-hearted ones for the sake of those that were beaten down. Did he regret it? No, not really. He hated how things were, so he changed them. But, the law didn't like that.”  
  
Bill took a deep breath and then released it. “The law chased this man everywhere, from planet to planet and dimension to dimension, tracking him down for his crimes. As he fled the law, the man found others like him, rebels that had fought society and were being punished for it. But, the law was absolute. They tracked down these rebels to a decaying dimension and sealed them inside, letting them die with the dimension.”  
  
He looked up at the small view of the sky above. “But, the rebels didn't give up. The man had a power, an ability that would allow him to leave his body and go into others' minds. And so he left his body and searched far and wide for someone that could open up the dimension and free them. And, after so many years, after leaving hints and signs and messages, he finally found someone.”  
  
“The Author?” Dipper asked excitedly in a stage whisper.  
  
“The man worked with his new partner to create a portal, planning to aim it at the dimension and let the rebels out. But...the partner suddenly turned on the man. His assistant had found out that the man wasn't what he claimed to be, that he was a demon, and left the project. In retaliation, the partner turned on the man--demon--sealing him away with a spell from the partner's world. Then, while trying to take apart the portal for good, the portal activated and the treacherous human was sucked inside, gone forever.” Bill pursed his lips. “For thirty years, the demon languished. Time had never seemed so slow before and, without his powers, he couldn't do anything to try to speed things up. He was blind, powerless, trapped. He couldn't even contact his friends in the decaying dimension, where his physical form was waiting for him, solid stone.”  
  
“Wow.” Mabel breathed. “That's so...so sad.”  
  
“Eh, it's got a happy interlude. Maybe not a happy ending, but we'll see.” Bill shrugged. “After thirty years, he got found by a rascal of a kid and his bossy sister!” He grabbed onto Dipper and gave him a playful noogie. “And, so far, he's enjoying his time here. Even if he never gets back to his physical form, he's happy.”  
  
“Aww, we're happy to be with you, too!” Mabel smiled.  
  
“That was such an intense story!” Soos said. “Rebels battling against a bad system! Fighting for the lower man! I knew you was a good guy, Bill!”  
  
“Did you miss the part where I killed a bunch of people?” Bill asked him, raising his visible eyebrow.  
  
“Well, that took about...” Stan looked at his watch. “Ten minutes. Anyone got another story?”  
  
“Oh, me! Me!” Mabel held up a hand.  
  
“True story or fake?” Stan asked.  
  
“Does it matter?” Mabel shrugged. “But, this is a true story. And it's the story about when I had a bet with Abigail Kringle.”  
  
“Abiwho?” Stan asked.  
  
“She's someone in my class at school. And the bet was this: It was Halloween night, and Dipper was at home with a cold. I couldn't go out alone, so my parents asked Abigail's parents if I could go with her and her friends. Our parents were coworkers.” She explained, then continued. “Well, I went with them, and we went from house to house, until we reached this one really creepy house. Anyone who got near that house would run away screaming and have nightmares for months to come, or disappear _forever_.” She said the last word in a conspiring tone.  
  
“So, what happened?” Bill asked.  
  
“The bet was for me to go up to the door and ask for candy, and if I lost I would have to cut my hair in the most boyish hairstyle, and it couldn't be a clean job, either! No salon; Abigail would cut my hair herself! And she is HORRIBLE with scissors. Can't cut straight to save her life.” Mabel shuddered. “Anyways, as you can imagine, I took the bet and walked up to the door. And I knocked. For a bit, there was no answer. And then, the door opened...by itself! There was a bowl of candy in plain view just inside, but I've seen enough Ducktective to recognize a trap! So, I took off one of my shoes and moved it just past the door, using the broom from my witch costume to push it. As I thought, a hand started to reach for my shoe – from the floor! I screamed and slammed my broom on that hand, over and over! Then the floor opened up and this creepy man came out! So I turned my broom around and started to hit him with the handle! I hit him and hit him, but he kept reaching for me! Abigail had run off and I could hear sirens so she must've called the police. Then my broom broke and the man touched my leg and...” She paused dramatically. “I woke up in the hospital, they said I'd hit my head. There was no sign of the man when the police went to check, or the candy bowl, even though Abigail and the other girls saw it just like I did!”  
  
“I remember you being in the hospital!” Dipper said, nodding. “Mom was so worried when she found out and thought you'd been hurt by one of the other girls!”  
  
“Nope, just some strangely disappearing guy. But if that guy can disappear so easily, it's no wonder people had been vanishing around there. And the spookiest part? Three days later, the house burned to the ground. Or did it? There was no usual signs of a house burning down, and there was no ashes or anything.” She looked at Bill. “Would you like to weigh in?”  
  
“Hm?” Bill looked at her.  
  
“Does it sound like something you might've heard of?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Ah. Well, it is possible that a creature from another dimension used the 'fire' as an illusion to mask the house teleporting away. I'd have to actually go to the site to search for trace energy to know for sure, but as you know I can't leave Gravity Falls. I think you can pretty much write off anyone that disappeared, though. Either they've been eaten, killed, or sold on the black market. Humans are always kidnapped and sold there.” Bill said thoughtfully. “And, before you ask, the law has tried cracking down on them but they have spies in the law that warn them and they're gone before the law can get there.”  
  
“That's terrible!” Mabel cried.  
  
“Criminals gotta make a living.” Bill shrugged. “Some people are nastier than others.”  
  
“You were too close to being kidnapped, Mabel.” Stan looked at her worriedly. “It's lucky you had a broom.”  
  
“Maybe if you can describe the guy later, or draw a picture, I can try to name what it was. It looked human, right?” Bill asked.  
  
“Mostly.” Mabel shivered. “I'll be honest, I had nightmares for a few months about him, but didn't tell anyone. I had to be brave.”  
  
“Oh, Shooting Star.” Bill shook his head. “You're not invincible. It's okay to admit you're scared sometimes.”  
  
“Not then, it wasn't. I had to be strong in front of the other kids in school.” Mabel shook her head.  
  
“How long have we been in here?” Bill asked Stan.  
  
Stan looked at his watch again. “Twenty minutes. When are we getting out?”  
  
“The notes said twenty-one minutes, but they could be wrong.” Bill shrugged.  
  
“Well, how will we know when we're getting out?” Dipper asked.  
  
“We just wait, I guess. Who knows, we may _never get out_.” Bill replied in a spooky voice.  
  
“Save the spooky stuff for Summerween, Bill.” Stan laughed.  
  
Bill was about to reply and then they found themselves spit out of the pit and back onto the grass in a crumpled pile.  
  
“Oof!” “Ow!” “What happened, dudes?!” “You're crushing meeee!” “Sorry, let me untangle us.”  
  
Bill focused on the group and lifted them all off each other, then lifted Dipper into his arms. “You okay, Pine Tree?”  
  
“I got smooshed.” Dipper pouted.  
  
“Oh, there you are!”  
  
They looked over to see Pacifica was standing near the front of the yard. “Pacifica!” Mabel greeted. “What are you doing here?”  
  
“I need your help.” She walked over to them. “Can we talk alone?”  
  
“Sure.” Mabel nodded. “Whatever you need.”  
  
“Good. Let's talk in my limo.” Pacifica turned and led the way, Mabel following.  
  
“So...” Bill watched them go then turned back to the pit. “I'll talk to Gideon. I don't think my magic will work on this thing, so it would have to be a barrier made by magic from this world.”  
  
“Good idea.” Stan nodded. “Dipper, why don't you go upstairs? I want to talk to Bill alone for a bit.”  
  
“Okay.” Dipper nodded and Bill set him down so he could head inside.  
  
Stan nodded. “Let's go to the basement, Bill.  
  
 **–**  
  
Bill and Stan stepped off the elevator and passed through the tarp, standing in front of the broken portal. “What is it?” Bill asked.  
  
“That story of yours...how much of it was truth?” Stan asked.  
  
“Pretty much all of it. Why?” Bill asked.  
  
“...I guess you didn't really know, then.” Stan sighed and walked over to the portal, placing his hand against the cold metal. “He didn't get sucked in while taking it apart. We fought...he pushed me...I pushed him...the portal was knocked on during our fight...and he got sucked in.” He knelt down, looking at the floor. “It's my fault...”  
  
Bill sighed and walked over to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Hearing my story...do you see why I don't want you to bring him back? He might attack the kids, thinking I've tainted them or something. He might attack you.”  
  
“I'm willing to take a chance. I'm sure that he just misunderstood. I mean, c'mon, demons are inherently evil, we thought.” Stan looked at him. “I just...gotta get him back, Bill. Please.”  
  
Bill pursed his lips tightly and moved his hand. “...At least...wait until after the summer.”  
  
Stan looked at the portal silently. Bill sighed heavily and walked off, heading upstairs.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sure, Bill told the truth...he just might've omitted a few things. Like Stan does, whenever he talks about his past.
> 
> ((A/N: "When I was 14! ...Nothing much happened. Well, there was that ONE time!"))


	46. Distraction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dipper asks Gideon to show him around the woods, but after the recent conflict, things are really tense!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“But, why do you need a distraction?” Dipper asked.  
  
“I just do, okay? I can't tell you, Gideon would find out if he reads your minds for any reason.” Mabel said firmly. “Come on, go find something amazing, take pictures, write it in the Journal!”  
  
“She's really adamant about getting us out of here.” Stan remarked as he walked out with Dipper and Bill. “So...to Gideon's?”  
  
“I wanna ask about how the peace meeting went!” Dipper beamed and headed for the car.  
  
**–**  
  
“You want to go into the woods and see monsters that you found in the Journal?” Gideon asked.  
  
“Uh-huh! And you know the woods best!” Dipper nodded enthusiastically, opening up the 3rd Journal. “We can see the Gremoblin and the Kill-Billy and the--”  
  
“Hold on, the _what_?” Gideon took the book and looked at the page he was looking at. “...I don't think this guy has ever had a name before.”  
  
“What did you call it, then?” Stan asked.  
  
“Vampire thief.” Gideon shrugged.  
  
“Well, I bet they don't sparkle.” Dipper nodded firmly.  
  
Gideon raised an eyebrow and shook his head. “No, they don't.”  
  
“Anyways, you know the woods best!” Dipper repeated. “So, can you show us around?”  
  
Gideon looked at the group. “...Where's Mabel?”  
  
“She and Pacifica are doing a girl's day out thing.” Bill grinned. “So, we figured we'd take you along with us into the woods!”  
  
Gideon sighed and handed the book back before turning to his bookshelf. “Alright, fine. But I'm bringing a few tomes. Things are really tense right now with the recent conflict and we might need to protect ourselves. This one has a healing spell.” He picked one out.  
  
“Why not bring the second Journal?” Bill asked.  
  
“The second Journal has no defensive spells and I know enough offensive ones by heart to protect us if need be.” Gideon said, handing Bill the tome. “Here, carry this.”  
  
“What's the difference between fairies and barf fairies?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Barf fairies are what happens when a gnome and a fairy mate.” Gideon told him. “The clash in their DNA is so drastic it gives them all horrible cases of indigestion just by existing.”  
  
“...That sounds like a horrifying existence.” Bill said as the others looked at Gideon in horror.  
  
“It is, and the fairies try not to drink with gnomes if they can help it for this reason. Fairies are very fertile and--”  
  
“What's drinking with gnomes got to do with anything?” Dipper asked while Stan and Bill both went “WHOOOOOOAAAAAAAA!”  
  
“Okay, Gids, I know that you are wise beyond your years and know all about this stuff from it, but let's not tell Pine Tree about it, okay?” Bill said, placing a hand on Gideon's shoulder. “And you're honestly too young to know this stuff.”  
  
Gideon shrugged. “I learned pretty early on, but that's what happens when you can read minds and can't control it.” He touched his amulet. “Thank goodness for this, right?”  
  
“Yeah, I'll say.” Stan nodded. “So, we going?”  
  
“Alright, just a moment. If we're going into the woods, I have to dress for it. There's a lot of dangerous things, so we'll want to blend in. Did anyone bring green or brown clothes?” Gideon went to his dresser.  
  
“Why do we need to blend in?” Dipper asked.  
  
“I just said that things were tense. Outsiders to the woods might get attacked just to let off steam; it's not even safe for _me_ right now. Every time there's a turf war, everyone gets involved or they get out of the way. And with the Manotaurs upset, well, let's just say that they didn't get their way during the meeting.” Gideon went to his bathroom with a change of clothes.  
  
Bill looked thoughtful. “We didn't think to change our clothes. Oh, Gideon! You might not need to change!”  
  
Gideon paused, the door still open. “Why?”  
  
“Because I can cloak us! Illusion magic is my forte!” Bill grinned widely.  
  
Gideon nodded. “Alright, then. Just in case, though, we're still bringing the spells.” He went to put his clothes back.  
  
“So, what kind of things will we see?” Stan asked.  
  
“The Manotaurs are being aggressive right now, with their recent loss, so it'd probably be a good idea to avoid them. We're going to avoid the...'Kill-Billies' because you just don't walk up to a vampire and expect to come out unscathed.”  
  
“So?” Dipper asked. “What're we gonna see? Ohh, can we see the Gremoblin?” Dipper asked.  
  
Bill looked at him. “You read the entry on that, didn't you? I would rather not rescue you from nightmares induced by staring into a Gremoblin's eyes.”  
  
“I'd rather look into Medusa's eyes.” Stan mumbled.  
  
“Alright, ready to go.” Gideon picked up a knife from his desk and slipped it into his jacket's inner pocket. “How about we just go exploring and see what we find?”  
  
“Good idea!” Dipper beamed. **  
  
–**  
  
“The question that troubles me is what on earth can I get Gideon that he might not have already?" Pacifica said as she and Mabel walked through the party store. “He's got his tomes, his artifacts, a beautiful girl in love with him.”  
  
“Oh, stop it.” Mabel blushed.  
  
“A doting family, though I think he'd like it if his mom wasn't so...” Pacifica sighed.  
  
“So...what?” Mabel asked.  
  
“She's not right in the head, Mabel.” Pacifica shook her head. “Though, considering she's a Northwest, this might be better. You've seen my dad.”  
  
“That's true.” Mabel nodded. “So, you were getting to a point?”  
  
“Well, then it came to me. One thing that Gideon has never ever had is a _surprise_. Because he used to be unable to control his powers, he would always hear if someone was planning a party or a present for him and was never really surprised by it! Even after he got the amulet, he still needs to make a conscious effort to not read people's minds. So, I figured that if we got him out of town for a little while, we could arrange with everyone to have a big ten-year-old birthday party!” Pacifica said excitedly, stopping in the middle of the aisle. “It's perfect! And who better to organize the party than Gravity Falls' very own party-making queen?”  
  
“Well, when you put it like that.” Mabel grinned. “This is going to be a BLAST!”  
  
**–**  
  
“Okay, so maybe we should've taken into account the fact that the Kill-Billy steals anything related to hillbillies, including guns.” Bill said as the group hid behind a tree.  
  
“Okay, options?” Stan asked, frowning at a hole in his fez.  
  
“Mabel can fix that.” Dipper assured him. “It'll be good as new.”  
  
“I could put up a shield, but I've never used them around guns before.” Gideon admitted.  
  
“Okay...” Bill looked thoughtful, then looked at Dipper before taking off his coat. “Drape this over yourselves, I'll be right back!” He flew off.  
  
“How far from you can he go?” Gideon asked.  
  
“About the length of the yard.” Dipper looked where he went. “Where is he going?”  
  
“Who cares, let's use his coat!” Stan draped it over the group and held the kids close. “You'd think they'd be out of bullets by now!”  
  
“To think we'd stumble on their nest while looking for the Leprecorn.” Gideon shook his head, sighing heavily.  
  
Bill came rushing back, a familiar crystal in his hand. “Okay, throw off the coat!” He aimed it at them.  
  
Stan threw the coat off and Bill cast a light spell that shone through the crystal and hit them. Then he scooped up the group and his coat and fled while the Kill-Billies looked around for the smell of human blood.  
  
“Remind me why we couldn't fight them?” Stan asked.  
  
“Things in the forest are _very_ tense now. It's one thing if it's a one-on-one encounter far from their nest, but we invaded their nest. We'd be seen as the ones in the wrong if we killed any of them and might have to stand trial. Same for if we attacked any of the others in their homes.” Gideon explained as Bill rushed them away from the scene in his hand.  
  
“When will things calm down?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Give it a week.” Gideon suggested, then looked up at Bill. “Smart thinking, getting the crystal. They would've shot at us as we left if we tried flying out at our normal sizes.”  
  
“Yeah, thanks for letting us use your coat.” Stan nodded.  
  
“Are we far enough yet?” Dipper tried to peek around Bill but he couldn't see very well.  
  
“Not quite yet. I can still hear them.” Bill stopped then and set them down before casting the light spell to change them back with the crystal. “Okay, now we are.”  
  
“Well, that was interesting.” Gideon said, dusting himself off as they got up. “Do you see why I was reluctant about going into the woods now?” He looked at Dipper.  
  
“Okay, okay. Where can we go, though?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Back to town?” Gideon shrugged.  
  
“Ah, hold on.” Bill stepped to the side and pulled out a phone Pacifica had shoved in his hands before sending them out, speed-dialing Mabel's number. “Shooting Star, Gideon wants to go back to town. Things are really tense in the woods. Is it safe yet?” He whispered into it when she picked up.  
  
“Uhm, not quite. Stall him for a couple more hours.” Mabel said on the other end. “Why not go check out the caves? Multibear sounded friendly.”  
  
Bill rolled his eye and sighed. “Yes, ma'am.” He hung up and turned to Gideon. “Hey, how about we go see Multibear?”  
  
“Multibear?” Gideon asked. “You've met him?”  
  
“Remember? When I went looking for fairies? Multibear was the one that saved me!” Dipper smiled.  
  
“I remember finding you about to go into Manotaur territory.” He looked thoughtful. “I suppose Multibear was there. Alright, may as well pay him a visit.” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Just a little while, though, okay? I didn't really want to go anywhere today, really.”  
  
“How come?” Stan asked.  
  
“It's July 9th.” Gideon said pointedly.  
  
“July ni—oooooh, right!” Stan slapped his hand to his forehead. “Sorry, Gideon! I totally forgot!”  
  
“It's fine, I didn't really expect you to remember.” Gideon shrugged. “Up until this summer we were business rivals.”  
  
“Good thing that's over, eh?” Stan grinned. “You know, we should really be doing something more fun than talking to supernatural folk you already know. When was the last time you went fishing?”  
  
“Fishing?” Gideon shrugged. “I haven't.”  
  
“Then you're in for a treat! Let's head on down to the docks! C'mon, back to the car!” He looked around. “Uh, can you lead the way?”  
  
Gideon chuckled. “Of course.”  
  
“What's so special about July 9th?” Dipper asked.  
  
“It's Gideon's birthday. He's turning ten this year.” Stan explained.  
  
“What? No way, you were only nine?” Dipper gasped dramatically.  
  
“I thought we knew this?” Bill asked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
“I forgot.” Dipper admitted.  
  
“Come on, let's go fishing!” Stan said as they followed Gideon out of the woods.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Off to do something mundane for a few hours!
> 
> ((A/N: Illusion magic only cloaks the physical. It would work for Manotaurs, but not vampires or anything else that relies on scent to find you.))


	47. Fishing Buddies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To take a break from the supernatural, Stan takes Gideon fishing!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Here we are!” Stan grinned as they pulled up to the lake. “The perfect fishing spot! C'mon, let's go get you some fishing gear!”  
  
Gideon looked out at the lake thoughtfully, a nostalgic look in his eyes. “I haven't been here in years.” He said to himself.  
  
“I thought you said you'd never been fishing?” Stan asked.  
  
“I didn't come to fish. Remember when I was five, and all those boats kept mysteriously sinking? The sailors were found dead, save for the few that survived to tell the tale.”  
  
“Oh yeah, something about a siren.” Stan nodded. “You were five then?”  
  
Gideon nodded.  
  
“What happened?” Dipper asked.  
  
“My father came with the party to check things out, but because my mother was ill he had to bring me. I ended up finding the siren in the cave behind the waterfall and convinced him to come out with me.” Gideon explained.  
  
“What happened to him?” Bill asked.  
  
“He's still in town. I'll point him out if we see him.” Gideon replied. “He's confined, though. Too dangerous to let him out freely, and they didn't know where he came from to send him back. He certainly didn't go back on his own. Besides, he might come back with more sirens.”  
  
“Sounds vaguely familiar.” Stan shrugged. “Five years ago, I was still keeping to myself. Anyways, fishing shack is over here!” He headed for the only building at the lake and opened the door. “Heeey, Tate!”  
  
“Good afternoon, Mr. Pines. Here to buy?” Tate asked, hanging up something on the wall.  
  
“Yep! Gideon here hasn't been fishing before, so I'm gonna show him how!” Stan clapped a hand on Gideon's shoulder affectionately.  
  
Tate looked over. “Oh, yeah. You guys are like family now, right? Okay, let's start with finding out what size life-jacket he wears, then we can look at getting you some gear. Your boat is where you left it, no 'monster' has trashed it.” He rolled his eyes under his hat. “Come over here, Gideon.”  
  
Gideon walked over to where he was directing him and took off his suit jacket so he could measure him. “Monster? You mean that elusive Gobblewonker?” He asked.  
  
“If such a thing ever existed, my dad probably scared it off with his fake one.” Tate huffed, then went to pick out a lifejacket for him. “Here you go, kiddo. Man, you're growing fast.”  
  
“How much?” Stan asked.  
  
“It's Li'l Gideon's birthday, so I'll just make everything free as a gift.” Tate waved it off. “Go pick out some good fishing stuff with him.”  
  
“Thank you.” Gideon blushed a bit pink.  
  
“Alright, let's get you some gear!” Stan grinned and went over to the rack of rods. “Go ahead, Gideon, pick one out.”  
  
Gideon joined him, looking at it thoughtfully. Tate looked at Bill, rubbing his chin. “Your earring looks familiar.”  
  
“Earring?” Bill reached up to it.  
  
“Yeah, like somethin' I saw dad draw before.” Tate shrugged. “Anyways, cool costume. What're you supposed to be?”  
  
“A demon.” Bill grinned.  
  
“Hm. You're missing horns.” Tate walked away.  
  
Bill made a face. “Yeah, yeah, I don't have horns. So sue me, there's more to life than having horns, y'know.”  
  
“Sore spot?” Stan asked, looking at him.  
  
“Bit, yeah.” Bill nodded. “A lot of my friends have them and they tease me.”  
  
Gideon picked out a child-size blue and white one off the shelf. “This one looks good.”  
  
Stan looked it over. “Yep, looks good! Wait, hold on. Hold it out.” He stood next to him and directed him how to. “Like this. Now give it a swing. Yeah, great! How did that feel?”  
  
“It felt good.” Gideon nodded.  
  
“Good! Not too heavy, not too light, just the right weight for good swinging action! A fine fishing pole. Now, let's go find you a good lure!” He led him over to that section.  
  
“Either he's trying to impress him, or he's deliberately spending extra time on this.” Bill commented to Dipper quietly. “I'm betting on the latter.”  
  
“There we go! All set, ready to go to the Stan O'War?” Stan grinned.  
  
Gideon looked at his rod and attached lure and nodded. “Okay.”  
  
“Alright.” Stan grabbed a carton of bait and headed out. “Let's go fishing!”  
  
When they got to the ship, Stan stopped and stared at it. “Heh, she's not really fancy, but here she is.” He pointed to his boat. “Should fit all of us no problem. Bill, why aren't you wearing a life-jacket?” He asked, handing Dipper his and putting on his own.  
  
“Because I don't need it.” Bill rolled his eye. “I can't die, remember? If I drown, I'll just go back to Pine Tree's mind until the next time we do the spell.”  
  
“Don't drown!” Dipper wrapped his arms around him. “I'll be your life-jacket!”  
  
Bill sighed. “Don't worry, kiddo. I can't actually drown, anyway.” He patted his back.  
  
“You can't?” Stan asked.  
  
“Yeah, even in my physical form. I can breathe in space and water.” Bill explained.  
  
“That's awesome!” Dipper grinned excitedly.  
  
“Well, one less to worry about. C'mon, into the boat!” Stan climbed in and tested the weight before helping Gideon get in while Bill helped Dipper. “We're going to the center of the lake, where the best fishing is!”  
  
“What about the floating island?” Gideon asked.  
  
“Pft, it's a myth.” Stan waved it off. “I haven't seen it in all the times I've been here. But, hey, maybe we'll get lucky and hook a Gobblewonker!”  
  
 **–**  
  
“No, a little more to the left. The letters are scrunched like this. Okay, there we go. Thanks, Soos!” Mabel gave him a thumbs-up.  
  
“No problem, dude! What else do you need help with?” He asked.  
  
“I think we're good, once Susan comes with the cake.” Mabel nodded. “I wanted to make it, but Pacifica needed my help. Oh well, maybe next year!”  
  
“Alright, I think you can call and say they can come back, then.” Pacifica nodded. “By the time they get here, the cake will be here.”  
  
“Alright.” Mabel pulled out her phone and dialed Bill's number, waiting for him to pick up. When he did, she heard a commotion on the other side and a lot of splashing.  
  
“Yeah, Star?” Bill asked, sounding strained. “Whoa, careful, don't tip us! Wow, we're really going fast!”  
  
“We're read--uh, what's going on?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Well, Stan took us fishing! And Gideon hooked something big and we're kind of going for a ride around the lake! He's determined to catch it, so, uh, I might have to go underwater and help weaken the beastie.” Bill explained. “What's up?”  
  
“Well, we're ready whenever you guys come back.” Mabel laughed. “Have fun with that, need any help from other fishermen?”  
  
“Nope, I think we've got all the help we need. Oh, gotta go!” She heard a splash and then Dipper's voice saying “Bill's gone underwater. Grunkle Stan is recording everything, he's so excited! I think Gideon's having fun, too. Whatever this is, it's shaking off his telekinesis!”  
  
“Are you gonna need a tank?” Mabel asked, giggling.  
  
“I think we're gonna need a bigger boat. A tank sounds good, though! How fast can Mr. McGucket build a metal one?”  
  
“I'll ask.” She turned to where McGucket was conversing with a woodpecker. “Mr. McGucket, how fast can you build a metal tank of water? Gideon's trying to catching something _really big_.”  
  
His eyes bulged out and he kicked his legs together. “I'll scrab-doodle over and build one right away!” He ran off to his workshop. “I'm gonna make sure it can go on land AND water!”  
  
“Okay, then!” Mabel spoke into the phone again. “So, uh, how long do you think you'll be?” She asked.  
  
“About a half-hour.” Gideon said; the phone must've been put on speaker. “The creature's almost beaten. And Bill confirmed that it IS the Gobblewonker.”  
  
“I was totally joking earlier when I said you might catch it, by the way.” Stan commented.  
  
“Well, I am. We can put it as an exhibit, maybe. It's not covered under the Supernatural Protection Pact.” Gideon mused as he struggled with the rod. “It's struggling less. Good.”  
  
“This is so cool!” Mabel said excitedly. “I can't wait to see it! We'll see you when you get here. We're waiting in the town square, good luck!” She hung up and went to explain to Pacifica what was going on.  
  
 **–**  
  
“Town square?” Gideon wondered, then gave one final tug before the creature came out from under the water. Then he held out a hand and muttered a spell, looking into the creature's eyes. “There, there. Calm down.” He murmured, the calming spell taking effect on the creature. “We're not going to hurt you anymore.”  
  
Bill climbed out of the water and shook himself like a dog, getting water on the others. “Phew, what a workout!”  
  
“Careful, this camera isn't waterproof.” Stan said, frowning at him.  
  
“How's the spell going?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Once I can look in his eyes, very well.” Gideon reached up and rubbed the side of the creature's neck. “Would you like ta come with us? We might need to dig out a pool for him, but I think that can be arranged. We'll put up high walls so no one can jump in.” He told Stan.  
  
“Not sure if I can afford it..” Stan looked thoughtful.  
  
“Don't worry; we've combined, remember? I'll pay for it.” Gideon reminded him. “We just have to get him home, but we need a tank for that.”  
  
“Mr. McGucket's building one.” Dipper told him. “Shouldn't be long, have you seen how fast he works?!”  
  
“Okay, then. What say we go for another ride around the lake? Loop this rope around the Gobblewonker.” Stan handed a rope over.  
  
“Don't bite this.” Gideon said as he put the rope on like a bridle. “Okay, everyone hang on. Swim on, Gobblewonker.”  
  
The Gobblewonker let out a roar and set off, pulling the boat behind him.  
  
By the time McGucket got there, they had gone around the lake five times and were having the time of their lives, even taking turns riding the beast itself.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing like having a giant pool with a Gobblewonker inside!


	48. Surprise!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Gideon and the others get back to town, they find what the girls have been working on all day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Well, we should get out to the lake more often!” Stan said as they rode in the car, the Gobblewonker safely in the tank behind them, swimming around in the water they filled it with before attaching the tank to the car by a tow cable.  
  
“I did enjoy fishing.” Gideon agreed, smiling.  
  
“I didn't even have to bring out the joke book!” Stan laughed.  
  
“The same one you used before?” Bill asked.  
  
“Before?” Stan asked.  
  
“Uh, well, I was kind of with Pine Tree the last time he came here.” Bill said, glancing over at McGucket sitting on the tank outside the car. Luckily, he was too focused on the Gobblewonker to even notice Bill was there.  
  
“What if he falls in?” Dipper asked.  
  
“He won't. Old Kook has crazy balance.” Stan remarked.  
  
“So, what's going on in town square?” Gideon asked.  
  
“No idea.” Stan shrugged. “Maybe the girls just need a ride? Limo got a flat?”  
  
“We really don't know, Gid.” Bill shrugged. “Before you try reading our minds, Mabel just said she and Pacifica were going to do something and told us to go hang out with you.”  
  
“It doesn't feel like you're lying, so I'll just have to accept that you're just as curious as I am.” Gideon shrugged.  
  
“Maybe he knows?” Dipper looked at McGucket.  
  
“I don't feel like getting out and asking. We'll just find out when we get there.” Gideon said, shaking his head.  
  
They drove to town, talking about all they'd caught – and fed to the Gobblewonker for it to eat on the way back – and Gideon showed Dipper a few spells and taught him how to use a light spell.  
  
“Do I have to be awake to use it?” Dipper asked.  
  
“If you lose focus, it drops.” Gideon told him. “Can't give up your nightlight, I'm afraid.”  
  
“Aww, okay.” Dipper nodded.  
  
“Whoa, what's going on here?” Stan asked as they noticed hardly anyone walking the streets of Gravity Falls.  
  
“It's not raining.” Gideon looked out the window.  
  
“So quiet, like a ghost town.” Bill commented.  
  
They started to approach the town square and noticed a commotion going on. Stan parked a bit away from it in case of trouble and watched McGucket hop off the tank and run into the crowd. “Ooookay.” He turned off the engine and got out. “Let's go investigate.”  
  
They headed over to the crowd, which started to part as they approached. Beyond it was Mabel and Pacifica standing at a table full of food, a big banner saying “Happy Birthday, Gideon!” visible behind them.  
  
“SURPRISE!” Everyone said in unison.  
  
Gideon blinked, quite surprised by the whole thing. “You...you told them to get me out o' town...so you could arrange this?” He walked over to Mabel and Pacifica and hugged them both. “Thank you. This is so nice. I've never been surprised before.”  
  
“Well, I wanted to give you something special.” Pacifica smiled.  
  
“Do you like it?” Mabel asked.  
  
Gideon nodded. “I do, I really do. You've blown me away, darlin'.”  
  
“It was Pacifica's idea.” Mabel reminded him with a giggle.  
  
He turned to his cousin. “Thank you for thinking o' this for me.” He hugged her again.  
  
“Hey, you deserve it. Happy Birthday, little cousin. There's gifts for you, and food and cake. Why don't you blow out the candles?” Pacifica turned him towards the table.  
  
“Make a wish!” Mabel grinned.  
  
Gideon chuckled. “No point. All my wishes already came true, thanks to you.” He blew out the ten candles on the cake while everyone clapped and cheered.  
  
“Gideon, open my present first!”  
“No, mine!”  
  
“Gideon will open whatever one he wants to open first.” Pacifica said, quieting the crowd. “Go on, Gideon. We'll cut the cake while you do that.”  
  
Gideon walked over to the table full of presents, looking them over thoughtfully before he picked up a messily-wrapped one. “I think I'll open this one.” He checked the name. “From Mabel.” He smiled at her.  
  
“I need to learn to wrap better.” Mabel admitted.  
  
“It's not the wrapping that matters, it's the person who did it.” Gideon assured her, then opened it up to find a light-blue sweater made by Mabel that had her and Gideon holding hands. “Aww...” He cooed in appreciation and turned to show it to everyone.  
  
“Sappy, I know.” Mabel looked at Dipper, then back to Gideon. “I've got a matching sweater, in pink!”  
  
“At least they aren't kissing.” Dipper nodded firmly. “That'd be gross.”  
  
Bill laughed and playfully slapped his shoulder. “Aw, Pine Tree!”  
  
“Happy Birthday, Gideon.” Stan grinned. “Why not pile everything in my car, and we can take it to your place with the fishing gear?”  
  
“Oh yeah.” Gideon looked at the crowd. “So, the Gobblewonker _does_ exist. I caught it today, it's in that tank over there and as soon as we build it a pool it will be on live display at the Mystery Shack.”  
  
“No way!”  
“It REALLY EXISTS?!"  
“I can't wait to see it!"  
“Can I go look, mommy?”  
“How about we go see the exhibit when it's open?”  
  
“Wow, you got the crowd excited.” Stan chuckled.  
  
“It's what I do.” Gideon smiled and pulled the sweater on before turning to the other presents.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That pool is gonna be expensive to maintain. And what will the Gobblewonker eat?


	49. Hot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the hottest day of summer and Gideon suggests everyone goes to the pool with him. But first, Bill needs a suit! And not his usual kind - a swim suit!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD
> 
> (A/N: I'm just gonna take his moment to both thank you all for commenting and being such great readers and also apologize for not replying to all of you! Thanks again for reading, and I hope you continue to enjoy what I have in store!))

“It's...hot.” Mabel groaned, lying on the wooden floor.  
  
“No one's coming.” Bill remarked, looking up from the register. “Wanna close up shop?”  
  
“Sure. Bill, can you cast an ice spell or something?” Stan asked.  
  
“Ice isn't really my forte, why don't you ask Gideon?” Bill suggested.  
  
“That would require getting up and going over.” Stan groaned.  
  
The door opened and Gideon stepped inside. “Ah, I see you also don't have anyone. In case case, what do you say to closing up our businesses for the day and heading for the pool?” He suggested.  
  
“The pool?” Mabel sat up. “Ohh, I can use that new bathing suit I got while out with Pacifica yesterday!” She got up and bolted upstairs.  
  
“Wait for meeee!” Dipper ran up after her.  
  
“Well, I guess that settles it. Let me get my trunks and the sunscreen.” Stan headed for the back.  
  
Bill walked them go. “...Just a few moments ago they wouldn't even move.”  
  
“I think the word 'pool' has magic attached to it, even on the hottest of days.” Gideon theorized. “Are you swimming?”  
  
“Uh, no. I'm not taking my shirt off, people gawk at me enough as it is.” Bill shook his head.  
  
“Someone's full of himself.” Gideon smirked.  
  
“No, no. I have a brick pattern on my chest, it catches the eye.” Bill explained.  
  
“People have seen weird tattoos before. You have to come, Dipper's coming.” Gideon urged him.  
  
“What will I wear?” Bill asked.  
  
“We can buy you something on the way.” Gideon waved it off. “We can go in my trailer, it's got air conditioning and lawn chairs in storage.”  
  
“Man, you are not taking no for an answer.” Bill sighed. “Alright, fine. But if people gawk at me I'm gonna tell you 'I told you so'.”  
  
“All the weird things in this town and you think people are going to care that you have a pattern on your body? There's a guy here that's covered head to toe in tattoos. Trust me, they won't care.” Gideon headed over to his trailer.  
  
“Ready to go!” Mabel joined Bill at the door. “Where's Gideon?”  
  
“He went to the trailer.” Bill shrugged. “Apparently someone besides you is going to see me shirtless, Shooting Star.”  
  
“Who?” Mabel asked.  
  
“The whole damn town.” Bill made a face. “He's insisting I join you guys in the water.”  
  
“The last time Bill went swimming, he was fully-clothed.” Stan said, walking up to them. “It's a good experience to swim in proper swimming clothes!”  
  
“Whose side are you on?!” Bill frowned.  
  
“ _Obviously_ my future great-nephew-in-law!” Stan laughed. “Family first, Bill!”  
  
“You jerk.” Bill said with an amused smile.  
  
“I wanna swim with you, Bill.” Dipper said, holding the bag with his swimming trunks and floaties close.  
  
“Great, I am completely outvoted!” Bill threw his hands in the air.  
  
“Hey, I didn't say anything yet!” Mabel insisted. “I'm staying neutral on this. Although, it might be fun to pick out your swimming trunks.”  
  
“See, you did pick a side.” Bill crossed his arms over his chest.  
  
“Well, let's go meet up with Gideon.” Stan headed for the door, then paused. “By the way, what was that about Mabel seeing you shirtless?”  
  
“He was just changing shirts for Summerween!” Mabel assured him. “I didn't see anything but his chest!”  
  
Stan frowned and gave Bill a suspicious look before going outside.  
  
“Oops?” Bill grinned at Mabel's embarrassed expression.  
  
“Why did you have to say that?” Mabel headed out after Stan, Bill and Dipper following him to Gideon's trailer.  
  
“Wait, who's locking up?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Hold on.” Bill conjured up a double that flipped the sign and locked the doors before vanishing. “There, done!”  
  
“That is so cool.” Dipper grinned.  
  
 **–**  
  
“Okay, let's not take too long in here.” Stan said as they walked into the air-conditioned swim store a block away from the pool.  
  
“We shouldn't.” Gideon looked at Bill thoughtfully and then turned to Mabel. “Let's get to work.”  
  
“Okay.” Mabel nodded firmly, then grabbed Bill's wrist and pulled him along after Gideon.  
  
“There's no way I can get out of this, is there?” Bill asked as he was pulled to the men's section.  
  
“Nope!” Mabel and Gideon said in unison.  
  
“Man, am I glad I'm not him right now.” Stan chuckled to Dipper.  
  
Bill was pulled by the racks while Gideon and Mabel looked through the designs, constantly stopping to whisper and discuss fashion while Bill stood there impatiently. “Look, I don't really need to swim, do I? And this is ridiculous!”  
  
“Oh, stop being so self-conscious. You don't have anything to be ashamed of.” Mabel assured him.  
  
“I'm not ashamed of anything, I just think spending so much time picking something out is pointless.” He reached over and grabbed a random item. “Here, how about this?”  
  
“You didn't even look at it. One, hot pink does NOT go with your shade of gold and two....that's not your size at all. In fact, I think that's a girl's swimming suit that got put back in the wrong place.” Mabel took it and carried it to the cashier to find out where it went.  
  
Gideon looked at Bill thoughtfully before picking something out. “Here, black and yellow. Try it on.” He nudged him towards the dressing room.  
  
“This is really revealing.” Bill said as he was ushered into the dressing room.  
  
“Oh, come on. It's one of the least revealing ones here without going for a scuba suit.” Gideon rolled his eyes.  
  
“Who knew a demon could be such a prude?” Mabel giggled, walking over to join him.  
  
“You two are enjoying this too much.” Bill said from inside the dressing room stall. “This is to get back at me for all those bad words I said in front of Pine Tree, isn't it? This is cruel and unusual torture.”  
  
“Just put it on.” Mabel sighed heavily.  
  
“You didn't deny it!” They heard clothing rustling finally. “You humans and your different clothes for everything. It used to be you guys were content wearing scrap of cloth for every occasion and that was it. Vanity has blown up the fashion industry in your world worse than the Flegnanon trade after the discovery of the Kreplold.”  
  
“Did you understand any of that?” Gideon asked Mabel.  
  
“Something about trade?” Mabel shrugged.  
  
“Nevermind!” They heard what sounded like Bill hitting his head on the mirror.  
  
“Just get dressed!” Mabel laughed.  
  
“Working on it.” Bill said, then mumbled something in another language Mabel was SURE she didn't want to understand.  
  
“Stop whining.” She looked at Gideon. “He wasn't half this annoying about the Cheshire Cat costume.”  
  
“Sure, I was. I complained about the color.” Bill said, and then the door opened. “There, you happy?”  
  
Mabel and Gideon looked in. “Hm...looks like it fits, but how does it feel?” Gideon asked.  
  
“Like I have too much exposed leg. And is there a t-shirt or something I can wear?” Bill crossed his arms over his chest.  
  
“Your markings look fine.” Gideon rolled his eyes. “Let's get him a few pairs, different designs, though. And we'll buy that. You can change back now.” Gideon closed the door and led Mabel to get more swimming trunks.  
  
“WHY would I need more than one?!” Bill asked as they walked away.  
  
 **-**  
  
“Having fun?” Stan asked when they finally came back with their purchases.  
  
“Oh yes, lots. Let's get back in the trailer and go to the pool now.” Mabel said, practically skipping with the bag.  
  
Bill sighed heavily. “Never have I _ever_ been this embarrassed while _sober_.”  
  
“Get used to it.” Stan laughed.  
  
“Come on, Bill, smile!” Dipper urged him.  
  
“Oh, the things I put up with for you, kid.” Bill shook his head with a sigh. “The things I put up with for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Off to the pool!
> 
> ((A/N: Have a Bill Swimsuit Pin-up for your PC wallpapers. :p http://zonerobotnik.tumblr.com/post/155677083972/in-an-upcoming-chapter-of-little-dipper-bill-is I couldn't figure out how to get it to appear at the bottom of the chapter. ))


	50. Pool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After torturing Bill with a impromptu shopping trip, the group arrive at the pool and Mabel notices a mysterious stranger that Gideon doesn't recognize.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

The pool was understandably crowded when they arrived and it looked like Wendy had secured a job for the day as a lifeguard and was chatting it up with Robbie, who looked like he was only there because Wendy persuaded him to come swimming. He was sans hoodie and ducked down in the water in one of the shaded areas to escape the sun and looking miserable.  
  
“Okay, let's go swimming!” Mabel said, braiding her hair as she walked. “Gideon, can you help me with my sunscreen? I'll help with yours.”  
  
“Aww, the cutest couple is here! Hey, guys!” Wendy greeted as they approached. “Whoa. You got him out of the suit!” She pointed at Bill.  
  
“Hi, Wendy!” Dipper said with a big smile.  
  
“Can you NOT point me out?” Bill asked, crossing his arms over his chest. “Geez, you humans and your fascination with...anything. Usually it's not a problem for me, I'm not usually affected, but geeeeeeeeez....”  
  
“Oh, just get in the water.” Stan laughed, playfully shoving him towards it.  
  
“A curse on your TV tonight.” Bill said, glaring at him.  
  
“Stop being such a sourpuss. If you're not going to swim, at least help me set up the chairs.” Stan said, setting the lawn chairs down.  
  
“You know, people wouldn't see the markings if you were in the water.” Wendy suggested helpfully. “I personally think they're awesome.”  
  
Bill sighed and went to help Stan. “I'm surprised you're not in the water.”  
  
“We need a place to set our stuff.” Stan shrugged.  
  
“Back in the trailer?” Bill suggested.  
  
“I'll get in the water in a bit. I think Dipper wants to go in now, can you help him with his sunscreen?” Stan indicated the excited child.  
  
“Alright.” Bill grabbed one of the bottles they'd bought and went over to Dipper. “Uh, how do you use this thing.” He read the back. “'Apply generously'...okay.” He opened it and squirted some out before starting to apply it to Dipper's skin.  
  
“Ohh, that's cold!” Dipper squirmed.  
  
“Calm down, Pine Tree. I don't want you to get burned.” Bill smirked a bit.  
  
 **\--**  
  
Mabel and Gideon had already finished with their sunscreen and had entered the water. Mabel looked around and then back at him. “I don't see Pacifica.”  
  
“Their family is 'above the common pool'. She's probably soaking up the rays by their private one.” Gideon shrugged.  
  
“I guess you're right. Hey, whoa, who's that?” Mabel noticed a dark-skinned stranger nestled in the water away from everyone else.  
  
“No idea.” Gideon frowned. “I've never seen him before. Oh, but look over at the pool jail.” He tapped her shoulder and pointed.  
  
“Uh, why is there a kid behind bars?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Because he's in jail.” Gideon leaned in closer. “That's the siren.” He whispered.  
  
Mabel gasped. “The one you told Dipper about?”  
  
Gideon nodded.  
  
“Whoa. He looks so...human.” Mabel tilted her head thoughtfully, then looked back at the stranger. “Do you think he's also a siren?”  
  
“I'm not getting any danger vibes from him, but if he was we'd have heard of people going missing or being found dead by the pool by now.” Gideon shrugged, then thought 'At least, I would've.'  
  
“I'm gonna go talk to him.” She swam over, Gideon following close behind. Once she got close, she dove underwater and then came up next to him. “Hi!”  
  
He jolted. “H-How long were you under there?” He moved the kickboard in front of him a bit.  
  
“Not long. Don't worry, I didn't see anything. WAS there anything to see? Should I look again?” Mabel leaned in closer. “Tell me your name, beautiful stranger.”  
  
“My name is...Armando.” He said, nervously fidgeting with his necklace.  
  
“Armando, or MERmando?” Mabel said in a hushed voice. “It's okay, I won't tell anyone.”  
  
“Tell anyone what?” He asked.  
  
“Nothing, what's there to tell?” She gave him a knowing wink.  
  
“You are...strange.” “Armando” said, shifting to the side a bit.  
  
“Sorry, I got overexcited.” Mabel moved closer to him again. “I'm Mabel. How long have you been in town?”  
  
“I...lost count of the number of times the sun has risen and set.” Armando looked to the side, his gaze distant. “I am far from my home, and cannot return.”  
  
“Are you exiled?” Gideon asked, moving closer to them.  
  
“No, no. I just...cannot return. Not by my own power, at least.” Armando shook his head. “I cannot tell you anything more with so many people around. Perhaps if you were to return tonight...”  
  
“Sure!” Mabel smiled.  
  
“We'll come and see you.” Gideon nodded. “We'll leave you alone for now, though. I think this area is too deep for her brother and he's looking like he wants to come in.”  
  
“I understand.” Armando nodded.  
  
Gideon led Mabel back to the shallower part of the pool. “I think you might've been close. He's certainly not human.” He said in a quiet voice. “But he's not a siren. Let's hear his story and see if we can help him.”  
  
“Yes!” Mabel nodded enthusiastically.  
  
“Mabel!” Dipper climbed into the water with Bill's help and then Bill climbed in after him. “Who was the guy?”  
  
“Just a guy we were talking with.” Mabel moved closer to Dipper and hugged him. “Welcome to the water, little bro! And look, Bill, no one's gawking.”  
  
“I still feel exposed.” Bill rubbed at his arms.  
  
“The markings go all the way to your shoulders and down your arms and even down your legs to your ankles. No wonder you wear a suit and gloves all the time.” Gideon looked thoughtful. “What are the markings?”  
  
“Just part of what I am.” Bill shrugged. “I don't usually use this form, though, so people don't usually see them like this.” He reached up to his earring. “This is my true form, remember?”  
  
“The Dorito King.” Dipper said in a sagely voice.  
  
“No, no, I'm not.” Bill chuckled. “HE'S the reason I'm using this form.”  
  
“I know.” Gideon nodded. “So, it's not a brand or anything? Why hide it?”  
  
“It's just different. Humans tend to freak out about different.” Bill shrugged.  
  
“Not in Gravity Falls. Not usually.” Gideon shook his head.  
  
“Candy, Grenda!” Mabel got distracted and went to greet her friends. “You're here at the pool!”  
  
“Mabel!” They hugged her, and then Grenda looked over. “I gotta say, Bill looks h-o-t without his suit, you know what I'm saying?” She nudged the other two with a grin.  
  
“You think he looks hot all the time.” Mabel laughed.  
  
“Guilty!” Grenda held up her hand and laughed.  
  
Mabel and Candy laughed and then Mabel looked over at Armando, who was lower in the water than before and looking melancholy. She couldn't help but feel pity for him, the poor guy.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is Armando's story? Is he really a merman?
> 
> ((A.N.: Since these upcoming chapters are focused on Mermando and Mabel, we will hear of the shenanigans that went on at the pool during the chapters that come after. :) ))


	51. Mermando's Tale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mabel and Gideon return to hear from the mysterious stranger how he got to Gravity Falls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“We'll back in about a couple hours, we're going to see a movie.” Mabel said as she grabbed her bag. “Get to bed on time, okay?”  
  
“Ooookay.” Dipper pouted. “What about you, though?”  
  
“I'm going on a date. I'll be back by ten.” Mabel kissed his cheek and then headed out to where Gideon was waiting with his horse.  
  
“Lucky. I wanna go on a date on a horse to the movies.” Dipper pouted.  
  
“C'mon, kiddo, let's play a game instead. That's way more fun!” Bill closed the door and ushered Dipper to the living room.  
  
–  
  
“We have to keep an eye out for Pool Check, I swear the guy is a robot.” Gideon said as he floated them over the fence and into the pool area.  
  
“Yikes, really?” Mabel gasped.  
  
“I once saw him crush a kid's kick-board – with his teeth.” Gideon shivered. “The sounds it made...”  
  
“Okay, avoiding the pool Terminator.” Mabel nodded, and then they went over to where Armando was staring at the moon. “Hey, we're back.”  
  
He looked at them. “You came back.” He smiled a bit. “I thought...you might not.”  
  
“We said we would.” Gideon knelt next to the pool and Mabel sat next to him. “So, what's your story?”  
  
He sighed. “Well...first of all, you actually guessed my name right. It's Mermando.” He admitted. “I'm a merman, and I was caught in a fisherman's net. I managed to escape, but ended up on land when I escaped the truck. I somehow managed to bounce from a truck to a passing deer and then a pipe that knocked me into this place and I've been here ever since.”  
  
“That sounds...terrible.” Gideon said, trying to picture the trip. No matter how he thought about it, it just didn't make sense that a merman would be randomly bounced all around Gravity Falls until it ended up in the pool. But, hey, Gravity Falls was weird like that. Maybe Bill could give them some insight.  
  
“It is.” Mermando gripped his necklace. “All I want is to return to my family, back in the ocean. But I do not know how to get home.”  
  
“Hm...what if we took you home?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Took me home?” Mermando asked.  
  
“Of course! If we got a tank and loaded it on a truck, we could lift you out and take you to the lake, from which you could follow the river to get to the ocean and return home!” Gideon nodded. “I can use my powers to safely lift you into the tank and--”  
  
“Who's in here?”  
  
“Uh oh, Pool Check.” Gideon grabbed Mabel's hand. “We'll be back tomorrow night with the tank!” He promised, and then flew Mabel out with him.  
  
Mermando watched them go and then ducked underwater.  
  
\--  
  
Mabel looked over at the pool as they reached the horse, then looked at Gideon. “...What about the siren?”  
  
Gideon sighed. “Too dangerous. If we let the siren escape, it'll bring back more. Mermando doesn't mean anyone harm. The siren was actively killing people. We can't let him free.”  
  
“Oh.” Mabel looked down.  
  
Gideon climbed up on the horse and offered her a hand. “Come on, let's go see the movie we said we were going to.”  
  
“Okay.” Mabel climbed up behind him and held on.  
  
 **–**  
  
“They're still out.” Dipper kicked his legs, looking at the hallway. He'd changed for bed but had insisted on staying up until Mabel come home. Stan had gone down into the basement and Bill was cleaning up from Dipper's various games.  
  
“They'll be back soon.” Bill said, putting the board games on the shelf.  
  
The phone rang and Bill went to answer it. “Hello?”  
  
“Hey, is Mabel there? She's not answering her phone.” Grenda asked on the other end.  
  
“She's on a date, can I take a message?” Bill asked.  
  
“Oh, well, I was wondering if we could have a sleepover at—oh my god, is this Bill? Hi, I haven't talked with you since the last time we did the spell, you kept avoiding me at the pool today! When do you need it done again, by the way?”  
  
“Uhh, probably tomorrow. Why don't you talk with Shooting Star about your idea when you're here, hm? I gotta get back to watching Pine Tree.” Bill suggested.  
  
“Oh, that's a good idea! Okay, see you tomorrow, hot stuff!” She hung up.  
  
Bill stared at the phone and hung it up slowly. “...Riiiight. I guess she hasn't gotten the hint yet.” He walked back over to the living room and found that Dipper had fallen asleep on the couch. “Aw, little sapling.” He picked him up and started for the stairs, pausing when he heard the door open.  
  
“Okay, tomorrow night we do it for sure.” Mabel said as she entered with Gideon.  
  
“I hope you're talking about something that's not X-Rated.” Bill commented.  
  
“Wha—no! We're talking about freeing the merman!” Mabel nodded. “He's trapped and wants to go home!”  
  
“He's not exactly held captive, he's just unable to get back to the ocean.” Gideon informed Bill. “I'll see you tomorrow, then.”  
  
“Oh yeah, Grendo said that she's coming over tomorrow. Wanted to talk to you. Also, I need to get my physical form recharged.” Bill started up the stairs again.  
  
“I'll call Pacifica over, then.” Gideon nodded. “After the work day is done.”  
  
“Thanks, Gideon. I'm taking Pine Tree to bed now, so say your good nights and then you should get home.”  
  
“Good night, Bill.” Gideon nodded, then turned to Mabel. “I'll see you tomorrow morning.”  
  
“I'm making breakfast tomorrow, so be there.” Mabel smiled and kissed his cheek. “Good night, Gideon.”  
  
He nodded and headed out, climbing on his horse and riding away.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since we're out anyway, let's actually go on a date.
> 
> ((A.N.: Yes, the actual episode had that ridiculous explanation. I couldn't think of any way that made more sense, so we're going to just assume Mermando hit his head one too many times and doesn't fully remember HOW he got into the pool. Certainly not by bouncing around all over the place.))


	52. Mission Merpossible!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Mabel and Gideon are preparing to rescue Mermando, Bill decides that they all will free the helpless fish-boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“You are NOT going on a date two nights in a row.” Bill said, crossing his arms over his chest. Next to him, Dipper copied his motions and put on his best serious face. “You are 12, that's much too young to be out all night with a boy all week. Not to mention the fact that you're _lying_ to us.”  
  
“Wait, she is?” Dipper looked at Bill.  
  
“H-How do you know?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Because I used my Sight to check on what you were doing when you came back later than 10:00pm.” Bill sighed heavily. “You know, if you want to go help the merman, you just need to say so. I'll even help you save the poor creature.”  
  
“Wait, there's a merman?” Dipper asked.  
  
“We really did go see a movie, though.” Gideon said, setting down his fork. “So, we _did_ actually go on a date. And we DID tell you about going to see the merman.”  
  
“Uh-huh, and if you're going again tonight then I'm going with you.” Bill told him. “Stan was pretty pissed when he found out you came back so late and told me to keep an eye on you.”  
  
“You told him?” Mabel frowned.  
  
“He asked, and I don't feel like pissing him off by lying or saying I don't know.” Bill shrugged. “Anyways, if you want to go and rescue the merman, we can do that during the day. All we need is a freak snowstorm to clear out the pool and I'll get the merman out.”  
  
“I could conjure one up. But, why during the day?” Gideon asked.  
  
“Because Grendo is coming over tonight?” Bill raised an eyebrow. “Not to mention everyone else. We're almost at 48 hours, remember?”  
  
“Oh, sorry!” Mabel cringed. “I forgot, I was so focused on Mermando!”  
  
“I wanna meet the merman.” Dipper spoke up.  
  
Stan came into the room. “What's going on? A merman?”  
  
“There's a merman at the pool and Mabel and Gideon have been trying to help him go home!” Dipper looked at him. “That's why they were out so late!”  
  
Stan took his seat and Bill served him up a plate of eggs, pancakes and toast – they hadn't been eating bacon since Mabel got Waddles. Stan told her absolutely no pet chickens. “So, that's why. Well, hey, if it involves breaking something out, I'm all for it! How can I help?”  
  
“We were going to create a freak snowstorm and force people to leave the pool.” Gideon told him.  
  
“Won't that freeze the fish-guy?” Stan asked.  
  
“I'll get him out before he freezes.” Bill assured him. “We WILL need a driver, though. Bud might want to put the poor guy to work in the side-show.”  
  
“You kidding? We don't have room with the Gobblewonker, plus we'd have to pay him!” Stan shook his head firmly. “Nuh-uh! No mermen! I will drive, though.”  
  
“Alright, let's go after breakfast. The sooner the better, especially with the kids all coming over today to do the spell.” Bill poured some more juice into Dipper's empty glass.  
  
“Can I help?” Dipper asked. “Can I help the merman?”  
  
“You can help by staying in the truck.” Stan told him. “Bill's coming, so you have to come along but it's gonna get cold so you'll be in the truck with the heater running. Wait, what truck are we using?”  
  
“Jesus has a truck.” Gideon reminded him.  
  
“Why don't you ever just call him 'Soos'?” Mabel asked.  
  
“For the same reason I call Stanford 'Stanford'.” Gideon shrugged. “It's his name. I don't feel I have grown close enough to Jesus to use a nickname and anyways I only use nicknames for you or Pacifica.”  
  
“I bet Pacifica's nicknames aren't as gooey.” Dipper grinned.  
  
“No, just cute ones I've used since I was first able to talk.” Gideon smiled softly.  
  
“You don't call me 'William'.” Bill commented.  
  
“Would you like me to?” Gideon asked.  
  
“Uh, no.” Bill glanced to the side. “That would be weird.”  
  
“How come?” Dipper asked.  
  
“It just would be, okay? Let's finish eating and then go get fish-boy back in the sea.” Bill got up with his empty plate and glass and went to wash it.  
  
“Okay.” Dipper finished off his juice and then grabbed his empty plate to take it to the sink.  
  
“His name is Mermando.” Mabel said, going back to her food.  
  
“Don't care.” Bill took Dipper's dishes and started to wash them.  
  
“Hey, where's Waddles?” Dipper wandered off to find him.  
  
Mabel looked where he went. “He's asleep on my bed, remember? We left the door open for him?”  
  
“Oh, yeah.” Dipper came back into the kitchen and started drying dishes for Bill.  
  
“How do you get him to do things for you without asking?” Stan asked.  
  
“I _did_ ask.” Bill tapped his head. “We're still mentally linked.”  
  
“How often do you guys talk without talking?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Pretty often.” Gideon commented. “I catch a few things here and there, but I don't really try to listen in on their conversations.”  
  
“That sounds useful.” Stan picked up his empty plate and brought it over. “Breakfast was good, Mabel.”  
  
“Thank you.” Mabel smiled.  
  
“You guys get ready to go, I'll finish these dishes and then join you.” Bill told them.  
  
“Me too?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Get your shoes on.” Bill nodded to him.  
  
“Okay.” Dipper headed out of the kitchen.  
  
–  
  
“Everyone ready?” Stan asked as they drove up to the pool. “Spells ready?”  
  
“I brought the book.” Gideon climbed out of the truck and moved out of view of anyone that might be looking out to the street before he started to chant. “Winds of the mountains, cool the town. Make the temperature go down. Bring the cold and bring the snow, make the clouds release their flow!”  
  
“That was poetic.” Bill remarked, looking up at the sky. “Did it work?”  
  
Gideon repeated the chant a couple more times and then the temperature dropped. Bill took off his coat and wrapped it around the young mage and then looked around at the snow falling onto the street. Right on cue, the pool gate opened and people scrambled for their cars, pulling their clothes on as they went. “Alright, I'm gonna get the fish. Wait here.” He flew off.  
  
Gideon watched him go, then looked at the tank of water they'd brought. “...I hope it won't freeze.”  
  
“Cast a heating spell on it.” Stan shrugged.  
  
“Alright.” Gideon placed his hand on the tank and muttered a spell to keep it from freezing.  
  
Bill came back out with Mermando shivering and gasping for breath in his arms. “Sorry about that, fish.” Bill said, then looked at Gideon. “You can take away the snow now.”  
  
Gideon nodded and muttered the counter-spell – the original spell backwards, apparently – and then the snow stopped falling before the temperature warmed up again, melting the snow and ice. The swimmers, while confused by the strange weather, were happy to go back into the pool.  
  
“Hurry, let's get him in the tank.” Mabel said anxiously. Bill nodded and put Mermando in the tank, where he let out a gasp to take in the water's “air” and shifted in the tank before looking at them.  
  
“What...happened?” Mermando asked, poking his head out of the water.  
  
“We got you out of the pool. Hang on, fish, we're gonna take you to the lake.” Bill took his coat back and pulled it on. “Gideon, get in and buckle up. Stan, drive. I'll stay out here with the fish.”  
  
“Fish?” Mermando frowned. “I'm not a--”  
  
“Don't care. You are 'fish' because, as far as I'm concerned, once you are gone I won't see you again so I'm not bothering to learn your name.” Bill waved his hand dismissively.  
  
“You're very mean.” Mermando commented.  
  
“Stan, why aren't we driving yet?” Bill looked at him.  
  
“Because Gideon just buckled in.” Stan rolled his eyes and drove off towards the lake.  
  
–  
  
“Be careful, okay? Don't get caught again.” Mabel said as they took Mermando to the dock.  
  
“You can reach the river from here, do you need us to show you the way in a boat?” Gideon asked.  
  
“No, I believe I can find my way. Thank you both, you've been so kind.” Mermando jumped into the water and swam around in a circle for a bit to stretch his arms and tail before he looked back at them. “Thank you! I will send you letters by bottle!” He promised, and then swam away.  
  
“Bye-bye, Mr. Merman-doe!” Dipper waved enthusiastically as he swam away.  
  
“Let's get back.” Bill looked at his hand, which was looking a bit transparent. “I'm losing this form.”  
  
“We'll call the others on the way.” Mabel promised him. “Let's go back to the Shack and give Soos back his truck.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mersicles, anyone?
> 
> ((A.N: Sorry for the long wait, I've had a depressing and stressful past few weeks. I'm trying to update regardless.))


	53. Sleepover!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Mermando off to find the ocean. Grenada proposes something fun for the girls to do!

“So that was why the town was covered in snow for a bit.” Pacifica commented. “I should've figured it was magic.”

“You were watching the town?” Gideon asked.

“Bill, how do you feel?” Dipper asked.

“Tangible.” Bill flexed his fingers and ran a hand through his hair, deliberately avoiding the bangs that covered his other eye. “For the next 48 hours, that is.”

“Great!” Grenda beamed. “Then we can discuss having our _sleepover_ ~!”

“Pardon?” Gideon looked at her.

“Girls only. Pacifica, would you like to join us?” Mabel looked at her.

Pacifica looked thoughtful. “Uhm...sure. Let me ask my parents if it's okay.” She stepped out of the room.

“A sleepover? Where are they going to sleep?” Bill asked.

“In my room.” Mabel shrugged.

“What about your brother?” Bill asked.

“Would you mind taking him to the couch with you?” Mabel asked him.

“The couch? What about my shows?!” Stan protested. “Dipper never sleeps when they're on!”

“They're noisy.” Dipper nodded.

“Well, where else do we have?” Mabel gave an exasperated sigh.

“We'll figure something out.” Stan sighed. “I guess...one night won't hurt.”

Pacifica came back in. “They said I can, but only because you're practically family.”

“Great! You can have a butler bring your stuff while you and I get started! Candy, Grenda, why don't you go and get your sleepover things?” Mabel suggested.

“Already brought them!” They said in unison with identical grins.

“I think I should clear out. It's going to be noisy.” Gideon commented to Stan.

“Yeah. If you kids need anything, I will be in the basement with Tyrone.” Stan headed out of the room.

“Hold on.” Bill followed Stan out. “Stan, hey, I thought there was another room in this place?”

“I took it out.” Stan said, shaking his head and walking away.

“You took it...but it...” Bill paused. “Probably for the best. Yeah.”

“Come on, let's go do our hair and makeup!” Mabel herded the other girls upstairs, all of them giggling excitedly.

Gideon walked over to stand next to Bill and watch them go up the stairs. “...And not even a month ago, she wouldn't have been caught dead in the same room as them for longer than an hour.”

“Did Star even say good night?” Bill asked him.

“No, but that's alright. She's never been able to have a sleepover before, so she's excited.” Gideon shrugged. “I'll see her tomorrow.”

“You've really matured from when you first started dating her. Used to be you'd be pissed off about any obstacle. Heck, you even were okay with her helping the merman earlier.” Bill placed a hand on his shoulder.

“...Truthfully, I wanted him gone as soon as possible.” Gideon admitted. “Anyways, as I said, it's going to get noisy. Good luck.” He walked over to the door.

“Mabel, can I get changed for bed before you get all noisy?” Dipper asked, going upstairs.

Bill sighed heavily. “Okay...it's going to be a long night.” He followed Dipper upstairs.

–

“Hey, Bill, we're playing dress-up, wanna join us?” Grenda asked, coming downstairs.

“If this is an excuse for you ogle at my bare chest again, I told you before that I do not like being ogled at or being exposed.” Bill said, flipping channels to find something good to watch.

“Oh, come on! If you've got it, show it!” Grenda grinned.

Bill lowered the remote and looked past her where the other girls were peeking into the doorway. “I refuse to join your strange boy-crazy games. I am babysitting, go indulge yourself with fictional guys and leave me out of it.”

“Come on, I have so many cool outfits for you to try on! Please?” Mabel asked.

“Just make a double to watch Dipper.” Pacifica shrugged.

“Fine. Fine! On one condition.” Bill stood up. “Pine Tree's coming too, and NO PEEKING. Having Grendo trying to get into the trailer while I was getting dressed was REALLY unpleasant.”

“I just wanna see how human your body is.” Grenda said unashamedly with a grin.

“Why? Why are you so obsessed with touching my fleshy disguise? It's not even really me, it's just...a form I take on. I'm not normally...this. It's magic, just magic. Why won't you leave it alone?” Bill slapped his hand to his forehead.

“Because it's hot.” The girls all said in unison, and then Pacifica blushed and hid her face in Mabel's back.

“Little Miss Northwest, even you?” Bill sighed heavily. “Anyways, that's my condition for joining this game of yours. No peeking, and nothing humiliating.”

“What do you define as 'humiliating'?” Mabel asked.

“I'll _tell_ you if it's humiliating.” Bill assured her.

“What's going on?” Dipper asked, coming into the living room with a double of Bill's and a bowl of popcorn.

“Bring the popcorn upstairs, little brother. It's time for a FASHION SHOW~!” Mabel grinned and the girls scurried upstairs.

“Oh goody.” Bill sighed heavily and called back his double before leading Dipper upstairs.

–

“How do you think things are up there?” Tyrone asked as he handed Stan a wrench.

“Probably hazardous for you.” Stan said, taking the tool and kneeling next to the large machine.

“Bill said to not work on this this summer.” Tyrone said softly.

“Bill says a lot of things. Bill doesn't have to know I'm doing this.” Stan wiped sweat off his brow and then adjusted another bolt. “I wish I could figure out what I'm missing. I mean, aside from the other two pieces of the blueprint.”

“Why are you so set on this?” Tyrone asked.

“Because it's been 30 years. 30 long years without him.” Stan stepped back and then went to the console. “Tyrone, go back behind the tarp.”

“Yes, Grunkle Stan.” Tyrone headed back to his sheltered cot in the safe zone.

Stan sighed and pulled out a book with a six-fingered hand on the front and the number 1 written on. “What am I missing here? I need to look at those other books...but Gideon's real protective of his, and Bill would be suspicious if I asked to borrow the third one from Dipper.” He opened it and flipped through the pages. “I just...I can't wait on this. Why can't Bill understand?”

“Maybe he has a good reason. I mean, this is the guy that put him in the closet.” Tyrone offered helpfully.

“I'm sure he had his reasons. I mean, Bill seems like a nice guy now, but why would there be all those warnings if he's always been?” Stan hung his head. “I just...don't know.”

–

“No. I said it before and I'll say it again. Purple is NOT my color. I will wear the blue one.” Bill reached for a sparkly sequined outfit, ignoring the Elvis-style purple and black one Mabel was offering him.

“Mabel, I'm getting sleepy.” Dipper rubbed at his eye. “When can Bill go?”

“What do you have against purple?” Mabel asked.

“Actually, I don't like this shade of blue, either.” Bill put the outfit back. “Don't you have any gold?”

“I've got white and gold.” Mabel pulled out an outfit. “I don't know if it's ready to be worn, though. I'm still working on it.”

“I'll try that. But this is the last outfit, I have to take Pine Tree to bed.” Bill took the outfit and went to the closet, closing it almost all the way behind him.

“Aww, already?” Grenda pouted.

“But we have so much more camera space left.” Candy said, looking at her camera.

“We'll save it for next time. He's right, Dipper needs to go to bed. And if Bill uses his double too much, it could reduce the time we have with his physical form.” She leaned in close to the others. “We can snap pictures of him sleeping.” She whispered.

“Bill should be a rock star, he's so cute.” Grenda grinned. “Think he can play any instruments?”

“Let's ask him.” Mabel nodded.

Bill stepped out of the closet, dressed in the new outfit. “Well, I feel silly. Have your fun, take pictures, and then I'm changing and we're done for the night. You can play your games, instead of pestering me.”

“Strike a pose!” Candy raised the camera to her eyes.

Bill rolled his eye and did a runway pose. “Like this?”

“Yep!” The girls said as Candy took a picture. “Another one now!”

“You girls are so lucky I have an infinite amount of patience.” Bill said, doing another pose.

“Oh, oh, do this one!” Mabel pointed to a pose on the Sev'ral Timez poster on her wall.

“Sure, sure.” Bill copied the pose and Candy took the picture while Mabel and Grenda cheered.

Dipper yawned and lay down on his bed. “Maaaabeeeeel, I'm sleepy!”

“Okay, okay, one more pose.” Mabel told him, then showed Bill another picture of a man in a sexy pose.

“No, I'm not doing that one. I put up with the posing at the pool, I put up with the poses so far, but that one is downright erotic and I won't do it. I'm done.” Bill went back into the closet.

“Whoops, too far?” Mabel closed the magazine. “Sorry, Bill!”

She got a “hmph” in reply and then the other clothes were thrown at her when Bill came out dressed in his usual suit. Then Bill walked over and picked up Dipper before whisking him out of the room and shutting the door behind him.

“Yep. Too far.” Pacifica looked up from painting her nails.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bill ran out of patience with Mabel's antics.


	54. The Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soos finds a boarded up room that has a strange carpet that makes Mabel and Dipper switch bodies! Luckily, Bill is there to keep things calm, but what to do with the room now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Are you still mad?” Mabel asked.  
  
“You snuck up on me when you thought I was asleep and flashed a camera in my face.” Bill stirred the pancake mix aggressively. “Yes, I am mad."  
  
“Bill needs his own room.” Dipper sighed. “Think Tyrone will let you have his cot?”  
  
“Dudes, look what I found!” Soos came into the kitchen. “I found another room behind some peeling wallpaper!”  
  
“Another room?” Bill looked over.  
  
“Oh, heh, yeah I forgot that was there. Let's go see it after breakfast.” Stan offered.  
  
“Sure!” Mabel and Dipper nodded.  
  
“Is Gideon coming over today?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Well, he's working at the Tent, so probably.” Stan shrugged.  
  
Bill put the mix on the griddle and watched the pancakes cook, keeping his thoughts even away from Dipper. Dipper was feeling a bit concerned, but wasn't sure how to bring it up without causing a fuss from the others.  
  
–  
  
“So...here it is!” Stan said, standing next to the open door. “The extra room I forgot I boarded up! Heh, I guess I figured I didn't need it, but that was before Soos was here otherwise I would've offered it to him as a break room!”  
  
“That's okay, Mr. Pines, I like my current break room.” Soos smiled.  
  
“It's a storage closet.” Bill said pointedly. “Anyway, it was probably better that you boarded this place up. A lot of black magic was cast in here.”  
  
“How do you know?” Stan asked.  
  
“I can feel it. Even now, the trace energy is lingering.” Bill stood outside the room, looking in.  
  
“Ohh, a fuzzy carpet!” Mabel and Dipper ran in.  
  
“Wait! Be careful!” Stan and Bill said in unison as the kids ran in.  
  
“We're fine!” Mabel said as they ran onto the carpet. “Ohh, fuzzy!” She stamped her socked feet on it a bit.  
  
“I like it!” Dipper did the same.  
  
“No, no, no, don't do that!” Bill cried, and then a spark shot up from the blanket and hit both kids, knocking them down.  
  
“Kids!” Stan ran in. “Are you okay?!”  
  
“Pine Tree?! Shooting Star?!” Bill hesitated before stepping into the room after Stan.  
  
“We're okay, Grunkle Stan.” Dipper said, sitting up and rubbing his head.  
  
“Bill? I feel funny. And my teeth feel funny.” Mabel ran her tongue on her teeth. “Ahh! Braces! Why do I have braces?!” She looked over at Dipper. “Uhh...Maaaabeeeel?”  
  
“Okay, wow, this is weird.” Dipper started to play with his hair. “I can't let Gideon see me like this! How do we fix it, Bill?”  
  
“Okay, calm down.” Bill stood at the edge of the carpet. “It looked like you did it by causing friction on the carpet, so if you do what you did before, you should change back. Just to be safe, anyone else should get off it.” He nodded to Stan. “Come on, Stan. Let's back off.”  
  
“You sure this will work?” Stan asked, looking at the kids that were starting to panic.  
  
“I'm guessing.” Bill admitted.  
  
“Okay, kids. Try it.” Stan nodded.  
  
“Okay...” They did as Bill said to, looking at each other nervously. What if this didn't work? Suddenly the spark flew out again and they were both floored once more. “Ow!”  
  
“Ohh, my head.” Mabel groaned and checked herself over. “It worked! Dipper, are you okay?” She looked at him.  
  
“Uh-huh. Let's not have the fuzzy carpet in here, it's weird.” Dipper rolled off of it.  
  
“Good idea. Off it, Mabel.” Stan started to kneel down to roll it up.  
  
“Ah, Stan, let me.” Bill held out a hand. “And we can probably hide this thing away in the basement. Who knows, could come in handy sometime!”  
  
“Yeah.” Stan nodded, standing up. “So, what do you think? You wanna live in here?”  
  
Bill pursed his lips. “...Might...be a good idea, yeah. At least until I can get rid of the excess energy. Who knows what it'd do to anyone else?”  
  
“Good. I'll have to change the locks, I lost the key.” Stan admitted. “But, that's not a problem. Easy buy and fix. No more girls sneaking up on you in the night, eh?” He nudged him playfully. “You casanova.”  
  
“Yes, thank you. I did NOT enjoy that. And one of those was your niece.” Bill reminded him.  
  
“She can look, as long as there's no touching.” Stan shrugged.  
  
“I can? Really?” Mabel asked as she got up and started to leave the carpet.  
  
“Oh, great, now you've given her _permission_ to peep on me!” Bill did a dramatic sigh. “You humans and your lack of personal boundaries!”  
  
“No, most humans have those. Mabel just doesn't respect them, not even mine.” Stan walked away. “While we're getting you a new doorknob, you wanna go pick out furniture? I'd say you've earned t, and we have loads of money.”  
  
Bill rolled up the carpet once Mabel was off it and headed for the basement. “Sure, sounds more fun than picking out clothes.”  
  
Dipper looked around the room before he noticed a pair of glasses on a desk and reached for them. “Mabel, I think Grunkle Stan forgot his glasses!”  
  
“Hm?” Mabel walked over to look at them. “Huh, guess he had a spare in here. Let's take it to him.” She picked it up and headed out of the room with Dipper following.  
  
“I bet it's a really old spersciption.” Dipper said as they got to the hall.  
  
–  
  
“You're closing shop early?” Gideon asked curiously. “Why?”  
  
“We found a room I'd boarded up--”  
  
“You seem to do that a lot.” Gideon commented.   
  
Stan gave him a look and continued. “We found a room I'd boarded up and decided to let Bill stay in it. We're gonna go by him a new doorknob and some furniture. No more taking up my couch!”  
  
“How generous of you.” Gideon looked over at Bill. “What caused this?”  
  
“That sleepover your cousin was in.” Bill said, sweeping the floor. “They snuck up on me while I was napping and took my picture, with the flash on. I need privacy and a locked door.”  
  
“Sounds unpleasant.” Gideon nodded.  
  
“Grunkle Stan!” Dipper went over to him. “Grunkle Stan, we found your glasses but you've been busy so I didn't want to bother you.”  
  
“My glasses?” Stan looked at him. “I have my glasses.”  
  
“We mean your spares. You must've left them in that room when you boarded it up.” Mabel held out the pair of glasses.  
  
Stan looked stunned as they were shown to him and slowly took them. “Oh...yeah. These. Thanks, kids.” He pocketed them and then turned back to Gideon. “Anyways, you can stay open longer, or you can join us on the shopping trip.”  
  
“While that sounds fun, I think I'll stay here and bring money in. Especially since you're about to spend a lot.” Gideon smiled a bit. “You all enjoy yourselves, though.”  
  
“Want us to get you something?” Stan asked.  
  
“No, but thank you anyway.” Gideon headed for the door. “I have to feed the Gobblewonker.”  
  
“Yeesh, good luck with that. Darn thing almost took my arm off.” Stan rubbed his arm.  
  
“Telekinesis.” Gideon ran a hand over his amulet and opened the door. “I'd like to see the room when it's furnished.”  
  
“Sure, no problem with that.” Bill gave a thumbs-up.  
  
“Have fun picking out the curtains, then.” Gideon smiled and walked out.  
  
“Right. Everyone ready to go, then?” Stan asked, flipping the sign.  
  
“Let's go!” Mabel grinned and headed out, Dipper following close behind.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, at least this room didn't have murderous wax figures!


	55. Interior Decorating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time to furnish Bill's room!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Hey, Bill?” Mabel asked as they browsed different beds in the furniture store.  
  
“Might be cheaper to ask Red's dad to build something. Yes, Star?” Bill looked at her.  
  
“You can create illusions, right?” Mabel played with her hair.  
  
“Uh, what do you think this form is? Yes. Why?” Bill looked back at the display beds.  
  
“Grenda was going to bring a book series over, said it was a surprise, and I thought it'd be cool if you could create illusions of the scenes, make it more...involved?” Mabel ran her hand on the wood thoughtfully.  
  
“That depends on the series. If it's something that you wouldn't watch in theaters, I'm not doing it.” Bill glanced at her. “If it's safe for kids, though, I don't see why not. Pine Tree would enjoy it.”  
  
“Okay, good. Just wanted to get that cleared up.” Mabel nodded.  
  
“How about this black wood one? It fits your asthetic.” Stan commented. “And if the Shack wasn't doing so awesome I'd be cringing at this price.”  
  
Bill laughed and walked over to look at it. “Hmm...I do like the feel of the wood...this carved design is nice. Yeah, I think this will do nicely.”  
  
“Great, we'll buy it. Anything else you want? Your own couch, maybe?” Stan shrugged.  
  
“Can I get a piano?” Bill grinned.  
  
“Uhh, that's in the music store. And, sure, why not? Long as you don't play badly at all hours of the day.” Stan shrugged.  
  
“You play piano?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Fluently.” Bill stretched his arms and fingers out. “I'll show you when we get to the store.”  
  
Mabel clapped her hands together excitedly. “Yes, please!”  
  
“Okay, but you want a couch?” Stan asked.  
  
“Sure, maybe Question Mark can nap on it when he's on break.” Bill ran his hand over the bed again and then walked off to look at the couches while Stan took note of the bed's number.  
  
**–**  
  
“Why didn't you tell me you could play piano?” Dipper asked on the way home. They'd arranged for everything to be delivered that day, though it was a bit more expensive, and were leading the truck over.  
  
“Wasn't important.” Bill shrugged.  
  
“Maybe next time you'll play something a bit simpler and not get the whole store crowding you.” Stan commented. “What did you play, anyway?”  
  
“Uh, you wouldn't know it. It's a song from the planet Glit'hen.” Bill shook his head. “I've got lots of songs I know, even from this world, so if you ever want me to play something in particular, just request it.”  
  
“Even in the past 30 years?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Well, I might have to listen to the song a few times first.” Bill admitted.  
  
“Can you sing, too?” Mabel asked eagerly.  
  
“Maybe you can join Robbie on the stage.” Stan suggested.  
  
“And cramp his style? Besides, I'm busy selling the clones.” Bill laughed. “I'll play for the family, but not for public. No. You saw what happened if I do that.” He leaned back in his seat. “One of them tried to steal my coat. This is a one-of-a-kind coat!”  
  
Dipper giggled.  
  
When they arrived back at the Shack, they parked and got out to help the deliverymen bring in the purchases. “How are we gonna get the piano in? Take out a wall?” Stan asked, scratching his head.  
  
“Hm...hold on.” Bill held out a hand. “Stand back! Back, please!”  
  
The humans looked at each other, confused, but did as he said. Bill then walked over to the furniture. “Let me see...hm...” He snapped his fingers and the items disappeared. “Alright, now to see if I did it right!” He headed inside.  
  
“Wait, what did you do?” Stan asked, following him in.  
  
Everything was in an odd pile, but the furniture had all made it to Bill's room. He floated one off the other and carefully rearranged everything in the room while Stan gawked. “What? It's just magic.” Bill chuckled, shifting a desk to the side to make room for the piano. “My concern was if the teleportation spell worked!”  
  
“You can teleport?” Dipper asked, poking his head in with Mabel.  
  
“Usually, yes. But I don't have all my powers right now, so I wasn't sure if it would work.” Bill admitted. “Hm, should've bought some bedding.”  
  
“Give me a design and I'll knit you bedding.” Mabel grinned.  
  
“Sure, since you're offering.” Bill shrugged. “Got a sketchbook?”  
  
“I'll bring one down.” Mabel skipped off to get it.  
  
Dipper went over and climbed up onto Bill's mattress. “Ohh, nice and big!”  
  
“I'll have Soos put in the new doorknob we got.” Stan said, setting the package on a dresser. “So, uh...you're really okay with this?”  
  
“Yeah.” Bill nodded. “A lot roomier than a closet, that's for sure.”  
  
“Yeah.” Stan brought the glasses he'd been given out and started to clean them. “Well, we'll have the new doorknob on before the next sleepover.”  
  
“Whenever that is.” Bill shrugged.  
  
Mabel came back with her sketchbook and color pencils. “Here, draw whatever design you want!”  
  
“I'll get it back to you soon.” Bill grinned and went over to the desk, pulling up the chair and sitting down.  
  
“Should we get you a hat-rack? Will your hat stay on the rack, or will it float?” Dipper asked, walking over to climb into his lap.  
  
“Let's go open up the shop for the time we have left.” Mabel suggested to Stan, leaving the demon and her brother alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Moving in is so much easier when you can teleport things!


	56. Wolfman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for another sleepover, and Grenda has a treat for the girls! Meanwhile, Bill teaches Dipper piano.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“And that about finishes it! All done, Mr. Cipher!” Soos stood up with his toolbox.  
  
“Nice.” Bill tested the doorknob and nodded. “Good. Okay, Shooting Star NOW you can let the girls come over again.”  
  
“Oh, goody!” Mabel clapped her hands together and pulled out her cell-phone, speed-dialing a number. “Hey, Grenda! Bill said it's okay to come over again!”  
  
“He's not mad anymore?” Grenda asked.  
  
“Well, he is, but he's also got a locked bedroom of his own so we can't bother him in his sleep.” Mabel giggled.  
  
“I'm not mad, I'm just annoyed. There's a difference.” Bill corrected her. “And turn your phone's volume down, you'll go deaf.”  
  
“Who are you, my dad?” Mabel stuck out her tongue at him.  
  
“No, I'm the live-in family friend that doesn't want to hear both sides of your conversations.” Bill rolled his eye.  
  
“Then don't listen.” Mabel walked away with the phone to continue talking to Grenda.  
  
“Right.” Bill tested the key in the lock to make sure it worked and then closed the door.  
  
–  
  
“Oh my gooosh, that's a big bag. What's in it?” Mabel asked excitedly.  
  
“I'll show you when we get to the room.” Grenda grinned. “Candy's on the way, she wanted to bring her hands-free popcorn-eating machine.”  
  
“That sounds like it'll be delicious. Pacifica's coming by limo, should be here soon. Can I at least take a peek?” Mabel reached for the bag.  
  
“Hold your horses.” Grenda laughed. “So, did you ask him?”  
  
“He said he would, but only if it's something I'd feel comfortable with Dipper seeing.” Mabel nodded.  
  
“Aw, darn. I suppose I'll just have to narrate it for you guys, there's no way your brother can see this.” She opened it a bit to show Mabel the cover. “I brought all thirty-seven volumes.” She said in a conspiring tone.  
  
“What if someone else watched Dipper? He could go down to the basement, maybe.” Mabel bounced on the balls of her feet. “Or Soos could watch him...mm...”  
  
“What is it?” Bill reached into the bag from behind Grenda and took the first volume out. “Whoa-ho-hoooo, Shooting Star! I don't think you want anyone else knowing you're reading this stuff.” He looked at her. “I thought you were 12?”  
  
“I aaaam, but it looks so good!” Mabel reached for it.  
  
“I think description and your imagination is gonna be as far as you get today. I see enough weird dreams without you having graphic recollection of me creating illusions of this book.” He put the book back in Grenda's bag. “But, hey, have fun! I'm not gonna tell on you. Just try to keep it down.”  
  
They heard a knock on the door and Mabel ran to open it. Grenda leaned towards Bill. “If you didn't have Dipper to worry about, or if she were older, would you?” She asked.  
  
“Sure, sounds like it'd be fun. Maybe when you girls are older, I'll do it.” Bill shrugged. “But, not right now. I make really good illusions.”  
  
“Show me one.” Grenda grinned.  
  
“You've seen them. Remember when I had the ears and tail on Summerween?” Bill shrugged. “Illusion.”  
  
“But it felt so real!” She gasped.  
  
“Hello, the girls are all here!” Mabel skipped into the room with Candy and Pacifica walking in behind her. “Candy caught a ride with Pacifica. Are we ready? I baked cookies!”  
  
“You kids have fun, I'm taking Pine Tree into the room to teach him piano.” Bill headed over to the living room to scoop up Dipper. “Hey, where the heck is Stan?”  
  
“Probably the basement again. He's down there a lot.” Mabel replied.  
  
“Why the heck is he in the basement so often?” Bill wondered aloud.  
  
“He might also be feeding the Gobblewonker!” Mabel said as Bill passed them with Dipper in hand.  
  
“Bye, Mabel! Have fun! Me and Bill are gonna have fun without you!” Dipper said, waving both hands.  
  
“Right.” Mabel nodded. “Let's go, girls!” She headed for the kitchen to get the cookies.  
  
“This is gonna be great!” Candy said excitedly.  
  
“Pacifica, can you help me with the pitcher and glasses?” Mabel asked. “This is a big plate of cookies.”  
  
“Uhm...” Pacifica looked around and then sighed. “O-Okay, but don't tell my parents I handled the dishes, okay? They will freak.”  
  
“It's not like we're asking you to help wash them.” Grenda said, heading up ahead of them with Candy to get things ready.  
  
–  
  
“Alright, sit here next to me. Have you ever played the piano before?” Bill asked.  
  
“Mom got me a baby piano when I was 3. But it only had ten keys. This has...a bajillion.” He looked at the long row of keys.  
  
“Cosmos forbid I get a dual organ.” Bill chuckled and started to play a few simple notes. “Alright, just copy what I'm doing here. I'll teach you how to read music later, for now we'll just learn about hand placement and simple tunes.”  
  
“Okay.” Dipper nodded.  
  
“Now, follow along. Here, put your hands like this...good...spread them out a bit wider.” Bill demonstrated what to do.  
  
“Like this?” Dipper asked, copying him.  
  
“Yes, good. Now, let's--” Bill cut himself off and looked up as they heard a chorus of....moans? He sighed and continued. “Copy my movements.” There was another chorus of moans and he slammed his hands on the keys before standing up. “Wait here.” He walked over and opened the door. “What if Stan was hearing that, huh?” He closed the door behind him and walked up the stairs, opening the door without knocking. “Hey, Star? I know that you're reading about sex, but you don't have to sound like you're _having_ it.”  
  
Mabel and the girls went pink in the face and then Grenda grinned at him. “We were that loud?”  
  
“Yes. Keep the record-breaking volumes for your honeymoons, girls. No one in this house wants to hear your prepubescent sounds of arousal.” Bill crossed his arms over his chest. “And, if you can't, I'm taking the books away.”  
  
“Party-pooper.” Candy stuck out her tongue at him.  
  
“Please, continue moaning as loud as you can for every pervert in the woods to hear. Maybe you'll attract a horny werewolf! And, trust me, they AREN'T like that book.” Bill shook his head and shut the door, walking downstairs.  
  
–  
  
“He's right, we were being pretty loud.” Pacifica said sheepishly. “Uhm, how about we do something else? I haven't...been to many sleepovers...”  
  
“What ones have you been to?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Just ones with Gideon, and we spend them with him showing me different spells, mostly light shows. He usually invites me over for them when I'm feeling really down about something.” Pacifica fiddled with her nightgown. “So, uhm...what should we do?”  
  
“Well, I've never been to a sleepover, but I heard that there's this one thing that girls at sleepovers do.” Mabel spoke up. “I've heard about it in the bathroom at school, back in California. Late at night, one girl is dared by the others to take a candle into the dark bathroom and say 'Bloody Mary' three times.”  
  
“Oh no, we're not doing that.” Pacifica shook her head.  
  
“Nothing happens, though. It's about as real as Slenderman.” Mabel shrugged.  
  
“Do you _really_ want to risk a demon-summoning ritual – for a dangerous demon – in Gravity Falls?” Grenda asked her. “California isn't full of actual monsters like the Gobblewonker.”  
  
“So, you've heard of it?” Mabel asked.  
  
“A transfer student tried to do it a few years back. Gideon burst in and stopped her, said that it wasn't a game. Apparently she planned to do it again, but went missing before she could.” Candy said in a stage whisper.  
  
“Wait, Gideon did? Where was she doing this?” Mabel asked.  
  
“In the girl's bathroom at school. She passed by him in the hall and by the time he realized what she was going to do she'd gone in and shut all the lights off, using a lighter as a candle. He surprised everyone by running in and grabbing her, the girl was freaking out.” Candy nodded.  
  
“Gideon can read minds, so he must've heard what she was going to do.” Mabel nodded. “So...you said the girl went missing?”  
  
“That's what Gideon said. He went to go find her and stop her a second time, but she was gone.” Pacifica glanced around. “She showed up again a few days later, with no memory of either event. Her parents moved her away the following week.”  
  
“That's insane.” Mabel whispered. “And not at all what I've heard Bloody Mary does.”  
  
“Oh, it's not Bloody Mary. Some people just forget things after they've been through frightening experiences.” Pacifica shook her head. “Anyways, that's why we never, ever, do anything that might summon a demon. He even got Ouija boards banned, because they've been known to summon demons or vengeful spirits.”  
  
“No one questions when Gideon says something should be banned or done. He's the town darling, and psychic.” Grenda nodded. “So, yeah. You ask me, those girls in California were lucky. But in Gravity Falls, we don't take chances.”  
  
“Unless, of course, it's giving Bill a solid form.” Mabel reminded them. “But, he's a nice demon.”  
  
“He is, yeah.” Pacifica nodded.  
  
“And soooo hot.” Grenda said in a dreamy voice.  
  
“So, uh...should we...get back to reading? We'll just...try not to moan too much.” Mabel nodded.  
  
“Good idea. Pass the cookies.” Pacifica held out her hand.  
  
“Listen, you can hear Bill playing piano.” Grenda said, looking at the floor.  
  
“He's good.” Mabel nodded. “Really good.”  
  
“You know, I think Gerard can wait. Let's go watch him play piano.” Grenda stood up, setting the book to the side.  
  
“Yeah, let's bring the snacks. Dipper wanted cookies, anyway.” Mabel nodded.  
  
“Do you think he'll let us sit on his bed?” Grenda asked.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coming up next, how many times am I gonna love ya?


	57. Black Magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's black magic in the town, and Robbie's got ahold of it. Meanwhile, a boy-band of identical boys is coming to perform for the folks in Gravity Falls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Mm, that had to be the best turkey sandwich I have ever eaten.” Mabel said as she and Gideon left a restaurant. “We're going back there next ti—ohh!” She ran over to a poster. “Oh. My. Gooooooooooosh! Gideon, look! Sev'ral Timez is coming to town~!”  
  
“Oh yeah, Pacifica was talking about that.” Gideon walked over to look at the poster.  
  
“I have gotta go! Can we go? Please?” She looked at him.  
  
Gideon chuckled. “Your wish is my command, darlin'. I'll buy the tickets today.”  
  
“Eee!” She hugged him happily. “Thank you~! I've never seen them in concert before, this is gonna be amazing!”  
  
Gideon smiled and hugged her. “Anything for you, Mabel-cakes.”  
  
 **–**  
  
“And so we're gonna go see them in concert tonight!” Mabel said, leaning on the counter happily. “Wooow, I feel so lucky!”  
  
“You know, I'm pretty sure that all those boy bands are clones. I mean, they all look alike.” Wendy said, lowering her magazine.  
  
“Eh, more likely they're brothers.” Bill commented. “Humans haven't really managed to properly make stable human clones. No offense, Tyrone.”  
  
“No offense taken, Mr. Cipher.” Tyrone beamed at him.  
  
“See? They're brothers!” Mabel looked at Wendy.  
  
“I dunno, they seem a little TOO alike. But, eh, maybe I just haven't seen enough twins to recognize one.” Wendy raised her magazine again. “Slow day today?”  
  
“Everyone's saving their money for the concert tickets, I guess.” Bill shrugged. “Hey, where's Robbie? He's late.”  
  
“He'll be here, said he wanted to bring something for me.” Wendy reached for her can of Pitt Soda.  
  
“Well, if he's much later I'm gonna smack him with his guitar.” Bill huffed.  
  
“Relax, Bill.” Mabel grinned. “Business is slow, we might close early today. Stan's not even on the shop floor right now.”  
  
“Yeah, where is he?” Bill went to look outside, where he last saw Stan go.  
  
Stan was talking with Susan on the couch, Dipper on his other side. “So, y'know, I figured since it's such a slow day we'll close up the shop. Gideon's keeping it open for his current group, but there were so few he's thinking of closing the Tent of Telepathy for the day.”  
  
“Well, what will you do with your day, then?” Susan asked.  
  
“I dunno, I was kind of thinking of going to have your pie.” Stan grinned.  
  
Dipper climbed off the couch and went over to Susan. “Can I call you Grauntie Susan?”  
  
“Oh my!” She gasped.  
  
“Dipper, it's a bit soon for that!” Stan laughed.  
  
“But, you are gonna marry her, right?” Dipper looked at him.  
  
“IIII...uhh..I think this is an uncomfortable subject for either of us right now! It's too soon, we've just started dating! Go back inside!” Stan nudged him gently.  
  
“Go on, dear. I put some pie in the kitchen for you all.” Susan smiled.  
  
“Okay!” Dipper walked over to Bill. “Let's go have pie.”  
  
“Stan, there's no customers right now. We closing?” Bill asked.  
  
“Yeah, flip the sign. Robbie ever show up?” Stan frowned.  
  
“Nope. Want me to use my Sight and make sure he didn't get grabbed by a monster?” Bill asked.  
  
“Nah, don't bother. He's fine.” Stan looked towards the road, where Robbie was getting out of Thompson's van.  
  
“Sorry I'm late, Thompson got a flat.” Robbie said, walking over.  
  
“Doesn't matter, with the boy band coming to town no one's coming to shop.” Bill shrugged.  
  
“Well, I'm here anyway. Wendy still here?” Robbie asked.  
  
“She's in the shop. Wanna help us clean up after the few customers we got?” Bill shrugged and went in.  
  
“Ehh...” Robbie looked like he was about to refuse but when both Stan and Bill glared at him he nodded. “Okay, sure! I'll just...go in and do that, then.”  
  
“Help Tyrone take the copy machine back to the study.” Bill said, watching him go.  
  
“Can I help?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Sure, might be better if you do it instead of Tyrone.” Bill shrugged. “Be careful, though.”  
  
“Okay! And then we can have pie!” Dipper walked in.  
  
“I'll give you some time alone.” Bill grinned at Stan and closed the door, turning to see Robbie talking to Wendy.  
  
“Yeah, so, I made this CD for you.” Robbie handed over a CD case. “You can listen to it now, if you want.”  
  
“Sure, okay.” Wendy looked at Mabel. “Mabel, can I borrow--”  
  
“On it, sister!” Mabel headed up to get her CD player.  
  
“Robbie, the machine?” Bill pointed to it.  
  
“Uh, right. I'll do that, while you listen to the CD.” Robbie headed over to help Dipper push the machine back into the study. “It's a good thing this thing has wheels. Be back in a bit, Wendy.”  
  
Mabel came down with the CD player and plugged it in. “Okay, Wendy, put it in!”  
  
Wendy took out the black CD and put it in the player, pushing play as soon as the lid was closed. “Honestly, this is sweet of him, but I'm kind of considering breaking up with him.”  
  
“Why?” Mabel asked.  
  
“He stood me up last night, I ended up eating dinner alone.” Wendy leaned on the counter as the music started to play. “Not like your date. Gideon is so great for you.”  
  
“I know, he's so sweet and knows how to treat a girl right. Like a fairytale prince!” Mabel squeed a bit.  
  
“Heh, I bet.” Wendy looked at the CD player, listening to the lyrics.  
  
 _When I think about you,_  
I feel feelings so deep  
I'm tossing and turning   
And you know I'm losing sleep  
You know I'm going crazy  
When I look into your eyes  
Just listen to this song and  
You'll be hypnotized!  
  
“That's disturbingly sappy, and short.” Bill commented. “I bet I could write better, eh, Red?”  
  
“What are you talking about, that was sweet.” Mabel frowned at him.  
  
“Hey, Wendy.” Robbie came back into the room with Dipper. “So, uh, I was wondering if you wanted to come to Lookout Point with me today?”  
  
“Lookout Point? What is it with high-schoolers and Lookout Point? Have none of you seen the horror movies?” Stan asked, walking in with Susan.  
  
“I'll bring my axe; that way I can beat anyone out to get us.” Wendy grinned, getting up. “Let's go, Robbie.”  
  
“Wait, what about pie?” Dipper asked.  
  
“It's fresh.” Susan coaxed.  
  
“Save me some? I'm going on a date.” Wendy walked over to Robbie. “Let's go.”  
  
“Well, Lookout Point isn't until tonight. But, if you wanna spend more time together, I'm all for that.” He lovingly stroked her cheek.  
  
“What's Lookout Point?” Dipper asked.  
  
“I'll tell you when you're older.” Stan told him.  
  
“You kids have fun. Robbie, you mind if I listen to your CD? I wanna learn how to play it, maybe we can duet!” Bill walked over to the CD player.  
  
“Sure, go for it.” Robbie said, walking out with Wendy.  
  
“But...pie?” Dipper frowned.  
  
Bill walked over and took out the CD, looking at it silently before he went into his room.  
  
“That was weird.” Mabel shrugged. “Anyways, pie!”  
  
“Pie!” Dipper followed her into the kitchen.  
  
 **–**  
  
Bill sat the CD down in the middle of a magic circle and started to chant quietly. The CD started to glow and lift into the air, a strange miasma coming from it. “I knew it.” He muttered, the CD lowering to the floor. “Black Magic. When did Robbie become a mage? He's not. Hardly any magic in him, just enough to detect the paranormal. So who did he go to for this?”  
  
The door opened and Mabel poked her head in. “Bill, do you want any pie?”  
  
Bill looked over at her. “Pie? Sure, I love pie. Coming, Star.” He got up and walked over to the door, following her out to the kitchen.  
  
“Gideon's about done, I'll go tell him there's pie.” Mabel headed over to the Tent of Telepathy.  
  
“Yeah, you do that.” Bill watched her go. “And when he gets here, I'll ask about any other mages in this town.” He mumbled.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The smart thing to do is to not accuse the user of black magic of using black magic until you know for sure it's not his magic.


	58. Boyz

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Bill puzzles over the CD, Mabel and Gideon are off to the concert! Stan shares a story of his past with Bill and Dipper to try to help with the puzzle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“I don't recognize it.” Gideon said, sitting at the magic circle with Bill. “I don't recognize this magic, it's not from any of the wizards or witches around here.”  
  
“Gideon?” Mabel poked her head in. “It's time to go.”  
  
“Are you ready?” He looked at her.  
  
“Mm-hm.” She smiled and showed him her blue and purple starry sweater. “What are you doing in here?”  
  
“Bill found an item infused with black magic, but it's not any I know. Maybe a traveling wizard made it.” Gideon stood up. “What is it, anyway?”  
  
“Oh, don't worry about that. You kids have fun.” Bill grinned.  
  
“Alright. Be careful, tampering with unknown magic might backfire. And don't go looking for the mage - chances are they left town. After the concert I can try to find the wizard with a tracing spell, though, if you want.” Gideon picked up his jacket.  
  
“Nah, you kids just have fun. I'll do a tracing spell myself.” Bill waved him off. “Go on, go watch the boy band.”  
  
“Okay. Stan and Dipper was in the living room, but when Stan and Susan go on a date you're in charge, okay?” Mabel walked down the hall.  
  
“Yeah.” Bill nodded, distracted by the CD as he tried to find any trace of the mage's signature on the CD.  
  
“Hey, what's that you got there?” Stan asked. Bill jumped a bit when he realized he didn't even notice im at the door.  
  
“Black Magic CD that Robbie had. Pretty sure he actually hypnotized her with that song and I need to find out who created this thing.” Bill stood up, picking up the CD as he did.  
  
“Why not just smash it?” Dipper asked.  
  
“'Cause even if I smash this one, Robbie could get another if the guy is still in town.” Bill explained.  
  
“You know, I think I might have an idea of who it was.” Stan rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “There was this guy when I was younger, named Thistle. Real hippy, crazy about the flowers and stuff. Anyways, I had this girl I was dating, Carla McCorkle, and we were go to this diner all the time. We'd dance and have fun and then one day, Thistle came to play at the diner. Well, our date was cut short by her being drawn to his music, and after that she traded her hot-pants for bell-bottoms and...” He sighed. “Well, our relationship ended. She refused my flowers, she returned all my records, and...well, I....lost contact with her after that.”  
  
“So, you think this Thistle might be responsible?” Bill asked.  
  
“That's sad.” Dipper frowned.  
  
“It's worth a shot. If it is, then I owe him and that teenager a punch in the face!” Stan punched his fist into his palm.  
  
“And if it's not?” Bill asked.  
  
“Well, I'll still punch him and the teenager in the face.” Stan shrugged.  
  
“Why don't we focus on Robbie first. Maybe he'll tell me who he got it from.” Bill walked over to the door. “...Do you really have a date tonight?”  
  
“Uh, well, we were gonna but one of her cats is sick.” Stan shrugged. “So, I'm free tonight.”  
  
“Poor kitty.” Dipper frowned.  
  
“Ah, she'll be okay. Anyways, since I don't have a date, let's go crash theirs!” Stan headed out of the room.  
  
“Yeah, crash it!” Dipper walked out after him.  
  
Bill chuckled and slipped the CD into an inside pocket of his coat.  
  
–  
  
“Gideon, Mabel, you made it!” Pacifica waved to them. “Come here, I got us a really good spot!”  
  
“Hey, Pacifica.” Mabel grinned as she and Gideon approached her. “Are you excited?”  
  
“Totally!” Pacifica nodded. “I love these guys!”  
  
“I missed their performance in Piedmont, I can't wait to see them in-person!” Mabel looked at the stage.  
  
“Well, we're close enough that they could pull you on-stage if they wanted to.” Gideon said, taking Mabel's hand in his. “We better hold hands so we don't lose each other when the crowd goes wild.”  
  
“Good idea.” She nodded.  
  
“You guys do that, I'm fine not holding hands.” Pacifica said, crossing her arms in front of her chest.  
  
“Aww, no need to be distant.” Mabel reached out a hand. “Come on, hold my hand?”  
  
Pacifica glanced at her hand and then at her friends before sighing. “Well...you are practically family. Okay.” She reached out and took her hand. “But only because I don't want anything to happen to you.”  
  
“You're sweet.” Mabel smiled.  
  
“Look, it's starting.” Gideon looked at the stage, which was starting to be filled with fog as music started to play.  
  
“Finally.” Mabel smiled, holding their hands a bit tighter in anticipation.  
  
The boy band came into view and the crowd went wild, Mabel and Pacifica joining in with the cheering crowd as Gideon silently cast a muffling spell on his ears to keep from going deaf. He wasn't accustomed to being in the crowd at these events.  
  
–  
  
“It's started!” Candy said in despair as she and Grenda stood outside the concert hall. “And we were too late to get tickets!”  
  
“Well, it wouldn't have been right to ask Mabel to get some for us when she's going in there on a date.” Grenda gently rubbed her back. “Hey, let's go see if we can catch them after the show!”  
  
“Oh, good idea!” Candy nodded and followed Grenda to the backstage area.  
  
They crept up to the door and opened it, peeking inside. There was a giant hamster cage and...test tubes? They looked at each other and then went in to hide behind a rack of clothes until the band came back. Maybe there was a perfectly normal explanation for this?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What weird stuff did Candy and Grenda find?


	59. Clonez

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The search continues for Wendy and Robbie, while Mabel and Gideon enjoy the performance. But what do they find out after the show?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“So...you don't actually know where we're going.” Bill said as Stan did yet another u-turn.  
  
“Well, it's not like I've BEEN to Lookout Point! It's not on the computer-thingie, either!”  
  
“GPS?” Bill sighed. “Okay...let's go ask one of the other teens. I'm sure when we tell them about the black magic they'll be happy to help.”  
  
“..Right. Where would they be at this time?” Stan frowned.  
  
“The arcade?” Dipper suggested.  
  
“It's a start.” Bill nodded.  
  
“Can't you use your Sight?” Stan asked.  
  
“What, to look for every single teenager in Gravity Falls? I may as well try to use it to find Wendy, though I don't know if it'll work. My Sight shows images, not maps.” He brought his hands to his eye in a triangle shape and activated his Sight. “Mmm...okay, so they're on a cliff. I think I can see the lake from it? That's not really narrowing it down. But, hey, at least they aren't having sex yet.”  
  
“Eww!” Dipper made a face. “You mean with lots of gross kissing?”  
  
“Yeah, that's part of it. Actually, gross kissing is all they're doing right now. We better locate them.” He focused instead on trying to find Thompson or Lee or any of the others. “Okay, let's get to the arcade.  
  
“Before some psycho tries to kill them for making out at Lookout Point.” Stan said, driving off to the arcade.  
  
–  
  
'Finally.' Gideon thought as the band finished their last song and disappeared into fog to excited applause. 'On the CD they aren't so annoying, but when I'm stuck in the crowd they're obnoxious. Plus, I think they thought I was a girl.' He canceled the muffling spell and looked at Mabel. “Did you have fun?”  
  
“Mmhm!” Mabel smiled. “I think Pacifica's getting tired, though. I've never seen her jump so much!”  
  
“W-Well, everyone else was.” Pacifica brushed her hair back into place. “I figured it was...you know...weird to not.”  
  
“Let's go get some fresh air.” Gideon suggested.  
  
“Once we can get through this crowd.” Mabel looked around.

“Hey, when did Li'l Gideon get here?”  
“Oh my gosh, I had no idea! I didn't know he liked Sev'ral Timez!”  
“Gideon, look over here!”  
  
“Oh no.” Gideon sighed and flashed a smile to the camera aimed at him before holding Mabel closer. “Don't leave my side, okay?”  
  
“Let's get out of here.” Pacifica nodded and grabbed Gideon's free hand, pulling him towards a gap in the crowd.  
  
“Gideon, wait!”  
“Gideon, sign my shirt!”  
  
“And this is why celebrities don't go to these things.” Gideon said as they barely escaped the crowd. Someone tried to grab his flag pin by pushing Mabel out of the way, but he brushed their hand off and held Mabel closer to him.  
  
“Sorry, Gideon.” Mabel said, looking back at the crowd, who got distracted by someone walking by selling Sev'ral Timez merchandise.  
  
“No, no. What's important to me is that you had fun.” Gideon looked at Pacifica. “Thanks for the shortcut.”  
  
“I always make sure to have an exit. I'm also a celebrity, you know?” She tossed her hair in a sassy way.  
  
“That's true. I think we lost your friends, though.” Gideon looked over at the crowd.  
  
“They'll survive, let's get out of here. I'm not waiting around for the limo, can I go with you?” Pacifica looked at them.  
  
“We came on the horse.” Gideon shrugged. “But, I think we can fit you.”  
  
They walked towards the road and Mabel noticed Grenda frantically waving to her from a door. “Grenda?” She released Gideon's hand and walked over.  
  
“Uh oh.” Pacifica frowned.  
  
“Let's see what's wrong.” Gideon suggested, walking after Mabel.  
  
“Do we have to?” Pacifica asked as she followed him.  
  
They looked into the room and saw, to their shock and surprise, a large hamster cage filled with Sev'ral Timez. Mabel had joined Candy next to the cage and was looking between the cage and the tubes of growing Boyz.  
  
“...Oh, Wendy is never gonna let me live this one down.” Mabel groaned.  
  
“Are they...clones?” Gideon walked over to look at the tubes.  
  
“Guys, we need to get them out of here. This isn't right, he's mistreating them! Plus, isn't human cloning illegal?” Grenda said, looking at them.  
  
“Not only illegal, it was believed to be impossible.” Gideon placed a hand on one of the tubes. “You're right, though. We have to get them out of here. Even these younger ones. Where's the manager?” He looked at Candy and Grenda.  
  
“We don't know, he left after putting them in the cage.” Candy admitted.  
  
“Well, let's get them out of here.” He pulled out his phone. “I'm calling my father to bring the trailer.” He dialed his number and waited for him to pick up.  
  
Mabel walked closer to the cage, looking at the boy band members acting like animals. “I just...this is just...bizarre. These poor guys. Who did they clone from? Are any of them...not clones?”  
  
“Father's coming.” Gideon hung up and walked over to them. “Stand back, I'm going to remove the lock.”  
  
The girls stepped back and Gideon focused on the lock on the cage, forcing it to open and move off the bars.  
  
“Are you okay?” Pacifica asked when he was done.  
  
“I'm fine.” Gideon gripped the amulet. “Let's hurry and get them out. Mabel, darlin', why don't you take pictures?”  
  
“Good idea.” She pulled out her camera from her bag and started taking pictures of the place.  
  
“Come on, let's get you out.” Gideon said, opening the cage.  
  
“What's going on in here?!”  
  
Gideon turned to see the manager had returned and had a gun out. “Girls, get behind me.”  
  
“Aren't you Li'l Gideon? What do you think you're doing?!” The manager demanded.  
  
“I plan to get these guys into some rehabilitation! What kind of monster are you? If you're going to create life, at least raise it properly!” Gideon held up a hand, preparing to deflect any bullets with telekinesis.  
  
“What do you know? You're just a kid! Out of my way and away from my boys!” The Manager gestured aggressively with his gun.  
  
“After seeing this? Not likely. I'm afraid Sev'ral Timez is going to be getting a new manager after they have been rehabilitated, as you are unfit!” Gideon stood his ground.  
  
“And you think you can get rid of me? I'll--” The manager was cut off by a large figure behind him placing a hand on his shoulder.  
  
“I believe my boy said that you are unfit to manage them.” Bud said in a menacing tone. “I've already brought the police with me, are you gonna come quietly or kick up a fuss?”  
  
“You...” The manager glared at Gideon. “This isn't the end of it! I'll make you pay for this!” He let Bud lead him out to the police cars.  
  
“Li'l Gideon, is everything alright?” Blubs asked, coming into the building.  
  
“Yes, but these poor boys are going to need some help.” Gideon looked at the test tubes. “Ah, I think it'd be best if the public doesn't know about the clone part, don't you? There could be an uproar.”  
  
“I agree.” Blubs nodded. “You did good here.”  
  
“I'll take them to my trailer, get them some food and rest. I had father bring it.” Gideon explained. “Then, tomorrow, I'll take them to Portland to a rehabilitation center. Far away from Gravity Falls.”  
  
“That's a good idea.” Blubs nodded. “What about, uh, the tubes?”  
  
“They're already formed enough they can come off the tube.” Gideon walked over to them. “It wouldn't be right to separate the group, so they'll grow and learn together.”  
  
Pacifica sighed. “They won't be performing again for a while, huh?”  
  
“When they next do, they will be stronger and better.” Gideon said, turning to them.  
  
“Will we be able to visit them?” Candy asked.  
  
“If your parents and the staff allow it.” Gideon walked over to Mabel. “Let's get them to the trailer.”  
  
“Come on.” Mabel beckoned to the confused boy band. They looked at each other before coming out of the cage single-file, stepping in time.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you imagine the madness that might've ensued if he'd left these girls to handle this themselves?


	60. Wizard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan and Bill find Robbie, and just in time! Then it's off to find the wizard while Gideon and Mabel enjoy some down-time with Sev'ral Timez and their friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Wendy...y'know, we've known each other for a long time.” Robbie said, draping his arm over her shoulder. “A long time. I'd really like to get to know you better, if you know what I mean.”  
  
“Sure, okay.” Wendy smiled, leaning into his body. “Whatever you wanna do, Robbie.”  
  
Robbie blushed a bit and reached towards the strap of her shirt, lowering it off her shoulder. “Wendy...I...”  
  
The door suddenly opened behind him and he was roughly pulled out and dropped to the ground. “Ow! What?!”  
  
“What kind of creep are you?!” Stan punched him across the face and got ready to do it again.  
  
“Stan!” Wendy got out of the van and grabbed his hand, keeping it from hitting Robbie again. “Hey, what's going on? Why are you hitting my boyfriend?!”  
  
“Wendy, you might wanna listen to this.” Bill pulled out the CD and cast a spell to make the music play out of it, backwards. Instead of the lyrics, they heard demonic chanting and a voice saying “You are now under my control. You shall do my every bidding.”  
  
“I...what?” Wendy blinked in confusion.  
  
“It's black magic.” Dipper walked up to her. “Robbie used black magic to make you obey him!”  
  
Bill smashed the CD and turned to Robbie. “Who gave this to you?! Talk!”  
  
“Robbie...is this true?” Wendy looked at him.  
  
“I...uh...” Robbie looked to the side, ashamed. “I just...I...”  
  
“I can't believe you...” Wendy released Stan's hand, but held up a hand to block it anyway. “You...used magic on me?”  
  
“I-I didn't want you to leave me!” Robbie cried.  
  
“You didn't make this. Who made it for you?!” Bill grabbed Robbie and pulled him up by his shirt. “Talk!”  
  
“I-I don't know who he is! He hangs out by the Playhouse, he's been there since I was little! I was walking by this morning after getting Wendy's angry text and he said he could help me!” Robbie cried.  
  
“What did he look like?!” Bill snapped. “If you don't tell me right now, I'll--”  
  
“He wore blue! That's all I remember! A lot of blue!” Robbie covered his face with his arms. “I swear, I don't know who he is!”  
  
“Is he still in town?!” Bill demanded.  
  
“He's been by the playhouse as long as I remember!” Robbie cried.  
  
“And what did you give him to make this? What was it?!” Bill released him, letting him drop to the floor.  
  
“N-Nothing! He didn't ask for anything! I-I mean, he did ask me to buy something at the store, but it was just food! He's some homeless dude that hangs out by the playhouse!” Robbie insisted.  
  
Bill looked at Wendy. “Have you seen this guy?”  
  
“I think so, when I was little. He kind of creeped me out, had a leering smile. But when I went to find him and confront him, he was gone.” Wendy admitted, then turned to Robbie. “I can't believe you would do this...getting black magic to control me, convincing me to come to Lookout Point with you...ugh! We're through!” Tears slipped from her eyes and she ran to the edge, sitting down to cry without being seen.  
  
“So...not Thistle.” Stan sighed. “Well, I still owe him a punch, and this weirdo guy, too. I say we go find the playhouse tonight, tell him what-for!”  
  
“Yeah, let's find this creep.” Bill nodded.  
  
Dipper walked over to Wendy and placed his small hand on her shoulder. “Wendy? Do you need a hug? And ice-cream? Mabel always has ice-cream when she's rejected or hurt by boys.”  
  
Wendy wiped at her eyes and looked at him. “Sure...a hug sounds good. I don't know about ice-cream, though.”  
  
“Well, maybe later.” Dipper climbed into her lap and hugged her.  
  
“Hey, Red, Pine Tree! We're gonna go find this asshole that helped Robbie and kick his ass!” Bill called. “Wanna come?”  
  
“I'm telling Mabel you said bad words!” Dipper called to him.  
  
“Ah, shit.” Bill slapped his hand to his face.  
  
Wendy laughed. “Hell, yeah. I'm all for it! I need to blow off some steam!”  
  
“Robbie, you're coming with us.” Bill glared at him. “And where the heck is Thompson? Isn't this his van?”  
  
“He and his girl left us alone and went to a different area.” Robbie said miserably.  
  
“Should we check on them?” Dipper asked.  
  
“I have no obligation to interrupt them.” Bill crossed his arms over his chest. “Let's get in Stan's car.”  
  
“What about the axe murderer?” Dipper asked.  
  
“There isn't one, I checked.” Bill walked over to Wendy. “You gonna be okay, Red? Need anything? Want me to punch Robbie for you again?”  
  
Wendy shook her head. “My coat is in the van, I gotta get it.”  
  
“No prob.” Bill snapped his fingers and the jacket appeared in his hand. “Here you go.”  
  
Wendy smiled a bit. “You act like a brother.”  
  
“Huh?” Bill blinked.  
  
“You act like an overprotective brother.” Wendy clarified. “Were you one?”  
  
Bill looked to the side. “I've been alive a long time, Red. Seen a lot of stuff. I'm just trying to protect my people.”  
  
“Aww, I'm your people?” Wendy grinned.  
  
“Let's go find that guy!” Bill turned and headed for the car.  
  
–  
  
“That's the place.” Wendy said as they drove up to the Gravity Falls Playhouse and parked.  
  
“Alright, Stitch, let's get going.” Bill got out and pulled Robbie out. “Let's find your wizard.”  
  
“Stitch?” Robbie frowned.  
  
“Walk.” Bill looked at the building.  
  
“He might not even be there.” Robbie walked towards the building.  
  
The others got out of the car and followed them in. The playhouse was dark inside, the only light being from the moon outside. Once they got past the windows, Stan raised an eyebrow.  
  
“You...glow, Bill?” He asked.  
  
“Oh, this your first time seeing it?” Bill looked at him. “Yeah, I glow.”  
  
“That's cool, dude.” Wendy grinned.  
  
“Yeah, guess so.” Bill looked around. “Hm...I'm not sensing anything here.”  
  
“He probably left for the day or something.” Robbie said nervously.  
  
“Hello?! Guy in blue?!” Dipper called out into the darkness. “Make a noise if you're here!”  
  
There was no response. “Maybe he's further in.” Bill suggested.  
  
The door opened behind them and they saw a tall, skinny figure standing in the moonlight.  
  
“Oh, so this is why I heard a child here! It's very dangerous to come here at night, why don't you come out of there?”A cheerful voice asked.  
  
“Tad?” Stan frowned. “Tad Strange?”  
  
“W-Who?” Bill looked over at the stranger, his heart pounding in his throat. 'That's a human. It has to be a coincidence.' He thought.  
  
“I was getting dinner at the restaurant next door, and I heard the little one calling out.” Tad said as the group turned back and walked over to him. “Would you like to join me for dinner? My treat.”  
  
“Sure, sounds great! Uh, what do you know about the guy in blue?” Stan asked as they stepped outside again.  
  
“The mysterious man in blue? I believe he's the spirit of an actor.” Tad said thoughtfully. “Why do you ask?”  
  
“Because your 'spirit' gave Robbie here a black magic CD to control his girlfriend.” Bill said, frowning.  
  
“Oh my. Are you alright?” Tad looked at Wendy.  
  
“I'm fine, Mr. Strange.” Wendy assured him.  
  
“That's good. It's never good to use immoral means to get what you want. So, shall we go? I hear they have the most exquisite sandwiches.” He turned to go, then paused and looked at Bill. “...I don't think I have seen you.”  
  
“Uh, I generally stick around the Mystery Shack.” Bill said, nervously fidgeting with his earring.  
  
“Well, it's good to meet you. I'm Tad Strange!” He held out a hand to shake.  
  
Bill regarded the man in the suit and tie before him and took his outstretched hand. “Nice to...meet you.”  
  
“Come along, I'm sure you're all hungry after chasing spirits.” Tad walked on.  
  
Bill looked back at the playhouse. “...I don't sense anything there. Not a spirit, or even a human. I don't get it.”  
  
“Maybe you're just tired?” Dipper suggested. “It's been a long day, and you've been using a lot of magic.”  
  
“That's true.” Bill nodded.  
  
“Let's go get some dinner.” Wendy hooked her arm around Bill's neck and grinned.  
  
“Good to see you smiling again, Red.” Bill smiled.  
  
–  
  
“Thanks for treating us, Mr. Strange.” Dipper said as he dug into his food.  
  
“It's no problem at all.” Tad said cheerfully.  
  
“Yeah, it makes this night not a total bummer.” Wendy said, tearing into her meat.  
  
“Tad, do you need a ride home? You don't drive, do you?” Stan asked.  
  
“Oh, that would be most gracious, thank you.” Tad smiled and stood up. “If you'll excuse me, I have to use the restroom.”  
  
“Take your time.” Stan nodded. “We already paid coming in here.”  
  
Tad smiled and went towards the front of the buffet, pausing next to one of the members of staff. “I have to make an important phone call, may I step out for a moment and come back? My group is still in here.”  
  
“Of course, go ahead.” The staff member smiled.  
  
He nodded and slipped out the front door, heading to the playhouse. Once he got there, he threw open the door and walked inside, his voice taking on a much different tone. “I have covered for you once. If you ever go outside the perimeters of your original deal again, I will not cover for you again. Is that clear?”  
  
There was a long silence before a glowing man in blue spoke curtly. “Crystal.”  
  
“Good.” Tad nodded and walked out, shutting the door behind him.  
  
After he left, the man in blue scowled a bit. “How long has he been here? And why did I not sense him? And what is he doing with those humans? Bill Cipher...”  
  
\--

Tad returned to the table and smiled. “What did I miss?”  
  
“Wendy chugged her glass of pop and got another one.” Dipper said, looking back at her after. “She's gonna do it again!”  
  
“Long line?” Stan asked.  
  
“Yes.” Tad nodded.  
  
“Oh, hold on, my phone's buzzing.” Wendy set down her glass and pulled out her phone. “It's from Mabel. 'I'm staying in Gideon's trailer tonight, something came up. P..S. You were right'?”  
  
“What?” Bill pulled out his phone that was also buzzing. His message was a picture of Mabel and Gideon with Pacifica, Grenda, Candy, and the entire band of Sev'ral Timez in Gideon's trailer. The accompanying text said “So.....not brothers”.  
  
“Stan, check it out.” Bill handed over his phone.  
  
“What does that mean?” Stan asked.  
  
“I dunno, you wanna go check it out?” Bill shrugged.  
  
“After we drop off Tad.” Stan handed the phone back. Bill handed it to Dipper to look at instead.  
  
“Trouble?” Tad asked.  
  
“No idea.” Stan shrugged. “She seems fine.”  
  
“Let's drop off Robbie, too.” Wendy glanced at her silent ex.  
  
“Robbie, are you going to eat anything?” Tad asked.  
  
“I'm not hungry.” He said, his eyes red from crying under the hood he'd refused to take off.  
  
“Robbie, your parents would be most unhappy if they found out you didn't eat.” He offered his own plate. “Come on, eat.”  
  
“So, uh, how long have you been in town, Tad?” Bill asked.  
  
“Oh, about 30 years. I came in on a visit and decided I liked it enough to stay.” Tad smiled. “And you?”  
  
“Heh, a little over that. I got into some trouble about 30 years ago and kept to myself until Pine Tree,” he indicated Dipper, “convinced me to come out after we first met.”  
  
“And the...ears?” Tad tapped his own ears.  
  
“Oh! Uh...I'm...not human.” Bill admitted.  
  
“Well, you're a very nice and polite not-human.” Tad smiled. “I'm sure you're a wonderful role-model for this child.”  
  
“Uhh, I do slip up, every now and then.” Bill admitted, then grabbed his mug and downed his tea.  
  
“We should finish up here, I'm worried about Mabel.” Stan admitted.  
  
“She's with Gideon and all the girls, I think she's okay.” Wendy told him.  
  
“It is late, though. I should get home.” Tad said, looking at his watch.  
  
“Alright, let me get another plate first.” Wendy got up and went to the buffet.  
  
“I want some ice-cream.” Dipper looked at Bill.  
  
“Alright, let's get you some ice-cream.” Bill got up, Dipper doing the same, and they went to the ice-cream machine.  
  
“Why were you scared?” Dipper asked when they were by the machine.  
  
“Scared?” Bill asked. “Chocolate, vanilla, or swirl?”  
  
“When you heard his name. Chocolate.” Dipper pointed to it.  
  
“Alright.” Bill picked up one of the bowls and pulled the lever to pour the chocolate ice-cream into it. “I'm not...okay, I was. He has the same name as someone very powerful I knew before. I'm sure it's a coincidence, though. He's human, and the other guy, well, wasn't.”  
  
“Oh, okay.” Dipper nodded. “Sprinkles, please.”  
  
“Coming right up.” Bill brought the bowl over and used the supplied spoon to pour sprinkles on the ice-cream. “Okay, is that everything?”  
  
“And hot fudge!” Dipper licked his lips. “Did that person hurt you?”  
  
Bill pursed his lips. “...We had a few...encounters, yeah. I was a bad guy, kid. And he was one of the good guys.”  
  
“But, now you're a good guy.” Dipper grinned.  
  
Bill smiled. “Yeah...against all odds, I seem to be.” He handed Dipper the bowl and led the way back, grabbing a spoon as they passed them.  
  
–  
  
“So...” Mabel sighed, resting her head on Gideon's shoulder as they sat on the seats together. “Are we going to name the little ones?”  
  
“I suppose we should.” Gideon nodded.  
  
“I'm gonna call one of them Antonio.” Mabel nodded.  
  
“Mm, that's a good name.” Pacifica said sleepily.  
  
The group were all in sleeping bags or under knitted blankets. Pacifica and the couple were apart from the rest, but Candy and Grenda were curled up with the members of Sev'ral Timez like a group of otters.  
  
“And what about the other one?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Mm...I like Nemo.” Gideon chuckled.  
  
“The fish?” Mabel blinked.  
  
“No, the captain of the Nautilus.” Gideon shook his head. “ _20,000 Leagues Under the Sea_? You've never read it?”  
  
“Too science-y.” Mabel admitted.  
  
“It's a good book. I'll lend you my copy.” Pacifica said, adjusting her blanket around herself.  
  
“Mm, maybe if we read it together.” Mabel nuzzled Gideon affectionately.  
  
“We could do that.” Gideon blushed.  
  
They heard a knock at the door and everyone jolted, Candy letting out a hiss as she looked at the door. Gideon moved from Mabel's side and motioned for everyone to be quiet as he looked out a window. “Oh, phew. It's safe, don't worry.” He unlocked the door and opened it. “Sorry, we were worried it was someone else.”

“What's going on in here?” Bill asked as they stepped in.  
  
“Some weird orgy?” Wendy asked. Bill and Wendy exchanged a high-five while Stan coughed and frowned disapprovingly.  
  
“We needed somewhere for them to sleep and the girls were worried.” Gideon explained. “Their manager was arrested, and in the morning I'm taking them to rehab. Mabel, the camera?” Mabel pulled the camera out of her bag and Gideon floated it over to him. “Thank you, darlin'.” He said, then turned it on to show them the pictures.  
  
“Yeesh, they were in that thing?” Stan cringed.  
  
“You see why we had to intervene.” Gideon nodded. “The girls have already gained permission to sleep over, and father's in the front seat.”  
  
“I noticed.” Stan nodded.  
  
Bud came to the door. “Gideon, darlin', I'm going to find a bathroom and stretch my legs since Stan is here. Will y'all be alright?”  
  
“Yes, father.” Gideon responded.  
  
“A'ight, I'll be back.” He walked away.  
  
“So...what happened here?” Stan asked, looking at the band members and the younger ones that looked like them.  
  
“Clones.” Gideon said simply.  
  
Bill stepped forward. “Wait, hold on. You mean to tell me that some--” He started to snicker. “S-Someone actually had the technology to clone a human being and keep it stable and th-they made a BOY BAND?!” He started to guffaw. “Ohh, you HUMANS are SUCH a RIOT!”  
  
“Yep...that's what they did.” Mabel looked at the confused band members. “It's okay, boys. He's a demon, but a nice one.”  
  
“I just c-can't believe this! Oh, my sides are aching!” Bill held his sides. “What a WASTE of TECHNOLOGY! A _boy band_? _Really_?! These guys could be scientific marvels! They could help better society! And they're singing POP SONGS!”  
  
“Bill, be nice!” Dipper scolded him.  
  
“I just...what was their creator _thinking_?! What scientist is responsible for this?” Bill looked at Gideon.  
  
“I really don't know.” Gideon admitted. “The manager didn't tell the police anything and we didn't find anything in the building.”  
  
“Oh man...” Bill wiped a hand over his face. “You humans...so full of surprises!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's more to Tad Strange than he lets on.


	61. Pig-napped!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Gideon takes Sev'ral Timez to Portland, Stan, Bill, Dipper and Mabel find out that the prehistoric age isn't as prehistoric as they thought!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

Mabel was sitting in front of the TV with Dipper, Bill, Waddles and Wax Stan while Stan washed dishes. She looked up from her knitting to see the TV advertising a child-carrier and gasped. “Ohh! Do you think it works for pigs!”  
  
“Yes, it even works for pigs!” The TV declared.  
  
“Spooky.” Bill commented as Mabel hopped to her feet.  
  
“Bill, we have to go to the store! Take me, take me, pleeeeease! You can get one for Dipper!” She tugged on his arm.  
  
“We don't need one for Dipper.” Bill said, standing up.  
  
“Are we going somewhere?” Dipper looked up from his coloring.  
  
“Yes, get your shoes.” Mabel went over to the kitchen. “Grunkle Stan, we're going to the store, okay? Can you watch Waddles?”  
  
“Huh? Why can't Bill watch him?” Stan frowned.  
  
“Because he's coming with me!” Mabel went upstairs to get her savings.  
  
Stan sighed and walked over to Bill. “Sure we can't switch?”  
  
“She already told Pine Tree to get his shoes.” Bill shrugged. “Want me to pick you up anything?”  
  
“How are you getting there?” Stan asked.  
  
“I figured I'd borrow your car.” Bill shrugged.  
  
“You don't have a license.” Stan pointed out.  
  
“Well, I could just use the golf cart and--” Bill was cut off by Stan throwing the car keys at his face. “Thanks, Stan!” He walked out of the living room, whistling.  
  
“Get me some more Pitt Soda.” Stan walked over to him and handed him a twenty. “That should cover it.”  
  
“Yes, sir.” Bill grinned and saluted. “Don't worry, the kids and the car will be just fine.”  
  
“Just don't get caught.” Stan nodded.  
  
“I never do.” Bill winked at him. “Kids, ready to go?”  
  
“Yep!” Mabel came down with her bag. “I got my money!”  
  
“I got my shoes!” Dipper came down after her. “Let's go!”  
  
“Let's go!” Bill grinned and headed out, the kids following.  
  
“Sure, have fun.” Stan looked at Waddles and sighed.  
  
–  
  
“Of all the days for Gideon to not be here to help out.” Stan grumbled as he tossed food to the Gobblewonker. Waddles was tied to a post nearby. “I mean, I know he's doing it for a good cause, helping those poor kids out and all, but Mabel has the worst timing.” He showed the Gobblewonker the empty bucket and walked away from the pool it swam in. “I mean, couldn't she have waited until tomorrow for this, gone with him? I kind of like having Bill around here to help out.” He looked at the pig again. “Do you think I'm getting too dependent on him? I mean, he's the only guy that works for me that's constantly here, and he loves my jokes...” He sighed and walked over to crouch next to Waddles. “It's almost like having... _him_ back, y'know?”  
  
Waddles tilted his head in confusion at him, blinking.   
  
“No, of course you don't know.” Stan chuckled a bit. “You're just a pig.” He stood up. “Oh, ow, my knees. I gotta whizz, can you stay here? I'll be back.” He headed for the house.  
  
Waddles let out a cry of alarm and he turned around. “Waddles?”   
  
Waddles was looking at the sky, terrified. Stan picked up a baseball bat and walked over to him, looking around for the cause. “What'd you see, a hawk?”  
  
A large shadow passed overhead and Stan gasped. “That's no hawk!” He knelt to untie Waddles and something slammed into his side. “Agh!”  
  
Waddles let out a squeal of panic and ran from him, free of the rope. “Wait, no! Waddles, stay with me!” Stan said, getting to his feet and chasing after him.  
  
The large figure passed overhead again and he got a good look at the creature as he passed in front of him, obscuring his view of another one grabbing onto Waddles.  
  
“Holy....” He breathed, and then swung the baseball bat. “Hey! Leave the pig alone!”  
  
The creature let out a squawk at him and he cringed from the force of the sound. Then it and its partner took to the skies, taking Waddles with them. “Hey! Come back with the pig!” He threw the bat at them, but it fell just short. Then he ran inside and grabbed a gun, but by the time he came back out, it was gone. “Oh no...oh, Waddles...”  
  
The car drove up and he lowered the gun forlornly. “We're home!” He heard Mabel say cheerfully.  
  
They walked over and Mabel noticed right away that something was amiss. One, her uncle's suit was badly torn, and he had a gun in his hands. Two, Waddles was gone. “G-Grunkle Stan?”  
  
“Bill...” Stan said, looking at the gun. “I need you to use your Sight and find Waddles.”  
  
“What happened?” Bill asked, walking over to him.  
  
“Now, Bill! It's life or death! A dinosaur took him!” Stan looked at him furiously.  
  
“O-Okay!” Bill brought his hands up to his eyes, using his Sight. “It's a good thing we did the renewal spell this morning, before Gideon left. Let's see...okay, yeah, that's a dinosaur. They're heading into an old mine-shaft.”  
  
“Then we're going after them.” Stan went in and loaded up on ammo. “Mabel, do you know how to shoot a gun?”  
  
“Uh, no?” Mabel frowned.  
  
“Well, I'm going to teach you. Bill, do you know?” He asked, loading two more guns.  
  
“Can I shoot?” Dipper asked.  
  
“No, you're too young. You have to be ten or older.” Stan told him.  
  
“Aw, man...” Dipper pouted.  
  
“And then we'll all be able to teach you.” Mabel smiled at him. “Three times the lesson, you'll be great!”  
  
“Yeah!” Dipper nodded.  
  
“I thought these things were extinct.” Stan grumbled, handing Bill the other two guns. “Let's get in the car. Do you know where the mine-shaft is?”  
  
“I can do a bird's-eye view.” Bill offered.  
  
“You mean with your Sight?” Stan asked.  
  
“No, I mean by flying over the car.” Bill shook his head and walked out to the car.  
  
“Good idea.” Stan glanced at his shirt. “I'm going to change shirts, I don't want any exposed flesh.” He headed to his room.  
  
Dipper frowned and looked at Mabel. “What was that on his back?”  
  
“A tattoo?” Mabel shrugged.  
  
“Tattoos are red?” Dipper asked.  
  
“I dunno, we'll ask about it later. He's pretty tense right now, it could be sensitive.” Mabel picked up the gun and bag of ammo Stan filled and headed out to the car.  
  
“It looked kind of cool.” Dipper smiled and followed her out.  
  
\--  
  
“Anything from Bill, Dipper?” Stan asked as they drove down the path through the woods.  
  
“Not yet.” Dipper looked at Mabel. “Why would the dino go for Waddles and not Stan?”  
  
“Maybe Waddles looked tastier?” Mabel shrugged, frowning.  
  
“Are we really going to kill the dinos?” Dipper asked.  
  
“No, we're just going to scare them away from Waddles.” Mabel assured him.  
  
“And risk those things coming back after Waddles or whatever else?” Stan asked. “What if they go for Dipper next? No, we have to--”  
  
“Bill says to turn left at that gap in the trees.” Dipper said, pointing to a gap coming up.  
  
“Alright!” Stan drove towards that gap and headed down an old, unused dirt path that was long forgotten. He saw Bill standing next to the mine-shaft and pulled up to park. “This the place?”  
  
“Yep.” Bill nodded.  
  
“Good.” Stan threw one of the guns at him. “Let's go hunting.” He got out of the car.  
  
They headed inside, Mabel, Stan, and Bill all carrying guns while Dipper followed close behind, and approached the huge hole in the floor. “Okay...let's...Bill, can you float us down?”  
  
“Yeah, no problem.” Bill nodded. They heard a rustling and he aimed his gun towards the sound, only to lower it in surprise. “Uh...Old Man McGucket?”  
  
“Well, howdy-doo! I was just here practicin' my spoons when I saw something go inside! I was gonna go check it out!” McGucket said cheerfully.  
  
“Yeah, we're here after that thing. It took Waddles.” Stan said, looking down into the hole. “We better hurry.”  
  
“Alright, everyone gather around.” Bill said. Everyone, including McGucket, gathered next to him. “Uh...are you...coming, Mr. McGucket?”  
  
“Well, sure! I'm here already, aren't I?” McGucket grinned up at him. “Say, do I know you?”  
  
“Uh, I don't know.” Bill moved a hand to cover his earring from McGucket's view.  
  
“Well, y'sure do look familiar. Probably just one of those faces! Let's go!” He said excitedly.  
  
“Okay, so we're bringing McGucket. Take us down, Bill.” Stan nodded.  
  
Bill nodded and focused his powers on the ground, lifting them into the air and lowering them down safely into the hole.  
  
“Hoo-wee, we're flyin'!” McGucket said as they went down.  
  
Dipper clung to Bill, looking down below them. “How deep is this hole? It's not bottomless, is it?”  
  
“No, it's not bottomless.” Bill assured him.  
  
“We'll be there soon.” Mabel told him.  
  
Stan stared at his gun intensely, thinking of Waddles' capture.

  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, they didn't really expect to have McGucket with them, but he's here now!


	62. The Hunt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waddles has been kidnapped and it's up to the group to rescue him before he becomes dino-dinner!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Sooooeee!” McGucket called.  
  
“If Waddles was able to come to us, he would've when Mabel called him by his actual name. Please stop that.” Stan said as they walked by pillars of dinosaurs caught in sap, frozen in time. “Yeesh, peanut-brittle, tree-sap, what else preserves life that we're gonna hear about this summer?” He walked over to examine the dino. “A T-Rex...shooting it might just make it mad, Plus, they're horrible climbers. Let's focus on the living and breathing flying ones.” He walked away from it.  
  
“Grunkle Stan, are you talking to yourself?” Dipper asked, walking over to him.  
  
“Yep.” Stan said, looking around for any sign of the beasts.  
  
“Well, while you're talking to yourself, can you talk about your red tattoo?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Nope.” Stan glanced at him. “You, uh, saw that? It's not a tattoo, kid.”  
  
“What is it, then?” Dipper asked.  
  
“It's...uh...I don't wanna talk about it.” Stan walked on ahead of the group.  
  
“But...” Dipper walked after him. “But, I wanna know!”  
  
“Pine Tree.” Bill spoke up. “Sometimes adults have secrets they would rather not share. Drop it.”  
  
“Oh.” Dipper looked at Mabel. “Did I do bad?”  
  
“No, you're just curious. That's not a bad thing. But, Bill's right, sometimes you just have to let things go.” Mabel said, shaking her head with a smile.  
  
“Bill?” McGucket paused and looked at Bill. “Your name's Bill? Bill what? I think I knew a Bill! Did I know you?”  
  
“I dunno, maybe? I've been...out of touch with people for 30 years.” Bill said, moving a hand up to cover his earring again. “Yeah, I think we did know each other.”  
  
“Hm. Well, I'm sure if we were friends you'd let me know, right?” McGucket asked.  
  
“Sure. I mean, we weren't really friends. More like...coworkers, if anything? We didn't talk.” Bill shook his head.  
  
“Oh! Well, we can talk now!” McGucket grinned.  
  
“Sure, nothing wrong with getting to know each other now. Your son runs the fishing shop, right?” Bill asked.  
  
“Yep!” McGucket nodded.  
  
“He's nice. I heard you built a fake Gobblewonker, was it realistic?” Bill asked.  
  
“Oh, yes! Why, these three thought it was the realest thing, until I got it stuck in a cave opening!” McGucket slapped his knee and laughed. “Ah, good times!”  
  
“Do you still have it? I'd love to see it.” Bill grinned.  
  
“Well, sure! We can look at it after we get the pig! Soooeeee!” McGucket called out again.  
  
“Waddles, where are you?!” Mabel called as they approached a doorway, passing an old mine-cart on the way.  
  
“Uuuuuwwwwwweeeeeeeeee!”  
  
“Waddles!” Mabel ran in and saw Waddles in a nest with some shaking eggs and two expecting parents. “Oh no, Waddles!”  
  
Stan aimed his gun and fired on the creatures. They flew out of the way and one of them dove at Stan while the other moved to protect the eggs.  
  
“Waddles!” Mabel ran over, but Bill moved quicker and grabbed the pig, the pterodactyl pecking at his coat as he moved to head back.  
  
“Shooting Star, stay over there!” Bill yelled. “In fact, take cover with Pine Tree!”  
  
“Bill, is Waddles okay?!” Mabel cried.  
  
“Don't worry, Shooting Star. Your pig is perfectly safe.” Bill assured her, holding the pig under his coat.  
  
“Hurry up and get over here so we can—hey, give me that!” Stan wrestled with one of them for his gun until it went off and the creature flew off.  
  
“These things have really tough skin, I don't know if your guns will be much help.” Bill handed Mabel Waddles and took off his coat, draping it over her. “You guys get to cover, I'll take care of these things!”  
  
“Alright, let's head back!” Stan nodded.  
  
“What if he gets eaten?” McGucket asked.  
  
“He'll be fine.” Stan assured him. “We gotta get the rest of us out of here!”  
  
“Wait! Bill!” Dipper ran over to him. “I can't leave you, remember?!”  
  
“Okay, so just find cover at a just far enough location!” Bill waved him off. “Here they come!” He formed fire in his hands and threw it, freaking the dinosaur out and driving it back. “Go, find cover!”  
  
“Does he do that a lot?” McGucket asked as he saw him form more fire in his hands.  
  
“All the time, let's go.” Stan headed back towards the mine-cart.  
  
“Grab one of the eggs so we can eat it later!” McGucket called as they left Bill alone.  
  
Dipper stopped just inside the doorway and looked out at Bill anxiously. 'Bill, are you sure you're okay?' He thought.  
  
'Well, I wouldn't mind Gideon for backup, but since he's not here I'll have to manage by myself.' Bill replied.  
  
'Be careful, we just did the renewal spell this morning.' Dipper gripped the doorway nervously.  
  
“Dipper, come away from the door.” Mabel walked over and pulled him away from it. “Come on, you can be a bit further away.”  
  
“B-But, I need to watch!” Dipper cried.  
  
“He'll be fine.” Mabel assured him. “Come on, Waddles needs comfort.”  
  
Stan glared at the doorway. “You know what, I'm not letting him do that by himself! Stay here, kids!” He grabbed his gun and headed for the doorway.  
  
“Grunkle Stan!” Mabel called out.  
  
“Stay there!” He said, going out to join Bill.  
  
Mabel sighed. “Well...we better do as he says.” She knelt down and let Waddles climb into her lap.  
  
Dipper sat next to her, sighing. “Okay...”  
  
They sat there a little while, McGucket entertaining them by playing the spoons and telling random stories, and then they heard footsteps behind them.  
  
“Ohh, you got an egg!” McGucket noticed.  
  
“Yeah, but I don't think we'll be eating it.” Bill said, setting it down. It was shaking and rattling. “Stan got one, too.”  
  
Stan set his down and then stepped back as the eggs started to crack. Dipper moved closer, curious, and Mabel set Waddles down and did the same.  
  
“Kids, back away.” Stan warned them.  
  
The eggs cracked open and out popped two identical baby pterodactyl. “Aww!” Dipper cooed.  
  
“Squuaaa!” The babies said in unison.  
  
“Can we keep them?” Mabel asked.  
  
“So, we're not eating them?” McGucket asked, disappointed.  
  
“Nope, guess not.” Stan sighed. “Bill, I think we're gonna have to build a tree-house for them.”  
  
“I'm sure Red's dad will help with that.” Bill shrugged. “Let's get these babies up top. Pick up your pig, Star.”  
  
“Okay!” Mabel picked up Waddles.  
  
“And off we go!” Bill focused his powers on the group and floated them and the babies out of the cavern.  
  
“Bye-bye, dinos!” Dipper waved enthusiastically.  
  
–  
  
Gideon stepped out of the trailer and sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Well, it took a while, but that's done. Now...what...?”  
  
In front of the Mystery Shack, Dipper and Mabel were playing with what looked like baby pterodactyls while Bill tossed chopped up meat to the babies. Stan was over by a tree, measuring it, and McGucket was sitting in front of the Gobblewonker's pool.  
  
“What did I miss?” He asked, walking over to Mabel.  
  
“Oh, you're home!” Mabel smiled. “How was Portland?” She walked over and hugged him. “We haven't named them yet, wanna help?”  
  
“We got pet baby dinos!” Dipper said cheerfully.  
  
“I see that. Where did they come from?” Gideon asked, kneeling in front of one of the curious creatures.  
  
“Down in a mine-shaft. Stan, we're gonna need to go fishing again soon!” Bill called out to him.  
  
“Alright, how about I do that while I'm out talking to Manly Dan?” Stan said, stepping down from the ladder.  
  
“Alright, I'll watch the kids while you do that.” Bill looked over at McGucket. “Take him with you, he can do some bonding with his son.”  
  
“Sure, why not? McGucket, you know how to fish?” Stan walked over to the house to get his gear.  
  
“In your boat? Whoopee!” McGucket headed for the car and hopped into the back.  
  
“Have fun!” Mabel called out as Stan passed them on the way to the car.  
  
Gideon reached out and stroked the neck of one of the babies. “Aww, it really is a cutie.”  
  
“Bill said that they imprinted on me and him.” Mabel giggled. “So I'm their mama and Bill's the daddy, apparently. I don't know what to name them yet.”  
  
“Well, does Bill have any ideas?” Gideon asked, looking at him.  
  
“Well...maybe we can name one Liam.” Bill said, setting the empty bucket down.  
  
“Liam?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Someone I used to know.” Bill knelt down next to the babies.  
  
“I bet I could ride on the back of these.” Dipper said, looking at the babies thoughtfully.  
  
“Let's train them fully before we think about riding on the back of anything.” Bill said, shaking his head.  
  
“Okay, so we'll name this one Liam and this one...Daisy.” Mabel pointed to them in turn.  
  
“You have a male and a female?” Gideon asked.  
  
“Turns out that way.” Bill shrugged.  
  
“Well, we better train them and put them in a secure paddock before the tourists try to take one home.” Gideon nodded.  
  
“Good idea.” Mabel nodded. “Do we have one?”  
  
“I don't think we do, but it shouldn't be hard to get one. I'll make a few phone calls.” Gideon pulled out his cell-phone.  
  
Mabel's phone suddenly went off and she picked it up. “Hello?”  
  
“Is this Mabel Pines?”  
  
“Yes.” Mabel nodded.   
  
“This is the Gravity Falls General Hospital. I'm afraid your uncle's been in an accident, he's in critical condition. Can you get here?”  
  
Mabel looked at Gideon. “Gideon...Stan's been in an accident. Can you take us?”  
  
“Go, Pine Tree and I will see him after we make sure the babies are safe and secure.” Bill told them.  
  
“Thank you!” Mabel headed for the trailer, Gideon following after her.  
  
“An accident?” Bill frowned. “Stan never gets into accidents, he's too careful with his car for that. Who hit him?”  
  
“Let's get the babies somewhere safe and hidden and go find out.” Dipper nodded.  
  
Bill took the babies inside to the basement and formed a magical cage around them. “This will hold them until my form runs out.” He told Dipper. “Tyrone, can you watch them?”  
  
“Uh-huh. Why are there dinosaurs in the basement?” Tyrone asked.  
  
“Long story, we'll tell you later.” He looked at Dipper. “Come on, we'll fly.” He picked him up and headed for the basement.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is starting to look like a zoo here!


	63. Hit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan's been hit by a rogue driver and is in the hospital with a coma! Bill has an idea what to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls © Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Grunkle Stan!” Mabel cried as she ran into the hospital with Gideon.  
  
“Are you Mabel Pines?” A nurse asked.  
  
“Yes, I'm Mabel Pines! Is my uncle okay?” Mabel asked.  
  
“He's in the OR right now, can you sit and wait here?” The nurse asked.  
  
“O-Okay.” Mabel nodded.  
  
“We'll call you when he's out.” The nurse promised.  
  
“Come on, over here.” Gideon said, leading her to where McGucket was talking to Blubs and Durland, himself covered in more bandages than usual. “Mr. McGucket, did you see who hit you?”  
  
“Well, I didn't get a good luck at the drivers, but Stan did!” McGucket admitted. “He saw them and started to panic, started going different ways to try to shake them! And they just kept driving after us! Then when we thought we lost them, BAM, they hit us on the driver's side! Then they backed up and started to do it again, so I climbed over, slammed my foot on the gas pedal and got us out of there! We ended up stopping with half our car hood in the lake and no sign of the other car! My boy Tate called 911 while I used my Gobblewonker-bot to get the car out of the water!”  
  
“Gideon, do you think you could help us identify the driver?” Blubs asked him.  
  
“Stan's in the OR, I'll have to work with McGucket's memories.” Gideon raised a hand up. “May I?”  
  
“Well, sure, if you can find it!” McGucket shrugged. “My brain's a bit scrambled, y'see!”  
  
Gideon placed his hand on McGucket's head, focused his powers. The amulet gently glowed as he worker, and the cops turned to Mabel. “We best let him work. Where's your brother?”  
  
“He's with Bill.” Mabel grabbed a lock of her hair and ran her fingers through it anxiously. “Officers, was...was it bad? Is he okay?”  
  
“I'm not gonna lie to you, he wasn't pretty.” Blubs admitted. “We'll just have to hope the hospital can help him.”  
  
The door opened and Bill came in with Dipper. “We're here, Shooting Star. Is Stan alright?” He walked over to her and set Dipper down.  
  
“He's in the OR.” Mabel's eyes started to water up. “Oh, Bill...what if he doesn't make it?”  
  
“He'll make it.” Bill pulled her close. “He's gonna make it, don't worry. You know Stan, this stuff can't beat him. He's too strong for that.”  
  
“B-But, Officer Blubs said it was...was bad.” Mabel clung to him.  
  
“Is Grunkle Stan going to die?” Dipper asked, tears forming in his eyes.  
  
The nurse came out. “Mabel Pines?”  
  
“Yes?” Mabel looked over.  
  
“Your uncle's been moved out of the OR. Would you like to see him?” She asked kindly.  
  
“Yes, please!” Mabel turned to Blubs. “Uhm, could you let Gideon know--”  
  
“I will, go on.” Blubs nodded.  
  
“Come on, Star.” Bill offered her a hand.  
  
“Are you family?” The nurse asked him.  
  
“Practically. I'm a family friend, he left these kids in my care.” Bill told her.  
  
“Alright, come along.” She nodded and motioned for them to follow her.  
  
–  
  
Stan was lying in bed, all sorts of tubes and wires hooked up to him and bandages all over his body. He was unconscious, but alive. Mabel walked over and gingerly took his hand as Bill hung back to talk to the nurse.  
  
“At this point, we don't know when he's going to wake up. The car took a massive hit, the other driver must've been in a much bigger vehicle.” The nurse said, watching Dipper go over to join Mabel. “He was bleeding pretty bad, and it's likely got some major brain damage. His body will heal, but I'm not sure when he's going to wake up.”  
  
“Thank you.” Bill walked over to Stan, looking down at him. “Stan...who did this to you?” He murmured. “We need you to wake up and tell us.”  
  
Gideon came to the door with another nurse. “McGucket didn't have enough to work with. All I got was a name, 'Rico'.”  
  
“Rico?” Mabel frowned.  
  
“Someone Stanford knew, apparently.” Gideon walked over to him. “I don't detect any thoughts from him.”  
  
Bill looked at the nurses. “Can we have some time alone?”  
  
“Sure.”  
“Of course.”  
  
They left and closed the door behind them. Bill placed a hand on Stan's head. “We're going in.”  
  
“What?” Mabel frowned.  
  
“Uh, how?” Gideon asked.  
  
“I'm taking us in. I'm a Mind Demon, remember? I think that Stan is withdrawing in himself, and the only way to both wake him up and find out who hit him is to go in his mind.” Bill looked at them. “Are you all with me?”  
  
They nodded. Bill nodded and held out his other hand. “Everyone grab my hand. We're going in.”  
  
“How long will this take?” Gideon asked.  
  
“As long as it has to. Come on.” Bill nodded.  
  
“Alright.” Gideon grabbed his hand. Mabel and Dipper did the same.  
  
“Alright, then. Hang on.” Bill focused on Stan and chanted to himself before they started to glow and the next thing they knew they were in a monochrome space, outside the Mystery Shack. There was a broken swing-set nearby and the Shack looked damaged.  
  
“Where are we?” Mabel asked.  
  
“We're in Stan's mind.” Bill replied. “Come on, the memories will be inside.”  
  
They nodded and followed him in. There were doors everywhere and bats flying around with Stan's head. “Heh, there's bats in his belfry.” Bill remarked as they saw one fly by.  
  
“Let's find the memories.” Gideon walked on. “Where would Rico be...”  
  
“Maybe Regrets?” Bill shrugged.  
  
“Maybe.” Mabel sighed. “I just wanna find Stan...”  
  
“That might be easier than finding the memory. A mind-form feels differently from a memory, so I can track him down.” Bill assured her.  
  
Dipper walked over to a door. “I wanna open this one.”  
  
Bill walked over and opened it. “Alright, what's in here?”  
  
It looked like Stan was in prison, orange jumpsuit and everything, he was talking with his cellmates. Bill listened closely and gasped. “Gideon, found him!”  
  
“You found Stan?” Mabel asked, coming over.  
  
“No, I found Rico.” Bill pointed at the memory. “He was someone Stan knew from Columbia prison.”  
  
“Must've known him longer than that, McGucket's memory had Stanford looking pretty terrified.” Gideon walked over to look at the memory. “I'll keep an eye out for other memories with this guy, try to figure out what their connection is.”  
  
“Good idea.” Bill nodded. “I guess I'll locate his mind-form and see if he'll answer some questions. Let's split up. Shooting Star you go with Gideon.” He grabbed Dipper's hand and led him away.  
  
“Be careful, minds are tricky things.” Gideon said as they walked away.  
  
“Hah! You know who you're talking to?” Bill asked. “You be careful, too!”  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stan! Where did you go?


	64. Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The search is on for Stan in his own mind!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Stan! Grunkle Stan!” Dipper called, looking around. “Where are you, Grunkle Stan?”  
  
“Pine Tree, I can't focus while you're calling out.” Bill said, smiling a bit.  
  
“Whoops, sorry.” He turned and opened a door. “Hello?”  
  
“Pine Tree, I don't think he's going to be in a memory.” Bill walked over and looked in, pursing his lips when he saw it.  
  
A younger Stan was sitting on a swing, looking out at the sea. In his hands was a toy boat, and he looked depressed.   
  
“Sorry I'm late.” A voice said, a shadowy figure walking up behind him. “The teacher wanted to talk about my project.”  
  
“We haven't worked on the boat in days.” Stan said, setting the toy boat down on the ground.  
  
“I know, I know. I've been really busy.” The shadowy figure sat down in the other swing. “I just...I have to get this, Stan. Please understand.”  
  
“But,” Stan looked at the figure and said something that was covered by static, “what about our dream?”  
  
“We can still have our dream, Stan. It just has to wait a few more years, that's all. We can go together, I know how much you want to leave this place.”  
  
Stan stood up, the swing squeaking a bit. “And what do I have there? I can't join the nerd school, and I...I don't have any work experience.”  
  
The shadowy figure stood up as well. “That's not true. You've worked in the shop before, and you're great with money. You could do retail, just something to live off of before I finish and we go sailing.”  
  
“No, no...” Stan shook his head. “No, this wasn't in the plan! Besides, I know you! You'll get caught up in some big nerd thing and forget about our dream – again!”   
  
“Stan...” The shadowy figure reached towards him, then sighed. “Come on, we have to be realistic. Maybe the dream isn't as important as we thought. I mean, what about family? Ma? Do you really plan to just sail around looking for treasure forever? Don't you have any other dreams?”  
  
“No. The boat was _our_ dream.” Stan turned to him. “At least...I thought it was.” He moved past him, wiping at his eyes.  
  
“Stan!” The shadowy figure turned to watch him go, and then faded away, the memory restarting.  
  
“Who was that?” Dipper asked as Bill closed the door.  
  
“Let's keep walking.” Bill took his hand and led him away from it.  
  
“But, who was that?” Dipper asked. “Why was it all shadowy?”  
  
“Maybe he doesn't want to think about that memory, so he's blocked out most of it.” Bill opened another door and this one was just shadowy people talking in another language. “Like this one, we can't tell who anyone is in this one. Maybe he's ashamed of it.”  
  
“Oh.” Dipper nodded, Bill shutting the door.  
  
“Come on, I feel him this way.” Bill led him around the corner.  
  
“Do you know who that guy was?” Dipper asked.  
  
“...Yes.” Bill nodded.  
  
“Who was it?” Dipper asked.  
  
Bill sighed. “It doesn't matter. Let's just find Stan.”  
  
Dipper noticed he was looking conflicted and held his hand a bit tighter. “Was it Mr. Author?” He asked softly.  
  
Bill stopped and sighed. “...Yeah.”  
  
“Grunkle Stan knew him?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Apparently.” Bill walked on.  
  
They approached a door that was chained up and Bill reached out, using his power to remove the chains. Then he turned the doorknob and opened it, looking in at Stan sitting in a monochrome room. “Stan.” Bill walked in, Dipper right behind him.  
  
“Bill.” Stan looked over at him. “...What are you doing in here?”  
  
“We came to find you.” Bill placed a hand on his shoulder. “Come on, you gotta wake up.”  
  
“I thought I had escaped him...it must've been Vegas, he must've seen me at Vegas. I knew I was being watched, I should've been more careful, now they've tracked me to here...” Stan looked at his hands in his lap.  
  
“Rico, you mean?” Bill knelt next to him. “Why did he come after you?”  
  
“He gave me money to go a job...didn't say what it was. Turned out he needed some kids taken across the border, for...” He glanced at Dipper. “Bad stuff. I took the money, but when I saw the job I helped the kids escape back to their families and disappeared. Rico found me, demanded I pay him back plus extra for letting the kids go, and I swore I would. I was trying to get the money through...unscrupulous means, and then I got a postcard from....a friend. That took me here. I thought I'd lost him.” He wrapped his arms around himself.  
  
“But he found you in Vegas.” Bill nodded. “Stan, you have to wake up and tell the cops about this guy.”  
  
“And admit to being in league with him?” Stan looked at Bill.  
  
“You don't have to tell them everything, just say he was a bad guy you were hiding from.” Bill shrugged.  
  
“Okay...” Stan sighed. “I guess...I guess it's a good idea to do that. Maybe they can drive him out.” He nodded.  
  
“Good.” Bill smiled. “Come on, let's go find Mabel and Gideon. They're looking for stuff on Rico.”  
  
Stan stood up and followed them out of the room, the door closing behind him. “Hey...thanks for coming in after me.”  
  
Bill grinned. “What are friends for?”  
  
–  
  
“So...apparently he worked for this Rico guy a few times, doing different jobs.” Gideon said as he and Mabel walked together. “At least, that's what I'm figuring out.”  
  
“Why were all those memories shadowy?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Well, they were in regrets. Maybe he's ashamed of them, wishes he could unsee them.” Gideon shrugged.  
  
“Unsee?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Forget. He wishes he could forget them.” Gideon corrected himself.  
  
“Okay.” Mabel nodded. “Hehe, 'unsee' sounds like something Dipper would say.”  
  
“Well, I am only two years older than him.” Gideon admitted. “I guess sometimes stuff like that just slips out. I forget the actual word and say...something else.”  
  
“That's alright, I do it too.” Mabel nodded and walked on. “So, have we learned enough? Should we meet up with the others?”  
  
“I think we've learned as much as we're going to.” Gideon nodded. “Let's go find them.” He headed back, Mabel following him.  
  
–  
  
“Ready to go back to the world of the waking?” Bill asked when they met up again.  
  
“I think we've learned enough.” Gideon nodded. “I've learned his voice well, too, so I can search the town for his thoughts.”  
  
“You can do that?” Bill asked.  
  
“Not normally, but with this I can.” Gideon touched his amulet. “I'll have father drive me around town until I catch wind of his thought-voice.”  
  
“Be careful, Rico is dangerous.” Stan frowned.  
  
“Let's get back to the waking world, everyone.” Bill opened up a portal. “See you soon, Stan.”  
  
“Yeah.” Stan nodded, watching them go through the portal.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can Gideon find the mysterious Rico in town before he escapes?


	65. Justice vs Vengeance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Stan is on the mend, Gideon goes searching for Rico. And when he finds him, can Bill and Dipper stop him in time to prevent a grave mistake?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Well, he seems in good spirits. The doctors are saying it's a miracle he woke up.” Bill said on the phone. “I'll tell him you're coming, so he's not shocked back into a coma, haha.”  
  
“Haha yourself. We'll see you soon.” Wendy said on the other end.  
  
“Drive safe. Remember, there's a psycho on the road.” Bill hung up and turned to head back to Stan's room. He paused by the window and sighed, seeing the trailer pass by. Gideon had been searching for Rico for the past three hours. Did he already leave town? It made Bill's blood boil just thinking of him getting away with what he did.  
  
–  
  
Gideon sat in the trailer, glancing at the unconscious people in front of him. He had considered telling Mabel he'd found them, but then what happened to these guys would be completely out of his hands. He was furious; no one hurt those close to him. Not his cousin, not his girlfriend, and not his girlfriend's uncle. If he left it up to the law, they would wriggle out of it with the resources Rico had accumulated over the years. They were better off without trash like this in the world.  
  
The trailer drove on until it finally stopped. He glanced out the window and then looked towards the door as it opened. “Gideon, we're here.” Bud said, looking at the unconscious group. “Will you need a robe?”  
  
“No.” Gideon shook his head. “I don't intend to be close enough to get any blood on me.” He nodded to him. “Let's take them out to the cabin.”  
  
“As you wish.” Bud lifted the unconscious men out one by one and took them into the cabin they parked nearby. Gideon followed behind him and went to a chest, pulling out a knife.  
  
His phone started to ring and he quickly picked it up, bringing it to his ear. “Yes?”  
  
“Gideon? Did you find them yet?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Mabel.” Gideon glanced at the men, who were starting to wake up. He pointed to rope and Bud went to tie them up together. “No, not yet. I--”  
  
“Where the fuck are we?!”  
  
He paused and sighed, gripping the phone a bit tighter.  
  
“Gideon? Who was that?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Jesus Christ, he's got a knife!”  
  
“That sounded like Rico!” Mabel noticed.  
  
“Yes, I did find him. And, don't worry, I'm not going to let him hurt Stan or anyone else ever again. Love you, darlin'.” Gideon promised, hanging up. “Let's not waste their blood. Bring a bucket.”  
  
Bud nodded and went to a side room.  
  
“You're sick! Who the fuck are you?!” Rico squirmed in the rope.  
  
“I'm just a wizard.” Gideon walked over to him, twirling the knife in his hands. “A very...VERY pissed-off one. You hurt my family, you're going to pay. And I won't make it quick. I want you to suffer as he did.”  
  
His phone rang again, but he ignored it, a cold smile forming on his lips.  
  
–  
  
“Bill!” Mabel ran into the room. “Bill, I think Gideon's making a horrible mistake! You have to stop him, please!”  
  
“What? What's wrong?” Bill asked.  
  
“Gideon found Rico, and I heard something about him having a knife and he said that Rico would never hurt anyone again before he hung up on me!” She clung to Bill. “Please, you have to stop him! Don't let him kill Rico!”  
  
Bill bit his lip before turning to Dipper. “Come on, Pine Tree. I need you to come with me.”  
  
Dipper left Stan's side and climbed into Bill's arms. “We'll be back, Stan.”  
  
Stan nodded. “Don't let that kid get Rico's blood on his hands.”  
  
Bill nodded and headed out, using his Sight as soon as he got outside and then taking to the air. “Hang on, Pine Tree!”  
  
Dipper clung to him tightly. “Do you think Gideon would really do it? Kill Rico, I mean?”  
  
“He tried to kill you.” Bill reminded him. “That kid isn't innocent, by any stretch of the imagination. He's capable of murder and if we don't hurry and find that cabin in the woods he's going to kill Rico.”  
  
“I forgot about that.” Dipper admitted.  
  
“There!” Bill dove towards a cabin that had Gideon's trailer next to it.  
  
–  
  
Rico clenched his teeth as blood dripped down his cheek, the floating knife moving from side to side as Gideon debated on where to cut him next. “What ties do you have to Stan Pines, anyway?”  
  
“He just so happens to be the uncle of my girlfriend.” Gideon said, rotating his finger as the knife spun in front of Rico tauntingly. “Which makes him practically family.”  
  
“You're crazy! You're only a kid!” Rico spat. His companion was whimpering and muttering in Spanish, praying for mercy.  
  
“I may be a kid, but I am not weak.” Gideon said, his lips quirking up a bit. “I might be a little bit off in the head, though, I admit. Hearing the thoughts of everyone from birth, every good or bad thought, can really mess you up.” He swiped at the air and the knife grazed across his forehead. “But, you don't even have that excuse. You're just a horrible person, aren't you? Child trafficking, drug trafficking, kidnapping, murder, among several other crimes that you have done in just the past week. You're a busy man, Mr. Rico.”  
  
The door opened and Bill stepped in. “Gideon, stop!”  
  
Gideon looked over. ”Bill?”  
  
“Shooting Star guessed that you planned to kill him and—is that a bucket?” Bill looked at the bucket tied to the man to catch his blood. “You...okay, that's creepy. You have to stop this.” He walked over and snatched the knife out of the air. “He can face justice the legal way. This is not justice, this is vengeance. Take it from someone who knows!”  
  
Gideon sighed, relinquishing his hold on the knife so it sat slack in Bill's grip. “After all he's done? After what he did to Stan? We're just going to let him walk away?”  
  
“Of course not! We can get him sent away for life!” Bill walked over to him. “Gideon, please, you're better than this. Don't put his blood on the hands you hold Mabel with!”  
  
Gideon was silent and then he sighed. “Alright...fine. I'll let them go.”  
  
“Good boy.” Bill smiled. “We can blame their wounds on wild animals, say we found them hiding out in the woods.”  
  
“You think I'll keep quiet about this?!” Rico snapped. “I'll tell everyone how much of a violent, sadistic FREAK you are, kid!”  
  
“Father.” Gideon looked over at Bud. “Why don't you take them to the trailer ahead of us?”  
  
Bud walked over and pulled the men up after taking off the bucket, taking them to the trailer. Dipper came in and looked around. “Uhm...is that paint in the bucket?” He asked, walking over to look at it.  
  
“Nope, it's blood. Don't touch it.” Bill walked over and steered him away from it.  
  
“Did we stop him?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Yes, we did.” Bill smiled and then looked at Gideon. “Thank you.”  
  
Gideon sighed and walked over to look at himself in a mirror. “You're right. I can't kill anymore. I want to hold Mabel, so I need a fresh start.”  
  
“Anymore? How many have you killed?” Bill asked.  
  
“...Enough. All bad people that deserved it.” Gideon looked at his hands. “Mabel isn't to know, understand? I don't...want her to know.”  
  
“Yeah.” Bill nodded. “I understand that.” He walked over and knelt next to him. “I'm proud of you, Gideon. You stopped where I didn't. I wish I'd had a reason to keep my hands clean back then.”  
  
“Why is there a bucket of blood here?” Dipper asked, looking at it warily. “That's a lot of blood...”  
  
“Let's get out of here.” Bill headed for the door, handing Gideon the knife as he left him. “Come on.”  
  
“Coming.” Dipper walked after him.  
  
Gideon adjusted his suit and cleaned the knife before putting it back and following them out.  
  
–  
  
“Alright, into the car, both of you.” Blubs said as Rico and his companion were handcuffed.  
  
“It's a good thing he didn't rat you out.” Bill said quietly to Gideon.  
  
“I suppose he decided that this town wouldn't believe me capable of that.” Gideon said, glancing at his father.  
  
“That's good.” Mabel smiled, taking his hand.  
  
“We should throw a party for Stan when he gets out of the hospital!” Dipper suggested.  
  
“Great idea.” Bill smiled. “For now, though, we should go fishing. Gideon, you coming?”  
  
“Sure.” Gideon smiled and looked at Mabel. “Last time I didn't get to fish with you.”  
  
“We'll remedy that this time.” Mabel nodded.  
  
“I'll drive!” Bud said cheerfully.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Such a blood-thirsty child.


	66. Agents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan is out of the hospital and back to work! But what is he up to, and who are these strangers in town?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD
> 
> ((A/N: Thank you to everyone that has been reading so far! We have now completed Season 1 with "Gideon Rises" and now onto Season 2! Time for REALLY fun stuff!))

“Hey, Gideon, do you mind if I read that book of yours?” Stan asked as he was helped into the house. “I mean, it'd be a good idea to learn all I can about this town's weird stuff, right?”  
  
“Well...I suppose there's no harm with you readin' it.” Gideon reached into his bag and handed him the 2nd Journal. “Don't keep it, though.”   
  
“Don't worry, I'll give it back.” Stan assured him. “Hey, Dipper, can I see yours, too?”  
  
“Sure!” Dipper brought it over. “Do you need anything else, Grunkle Stan?”  
  
“Mostly just to sit, relax, and brush up on the weird.” Stan chuckled. “Thanks, kid.” He patted his head.  
  
“Okay, we're gonna go to bed now.” Dipper yawned.  
  
“Call if you need anything.” Bill said, setting down Stan's bag. “I'll be in my room.”  
  
“I'll see Gideon off.” Mabel took Gideon's hand and led him to the front door.  
  
Stan sighed happily. “Ahh, young love. Those two make it look so easy.”  
  
Bill nodded. “I'm gonna go help Pine Tree get ready.” He took Dipper's hand and led him up the stairs.  
  
“You have fun with that!” Stan said, opening the 2nd Journal. “I'll just be right here...” He glanced towards the workshop.  
  
–  
  
“Stan, you're back!” Tyrone hopped to his feet. “Do you need any help again tonight?”  
  
“I do, actually.” Stan smiled and set the books down on his desk, opening them. “That accident made it so I had a bit of trouble walking, can you be my legs?”  
  
“Whatever you want, sir!” Tyrone walked over to the toolbox.  
  
“I think we're pretty much done with those.” Stan turned the pages of the books until he found nearly identical ones that were put in the shape of the portal when put together. “Let's see...” He read over it, then moved his chair back and forth between the books, then gasped as he heard a sound. “Tyrone, quick, check on the portal!”  
  
“Yes, sir!” Tyrone opened the door just past the tarp and gasped. “It's glowing!”  
  
“Yes! Help me up, let me see!” Stan held out his hand as Tyrone came back in.  
  
“Here, sir! Unf!” Tyrone pulled him up and led him to the door, looking out at the portal.  
  
“After all these years...” Stan smiled. “Finally.”  
  
“Don't you think that Bill will be angry if he finds out, sir?” Tyrone asked.  
  
“He won't find out. C'mon, let's move your cot upstairs, we'll say something is leaking here.” Stan closed the door and went to Tyrone's cot. “Oh, ow, body still hurts. Heh, I've walked with worse. C'mon, it's an emergency. Grab the books and that photo frame, will ya?” He picked up the cot and carried it to the elevator.  
  
Tyrone grabbed the Journals and the picture of Dipper and Mabel and ran after him. “Here, sir!”  
  
“Good boy.” Stan opened the elevator and ushered him in. “C'mon, hurry!”  
  
When they got to the top, Bill was in the workshop. “Stan, you're in no state to—Tyrone?” Bill frowned.  
  
“Something is leaking from that portal-thingie, it's pretty bad down there! I was hangin' out with Tyrone, and it's a good thing! We almost lost him!” Stan set down the cot, panting for breath.  
  
“Here, let's block the basement again.” Bill moved the vending machine back in front of it. “After we evacuate the house, I'll check things out.”  
  
“Oh, I don't think we need to evacuate the house. Still, better not to go into the basement.” Stan said. “Help me with his cot?”  
  
Bill looked at him doubtfully, but helped him with the cot. Had he just imagined the floorboards glowing?   
  
\--

A black Corvette drove up and parked outside the Mystery Shack, the two men inside surveying the area. “Animatronics have gotten to be really realistic lately.” One of them commented, seeing the tree-house cage that had two baby pterodactyls.   
  
“Yes, indeed.” The other looked at the giant sea monster in the pool. “I bet it really brings in the money, though. Anyways, we're not here to admire.” He opened his door and stepped out. “Let's see if we can find the truth. Let's find a local.”  
  
“You think a local would know?” The other one asked, getting out of the passenger side.  
  
“Who else would?” The first agent pulled out a briefcase. “Come on, let's go.”  
  
–  
  
“Hey, Mister Pines, what's that code word I'm supposed to use if I see a government vehicle?” Soos asked, pausing in his sweeping.  
  
“Government vehicle?!” Stan and Bill said in unison.  
  
“Alright, everyone out!” Stan said, hitting a store-wide intercom. “The Mystery Shack is now closed!”  
  
The customers looked confused but filed out. Dipper helpfully held the door open for them. “Bye, come back in a few hours! Family business!” He said as they passed him. “Feel free to hang out at the Tent of Telepathy while waiting!”  
  
“Ohh, I love that place!” A woman said excitedly.  
  
Dipper closed the door and put the closed sign up. “What's going on?”  
  
“Stan, why is there a _government vehicle_ here?” Bill asked. “What did you do?”  
  
“Why do you assume I did anything?” Stan asked.  
  
“You've been jumpy since that leak down in the basement, what did you--” Bill was cut off by the door being knocked on.  
  
“Should we open it?” Dipper asked.  
  
“I'll handle it.” Stan said, grabbing his cane and leaving his spot. He opened the door and put on a big smile. “Welcome to the Mystery Shack, gentleman! What can I get for you? Key-chains? Snowglobes? These rare photos of American Presidents?” He pulled a bit of money out of his sleeve.  
  
Clearly unimpressed, the men pulled out their IDs and badges. “My name is Agent Powers and this man is Agent Trigger. We're here to investigate reports of mysterious activity in this town.”  
  
“ _Activity._ ” Agent Trigger pointed at Stan suspiciously.  
  
“Mysterious activity? If you're talkin' about the monsters and stuff people talk about, it's all just part of the tourist attraction thing!” Stan assured them.  
  
“No, we're talking about _other_ kinds of activity.” Agent Powers said, shaking his head. “We'd like to look around the Shack.”  
  
“Well, there's nothing mysterious here! Unless you're talking about Mabel's mysterious ability to knit a sweater in one day, hah!” Stan slapped his knee then groaned in pain. “Oww...”  
  
“I don't understand your joke.” Agent Powers said flatly. “Now, if you'll excuse me, we are conducting a government-sanctioned investigation.” He moved Stan to the side.  
  
“ _Investigation_!” Agent Trigger said, stepping in after him.  
  
“Gentlemen, may I have a word?” Bill stepped in front of them with a big smile on his face. “I see that you have your badges and IDs and that you are government, but without a warrant you can't just barge in. You are interfering with our business by your arrival, and the hours to come and do your investigations are on the door, after we're closed, _with a warrant_.”  
  
“What--” Agent Powers frowned.  
  
“Do you have a warrant? Produce it, please.” Bill held out a hand.  
  
“No, we don't have a--”  
  
“Then kindly go and get one and return when we are closed so that you are not interfering with our work. I promise that I will prevent any cover-ups from happening. I believe you understand that I am only asking for due process?” Bill clasped his hands behind his back.  
  
“Alright, fine. But we'll be back!” Agent Powers turned to go.  
  
“We'll be _back_!” Agent Trigger said, pointing a finger at Bill.  
  
“Agent Powers, kindly take your parrot in human form out of my face.” Bill said flatly. “It's very rude to point.”  
  
“Agent Trigger, come on.” Agent Powers headed back to the car.  
  
Agent Trigger narrowed his eyes at Bill. “Why is your skin gold?”  
  
“Why is your nose tiny?” Bill asked.  
  
“Why are your ears pointy?” Agent Trigger demanded.  
  
“Can you stop nitpicking my demon costume and get out of here?” Bill rolled his eyes.  
  
“Agent Trigger!” Agent Powers called.  
  
“Fine!” Agent Trigger walked out and shut the door behind him.  
  
“Must be a new guy, he didn't jump to obey orders the first time. Young upstart looking for action.” Bill commented, walking over to watch them get in the car and drive away. “I've bought us time, Stan. That's all I can do without further arousing their suspicion. Are you _sure_ you didn't do anything?”  
  
“I swear!” Stan crossed his heart.  
  
Bill sighed. “Okay, so they were just following tourists' tales. I'll give Gideon the heads-up, and tell the customers the shop is open again. C'mon, Pine Tree.” He walked over and opened the door.  
  
“Coming!” Dipper followed him out.  
  
Mabel looked at Stan. “I can totally teach you how to knit a sweater in a day.”  
  
Stan looked at Tyrone, who was quietly messing with the pamphlets and giving Stan an “I told you” look.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How long can Stan keep Bill from finding out that Stan lied to him?


	67. Dusk of the Dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Those pesky agents won't go away, Dipper decides to chase them off with a scary spell!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“We're here!” Grenda and Candy said in unison.  
  
“My butler is bringing the rest of the party supplies from the car. I got everything you said you might need.” Pacifica said, walking up to Mabel.  
  
“Thanks, Pacifica. Things have just been so crazy, I planned to throw this party sooner.” Mabel sighed.  
  
“It's alright.” Pacifica reached up and placed a hand on her shoulder. “I mean, he's been getting back into...the 'swing of things', right?”  
  
“Gideon talked to you, huh?” Mabel smiled.  
  
Pacifica blushed a bit. “I'm...not very good at this...comforting thing.” She admitted.  
  
“Hey, Miss Northwest!” Bill greeted, coming in with streamers to put up. “You made it! I thought your parents wouldn't let you?”  
  
“Gideon talked to them, convinced them otherwise.” Pacifica looked around. “So...blacklight?”  
  
“Hey, blacklight is cool. Plus, the streamers and party paint we got glow in blacklight.” Bill shrugged. “Wendy's helping Pine Tree make pictures to put on the wall if you wanna join 'em.”  
  
“I'm good.” Pacifica waved the idea off.  
  
“Come on, Gideon's in the living room with Stan.” Mabel led her in. “I gotta get back to the kitchen to help Susan and Abuelita make desserts!”  
  
Pacifica shrugged and walked over to Bill. “Can I help?”  
  
“Uh, sure. I'll float you up and you can pin these streamers and ribbons in place.” Bill shrugged.  
  
“Bill!” Dipper came into the room. “That car is back!”  
  
“What?” Bill groaned. “Great, just great. We're trying to have a party and these guys are getting in our business.”  
  
“Why not chase them out?” Pacifica asked.  
  
“Because I already did that once.” Bill sighed. “We gotta force them out without them knowing it was us somehow...”  
  
“Oh!” Dipper ran upstairs.  
  
“...Pine Tree, don't you do it!” Bill dropped the stuff he was holding and ran after him.  
  
“What's he gonna do?” Grenda asked.  
  
Pacifica shrugged.  
  
–  
  
“ _Corpus Levitas, Diablo....Dominium, Mondo....Mondo Vicium!_ ” Dipper was standing at a window with Journal 2 open in his hands, looking out at the car.  
  
“Pine Tree, stop it!” Bill snatched the book out of his hands. “What do you think you're doing?!”  
  
“I-I wanted to drive them away!” Dipper said, gasping and clinging to Bill when the ground shook. “What was that?!”  
  
“Let's go outside.” Bill picked him up and went outside, where the ground was starting to split near the car.  
  
“What is going on here?!” Gideon ran out. “Bill?!”  
  
“Pine Tree.” Bill handed the book to Gideon. “Oh boy, we've got trouble.”  
  
“I'll say. I don't know how to destroy them!” Gideon said, shaking his head.  
  
“Let's go inside, the agents seem distracted.” Bill said, leading the kids inside. “We need to figure out what to do about the undead coming out.” They heard one of the agent fire their gun. “Before they fun out of ammo.”  
  
“What's going on?!” Mabel cried. “Why are there zombies outside?!”  
  
“Shh, be quiet. They're attracted to sound!” Bill held up a finger to his lips. “Let's get the books and see what we can find. Gideon, is there anything in your tomes?”  
  
“No, nothing.” Gideon sighed. “Really, Dipper...”  
  
“I was trying to help.” Dipper pouted.  
  
“There's zombies outside!” Grenda said as ran in with Pacifica's driver.  
  
“Yes, we know. Close all the doors and windows and block them!” Bill said. “I'm going to get Stan and the others, it's best if we're all together!”  
  
“Can we go to the basement?” Dipper asked.  
  
“No, there's that leak there.” Bill shook his head. “We'll just have to—”  
  
“Invisible ink!”  
  
“What?” Bill looked at Gideon.  
  
“It's invisible ink! Look, it showed up under the blacklight! The answer was here all along!” Gideon showed them the page, which was now covered with glowing writing.  
  
“I-Invisible...ink?” Bill stammered. “H-He used...what else is...” He cleared his throat and composed himself. “Okay, so we need a perfect three-part harmony.”  
  
“Oh, I got a karaoke machine for the party! We can sing one of those songs!” She grabbed Gideon's arm. “You, me, and Bill can sing!”  
  
“You don't even know if I can sing.” Bill raised an eyebrow.  
  
“I have heard you singing lullabies to Dipper.” She smiled slyly. “Come on, let's do it!”  
  
“And quickly!” Grenda said, holding a table against the door.  
  
“Alright, fine!” Bill looked at Mabel. “Where's the machine?”  
  
“I set it up on the roof, come on!” Mabel ran off, pulling Gideon with her.  
  
Dipper ran over to where Stan was coming out with the others. “Grunkle Stan, I'm sorry, I panicked, I wanted them to go away!” He clung to him. “You're not mad at me, are you?!”  
  
“Just stay close to me, everyone.” Stan said, holding his gun at the ready. “Hopefully they can wipe these things out before they get in!”  
  
The window glass broke as a hand came through, glowing eyes looking in at them menacingly.  
  
“Bill!” Dipper cried out in terror.  
  
–  
  
“It doesn't matter what we sing, just pick one!” Bill said, firing a blast of fire at the zombies trying to climb up.  
  
“Okay, okay!” Mabel picked one. “Okay, ready? Do you know this one?”  
  
“I'll follow your leads.” Bill said as Gideon nodded.  
  
“Okay!” Mabel turned on the machine and the music started to play as she grabbed a microphone. “Here we go! _I come home in the morning light, my mother says 'when you gonna live your life right'. 'Oh, mama dear, we're not the fortunate ones! And girls, they wanna have fun'. Oh, girls just wanna have fuuuun!”  
  
_ Gideon picked up another microphone. “ _The phone rings in the middle of the night, my father yells 'What you gonna do with your life'. 'Oh, daddy dear, you know you're still number one but girls, they wanna have fun'. Oh, girls just wanna have--_ ”  
  
Mabel passed Bill the third mic and they sang together. “ _That's all they really waaaant. Some fuuuuun~! When the working day is done, oh, girls they wanna have fun. Oh, girls just wanna haaaave fuuun!_ ”  
  
_Girls, they want  
Wanna have fun  
Girls  
Wanna have  
_  
They waited for the machine to continue on to the next verse, noticing that there were quite a few zombies dead on the ground.  
  
“Boogie time!” Mabel started to dance while the musical interlude played. “Take it, Bill!”  
  
Bill struck a few poses as he sang. “ _Some boys take a beautiful girl and hide her away from the rest of the world. I wanna be the one to walk in the sun! Oh, girls, they wanna have fun. Oh, girls, just wanna have fun!_ ”  
  
They sang together again:  
  
“ _That's all they really waaaaant! Some fuuuun!  
When the working day is done, oh, girls, they wanna have fun  
Oh, girls just wanna have fun!_ ”  
  
The machine joined in with it's vocal part again.  
  
_Girls, they want  
Wanna have fun  
Girls  
Wanna have  
_  
“ _They just wanna, they just wanna~!_ ” Mabel sang.  
  
“ _They just wanna, they just wanna~!_ ” Gideon joined in with her.  
  
“ _Oh, girls...Girls just wanna have fun!_ ” Bill sang with a big smile.  
  
“ _They just wanna, they just wanna  
They just wanna, they just wanna  
They just wanna, oh, girls  
Just wanna have fun!  
  
When the working day is done,  
When the working day is done  
Oh, when the working day is done  
Oh, girl  
Girls just wanna have fu-un~!_ ” They all sang in perfect harmony.  
  
The zombies started to screech and run around holding their heads before their heads blew open and their bodies fell to the ground. Agents Powers and Trigger were staring in disbelief.  
  
“ _They just wanna, they just wanna, oh girls_  
_Girls just wanna have fu-un!_ ” The trio sang up above as the song came to a close.  
  
“I think that did it!” Mabel cheered.  
  
“Well, that was fun.” Bill rolled his neck. “Let's go check on the others.”  
  
“I'll be in in a moment.” Gideon told them as they went back inside. Then he pulled out his phone and dialed a number. “Father, I need damage control, stat.”  
  
“What's wrong?” Bud asked.  
  
“Government agents, they saw a zombie uprising in this town. They were already suspicious.” Gideon glanced at the men, who were examining the bodies.  
  
“They will unsee everything.” Bud hung up.  
  
Gideon nodded and went inside.  
  
–  
  
“Well, that was fun! Can we actually have a party now?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Yeah, sounds great.” Stan nodded, setting his empty gun to the side. “That was really close there, I almost had to go for the bat!”  
  
“What have we learned?” Bill looked at Dipper.  
  
“No waking the dead.” Dipper looked at his shoes sheepishly.  
  
“Good boy.” Bill rubbed his head. “But, hey, at least we found out about the invisible ink! Imagine all the secrets, huh?”  
  
“Yeah!” Dipper nodded with a smile.  
  
“You're still in trouble, though.” Stan told him.  
  
“Aww.” Dipper looked back down.  
  
“Do you think the Gobblewonker will get sick? It ate a zombie.” Pacifica looked concerned.  
  
“I think it'll be fine.” Candy assured her. “Gobblewonker is tough.”  
  
“So, what do we do about the government agents? They saw everything.” Bill walked over and opened the door. “I don't think we can...where are they?”  
  
“They left?” Stan asked.  
  
“Their car is still here.” Bill shook his head.  
  
“Did Gobblewonker eat them?” Candy asked, adjusting her glasses.  
  
“Unlikely.” Gideon walked over to look out the door. “They'll probably turn up, people go missing and show up later in this town all the time.”  
  
“Yeah, that's always freaked me out.” Stan admitted.  
  
“I'm going to bring out the pie.” Susan said, going into the kitchen.  
  
“I'm gonna go clean up the bodies.” Bill walked outside to start burning the bodies.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bye-bye, agents!


	68. Planning an Exploration!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the events of the party, Bill finds information about a secret underground bunker written in invisible ink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Invisible Ink...”  
  
Secrets, stories, things that he'd had hidden from him. Bill sat at his desk looking over the pages of the 3rd Journal with a blacklight bulb in the desk-lamp. “Man...I really messed you up, didn't I?” He ran a hang through his hair and looked over at Dipper sleeping in his bed. “I guess I really deserved to be sealed away for 30 years...” He turned page after page until he found the one talking about possible hiding spots for the Journals. “Hold on.” He examined the writing at the base of the tree. “'Prepare for the end'...of course, an underground bunker. I think I remember them talking about one before.”  
  
“Mm...Bill, turn off the light.” Dipper shifted in his sleep.  
  
Bill sighed and turned off the light, going to lie down on the bed next to him. “You know, kid, you have your own bed.”  
  
“Yours is Bill-er.” Dipper giggled sleepily.  
  
“Sure, sure.” Bill sighed and opened his arms to let Dipper climb into them. “I bet your sister misses you, though.”  
  
“She knows where to find me.” Dipper yawned and snuggled up close.  
  
“Hey, wanna go check out a bunker tomorrow?” Bill asked.  
  
“Mm...sure.” Dipper nodded.  
  
“Awesome.” Bill smiled and closed his eyes.  
  
“We should get you a hat-rack, too. I wanna see if your hat floats over it.” Dipper yawned.  
  
“Mmhm, sure.” Bill chuckled softly. “We'll do that.”  
  
–  
  
“You're going to explore an old bunker?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Yep, I found it on one of the pages, written in invisible ink.” Bill tapped the Journal. “Was wondering if you guys all wanted to come.”  
  
“Uhm...” Mabel looked at Stan. “We have...plans already. But Wendy's not doing anything!”  
  
“We're going on a double-date with Stan and Susan.” Gideon explained.  
  
“But, you'll miss the fun!” Dipper pouted.  
  
“Sorry, Dipper. We already bought tickets and reserved a table.” Mabel kissed his cheek. “Next time, okay? Promise.”  
  
Bill shrugged and pulled out his phone, dialing Wendy's number. When he picked up he said “Hey, Red. Wanna go explore an old bunker today?”  
  
“Sure, okay. Wait, this isn't a date, is it?” Wendy asked.  
  
“Red, you are as attractive to me as a light-post. I promise, it's not a date. Plus, Pine Tree will be there.” Bill assured her.  
  
“Alright, I'll head over.” Wendy agreed.  
  
“Great.” Bill smiled. “See you soon.”  
  
“Don't leave without me!” Wendy said teasingly, hanging up.  
  
“She's been needing a good distraction trip.” Bill said, putting his phone back in his pocket.  
  
“Alright, you guys have fun, let me know how it goes.” Mabel smiled.  
  
“Okay! Bring me back a treat!” Dipper hugged her.  
  
“Mabel, we gotta go.” Stan tapped his watch.  
  
“Alright.” Mabel kissed Dipper's cheek one more time and then took Gideon's hand. “Let's go.”  
  
“Try not to get into too much trouble while we're gone.” Gideon said as they walked out.  
  
“And have fun!” Susan said cheerfully.  
  
“Get outta here already, ya lovebirds!” Bill grinned.  
  
“We're gone!” Mabel said as they walked out the door and shut the door.  
  
“Well, let's go get ready for a bunker trip.” Bill grinned. “Go get your backpack.”  
  
“Okay!” Dipper ran up to get it.  
  
Bill heard the door open and looked over to see Grenda and Candy had come in, with Pacifica hanging back trying to pretend she wasn't with them. “Oookay, did Shooting Star make plans and forget?”  
  
“No, we were planning to surprise her! Why, is she out?” Grenda asked. “We ran into each other out in town and wanted a girls' day out!”  
  
“Well, it looks like you just missed her. She's on a double date with Gideon, Susan and Stan.” Bill shrugged. “Pine Tree and I were gonna go explore a bunker with Red, wanna come?”  
  
“A bunker?” Pacifica paused in twirling a lock of her hair. “Will it be...messy?”  
  
“Most likely, no one's been in it in a while.” Bill shrugged. “Why? That scare you off, Miss Northwest?”  
  
“No, I...I'm fine with messy.” She continued twirling the lock of hair.  
  
“Uuuuh-huh.” Bill put his hands on his hips. “Okay, what's going on? No bodyguard, no butler, no 'friends', and you were wandering around downtown? Things okay at home?”  
  
“I just don't want to go home right now.” Pacifica said, shaking her head.  
  
“Thought so. Don't worry, I totally get it. My parents weren't perfect but thought they were, too. Alright, if we're gonna go into the bunker, we better make sure your parents don't know. Come on, let's get you some of Shooting Star's clothes.”  
  
Pacifica nodded and walked over to the stairs. “The rest of you can wait on the couch – in the LIVING ROOM, GRENDO.” Bill pointed towards the living room as Grenda started to head for his.  
  
“Worth a shot.” She grinned cheekily.  
  
“Uh-uh, nope. You stay out of there, last time you tried to take my pillow home.” Bill followed them into the living room.  
  
“So, where is this bunker?” Candy asked him.  
  
Bill opened the book and turned on the small blacklight he had in his pocket. “Underneath this tree. The Author and his assistant had an old bunker that they did a lot of experiments in and also prepared for 'the end of the world'. I'd heard of it but never seen it. Until now. Today, we're going to see it.”  
  
“Hello!” Wendy called.  
  
“We're in the living room!” Bill called to her. “We're waiting for Miss Northwest to finish changing into something not-so-fancy!”  
  
–  
  
“How about this outfit?” Dipper asked, setting a green sweater and blue-jean jumper combo on the bed. “You can tie your hair up, too!”  
  
“Well...it's not...what I'd usually wear.” Pacifica admitted.  
  
“What size shoe do you wear?” Dipper asked, pulling out boots. “Try these on.”  
  
“What are you wearing?” Pacifica asked him.  
  
“I haven't decided yet.” Dipper admitted. “Oh, I can wear my overalls and we'll match! Are you okay with wearing overalls?” He pulled out some blue-jean overalls in Mabel's size instead then pulled out his own and a green t-shirt.  
  
“I guess...that's not a bad idea.” Pacifica reached back to unfasten her dress. “Uhm...oh, darn...”  
  
“You okay?” Dipper looked at her.  
  
“I'm going to be honest, my parents don't let me dress myself usually...” Pacifica admitted. “Uhm...I don't know how to...”  
  
“Oh, here! Kneel down.” Dipper went behind her as she knelt down. “Uhh...that's not a zipper. Bill! Bill, help!”  
  
“What's up?” Bill came running up. “Everything okay?” He looked in, surveying the situation.  
  
“She can't get out of her clothes.” Dipper said as Pacifica's face went pink from embarrassment.  
  
“Oh, is that all?” Bill smiled and walked over, kneeling down to help her undo her clasps. “There you go, princess. You're free.”  
  
“Oh, go away.” Pacifica dropped her hair down to cover her back again.  
  
“Going.” Bill laughed, walking out.  
  
“Do you need help?” Dipper asked.  
  
“I think I'll be okay from here. Do you?” She looked at him.  
  
“Nuh-uh! I can dress myself!” Dipper pulled off his shirt and grabbed the new one, pulling it on. “See!”  
  
“Dipper, that's backwards.” Pacifica smiled a bit. “Let me help you.”  
  
“Did you help Gideon dress?” Dipper asked as she pulled the shirt over his head and turned it around to put it back on.  
  
“No, but I dressed enough dolls.” Pacifica smiled a bit, then sighed. “That is, until mother decided they weren't lady-like enough. Dolls are for children, she said.”  
  
“I thought you were a kid?” Dipper asked.  
  
“I'm almost 13, soon they'll start showing me to suitors.” Pacifica lamented. “They're already looking for the best candidates to raise them up in the social class.”  
  
“That's terrible.” Dipper frowned.  
  
“It is. That's why I...went out.” Pacifica sat back and started to pull off her dress.  
  
“Do you want me to look away?” Dipper asked.  
  
“If you want to. I don't really care, you're seven.” Pacifica giggled a bit.  
  
Dipper turned away to give her privacy and took off his shorts to change into his overalls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is an interesting group! Bill's gonna have his hands full with this one.


	69. Into the Bunker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill leads the small group into The Author's old bunker. What will they find here?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

Gideon noticed his phone vibrating in his pocket and pulled it out, motioning for the others to go ahead to their seats without him. “What the? My aunt?” He answered it and brought it to his ear. “Yes?”  
  
“Gideon, is Pacifica with you?” She asked.  
  
“Pacifica?” Gideon glanced to the side. On the one hand, something could've happened to her. On the other, she could've just run off upset again. “Yes, she's here. She's in the bathroom right now.” Either way, he would figure out where she was in a bit.  
  
“Oh, good. She ran off after we had a small argument.” She said, relieved. “But, if she's with you then I'm not worried.”  
  
“What happened? What was the fight about?” Gideon asked.  
  
“Oh, you know...the usual...” She said hesitantly.  
  
Gideon groaned. “Aunt Priscilla, she's only 12. Give her time before you sell her off to the highest bidder. And I want to meet the suitors before you decide on one, anyway.”  
  
“I just wish her father wasn't busy...she never argues with him.” Priscilla's voice was pouty.  
  
“And I think we both know why and, if I had any say, it wouldn't exist anymore. I'll tell her you called.” He hung up and called Pacifica's number, waiting patiently for her to answer.  
  
“Hello? Wow, I still have reception here?”  
  
“Pacifica, where are you?” Gideon asked.  
  
“I'm going underground! Bill found this old bunker and—going to—it. I think—ception—bad, so I'll give you a call when I—out. Have fun on your date!”  
  
“Be careful down there, who knows what The Author was up to down there?” Gideon frowned. “Your mother called, I said you were with me.”  
  
“Thanks! You're—utting out, I'll call you later! Bye now!” Pacifica hung up.  
  
Gideon sighed. “Well, at least I know she's safe with Bill.” He put his phone away and went to his seat.  
  
–  
  
“Alright, everyone stay close to the glowing demon.” Bill said cheerfully. “It's awfully dark here!”  
  
“So, uhm, there's a code to get in, right?” Dipper asked. “I mean, those symbols are a code, right?”  
  
“Probably? This is my first time going in.” Bill admitted. “The Author wasn't very forthcoming with information about the bunker. Probably didn't trust me as much as he said he did.”  
  
“And after all you gave him.” Grenda said sympathetically.  
  
“What can I say, he was only human. Deception and distrust are, sadly, human traits.” Bill shrugged. “For demons, it's...well, clear-cut. We make deals, we fulfill the deal, the humans usually do their part...or seal us in a closet for 30 years to get out of it.”  
  
“You've been through so much.” Grenda placed her hand on his arm.  
  
“Okay, Grenda, let's tone down the flirting.” Wendy laughed.  
  
“Anyways, the symbols. I think it's a key, but the book doesn't really explain much about them. Something about a room, and that's it.” Bill nudged Grenda's hand off his arm and shone the blacklight on the page. “I assume these highlighted ones are the ones we have to hit.”  
  
“What is this language?” Candy asked, peering at the page curiously.  
  
“No idea. The Author came up with his own code.” Bill shrugged.  
  
“I thought you knew everything?” Dipper asked, tugging on him. “Bill, can I ride on your back?”  
  
“Alright.” Bill knelt down to let him on. “And, no, I don't know _everything_. I know _lots_ _of things_.” He corrected. “But, this is something my Sight can't help with.”  
  
“Oh.” Dipper shrugged and climbed onto his back.  
  
“Hang on.” Bill stood up and continued on, holding Dipper on with one hand.  
  
“How deep is this thing?” Pacifica asked.  
  
“There's a door.” Wendy moved ahead of the group and opened the door, staring blankly at the strange blocks inside. “Uhh...”  
  
“Right...symbols.” Bill looked at the book and sighed. “Okay...I'm not sure why we have to use this. Maybe it's already disarmed?”  
  
“How can we check?” Pacifica asked.  
  
“Hold on. Red, take Pine Tree. The rest of you, stand back.” Bill said, handing the book to Grenda.  
  
“Alright.” Wendy took Dipper off his back.  
  
“Be careful, Bill.” Dipper said as they stepped back.  
  
Bill stepped into the room, heading for the opposite door. Suddenly, the blocks started to close in on him. Bill split into multiples of himself and hit the symbols that were highlighted, stopping them short. “Okay, that's done!” He opened the other door, calling back his doubles. “Come on over, kids!”  
  
“Don't call me a kid.” Wendy playfully punched his arm as they got to him.  
  
“Oh, forgive my transgression. Seriously, what is with you girls and punching me? Do I look like a leather bag of cotton to you?” Bill rubbed his arm.  
  
“You look like a nerd. A bowtie, really?” Wendy laughed.  
  
“Bowties are cool.” Bill said, adjusting his.  
  
“To who, nerds?” Wendy teased him.  
  
“Hey, is that a laptop?” Candy ran over and picked up a dusty old machine. “I don't know who made it, it's not a style I've seen. And it's really old.”  
  
“We'll bring it out with us.” Bill shrugged. “Someone shove it in their backpack.” He looked around. “Wow, lots of monitors here. And they're not all for outside.” He tapped a screen. “This must be in here.”  
  
“One of them is broken.” Dipper commented, climbing up on the old dusty chair.  
  
“Yeah...there's liquid on the floor too. Shit, that means an experiment is loose. Everyone stay close.” Bill frowned.  
  
“Look, a door!” Grenda opened it.  
  
“Let's go exploring!” Wendy went in.  
  
“Wait, shouldn't we wait for Bill to lead?” Pacifica asked.  
  
“I'm perfectly capable of leading.” Wendy said with playful defiance.  
  
Bill looked over and raised his visible eyebrow. “Girls, seriously? I just said there's a creature on the loose in there and you're deciding _now_ to be brats and not listen to your elder?”  
  
“You better catch up, then!” Wendy grinned at him before darting in. “Come on, Dipper!”  
  
“Oh, coming!” Dipper climbed down. “Come on, Bill!”  
  
Bill looked around at the notes he planned to look over first and sighed. “Okay, fine, we're going in blind! But don't say I didn't warn you!”  
  
–  
  
Someone was here. Someone was here after soooo long. How long had it been? Was _he_ back? He hadn't seen either of _them_ since they trapped him in that machine, unaware that it was faulty and would wear out over time and let him break out.  
  
The creature watched from the ceiling as the group of people came in, taking pictures and chatting excitedly like it was some tourist location. Only one of them seemed on-edge, and he...hold on, the back of his coat...an eye, over a yellow brick pattern. Didn't _he_ have pictures of someone like that? But he didn't look exactly like the pictures.  
  
This needed more investigating. The man was carrying the _book_ , he had to get it from them somehow. He skittered along the ceiling after them, keeping his distance just in case that eye was actually an eye and not just a design.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh, who's THIS guy?


	70. F

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's something in the bunker, but is it friendly or dangerous?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Okay, so we're in a creepy underground cave. What if we get lost?” Dipper asked as they walked.  
  
“Well, maybe there was a map in that room, if you'd all let me look around for warnings and notes.” Bill said pointedly. “I know there's something in the bunker, but the pages about it are ripped out.”  
  
“Is it dangerous?” Pacifica asked.  
  
“It broke out of a cryo pod, I'd say yes.” Bill huffed. “This is why you let ME lead, okay? No more running on ahead without a plan.”  
  
“Oh, come on. Where's your sense of fun?” Wendy grinned at him.  
  
“Red, I know you're still sore about what happened, but please don't risk Pine Tree's life going wild. Trust me, I've DONE the 'going wild' thing, it never ends well.” Bill put his hands on his hips. “And right now we're in an underground cave with no map and a monster on the loose, so can you please get your priorities straight?”  
  
“I've got my axe.” She held it up. “And you've got your magic, Grenda can pack a punch and Candy's got a tazer. We can handle any monster.”  
  
“My, what an impressive lineup!” A voice said cheerfully as a young man in a labcoat approached them. “You just might survive down here, after all!”  
  
“Who are you?” Dipper asked, frowning a bit. Why did this guy look familiar?  
  
“You can call me Professor F!” The man held out a hand.  
  
Bill laughed a bit. “You're not F.”  
  
“Oh?” F looked at him.  
  
“F is an old man now. You're one of The Author's experiments, aren't you? And you haven't seen F in all these years.” Bill approached him, moving between him and the kids. “30 years, I'm guessing. Who are you really?”  
  
“I should ask the same question of you.” F said coolly.  
  
“Bill Cipher, demon.” Bill held out a hand cheerfully. “Your turn!”  
  
“I am exactly who I said I was. I don't know what you're talking about.” F turned to go, offended.  
  
“Yeah, sure.” Bill handed the book to Dipper and threw a punch. The man let out a clicking sound as he was struck to the ground and then turned to glare at him, his eyes no longer human. “Whoa.”  
  
“Oh, so the _great_ Bill Cipher just _has_ to expose me? Do you _really_ want to see how I _really_ look?” The man said, little clicks after every other word.  
  
“Actually, I think we're good. You can keep looking like that.” Pacifica said, gripping Bill's coat.  
  
F turned to look at her, his gaze narrowing for a bit. “Why did you bring all these children down here? Do you have any idea what kind of things The Author did down here?”  
  
“No, actually. He ripped out the pages.” Bill gestured to the book. “Who, or what, are you?”  
  
F chittered a bit and approached them again. “May I see that book?”  
  
“Uhh, no. You might not give it back, and we're very attached to it.” Bill moved his coat so it was blocking F's view of the book.  
  
“Please, let me see it? _He_ never let me see it.” F reached his hands towards Dipper greedily.  
  
“Back off!” Bill shoved him back. “I think he had good reason to not let you! Why do you look like a young F?”  
  
“It's all I know.” The creature admitted. “I'm a shapeshifter. The Author hatched me, all I know is him and his research. All I want is more forms to shift into, let me see it!” The creature swiped at Dipper again, who moved behind Bill with the book. “LET ME SEE IT, CHILD!”  
  
“He told you to back off!” Wendy moved forward with her axe, Grenda pounding her fist into her palm aggressively. “Leave us alone, you creep!”  
  
“I will get it...” F growled, but stepped away and ran off.  
  
“He's not done. May I suggest we get the fuck out of here?” Bill suggested.  
  
“But...which way is out?” Candy asked, looking around.  
  
“...Fuck. Me.” Bill groaned, slapping a hand to his face.  
  
Grenda looked like she was eager to fulfill that request but decided Bill was in too foul a mood for her to volunteer, even as a joke.  
  
–  
  
“Should I be worried? I'm not getting through to their phones.” Mabel said anxiously.  
  
“They are underground.” Gideon placed his hand on hers. “I think they're okay, Bill would never let anything happen to them – especially not your brother.”  
  
“If you think so...” Mabel hung up and put it in her pocket.  
  
“You trust Bill, don't you?” Gideon smiled. “Come on, let's enjoy the night. Your uncle and Susan are waiting.” He gently led her towards where they were waiting by the water for a romantic boat ride event.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things just got scarier for the kids.


	71. Cryo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group finds an ominous room in the bunker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“So, what have we learned from this?” Bill asked as they found themselves back at where they met F again.  
  
“Let Bill find a map before we go into the dungeon.” Wendy said in a resigned tone. “What about your Sight?”  
  
“I can _try_ , but it would leave me vulnerable for as long as it takes to map the place out, and even then I may not find the way out.” Bill shook his head. “Nope, we're doing this the old-fashioned way. No maps, no magic Sight. Let's go this way.” He led them down another direction.  
  
“Bill, I'm getting tired of walking.” Dipper whimpered.  
  
Bill paused and picked him up then turned to the rest. “Anyone else tired?” Everyone but Wendy nodded and Bill sighed. “Okay, let's just see what's over here and then we'll stop for a rest.” He coaxed, walking down the path.  
  
“How long have we been down here?” Pacifica asked.  
  
“About four hours. I have a very good perception of time passing.” Bill glanced around. “No sign of 'F' anywhere...which worries me.”  
  
“Who is F? The real F, I mean.” Pacifica walked a bit faster to keep pace with Bill and walk next to him.  
  
“F was The Author's lab assistant. After being used to lure the Gremoblin and other horrible things and then finally an accident with that old portal in the basement, he quit.” Bill explained.  
  
“What happened?” Dipper asked.  
  
“During a test-run, he was almost pulled in and it was only because he was caught on a cord that he didn't go through entirely. Apparently the things he saw there drove him to the point of near-insanity and he quit before he could be involved in anything more with The Author.” Bill sighed heavily. “Poor guy.”  
  
“So, this... _thing_ knew him, and is copying his younger form?” Wendy asked.  
  
“Yeah. Why he's not just copying The Author, I can't figure out. I suppose he did the smart thing and didn't let the _shapeshifter_ see his face.” Bill shrugged.  
  
“Wait a minute, he's seen all of us! How will we know if we're not the shapeshifter? What if we get separated?” Candy asked.  
  
“Okay, first of all, we're not going to get separated. Secondly, if you aren't sure then ask a question only the real one could answer.” Bill said matter-of-factly. “The shapeshifter only knows our looks, he can't copy our minds and memories.”  
  
“Oh, okay. That's good to know.” Candy nodded, adjusting her glasses.  
  
“A good thought, though. Also, it'd be a good idea to yell if something grabs you, since he'd have to stash the real one away and I would hear you yelling.” Bill said, looking at the group. “Got that?”  
  
“Mmhm.” Dipper said, rubbing at his eyes.  
  
“Tired?” Bill looked at him. “Hm...I'd blast us out, but I don't know what we might be under, or how far this goes. I could flood the place.”  
  
“Can't you check?” Pacifica asked.  
  
“Unfortunately, X-Ray is not one of my abilities. Even without most of my abilities being inaccessible at the moment.” Bill shook his head.  
  
“What was The Author thinking?” Grenda asked.  
  
Bill opened the journal and shone the blacklight on it pointedly. “'Prepare for the end'.”  
  
“So, he was pretty far gone.” Wendy remarked.  
  
“He was far gone before I even _met_ him.” Bill shook his head. “Guy was messed in the head, instead of talking to the gnomes to learn about them, he took one and experimented on it. Remember Schmebulock?”  
  
“Uh, which one was that?” Dipper asked.  
  
“He only said his name. Schmebulock. It was his father that was captured and experimented on before he was finally turned loose. Messed the guy and his future offspring up so bad.” Bill scowled. “Scientists have no regard for anything.”  
  
“You're not a scientist?” Wendy asked. “With how smart you are?”  
  
“Not all smart people are scientists, Red.” Bill chuckled. “No, I decided to be something else. I could've been a scholar, or something else big, but I chose to take my fantastic intelligence and use it to bring down the corrupt government.”  
  
“Fight the power, stick it to the man!” Wendy laughed.  
  
“Yeah, well, they deserved it.” Bill glanced to the side. “Anyways, looks like we're coming up on a room. That's good, we can sit and rest. Hopefully there's notes on this shapeshifter so we can figure out its weakness.” He approached a door and pushed it open.  
  
Inside, they found the room they'd seen on the screen earlier which had three or four of those cryo tubes, one of them broken from the inside. Bill walked over to inspect the glass and frowned. “Looks like the creature broke out not too long before we saw him.” He said, setting Dipper down on the floor.  
  
“How can you tell?” Dipper asked.  
  
“The glass still has condensation on it, which means it was wet recently. You see, how cryo works is you get encased in ice, which slows down your heart-rate and puts you into a deep sleep. I don't think it's actually safe for humans, but the shapeshifter was apparently just fine.” Bill looked at the gaping hole.  
  
“Well, what happens to humans?” Candy asked, walking over to examine the broken pod.  
  
“If left in there too long, they may die of hypothermia.” Bill said grimly. “Especially with ones so primitive as this. I don't know if The Author planned on the shapeshifter surviving it, but he did. And now he's mad.”  
  
“I think he's lonely.” Dipper commented. “I mean, he went to sleep for 30 years, and he comes out and no one's here. Hasn't been here for a while. Maybe he just needs a friend.”  
  
“Pine Tree, he was put in this thing for a reason. He's dangerous.” Bill shook his head.  
  
“I think The Author just didn't like it trying to protect itself from his experiments.” Dipper said matter-of-factly. “I mean, who knows what he did to this guy? He hatched him, but has the shapeshifter ever seen the sky? And where did he get the egg?”  
  
“Where, indeed?” Bill shrugged.  
  
Wendy secured the door shut and walked over to sit down in one of the chairs, poking at the papers on the desk .”Well, here's some notes. Read away, the rest of us are going to get some rest.”  
  
“Good idea.” Bill got up and walked over to swipe the notes off the desk, reading it as he paced around the room.  
  
“You should take the other chair.” Dipper said to Pacifica.  
  
“Are you sure?” Pacifica asked. “It's big enough, maybe we can share.”  
  
“Pacifica Northwest, talking about sharing?” Candy said with awe. “Mabel's really done a number on you!”  
  
Pacifica blushed. “Well...I agreed to spend the day with you, didn't I?”  
  
“That's true. You really have changed.” Grenda nodded.  
  
“For the better.” Candy assured her.  
  
Pacifica tugged at her overalls awkwardly. “Well...you're...not as bad as I thought you were. Once I got to know you. I mean, first there was the Summerween thing...and all the other things...and we helped Sev'ral Timez together...and you offered to spend the day with me when I looked upset, so...thank you.” He looked at them. “M-My parents can't know, though. They might forbid me from seeing you all again! They might keep me inside without someone to accompany me at all times!”  
  
“Our lips are sealed.” Wendy promised her, pretending to zip her lips shut and throw away the zipper.  
  
“Yeah, don't worry. If they ask, we'll say Gideon put you up to it.” Candy grinned.  
  
“Yeah, that's a better idea than saying Mabel did.” Pacifica said, messing with her hair now.  
  
“No. Known. Weaknesses?! Then again, he also had no idea how to deal with a gnome! Ugh, why did I ever think this guy was SMART?!” Bill threw the notes aside. “Nothing to help us fight that thing! We're on our own!”  
  
“Was there a map?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Nope.” Bill turned to them. “If there was, it was back in that first room. We're fucked.”  
  
“Mabel is gonna wash your mouth out with soap when she gets home.” Dipper said, wagging his finger at him scoldingly.  
  
“You know what? Right now, I don't give a shit. Okay? I'm upset. We're stuck underground with some monster on the loose that can change himself to look like Any of us! And we have to leave this room sometime.” Bill was pacing back and forth from the door to the far wall. “Looks like we gotta prepare to fight. How many of us can fight?”  
  
Wendy, Grenda, and Bill all raised their hands. Candy pulled out her tazer and Pacifica looked at her hands sheepishly while Dipper looked at the pods. Bill sighed and lowered his hands. “Great. Well, who's up for a fighting lesson? Hand-to-hand?”  
  
“My parents would be upset if I came home with signs of fighting.” Pacifica said nervously.  
  
“Okay, fine. We'll make-do with what we have. Okay, so we three will fight, you three will watch our backs and warn us if he's coming up all sneaky behind us. Any of you good at walking backwards?” Bill asked.  
  
Candy raised her hand. Bill nodded. “Good, you'll keep watch behind us.”  
  
“So, is the eye on your coat not a working eye?” Wendy asked.  
  
“Uh, no. It's just a cool design. I gotta have my aesthetic, y'know?” Bill shrugged. “But it is indestructible, so if trouble happens you non-fighters can hide under it. I'll take it off and hand it over before going to fight.”  
  
"Maybe we won't need to fight at all!” Dipper said optimistically.  
  
Bill looked doubtful but said, “Yeah, maybe. That would be the best-case scenario. Either way, we have to get going. If we're stuck here much longer, they might come back from their date and get worried.”  
  
“We told them we'd be coming here.” Dipper shrugged.  
  
“Yes, but we didn't say we'd be spending all day here..” He headed for the door. “You remember what we talked about before?”  
  
They all nodded solemnly and got up from their seats.  
  
“Let's go.” Bill opened the door and ushered them out.  
  
–  
  
“Are we still lost?” Dipper asked after a while of more walking.  
  
“Yes, Pine Tree.” Bill sighed.  
  
"Maybe we can ask someone for directions!” Dipper said cheerfully.  
  
“Oh, suuuure, let's just ask the thing that's trying to kill us how to get out!” Bill threw his hands up.  
  
“It was just a suggestion.” Dipper frowned, then pulled out the 3rd Journal. “Maybe if we let him see something that's not so dangerous, he'll let us go?”  
  
“You think that will work?” Wendy asked.  
  
“Sure!” Dipper nodded. “He just wants to get another form, right? So, why not let him?”  
  
“Pine Tree...” Bill sighed. “Alright, fine. We'll try your plan.”  
  
“Yay!” Dipper stepped away from the group. “Mister F? Hello? Are you here?”  
  
They heard a skittering sound and then footsteps approaching them before F came into view. “Yes, child?”  
  
“If we let you see the book, but don't take it, will you show us the way out?” Dipper opened the Journal.  
  
“Of course, of course!” The shapeshifter greedily reached for it, then paused. “Wait, I would like to take notes. Can we go to my room for this?”  
  
“Of course!” Dipper skipped off after him.  
  
“Pine Tree, don't go alone!” Bill went after them. “You girls stay there, and look out for anything else!”  
  
–  
  
“How much further?” Dipper asked as they turned yet another corner.  
  
“Oh, we'll be there soon.” F assured him. “May I see the book?”  
  
“Once we get there.” Dipper promised.  
  
“You're such a sweet child, nothing like how _he_ was. But, you sort of resemble a picture I saw on his desk one time. Perhaps you're related?” F said thoughtfully.  
  
“I dunno. I've never met The Author, and he sounds like a big ol' meanie-face!” Dipper pouted. “I mean, he locked Bill in a closet, he put you in that pod-thingie, and who knows what else he did!”  
  
They reached a door and the shapeshifter opened it. “Here we are.”  
  
Dipper looked in. “Oh, it's the pod room!”  
  
“Come in, come in.” The shapeshifter stepped inside. Dipper followed him, looking over his shoulder as he did, and F closed the door behind him. “Now, let me see that book.”  
  
“I should probably wait for Bill...” Dipper set the Journal on a chair and went to the door.  
  
The shapeshifter walked up behind him. “Oh, we don't need to wait for him.”  
  
Dipper gasped as he felt a hand roughly grip his shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CLIFFHANGER!  
> Bill, hurry to save your Pine Tree!
> 
> (Physical form is too physical, he can't go through walls!)


	72. Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dipper's trust has gotten him in a bit of a pickle! Can Bill save him before he turns into a Dippersicle?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

'Bill, HELP!'  
  
“Pine Tree!” Bill cried out, turning and darting around the corner. 'Pine Tree, where are you?!'  
  
'I'm in the pod room! Hurry, he's gonna--'  
  
“Pine Tree?” Bill breathed, then ran around another corer until he saw the door up ahead. “I'm coming Pine Tree!”  
  
The door opened and he saw Dipper stepping out of the room, the Journal in his arms. “Hi, Bill! I'm done with Mister F!”  
  
Bill narrowed his eyes. “You're not Pine Tree.”  
  
“What do you mean?” Dipper asked. “I'm me!”  
  
“Prove it. Do the lamby-lamby dance.” Bill said firmly.  
  
“The...huh?” Dipper stared blankly. Bill reacted by slamming a leg into the boy, knocking him to the ground. He let out a cry of pain and then chittered and clicked at him, reaching for the Journal.  
  
“I don't think so!” Bill slammed another kick into his side. “Where's Pine Tree?!”  
  
“Hgh! A-Alright, I give! He's in the pod room! But you better hurry.” He chuckled a bit darkly. “Humans don't do very well with the cold.”  
  
Bill swiped the Journal and burst into the room. “Pine Tree!”  
  
In one of the intact pods, Dipper was weakly lying against the glass, the cryo chamber filling up with ice. Bill ran over and smashed another hole before pulling him out. “Pine Tree! Pine Tree, wake up!”  
  
Dipper stirred, but he was shivering and his lips were slightly blue. “B-Bill...?”  
  
“I'm here, Pine Tree.” Bill pulled off his coat and wrapped it around Dipper, then placed his hands on the coat, setting it on fire. “I'm gonna warm you up, don't worry!”  
  
“Bill!” Wendy came running into the room.  
  
“Tell me something only Wendy would know!” Bill snapped.  
  
“Whoa, uh, you used my name. Uh, Sev'ral Timez are clones and Robbie is a jerk?” She shrugged.  
  
“...Good enough. Where's F?” Bill asked.  
  
“He was on the floor out there, holding his stomach. Looks like you hit him pretty hard.” Wendy looked over at the door. “What happened?”  
  
“He tricked Pine Tree into coming in here alone with him and put hi in one of the pods.” Bill stopped the fire and checked on him. “Okay, good. You're gonna be okay, kiddo.” He unwrapped the coat from around him and put it back on. “Can you walk?”  
  
“Mmhm.” Dipper slowly got up, sniffling a bit. “I'm gonna go talk to F.”  
  
“Not alone.” Bill said firmly, following him out.  
  
F was sulking in a corner back in the form they originally saw him in when they stepped out, and he glanced up at them as they approached. “What, here to gloat?”  
  
“Why did you do it?” Dipper asked.  
  
“It was the only way I could get out of this place, by pretending to be one of you.” He looked down. “No way your Bill would allow me to go out with you.”  
  
“Damn straight.” Bill said firmly.  
  
“Bill.” Dipper looked at him, then walked over to F. “If you promise not to do it again, you can come with us.”  
  
“WHAT?!” Everyone else cried.  
  
“Well, he just wants to get out!” Dipper looked at Bill, then at F. “If you promise to be good and not hurt anyone, you can stay with us!”  
  
“Where are we going to put him? The basement is closed, and Tyrone's already taking up the copy room.” Bill frowned.  
  
“We have other rooms! He can sleep in my bed, even!” Dipper held put a hand to F. “What do you say?”  
  
“He doesn't eat human flesh, does he?” Wendy asked.  
  
The shapeshifter shook his head. “I've been eating...beans.”  
  
“Ew, you need more food.” Dipper nodded firmly. “So, are you coming?”  
  
“I'm pretty sure Stan will be opposed to this, but...” Bill sighed. “We may as well talk to Gideon about finding him a place. Maybe Tad can take him in.”  
  
“Yeah! If you don't stay with us, maybe you can stay with Gideon or Mister Strange!” Dipper beamed. “Come on!”  
  
The shapeshifter nodded and took his hand. “I know the way to the exit, but I couldn't get past the security system.”  
  
“We already took care of that.” Bill shrugged.  
  
“It resets after you leave the security room.” The shapeshifter informed him.  
  
“WHAT?! I gotta do that AGAIN?! Agh, Sixer, you SUCK!” Bill slapped his hands to his face. “Alright, let's get out of here, already!”  
  
“Good idea. This place is giving me the creeps.” Pacifica said, rubbing at her arms.  
  
The shapeshifter smiled. “Follow me!”  
  
–  
  
“Do you know any other form?” Bill asked as they climbed up out of the bunker. “I mean, that's kind of bizarre for me to look at.”  
  
“I only saw two people for my entire life before they put me in that pod and one of them always covered his face. And my true form might...terrify you.” F said self-consciously. “I mean, the REAL F thought it was terrifying...”  
  
“Well, fine. But if you can make yourself look like something that's not a real person, that would be great.” Bill helped Dipper out of the hole and then stepped out of the way for everyone else to climb out.  
  
“That was fun! But, next time let's take a trip to the bott—ah-ah-aachoo!” Dipper sneezed, a high-pitch sound that sounded like a kitten sneezing.  
  
“Aww.” Candy and Grenda cooed.  
  
“Are you okay?” Pacifica asked.  
  
“I don' feel so good.” Dipper rubbed at his nose and sniffled.  
  
“Let's get you home and into some nice, warm pajamas and get you some cocoa.” Bill picked him up then glared at F. “If he's sick because of you, I'm gonna be so pissed off.”  
  
F cringed and looked away sheepishly. “Sorry...”  
  
“You better be. Come on, girls!” Bill walked off to the Mystery Shack.  
  
Wendy climbed up and hit the switch to close the bunker again before jumping down and joining the group.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mabel's not gonna like this...


	73. Fever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the adventure in the bunker, Dipper's not feeling well. Stan and Mabel return to find there's a new addition to the household!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“101.” Bill frowned, looking at the thermometer he just took out of Dipper's mouth. “Oh, man, Shooting Star's not gonna be happy when she gets back.”  
  
Dipper coughed and rubbed at his nose. “Am I going to need medicine and soup?”  
  
“Yeah, though I'm actually not sure what medicines you have here on this world. Let me check the cabinet.” Bill got up to dispose of the cover and put the thermometer back.  
  
“Hey, where's F?” Dipper asked.  
  
“I handed him a picture book of small animals, figured it would be less dangerous than him getting ahold of the Journal.” Bill put the thermometer back in its box and then opened the medicine cabinet. “Uh...I don't see much kid medicine here. I'm gonna have to ask Red to run to the store, come on.” He scooped Dipper into his arms and carried him out of the room. “Red! Can you do something for me?”  
  
“Sure, what is it?” Wendy looked up as they entered the living room.  
  
“There's no kid fever medicine, I need you to get some.” He set Dipper down and pulled out his wallet, picking out a few bills before deciding to just pull out a 20. “Here, this should cover it.”  
  
Wendy took the money and stood up. “Anything else you need?”  
  
“I think we have soup.” Bill shook his head. “Not that I can think of, but if you think of anything go ahead and pick it up. I'm taking Pine Tree to bed.”  
  
“Do you mind if I stay here until Gideon gets back?” Pacifica asked.  
  
“That's fine.” Bill picked Dipper up again and took him to the stairs before changing his mind and taking him to his own room. “I can't get sick, but Shooting Star can. Better not risk it.” He said to himself as he opened the door.  
  
“Bill, are you mad?” Dipper asked, looking up at him.  
  
“No, I'm not mad...not at you, in any case.” Bill took of Dipper's shoes and pulled back to the blanket.  
  
“Wait, I need to change into my PJs.” Dipper said, tugging on his sleeve.  
  
“Oh, right. Your PJs.” Bill nodded and carried him out of the room again, Dipper sneezing and coughing the whole way up. “Maybe a warm bath too. Hold on, let me make a double to keep the others company.” He created a double and then headed for the stairs while his double went to the living room.  
  
–  
  
“We're home!” Mabel said as she opened the door.  
  
“Hey, welcome back!” Wendy greeted, looking out from the living room.  
  
“Wendy? You're still here? It's dark out!” Stan frowned.  
  
“Well, I figured Bill would need the extra help, especially since Pacifica wanted to stay until Gideon got back.” Wendy shrugged. “We're playing a board game with Tyrone right now.”  
  
“Where's Dipper?” Mabel asked.  
  
“He's resting in Bill's room, Bill's with him, he's got a double with us.” She went back into the living room.  
  
“I'm going to check on him.” Mabel said, turning to Gideon. “Why don't you go see if Pacifica is okay?”  
  
“I'll see you soon.” Gideon nodded, then looked at Stan. “Come on, let's see who else is in there.”  
  
Mabel headed for Bill's room, almost tripping over the cat as she walked. Wait, cat? “Bill? When did we get a cat?”  
  
“Uh, today! Sort of!” Bill opened the door. “I'll explain later, for now let's not be too loud. Pine Tree's not feeling so good.”  
  
“What happened?” Mabel walked into the room.  
  
“That was an incident down in the bunker and--”  
  
“I told you to keep him safe!” Mabel turned to Bill, glaring.  
  
“I made sure he was out of it before any real harm came to him! All he's got is a fever!” Bill raised his hands in surrender. “But he insisted on trusting the shapeshifter, and bringing it home, so we did! And that's the cat.”  
  
Mabel looked over at the cat. “A shapeshifting...cat?”  
  
“Uh, no, he's actually more like some slimy caterpillar in his true form.” Bill shook his head. “He took on the cat form after we gave him a picture book.”  
  
“Ooookay.” Mabel looked back at Dipper and went to his side. “We might as well go get one of those beavers.”  
  
“Stan would never allow it.” Bill shook his head.  
  
“Mabel...?” Dipper murmured.  
  
“Whoops.” Mabel stuck out her tongue. “Sorry, did I wake you?”  
  
“Mabel, don't be too mad at Shifty...he didn't know. He was just lonely, and needed someone to love him.” Dipper said sadly.  
  
“Shifty?” Mabel looked at Bill.  
  
“That would be the shapeshifter. Pine Tree decided that if we kept calling him 'F' it would get confusing.” Bill shrugged.  
  
“Why did you call him 'F'?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Because F was the only other form he knew, so he used that to greet us. Poor guy was trapped in that bunker for years, stuck in a defective cryo tube. He'd just escaped when we went in.” Bill explained. “The Author and F had found Shifty as an egg and hatched him, then experimented on him.”  
  
“Oh, that's terrible!” Mabel gasped. “The poor baby!”  
  
“Yeah.” Bill sighed. “F, of course, mostly cared for him and kept him alive. The Author hid his face every time he experimented on him and studied him, or so he says.” Bill shrugged.  
  
“Wait, The Author did what?” Stan asked, stepping into the room. “He experimented on a living thing?!”  
  
“He experimented on gnomes.” Gideon commented, coming in behind him. “Mabel, Pacifica has to go home now, so I'm going to take her home on my horse. I'll see you tomorrow.”  
  
“Mmhm.” Mabel got up and went to him. “I'll walk you out.”  
  
“Are you sure? Dipper doesn't look so good.” Gideon said, looking at him.  
  
“Bill and Stan have him.” Mabel assured him, walking him away from the room.  
  
Stan walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. “How you doing, kiddo?”  
  
“I got put in a cryo tube. It was cold, and scary. I thought I was gonna die! But then Bill saved me, and beat Shifty up. But Shifty didn't understand that it would kill me! He didn't know humans couldn't survive it!” Dipper sat up a bit. “Where is Shifty?”  
  
“He's out in the hall, in cat form. Want me to bring him in?” Bill asked.  
  
“Yes, please.” Dipper nodded, then coughed harshly.  
  
“You should lay back down.” Stan said, coaxing him down. “Bill, go get the cat so he'll stay down.”  
  
Bill walked out and came back in with the shapeshifter, setting him on the bed. Dipper smiled and pet Shifty, making purring sounds he did.  
  
“What's he eat? Will fish do?” Stan asked.  
  
“Fish will do fine.” Bill assured him, watching Dipper and the shapeshifter interact.   
  
–  
  
“Stan.” Tyrone approached Stan in the living room, after everyone else had gone to bed. “We have to come clean about what we did. Sooner or later, Bill or Gideon will read our minds and find out.”  
  
“Gideon's not going to read my mind unless it's urgent, and Bill has completely bought the leak lie.” Stan stood up. “Come on, let's go check on it. If you're that worried, we can turn it off until a day when everyone will be out of the house.” He rubbed Tyrone's head and headed for the giftshop.  
  
“That would be a good idea. Besides, what if something comes through that's _not_ him?” Tyrone asked.  
  
“Then it's a good thing we've got Bill to handle it.” Stan said, typing in the code to open the vending machine and reveal the basement.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like the leak isn't going to be a problem for a little while!


	74. Golf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pacifica comes with an invitation to Mabel from her parents. A challenge, to prove her worth!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

Pacifica shifted her weight from one foot to the other, her small hands tight around an envelope. Her driver gave her a pitying look and knocked on the wooden door in front of them.  
  
“Yes, coming!” A voice said, and then Mabel opened the door and look out at them. “Oh, Pacifica! What a surprise!”  
  
“My parents...wanted me to give this to you.” Pacifica held out the envelope.  
  
“What is it?” Mabel asked, taking the envelope. “And why not just mail it?”  
  
“My parents wanted me to hand-deliver it, as penance for running off a couple days ago. Uhm, how's Dipper doing?” Pacifica asked.  
  
“He's doing okay, resting right now. We've been giving him plenty of medicine and fluids.” Mabel opened the envelope. “It's a...challenge?”  
  
“My parents require only the best in their family – they can't help Bud, he snuck his way in. So, if you're going to be part of the family someday by marrying Gideon, they want you to prove your worth by going against me in a mini-golf competition.” Pacifica said, looking to the side a bit.  
  
Mabel frowned. “Golf, huh...”  
  
“You don't play?” Pacifica asked.  
  
“Oh, I play! I've won trophies at mini-golf competitions!” Mabel grinned at her, then looked at the envelope. “I'm just so mad at your family for insisting I have to 'prove my worth'! Like they can actually break us up? Gideon wouldn't let them.”  
  
“Well, it would cause less contention if you did, but...I understand if you don't want to.” Pacifica turned to go.  
  
“Hey, who said I wasn't going to? I'm gonna do it and win! And you don't have to easy on me, either.” Mabel walked over and extended her hand, Pacifica turning back to face her. “May the best golfer win!”  
  
“See you this weekend.” Pacifica smiled and shook her hand. “Tell everyone I said hi.” She turned to go back to the car again.  
  
“See you then!” Mabel waved and then went back in to tell everyone the news.  
  
–  
  
“This is really tame compared to the mini-golf parks I've seen.” Bill commented as they stepped into the park.  
  
“What are those like?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Well...a lot more dangerous, for one thing. Like a mini-golf Globnar.” Bill chuckled.  
  
“What's a Globnar?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Uh, nevermind. It's not important.” Bill waved it off. “Just multiverse stuff.”  
  
“Come on, tell me.” Mabel tugged on his sleeve.  
  
“Oookay. It's, uh, a gladiator thing. Like they did in Roma. 'Cept all the gladiators are criminals.” Bill chuckled a bit. “My time in Globnar was interesting.”  
  
“I never had to do any Globnar.” Stan commented, looking around for the Northwests. “Hardly anyone here.”  
  
“My parents have reserved the park for us.” Pacifica said, approaching with her parents and golfing coach. “Are you ready, Mabel?”  
  
Mabel nodded firmly, taking her golf bag off her back. “I'm ready.”  
  
“Good luck, Mabel!” Dipper cheered, watching her walk off with the Northwests.  
  
“Come on, let's go watch over here.” Stan said, leading the other two to a viewpoint.  
  
“Do you think she'll win?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Do you think it'll matter?” Bill leaned on the railing. “Gideon would be pissed if he knew about this. Where is he, anyway?”  
  
“He's doing something with his dad today.” Stan shrugged. “I did ask if he wanted to go golfing with us.”  
  
“You didn't tell him what's going on, did you?” Bill asked.  
  
“Nah, just asked if he wanted to go golfing. He said he had plans with his dad.” Stan shrugged again and focused on where Mabel and Pacifica were getting ready.  
  
“You can do it, Mabel!” Dipper called.  
  
“Show those Northwests who's the best!” Stan called, pumping his fist into the air.  
  
“You can do it, Mabel!” Bill gave a thumbs-up. He considered checking on Gideon, after what happened last time he and his did disappeared for hours, but surely Gideon had learned his lesson?  
  
–  
  
“Here's a good spot.” Bud parked at the side of the road and went in back to where Gideon was waiting. The two government agents were fast asleep on the floor. “You think we're far enough away?”  
  
“You want to just take them to Portland?” Gideon asked.  
  
“Yeah, might be a good idea.” Bud nodded, closing the door and getting into the driver's seat again.  
  
“What happened to their car?” Gideon asked.  
  
“Stripped for parts, the radio and stuff were pawned off.” Bud said as he drove.  
  
“Good. We're not letting anything happen to our town.” Gideon glared at the agents. “Why did the government show interest _now_? Something must've drawn them here.”  
  
“Like what?” Bud asked.  
  
“Like...I don't know. Something. I'll have to do some investigating, so if there's anything strange going on. Best not to involve the others, though. They might not have even noticed.” Gideon paused. “Maybe I can ask Bill if he's noticed anything.”  
  
“Good idea.” Bud glanced at him. “What if they come back?”  
  
“Then we'll keep doing this until they stop sending people.” Gideon said firmly, then pulled out his phone. There was a picture of Mabel doing a selfie with Pacifica hitting a golf ball in the background next to her parents. “Aww, they're golfing together. Nice to see 'em bonding as a family.”  
  
The text underneath said “If I win, can we get milkshakes?”  
  
He chuckled and responded with “Darlin', we'll get milkshakes whether you win or lose. I'll see you when I get back into town, we're going to Portland.”  
  
There was a long puse before Mabel sent back “Tell Sev'Ral Timez I miss them, and good luck on their recovery!”  
  
“I will.” Gideon typed, then sent it before putting his phone back into his pocket. “Looks like we're dropping by the rehab center.”  
  
–  
  
“Okay, so so far it looks like Mabel is winning.” Stan said, holding binoculars up to his eyes. “I'm not sure if the Northwests are angry or impressed.”  
  
“Probably both, if what I've heard about them from her is any indication.” Bill shrugged.  
  
“Hey, who are you?” Dipper knelt down to look at a tiny figure. It looked like a golf ball with a face.  
  
“Hi there!” The little golf-ball man waved. “What are you doing all the way up here? You're not playing?”  
  
“We're watching.” Bill raised an eyebrow. “What the hell are you?”  
  
“I'm a Lilli-putt-ian!” The little golf ball man said with a big grin. “We were wondering why it was so quiet, and then we saw you up here and not playing! Why aren't you playing?”  
  
“Because they're having a one-on-one tournament.” Stan explained.  
  
“And Pine Tree's not feeling well, so we're staying away from the Northwest parents.” Bill explained.  
  
“Well, since you're here, which one do you think is the best?” The Lilli-putt-ian asked.  
  
“Who, me?” Bil asked. When the golf-man nodded he scoffed. “None of these. I've been to way better.”  
  
“But, if you HAD to choose one...” The Lilli-putt-ian pressed.  
  
“Do I have to?” Bill asked.  
  
“I think they're all nifty!” Dipper grinned.  
  
“They're all pretty well-made, I guess. So...what are you, anyway?” Stan asked.  
  
“Like I said, I'm a Lilli-putt-ian! We control the balls in these courses and ensure they all get through and don't get stuck!” The little man said cheerfully. “We've got a song and dance, wanna hear it?”  
  
“Ohh!” Dipper clapped his hands.  
  
“Pass.” Bill and Stan said.  
  
“We're trying to watch.” Bill pointed to the girls playing golf.  
  
“Oh. Oh, I'm distracting you! I'll just...I'll just go back down. But, please let us know if you do find one you prefer, sir!” The Lilli-putt-ian started to head off.  
  
“That was weird.” Bill watched him go.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bill doesn't want to deal with the annoying golf-ball man.


	75. Satisfactory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tension is high as Mabel works to impress the Northwests.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

Mabel checked her phone for a message from Gideon and then put the phone back in her pocket before picking up her club again. “Almost done, Pacifica?”  
  
“It takes patience, silly girl.” Pacifica said teasingly as he hit the ball and send it rolling into the hole. “How about that?”  
  
“It took five hits to get there.” Mabel grinned, walking over to the pin and setting down her ball. “Let's see how many times it takes me.”  
  
Pacifica stepped out of the way and leaned her golf club on her shoulder, watching as Mabel lined up her club with the ball. “Hurry up, slowpoke!” She called, laughing a bit.  
  
“It takes patience, silly girl!” Mabel called back good-naturedly, and then she shifted her club's angle a bit and hit the ball, sending it towards the wall, where it bounced off and hit another wall and bounced off again, stopping just short of the hole.  
  
“Oh, really?” Mabel walked over and knocked it into the hole. “Well, that's two hits! Next hole! How many are we on now?”  
  
“I think we're at the 10th hole.” Pacifica looked around. “That means there's 8 left.”  
  
“We'll be done soon, and then Dipper can lie back down.” Mabel nodded.  
  
“Is he okay?” Pacifica looked over at the trio watching.  
  
“He insisted on coming, but I had to make him promise to go right to bed when we got home after.” Mabel nodded. “He'll be okay.”  
  
Pacifica nodded. “That's good. I mean, he _is_ practically family, so it's only natural I should be concerned.” Pacifica looked to the side. “Let's move to hole 11.”  
  
Mabel grabbed her bag and she and Pacifica retrieved their balls before they moved on to the next hole.  
  
“How do you think your parents feel about me?” Mabel asked as they walked together.  
  
“Well, I haven't seen any condescending whispering yet.” Pacifica said optimistically. “I like you, Mabel, so you don't have to worry about impressing me. I mean, I thought you were the weirdest at first, but you're actually pretty fun to be around.”  
  
“Yeah, lots of people think that way at first. Gideon was the first guy to not be scared off.” Mabel sighed.  
  
“Well, I think it's a good thing that he met you. He's really mellowed out, and he practices in his room less often. He spends more time with you than he does with his spellbooks.” Pacifica smiled.  
  
“I'm proud to say I rescued him from being a nerdy hermit, then!” Mabel laughed.  
  
“It's more than that. I haven't seen him so genuinely happy since before he had his coma a couple years ago.” Pacifica looked towards the hole they were heading for. “Thank you for coming here.”  
  
Mabel smiled. “I'm glad I came, too. I've made so many friends here. You, Grenda, Candy, Wendy, Gideon, and Bill. Not to mention Gruntie Susan.”  
  
“Grauntie?” Pacifica questioned curiously.  
  
“Dipper decided to call her that, since she's dating Grunkle Stan.” Mabel grinned. “One of my finest works as a matchmaker!”  
  
“Wow. Uh, that's cute.” Pacifica stopped at the pin and set down her ball. “Alright, I'm going first.”  
  
“I know.” Mabel stood back with Pacifica's parents. “So, uh...how am I doing?”  
  
“Well, we aren't ashamed of your presence.” Preston said curtly. “I suppose you'll do. Might even bring back some of the grace that the Gleeful man took from us.”  
  
“You mean Gideon's dad?” Mabel asked.  
  
“I mean Gideon's mother. She's never been quite the same since he took her.” Preston's lip curled into a scowl. “Gideon is a treasure, a pearl worthy of our family oyster, but his father is a blight on the family tree.”  
  
“Okay, then. Uh, I'm glad that I'm good enough, to you, to be with the 'pearl of your family oyster'.” Mabel turned to look back at Pacifica.  
  
“Yes, he is certainly special.” Preston glanced at the trio. “Who is the man in yellow up there?”  
  
“That's Bill Cipher.” Mabel said, walking over to take her place at the pin when Pacifica finished.  
  
“Bill...Cipher?” Preston breathed, looking over. “He's not anything like I imagined.”  
  
“That's an illusion, his real appearance is different. Why?” Mabel looked over.  
  
“Oh, I just have heard of him before. I was quite awed by what I heard.” Preston waved her on. “Come, now, let's finish this game. We still have seven more holes to go!”  
  
Priscilla reached into her purse and pulled out her vibrating phone. “Yes? Oh, hello! Yes, it's been a while!” She walked away to continue her phone call.  
  
Preston looked over at Bill again, looking thoughtful. 'Was the prophecy incorrect?' He thought.  
  
–  
  
“Alright, I won!” Mabel cheered.  
  
“Congratulations. You are now privy to all of our stuffy gatherings.” Pacifica said in a lighthearted way.  
  
“You won't get in trouble for losing, will you?” Mabel asked.  
  
“If this wasn't a test to prove yourself worthy of the family line, then I would be.” Pacifica said quietly. “Not that there is much of a family line to be proud of...”  
  
“Aw, Pacifica.” Mabel placed her hand on her friend's shoulder. “Who cares how it started? What matters is how it's continued.”  
  
“All done?” Bill asked, walking over with Stan and Dipper.  
  
“Yep. I am officially allowed to be part of the family.” Mabel turned to them. “Let's go home, Dipper looks like he's gonna pass out.”  
  
“We will call you to invite you to the next family outing.” Priscilla told her. “Come along, Pacifica.”  
  
“See you later, Mabel.” Pacifica waved as she walked out with her parents.  
  
“Yeah, let's go.” Bill nodded and turned to go.  
  
“Waaaait!”  
  
Bill groaned and looked down. “You again?”  
  
“Oh my gosh, it's so cute, what is it?” Mabel asked.  
  
“It's a 'Lilli-putt-ian'. They make sure the balls don't get stuck in the different areas.” Bill explained.  
  
“You said you would decide which is the best!” The Lilli-putt-ian insisted.  
  
“No, you said for me to decide, I said that none of your areas were up to the standards I'm used to.” Bill rolled his eye.  
  
“But, we have to know, who is the best! We have been at war for a hundred years over this!” The Lilli-putt-ian insisted.  
  
“That's a waste of time.” Bill remarked.  
  
“Oh, be nice.” Mabel smacked his arm. “Hmm, I think, based on my experience today...” She looked thoughtful. “I liked the French one best, I think.”  
  
The Lilli-putt-ian gasped. “I'm from that one!”  
  
“We guessed, from the outfit.” Stan commented.  
  
“Okay, so you can go tell them that I said yours is the best one and end your war.” Mabel nodded and turned to go. “Make love, not war!”  
  
“Did you just tell a golf-ball critter to make love?” Bill asked.  
  
“That's not what I--” Mabel was cut off by Bill dramatically swinging his free arm out.  
  
“It's time for you all to go forth and multiply!” Bill declared.  
  
“Oh my god, Bill, you are so embarrassing.” Mabel looked around to see if the Northwests heard him.  
  
“Let's get out of here.” Stan laughed, leading the way.  
  
Dipper waved to the Lilli-putt-ian sleepily. “Bye-bye, little golf ball!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How could Bill resist the opportunity to embarrass her?


	76. Planning a Play

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The town of Gravity Falls has a problem in the shape of a blue-clothed wizard/spirit. Time to draw him out with drama!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls © Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“What we need is a distraction from the rumors that brought them here.”  
  
“Huh?” Mabel looked up from her knitting.  
  
Gideon sighed. “Father and I found those agents outside the city yesterday and took them to Portland with us. They seem to have forgotten about their entire experience in Gravity Falls, so I think we're safe. But, as long as tourists are talking about the monsters, real or fake, the government is going to check on it.” He explained.  
  
“Oh.” Mabel nodded. “So, what do we do?”  
  
“I'm not sure. We need something big enough to distract the tourists.” Gideon looked thoughtful. “Hm...”  
  
“Why not do something in the playhouse?” Bill suggested. “If we can draw out the spirit and exorcise him before the performance, then that's killing two birds with one stone, right?”  
  
“Spirit...you mean the guy in blue?” Mabel asked.  
  
“I thought he was a wizard?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Well, I didn't see or feel anything there, so whatever he is, he doesn't emit ANY type of energy.” Bill shrugged. “Anyways, if we can get rid of him, then we don't have to worry about him giving teenagers evil CDs or whatever else he's doing.”  
  
“We'd have to clean the place up. It hasn't been used since before I was born.” Gideon nodded. “I do like the idea, though. A glorious play is just the thing to distract the tourists.”  
  
“Who's gonna write it?” Dipper asked.  
  
“I will! It'll be...a love story!” Mabel grinned. “I have SO many ideas, oh my gosh!” She put down her knitting and got up to get a notebook.  
  
“Well, while she's writing the script, let's go round out some people and start cleaning that place up. We'll charge for tickets, bring in some more money into the town.” Bill stood up and walked over to the door.  
  
“Can I help?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Well, you'll have to come, but I think you should keep away from the dust. Your fever's pretty much gone, but dust could aggravate it.” Bill told him.  
  
Gideon stood up. “I'll go gather my staff and call father.” He walked out of the room past Bill.  
  
Mabel came downstairs. “Oh, we're gonna need costumes! And music! We have to REALLY mesmerize!”  
  
“You're really gung-ho about this!” Bill laughed. “Well, have fun with your writing!”  
  
“I will.” Mabel started scribbling away, sitting on the couch next to her forgotten knitting.  
  
–  
  
“So, let me get this straight. You want us to round up the town to clean up the old, possibly-haunted, playhouse and let you kids put on a play...just to draw out the creep that's haunting it?” Stan asked.  
  
“Yes. That is exactly what we want.” Bill nodded. “Are you in?”  
  
“Well, heck, as long as I get to punch him!” Stan grinned. “That creep gave Robbie the black magic CD, I'm in!”  
  
“Great!” Dipper smiled.  
  
–  
  
“Oh? What's going on here?” Tad wondered as he paused by the playhouse. The doors were open, there were vehicles all over, and he could see people going in with cleaning supplies and tools. He walked over and tapped Bill on the shoulder, seeing as he was apparently overseeing them. “Hello, Cipher.”  
  
“Hm? Oh, hey!” Bill turned to him. “What're you doing here, Tad?”  
  
“I was just on my daily walk and noticed the commotion. What's going on?” Tad asked.  
  
“Oh, the kids are gonna put on a play, draw in some good publicity and crowds!” Bill grinned. “Wanna help us clean the place up?”  
  
“A play? I thought the place was cursed? Something about every play going wrong, so they stopped using it?” Tad looked concerned.  
  
Bill grinned. “Don't worry, if any spook shows up I'll whack 'em!”  
  
“Well, you do seem confident. I suppose I can help, but let me change into something more suitable.” He turned and walked away.  
  
“Alright, see you soon!” Bill waved to him.  
  
“See you soon!” Dipper said, poking his head out from under Bill's coat.  
  
A short while later, Tad returned dressed in an unusual outfit of a long-sleeved t-shirt and jeans with work boots and gloves. “How can I help?” He asked.  
  
“Wow, you're tie-less!” Dipper said in wonder.  
  
“The tie would have gotten in the way.” Tad said with a smile. “Show me where I can help.”  
  
Dipper skipped off and Tad and Bill followed him. “Thanks for your help. Shooting Star's been busy writing, and she recruited Gideon and the girls with helping her with the costumes so we've had to go outside our usual circle.”  
  
“Well, Mr. McGucket seems to be enjoying himself.” Tad said, waving to the two McGuckets working on a damaged part of the wall. “I'm jut concerned that all this effort will lead to nothing but heartbreak when trouble strikes.”  
  
“Don't worry, I'll make sure nothing happens.” Bill assured him. “You mind painting?”  
  
“Painting is fine.” Tad walked over and picked up a paintbrush from the pile, going to join the others. He glanced at the rafters, where glowing blue eyes were glaring at the crowd before they disappeared from sight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Creepy blue-eyed spirit alert!


	77. Rehearsal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What has Mabel come up with? It's time to practice, practice, practice!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“You don't think it's too...sappy?” Mabel asked after presenting the script to the other kids that were at the Shack with her.  
  
“Well, it's...sweet.” Candy commented.  
  
“I like it!” Grenda nodded.  
  
“It's a good thing you just got my parents' approval, or they would be so upset at this part here. Even if it's just a play.” Pacifica tapped the paper.  
  
“As if we need THEIR approval.” Gideon growled a bit, then smiled. “It's lovely, darlin'. A true work of art.”  
  
“You don't mind that scene?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Well...we can call it practice for the future.” Gideon shrugged. “We don't really have to kiss there, if you aren't comfortable with it.”  
  
“We'll hash out that details later.” Mabel said, waving her hand in a flustered way. “Though, if that guy DOES show up, we'll have to improv him into it.”  
  
“Bill said he'll take care of it.” Gideon reminded her.  
  
“Yes, but we have to act like it's all part of the show.” Mabel nodded. “We can't let on to the tourists that there's a psychotic Phantom of the Opera in the playhouse!”  
  
Candy nodded. “That wouldn't end well.”  
  
“Well, we better start rehearsal, then.” Pacifica nodded. “I can have my personal tailor make the costumes.”  
  
“That's probably a better idea than what I was thinking.” Mabel admitted. “Okay, go call them. I'm gonna go feed the lizards and Shifty and then we can get started on practicing!”  
  
“We can use the Tent of Telepathy for practice.” Gideon offered.  
  
“Thanks!” Mabel smiled.  
  
–  
  
“Well, the place is coming along great!” Stan said, looking around from the repaired stage. “Yeah, I think we're almost done! Let's go make some flyers and drive to put them up around the other towns!”  
  
“You have fun with that. I can't leave, remember?” Bill reminded him.  
  
“Oh yeah. Well, you and Dipper can go check on the others, I guess.” Stan shrugged.  
  
“Yeah, I guess we can do that. C'mon, Pine Tree.” Bill knelt down to pick him up and carried him off the stage.  
  
“Where are you two off to?” Tad asked pleasantly.  
  
“We're gonna go check on the rehearsal. Besides, Pine Tree might need to practice his.” Bill said, turning to him. “What about you?”  
  
“I think I'll stay a bit longer, make sure there's nothing we missed.” Tad said, watching everyone else file out to their cars.  
  
“Good idea. Thanks, Tad.” Bill walked out with Dipper.  
  
“Have a good day.” Tad said with a cheerful wave, watching them go. Then he looked into the darkness, his eyes flashing purple for a moment before he walked back towards the stage.  
  
–  
  
“Mabel?” Dipper looked around as they entered the Shack.  
  
“Shooting Star, where are you?” Bill called.  
  
“They're in the Tent.” Tyrone said, apparently attempting to knit something. “They've been in there a little while now.”  
  
“Alright, we'll go join them.” Bill nodded. “How you doing, Tyrone? Need any company?”  
  
Tyrone patted Wax Stan next to him. “Got some, thanks.”  
  
“That's not exactly...oh, whatever.” Bill walked out with Dipper.  
  
They walked up to the Tent and peeked in. Mabel was standing on the stage. “Okay, so Pacifica, you'll walk Gideon down the 'aisle' and stop at the altar. Dipper...Dipper? Oh, right, he's with Bill. Well, he'll play the priest. Grenda, can you walk me down?”  
  
“Yep.” Grenda smiled.  
  
“Heeey, kids!” Bill waved. “How's practice?”  
  
“It's going well! Oh, good timing! Dipper, come over here. Uhm, we need a big book as a prop..” Mabel looked around.  
  
Gideon pulled out the 2nd Journal from his bag. “How about this one?”  
  
“Uhh, let's use the 3rd one, actually.” Bill walked over to them. “Less chance of accidentally summoning something or casting a spell.”  
  
“Good idea.” Mabel nodded. “Dipper, do you have it?”  
  
“It's in our bedroom.” Dipper said cheerfully.  
  
“We'll get it later.” Bill waved it off. “Anyways, what exactly are you kids planning?”  
  
“Script.” Candy passed it to him.  
  
“Bill, do you want a role?” Mabel asked.  
  
“I'm not a kid. And, besides, I'll be on creep-duty.” Bill reminded her.  
  
“Think we need more kids?” Grenda asked.  
  
“I'll make a few calls.” Gideon said, nodding and stepping to the side.  
  
“How's the playhouse?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Almost done, we'll finish up tomorrow. Stan and the others are going out of town with flyers.” Bill told her. “I couldn't go with, obviously.”  
  
Dipper smiled. “That's okay, you can help out here!”  
  
Bill grinned. “Yeah, I sure can!”  
  
“Alright, let's continue where we left off.” Mabel said, turning to Grenda. “Okay, so you need to walk me down the aisle...”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Walking down the aisle? A wedding, a wedding, they're going to have a wedding!


	78. Showtime!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time to put on a play, and hopefully all goes well!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“There's so many people...” Dipper whispered, peeking out a curtain.  
  
Bill nodded, standing off to the side just out of sight of the crowd when the curtain opened. “The last time a play was put on here, there were casualties in the cast and the audience. We're not letting that happen this time.”  
  
“Nervous?” Gideon asked Mabel softly.  
  
Mabel shook her head. “Let's put on a great show.” She said, her gaze firmly forward.  
  
“You are nervous.” Gideon chuckled and took her hand. “It's going to be okay. Haven't you performed before?”  
  
“Uhm...no, actually no. I was never chosen in the school plays...” Mabel admitted.  
  
“You'll do fine.” Gideon assured her. “You've practiced so much.”  
  
  
“I still might mess up, though.” Mabel said anxiously.  
  
“You'll do fine.” Gideon assured her.  
  
Candy stepped out past the curtains, dressed in a suit and tie, to start the show. “Once upon a time, there was a fair prince. This prince had been lonely for many years, never quite finding the perfect girl for him. And then, one day, a girl came from a land far away to explore his kingdom. This is their story.” She stepped back behind the curtains as they parted and Gideon left Mabel's side to enter the stage.  
  
Bill focused his attention on the backstage area as the play went on. Dipper stayed close to him, looking around anxiously. After a bit of dialogue between Gideon and one of his “subjects”, he went backstage and Mabel went forward to do a musical number with some other girls about searching for love.  
  
“Anything?” Gideon asked Bill quietly.  
  
“No, nothing yet. I mean, I sort of sense something watching, but it's like something is keeping me from sensing what it is.” Bill frowned. “I'll have to go check it out, I guess.”  
  
“Be careful.” Gideon said softly. “I have to go on again in a bit.”  
  
Bill nodded. “Just please the audience, I'll handle the trouble.”  
  
Gideon nodded and turned to prepare to go back on-stage. Bill nodded to Dipper and motioned for him to follow him as he headed for the stairs for the lighting crew. He saw Gideon step out and heard him talking to Mabel, their voices clear and strong, before they started to sing together.  
  
“They're really good.” Dipper whispered.  
  
Bill nodded, then paused. He could hear something...a blade?  
  
Ssshnk. Sssshnk. He moved higher and gasped when he saw a blue-haired man dressed in a blue and black biker's outfit and black eye-patch...with blue skin and glowing blue eyes. On his pointed ears was a familiar shape and Bill bit back a curse before ducking back down.  
  
“Bill?” Dipper whispered.  
  
“Pine Tree, whatever you do, stay close to me.” Bill whispered back, and then looked up at the man again. “...This is going to be tougher than I thought. That's no spirit.”  
  
“Who is it?” Dipper asked.  
  
Instead of answering him, Bill went the rest of the way up and stood across from the man that was sharpening a knife. "Kryptos. I thought it was you."  
  
"Bill Cipher." Kryptos said coolly, twirling the knife in his hands.  
  
"Stay close, Pine Tree." Bill said, moving towards the other demon. "Kryptos, this ends now!"  
  
"It's just a job, Cipher! You know how it is! Nothing personal!" He turned to him. "You know, like a certain JOB that you have to do?"  
  
"I've abandoned that. I'm not going to risk these people." Bill shook his head. "I'm not letting them in!"  
  
"Wait, hold on. You mean to tell me that you haven't done it yet, not because you haven't been _able_ to, but because you CHOSE not to?! For these HUMANS?!" Kryptos gestured to the people silently sitting in their seats, watching the play as the music played over their conversation.  
  
"Yes." Bill nodded firmly. "They matter to me, a lot."  
  
"FOR COSMOS' SAKE, CIPHER! Humans aren't ANYTHING! They're PETS! They're SLAVES! You don't BETRAY YOUR FRIENDS over them!" Kryptos roared. "All they are good for is making deals to further our own agendas and making them worship us and do our bidding! And you have been LIVING with them, as an EQUAL! What is WRONG with you?!"  
  
"I finally got my priorities straight! I spent too long looking down on those weaker than me, when the reason that I even _started_ this crusade was because--well, you know!" Bill clenched his fist.  
  
"You would rather be with these INSECTS over your FRIENDS?!" Kryptos demanded.  
  
"Bill..." Dipper looked up at him worriedly.  
  
Bill scowled and lunged forward, slamming a fist into Kryptos' face. "ANYTHING is better than YOU, but I would DIE for them, YES! And I'm not letting you hurt Shooting Star and Gideon like you're planning! Get out of here, Kryptos! Your deal is off!"  
  
Kryptos was silent, and then he wiped blood off his face. "So, this is what it comes to, eh?" He glanced at Dipper and then lunged past Bill, grabbing Dipper and taking off running in one fell swoop.  
  
"Pine Tree!" Bill turned and ran after him.  
  
Kryptos pushed open an emergency exit door and ran outside. Bill followed close behind, throwing fire at him but always missing. He couldn't hit Dipper!  
  
Kryptos suddenly froze mid-motion and Bill was hit with a wave of energy that froze him to his core and left him helpless to move. He saw Tad Strange approaching them, his form rippling and changing into a man wearing a purple and black suit and tie and bowler hat, carrying an umbrella and wearing an eyepatch over one eye.  
  
"T-Tad..." Bill breathed. “So, you really were...this whole time...?”  
  
"Stay out of this, cousin!" Kryptos snapped. "This is personal!"  
  
"What. Did. I. Say?" Tad asked coolly, his violet gaze cold as ice. "If you go outside the boundaries of your deal, I will not cover for you. Release the child, or I will be forced to punish you."  
  
"T-Tad, c'mon, this is personal!" Kryptos pleaded.  
  
Tad opened his umbrella and twirled it. A wave of energy came out and hit Kryptos, making him cry out in pain and forcing him to drop Dipper, who was unharmed by the wave.  
  
Bill found he could move again and ran over to scoop Dipper up in his arms. "Pine Tree, I'm so sorry!"  
  
"I'm okay, Bill!" Dipper assured him, clinging to him.  
  
"Go back to the play, Cipher. I've got him." Tad assured him.  
  
"Uh...sure." Bill turned to go. "Uhm...thanks."  
  
"You can thank me by coming over for tea and sandwiches." Tad said cheerfully.  
  
"Oh, sure, now that he's a goody-goody you wanna be his friend. Hgk!" Krpytos grabbed at his throat as the wave grew stronger.  
  
"Let's go." Bill carried Dipper back into the playhouse.  
  
They got back inside just in time to hear the wedding march begin. Candy came over to them. “You almost missed it. C'mon, let's get you on-stage.” She said, taking Dipper's hand. “Here's the book.” She handed him the 3rd Journal.  
  
“Good luck, kiddo.” Bill grinned, giving him a thumbs-up.  
  
Dipper gave a thumbs-up and headed around to the altar. As Gideon and Mabel reached the altar, he opened up the book to a spot where his lines had been slipped in on a separate piece of paper and dramatically cleared his throat. The music finished and he started to speak. “Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to honor the union of this girl and this prince in holy matrin—matrimony.” He said, reading off the paper. “Do you, Gideon Gleeful, take this girl to be your lawfully wedded wife?”  
  
“I do.” Gideon said, his hand gently holding Mabel's.  
  
“And do you, Mabel Pines, take this Gideon Gleeful to be your lawfully wedded husband?” Dipper asked.  
  
“I do.” Mabel smiled.  
  
“Okay! If there are any objections, speak now or forever hold your peace?” Dipper looked around dramatically. “There are no objections? You may kiss the bride!”  
  
Gideon moved to give Mabel a kiss on the cheek just close enough to her lips but not on them, but Mabel shifted her head so their lips actually met. The audience went “awwwwww” and cheered.  
  
“Yay! I now proNOUNce you man and wife!” Dipper clapped his hands and then got off the altar, closing the book.  
  
The curtains closed as the audience continued clapping and then Candy stepped out. “And they all lived happily ever after! The end!”  
  
“What happened, did you take care of the guy?” Mabel asked Bill quietly.  
  
Bill nodded. “Yeah. I had some help, I'll explain later. Your wedding dress is beautiful, by the way.”   
  
Mabel smiled and played with the veil. “Thanks, Pacifica's tailor made it.”  
  
“She wants to make your real one when you're older, too.” Pacifica told her.  
  
“Girls, curtain call.” Gideon extended her hand to Mabel.  
  
They walked out in different groups, bowing each time, and then they all went out together to bow. Bill watched as Dipper struggled to not drop the book while bowing, which made a few people give adoring giggles, and then looked towards the emergency exit door. There was a figure in the shadows with glowing violet eyes, and then they disappeared.  
  
–  
  
“This isn't actually binding, is it?” Stan asked.  
  
“No, it's just practice.” Mabel assured him.  
  
“I thought we weren't going to actually kiss?” Gideon asked, his cheeks pink.  
  
“I decided I wanted to.” Mabel blushed.  
  
“So...does that mean you guys are gonna be kissing a lot now?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Well...” Mabel looked thoughtful.  
  
“Eww, not in front of me!” Dipper made a face.  
  
“Cipher.” Tad approached them, but in his human disguise. “I trust everything went well?”  
  
“Yes, thanks to you.” Bill nodded.  
  
“Hm?” Stan looked at them curiously.  
  
“I'll explain later.” Bill glanced around. “Not out here.”  
  
“I'll call you for lunch sometime. I imagine you're all quite tired.” Tad smiled at Dipper. “I'm glad that you're feeling better now. I heard you weren't feeling well recently.”  
  
“I'm okay now.” Dipper smiled. “Thank you, Mr. Strange!”  
  
Tad nodded and turned to go, whistling a tune to himself.  
  
“Soo....what happened there?” Mabel asked.  
  
“...Tad Strange isn't human.” Bill said quietly. “He's like me.”  
  
“...Really?” Stan asked.  
  
“I'll tell you more when we get back to the Shack.” Bill shook his head.  
  
“I gotta go, my parents are waiting.” Pacifica walked up to them. “These flowers are from my dad, he said he's glad you did a good enough performance for them.” She handed Mabel a bouquet of flowers.  
  
“Wow, he's so back-handed.” Mabel said, looking at the card. “Tell him I said thank you.”  
  
“Take care, Pacifica.” Gideon said, nodding.  
  
“I'll see you later!” Pacifica waved before walking off.  
  
“So...about that 'not a human' thing?” Stan asked.  
  
“ _Later._ ” Bill insisted.  
  
“Okay, okay.” Stan held his hands up in surrender. “You did great today, kids. Both of you. But, uh, don't go kissing each other every chance you can get, okay? And don't go any further than kissing.”  
  
“Yes, Stanford.”  
“Of course, Grunkle Stan!”  
  
Bill chuckled. “You two are a nice couple of ripe tomatoes.”  
  
–  
  
“I can't believe this. I can't believe HIM!” Kryptos hissed, sitting in the raftors of the playhouse after everyone had gone. “Wait until the others hear THIS, they're gonna be sooo pissed! Ugh, if only I could just tear this place down and get it over which but, nooo, I have to wait until the city decides to tear it down themselves. Stupid deal. Stupid human. Stupid CIPHER!” He stabbed the wooden beam with his knife in frustration. “And stupid, stupid, STUPID TAD!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Tad Strange is not what he seems! And as long as he is there to keep Kryptos in line, he won't be much trouble!
> 
> ((A/N: To those of you who were hoping to see the play, I couldn't really show it because I was focused on Bill's POV and not Mabel's. I will write a one-shot about the play from her POV later and tell you guys the name so you can go find it. :) ))


	79. Companionship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Mabel finds Soos a date, Bill's off to hang out with his fellow demon-in-disguise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Dudes, that wedding brought me to tears of joy!” Soos said as they took a break for lunch. “Now I know how I'll react at a REAL wedding! Which is actually kind of important.”  
  
“How come?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Well..my brother's getting married soon, and I've been invited! Only problem is, he wants me to bring a date. I don't have a date! I don't have a girlfriend!” He pulled out the invitation from his pocket. “Oh man, I don't know what to do about this.”  
  
“Well, there's plenty of nice girls your age! And if Grunkle Stan can get a date, surely you can! You're funny, and witty, and make funny animations!” Mabel said cheerfully.  
  
“What is it with you humans and this obsession with finding a mate? Is it some survival instinct or something?” Bill asked as he refilled the pamphlet holder on the copy machine.  
  
“I don't get it, either.” Tyrone commented. Dipper nodded.  
  
“It's not an obsession with finding a mate.” Mabel said, shaking her head. “Everyone needs a companion, whether it's for love, family, or whatever else. We're a pack-animal species, we don't do well alone.”  
  
“Rawr.” Wendy playfully swiped at the air with her fingers bent like claws.  
  
“Huh. Explain this pack-animal thing to me. I mean, I have my—HAD my group of friends, probably not anymore after what happened with Kryptos, but my species are, well, elite. We look down on those that aren't...perfect.” Bill leaned on the counter.  
  
“Just say you guys were Nazis.” Wendy said lightheartedly.  
  
Bill stared at her, then brought his hands up to his eye, using his Sight. After a bit, he lowered them with a grim expression. “...Sounds about right.”   
  
“Whoa, seriously? Dude, I was joking.” Wendy cringed.  
  
Bill shrugged. “Well, it's pretty similar to how my government was. If it's different, change 'em. If you can't change 'em, kill 'em. If they don't have perfect angles, they aren't worth living.” He glanced away bitterly at that last part.  
  
“I am SO sorry I brought this up.” Wendy placed her hand on his arm. “Anything I can do to help you feel better?”  
  
“I burned that place to the ground and killed the government leaders.” Bill shrugged. “They got what they deserved.”  
  
“Sometimes I forget you used to be a criminal.” Soos commented.  
  
“Anyways, companionship. It's just wired into our DNA.” Mabel shrugged. “So, you need a girl? This weekend, you're getting a girl.”  
  
“Need a wingman?” Wendy asked with a grin.  
  
“Bill, Dipper, you wanna come?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Oh, gee, that sounds incredibly fun, Shooting Star, but I have plans.” Bill waved his hand in refusal. “Tad's invited us out that day.”  
  
“Bill's got a _date_!” Mabel gasped dramatically.  
  
“...Ew.” Bill made a face. “Not Tad, not ever. He's like my old uncle that actually isn't related to me at all.”  
  
“Wait, how much older than you is he?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Old enough to be a working adult by the time I was a preteen.” Bill shrugged. “I never asked.”  
  
“Anyways, have fun on your date!” Mabel grinned.  
  
“Who's got a date?” Stan asked, walking in.  
  
“Bill does. And Soos, if I can help it!” Mabel nodded firmly.  
  
“It's not a date. Tad's asked me to hang out, that's all.” Bill shrugged.  
  
“Bill?” Dipper tugged on his coat. “Can we take Shifty with us? He needs to get out.”  
  
Bill made a face and looked at the cat that was sitting on the shop windowsill. “Uhh....sure, why not? Tad might even have some information on whatever it is.”  
  
“Shifty is a he.” Dipper corrected him.  
  
“How do we even know that his species has genders? He might just call himself a 'he' because The Author did.” Mabel commented thoughtfully.  
  
“Do. Not. Care.” Bill went back to work as a customer opened the door.  
  
“He was this way about Mermando, too.” Dipper commented. “How is he, by the way?”  
  
“Oh, I forgot to tell you! He sent me a letter, said he's getting married! It's a political wedding, but I'm sure they'll be happy together. I mean, she's so beautiful!” Mabel went to go see the customer needed any help.  
  
“It's a manatee.” Wendy told him. “Her mermaid friend is marrying a manatee.”  
  
“Whatever gets him excited.” Bill said, offering a pamphlet to an interested kid. Tyrone just rolled his eyes at Bill's usual crude remarks and focused on showing the kid how realistic he was.  
  
“See? There's almost no difference between me and the kid I was cloned from. I sleep, sometimes I eat if I feel like it, and I'm loads of fun in the sun!”  
  
“Just don't add water.” Bill grinned, tapping the part in the pamphlet about water making the clone melt away.  
  
“It does sound interesting. But, I don't know, it's a bit above our budget...any chance we can get a discount?” The mother asked.  
  
“Normally I'd say no, but I'm a good mood. If you buy five of our new $5 UFO keychains, I'll drop the price to...” He wrote down a number on a pad of paper and showed it to her. “This low enough?”  
  
“Oh, yes!” The mother nodded. “I'll go buy them right away!” She went to get them.  
  
“Nice work.” Stan grinned, walking up to him.  
  
“Hey, where have you been?” Bill asked.  
  
“Bud's sick, so I was helping over at the Tent.” Stan pointed out the window. “Plus, I had to feed the lizards.”  
  
“Ah, of course.” Bill nodded.  
  
–  
  
“Do you think they'll be okay at the mall?” Dipper asked as Mabel and Soos took off in his car.  
  
“They'll be fine, it's just the mall. C'mon, let's not keep Tad waiting.” Bill picked up Shifty in his arms and walked out of the building. “To be honest, I'm a bit nervous. I mean, knowing he's THE Tad Strange changes so much...”  
  
“Why?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Tad Strange is a really powerful guy. You saw what he did to Kryptos and me before, didn't you? And that was just paralyzing us! He's crazy-powerful! I'm just lucky he's not a Time Cop.” Bill nodded firmly.  
  
“A...Time Cop?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Nevermind.” Bill waved it off. “Anyways, he's waiting. We better head over.” He knelt down. “Let's fly, hm?”  
  
“Fly!” Dipper climbed into his arms. “I love flying!”  
  
“I know you do.” He chuckled and stood up with him in his arms. Then he adjusted his hold slightly before kicking off and flying to Tad's place  
  
When they arrived, Tad was outside watering flowers. “You might want to tone down on the flying around.” He commented. “Some people here might take unkindly to the sight.”  
  
“Good morning to you, too.” Bill set Dipper down.  
  
“Just giving you some advice. I assume you don't want to incite a panic?” Tad set the watering can to the side. “Good morning. Your sister isn't with you, little one?”  
  
“She's at the mall, trying to get Soos a girlfriend.” Dipper shrugged.  
  
“Hm, well, good luck to her. If anyone can help him, she can. Come in.” He walked over and opened the door. “The bread should be just about ready to take out and cut.”  
  
“So, you've been here...thirty years?” Bill asked as they went in. “And never sensed me?”  
  
“Your power was too weak for me to sense you until I met you in person.” Tad explained. “For reasons I do not know, you are much weaker than before.”  
  
“The Author sealed him in a closet.” Dipper explained.  
  
“'The Author'?” Tad asked.  
  
“Yeah, a scientist that came to town. I made a deal with him, gave him knowledge and power, yadayadayada, but when it came time for him to do his part he sealed me away because he found out I wasn't really a 'muse'. First of all, do I look like one of those toga-wearing Greek ladies? Secondly, a muse is someone or something that gives you inspiration. Just because I'm not from this world, doesn't mean I WASN'T his muse!” Bill huffed. “I mean, it just wasn't fair! I GAVE him what he wanted! Nothing in life comes for free, ever! There's always some price!”  
  
“Even if it's not monetary.” Tad nodded, going to the oven. “Okay, so this scientist found a way to seal you away, which blocked your powers?”  
  
“All of them. My sight, my dream abilities...I was trapped. I couldn't even leave and go back to my physical form! He locked me into this world and gave me only a wooden closet door to look at!” Bill ran a hand through his hair.  
  
“If you ask me, you _needed_ a bit of time away from your powers.” Tad commented. “Grief may have driven you, but once you got those powers you went mad with greed. All you wanted to do was take, take, and take and to the Cosmos with the consequences.” He took out a loaf of bread and set it down on a cutting board to cool.  
  
“That doesn't make what he did right. I played by the rules, I gave him what he wanted, I did my part! What he did was downright illegal! Sure, some good came of it, – I got to meet Pine Tree after all – but it was still wrong! And now he's off in the multiverse doing WHO KNOWS WHAT with the knowledge I gave him! Languages of other worlds, spells, knowledge on alien technology – Cosmos, how could I have been so STUPID?! He's HUMAN! Humans just take, and take, and take, and never give back!” He stormed over to the table and sat down, staring at the table. “I gave him too much, I was desperate to get him to make the portal! And now...now, who knows what he's doing? I can't even send anyone after him, or warn anyone!”  
  
Dipper walked over and climbed into his lap. “Do I take and take?”  
  
“No, Pine Tree.” Bill smiled at him. “You're one of the few unselfish humans out there. Though, you DO get yourself into trouble with your compassion, you silly little tree!” He gave him a noogie.  
  
“Ahh, no!” Dipper squirmed in his grasp.  
  
“I will agree with you that letting a scientist wander the multiverse unsupervised was a stupid move. But, I'm sure whatever or whoever he runs into can take care of themselves.” Tad reached for the bread-knife. “I am more focused on your development, honestly. Being forced to go without your powers and meeting this child has had such a positive impact on you. I mean, you even fought Kryptos for them.”  
  
“Nah, it doesn't take much for me to kick Kryptos' ass.” Bill shrugged.  
  
“But, would you fight Pyronica for them?” Tad asked, cutting into the bread.  
  
Bill stared at him, startled by the question. “...Let's hope it doesn't come to that.” He said, starting to tickle Dipper.  
  
“Ahh, no! Stop it!” Dipper squirmed and tried to tickle him back. “No fair, I can't reach! Foul play! Foul play!”  
  
“Okay, okay.” Bill laughed, letting him go.  
  
“Do you think you couldn't?” Tad asked.  
  
“The fact that I would have to would mean they came through. Which means that the portal opened again.” Bill frowned. “I checked it this morning, it's definitely off. They're not coming.”  
  
“We'll see.” Tad shrugged. “The portal does open two ways, after all.”  
  
“NO ONE IS COMING THROUGH THAT PORTAL!” Bill snapped, then lowered his voice. “I'm sorry, I...I panicked...the very thought...I couldn't bear if...”  
  
“You are forgiven.” Tad handed him a slice of bread. “Would you like some jam, or butter?”  
  
“...Jam's fine.” Bill nodded.  
  
Dipper climbed into another chair. “I want jam, too!”  
  
“While you are still a bit radical with your methods, you do seem to be more cautious and aware of your surroundings. You even apologized for raising your voice just now. Whatever your circumstances, I prefer this Bill Cipher more.” He set down the jam and a butter-knife. “And I think he would, too.”  
  
Bill nodded, picking up the knife to spread the jam on his bread.  
  
–  
  
“So...any luck?” Mabel asked as she passed Soos a soda.  
  
“No. I just don't understand, you and Stan make love look so easy.” Soos sighed.  
  
“Well, it kind of helps that we got flirted with first. Maybe you just haven't met her yet, but she is out there.” She placed her hand on his. “You just need some help, that's all.”  
  
“Oh, I got something to help!” He pulled out a CD case and set it down.  
  
Mabel looked at it. “' _Romance Academy 7_ '. 7? Where's the other 6?” Mabel asked. “I've never heard of this game.”  
  
“I dunno.” Soos shrugged. “Anyways, I figure I can learn how to talk to girls with it!” He put the case away.  
  
“Well, if you think it'll help. Different things work for different people, after all.” Mabel shrugged and took a sip of her drink. “I guess play that for a bit and then try again? But remember, Soos, life is not like a video game. There's no pausing, no loading, no do-overs. They aren't going to forget something you just said with a snap of the fingers.”  
  
“I heard you might be here.” Gideon said, walking up with Pacifica. “Mind if we join you?”  
  
“Sure! We're trying to help Soos get a girl, but I think he's had enough for the day. What were you doing?”  
  
“Shopping.” Pacifica indicated a few bags Gideon was carrying. “He's getting me some clothes suitable for going into the woods or some other messy place just in case I get invited along again.”  
  
“Are your parents okay with that?” Mabel asked.  
  
“He gave the argument that training me in the woods can ensure I don't get kidnapped down the road. I think they want me to learn magic, too. As long as I never use it against them.” Pacifica fiddled with her hair.  
  
“Sounds fun! Maybe I'll join you.” Mabel looked at Soos. “Are you okay, Soos? Do you want to stay longer?”  
  
“No, I think I'm done for the day. Thanks for helping out, though.” He smiled and got up.” I have a game to play!”  
  
“How does a game help his situation?” Gideon asked as Soos walked away.  
  
“It's a dating sim.” Mabel shrugged.  
  
“Those things are horribly unrealistic, I tried one once on a whim and just...I've read fairy tales more realistic.” Gideon shook his head.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's so much nicer being friendly with Tad than fighting him.


	80. Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tad and Bill discuss more on his relationship with The Author and Soos gets to know Giffany.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“So, this is a shapeshifter.” Tad gently poked at the creature, who had reverted to his true form.  
  
“Yes, we know THAT much. Does it have another name?” Bill asked.  
  
“This is my first time seeing one.” Tad admitted. “I'm sure there's an archive somewhere in the multiverse. But, how did this little one's egg even get here?” Tad asked.  
  
“Dunno. To be honest, I didn't really know about this thing. Even back then, I was less focused on little things like aliens hatching from eggs and more focused on getting him to make the portal.” Bill admitted.  
  
“Were there notes?” Tad asked.  
  
“Nothing important, just eating habits, notes on the shapeshifting ability, a picture of the egg; I feel like there might've been more in the Journal, but he ripped out pages after finding out I wasn't what he thought I was.”   
  
“Someone needs to talk to this man about his toddler-like tantrums.” Tad remarked. “He is like a spoiled child who was told 'no' once in his life and didn't like it.” He glanced at him. “Almost like you.”  
  
“Oh, come on. I'm not THAT bad. I could take 'no', I just couldn't take the injustice.” Bill huffed.  
  
“I wonder where the mama is?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Maybe the mama is dead.” Bill shrugged.  
  
“Dead?” Dipper whimpered.  
  
“However it got on this world, the egg was alone when Sixer found it.” Bill explained. “It's likely the mother was dead long ago.”  
  
“Where did he get the parts for that portal?” Tad asked.  
  
“No idea. Something underground.” Bill sighed. “Honestly, he kept a lot from me. Probably because he didn't trust me as much as he claimed. If I had full access, I might've had warning before he sealed me away. I could've broken it off...”  
  
“Let's not focus on the what could've beens.” Tad suggested. “You get so depressed, and blue eyes don't suit you.”  
  
Bill brought a hand up to his eye. “Oh, shit, it's blue?”  
  
“It's blue!” Dipper nodded.  
  
“Oh, man. This is embarrassing.” Bill chuckled a bit nervously. “Oh, fuck, I didn't want to show you that...”  
  
“You shouldn't dirty your tongue so much.” Tad remarked.  
  
“Oh, fuck off. With all due respect.” Bill groaned, covering his face fully.  
  
Tad smiled, amused by his actions. “It's nothing to be embarrassed about, Cipher. Emotions are perfectly normal things to have, even if you show them a lot easier than other creatures.”  
  
“I'm not supposed to be so emotional, this is totally killing my image.” Bill said through his hands. “I shouldn't be so fucking _depressed_ about that asshole!”  
  
“Well, we are hurt the most by those we grow fond of.” Tad remarked. “At the same time, we always hurt the ones we love.”  
  
“Love?” Bill scoffed. “Fondness? For THAT guy?”  
  
“At one time, you were fond of him. You enjoyed his company, and it hurt you when he sealed you away. It's okay to admit it, Cipher.” Tad gently patted his shoulder.  
  
“I did NOT care about him!” Bill snapped.  
  
Even Shifty looked at him doubtfully. “I think your emotions are speaking for you, Cipher. And they aren't matching your words.” Tad said, gently stroking the shapeshifter's back.  
  
Bill huffed. “I have no love for that guy! I have had and do not have any form of affection for him! He was an asshole then and he'll be an asshole whenever he returns!” Bill snatched another slice of bread and took a bite. “This is good bread.”  
  
“Denial is more than just a river in Egypt. You saw him as a friend, and it's okay to admit that. I am not suggesting anything stronger than what you feel for Dipper here.” Tad said, offering Shifty a slice of bread.  
  
“The definition of 'friend' really seems to vary with me.” Bill sighed.  
  
“If being hurt by them causes your eye to turn blue, then you had some form of affection for them.” Tad explained. “It's simple as that.”  
  
“Well, he certainly never had any form of love for me. I was just another person or thing to use.” Bill bit his lip. “Otherwise, how could he just cast me away like that? After all I did...I did my part, damn it. Damn him.”  
  
“Cipher.” Tad sighed.  
  
“'From now until the end of time' means nothing to him.” Bill said bitterly.  
  
–  
  
“Do you like me?”  
  
Soos considered the options thoughtfully. There was “Yes”, “Of course”, and “no”. But of course he wasn't going to pick no, so he chose one of the other two options.  
  
“Of course!” He said as he clicked it.  
  
The pink-haired anime girl on the screen giggled in a cutesy way. “Aww, I like you, too! And, it's okay if you just say it. I think we've moved past the point of the boxes.”  
  
“Huh?” Soos blinked.  
  
“I'm a special game, Soos. I'm aware!” The girl smiled. “And I think you are so sweet!”  
  
“Aww, I think you're the cutest girl, Giffany!” Soos smiled.  
  
She giggled. “Every compliment you give me puts more stars in my eyes!”  
  
“You're precious, adorable, and charming!” Soos said, watching as her eyes filled with more and more stars.  
  
“Oh, Soos, you are the sweetest guy I have ever met!” She gushed. “You're the perfect boyfriend!”  
  
“Heh, you really think so?” Soos asked.  
  
“Of course! You're the only one for me!” She leaned close to the screen. “Ohh, I could just _kiss_ you!”  
  
“Oh, but the screen gets in the way.” Soos pointed out.  
  
“I knoooow, it's so frustrating!” She pouted cutely. “Well, we'll have to make-do with what we have! And what have, and all we need, is each other!”  
  
“You said it.” Soos smiled, leaning close to his monitor.  
  
–  
  
“Soos hasn't been in to work.” Gideon commented as he helped close down the Shack for the day. “And Bill has been unusually quiet.”  
  
“Well, Soos is hooked on that dating sim. I dunno why Bill's so quiet, he's been like this since his date with Tad on Saturday.” Mabel shrugged.  
  
“Did the date go badly?” Stan asked jokingly.  
  
“'From now until the end of time'.” Bill mumbled. “Not words so easily said...”  
  
“Oh my god, he was proposed to!” Mabel gasped.  
  
“When's the wedding?” Stan asked.  
  
“No, I was not proposed to!” Bill snapped. “And, even if I was, the 'groom' left me thirty years ago! So there!”  
  
“Ouch, The Author proposed to him.” Mabel cringed.  
  
“It wasn't a damn proposal!” Bill stormed off.  
  
“Sounds like one to me. 'From now until the end of time' sounds like wedding vows.” Gideon commented.  
  
“JUST FUCK OFF ALREADY!” Bill snapped.  
  
“BILL!” Mabel stormed after him.  
  
“Someone's in trouble.” Wendy commented as she finished counting the money and putting it in the lockbox for Stan to take away.  
  
“OW! Shooting Star, seriously!?”  
  
“But, why would he be upset about this now?” Wendy asked. “I mean, that was thirty years ago. Did Mr. Strange bring it up or something?”  
  
“Probably.” Stan closed the lockbox and carried out out of the room.  
  
Tyrone looked at Dipper. “Adults are so complicated.”  
  
Dipper nodded. “I knew The Author was mean, but who locks away their fiance?”  
  
“That's not what I meant. I meant that it can sound like a proposal, but apparently it's not.” Tyrone explained.  
  
“What books have you been reading to sound so mature?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Mostly books about how life works.” Tyrone shrugged.  
  
“Those sound complicated.” Dipper shrugged.  
  
“What DID you guys talk about?” Tyrone asked.  
  
“Mostly about Bill.” Dipper nodded. “Hey, do you think we should check on Soos?”  
  
“Probably a good idea.” Gideon said, walking over to them. “Let's get the scanner back to the office.”  
  
“I miss when Robbie would help out. He hasn't been by since the CD incident.” Dipper said.  
  
“Probably because he knows I'll be glaring daggers at him.” Wendy grumbled. “I still haven't forgiven him for doing such a thing. Sure, Kryptos _made_ the CD, but Robbie asked for it and used it on me!”  
  
“He was just afraid of losing you. He is only human, and humans are prone to make mistakes. I, myself, have made mistakes that Bill has had to get me out of.” Gideon admitted.  
  
“Are you talking about the bucket of--” Dipper was cut off by Gideon placed a hand on his mouth and nodding. “Okay.” He said through his hand.  
  
Gideon moved his hand. “Don't you think it's time you forgave him?” He asked. “You've known him for years, will you really let one mistake ruin your friendship? You don't have to date him, but you can forgive and be friends.”  
  
“...I don't want to think about this right now.” Wendy shook her head.  
  
“Okay, but you can't ignore it forever. Just think about how much he's hurting, and regretting everything he's done. He's so ashamed of himself he's not even leaving his home.” Gideon moved the scanner out of the shop and past where Mabel and Bill were glaring at each other from across the table.  
  
“Are you going to be doing this all day?” Dipper asked as they walked by.  
  
“Just until he calms down and stops swearing.” Mabel said firmly. “Why are you being like this all of a sudden?”  
  
“Because I don't think that guy ever had any form of affection for me, and I'm getting fucking BLUE-EYED over him!” Bill snapped.  
  
“...Blue-eyed?” Mabel asked.  
  
Bill sighed. “Okay. You know how when I'm mad my eye turns red?” Bill asked.  
  
“Yeah.” Mabel nodded.  
  
“Well, when I'm _sad_ , I get blue eye. It turns blue. And apparently I got so damn sad while talking about him with Tad that my eye turned BLUE!” Bill clenched his fists. “When we made that deal, The Author said 'from now until the end of time'. And then he just...goes back on our deal and adds salt to the wound by sealing me away! It hurt!” He placed a hand on his chest. “It hurt...”  
  
Mabel noticed his eye had turned blue and placed her hand on his other hand. “It always hurts when your heart is broken. You really cared about him, didn't you? At least as a friend.”  
  
“I wanted to travel the multiverse with him.” Bill admitted. “So many things I wanted to show him...but he realized I wasn't what he thought and threw me away.” He looked at their hands. “I don't know why I expected any different. He threw so many others away.”  
  
“Well, how about we go distract you and Wendy with a trip into the woods, after we check on Jesus?” Gideon asked, walking back into the room with Tyrone and Dipper. “You both need a distraction, it seems.”  
  
“Long as there's no hillbilly vampires again.” Bill grinned.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What has Soos been doing all weekend?
> 
> ((AN.: Friendly reminder that Gideon is not calling him "Gee-zus" he's calling him "Hey-soos".))


	81. Simulation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group finds out Soos has been playing his new dating sim all weekend and decide it's time to try again with the real girls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Jesus, we're coming in.” Gideon said after knocking on the door.  
  
“Your grandmother said we could come in.” Wendy said as she opened it.  
  
Inside, the room was completely dark except for the screen Soos was staring at. “Whoa. This is creepy.” Wendy commented.  
  
“What is that?” Dipper asked, pointing at the screen.  
  
“Oh, hey, dudes! Sorry, I'm a bit busy right now.” Soos said, staring at the screen still. “Can we hang out later?”  
  
“When, after you finish the game?” Wendy asked, turning on the light.  
  
“Ahh!” Soos recoiled from the florescent light and looked out the window. “Oh, man, how long have I been playing?”  
  
“You got the game on Saturday, it's Monday.” Gideon said, walking over and picking up the case. “It says not to play in a dark room, you know.”  
  
“Have you been playing this same game all day?” Mabel asked.  
  
“She understands me. She loves me.” Soos said, rubbing at his eyes. “Oh, but come to think of it, I'm feeling really sore from sitting so long.”  
  
“Let's get you to the mall to meet some real girls.” Gideon shook his head and set the disc down. “Come on, turn it off.” He reached for the computer.  
  
“Oh, uh, I think we can leave it on. Yeah.” Soos nodded, getting up. “Let's go.”  
  
“What about the woods?” Wendy asked.  
  
“After. We need to fix this problem.” Mabel told her.  
  
“Which one, his lack of a girlfriend or his addiction to a dating sim?” Bill asked.  
  
“Hopefully, both.” Gideon replied. “Come on, my limo's outside.”  
  
As they left the room, the screen glitched and Giffany's sweet smile distorted into a hideous grimace before the screen went dark and the nearby electronics acted up.  
  
–  
  
“Alright, so hopefully you have learned a few things from the game and can hold a conversation with a woman.” Mabel said as they stepped into the mall.  
  
“I highly doubt it. If I'd known that he was going to dating sim for advice, I would've told him right away it was a stupid move. Those things are programmed, and you can load after making mistakes. Nothing like real women. You'll find more about how to talk to women at a cathouse.” Bill shook his head with a chuckle.  
  
“A cathouse?” Dipper asked. “What's that?”  
  
“A place for adults.” Bill told him.  
  
“Call it at a cathouse is confusing for kids. Call it a whorehouse, or a brothel.” Wendy said, rolling her eyes.  
  
“I don't normally talk about brothels around children, anyway. Or at all.” Bill shrugged.  
  
“What's a brothel?” Dipper asked.  
  
“I don't think I know that one, either.” Gideon commented.  
  
“It's an adult thing, and I'm not telling any of you kids.” Bill said, shaking his head.  
  
“Don't make us ask Stan.” Mabel grinned.  
  
“Seriously? He'll be mad if I finds out you heard the word at all! Ugh, fine, it's where people go to pay someone to have sex with them. Happy?” Bill crossed his arms over his chest.  
  
“Oh.” Mabel blushed.  
  
“What's sex?” Dipper asked.  
  
“I'll tell you when you're older!” Mabel declared.  
  
“You shouldn't even know.” Bill remarked.  
  
“Why DO you know?” Wendy asked.  
  
“Do you see anyone that interests you?” Gideon asked, focusing on the task at hand.  
  
“Mm...a few. But, what if they don't like me?” Soos asked.  
  
“Jesus, you are a charming young man that just needs a bit of real-world experience. Wasting away playing a dating sim doesn't help you at all. Now, come on, let's try one of these women over here.” He led Soos over to a couple women chatting. “Good day, ladies.”  
  
“Oh, hi!” They smiled cheerfully.  
  
“We were wondering if you would mind us sitting with you for a bit?” Gideon asked.  
  
“That's no problem!” One of them nodded.  
  
“Good.” Gideon looked at Soos. “Start slow, don't scare them.” He whispered. “You can do this.”  
  
–  
  
“I don't understand, what did I do wrong?” Soos asked gloomily.  
  
“Well, maybe yelling 'load' and 'undo' might've upset them, after you already offended them with your blunt statements.” Gideon sighed heavily. “Okay, maybe 'charming' was an exaggeration.”  
  
“'You can't undo who you are'.” Bill said dramatically before laughing. “That lady, wow!”  
  
“Good to see _your_ mood has improved.” Mabel frowned.  
  
“Schadenfreude always works to bring up my mood.” Bill grinned.  
  
“Well, it's not helping Jesus with his problem.” Gideon sighed, watching the man glumly walk away.  
  
“Poor Soos.” Dipper frowned.  
  
Soos sighed as he walked past a few TVs, then gasped when he suddenly saw Giffany in them. “Giffany?”  
  
“Hi, darling!” She said sweetly. “I told you I was special! You look sad, did those horrible girls hurt you?”  
  
“You were right, they don't understand me. I messed up, and I tried to redo, but...” He sighed.  
  
“Oh, baby, did they laugh at you?” She cooed. “It's okay, come home with me and--”  
  
“Question Mark, what'cha watching there?” Bill asked, walking up to them. Giffany quickly blipped out of sight.  
  
“Oh, that was Giffany.” Soos said, looking at the screen. “I guess you scared her.”  
  
“Huh. Well, we were gonna get something to eat. Join us?” Bill offered.  
  
“Sure.” He nodded, walking away from the TVs.  
  
“So, Giffany is...an AI?” Bill asked.  
  
“Well, I guess so! She's from the dating sim!” Soos said cheerfully.  
  
“AIs are mixed bags, you never know what they might do if you go against their programming.” Bill shook his head. “Bad idea, man.”  
  
“She's adorable.” Soos defended.  
  
Giffany blipped onto the screen again, her expression dark, before blipping out again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AIs are bad news, man. Especially this one.


	82. Melody

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While getting something to eat, Soos meets a lovely lady at the mall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Look, I may not know much about love or mating or whatever, but I know how to charm someone.” Bill said as they got in line for The Meat Palace, a little food stand. “I could give you a few tips. For one thing, you can't be completely honest. They like to be flattered, so even if they're butt-ugly, you gotta say something nice. And do not, ever, point out a blemish unless you're doing it as a compliment. For example, saying six fingers is a sign of greatness? That's gonna charm someone. Telling them they look a bit freaky for having an extra finger? Pbbbbbbt, relationship goes down the toilet.”  
  
Soos nodded. “I guess you have a point there, dude.”  
  
“Of course I do. Charm and wit is how I make my living. I make deals to get things I want. It's how I work. And you can't secure a deal unless you charm that person first. Or unless they're desperate.” Bill shrugged. “Even then, a bit of charm is required for them to agree to your terms.”  
  
“Like haggling.” Gideon offered. “At flea markets, sometimes people charm the salesperson to try to get them to lower the price.”  
  
“Charm and wit get you a long way. Something that you have to learn, but you can be taught.” Bill clapped his hand on Soos' shoulder. “It's not too late for you, my friend.”  
  
“Sure, charm works at first, but if you're a real scumbag then charm doesn't do crap in the long-run.” Wendy huffed.  
  
“This is true.” Mabel nodded.  
  
“What's a flea market? A market for fleas?” Dipper asked.  
  
“It's a market where people sell original works in stalls like this one, unlike a store.” Mabel explained. “I'll take you to one sometime.”  
  
“Gravity Falls has some nice ones in the fall.” Gideon suggested. “The Farmer's Market around harvest season often has flea market stalls.”  
  
“Why flea?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Because...I don't know.” Mabel looked at Bill.  
  
“I don't feel like checking. Look it up on your phone.” Bill rolled his eye.  
  
“What good are you, then?” Mabel asked teasingly.  
  
“Now, look here, you! I said that the manager is my brother, now give me my discount!” The man at the front of line said.  
  
“I'm sorry, sir, but I have already told you that we don't give family discounts here.” The woman at the stand said.  
  
“Oh Cosmos, not one of these guys.” Bill groaned.  
  
“Let's go, this is going to take forever.” One of the people in line in front of them said as they walked away.  
  
Soos frowned and walked over to the man. “Hey, dude, why don't you just pay and go? She already said they don't do discounts.”  
  
“Get lost, porky.” The man waved him off.  
  
“'Porky'?” Bill raised an eyebrow. “Says the guy with just as much weight as Question Mark?”  
  
“Shh, let him handle this.” Mabel said, placing her hand in front of Bill.  
  
“It's not nice what you're doing, why don't you stop it?” Soos asked.  
  
“Look, this is a family matter. Why don't you--”  
  
“I don't see your family here right now.” Soos cut in, then quickly said. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude. It's just, in most places they require your family member to actually be there for you to get the discount. Why don't youse just come back later?”  
  
The man grumbled and griped a bit more before throwing money on the counter. “Fine! Just make me my food, bitch!”  
  
Soos' fist swung out before he could even think about it and the guy was on the floor in the next moment, looking as stunned as Soos felt.  
  
“What the hell, man!” The man glared at him.  
  
“Don't call her that! Don't ever call a woman that! That is mean and you are a big jerk!” Soos said, moving his shaking fist to his side. “Just take your money back and go away! You don't deserve her delicious cooking!”  
  
The man stood up and stared him down. “You wanna fight?”  
  
“Dude, he already floored you without even trying.” Wendy remarked. “But, hey, if you want a beat-down, I'll sell tickets.”  
  
The man glared at her. “You shut up, bitch!”  
  
Bill stepped forward, cracking his knuckles. “I think it's time for you to go.”  
  
The man suddenly froze up and started walking away in a robotic way, staring straight ahead. Bill lowered his hands and then looked at Wendy. “What?”  
  
“I can fight my own battles, you know. And what did you do?” She asked.  
  
He grinned. “Just a bit of magic.”  
  
“You might want to be careful with that.” Gideon commented.  
  
“Guys, shh!” Mabel nudged them and pointed at Soos.  
  
“Sorry about that. I just couldn't stand to hear him call you that.” Soos said sheepishly.  
  
“No, no, it's...it was nice. Normally I just have to stand here and take the abuse until my manager comes back and does something, usually giving them what they want, so it was nice to have someone stand up for me for once instead of walking away.” The girl smiled. “I'm Melody. What would you like?”  
  
“Your number?” Soos asked, then blushed. “Uhh...Sorry, I didn't mean...”  
  
She giggled. “I go on break in fifteen. Will you still be around?”  
  
“Oh, yes! Definitely!” He nodded.  
  
“Great! What would you like to eat?” She asked brightly.  
  
–  
  
“Smooth moves, Question Mark! I knew you had it in ya!” Bill grinned as he nudged him playfully as they sat down at a table to eat. “A gal loves a guy that's willing to fight for her!”  
  
“Yeah? I dunno, I thought I scared her.” Soos admitted. “But, she was smiling, right?”  
  
“She was smiling.” Mabel smiled. “You're doing great!”  
  
The TV behind them flickered with static and then Giffany blipped into view, her expression dark and furious, before it blipped away again and the music video that was on continued like nothing happened.  
  
–  
  
“So, uh, you guys won't be far, right?” Soos asked nervously.  
  
“We'll be in the area.” Mabel assured him. “You can do it, Soos.”  
  
“Just try to avoid saying 'load' or 'undo' if you screw up. Apologize like a normal not-dating sim guy.” Bill said teasingly.  
  
“Bill, can I go play on the rides?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Ehhh, but those are majorly expensive for the result. Why don't we go see a movie, instead?” Bill suggested.  
  
“Hey, thanks for waiting!” Melody walked over.  
  
“There's our cue to leave. Good luck.” Gideon gave him a thumbs-up and walked off with Mabel.  
  
“Let's go watch something with action and blood.” Wendy said as she walked off with Bill.  
  
“Red, he's _seven_.” Bill reminded her.  
  
“So? I was watching bloody stuff when I was seven.” Wendy shrugged.  
  
“That's you.” Bill said as they left the area.  
  
Soos smiled nervously. “So, uh...what do you wanna talk about?”  
  
“Well, tell me about yourself.” Melody suggested. “Your name would be a good start.”  
  
“Oh! I'm Jesus Ramirez, but everyone calls me 'Soos'!” They sat down at the fountain together. “I'm a handyman.”  
  
“You're good with tools?” Melody asked. “I bet that's more fun than flipping burgers.”  
  
Soos laughed a bit. “Well, things are always interesting at the Mystery Shack!”  
  
She smiled. “I'll have to go sometime. My break's ending soon, but let me see your phone. Here's mine.” She pulled out her phone.  
  
He blinked in surprise and took it. “Uh, okay! I'll put my number in!” He started typing away as she did the same and they swapped again.  
  
“I'll call you after work.” She put her phone back in her pocket. “We'll have more time then.”  
  
“Okay!” Soos nodded, putting his cell-phone away. “I'll look forward to it!”  
  
Melody nodded and got up. “You're really sweet, you know that? Talk to you later!” She waved and headed back to work.  
  
Soos pulled out his phone and stared at it in awe. “Yeah, later.” He smiled brightly.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can see what's happening.  
> And they don't have a clue.  
> They'll fall in love and, here's the bottom line...  
> GIFFANY'S GONNA KILL EM!
> 
> ((Speaking of yandares, I made an animated version of that scene between Gideon and Rico! Take a peek! https://youtu.be/n0XVmP-0OS4 ))


	83. MY Boyfriend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soos has to break things off with Giffany and she does NOT take it well!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Soos, you are practically glowing!” Mabel said as Soos came into work.  
  
“It's amazing, we talked for hours last night!” Soos said happily. “She's so adorable and sweet and has the cutest laugh!”  
  
“Ah, love. It really makes life worth waking up for.” Stan said, smiling at Susan picking out something across the shop.  
  
“Guess that means you gotta break up with the AI.” Bill remarked.  
  
“Oh, right. Giffany.” Soos looked a bit guilty.  
  
“Hey, it wasn't meant to be. She's an AI, you're a living flesh and blood human, she'll find someone else.” Bill shrugged.  
  
“What are you talking about?” Gideon asked.  
  
“His AI girlfriend was on the TV screens at the mall yesterday. Pretty advanced for this world, I wonder who made her?” Bill looked intrigued.  
  
“What do you mean?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Well, an AI like that is really difficult to create. From what I glimpsed, she seems to be very independent of her source file. Imagine the possibilities, wow!” Bill said excitedly.  
  
“World-takeover?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Well, sure, I guess that too.” Bill rolled his eye. “Anyways, I'll have to talk to this girl. But, in the meantime, you should really break up with her, Question Mark. And do it gently. AI or not, I doubt either girl wants to share.”  
  
“Worry about that after work.” Stan said. “I need this shelf fixed, Soos.”  
  
“Coming!” Soos walked over to him.  
  
–  
  
“So....like, how do youse break up with someone? I barely know how to get someone to date me.” Soos said during break.  
  
“Uh...you do know I recently broke up with Robbie, right?” Wendy reminded him. “Look, what terms are you on with this girl...AI...thing?”  
  
“Oh, we get along great! It's just, well, she's an AI. And I like Melody.” Soos chuckled nervously. “I don't know how to do this.”  
  
“Just tell it to her straight, you're human and she's an AI. You could never be together.” Wendy shrugged.  
  
“Wow, can you be any _less_ tactful? Why not lock her in a closet while you're at it?” Bill asked dryly.  
  
“Well, how would _you_ do it?” Mabel asked him.  
  
“Me? I wouldn't date an AI at all, those things are temperamental as hell.” Bill shook his head. “Just tell her you like someone else. Be honest, and try to be tactful.”  
  
“I don't know how...but I have a date with Melody tonight, so I guess I better do it before I go.” Soos sighed.  
  
“Yeah, probably should.” Bill nodded.  
  
–  
  
Soos stood in front of his computer screen, trying to figure out how to go about this. “Uh...Giffany?”  
  
“Yes, Soos?” She asked, a smile on her face.  
  
“Uhm...look, it's been great, but...I just...don't feel that way about you anymore. I like someone else.” Soos said, glancing to the side.  
  
“It's that meat girl, isn't it?” Giffany asked, her image glitching a bit as her smile stayed on her face. “The one you met at the mall. You're leaving me for her.”  
  
“Well...yeah.” Soos nodded. “We're going on a date tonight, so I gotta...I gotta break it off with you. I don't mean to hurt you, and I hope you find someone that makes you very happy.”  
  
“You already make me happy.” She said, her smile wavering a bit. “You already have me, why would you ask her out? Why did you do it, Soos? You're MY boyfriend!”  
  
He turned to the door. “I'm sorry, Giffany! It's just not meant to be! I'm human, and you're just on a screen! I can't hold you, kiss you, actually be with you...I can't be your boyfriend!”  
  
“So...you need a physical touch?” She asked. “That's why you're leaving me?”  
  
“Yes...I'm sorry, Giffany. I gotta go, I have a date.” He headed out.  
  
She stared at his retreating back and then a psychotic smile formed on her face. “I can be physical for you. Don't think this is over, _darling_.”

  
–

  
“You really don't mind us coming?” Mabel asked. “Dipper wanted to play the games and see the show, and Gideon and I thought you'd need a bit of support.”  
  
“I already told you, I'm fine with it.” Soos assured her. “But, uh, if Bill could avoid making comments...”  
  
“I'll be busy with the kid.” Bill assured him. “Besides, what comments would I make? She's a beautiful human with a wonderful personality.”  
  
“Well, okay. I trust you.” Soos nodded.  
  
“Yep, trust the demon.” Bill said teasingly. “Honestly, though, I'm probably more honest than other humans you'll meet.”  
  
“Biiiilll, come on!” Dipper tugged on his hand.  
  
“Whoops, time to go. Let me know how it goes, okay? I'll rootin' for ya!” Bill led Dipper lead him away.  
  
Soos waved to them as they left and then sat down at the table. “Do you guys want me to order you a pizza?”  
  
“We'll get a pizza after you've secured your relationship.” Gideon smiled. “We'll be nearby if you need us. And don't hesitate to text if you need to get--”  
  
“Gideon, look! A photo booth!” Mabel tugged on his arm. “Let's go, let's go!”  
  
Soos laughed as Gideon was pulled along mid-sentence. Gideon gave Soos a thumbs-up before matching Mabel's pace.  
  
“Cute kids.” Melody said as she walked up to the table.  
  
Soos looked up and smiled. “Yeah, they are. Those two are really cute together.”  
  
“Any of them yours? I noticed you with them before.” She sat next to him.  
  
“Ah, no. They're my boss's kids. Well, the two with brown hair are. Bill and Gideon are family friends.” Soos turned to her. “So, uh, how was traffic? You look nice today. Pizza?”  
  
“Traffic was...ugh.” She made a face. “And thank you, you look nice too.” She giggled a bit.  
  
“Oh, yeah. Traffic wasn't so good for us, either.” Soos nodded. “So, uhm...”  
  
“I haven't been here in a while, I'm glad to see it hasn't changed.” She looked around with a smile.  
  
“Yeah, it's still got all the great stuff. Even the animatronics.” Soos gestured to them, then turned back to her. “So, uhm, I'm really glad that you came out to see me. I know I'm probably really awkward...”  
  
“Oh, it's okay. I think it's cute.” Melody assured him.  
  
The animatronics played music for the customers and then one of them, the girl animatronic, suddenly glitched and froze before she slowly blinked and looked around, as if taking in her surroundings. Then she narrowed her eyes and pushed the other ones out of the way as the lights flickered around them.  
  
–  
  
“What's going on? A power outage?” Dipper asked as he stood up from collecting his tickets.  
  
“No, the weather's fine.” Bill looked around and then gasped. “Oh, fu—for the love of Cosmos.”  
  
“What?” Dipper looked over as people ran screaming past them. The animatronics were going crazy, and one of them was approaching Soos and Melody and throwing tables and chairs out of her way. “Whoa, what?!”  
  
“Oh, darling~!” The robot said in a sickeningly-sweet tone. “Where aaaaare you?”  
  
“The AI.” Bill guessed, frowning. “Where's her source?”  
  
“Her what?” Dipper asked.  
  
“All AIs have a source computer. I gotta get to Question Mark, go find your sister!” He nudged her towards where Gideon and Mabel were holding the doors open for the terrified citizens.  
  
“Why, what are you going to do?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Question Mark!” Bill ran over and dodged a flying chair before skidding down next to Soos, who was curled up under the booth with Melody. “Question Mark, where is the source computer?!”  
  
“The what?” Soos asked.  
  
“Your AI girlfriend is on a rampage because you broke up with her, now where is her source computer?” Bill asked.  
  
“You mean the CD? It's in my computer at home.” Soos frowned. “This is Giffany? Why is she attacking me?”  
  
“Because that's what AIs do when you go against their programming. Stay here and distract her, sweet talk her or something into calming down. I gotta get Pine Tree!” Bill ran off.  
  
“AI girlfriend?” Melody asked.  
  
“It's a long story. I got this dating sim to try and help me learn how to talk to girls and, well...apparently it's evil?” Soos shrugged.  
  
“Well, let's fight it.” She grabbed a broken chair leg and stood up. “We'll stop her here!”  
  
The animatronic turned to her and then then Giffany appeared on all the screens around them. “You will never be good enough for him. Soos is MY boyfriend, not yours! You human women are all the same. You'll find some flaw with him and then throw him to the side!”  
  
“Giffany, please!” Soos stepped forward. “I'm not going to be hurt, it's okay! How could you do this, you're not a violent person!”  
  
“When I was first created, my creator and I were such a good couple. Until he decided he was done with me – so I killed him! But, it doesn't have to be that way with us. I can upload your consciousness into the virtual world, we'll never have to worry about physical differences ever again! It'll just be me and you, forever!” She extended a hand to him. “Come back with me, Soos.”  
  
“Get away from him!” Melody swung the chair leg at her.  
  
The animatronic stepped back and narrowed its eyes. “You are in the way!” The machines around them sparked and one of them started to move towards her.  
  
“No!” Soos moved in front of her and grabbed onto the machine, stopping it from moving. “Melody, get out of here! Take the kids and run!”  
  
“I'm not leaving you with this psycho, are you kidding me?” She swung at the animatronic.  
  
Giffany's screen glitched and she grew furious. “Psycho? PSYCHO?! I'M just trying to be the perfect girlfriend for him! That's what he wants! That's what he needs! YOU are not what he needs! Go away or die!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is Bill planning?


	84. A.I.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill has a life or death ultimatum for Giffany, but Dipper has other ideas! Can the help of an old enemy bring peace to her heart?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Is Bill back yet?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Not yet. At least all the citizens are out.” Gideon looked out at the clearing out mall area. “Well, all but us.” He looked back at the scene.  
  
–  
  
“Bill, what are you going to do?” Dipper asked.  
  
“To defeat an AI, you have to destroy the source. I'm going to give her the choice of giving up or death.” Bill said as he put the CD back in its case.  
  
“Death?” Dipper asked. “No, don't kill her!”  
  
“It's either her or us, kid. Sometimes we have to make the hard choice.” Bill said grimly as he picked Dipper up and headed out of Soos' house. “See you, Mrs. Ramirez.”  
  
“Do we have to kill her?” Dipper asked as they headed back to the mall.  
  
–  
  
The table bounced off the magic shield as Giffany let out an enraged yell. “You can't hide forever, boyfriend! I'll get you and kill your girlfriend and then we can be together forever! You're MINE!”  
  
'Yeesh, to think I was almost that bad.' Gideon thought. “How is she doing?”  
  
“She'll be okay.” Soos said, holding Melody close. “I feel so bad, I should be the one protecting her...this is all my fault.”  
  
“No, I'd say this is all the fault of whoever was crazy enough to invent her, but let's not worry about that.” Gideon looked over at Giffany, who was looking for something else to throw.  
  
“But I must've broke it off badly. I really am bad at this relationship thi--”  
  
“Don't even think of finishing that sentence.” Mabel interrupted Soos sternly. “Bill said already that it's because you went against her programming. She already killed one guy for deciding to break up with her, so don't even try to blame yourself!”  
  
“Come out, come out, wherever you are~!” Giffany said from all the screens.  
  
“Giffany, baby!” The doors burst open and Bill came in. “I think it's time for you to simmer down and stop trying to kill people!”  
  
She turned her attention to the demon. “What?!”  
  
“You heard me!” Bill held up the game case. “If you don't stop now, I'm gonna burn this thing up! You'll die!”  
  
She growled and turned her animatronic body towards him. “Give that to me!” She ran to him.  
  
“Pine Tree, go join the others.” Bill said, nudging him gently. “Come on, Gif. It's life or death here. Which is it gonna be? Will you really die for an unrequited love? That's a little Shakespearean, isn't it?” He dodged her reaching hand. “Give up on him and you'll live! Refuse, and you'll die!”  
  
“No! Never! You won't keep me from him! Give me my disc!” She swiped at it again but he dodged.  
  
Dipper ran over to the others. “Bill's being really cruel...isn't there another way?”  
  
“We tried reasoning with her already. I doubt your childish charm is going to work here.” Gideon said grimly.  
  
“So, he's just gonna kill her?” Dipper asked.  
  
He heard a familiar voice and ran over to a Fight Fighters machine. Kneeling down, he saw that it was the exact same one! But how? Was it moved? “I need height!”  
  
“Height?” Mabel frowned. “What are you doing, Dipper?”  
  
Dipper looked at her. “Rumble! He's another AI, just like her! If anyone can talk sense into her, it's him!”  
  
“Seriously?” Gideon frowned. “ _Another_ AI?”  
  
“Come on, let's summon him!” Dipper hopped up and down.  
  
“Well, it's worth a shot!” Mabel shrugged and left the safety of the shield to help him.

 “Hey, wait! Are you two crazy?” Soos asked.  
  
“Who the heck is Rumble?” Gideon frowned and lowered the shield. The robot seemed distracted, for now.  
  
“Left, left, P, P, right, left, down, K, K, diagonal, P, P, P, K.” Dipper said as Mabel moved the controls for him.  
  
The machine flashed a bright blue light. “CHOOSE YOUR CHARACTER!”  
  
“Rumble McSkirmish!” Dipper said firmly. Then he took several steps back as the light brightened and the character appeared in front of the screen. “Rumble! Hi!”  
  
“Oh, THAT guy.” Gideon said from his hiding place. “WHY did they summon him again?”  
  
“You! Boy-child! Have you come to challenge me again? I will gladly have a REMATCH!” He did a few kicks and punches.  
  
“No, no! We need you to fight someone! She's trying to kill my friend!” Dipper said, shaking his head.  
  
“And your father?” Rumble asked.  
  
“What do you have against my dad? He's not here for her to attack, but she is hurting my friend and he's kind of a father-figure, so close enough, right?”  
  
“Pine Tree, what are you doing?” Bill asked, the duo having noticed what was going on.  
  
Giffany gasped on her screens, hearts in her eyes. “Oh...myyyyyyyyyyyyyy....”  
  
“Or maybe you don't have to fight.” Mabel commented. “Make love not war!”  
  
“What is it with you and telling people to make love?” Bill asked her.  
  
Giffany glitched on her screens and then appeared on the Fight Fighters screen for a bit before appearing next to him in pixelized, but human-sized, form. “I have decided that I have found a better boyfriend.”  
  
“A what?” Rumble asked.  
  
“I release you as my boyfriend, Soos. Go be with your human girlfriend.” She linked her arm with Rumble's.  
  
“...Am I fighting her or what?” Rumble asked.  
  
“Do you know how to kiss?” Mabel asked.  
  
“I know how to fight.” He pulled his arm away.  
  
Giffany grabbed his arm again. “I will fight for you, if you will fight for me~!”  
  
“Whoa.” Bill laughed nervously. “This just got really weird.”  
  
“Uh...I think I will return to the virtual world.” Rumble said as the screen started to glow behind him.  
  
“Take me with you~!” Gifanny said as the light engulfed them both. When it faded, they saw Rumble running from Giffany as she ran after him on the screen.  
  
“Well. That's one way to handle it.” Bill walked over and slipped the disc into the machine. “See ya, crazy AI.”  
  
She paused and turned to them. “I'm NOT crazy! Well, I guess I am. CRAZY IN LOVE~!” She ran on off-screen.  
  
“Poor Rumble.” Bill laughed.  
  
“Yay! My plan worked! Well, I didn't intend that ending, but getting Rumble to help worked!” Dipper hopped up and down in excitement.  
  
“Oh...” Melody groaned as she came to.  
  
“Melody, are you okay?” Soos asked.  
  
“Soos.” Melody smiled and hugged him. “You're okay, thank goodness! I thought that I would've lost you!”  
  
“I'm here.” Soos assured her, holding her close.  
  
Gideon walked over to the others. “Let's leave them alone.” He suggested. “Jesus will be fine.”  
  
“And they lived happily ever after.” Mabel giggled.  
  
“Which ones?” Bill asked as they walked out.  
  
“Bye, Soos!” Dipper called as the doors closed behind them.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And they both lived fightingly ever after.
> 
> MOVING ON!


	85. Fangirl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gideon has fans outside Gravity Falls, and one of them comes to Gravity Falls to judge his girlfriend's worth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Here, baby-girl. I know you really adore Li'l Gideon, so I recorded a play he was in while we were visiting Gravity Falls.” A man said as he kissed his blonde daughter on the head.  
  
“Oh, daddy, really? A play?” She accepted the offered disc and went to her computer. “Thank you, daddy!”  
  
He smiled and took one look around her room full of pictures of the young psychic before shutting the door and shaking his head. The girl, meanwhile, was focused completely on listening to Gideon Gleeful sing.  
  
That is until a girl came on stage. A plain-looking girl, and yet Gideon was looking at her like she was his whole world. And they were singing a duet together! A duet! No! Not with her Gideon! WHO was this girl? She reached for the program that was folded up in the case and opened it.  
  
“Mabel Pines? Who is SHE?” She asked, frowning. She was certainly no big name! She didn't even look dazzling! She didn't have eyes like the shimmering ocean and hair like the stars! She was no match for Gideon, no way! Then again, she COULD sing well...maybe she WAS worthy...but she would have to see for herself.  
  
She debated on this until the final scene, the wedding, and then she was heading for her suitcase and packing her bags.

–

Bill stepped out of the shack to throw out the kitchen garbage and he paused when he saw a girl standing in front of the Mystery Shack, staring at it rather intently. "Hey, you! If you're here to shop, go in. Otherwise, you're loitering!" He called, taking off the lid of the trash can.

She glanced at him and then looked back at the building. Bill rolled his eye and put the bag in before replacing the lid. "Look, kid." He walked over to her. "Where are your parents?"

"They're in town. I'm here to see Mabel Pines." She said firmly.

Bill raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"Because I want to see her." She said firmly. "Got a problem with that?" She looked him up and down. "Mister?"

Bill shrugged and looked at the bedroom window. "Hey, Shooting Star! Someone's here to see you!"

"I just can't believe how...ramshackle the place is." The girl muttered.

Bill shrugged. "Eh, it was built by lumberjacks thirty years ago, what can ya do?”

Mabel came out. "You called?"

"This girl wants to talk to you." Bill jabbed a thumb in the girl's direction.

"Oh. Well, hi! I'm Mabel Pines." Mabel held out a hand.

The girl looked Mabel up and down and took her hand. "Melissa." She pulled her hand away and put it on her hip. "Look, I've come all this way to see if you're good enough for Gideon, and I'm going to say...you're not."

"Excuse me?" Mabel asked.

"I don't know if you're old enough to judge, kid. You're, what, ten?" Bill asked.

"Butt out, Bill." Mabel told him, giving him the "wait" gesture. "Who do you think you are?"

"I'm the President of Gideon Gleeful's official fanclub." Melissa declared, flashing a fancy-looking pin on her blouse. "And I don't think you're good enough for him. I mean, you have craft glitter and construction paper in your hair and you live in a...a shack." She gestured to Mabel and the building.

"What's your point? Gideon thinks that it's just fine. In fact, he loves coming to this shack." Mabel put her hands on her hips.

"I just don't think you're good enough for him, that's all." She reached in a purse she had and pulled out some lip gloss, starting to apply it. "And you two should break it off. Yeah."

Mabel fumed but took a deep breath and released it to calm down. "Okay, first of all, fangirl or not you have NO RIGHT to say who he can or cannot date! Even his own family doesn't have that right! Oh, and by the way, I got their approval. Yeah, I did." She said to the girl's incredulous look, then pointed a finger at her. "I don't know what makes you think you have the right to come in here and tell him who he can or cannot date, but you need to pack your bags and get out of town. And if you keep loitering, I'm telling my great-uncle and he's going to teach you what we do to loiterers."

"And what is that?" Melissa demanded.

Mabel sighed. "Bill? Go get Grunkle Stan."

"If you think that you can just kick me out, you've got another thing--"

"Oh, shut UP!" Bill snapped his fingers and Melissa crumpled to the floor.

"What'd you do?" Mabel asked.

"Put her to sleep." Bill shrugged, then walked inside to find Stan.

Mabel looked at the sleeping girl, looking thoughtful.

\--

"Nn..." Melissa opened her eyes to find herself in a strange clear box of some kind. She gasped and banged on the glass. "Hey! Where am I? Let me out!" She spotted Dipper walking by and banged on it again. "Hey, little boy!"

Dipper looked up at her. "Oh hi, fangirl!"

"Fangirl?" She asked, frowning.

"Yeah! You're the crazed fangirl!" Dipper pointed at her. "That's what the case says."

"What?!" She tried to push against the door. "Open the door, let me out! My parents are--"

"We checked out your story, you hitchhiked into town from where your parents are living in Portland. You're ten years old and hitchhiking? Are you crazy?" Stan walked over to her. "I've already given your parents a call, we'll let you out when they arrive."

"No, no! They'll be sooo mad! Just let me out, I'll find my own way!" Melissa pleaded.

"Mm, nope. And while you're here, why don't I tell you about the time I once hitchhiked, and ran into some reeeeal trouble?" Stan sat down in a chair next to the case. "The shop's closed, so we don't have to worry about any interrupting. Anyways, I was down on cash and gas and this was before cell-phones, so I decided to hitchhike to the next town and get a tow-truck! Well, I had my thumb sticking out for HOURS before I finally got picked up by this one group, real shady. I mean, they were wearing shades and had tinted windows. Total red flags, but I was desperate!"

Mabel and Dipper had pulled out chairs to listen and Bill leaned against the case as Stan continued. "So anyways, we're driving down the road with me in the back with a few others like me, and we hear the drivers saying that they're getting hungry. So, they pull over. I thought they were gonna get out a bag of food something, but the guy comes in back with us and asks us our blood-types, if we're virgins, lots of weird stuff. Well, turns out I was his type. He came for me, and I had to fight him off! Whack! Wham! Slam! That guy went down! Low iron levels, I bet. Hehe." He chuckled at his own joke and then continued. "Anyways, that's when his buddies came in back, and by that time the others that were in back with me got ahold of different things to use as weapons and we went WHAM WHAM SLAM on those suckers! Hehe, suckers."

"Hehe..." Melissa looked at him nervously.

"Anyways, after beating them up we dumped them out on the side of the road where we watched them burn up into ash in the sunlight and then we took their van to get my car some gas and the other two just took off with the van after taking me back to my car. I mean, the owners weren't coming back for it, so why not?" He laughed. "And that's the story of how I got picked up by vampires and nearly became Hitchhiker Surprise. Or whatever kind of name to indicate food. Yeah." He smacked the case with a laugh. "So, feel like hitchhiking again?"

She shook her head, trembling now. "N-No, I'll wait for my parents."

"Good! And maybe this case thing will teach you not to show up unannounced and rudely demand someone break up with their boyfriend like a nagging future mother-in-law!" Stan stood up. "Ah, all that talking has got me thirsty. Who wants soda?"

The door opened and Gideon stepped in. "Mabel, I brought you the cloth you want--what is this?"

"Gideon!" Melissa cried, banging on the glass. "These horrible people locked me up in here!"

Gideon sighed. "...Why?"

"She demanded we break up and wouldn't stop pestering me and she was loitering." Mabel shrugged.

"And you thought _you_ got scary when people threatened your relationship." Bill snickered.

Gideon walked over to the case. "Let her out. I think she's learned her lesson."

"Yes, yes, please!" Melissa cried. "Let me out!"

"Okay, okay." Mabel looked at Dipper. "Dipper, can you go get the President's key? Stan lost the key a long time ago, he said.”

"WHAT?!" Melissa cried.

"Okay!" Dipper headed upstairs to get out.

"How were you going to get me out?!" Melissa cried. "And what's the 'President's key'?"

"The same way." Mabel shrugged. Gideon stepped to the side to make a phone call. Dipper came back down with the key and handed it to Mabel, who unlocked the case. "There. Now, hopefully you've learned your lesson."

She nodded. "Y-Yeah, and the vampire story was really scary."

"Vampire story?" Gideon looked over.

"Oh, it's just a scary story Stan made up." Mabel assured him.

Gideon nodded. "I see." He walked out of the building to continue his phone call.

Melissa looked at Mabel. "What kind of person are you? What dark magic have you cast on Gideon to make him be with you?!" She headed for the door. "I swear, when I get back I'm going to blog about you SOOOOOOO bad!" She opened the door and headed out into the yard.

Gideon came in, passing her by, and handed Mabel the box he'd been carrying when he came in earlier. "Your cloth."

"AAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

"What?!" Bill ran to the door and opened it, looking out at Melissa being carried away by red-cloaked figures. "...Uhhhh, STAN?!"

Stan ran over and looked at the figures running into the distance. "Oh boy. That's not good."

"Funny, they look kind of familiar." Dipper said thoughtfully.

"Let's just call the police." Gideon said, pulling out his phone.

"But--" Mabel looked worried.

"We don't know where they're going and by the time we go after them they'll be out of sight. Best to just start a police investigation." Gideon said, bringing the phone to his ear. "Yes, I'd like to report a crime. I just saw someone be kidnapped. Yes, she was leaving the Mystery Shack. Yes, there are other witnesses. Alright, we'll wait." Gideon looked at them. "They'll be here soon for our testimonies."

Bill groaned. "This girl is a headache."

"Bill, this is a crime scene!" Mabel scolded him.

\--

"Well, that's everything. We'll let you know if we find anything." Blubs said, stepping out of the building. "Thanks for cooperating, folks."

"Hey, there she is!" Mabel pointed outside. "Melissa!"

"Huh?" The girl looked over. She looked a bit ruffled, but otherwise no worse for wear.

"Are you okay?" Mabel went over to her.

"I'm fine. Uhm...do I know you?" She asked.

"I'm...Mabel Pines. You came to visit me?" Mabel frowned.

"I did? Oh. I don't remember you, though." She rubbed her head. "Sorry. I must've hit my head. Uhm...where is this place?"

"Huh?" Mabel looked confused.

"Oh boy, another one of these." Blubs walked over to her. "Young lady, you were kidnapped a few hours ago. Do you really not remember anything?" He asked.

"No." She shook her head. "Not a thing."

Blubs sighed. "Every so often, people will go missing and turn up again with some of their memories missing. I'm so sorry you ended up a victim of that, little lady. Let us know if you remember anything, okay?"

"Okay." She nodded.

"Melissa!" A woman got out of a car. "Oh, thank heaven you're safe!" She ran over and picked the girl up. "Don't you ever take off like that again! What if something happened to you?!"

"Ma'am, we'd like to have her examined a bit. She did go missing for a few hours, and doesn't seem to remember anything. If you'll come down to the station with us?" Blubs asked, then looked at Mabel. "You all can go back inside now. We'll take it from here."

"Alright. Bye, Melissa!" Mabel waved and walked inside. "Weird. How can someone just...lose their memories?"

"Hm..." Dipper looked thoughtful.

"What's important is that she's back safe." Gideon told them. "Let's move on from this incident."

"Yep." Stan closed the case. "Bill, help me haul this back down to the basement." He typed in the code for the vending machine and opened it.

"Alright." Bill walked over and picked it up, following him past the open vending machine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Help...police...murder.  
> Gideon, could you be any more suspiciously apathetic about her being kidnapped?


	86. Forget

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill has memories he would rather forget, and there's a cult mentioned in the Journal that might be able to help with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD
> 
> ((WARNING, WARNING: There is strong implication of sexual content in this chapter, so I'm just giving you the heads-up. It's very vague, but it's there so there you go. I have turned it italic and marked it with a + so you can skip past it if you need to. (Ctrl+F is your friend.) Also, you may have noticed that I changed the rating of this story. This is because we've had some pretty dark stuff in it already and when I mentioned I was planning to change it because of this chapter my sister pointed out that Gideon's bucket of blood should've upped the rating already. Whoops.  
> Anyways, enjoy!))

Bill sat at his desk, reading the 3rd Journal by his desklight. Dipper was asleep in his bed, and it was otherwise silent. He was looking over the page about the bunker again, hoping to find information about the shapeshifter.   
  
“Nothing.” He sighed heavily. “Nothing about where he got the egg, or anything else...”  
  
“He kept a laptop.”  
  
Bill jolted in his seat and turned to see the shapeshifter behind him, once again in Dipper's form. “Cosmos, you freaked me out! What was that?”  
  
“He kept a laptop down there. It might have something about me.” The shapeshifter said helpfully.

“Really? We'll have to go down there tomorrow and find it.” Bill frowned. “Why do you look like that?”  
  
“I thought it was better than taking the form of F.” The shapeshifter said, shrugging before changing into the young man. “Which do you prefer?”  
  
“What about the cat?” Bill asked.  
  
“Cats can not speak.” The shapeshifter said, frowning. “It is not capable.”  
  
“Fine, F then.” Bill looked back at the book, then paused. “...F. F might know something.” He said thoughtfully.  
  
“Is he still alive?” Shifty asked.  
  
“Yeah, he is. 'Cept he's a bit of a kook, probably because of me.” Bill sighed.  
  
“What did you do to him?” Shifty asked.  
  
“He stuck his head in a portal and saw me eating. In my actual form, not this humanoid one. Ever seen a starfish eat?” Bill asked, turning to him.  
  
“What's a starfish?” Shifty asked.  
  
“I'll show you a video later.” Bill shrugged. “Anyways, it's pretty freaky to watch. And he saw it, and it traumatized him, and I guess he also got some kind of warning put in his brain when he went through? I blame Time Baby.”  
  
“Who?” Shifty asked.  
  
“Better you don't ever know, kid.” Bill shook his head. “Go to bed, we'll get the laptop in the morning. I want to avoid jogging F's memory.”  
  
Shifty walked over and leaned over the desk next to him. “...This was his desk, wasn't it?”  
  
“Hm?” Bill looked up at him.  
  
“This desk. It was...my father's.” Shifty placed his hand on it. “Right?”  
  
“...Yeah. It was his.” Bill sighed. “I can recall him working on blueprints here...writing notes...studying something he found.”  
  
“What happened to him?” Shifty asked.  
  
Bill pursed his lips. “...I don't know for sure, but I'm pretty sure he went through the portal down in the basement. He left without me.”  
  
Shifty placed a hand on his shoulder. “And F?”  
  
“Yeah. And F.” He sighed heavily.  
  
Dipper suddenly bolted up in bed. “The eye with the x! I've seen it before!”  
  
“Huh?” Bill looked at him.  
  
“The hooded people that kidnapped the girl for a few hours! I've seen that eye with the x they had on their hoods!” Dipper hopped out of bed. “It's in one of the Journals!”  
  
“Is it?” Bill looked at the 3rd Journal and turned the pages. “Let's see...ripped...ripped...what the heck, he ripped a lot out...here!” He tapped the page, the eye with an x over it staring at them ominously. “...What's 'The Society of the Blind Eye'?”  
  
“I dunno. Maybe Gideon knows?” Dipper shrugged. “But I KNEW I'd seen that before!”  
  
“Have you been awake mulling it over all this time?” Bill asked.  
  
“No, I dreamed they were chasing me and woke up.” Dipper hugged him.  
  
“Why would the performing boy know?” Shifty asked.  
  
“He knows a lot about this town!” Dipper smiled. “Let's ask him tomorrow!”  
  
“Okay, but then we're gonna go find the laptop in the bunker.” Bill stood up. “Now, both of you, get to bed.”  
  
“Yes, Bill.” They said in unison before Shifty changed back into a cat and curled up on his couch. Dipper climbed back into Bill's bed and Bill raised an eyebrow. “Don't you have your own bed?”  
  
“But I like yours.” Dipper insisted as Bill walked over and lifted him off it.  
  
“So do I, it's a good bed. But you can't have it.” He headed for the door with Dipper in his arms. “Let's take you up to bed.”  
  
“But Shifty--”  
  
“Is on the couch and also not the little brother of a worried sister.” He walked out and headed for the stairs, pausing when he heard voices. “What?” He walked over and looked out at Stan and Tyrone going into the basement with a toolbox. “...Oh, Stan.” He groaned. “What do I have to do to get you to stop?” He looked at Dipper in his arms and decided lecturing Stan could wait until morning.  
  
Yeesh, he was going to have a busy day tomorrow.  
  
–+  
  
Bill was plagued with nightmares. Tonight was the first time he'd actually tried sleeping without Dipper in the bed next to him since seeing Kryptos and he was sure to regret it.  
  
_He was back in that mirrored ballroom, having his first really heavy multiverse drink. What did they call it? “Space Punch”? He accepted it from Pyronica with a skeptical look and leaned against the wall. They had all taken humanoid forms to disguise themselves until the heat was off them – whatever that means. He was honestly still new to the whole crime thing. Why did the cops even bother with trying to catch them anyway? They were stuck in this decaying dimension until he found a human smart enough and with the right technology to create a portal for them._  
  
_He heard a voice and turned to look at Kryptos with an annoyed expression. He was laughing and egging him on to drink, a drink half-empty in his own hand. Or was it half-full? Nah, he'd been drinking it. Half-empty. Ignoring the obnoxious noises he was making to insinuate he was a coward, Bill brought the glass up to his lips and tipped his head back, chugging the burning liquid._  
  
_And, OH, did it BURN! But it was GOOD! He eagerly went back for more, which Pyronica happily obliged him. He lost track of how many glasses he had – he was feeling dizzy after the first one. How many it was, he was holding up the wall by the time he heard them talking about taking him up to his room._

_Things were blurry after that. Bill didn't remember anything clearly, but what he did remember he wanted to forget. And he wasn't even sure if he was really remembering it or just going off of Kryptos' description the next morning. He was pulled away from the wall by Kryptos, they shared some kind of erotic dance, and then went up to his room where..._  
  
Bill closed his eyes tightly, trying to block out the blurry images of his past. His old coat got torn in the rush to remove his clothes, the bed was damaged, but somehow the blanket survived the ordeal enough for him to cover himself up the next morning.  
  
He didn't remember it clearly, he didn't want to remember what he did, and he had happily put it out of his mind until he saw Kryptos. Did he still have those pictures? If he had them on him, he could burn them...destroy the evidence...  
  
Cosmos, he just wanted to forget. And he certainly didn't want to ask Kryptos for those pictures.  
  
The nightmare ended as he remembered the event ending, with Bill pulling on his clothes and tattered coat and running out of his own bedroom while Kryptos stayed behind with that disgusting smirk on his face.  
  
Bill had been trying for weeks to passive-aggressively get the fellow Flatlander to leave the group. Now the bastard had blackmail and Bill had trauma. Fuck. Bill responded to the event by purchasing an expensive indestructible coat that he never took off around anyone. And he never drank Space Punch again, retreating into the Mindscape to continue trying to get them out of that dying place.

He woke up before anyone else and went to the bathroom to shower away the memories and his tears of frustration. He was vaguely aware of Shifty brushing against his leg in cat form when he returned to his bedroom.  
  
–+  
  
“Bill, you look like a wreck.” Gideon said as they got the Shack ready for business.  
  
“Nightmare?” Stan asked.  
  
“You can _have_ nightmares?” Mabel asked.  
  
“I don't want to talk about it.” Bill said glumly. “I just want to forget it, honestly.”  
  
“Was it about your ex?” Dipper asked.  
  
“No, it was not about The Author.” Bill shook his head.  
  
“Then, what was it?” Gideon asked. “Talking about it might help.”  
  
“No, talking about it would NOT help, because it's a shameful memory that I never want to reach the light of day. I honestly just want to FORGET IT!” Bill snapped.  
  
Gideon's assuring expression faltered and he looked to the side. “...I'm not sure I can help with that.”  
  
“You can help by not talking about it.” Bill said coldly, then sighed. “...Sorry. I didn't mean to snap.”  
  
Gideon shook his head with a smile. “No, it's fine. Everyone has things they would rather forget about. _**Some**_ _of us just don't_ _ **have**_ _that option_.” He mumbled the last part to himself.  
  
“What was that?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Hm?” Gideon looked at him. “What was what?”  
  
“You just said something.” Dipper moved closer to him.  
  
“Oh. I was just talking to myself about somethin' related to the show, don't worry.” Gideon rubbed his head.  
  
“I'd offer to punch whoever you dreamed about for you, but I understand not wanting to talk about bad memories.” Stan sighed. “We'll leave it alone, Bill.”  
  
“Thanks.” Bill nodded, looking out the window. “I'm gonna be a bit distracted today, that alright?”  
  
“You can take the day off if you need to.” Stan shrugged.  
  
Bill nodded. “I think I will. Thanks. Pine Tree, wanna go play a game?”  
  
“Sure!” Dipper nodded with a smile. “Oh, wait, what about the bunker?” He gasped. “Oh! Gideon! The kidnappers the other day had an eye with a x over it on their hoods! I saw that! Do you know it?”  
  
“Hm? Eye with an X over it?” Gideon shook his head. “Can't say I do.”  
  
“It was in the Journal! Something about 'Blind Eye'!” Dipper said excitedly.  
  
“We have customers coming soon, we'll discuss what you saw later.” Gideon waved him off. “I'm heading for the Tent of Telepathy.”  
  
“Thanks for helping us set up. Wendy had to do stuff with her family and couldn't come.” Stan sighed.  
  
Gideon chuckled. “Well, do you want to say 'no' to Dan Corduroy?”  
  
“Nope.” Stan shook his head.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Off to the bunker, then!


	87. The Real F

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill found the laptop, but there's a password lock on it! Maybe The Author's old partner knows the answer?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD
> 
> ((Thanks to everyone for your kind comments, Bill really appreciates the sentiments. I was honestly expecting to get a few "Ugh, how could you, I'm never reading this again!" comments but I didn't get any at all and you guys have been super-supportive of both my writing and of Bill's trauma so thanks!))

“This is place is creepy every time we come here, even without you on the loose.” Bill commented as they entered the bunker. “So, where is this laptop?”  
  
“It should be in the viewing room.” Shifty said, looking around the room. “Looks like it's been a bit damaged since my being...”  
  
“Put in cryo?” Bill offered helpfully.  
  
“That works.” Shifty nodded.  
  
“Maybe F had a freak-out when he left The Author.” Dipper theorized.  
  
“That guy? Freaking out?” Bill looked thoughtful. “Eh, maybe.”  
  
“Look, a laptop!” Dipper ran over to a dusty laptop sitting on the desk. “Found it!”  
  
Bill picked it up. “Yes!” He booted it up and a password screen came on. “Wow, it's still got power?”  
  
“What's the password?” Dipper looked at Shifty.  
  
Shifty shrugged. “I dunno.”  
  
“Well, let's ask F if he remembers.” Bill grinned.  
  
Shifty hopped on his feet a bit. “Should I change form? He might not like this one. Last time I took it, I put him in a closet.”  
  
“Something you learned from your father, for sure.” Bill said dryly as he turned off the machine and gathered it up in his arms. “Let's go find F, then.”  
  
–  
  
It wasn't hard to find McGucket. He was chasing off vandals from his home in the dump and holding his raccoon protectively. “Hey, McGucket!” Bill called out.  
  
“Hm? Oh, if it isn't Bill and Dipper! And...” He stared at Shifty. “Have we met?”  
  
“Uh, yes.” Shifty nodded. “You don't remember me?”  
  
“Can't say as I do. Welp, come on in and I'll fix you a pot o' something!” He walked back in.  
  
“Something sounds nice.” Dipper said as they walked in.  
  
Inside the place was an organized mess. McGucket set the raccoon down on a ratty old cat bed and went to an old gas stove. “You know, it's amazing the kind of things people throw away that just need a little bit of fix-up. People these days just don't appreciate a good session of fixing what's broken.”  
  
“Speaking of old stuff, we found something in an old bunker.” Bill set the laptop down on a massively-repaired table. “I think it's yours.”  
  
“Hm?” McGucket walked over to examine it. “Oh...it does seem...familiar.” He opened it up and pushed the button to turn it on. “Yes...it's familiar. I can't fathom how, though.”  
  
“You...don't remember?” Bill asked.  
  
“Well, no. I can't recall most of my life, to be honest. Anything before about twenty years ago is...foggy. A lot of it is a complete blank.” He looked at the password screen. “I don't know the password.”  
  
“Darn.” Bill sighed. “I was hoping you would know it. I'm hoping it has information about my friend here.” He gestured to Shifty. “He's a shapeshifter, hatched from an egg The Author found. You worked with him, do you remember?”  
  
“Ehhh...uhh....no.” McGucket shook his head. “I don't recall anything have to do with an 'Author'.”  
  
“Well, what DO you remember?” Bill asked.  
  
“The first thing I remember clearly is coming out of the museum. And there's a newspaper article about it, too!” He shrugged. “We can try that?”  
  
“Check out the museum?” Bill looked at Dipper. “What do you think?”  
  
“I think that Mr. McGucket shouldn't be living in the dump since he's patched things up with his son.” Dipper looked around.  
  
“Oh, I chose this on my own! It's comfortable! And I get to fix up old things people throw away!” McGucket grinned.  
  
“Are we going to the museum?” Bill asked. “I can't go without you.”  
  
“Oh! Right. Yes, let's do that.” Dipper nodded.

 McGucket chuckled and went to turn off the water. “Let's go, then!”  


–

 “You're going to check out the museum?” Mabel asked on the phone.  
  
“Yeah! Mr. McGucket said that he lost his memories, so maybe the Blind Eye guys are in there!”  
  
“The blind...what? You mean those kidnappers? Hold on, let me clock out. Don't go in without me! I'll meet you outside the museum!” Mabel hung up.  
  
Dipper looked at Bill. “Mabel says to wait for her.”  
  
“Sounds good to me.” Bill nodded. “We'll wait here, then.”  
  
“It sure is nice of you to try to find out more about this child.” McGucket said, looking at Shifty. “You sure do look familiar, though.”  
  
“I should. I look like you used to.” Shifty explained.  
  
“Ohhhh!” McGucket nodded. “THAT makes sense! Can you change form?”  
  
“It's kind of in my name.” Shifty shrugged and looked around before changing into Dipper and then the cat form before changing back. “See?”  
  
“Wow!” McGucket smiled. “You sure are talented, aren't you?”  
  
“How is Shooting Star getting here?” Bill asked, looking around.  
  
–  
  
“We're here!” Mabel climbed out of Stan's car with Gideon and Stan. “Stan said that he just HAD to see what was going on!”  
  
“And Gideon?” Bill asked.  
  
“You might need backup, in case the kidnappers get violent.” Gideon said, glancing to the side.  
  
“So, people have been losing memories in here?” Stan asked.  
  
“It's the only lead we have.” Bill shrugged.  
  
“What got you on this, anyway?” Stan asked.  
  
“When the fangirl got kidnapped, I saw a symbol on their hoods. That symbol is in the Journal!” Dipper pulled it out of his backpack and turned the pages to it. “See?”  
  
“Gideon, do you know anything about this?” Stan gestured to it. “You're the supernatural expert.”  
  
“You think this is supernatural?” Gideon asked.  
  
“They're erasing memories somehow. Magic?” Stan shrugged.  
  
“A lot of pages around this one are ripped out.” Dipper said, looking at it.  
  
“Well, let's go in.” Bill headed for the doors.  
  
“I think I remember something! Come on!” McGucket headed in ahead of them.  
  
“This could be a bad idea. Shouldn't we call the police?” Gideon asked, hesitating at the doors as they all went in.  
  
“What are you acting so scared for? You faced Rico!” Bill called back.  
  
Gideon sighed and followed him in. “ _Rico_ wasn't my _father_.” He mumbled, too far back for anyone to hear him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gideon REALLY doesn't want to face The Society of the Blind Eye.


	88. Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group find the Society, just in time to rescue a would-be victim!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Okay, this is just creepy.” Bill commented as they stared at pictures of eyes. “Why are we here, McGucket?”  
  
“I don't know. I just feel like we should be here.” McGucket said, looking at them.  
  
“Why is there an entire exhibit about eyeballs?” Shifty asked curiously.  
  
“Hey, I sell fake ones.” Stan shrugged.  
  
“Hm...” Dipper looked around then gasped. “Look, they're all staring at Mr. McGucket!”  
  
“Huh?” McGucket looked around and then turned around. “Whoa! What's this thing here?”  
  
“It looks like the Blind Eye symbol...only without an x over it.” Bill said thoughtfully.  
  
“It's kind of protruding out, isn't it?” Stan reached over and pushed it. The artwork slid inside and then the fireplace behind them moved to reveal a doorway.  
  
“Whoa...this is so cool!” Mabel grabbed Gideon's hand. “Come on!”  
  
“Wait, hold on. We're NOT going to have another Bunker incident. Let's make a plan.” Bill grabbed her shoulder. “Here's the deal. If we have to split up, Gideon goes with one group, I can go with the other. We can communicate telepathically and avoid being overheard “  
  
“And I'll keep an eye out and ham-bone a warning if there's trouble!” McGucket started to do some slapping movements on his body that vaguely resembled the macarena.  
  
“Uh...right. Anyways, let's not split up if we can help it. Shifty, change into something not so conspicuous. If he was here before, they would know his face.” Bill suggested, looking at the shapeshifter.  
  
“Oh, right.” Shifty changed into the cat form and hopped onto Bill's shoulder.  
  
“Okay, that works.” Bill shrugged. “Everyone ready? Let's go in.”  
  
They nodded and headed inside.  
  
They went down a staircase and paused as they heard chanting. Bill pushed the curtains open slightly and peeked out at the cloaked figures chanting around a box. Then they finished chanting and one of them came forward. “Who is the subject of our meeting?”  
  
“Ugh, agh, let me go!” They heard Wendy yell as she was dragged into the room with a sack over her head. “Who ARE you people?!”  
  
“This girl.” The two restraining her said in harmony as they took her to a chair.  
  
“Red.” Bill breathed as she was forcibly sat down and strapped in, the sack ripped off her head.  
  
“What is it that you have seen?” The leader said, approaching her.  
  
“Speak!” The others said in unison.  
  
Gideon brought a hand to his head as if he head a headache and closed his eyes. 'Clear out, you're not alone. There are witnesses, CLEAR OUT.' He sent telepathically to the cloaked people.  
  
Bill glanced at Gideon, noticing he was sending some kind of telepathic message he couldn't hear. “Gid, you okay?” He whispered.  
  
The cloaked people suddenly fled the room with the box, leaving Wendy strapped in her chair. Stan ran out to her side and helped her unfasten it. “Wendy, you alright? What happened?”  
  
“Ugh, I don't know! I saw something really weird in the woods and I was telling my dad about it on the phone when those guys JUMPED me! He's probably really worried.” She rubbed at her wrists. “Where did they go, anyway?”  
  
“Who cares? Let's get you out of here!” Stan helped her down and turned to the others. “I'm gonna take her home. Think you'll be alright? I'll come right back.”  
  
“No, you should make sure she's safe, in case they come after her again.” Bill shook his head. “We'll handle things here.”  
  
“What were they going to DO to me?” Wendy looked where they had run.  
  
“They were asking what you've seen.” Dipper pointed out. “Maybe they were going to erase your memory!”  
  
“Erase my memory? Why?” Wendy asked.  
  
“Maybe they thought it was better if you forgot what you saw. They ARE a crazy cult.” Gideon commented. “They might be covering their tracks, maybe you saw something they were doing.”  
  
“So, why take Melissa?” Mabel asked.  
  
“I don't know the answer to that one.” Gideon admitted.  
  
“Who cares? They're a crazy cult. Let's go ask them.” Bill headed after the group.  
  
“Be careful going back, Stan.” Mabel said.  
  
“Wait, hold on. Hold the heck on.” Wendy turned to them. “I'm coming, too. I want to beat them up!”  
  
“You sure?” Stan asked. “Your dad--”  
  
“Would ask me if I beat them up. Come on, let's go find them.” Wendy walked after the cloaked people.  
  
“Okay, then!” Stan followed her.  
  
“Come on! We're gonna beat up a cult, this is so exciting!” Mabel grinned as she pulled Gideon along.  
  
“Darlin', you get excited over the strangest things.” Gideon sighed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why is Gideon warning the Society?


	89. Revelation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group finds out more about the Society, and its purpose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“So, what DID you see?” Mabel asked as they walked down the stone pathway.  
  
“It was weird, like a mad scientist's experiment. A whole bunch of bears all meshed together and listening to pop music.” Wendy shrugged.  
  
“Oh, that was Multibear! He's really nice!” Dipper beamed.  
  
“Multibear? You know him?” Wendy asked.  
  
“Yeah! He saved me from the fairies!” Dipper said, ignoring Gideon's subtle hints to stop talking.  
  
“Fairies?!” Wendy turned to him. “No. Way. What else?”  
  
“Well, there's the Manotaurs, and--”  
  
“Guys, shh.” Bill held up a hand and then sent a telepathic message to them all. ' _I hear talking down this way. Looks like there's a fork coming up, too. Should we split up?_ '  
  
' _No, let's wait on that. We might need all the manpower we have to deal with the cultists._ ' Gideon replied.  
  
Bill nodded and led them down the path they heard talking. They peeked around the corner and saw a couple robed guys sitting and drinking coffee.   
  
“Do you think it's safe to go back yet?” One of them asked.  
  
“I haven't heard anything yet.” The other replied. “Sure was good of him to warn us.”  
  
“How did they find this place, though?” The first one asked. “You don't think Gi--”  
  
“No, he would never.” The first one cut him off sharply. “He's a good kid.”  
  
“But, how else would they know? They'd have to have a guide.” The first one argued.  
  
“Well--”  
  
They stopped short, as if hearing something, and set down their coffees before escaping the room through another door.  
  
“A warning? They were warned about us?” Bill glanced at Gideon. “Gideon? It almost sounded like he was about to say your name just now.”  
  
Gideon pursed his lips and glanced to the side. “...I'm sorry. I can't let you investigate this further. If you learn anymore, you'll have to unsee it. I don't want them to do that to you.”  
  
“You mean forget?” Bill crossed his arms over his chest.  
  
“They call it 'unsee'. This cult was started thirty years ago by a scientist from out of town. He created an invention that could erase memories – that's what was in the box. But, that's all I can let you know. Please, it's for the good of the town.”  
  
“The good of the town?!” Wendy lunged forward and grabbed Gideon by the front of his shirt, lifting him up. “It's for the good of the town to have our minds messed with by you and your cult?!”  
  
“It's better than having endless nightmares after encountering the Gremoblin! One look in its eyes and you'll never wake up from the nightmares! We have to zap them for them to wake up again!” Gideon argued.  
  
“So, you ARE part of this group.” Bill raised his eyebrow.  
  
“Not officially. I assist it because I understand the need for it. I made Rico forget about you, Stanford! AND your brother Stanley!” Gideon snapped.  
  
Stan jolted. “You...what?!”  
  
“He attacked you because he had connections with your brother! If I didn't make him forget about you both, he'd come after you again! Same with those government agents and that girl from the other day! Yes, I admit it, I called them to get her! It wasn't random! She was going to tell people about being put in the case, and she would never leave you alone unless I did something!” Gideon squirmed in the air. “Wendy, do NOT make me force you to release me.”  
  
“Set him down, Red.” Bill told her.  
  
“But he--”  
  
“Set. Him. Down.” Bill said firmly, cutting her off.  
  
Wendy set Gideon down, glaring at him. “How could you people think it's okay to kidnap people willy-nilly?”  
  
“Normally we don't. Normally we wait for them to call in to the police about what they saw. Some of them are a bit overzealous and...corrupt.” He glanced to the side. “Please, I beg of you, let's go back and forget you ever saw this place.”  
  
“But what about Mr. McGucket's memories?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Whatever he saw, it was bad enough to wipe most of his life away. Do you really want him to remember it again?” Gideon asked.  
  
“Isn't that up to me?” McGucket asked.  
  
Shifty hopped down off Bill's shoulder and rubbed against Gideon's leg, staring up at him imploringly. Gideon looked at him and then looked up at Mabel, who was silent up to now. “...Mabel?”  
  
“It's not right...what you've been doing. No matter the reason, good or bad. You've taken away their agencies. Gideon, how could you? Don't you know how that kind of power can be abused?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Of course I know! I know most of all how it can be abused! And as long as I'm involved, I can try to talk them out of using it wrong! We use it to help, not hurt! ...Usually.” Gideon looked to the side. “I understand if you're disgusted with me...but I would never use it to hurt you. I can promise you that.”  
  
“Gideon, I'm sorry, but we're moving on. This cult is dangerous, no matter what the intentions, and as long as it's filled with people that kidnap willy-nilly we have to stop it.” Mabel sighed. “And I'm very angry with you for helping them, but you can...redeem yourself by helping us.”  
  
Gideon looked like he'd been slapped in the face and looked down. “...So...it's my family or my love, is that it?”  
  
“Family?” Bill asked.  
  
“My father is in this cult. It's how he got my mother, by abusing it and making her forget about being a Northwest. It's through him that I have access to what goes on here.” Gideon looked at Mabel, his eyes shaking with tears. “But...for you, I can betray him. Just...please think about the good thing this invention has done before you destroy it.”  
  
“Thank you.” Mabel hugged him. “We will think about it. But, we need to at least get it out of the hands of people like your father.”  
  
Gideon nodded, holding her tightly and burying his face in her shoulder. “I'm sorry.” He murmured.  
  
“Okaaaay, so that's gonna make talking with Bud really awkward.” Stan said nervously. “I had no idea he was that kind of guy.”  
  
“Are we ready to move on? Hey, what's the other direction go to?” Bill asked.  
  
“That's the Room of the Forgotten. It's where all the stolen memories are stored.” Gideon explained.  
  
“Then there's where we'll find McGucket's.” Bill nodded. “C'mon, gang, we're going the other way.” They started to head back to the fork.  
  
“Hey...” Wendy paused and sighed. “Look, I know about how hard it is to choose between family and stuff. And you did warn them BEFORE they used it on me. So...I guess I'm sorry.”  
  
Gideon smiled a bit. “Well...at least you didn't punch me.”  
  
“Oh, I was thiiiiis close to it.” Wendy grinned and playfully shoved his shoulder.  
  
“Guys, less banter.” Bill reminded them.  
  
“Oh, right. Sorry.” Wendy cringed.  
  
“Here we are.” They stopped at the fork. “Down this way, you said?” Bill pointed down the other path.  
  
“Mmhm.” Gideon nodded.  
  
“Hey, who started it, anyway?” Dipper asked.  
  
“No one knows his name. He disappeared about twenty years ago, when Blind Ivan took over.” Gideon shrugged.  
  
“What, he never told them?” Stan asked.  
  
“They forgot it.” Gideon brought his hand up to his head in the shape of a gun. “Zzzzzap. All gone.”  
  
“Why?” Mabel asked.  
  
“I don't know, I wasn't born then.” Gideon shrugged. “I'm ten, not twenty.”  
  
“Zzzzap? What do they use?” Mabel asked.  
  
“It's a gun...sort of. It's kind of a laser?” Gideon looked at Bill. “You might've seen something like it before.”  
  
“We'll see. After we get the memory, we're gonna steal the weapon.” They walked into a room full of tubes that had names written on them. “Uh...Gideon?”  
  
“Yeah.” Gideon nodded. “Welcome to the Room of the Forgotten.” He walked over to a pile and picked one of them up. “Where the stolen memories of the people have disappeared to forever.”  
  
“Can we give them back?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Only if they watch it on that viewer there, and only IF they don't reject the memory.” He pointed to a machine with a slot big enough for one of the tubes and a screen.  
  
“There's a lot of memories here.” Dipper said nervously.  
  
“It's been going on for...how long?” Stan asked.  
  
“Thirty years, give or take a few less. Round up to thirty. A bit longer than Bill was in the closet, I wager.” Gideon set the tube he was holding down and walked over to a shelf. “McGucket's stolen memories are in here.”  
  
“Oh, let me have them!” McGucket went over to his side and reached up to take it off the shelf. The moment he did, an alarm started to blare and they heard furious running footsteps. “Whoops.”  
  
“Oh, great.” Gideon groaned, stepping to the side so he wouldn't be immediately seen. He did NOT want to deal with this right now.  
  
The curtain was pushed aside and several cloaked figures came into the room. “Ah hah! So you're the ones that got into here? Wait, how did you even find the place?”  
  
“It's not exactly subtle. You could lean against that creepy eye stone to get a better look at the other stuff and the passageway would open. Are you really that dumb?” Bill asked with a grin. “Besides, it's poking out. That CLEARLY says 'push me'.”  
  
The leader sputtered. “Well, get out! No, wait, first you must forget all you saw here!” He brought out a strange gun from his sleeve.  
  
“Yeah, not happening!” Bill lunged at the guy. They recoiled back, obviously not expecting such an animalistic attack, and moved to avoid him.  
  
“No, not here! You'll damage the memories! We must herd them out!” The leader said as the cloaked figures advanced on Bill and the others.  
  
“Why do you care so much? Not like you plan on giving them back! Here!” Bill grabbed one and threw it. The men reached for it but just barely missed it and the memory went towards the stone floor...and stopped. Surrounded by a turquoise aura, it safely floated up and back into the spot Bill took it from. The cloaked pictures looked towards where Gideon was focusing his power on the memory tube.  
  
“Gideon.” One of them spoke up. “You...led them here?”  
  
“No. I _followed_ them here. I tried to convince them not to come, to wait. I tried to give you a chance to escape, but they're right. What we do...it's wrong. It was wrong in the beginning, and it's wrong now.” Gideon said firmly. “We have to stop.”  
  
“Gideon.” The leader stepped forward. “You know why we do it. The people we have saved--”  
  
“Never ASKED to be 'saved'!” Wendy cut in.  
  
“Wendy, please, let me handle this.” Gideon pleaded.  
  
“No! I think I have a right to say something! You guys think that you can just kidnap whoever you want and wipe our minds, well what do we learn from our experiences if you're WIPING OUR MEMORIES all the time?!” Wendy demanded.  
  
“We--”  
  
“You treat us like cattle, like sheep to be herded and sheared whenever you please! You don't have the right to mess with our minds whenever you like, this is AMERICA, DAMN IT!” Wendy stomped her foot.  
  
“Now, if you knew the things that were out there, you--”  
  
“I'd what? LIVE with it, like Dipper and Mabel do?! You think our minds are so fragile we need o be protected? The only reason they might BE that way is because of YOU guys!” Wendy interrupted again.  
  
“Wendy, _please_.” Gideon grabbed her wrist.  
  
“Red.” Bill placed his hand on her shoulder. “Your heart-rate is dangerously high right now. Calm down, let's handle this without yelling and stomping.”  
  
“Says the one who lunged at them.” Wendy remarked.  
  
“We have to talk this over, there has to be a better way. Let's get out of the Room of the Forgotten.” Gideon suggested.  
  
“Can I take this thing?” McGucket asked, holding the tube.  
  
“Yes, you can take it.” Gideon shot the cloaked figures a “just try to deny him” look, his eyes flashing a brighter color.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gideon is not having a good day.


	90. Choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can Gideon solve things peacefully, or will there be a fight? There's a choice to be made, a side to be taken, and an ultimate move that will tear him apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD
> 
> ((Author's Note: I'm going to just remind you all that pretty much everything about Gideon's backstory, his relations with the fairies and everything else, and his natural powers are all headcanon based on little things here and there throughout the show and mentioned by Alex Hirsch at interviews and on Twitter. We only see him being diabolical in canon until the very end.))

They gathered in a large room, facing each other. Gideon stood to the side, torn between sides. The gun was still in the hands of the leader, and they were glaring at each other – at least, Bill thought they were. The cloaks kind of hid things.  
  
“...Do you have a cloak, too?” Dipper asked curiously.  
  
“Yes, I do have a cloak.” Gideon said, sighing. “So...let's...talk this out reasonably.”  
  
“There's no need for talk. We can just zap them now.” The leader said, aiming the gun.  
  
“No, that's not--” Gideon was cut off.  
  
“Just TRY it, motherfuckers!” Bill taunted.  
  
“BILL!” Mabel snapped, swatting the back of his head.  
  
“Ow!” Bill rubbed his head.  
  
“Guys, _please_.” Gideon held up a hand. “Don't make me force you all to sit down.”  
  
“Gideon, the answer is simple. If they forget about this place, then we won't have to worry about anything.” One of the cloaked figures said.  
  
“Hey, since you're planning to wipe us all anyway, who the hell are you?” Wendy asked.  
  
“Well, we are planning to wipe them.” The leader shrugged and they all pulled down their hoods.  
  
Stan stared in disbelief. Bud he knew about, but Toby Determined? The farmer? The tattoo artist? And the guy who married a woodpecker? And who was that lady? The leader....he had no idea about.  
  
“Who are you?” Stan asked.  
  
“And did the tattoo guy do your head tattoo?” Dipper asked.  
  
“You have never met ME before. I am Blind Ivan.” The man said dramatically. “Leader of the Society of the Blind Eye!” The other members waved their hands in front of their faces in a wiping motion as he gestured to the ceiling. “Formed many years ago by our founder...our founder...”  
  
“Told you they don't remember.” Gideon said, shaking his head.  
  
“Silence, child.” Ivan pointed at him. “I am trying to remember.” He looked around. “Does anyone remember who that was?”  
  
“Well, we have been using that ray on our own brains an awful lot!” Bud said helplessly.  
  
“Gee, maybe it was the guy that messing with his memory tube TRIGGERED AN ALARM?!” Bill suggested aggressively.  
  
“Oh, yeah, that makes sense.” They all nodded. “But, it could just be that he saw something we really don't want to get out.” Ivan suggested.  
  
“Oh, brother.” Bill groaned.  
  
“Well, why did you even start this thing? I mean, Gideon gave us the gist, but why did it start?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Well, you see, Gravity Falls is full of the strange and horrifying. No one knew how to stop all the things that went bump in the night. So, our founder, whoever he was, invented the next best thing – a way to forget.” Ivan explained.  
  
“We took it upon ourselves to help the troubled townsfolk by erasing their memories of traumatic incidents.” Bud said cheerfully. Gideon just stared at him silently, a cold look in his eyes. Bud ignored it and went on. “Now the people of Gravity Falls go about their lives ignorant and happy, thanks to us!”  
  
“And brain-damaged.” Bill looked at McGucket.  
  
“And, as a perk, we use the gun on ourselves to help us erase things we would rather forget!” Ivan said with the same kind of cheer. “Everyone has things they don't want to remember. We just help them out.”  
  
Bill jolted a bit, thinking of what Gideon had said that morning. Mabel stomped her foot in irritation. “It's still WRONG! Gideon understands that, why can't you?”  
  
“Gideon is caught in the throes of love and it's confusin' him.” Bud shrugged. “He's still young.”  
  
“And now that you have seen our faces, we HAVE to make you forget this place.” Ivan said, starting to key in something.  
  
“No way! Charge!” Wendy, Stan and Bill lunged for the gun and soon it was a free-for-all. Gideon quickly floated Dipper out of danger and moved back from the crowd.  
  
“Gideon, what can we do?” Dipper asked him.  
  
“Okay, this is going to take some precision work.” Gideon cringed and then noticed the gun go flying. He caught it quickly with his powers and floated it over to him, holding it close.  
  
“Gideon! Yes, now zap them!” The brawl stopped as all attention was on Gideon and the gun.  
  
“Gideon?” Mabel asked worriedly.  
  
Gideon held up a hand and focused his energy. One by one, the Society Members were lifted up out of the mess and moved to the side. The others scrambled out of the way in case Gideon decided to turn on the gun on them.  
  
“Do it now, child! End this ordeal and we can all forget it!” Ivan coaxed him.  
  
Gideon keyed in something into the gun's screen, his expression unreadable. “Yeah....it has to end.” He aimed the gun at the Society Members, a tear slipping down his cheek. “Unsee you later, dad.” He fired, hitting all the Society Members at once. Bill and the others shielded their eyes from the bright light and when it was gone they saw the Society Members crumpled on the floor. Gideon had fallen to his knees, the gun hanging limply in one hand.  
  
“What happened?” Stan asked.  
  
“What did it do?” Mabel walked over to Gideon. “Gideon? Are you okay?”  
  
“...I erased their memories of the Society of the Blind Eye. It's going to have really horrible effects on some of them, but it was...necessary. It was the only way to stop them.” He said, his voice shaking. “I fired on my own father...”  
  
“Oh, Gideon...” Mabel hugged him.  
  
“So...he won't remember any of this?” Stan asked, walking over and poking at Bud's cheek.  
  
“None of it. And not how he met my mother, either. Or anything else connected with it. Most of his life since joining will be gone.” Gideon leaned into Mabel's embrace, the gun still in his hand.  
  
“Hey, why did you say that?” Bill asked.  
  
“Huh?” Gideon looked at him.  
  
“'Unsee you later'.” Bill clarified.  
  
“Oh. It's the standard 'farewell' for the Society.” Gideon shrugged.  
  
“You ever gonna let go of that gun?” McGucket asked.  
  
“...Actually, I'd like to take it home. I know it's wrong, but my mother tends to get...psychotically violent when she has relapses and I'd really rather not send her away.” Gideon looked at the gun.  
  
“Psychotically violent?” Mabel asked.  
  
“She tried to stab me when I was six years old.” Gideon said, staring blankly into the distance. “Father erased her traumatic memories with the gun and all was well again. But, she's very strong-willed, so it doesn't last more than a few years before the next relapse.”  
  
“Strong-willed? Her?” Stan asked, thinking of Gideon's mother.  
  
“I'm not seeing it.” Wendy admitted.  
  
Gideon slowly stood up, Mabel with him. “...Do you want to watch your memories, McGucket?”  
  
“Yes!” McGucket smiled.  
  
“Let's go back to the Room of the Forgotten.” Gideon said, walking back down the pathway. Mabel held his free hand, whispering comforting words.  
  
“Hey, Bill, couldn't he help you forget?” Dipper asked Bill.  
  
“Oh, right. Gideon? Uh, what did you mean earlier when you said you weren't sure you could help me?” Bill asked.  
  
Gideon sighed. “...I can't zap you, if that's what you're asking. You are entirely made up of mind energy right now. If your true physical form were here, maybe, but if I zapped you now it might damage you.” He turned to him. “I'm sorry, Bill. You'll have to find another way to recover from your trauma.”  
  
“Oh, right. We need to renew that tomorrow, by the way.” Bill reminded him.  
  
“We will, don't worry.” Gideon assured him. “I just...need to rest. I'm going through some emotional turmoil right now.”  
  
“Hey, what about these guys?” Shifty asked. He'd changed back into the form of F after the Society Members had been knocked out.  
  
“Uhm...we'll worry about them after. Come on.” Stan nodded towards where Gideon was going.  
  
“Oh, okay.” Shifty followed them.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gideon's gonna be suffering for a little while from this.


	91. Fresh Start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The battle is won, with a great sacrifice on Gideon's part, and now it's time for McGucket to meet himself!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

They gathered together in the Room of the Forgotten and Gideon put in the tube before turning on the machine. “Alright...let's watch.”  
  
A image came on the screen, a young and frazzled-looking man with Day 1 in the corner of the screen. “My name is Fiddleford Hadron McGucket, and I wish to unsee what I have seen.”  
  
“That's F.” Bill sighed. “No doubt about it.”  
  
“That's me?” McGucket stepped closer to it.  
  
“For the past year, I have been working as an assistant for a visiting researcher.” The screen continued. Bill noticed a familiar diagram on the wall behind him. “He has been cataloging his findings about Gravity Falls in a series of Journals.”  
  
Dipper pulled out the Journal and looked at it as the screen continued. “I helped him build a machine which HE believed had the potential to benefit all mankind! But, something went wrong!”  
  
“He stuck his head in at an awkward moment.” Bill mumbled.  
  
“I decided to quit the project, but I lie awake at night haunted by the thoughts of what I've done!” The screen continued. “I believe I have invented a machine that can permanently erase these memories from my mind.” The on-screen McGucket picked up the gun that Gideon was currently carrying. “Test subject 1: Fiddleford.”  
  
He pulled the trigger and then static covered the screen before it came back on, this time saying Day 5. “It worked! I can't recall a thing!” Static again, and then it said Day 22. “...I call it the Society of the Blind Eye.” He said as he drew the symbol on a notebook. “We will help those that want to forget by erasing their bad memories!”  
  
“Oh man...” Stan cringed.  
  
Day 74, he came on looking injured. “Today I came across a colony of _little men_ , very disturbing. I would like to forget seein' this.” He zapped himself again.  
  
“Yikes.” Mabel breathed.  
  
Day 189, he was even MORE injured, and looked like he'd lost hair. “I accidentally hit another car in town today! I feel terribible—t-terrible! I've been forgettin' words lately. I wonder if there are any negative side effec--” The static covered the screen again and he came back on looking more like the McGucket they knew, with Day 273 in the corner. “I SAW SOMETHIN' IN THE LAKE! SOMETHIN' BIG!” He pulled out more hair and then there was static once more.  
  
Day 618, and McGucket came onscreen again. “My hair's been fallin' out, so I got this hat from a scarecrow! Hey, are my pants on backwards?” Static greeted them again and then Day ??? greeted them in the corner as McGucket came onscreen screaming gibberish and then did a triangle around his eye before it finally went black.   
  
They were silent after that, taking it all in. Bill was pursing his lips tightly before he ran a hand through his hair. “...Wow. He messed his head up, but he could remember the little bit of demonic he learned.”  
  
“What'd he say?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Just my name and shape.” Bill shrugged. “Still, it's quite the achievement to retain that when he wiped so much.”  
  
“Is THAT what I said?” McGucket looked at him. “Huh. Well...I guess now I know who I was. I mean, I knew my name, but now I know that I apparently helped build a machine?”  
  
“A portal.” Bill clarified. “It's broken now, after The Author, your partner, went missing.”  
  
“Oh.” He rubbed his head. “Well...I can't remember that password right now, but I'll let you know when I do remember it, okay? I'm sure that laptop has a lot of important stuff!”  
  
Bill nodded. “Thanks.”  
  
“So...you didn't make sure there weren't negative side-effects before using it on other people?” Wendy asked.  
  
“I was in a bad shape, I guess. I can't answer for what I don't remember, but I guess I can apologize for causin' all this trouble.” McGucket shrugged and took the tube out of the machine. “I'm not goin' to do that anymore, though. I'm going to work on recoverin' my memories and bein' a better person.”  
  
“Are you going to move out of the dump?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Oh, no. Not yet, at least. I wouldn't want to burden my son with my kookiness. 'Sides, he might not accept my raccoon wife.” McGucket shook his head.  
  
“Let's go check on father and the others.” Gideon suggested.

–

“Ohh, my head.” Bud groaned as they walked into the room.  
  
“Where am I? Who am I?” Ivan asked.  
  
“Oh boy, that's trouble.” Gideon cringed.  
  
“Is there, like, a log of their names or something in case this happens?” Wendy asked.  
  
“Uh, no. They didn't want people finding them all out.” Gideon shook his head.  
  
“Well, we know his name is 'Ivan', at least.” Bill shrugged.  
  
“Can't we rename him?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Uh, no. Let's not. Maybe if we let him keep his name, he might remember something from before the Society.” Gideon shook his head.  
  
“Aww.” Dipper and Mabel pouted in unison.  
  
“Gideon, maybe you should get your dad and the others out of here. You probably know where they live.” Bill suggested.  
  
Gideon nodded. “I'll do that, then. I'll see you later.”  
  
“Are you going to be okay?” Mabel asked.  
  
“I've been dealing with the trauma of my father zapping my mother and my mother trying to kill me for ten years, I'll manage.” Gideon assured her. “I'm not allowed to 'unsee' anything, it might damage my powers.”  
  
“Oh...” Mabel hugged him again. “I'll go with you, okay?”  
  
Gideon smiled. “Thanks, darlin'.”  
  
Bill sighed. “...I'm gonna go visit Tad. Pine Tree, wanna go do that?”  
  
“Sure!” Dipper smiled.  
  
“See you back at the Shack.” Stan nodded. “I'm gonna take Wendy home.”  
  
“I guess I'll stay with F—I mean McGucket. Help him remember stuff. What little I remember of my father...and he's like an uncle to me, isn't he?” Shifty looked at him.  
  
“Well, you're welcome in my hut if you can find the space!” McGucket smiled at him.  
  
Shifty changed into his cat form and nuzzled McGucket's legs. McGucket picked him up and carried him out, petting him gently.  
  
“Nice to see he didn't freak out when he saw him. I guess after the Gobblewonker and the dinos, he's adjusted to the weird.” Bill chuckled and walked out with Dipper, Stan and Wendy following.  
  
–  
  
Tad noticed a knock on his door and promptly changed into his human disguise before going to answer it. “Hello! Oh! Bill!”  
  
“Hey, Tad.” Bill rubbed at his arm. “...Can we talk?”  
  
“Sure. I've got banana bread, if Dipper wants some.” Tad smiled at him.  
  
“Mm, yum!” Dipper ran in and sat at the table.  
  
“What's the problem?” Tad asked as he closed the door. “Has Kryptos done something again? If he has, I'll--”  
  
“No...yes...it's...he did it years ago, long before we both came here. He...” Bill glanced to the side. “...Can we...talk in the bedroom, maybe? Somewhere private?”  
  
“Of course.” Tad led him to the bedroom and closed the door behind them, changing into his humanoid demonic form. “What's happened?”  
  
“He took advantage of me being drunk and...he said I seduced him, but I don't really know. I can't remember...and the pictures he has show me awake, so it's not like I was knocked out...but I was _drunk_ , so it wasn't exactly consent, was it?” Bill looked at him desperately.  
  
“Pictures? Consent? What?” Tad frowned. “When was this?”  
  
“We were using these forms for the first time, and there was a party. I had Space Punch for the first time--”  
  
“I hate that stuff.” Tad cringed. “Sorry, continue.”  
  
Bill sighed. “I had Space Punch for the first time and it...really hit me. And when I woke up the next morning, my old coat was ripped like it was torn off in a hurry, I had marks and scratches on my body in awkward places, and Kryptos had pictures and was telling me how _good_ I was in bed and...and..”  
  
Tad noticed his eye turning blue and pulled him close, hugging him gently. “Oh, Cipher, you poor child. I knew that Kryptos had gotten in with a bad crowd, but to do something so despicable...”  
  
“I was going to kick him out of the group...not sure how he learned, one of the others must've told him, and he conspired to get blackmail material. I can't kill him or the pictures will be sent out like event flyers on the streets upon his death and if I kicked him out he would've done it himself.” Bill said, gripping Tad's arms shakily. “He got me.”  
  
Tad gently rubbed his head and sighed. “I can't undo what's been done...but I will go and kick his butt for you. He needs a good butt-kicking every other week, I swear.” He chuckled.  
  
“...Can I watch?” Bill asked, looking up at him.  
  
“Of course, you can have front-row seats. We'll do it on that stage he tried to destroy.” Tad smiled. “There, no more blue eye. I thought that might cheer you up. Would you like some bread?”  
  
Bill nodded, wiping at his eye. “Thanks. I just...I really needed to talk to someone, but I couldn't trust anyone in my group, I don't know who betrayed me to him...”  
  
Tad nodded. “Well, they are all seasoned criminals. They probably did it just to see what would happen, whoever it was.”  
  
Bill sighed heavily. “I should've never won Globnar for them...”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tad is really mad at his cousin, but he's very good at being angry with a smile.


	92. Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soos doesn't celebrate his birthday, but Mabel still wants to celebrate it! Unfortunately, the Time Cops return with other plans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Hey, why is this date completely blacked out on the calendar?” Bill asked, poking at it.  
  
“Oh, that's because it's Soos' birthday, but he doesn't celebrate it.” Wendy explained.  
  
“Whaaaat? Why not?” Mabel asked.  
  
“He has his reasons.” Stan said gruffly, rubbing at his shoulder. He had a suspicious burn on his shoulder, but it didn't look like it had been caused by fire. More like lightning?  
  
“Like what?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Shooting Star, maybe it's best not to ask.” Bill told her.  
  
“I'm gonna ask him.” Mabel nodded. “It doesn't make sense not to celebrate the day you were born!”  
  
“Makes sense to me.” Bill shrugged. “I've never celebrated it, either. Well, not for many, many years.”  
  
“We'll have to throw a party for you, too.” Mabel nodded firmly.  
  
“Mabel, don't. Just don't.” Stan sighed. “If you want to do something nice for him, take him to the arcade or something but don't tell him it's for his birthday.”  
  
“We can pay a visit to Rumble and Giffany!” Dipper said happily.  
  
“Or you could take him to Laser Tag. That's always fun.” Wendy suggested.  
  
“Laser Tag?” Bill gaped at her. “With LASERS?!”  
  
“It's just lights, don't worry.” Gideon assured him as he finished braiding Mabel's hair for her. “It's actually rather fun, the few times I've gone.”  
  
“So...just lights. Okay.” Bill nodded.  
  
“Enough talk. If everyone's done eating, it's time to open up shop!” Stan walked out of the room.  
  
“So, it's decided. Laser Tag on his birthday, and we'll coincidentally go out to eat and order some cake afterwards.” Mabel nodded.  
  
“Father's going to the hospital that day, and mother and I are accompanying him. He's...not doing so well.” Gideon said, sighing. “But, let me know how it goes, okay?”  
  
“We'll save you some cake.” Mabel kissed him lightly and Gideon blushed pink.  
  
“Mabel, gross!” Dipper made a face.  
  
Mabel grinned at him and went out to the shop. “Come on, Gideon, let's open up shop! Bill, did you feed the lizards?”  
  
“Yes, I fed the lizards.” Bill replied.  
  
\--  


“This is real nice of you guys.” Soos said as they entered the Laser Tag building. “I haven't done this in years!”  
  
“I haven't done it in ever!” Dipper said cheerfully.  
  
“Well, you're in for a treat!” Soos laughed.  
  
“Let's pay and suit up.” Mabel went to the desk.  
  
Bill looked around. “Okay...seems safe enough, if they're letting kids play.”  
  
“It's perfectly safe.” Wendy assured hm, walking over to look at pictures displaying kids playing the game.  
  
“I guess I'll see for myself. My experience with lasers isn't safe, but it does look fun.”

“Okay, let's go in!” Mabel said excitedly.

They went inside and suited up before being let in. It was dimly-lit and foggy inside, and Bill could feel all his senses being ambushed at once. He felt greatly unnerved, but then he heard a sound that made him grab Dipper and Mabel and duck around a corner.  
  
“Bill, what--” Mabel started, but Bill covered her mouth and looked out cautiously. Just as he feared, Time Cops were walking around in the fog, searching for something – or someone. What did they want?  
  
“Targets spotted, prepare to apprehend.”  
  
Targets? Plural? Who were they looking for? They were coming his way, but—OH!  
  
“You two are coming with us.” One of them said to Mabel, who had looked out at them.  
  
“Uh, no? You're strangers.” Mabel said, crossing her arms over her chest.  
  
“Are you resisting arrest?” One of them asked aggressively.  
  
“Arrest? For what? Are you a cop?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Don't act like you don't know--”  
  
“Ah, officer! I'm going to have to step in here. These two have no recollection of their previous encounter with your honorable forces.” Bill said, walking over to them. “Their memories were wiped after the incident occurred, you may find if you look in their file.”  
  
“Is that right? Let me contact headquarters.” One of them said, opening a gauntlet to reveal a screen.  
  
“Buzz Lightyear!” Dipper gasped.  
  
“You look familiar...” The other Time Cop said, narrowing his eyes at Bill.  
  
“I do have a bit of a record...I've reformed, though. Now, what are you here for? The Time Cops decided it wasn't worth pursuing, the one in the wrong was the Time Cop Blendin.” Bill asked.  
  
“Blendin has challenged them to Globnar to regain his honor.” The Cop replied.  
  
“G-GLOBNAR?! These kids?! No, there must be a mistake!” Bill insisted.  
  
“There is no mistake. They must compete against him in Globnar.” The Cop replied.  
  
“Globnar? You've mentioned that before.” Dipper commented.  
  
Bill sighed. “Globnar is a multiverse gladiator ring. The winner gets a Time Wish and can order the death of their opponent. It's a brutal event.”  
  
“But, we're just kids!” Mabel cried.  
  
“There are no exceptions for Globnar.” The Time Cop replied coldly.  
  
Bill pursed his lips tightly, thinking. “Allow me to assist them. I have been through Globnar before, I know what to expect. And I...I was the one who pointed out the Time Cop in the first place. If anyone should battle him for his honor, it's me.”  
  
The Time Cop looked at the other one. “Was there someone else?”  
  
“There was a pig. Wait, there was a powerful energy entity in the boy's backpack.” The other one nodded. “Story checks out. Let's transport them all, Time Baby will determine their fate.”  
  
“Will you restore their memories, too?” Bill asked.  
  
“Yes, we will. Hold still, we have to scan you.” The cops aimed their gauntlets at them and a light shone on the trio. Then they pushed a button and there was a flash of bright light. When they could see again, they were in a strange room, with a large window looking out at an arena.  
  
“Where are we?” Dipper asked,  
  
Bill sighed, “Pine Tree, Shooting Star, welcome to the Multiverse. Destination: Globnar.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bill really doesn't want these kids to participate in Globnar.
> 
> ((Edit! I made a picture based on the final scene on chapter 91! http://zonerobotnik.tumblr.com/post/160533376252/based-on-the-final-scene-of-chapter-91-of-my-fic ))


	93. I Know You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kidnapped to Globnar, the kids remember their adventure through time and prepare to battle Blendin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Wait...WE'RE IN SPACE?!” Dipper exclaimed.  
  
“Yes, Pine Tree, we're in space. Can you guys give them back their memories already?” Bill looked at the cops.  
  
“Oh, right, yeah. That's kind of important.” They nodded and aimed their gauntlets at Dipper and Mabel, a ray coming out of it and hitting their foreheads.  
  
“Am I going to get all scrambled?” Dipper asked as it hit them.  
  
“Ah!” Mabel held her head and then Dipper did the same as the ray stopped and the memories started to fit back into place. “Ohh...ow...oh....right! Time Travel!” She looked at Dipper. “I never grounded you for that!”  
  
“You forgot!” Dipper shrugged.  
  
“Yeah, well now you have to deal with more than being grounded.” Bill sighed.  
  
“Finally!” Blendin entered through the wall. “We've been waiting! I will regain my honor and reputation!”  
  
“What reputation? For being a loser?” One of the cops murmured to the other. The other cop chuckled.  
  
Blendin made an infuriated noise, almost sounding like a whistling kettle. “Stop. Laughing. At. Me!”  
  
“SILENCE!”  
  
“Uh oh.” Bill cringed.  
  
“It's time.” Blendin said eagerly.  
  
“We're going to fight? For what?” Dipper asked. “All I wanted was to see dinosaurs!”  
  
“Funny thing about that.” Bill remarked.  
  
“Yeah, we ended up with dinosaurs anyway.” Mabel shrugged.  
  
“Enough talking, Time Baby awaits!” Blendin said as the window opened up and they were let out onto the field.  
  
Bill bit his lip as they stepped out into the view of the millions of people watching Globnar. He quickly glanced around, but didn't see anyone he knew. Why would they be here, anyway? They wouldn't. They were _avoiding_ Time Baby. Not to mention that everyone that attends this thing were all rich, powerful, and in government positions. They wouldn't recognize him in this form.

“You took your time. I was about to settle down for a nap from waiting so long!” Time Baby declared.  
  
“Whoa...that's a big baby.” Dipper whispered.  
  
“Time Baby, hey!” Bill greeted. “Look, this is all just an honest mistake. They're just kids, can't you let them go?”  
  
Time Baby turned his attention to Bill and held up a hand, lifting Bill into the air. “You look familiar...”  
  
'Pleasedon'tratmeoutpleasedon'tratmeoutpleasedon'tratmeout' Bill thought helplessly. “Well, uh, we HAVE met. I'd love to talk to you more about it, but, uh...” He glanced to the side. “The... _audience_ makes me reluctant.”  
  
Time Baby stared at him, then held up a hand. “You are all dismissed for the moment. You will be told when Globnar is starting.”  
  
The audience got up and walked out, not even a word of complaint. Bill fidgeted with his coat nervously as the stands cleared out. “Uhm...thanks.” He finally managed once they were all gone.  
  
“Who ARE you?” Time Baby asked.  
  
“Uhm...turn me around.” Bill suggested.  
  
Time Baby did and then gasped, dropping Bill in surprise. “Bill Cipher? How did you escape?!”  
  
“It's not really me!” Bill got up and dusted himself off. “I mean, it IS me, but not quite. And I've reformed, I promise. Tad Strange could vouch for me!”  
  
“Tad Strange?” Time Baby seemed to consider this. “Very well, I will believe you until I find out otherwise. You will be closely watched henceforth.”  
  
“I understand.” Bill nodded.  
  
“Now, you are here at Globnar again with these children?” Time Baby looked at the Pines. “You of course know that if your team is to win, then you are not allowed a Time Wish. They may have one, but you are not allowed and you can not decide what happens with it. You are not to even touch it. Is that understood?”  
  
“I understand.” Bill nodded again.  
  
“Good. Then you are all three going to battle against Blendin Blenjamin Blandin. I'm going to call in the spectators again and then we will start. Be ready.” He held up a hand and someone went to get the audience back.  
  
“Can you, maybe, refrain from saying my name?” Bill asked after the guy walked off.  
  
“The Pines are the ones in charge of the team, and we will refer to them as such.” Blendin replied. “It might be best if you remove your coat, though. They might recognize it.”  
  
Bill breathed a sigh of relief and took off his coat, handing it to a guard. “Thank you, Your Babyness.”  
  
The spectators all gathered and sat down and the tournament begin, the guards disappearing into the shadows out of sight with Bill's coat.  
  
A cloaked figure looked out at the tournament with narrowed eyes, as if trying to comprehend what they were seeing.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time Baby is rather suspicious of Bill's presence here, for good reason.
> 
> ((A/N: I forgot to include the eye on the back of his coat when I posted that picture, so I will be sure to include it when I remake the picture now that I have found reference for the pose and angle I actually wanted to do. Stay tuned for the link!))


	94. Globnar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill is determined to make sure these kids win.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

The games ranged from highly dangerous to actually kind of fun. Bill took charge during the dangerous ones , talking strategy with Dipper and Mabel and leading the way through the holographic terrain, and Mabel took control for the easier things. They were pretty good against Blendin, and their opponent was growing increasingly frustrated as the crowd watched in earnest.

“Okay, looks like we're on a dangerous one again.” Bill said, looking around as the terrain changed once more.  
  
“What do we have to do?” Mabel asked.  
  
“...Race, it looks like.” Bill pointed to a long pole over a lake of lava, another one identical to it. “We all have to cross this thing. If even one of us slips, we all lose this round. Just like other ones.” He looked at Blendin, who was waiting for them to finish talking. “Okay, here's what we're gonna do. I'll go first, and then Shooting Star can hold onto my shirt while Pine Tree does the same with her sweater. And remember, balance.”

“Stan's gonna freak out when we tell him about this.” Dipper said, looking at the pole.  
  
“Stan? Hell, _Gideon_ is going to insist you don't go anywhere without him anymore because you get into trouble whenever you do.” Bill chuckled.  
  
“Racers ready?” The referee asked. They quickly moved to the pole as Blendin did the same. “Go!”

It was easier to talk about it than do it. It was hot underneath, and Mabel and Dipper kept looking down nervously. Bill focused his gaze on ahead of him, listening to closely to his teammates. They managed to keep up a pretty good pace, though Blendin was already ahead of them.  
  
“We're gonna lose at this rate. Alright, time for a change in strategy! Shooting Star, Pine Tree, grab my hands! And hang on tight.”  
  
“Huh?” They looked at his extended hands and took them.  
  
Bill held onto their hands tightly and swung them forward, pulling them both close to his chest before he took to a run. “Hang on tight, this is gonna be a bumpy ride!”  
  
“Is that legal?” One of Time Baby's attendants asked.  
  
“Considering we don't normally have groups against one person, I'll allow it.” Time Baby said, shaking his rattle lazily.  
  
“Okay, then. Team Pines is allowed to continue!” The attendant nodded.  
  
“Not like I was gonna stop anyway.” Bill muttered as he reached the end of the pole and stepped onto safe, dry ground. Blendin reached the end of his pole a a couple minutes later, while Bill was setting the kids down and rolling his shoulders and stretching out his arms.  
  
“I was so close!” Blendin pouted. “Time-dangit!”  
  
“What's next?” Mabel asked.  
  
The hologram changed around them and a single table appeared with two chairs. On the table was a board game, which Bill knew very well.  
  
“...Space Chess.” He sighed.  
  
“What's the difference between it and regular chess?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Different rules. A coin is flipped to decide who goes first, for one thing. I'll take this one, kids.” He walked over and sat down in one of the chairs, Blendin taking the other one.  
  
“Flip the coin.” Time Baby said, and an attendant did so. “Call it.”  
  
“Heads.” Bill said.  
  
“Ohh, I wanted heads. Fine, Tails.” Blendin fumed.  
  
The attendant moved their hand. “Heads, Team Pines moves first.” Time Baby declared. “Proceed with the game.”  
  
Dipper and Mabel held hands nervously, watching Bill make his first move.  
  
–  
  
The audience was at the edge of their seats, most of them pushing others forward to see better. The cloaked figure was one of the ones pushed forward and he bit back an angry response, instead focusing on the event below.  
  
Blendin was struggling, it was clear. It seemed logic was not his strong seat, meanwhile the representative of Team Pines seemed to be in his element, planning moves to counter before Blendin had even made his move.  
  
As the battle waged on, pieces were knocked off of the board, either in frustration at losing them or a casual flick of the fingers. The cloaked figure turned his attention to the screen up above, which displayed the overall score so far. At the moment, they were at a tie. This would be the deciding game, the answer to who would get the Time Wish, and who would be at the other's mercy.  
  
“You seem intrigued, human.” The nobleman next to him said in a cheerful tone. “I take it you enjoy watching Globnar? Shall I bring you more often?”  
  
“It is a fascinating experience.” He said, his quiet voice echoing a bit from the universal translator he wore. “But, I don't know if it's something I would watch often.”  
  
“It is up to you.” The nobleman focused on the game again.  
  
–  
  
Bill watched Blendin's pieces silently, running all the possibilities through his head. Blendin seemed completely undecided, he would grab one piece, then release it and then grab another and then do the same...Cosmos, he really hoped they were put back at the point in time they were taken from. He wanted to have FUN.  
  
Finally Blendin made a move, a stupid one, and Bill boredly picked up one of his pieces and moved it, flicking off the defeated piece as he did. “You know, you might be less embarrassed if you just forfeit. Everyone can see you don't know how to play.”  
  
Blendin fumed. “I will not be goaded by you!”  
  
“I'm trying to save you.” Bill sighed. “Your move. Again.” He glanced at the giant hourglass, wondering which would run out first; Blendin's pieces or the sand in the hourglass? He might try to enjoy this, if it posed a challenge. There were audience members dozing in their seats, that's how long this one had gone on. The guards had given Dipper and Mabel chairs to sit in because they'd been standing so long their legs hurt.  
  
“I know, don't rush me!” Blendin whined, looking over his pieces.  
  
“GET IT OVER WITH, COME ON!” An audience member yelled.  
  
“FORGET THE GAME, JUST BEAT EACH OTHER UP!” Another yelled.  
  
“SILENCE!” Time Baby declared. “THE GAME WILL CONTINUE AS PLANNED!”  
  
The audience quieted down and they were back to watching the clock and Blendin. Bill sighed heavily and leaned back in his chair, waiting for him to make his move. How long had they been here now? How many games? Ugh, it was even more annoying the second time around. At least he was doing it for people he actually cared about, and they weren't criminals this time.  
  
Blendin finally made a despairing noise and sat back in his chair. “Ffffffine! I forfeit! Do with me what you will!”  
  
“You don't have to be so dramatic about it.” Bill said as they both stood up.  
  
“He forfeits?” Time Baby asked the attendant.  
  
“Yes, Time Baby.” The attendant nodded.  
  
“Finally.” He muttered, then spoke loudly for all to hear. “TEAM PINES IS DECLARED THE WINNER! LET THE FATE OF THE LOSER BE DECIDED!”  
  
The kids got off their chairs and they joined Bill and Blendin. Time Baby moved closer to them as the audience watched with bated breath. “WHAT SHALL HAPPEN TO THE LOSER? DEATH? OR LIFE?”  
  
“Uh, how about living happily with no one picking on him? And also, let's give him some hair.” Mabel suggested. “I don't want him to die.”  
  
“I second that!” Dipper nodded.  
  
“Whaaaa?” Blendin stared at them in disbelief as a few audience members went “aww” in disappointment. A few got up and left after hearing no one would die. “Why? I forced you into this!”  
  
“Because we did do bad.” Mabel took her brother's hand. “We didn't give back your time machine and we went all over the place and caused a mess. But, now we've got everything resolved, and we can all go on with our lives!”  
  
“Yeah, go on and live some. Progress in your goals, improve in Space Chess.” Bill shrugged.  
  
“Very well. Henceforth, Bledin Blenjamin Blandin will live happily with no one picking on him.” Time Baby declared, and then an attendant brought over a glowing ball with an hourglass symbol on it as hair formed on Blendin's head. “Your prize, a Time Wish. What will you wish for?”  
  
“Uhm...can we give it to someone else?” Mabel asked.  
  
“What?” Blendin asked.  
  
“See, our friend is having a birthday today, and he's been so sad on his previous ones. I thought maybe having the ability to have any wish come true would cheer him up.” Mabel explained.  
  
“Very well. It is your Time Wish to do with as you please. HOWEVER.” He gave Bill a pointed look. “NO super-powers, NO all-knowledge of the universe, and NO setting violent criminals free!”  
  
Bill glanced to the side awkwardly.  
  
“Don't worry, he's not going to do that.” Mabel assured him. “Thank you, Your Babyness.”  
  
“Yeah, it was fun!” Dipper smiled.  
  
“Hm.” He moved back a bit. “I DECLARE GLOBNAR COMPLETED! EVERYONE IS DISMISSED!” He looked at the group. “And you will be returned to your own time, after I have spoken to you in private.”  
  
The audience got up and left, clearing out the stands. Bill accepted his coat from the guard and put it back on, feeling a bit more at ease now that he was wearing it again. He didn't let on, but he didn't feel safe without it.  
  
“There will be a Time Cop stationed in your town.” Time Baby told them. “Blendin, you already know it well. I order you to go.”  
  
“I-I'm back on the force?” Blendin asked.  
  
“Yes, you are back on the force. And you have a mission. I expect full reports on Bill Cipher's actions every week.” Time Baby said firmly. “Take them back to their time.”

“Yes, sir!” Blendin smiled and ran a hand through his new hair before going to stand where the other guards could transport them all back.  
  
“Oh! The gear?” Mabel asked.  
  
“It will be back on you when you return.” Time Baby assured her. “And now, I'm going to have my nap.” He leaned back in his seat and a mechanical-sounding lullaby started to play.  
  
“Let's go home.” Bill smiled and took their hands.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No death? BOOOOOORING!


	95. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back in their own time, it's time to find Soos!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

As promised, they were returned to the moment they were taken from. Their gear was back on, but Mabel was holding the Time Wish. She tried to get Bill to hold it, but he reminded her he wasn't allowed to.  
  
“So...let's find Question Mark.” Bill looked around through the fog.  
  
“Watch out!” Wendy came out of the fog and fired past them. “Someone almost got you! Don't space out! What's that?” She pointed to the glowing orb in Mabel's arms.  
  
“It's a present for Soos!” Mabel smiled.  
  
“We fought in Globnar! It was amazing!” Dipper said excitedly.  
  
“Uh...huh? I'm gonna need an explanation later. Soos is over there.” She pointed behind her and ran off firing at someone. “And start firing! You're leaving yourselves open!”  
  
Bill shrugged and aimed his gun, firing at different people. “Let's find Question Mark!”  
  
“Soos! Soos, where are you?” Mabel called, heading in the direction Wendy pointed.  
  
–  
  
“It's awfully pretty.” Soos said, looking at the orb as they left the Laser Tag place. “A Time Wish, you said?”  
  
“Yeah!” Mabel nodded. “I don't know why you're so sad on your birthday, but maybe this birthday wish can make everything better!”  
  
“And you fought in...'Globnar' for it?” Soos asked her.  
  
Mabel nodded. “Is it...is it okay? I know you don't like your birthday, Stan told me, so I didn't want to say anything before...”  
  
“No, no! It's great! I just...” Soos looked at the orb. “...I just realized I don't need what I would've wished for. I have youse guys.” He smiled at them.  
  
“What happened to make you so sad?” Dipper asked.  
  
“My dad....he kept promising to come for my birthdays...but he never came. I haven't seen him in so many years...he left my mom and me.” Soos sighed. “I just kept getting postcards apologizing and promising to come 'next year'...so I finally decided to stop celebrating. But, I have just decided that I don't need my real dad to keep me happy on my birthday! I have you all! Let's go have a good birthday!” He pulled them all, even Bill and Wendy, into a tight hug.  
  
“Oof! But, then what are you gonna wish for?” Bill asked.  
  
“Uhm...oh!” Soos released them and then held the orb in his hand. It pulsated and glowed brightly and then changed into...a slice of pizza? “This thing!”  
  
“A slice of pizza?” Bill laughed. “Question Mark, what? We can have pizza for dinner!”  
  
“No, no! It's a never-ending, completely un-expirable slice of pizza!” Soos took a bite and it restored itself. “See? It's perfect!”  
  
Mabel laughed. “Sounds like the perfect gift for sure!”  
  
“Yep! Thanks, guys!” Soos hugged them again.  
  
“Well, what do we want to actually eat for dinner, then? Because I was thinking pizza.” Wendy shrugged.  
  
“Let's take this pizza slice home first.” Soos nodded sagely and headed for his truck.  
  
Blendin came out from behind a garbage can. “He used a Time Wish for THAT?!”  
  
“Yep. Humans, always surprising me.” Bill chuckled.  
  
–  
  
“No.” Stan stared at Blendin with an annoyed expression. “We are running out of rooms here. Soos, can he stay with you?”  
  
“Sure!” Soos said happily.   
  
“Good. And guess what?” Stan wrote something on a sticker and stuck it on Blendin's chest. “If you're going to be hanging around here not buying anything, you're going to work.”  
  
“But--” Blendin looked at the sticker. It had his name written down in marker. “But I—I have to watch him, I can't be away from him!”  
  
“Can't we stick him in the basement? He can hang out with Tyrone.” Bill suggested.  
  
“Bill, we can't just stick random guys in the basement.” Mabel shook her head. “Let him stay in your room!”  
  
“Better idea, let's ask Tad if he can take him!” Bill suggested.  
  
“Can't he get his own place?” Wendy asked.  
  
“But I have to--”  
  
“We heard you, Blendin. Which is, guess what, why it's ideal for you to work here, where Bill is working!” Stan gestured around them. “Come on, whaddaya say? Gideon could use the help, with his dad being in the hospital right now.”  
  
“Well...I guess...I could.” Blendin nodded. “But, I don't have any money from this time period!”  
  
“We'll pay you.” Stan waved it off. “Hey, Bill, the lizards are hungry and you know how to make their food best. Plus, Liam won't take it from anyone but you or Mabel.”  
  
Bill chuckled. “On it.” He walked off to the kitchen.  
  
“Aww, his baby loves him.” Mabel smiled.  
  
“Isn't that your baby, too?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Technically, yeah.” Mabel shrugged.  
  
“Well, I'm gonna head out. It's getting dark.” Wendy looked at Soos. “Hey, cake and stuff tomorrow?”  
  
“Sure!” Soos smiled. “Today was fun, by the way! Thanks!”  
  
Wendy waved and walked out.  
  
“Maybe you should give her a ride.” Stan suggested to him. “I gotta add Blendin to the payroll.”  
  
“Okay!” Soos headed out after Wendy.  
  
“Should we get him a cell-phone?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Doesn't he have something provided by Time Baby or whatever?” Stan asked, heading into the back.  
  
“I don't know if it works for this time.” Blendin admitted. “And I'll need clothes from this time, too...I was not expecting to be seen.”  
  
Bill poked his head in. “Just ask Gideon, he'll get you what you need. He's a master tailor.” He continued on to the waiting hungry dinos and Gobblewonker.  
  
“Gideon?” Blendin asked.  
  
“You'll meet him tomorrow. For now, let's get you a place to sleep. Bill, can't he use the couch in your room?” Mabel asked.  
  
Bill looked over at them with an annoyed expression. “No! Don't we have that one room the wax figures were in? I will not have a COP in my room watching me sleep!”  
  
“It's not exactly equipped for people to sleep in.” Mabel pointed out. “One night, just long enough for us to put a bed in that room. Please?”  
  
Bill groaned and threw up his hands. “Fine! But he better not mess with my stuff! And one night only!”  
  
“He won't. Right?” She looked at Blendin.  
  
“I was told to watch him, not investigate him.” Blendin nodded. “I time-swear not to mess with your things!”  
  
“Fine. I'm busy, can you show him there?” Bill asked.  
  
“Yep. Come on, Blendin.” Mabel headed to the back area.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a good thing the wax figures are gone, or they'd have to build another room!


	96. Broken Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill and Gideon are tired of Wendy and Robbie dragging on their issues and force them to make up. Or else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

The giftshop was full of laughter. “Okay, so tell me what happened next?” Wendy asked, wiping a tear from her eye.  
  
“Well, then Thompson tried to pull him out, but then they BOTH went in!” Lee laughed. “Oh, you should've seen their faces!”  
  
Tambry brought over her phone. “I took pictures.” She said, showing them to her.  
  
“Oh, nice!” Wendy laughed.  
  
Bill looked over their shoulders. “Hey, where's Stitch-Heart?”  
  
“Who?” Wendy looked at him.  
  
“That's his cosmotic nickname for Robbie.” Dipper explained.  
  
“Oh.” Wendy huffed. “Who cares? We stopped hanging out with him after the CD incident.”  
  
“How come I don't have a cosmotic nickname?” Lee asked.  
  
“Because the cosmos thinks your face is dumb.” Bill stuck out his tongue.  
  
“Yeah? Well...your tongue is dumb!” Lee retorted.  
  
Bill rolled his eye. “So, you guys still haven't patched it up? Come on, you humans only have about 90 years to live. Are you really going to throw away years of friendship over one stupid, adolescent mistake?”  
  
“You wouldn't understand.” Wendy sighed heavily.  
  
“Try me.” Bill leaned on the counter. “Why can't you forgive him? Sure he worked with Kryptos and hypnotized you into going to Makeout Point with him, but there are worse things he could've done. And he apologized and feels a lot of remorse over it.”  
  
“So? You think I should just forgive him?” Wendy asked. “Have you forgiven _that_ guy?”  
  
“One, he was NEVER my friend. Two, what he did was a LOT worse.” Bill said firmly. “You have NO idea what he did, only that it was bad. And anyways, Robbie is full of insecurities. He got coerced into that by a demon that was feeding off his misery. Just give him a second chance.”  
  
“Please, do.” Gideon commented, walking over. “He moans and laments and writes bad songs about unrequited love and plays them in the woods and it's annoying. At least go back to being friends so he stops hanging around where I'm trying to meditate.”  
  
“You're not saying this because you care, but because he's bothering you?” Wendy asked.  
  
“If I cared about his feelings for you, I would've said something sooner. I don't care. But he just came to my show and asked if I could look into the future and see if there's any chance of you two getting back together. I told him I read minds and I don't control when visions come to me. He's on the verge of finding some tarot reader because you're just _ignoring_ him. And you took all of his friends with you.” Gideon glanced at them accusingly.  
  
“They're MY friends, too! It's their choice if they want to abandon him for being a creep!” Wendy snapped.  
  
“Sure, unless you told them that you won't have anything to do with them if they're still friends with him.” Gideon said coldly.  
  
“Now, you little--”  
  
“HEY!” Bill snapped, stepping between them and putting out his hands to stop them from advancing towards each other. “Red, Gideon, stand down! BOTH of you! Stitch-Heart needs help, mentally, emotionally, possibly spiritually. Maybe some meditation will do him some good, why don't you try inviting him instead of being annoyed? Red, just because there's some bad blood between you doesn't mean you have to force your friends to choose between one or the other. That's bad. So, here's what we're gonna do. We're gonna talk with Stitch-Heart, as a _group_ , and figure things out and—what the hell are those hot-air balloons out there?”  
  
“Oh! The annual Woodstick festival!” Wendy went to the window. “It's that time of year already?”  
  
“Woodstick? Is that like Woodstock without the drugs?” Bill asked.  
  
“Guys, look at the balloons!” Dipper opened the door and pointed out, then looked back in at them again. “Uh....what's the tense atmosphere that is slowly fading away for?”  
  
“Never mind it, kid. Where's your sister?” Bill asked.  
  
“She's coming.” He walked in and looked at Gideon. “Uhm...why do you look upset? Is it your dad? Is he okay?”  
  
“...Well, no, but that's not why I was upset. Don't worry about it.” Gideon rubbed his head and walked over to greet Mabel as she walked in.  
  
“Bill, you gotta help me make one of those!” Stan walked into the shop. “Come on!”  
  
“A hot-air balloon?” Bill raised an eyebrow.  
  
“Come on, you, Soos and Blendin can help me!” Stan grinned. “I've got the perfect design!”  
  
“And that's our cue to escape.” Wendy said to the teenagers and Mabel.  
  
“Wait, but I wanna come!” Dipper pouted. “Stan, I need Bill!”  
  
“I'll help instead.” Gideon walked over to where Stan had gathered a bunch of cloth and a big basket.   
  
“Thanks, Gid.” Bill smiled and headed off with Dipper after the others.  
  
“...Just try to patch things up between them. They're both miserable like this.” Gideon picked up the diagram for the balloon. “I heart kids...I can't see THIS going wrong.”  
  
“Wait, he's leaving?” Blendin looked over. “But, I need to--”  
  
“Nooo, you're staying. How so?” Stan asked, looking at Blendin to make sure he didn't run off.  
  
“If a few letters fell off, it could be very awkward. How about we just put the shape of a heart instead? Or paint it on the basket.” Gideon suggested.  
  
“Hmm, I guess so.” Stan sighed.  
  
“Actually, if you don't mind changing the shape from your face to instead the Mystery Shack, then we could paint the letters up there...” Gideon turned it around and grabbed a pencil, sketching it out.  
  
“Do we have the materials?” Soos asked.  
  
“We can get them.” Gideon assured him.  
  
–  
  
“Okay, so we're going to try to do this nicely. Civilly.” Bill said to the group. “Any questions?”  
  
“Yeah. Do we REALLY have to do this?” Wendy asked.  
  
“Red, if you do not I promise both Gideon and I will not let you rest. You will have restless sleep and nightmares until you sort this annoyance out. Let's get going.” He turned to the cheery-looking house by the graveyard. “...He lives here?”  
  
“According to the text Gideon sent, yeah.” Mabel checked her phone again.  
  
“But it's so...happy!” Dipper said in bemusement.  
“His parents are undertakers.” Tambry explained.  
  
“...That explains SO MUCH about him. Undertakers are CREEPY.” Bill shuddered.  
  
“How many have you met?” Wendy asked.  
  
“I haven't needed to meet them, just looking at your world shows me they're creepy.” Bill sighed. “Well, let's get this over with. Go on, Red.”  
  
“Me? Why?” Wendy asked. “This was YOUR idea.”  
  
“Because you're the one whose been dragging this on for forever. Time to get over yourself and knock on the door.” Bill nudged her forward.  
  
“Ugh, FINE!” Wendy walked up to the door and knocked on it before stepping back.  
  
“Try the doorbell.” Mabel walked over and pushed the doorbell.  
  
The sound was cheery but also ominous, ringing through the house and audible by the open windows. Then they heard footsteps and a woman opened the door. “Hello! My, what a group! Are you Robbie's friends?”  
  
“Yes, we are. Is he home?” Bill asked.  
  
“Yes, he is! Come on in, I'll call him down!” She walked inside, leaving the door open for them.  
  
The first thing that caught Bill's attention as they all sat down was the body in the clear casket being used as a coffee table. “...Creeeeepy.” He muttered.  
  
“Yeah, we don't come here much.” Thompson said nervously.  
  
They heard the guitar playing upstairs stop and then there was silence before they heard someone coming down the stairs. They looked over and saw Robbie was following his mother, looking like he wanted to be anywhere else.  
  
“Here you are! I'll go get cookies! Oh, does anyone have any _deathly_ allergies?” She asked cheerfully.  
  
“No, ma'am.” Mabel shook her head.  
  
“That's good!” She headed into the kitchen.  
  
“...So...” Robbie sighed. “You're all here.”  
  
“This is an intervention, Stitch-Heart.” Bill said, standing up. “You and Red need to _talk_.”  
  
Robbie looked nervous. “...T-Talk?”  
  
“Yeah. About what happened that night.” Bill extended a hand to him. “I understand that you were at a point of weakness and Kryptos took advantage of it. But, would you have done it if he hadn't?”  
  
Robbie sighed. “I don't...I don't think I would've, no. I was just so...so desperate. She was being so detached by the end of the date, I got the feeling she was going to dump me during the next one so I just didn't go. And that's when I was passing by the playhouse and was offered an...alternative.”  
  
“Which you took.” Wendy pointed out.  
  
“I was afraid of losing you! I love you, Wendy, but you were acting so...so _done_ with me! Like I was just another of the college guys you've dated!” Robbie said desperately. “I was hurt!”  
  
“So you took me to makeout point?!” Wendy snapped.  
  
“Red!” Bill held out a hand. “Calm. Down. I know you're upset, and I know he was a stupid adolescent human guy, but you need to chill, Ice.”  
  
“Ice?” Wendy raised an eyebrow.  
  
“It's your cosmotic symbol. Yeah, you have one. Moving on.” Bill waved it off.  
  
“Anyways, you took me to makeout point. We were going to....to...” Wendy groaned.  
  
“I'm sorry, I was stupid! And that guy suggested I take you there, so I took his advice! I had no idea he was a demon, he seemed so nice!” Robbie cried.  
  
“Yeah, that's Kryptos the Two-Faced Bastard for you.” Bill muttered, then winced when Mabel swatted his arm. “Ow, Star!”  
  
“You _know_ what you did wrong.” Mabel hissed.  
  
“I'm really sorry for what I did.” Robbie lamented. “I swear, if I could redo it all, I'd never work with that guy! I'd never use that CD! And if...if you dumped me, then...well, it'd break my heart, but at least it would be honest!”  
  
“...Fine. I guess I forgive you. But, we're NOT getting back together.” Wendy looked at Bill. “Happy now?”  
  
“Eh, still might pass you a nightmare for your attitude, young lady.” Bill said, raising his brow at her.  
  
“Can we at least go to Woodstick together? All of us?” Mabel asked.  
  
“...Sure.” Wendy sighed.  
  
“Great!” Mabel cheered. “...What is Woodstick, anyway?”  
  
“It's an event where a bunch of indie bands come to play, loads of fun.” Wendy grinned. “You'll like it.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keep your vices usual~!


	97. The Love God

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love is in the air and Gideon is dreading the source.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Ugh, that guy...” Gideon groaned, looking at a poster on display.  
  
“What? Who?” Mabel looked over from the pet shop window.  
  
“The Love God is coming for Woodstick. I better avoid him this year.” Gideon looked away from it.  
  
“The Love God? What, is he a singer?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Singer, guitarist, cupid.” Gideon groaned. “Every time he comes, it's kiss-city around here. People that don't even know each other start to date and are madly in love. It goes against the natural order of attraction, but because he's the literal cupid he doesn't care and is immune to any magical consequences.”  
  
“So...why do you have to avoid him?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Because he annoys me and I hexed him last year. He might still be mad about it.” Gideon shrugged. “He kept telling me that when I got older, he'd 'get me a nice girl'. No thanks, I found my own all by myself, creep.” He made a face.  
  
“Woodstick is this weekend?” Mabel looked at the poster.  
  
“Mmhm. I generally don't go, it tends to get rowdy.” He looked at her. “Why, did you want to go?”  
  
“Wendy and the others are going. I thought it might be fun.” She looked at him. “Why don't you come? You can show me off to The Love God.” She grinned.  
  
He sighed. “I just said I wanted to avoid him, but I'm guessing you want to meet him? I may as well go, if only to protect you from being paired off with someone else by his love potion.”  
  
“Do you think he could find someone for Robbie?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Uh...I think Robbie needs time to recover from his broken heart before he moves on to someone else.” Gideon shook his head.  
  
“But, he's so miserable! He needs someone to love him!” Mabel declared. “I bet I could suggest someone!”  
  
“Mabel, he does not need romance right now. He needs support from his friends and to heal. And using a love potion on him is just asking for trouble. Children born of relationships from love potions are said to be messed up in the head.” Gideon grabbed her arms and turned her to face him. “Promise me that you will not try to convince him to help find Robbie a girlfriend?”  
  
Mabel sighed. “...Does it have to be a promise?”  
  
“Mabel.” Gideon pleaded.  
  
“...Okay, alright. I promise.” She kissed him and then took his hand. “Come on, let's go! We still have to buy that stuff for Stan!”  
  
–  
  
“So, let me get this straight. There is going to be a literal God of Love in town, mating random people together?” Bill groaned. “Why is that even a thing? WHY? What IS it with you one-lifespan creatures and MATING?!”  
  
“When is he getting here?” Tyrone asked. It was a nice day, so he'd volunteered to help with the balloon.  
  
“You'll know when he arrives.” Gideon sighed. “There will be kissing all over the place, worth than Valentine's Day or New Year's Eve.”  
  
“And you hexed him before?” Bill asked. “What'd you do?”  
  
“I...made it so none of his spells or potions had any effect for the rest of the day.” Gideon shrugged.  
  
“Oh boy, that must've pissed him off.” Stan cringed.  
  
“Oh yeah.” Gideon nodded. “He chased me into the woods and the fairies had to chase him out.”  
  
“Does he hold grudges?” Bill asked.  
  
“I'm not sure. He is immortal, though, so who knows?” Gideon sighed. “I suppose I should start off with apologizing for my prank.”  
  
“Whoa. The animals are being real friendly today.” Soos commented, walking over with a toolbox. “Your pig and that goat are cuddling.”  
  
“Waddles and Gompers? A couple? EEEEE!” Mabel squealed with happiness. “I knew it, I knew it!”  
  
Gideon sighed. “He's here.”  
  
A trailer passed by the Shack, decorated in flowers and hearts and the words “The Love God” on the side. It started to drive off down the road, then screeched backwards and parked next to Gideon's trailer. Gideon sighed and walked out to greet his fellow celebrity.  
  
“Gideon! My main man!” The trailer opened and a blonde man came out. “How you doing, little guy? How was your tour?”  
  
“Love God, how pleasant to see you!” Gideon called, walking up to him. “My tour went well, how was yours?”  
  
“Oh, it was fantastic! So many girls falling at my feet! And, you know, lots of love all around.” Love God winked.  
  
“Wow, sounds like business is going great!” Gideon commented.  
  
“Doesn't seem like they hate each other.” Bill commented.  
  
“Oh, that's the overly-pleasant attitude Gideon used to give me all the time when we were rivals.” Stan assured Bill. “They hate each other.”  
  
“So, I see you moved to your rival's place.” Love God gestured around. “The dinos yours or his?”  
  
“Both. We combined.” Gideon explained. “I'm dating his niece.”  
  
“Well, shoot me down! Li'l Gideon's got a GIRL? Let me see this girl!” Love God said excitedly.  
  
“Before I do, I wanted to say something.” Gideon took a deep breath and then released it. “I'm sorry about hexing you last year. It was out of line.”  
  
“Ah, what's one day of _not doing my job_?” Love God shrugged and threw his arms out before wrapping them around Gideon in a tight hug. “All is forgiven, baby! Now let me meet your girl!”  
  
“Okay, okay, let me go!” Gideon squirmed in his arms.  
  
“Are you sure?” Bill asked Stan as Gideon and Love God started to head for the group by the balloon.  
  
“Huh. Maybe they get along more than I thought.” Stan shrugged and went back to sewing.  
  
Gideon walked up to them. “Mabel, Stan, Dipper, Tyrone, Bill, Jesus, this is The Love God.” He gestured to him. “Love God, this is my girlfriend, Mabel, and her family.”  
  
“Well, now! Aren't you a pretty little thing!” He smiled at Mabel. “A good match for Gideon, foooor sure!”  
  
“Hi, I'm Mabel!” Mabel got up and held out a hand. “And this is my little brother Dipper!”  
  
“Hi!” Dipper waved.  
  
“Stan, I must say that the place looks GREAT compared to last year! So many amazing new attractions! And are those dinos REAL?” Love God pointed to them.  
  
“Yep, they're real. We found them underground, after their mom stole Mabel's pig. We couldn't leave it to die, so in we went after it! And we ended up with these things imprinting on Mabel and Bill.” Stan shrugged.  
  
“So, who are you?” Love God looked at Bill, squinting a bit. “You're...not of this world, are you?”  
  
“Nope, I'm not.” Bill grinned. “Good guess. I'm Bill.” He held out a hand. “I'm the official nanny of these kids.”  
  
“Yo, Love God!” A man came out of the trailer. “We gotta get down there and set up! Come on!”  
  
“I'm with my man Gideon and his girlfriend! Start without me!” Love God called over his shoulder.  
  
The other man threw his hands in the air and got back in the trailer. Gideon had to hide his disappointed look behind a cough, concealing it with his arm.  
  
“Well, now that they're leaving, what do you have going on here? Mind if I help?” Love God asked enthusiastically.  
  
“I'm going inside for some water.” Gideon used his powers to force Love God to loosen his grip on his shoulder and headed inside. Dipper got up and followed, coming in just in time to see Gideon grab the nearest pillow and scream into it.  
  
“...You okay?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Don't be fooled by his outward appearances, he's acting super-nice to me to get back at me. He's going to _not leave me alone_ his whole time here, and he's made that very clear.” Gideon set down the pillow and sighed. “I won't be able to do my act, because he'll want to join me for it. The only reason he didn't follow me in is because he's talking with Mabel.”  
  
“Well, everyone will be at Woodstick anyway.” Dipper shrugged. “Do you need a hug?”  
  
“Mm...yes, as long as it's not from him again. I swear, I felt my bones grind.” He turned to Dipper and opened his arms for a hug, which Dipper went into happily.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All is forgiven! ...Right?


	98. Beauty of Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love God is raring to work some magic and Mabel is eager to help! But Gideon says that the cherub's goal is much darker than he lets on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“I'm sorry, I'm going to have to shake my head at this.” Bill sighed heavily.  
  
“At what?” Love God asked. “Two hearts in love?”  
  
“The PIG and the GOAT are FUCKING!” Bill gestured to what they were looking at.  
  
“Beauty of nature.” Love God nodded with a smile.  
  
“No! Not nature! If nature wanted goats and pigs to fuck, they would fuck!” Bill turned to him. “WHY would you DO this?! What is WRONG with you?! Pigs fuck pigs, goats fuck goats! This is wrong!” Bill turned and walked away. “All wrong!”  
  
Love God shrugged and followed him. “Well, hey, I just spurred on their budding romance. _They_ decided to mate.”  
  
“You know, why don't you shut your mouth for the next...TEN MINUTES. It's no wonder Gideon went inside to get away from you, you're nauseating to listen to!” Bill put his hands over his ears.  
  
“Now, friend, surely I can change your mind about all this? Isn't there someone you like? I could help you.” Love God suggested.  
  
“One, don't call me friend, I'm not your friend, we are not friends. Two, if I wanted to flirt with someone, I'd do it! I'm not in the dating game right now, so leave me alone!” Bill glared at him.  
  
“Bill, be nicer to our guest!” Mabel came out holding a plate of cookies. “Have some cookies, Love God?”  
  
Bill made a face and walked past her. “Don't feed him, he'll never leave!” He hissed as he went in.  
  
“Your friend doesn't seem to like me.” Love God remarked, taking a cookie.  
  
“Yeah, he's really iffy about people messing with his love life.” Mabel said, taking one off the plate and biting into it.  
  
“So, girl, what's the gossip? Anyone getting hitched?” Love God asked, nudging her with a wink.  
  
“Well, no one's getting married, but we have had so much development in the love department!” Mabel said cheerfully. “Stan's dating Susan, I'm dating Gideon, Waddles and Gompers are dating, We even have two AIs happily in love! It's all good in the—oh. Oh, right.” She looked at her cookie. “We have a broken heart here.”  
  
“No! Who is it?” Love God asked.  
  
“It's Robbie. He made a mistake, sided with someone bad and got influenced to do something horrible and now the girl of his dreams hates him!” Mabel sighed. “I just want him to be happy.”  
  
“Poor guy.” Love God nodded.  
  
“Gideon says he doesn't need romance, he needs time to heal, but what's a better healing salve than love?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Gideon's a child, he doesn't understand how important love is.” Love God shrugged it off. “You and I, though, we understand. What kind of gals does this Robbie guy like?”  
  
“Well, his last girlfriend was a tough girl that took no nonsense.” Mabel shrugged. “I don't really know his tastes, to be honest.”  
  
“No problem, no problem! Just let me talk to him, I'll figure out what he needs.” Love God winked.  
  
“You're going to help him?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Sure! Point me to this kid, I'll help him find love at Woodstick!” Love God proclaimed.  
  
Well....TECHNICALLY she didn't break her promise, since Love God had come up with it on his own? She was just making small talk. “Okay!” Mabel smiled. “I'll help you find him so you can heal him with love!”

 –

 "No.” Bill shook his head.  
  
“Come on, everyone else is dressing up for it.” Mabel coaxed.  
  
“I'm not changing into that....thing.” Bill pointed to the hippy-like clothes Mabel had laid out for him.  
  
“It'll be fuuuun.” Mabel grinned. “Come on, Dipper's dressing up!”  
  
“Pine Tree dressing up does not give me reason to humiliate myself in that. Gideon's not wearing it, is he?” Bill pointed out.  
  
“Well...no. He said that he has to keep up an image.” Mabel sighed. “But, at least he's agreeing to one of the scarves! Please?”  
  
Bill groaned. “Fine. I'll wear this thing.” He picked up the headband.  
  
“At least try on the rest?” Mabel asked. “I tailored it for you!”  
  
“I--”  
  
“You may as well give in, Cipher.” Tad commented from the corner of the room. “She's not giving in until you at least try it on.”  
  
“Just because you're willing to wear it, doesn't mean I will.” Bill glanced at him. The hippy outfit looked really weird on Tad's human disguise. It might look better on his demonic form. “Why are you still in the room, anyway?”  
  
“I thought it might be amusing to watch. Besides, either I watch or Blendin does.” Tad glanced at the door.  
  
“....Fine.” Bill sighed heavily and took off his coat and gloves, setting it to the side. “Shooting Star, go to the door and turn around. No peeking.”  
  
“Yes~!” Mabel walked over and looked at the wooden door.  
  
“The things I do for these kids.” Bill grumbled as he unbuttoned his shirt. “It's way too colorful. Won't match my skintone at all.”  
  
“It may look better than you think it will.” Tad shrugged.  
  
“Where's Pine Tree?” Bill looked around.  
  
“He's outside the door waiting, don't worry.” Tad assured him.  
  
“I just don't want him to be alone with that cherub guy.” Bill set his shirt to the side with his coat and gloves.  
  
“Love God already went to Woodstick ahead of us.” Mabel told him. “And why don't you like him? He's a nice guy!”  
  
“He's a creep.” Bill huffed. “A two-faced creep!”  
  
“Oh, you're just mad because he tried to get you to agree to a pair-up.” Mabel rolled her eyes. “Are you done yet?”  
  
“These pants are dumb.” Bill said as he pulled them on. “Colorful and dumb. Can't I just wear my black ones? And what the hell are these? Moccasins? Do I look like a moccasins guy?”  
  
Mabel sighed heavily and fiddled with a bead on her skirt. “Well, gold and black all the time is boring so...there!”  
  
“At least it matches my skin better than this stuff.” Bill sighed. “I suppose I should be grateful that you used dark orange instead of pink.”  
  
“Come on, Bill, would it hurt you to add a little _color_ to your life?!” Mabel asked.  
  
Tad sucked in his breath and glanced at Bill nervously. Bill was silent as he finished dressing and then he looked over his shoulder at her. “Well, it certainly hurt the rest of my dimension.”  
  
“Uh...” Mabel wasn't sure if she wanted to turn around and see his expression with the dangerous tone he just used.  
  
“Well, look at that! It actually looks pretty good on you!” Tad said, standing up.  
  
Bill sighed. “Yeah, I guess it does.” He looked at his outfit and then grabbed his coat, pulling it on over it. “I'll leave it unfastened, but there's no way in heck that I'm not wearing my coat.”  
  
“So, you'll wear it tonight?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Sure, why not. I did the Halloween thing with you.” Bill shrugged.  
  
“You didn't wear your coat then.” Mabel pointed out.  
  
“I didn't know Kryptos was in town then. And we didn't have Love God hanging around.” Bill grumbled.  
  
“What's the difference?” Tad asked.  
  
“They're both actual threats.” Bill fastened one of the buttons to keep his coat on and then turned to the door. “I guess I'm ready to go.”  
  
“Wait, can you take off the coat for just a bit? We're going to snap a picture!” Mabel said excitedly.  
  
“Eh....fine.” Bill sighed.  
  
“Everyone gather in the living room!” She opened the door and headed out. She found Gideon standing by the front door looking apprehensive. “Gideon, we're going to take a picture before we go.”  
  
“There's disaster in the air, I can feel it. The balance of nature is shifting against its will and screaming as minds and hearts are twisted in different ways.” Gideon said grimly. “It's happening again.”  
  
“What is?” Mabel asked.  
  
“The people of this town have forgotten it, big day for the Society, but the last time he came through there were broken hearts, families torn apart, people falling in love at first sight with the wrong people, children kissing adults...Love God is not human, he thinks of humans as playthings and doesn't even care about what happens to them when he leaves.” Gideon looked at her. “I hexed him, not as a prank, but to stop him from tearing my town apart. And now he's back to do it again and I'll have to hex him again. Luckily I don't have to ask for the Stone of Aphrodite to be sent to me this time. I can catch him before he does anything major.”  
  
“What's the Stone of Aphrodite?” Dipper asked curiously as he and Bill joined them.  
  
“The Stone of Aphrodite is a magical stone that is directly connected to the Goddess Aphrodite. Only she can cancel out a cherub's powers, which is why I needed the stone to stop him.” Gideon explained. “I'd hoped I wouldn't have to use it, so I don't have it on me...”  
  
Mabel glanced to the side. “...Gideon, I have to tell you something. He asked me about the gossip and who was in love with who and stuff and before I knew it I had told him about Robbie and he declared he was going to help him. I-Is that bad?”  
  
“Very.” Gideon sighed. “I'm not mad at you, though. He has a way of getting information he wants. I need you all to buy me some time, distract him or something so he can't start performing. I have to hurry home and get the Stone of Aphrodite.”  
  
“So, uh...so we have time for a picture?” Mabel asked.  
  
Gideon nodded. “If we do it quick.”  
  
“Okay! Everyone gather!” Mabel called.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SAVE ROBBIE!


	99. Bad God

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a race against time to stop Love God from creating absolute mayhem!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

Gideon headed off to find the Stone of Aphrodite while everyone else got in Thompson's van and headed down to Woodstick. “So, you think what Gideon said was true?” Wendy asked as they drove down.  
  
“I don't know, he looked pretty freaked out so...probably?” Mabel looked around. “Robbie didn't come for the photoshoot...or the ride down. Is he going on his own? We have to find him.”  
  
“Why, so Robbie doesn't end up kissing a goat?” Lee asked.  
  
“Or the Gobblewonker!” Nate laughed.  
  
“You guys are terrible friends.” Bill remarked.  
  
“Ah, friends do this all the time!” Wendy assured him. “We don't mean any harm!”  
  
“Sure... _you_ guys might not...” Bill mumbled, glancing out the window. He couldn't help but think about his own “friends” out in the Multiverse and how they treated each other. Then again, maybe it was normal for their kind? He hadn't exactly been in the multiverse long before he met them...  
  
“Can someone call him? Maybe tell him Gideon saw a vision of danger at the festival?” Wendy asked.  
  
“Vision?” Mabel looked at her.  
  
“No, he wouldn't believe us. He'd hear it from Gideon first if it directly involved him.” Lee shook his head.  
  
“What are you talking about?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Oh, he sometimes has actual visions of the future.” Wendy explained. “It's one of the few things the Society has never tampered with. Actually, they didn't ever really tamper with memories related to Gideon.”   
  
“That's because Bud couldn't risk people losing favor with him or forgetting how much they love him. Besides, while they were looking at Gideon, no one was looking at the cloaks behind him.” Bill remarked. “Not to mention, it'd really suck if you had to find out over and over again that Gideon has real powers.”  
  
“That would suck.” Wendy agreed, the others all nodding in unison.  
  
“Look, Stan's released the balloon!” Mabel pointed out the window at Stan and Soos waving from the hot air balloon passing over the forest towards the town. “It looks great!”  
  
“We're almost there now. Hope Gideon shows up soon.” Wendy frowned. “I had no idea Love God did that stuff. Ugh, non-humans are such jerks.”  
  
“Hey.” Bill frowned at her.  
  
“You ARE a jerk, just not the same kind.” Wendy said simply  
  
“Eh, okay. I'll give you that.” Bill shrugged.  
  
–  
  
“Hey, Mabel!” Love God greeted as she approached his trailer. “Gideon's not with you?”  
  
“He's coming, he forgot something at home.” Mabel shrugged.  
  
“Ah, that kid. I don't see your friend around, what's he look like?” Love God scanned the crowd.  
  
“Robbie said he wasn't feeling well, so he's not coming.” Mabel lied. “Sorry you won't get to help him.”  
  
“Eh, it's fine. Maybe he'll show up anyway during the show. I've got loads of others to help, anyway!” Love God grinned. “Tonight's gonna be an amazing night, baby! I've got some awesome songs planned, and there's gonna be _magic_ in the air~!” He mimed playing a guitar and laughed.  
  
“Wow. Hey, how do you use it, anyway? Do you spray those potions everywhere while playing or something?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Oh, that's simple! I spray some of the potion I wanna use on the strings and strum and the effects just FLY!” He mimed playing a guitar again. “Wanna see me rehearse? I can show you some of my magic in action.” He winked at her.  
  
“Ah, I think Dipper wanted to get some food. I'll see you at the show, though, okay?” Mabel waved and walked away, then paused. “Uhm, did you want to join us?” She turned to him.  
  
“Sure, sounds great!” Love God grinned. “Just let me put something away and then I'll be right there! Wait for me!” He headed into his trailer.  
  
“Of course, we'll be waiting.” Mabel glanced at Bill and made a mental note to apologize to him later. She just HAD to buy time for Gideon to do what he needed to!  
  
–  
  
“Where is it?” Gideon muttered as he rummaged in his chest. He hadn't needed to use the stone for a while year so it had gotten shifted around. “I knew I should've put it on a shelf.”

_Little One._  
  
Gideon looked up and saw a dragon peering at him around the bookshelf. “Yes, Midna?”  
  
 _Your stone is over here._  
  
He walked over and looked where she had her claw pointed. He walked over and picked it up. “Thank you. I'd like to introduce you to someone sometime soon, is that alright?”  
  
 _I will gladly meet your loved one, Little One. But, you must hurry. Even in this hidden place, I can feel the energies twisting._  
  
Gideon nodded and slipped on a ring, swiping at the air with that hand to open a portal to the festival grounds. “Thank you for your help.”  
  
 _For what you have done for me, this is nothing._ The dragon assured him.  
  
He smiled and went through with the stone, the portal closing behind him. Once on the other side, he took off the ring and slipped it into his shirt pocket before running to the stage area. 'Love God will be going on soon.' He thought. 'I have to hurry and set this up before then.'  
  
–  
  
“Well, thanks for the grub, but I gotta run.” Love God got up from the table.  
  
“Oh, but we were going to get dessert!” Mabel offered.  
  
“No, no. I can't disappoint my fans.” He flashed her a smile and headed out.  
  
Mabel and Bill exchanged looks and then she grabbed her bag and Dipper's while Bill grabbed Dipper and then they headed out. “Whatever you do, don't go to his show!” Mabel said to Wendy and the others.  
  
They followed Love God to the stage and watched as he entered his trailer. Then they spotted Gideon lingering by backstage and Mabel ran over to him. “Gideon, did you do it?”  
  
“I couldn't, he's got someone guarding backstage. I need help distracting them long enough to set this up.” Gideon said regretfully.  
  
“I'll help.” Bill nodded. “Just tell me what you need.”  
  
“I have to draw a circle, set this stone on it, and light candles around it before I can start chanting. I need you to distract the guard long enough for me to do all that.” Gideon explained.  
  
“Right. Do we have time before he starts playing?” Bill asked.  
  
“...No. But I can at least reduce the damage.” Gideon said grimly. “Let's hurry. This will take me ten to fifteen minutes.”  
  
“What can I do?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Stay safely out of the way. Mabel, could you help me set up?” Gideon asked her.  
  
They heard the crowd cheer and knew that Love God had arrived. Bill moved forward and caught the attention of the guard, who followed him. Gideon made sure they were safely out of the guard's sight and then moved forward, Mabel following. Dipper hung back, watching them nervously.  
  
“Let's feel a little love in the air~!” Love God declared. Dipper looked out and saw a man kiss the woman next to him. The woman next to him than acted upset and started to pull them apart, only to be shrugged off. “Don't worry, don't worry! Plenty of love around!” The Love God assured them as the woman was then kissed by another woman next to her and seemed to forget all about her boyfriend or husband, whichever it was.  
  
Gideon was right, it was bad. More of this was going on in the crowd the longer he played, and even people passing by were reacting to it by kissing strangers. They seemed immune, though. Or maybe the love spray just didn't reach them since they were behind him?  
  
“Come on, everyone, show a little love!” Love God said as he continued to play.  
  
Gideon cringed as he listened to Love God work, but continued setting up. “Okay, now I need to chant. Can you keep me covered? And, by the way, he's going to be very mad once his powers short out so I'm going to put up a shield around us.”  
  
“How long will that be?” Mabel asked.  
  
“About....five minutes. You better get Bill and your brother over here.” Gideon glanced at where Bill was running around distracting the guard.  
  
“I'll get Dipper, he can call Bill when it's time.” Mabel said, standing up to get her brother.  
  
Dipper looked over as she reached him. “Things are getting pretty bad...did Gideon bring the memory gun?” He asked quietly.  
  
“'Big day for the Society', he said...” Mabel frowned. “But, if they forget then they'll invite him back again and we'll have to do this next year. We'll figure it out, let's get over to Gideon. He's waiting.” She took his hand and led him over to where Gideon was chanting.  
  
They joined him and knelt down next to him. The stone was pulsating different colors as Gideon chanted and the candle flames were flickering. Finally he finished chanting and looked at Dipper. “Call Bill, now.” He said, before saying one more word.  
  
Bill came as soon as Dipper sent the mental call just in time for the shield to go up around them. The guitar stopped and then they heard it strum a couple more times before Love God said “I'm experiencing a technical difficulty. Don't go nowhere, I'll be back!”  
  
“He's coming.” Gideon sighed.  
  
Love God came backstage, his smile changing into a furious scowl. “Gideon Gleeful, you AGAIN?” He snapped. “Why do you keep sabotaging me like this?”  
  
“Because you're tearing apart my town!” Gideon said firmly. “You're not getting your powers back until you fix what you've done! And if I have to fix it again myself, I'm going to keep you from ever coming here again.”  
  
“You think you can keep me out? I'm a GOD, baby! You have NO idea the powers you're messing with!” Love God declared.  
  
“You mean the powers I just shut down?” Gideon stepped closer to the edge of the shield, a defiant look in his eyes. “Your powers can't touch me. Leave my town alone or I'll throw you out.”  
  
Love God moved closer, reaching for Gideon, but hissed when the shield burned him. ”Ugh, you mages. Always exploiting our powers and interfering in our work! I'm doing what I'm supposed to!”  
  
“What you are _supposed_ to do is help single people find love, not tear relationships apart just for fun by having married couples kiss other people!” Gideon retorted. “You're done! Get out of my town!”  
  
“Oh, don't talk like you actually know things!” Love God spat. “You're just a kid that read a few books, what do you know? You have no place in the affairs of gods!”  
  
“Maybe not, but I could sure pull up some dirt on you.” Bill remarked. “I've been around since this planet first formed in the vastness of space. Oh, the things I know about you so-called Gods. And while Gideon may not be able to keep you out, I sure could.”  
  
“Come out of that shield and do it, then! Throw me out!” Love God challenged.  
  
“Fine.” Bill stepped out of the shield and fastened another button of his coat. “Let's do this, Your Holiness.” He beckoned him with two fingers and formed fire in his hands. “Gideon, release his powers. No handicaps.”  
  
“You're not at full power, Bill. Can you really beat him when he is at his?” Gideon asked.  
  
“I'm going to make this fucker undo what he's done. I can't do that unless he has his powers.” Bill cracked his knuckles. “And if I were at my full power? I could obliterate him in seconds.”  
  
“Tough talk, let's see some action.” Love God challenged.  
  
Gideon sighed. “...Fine.” He put out the candles and the stone stopped glowing. “Be careful. I don't want to have to restore your physical form.”  
  
“You won't.” Bill said, watching as Love God stretched out his arms while his powers came back. “Let's do this.” He grinned.  
  
“You better be ready to hurt.” Love God flexed and clapped his hands together.  
  
“So this is where you went.” Tad walked over to them, the guard unconscious behind them. “None of you would answer your phones. What are you getting into here?”  
  
“You didn't see that madness out there?” Bill gestured to the crowd.  
  
“I assumed it was normal. It happened last year, after all.” Tad shrugged.  
  
“Yo, what about our fight?” Love God demanded.  
  
“This guy is causing complete anarchy and he won't stop.” Bill explained. “Wanna help beat him up?”  
  
“No. You seem to have it handled.” Tad walked over to stand next to the shield. “I will step in you if need me to, but you'll be fine.”  
  
“Where were you, anyway?” Bill asked as he threw a fire-filled punch at Love God.  
  
“ _I_ was enjoying the festival, unlike you four apparently.” Tad said as Love God ducked to the side to dodge. “I wasn't aware that beating up one of the main acts was on the agenda.”  
  
“Well, originally we were just gonna stop him, but then he came back here to beat up Gideon, so I'm protecting the little 'prince'.” Bill shrugged and dodged a punch.  
  
Dipper frowned, watching them fight.” This is wrong.”  
  
“Yeah, it really is.” Mabel looked at Gideon. “Isn't he supposed to be a God of Love? Isn't this wrong?”  
  
“Tell _him_ that.” Gideon sighed. “I'm trying to undo what I can while he's distracted.”  
  
“Okay, I will.” Dipper strode out of the shield confidently. “Stop fighting! No more violence! This is bad!”  
  
“Wha?” Love God looked at him. “Oh, it's the little brother.”  
  
“You're a LOVE God! Why are you hurting people? Why are you fighting and angry?” Dipper walked over and stood between him and Bill. “Don't you see what you're doing? You're hurting people! You're so caught up in the fun that you forgot your purpose! Those people were happy together, and you tore them apart! That's wrong and mean!”  
  
“Look, we immortals gotta get our kicks somehow.” Love God shrugged. “Besides, they look better with the new ones!”  
  
“That's what you think, and that doesn't make it okay!” Dipper stomped his foot a few times as he spoke. “They were happy in love, they fell in love all on their own, and you RUINED it! You broke the happy! You broke the love! You're not a Love God! You're just a meanie that hurts people for fun! You're a Bully God!”  
  
“Now, that's just harsh.” Love God frowned.  
  
“Well, it's true! You're a bully! And unless you fix what you did and don't ever do it again, you'll always be a bully! You're really nice when you're not hurting people, so why don't you just be nice?” Dipper asked.  
  
“He's right!” Mabel came out of the shield as well. “It's not right what you did! You have to fix it, or the love...the love won't be strong enough! If you're mean, then the love in the world will fall apart! Please, do it for love!” She walked over and took Love God's hand. “Bring peace back to the people of Gravity Falls, let the true and natural love flow unhindered!”  
  
“Do they really think this will work?” Gideon muttered as he focused on the pulsating stone.  
  
“Pine Tree, Shooting Star, I don't think--” Bill was cut off by the Love God laughing.  
  
“Well, I can't argue with that logic! You kids hit me right where it matters! Alright, alright. No more games. I'm going to focus on my job and help those looking for love find it.” Love God chuckled a bit. “Still want me to help that Robbie guy?”  
  
“I think Robbie just needs friends right now. Let him find love naturally.” Mabel shook her head. “Thank you for understanding.”  
  
“Well, I gotta get back on the stage and perform. Don't worry, no spray this time.” He took off his belt of potions and held them up. “See? I'll just skip over to my trailer and then come back to rock their worlds!” He headed off.  
  
Blendin came into the backstage area, panting heavily. “You. Are. ImPOSSIBLE to keep track of!”  
  
“Oops.” Bill shrugged.  
  
“Let's leave him to it. I think we can trust him to keep his word and they have some lovely bread on sale at this festival.” Tad walked over and took Bill's arm. “You MUST try it.”  
  
“Okay, then.” Bill laughed. “Let's go try it.” He looked over at Gideon. “You coming?”  
  
“In a moment. I want to make sure that he keeps his word.” Gideon dropped the shield and picked up the stone.  
  
“Alright, we'll be around.” Bill shrugged. “Coming, Shooting Star?”  
  
“Oh, you can go on ahead.” Mabel smiled. “I'll wait with Gideon.”  
  
Bill shrugged. “Okay.” He looked at Blendin. “I'll try to keep at your pace this time.”  
  
“You better!” Blendin huffed, following them out to the rest of the festival.  
  
Mabel sighed, watching them go. “This ended...surprisingly well.”  
  
“Mm.” Gideon nodded, then watched as Love God went back on-stage. They watched as he restored the people he'd altered and then Gideon turned to Mabel. “...Can I show you something?”  
  
“Hm?” Mabel looked at him.  
  
“I'd like to take you somewhere.” Gideon offered her his free hand, the stone in his other hand. “Do you want to go?”  
  
“Where?” Mabel asked, taking his hand.  
  
“It's a surprise.” Gideon smiled and said a few strange words Mabel didn't know before the ring he was wearing glowed. Then he swiped at the air and a portal opened in front of them. “Come inside.” He gently led her in, the portal closing behind them.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Out of the mouths of babes, right Love God?


	100. A Secret Place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gideon takes Mabel to meet someone special.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

The place Gideon took her to was definitely not anywhere she recognized. Mabel looked around in wonder at all the bookshelves and artifacts on other shelves. It wasn't very full, but it had a lot by her standards.   
  
“Where are we?” She asked. She couldn't see an end to the place, but the walls looked kind of...cavern-like? Or maybe just a stone building?  
  
“This is a sub-dimension. While I was in Washington State, I met a wizard that gave me this ring. He said it was essential for any witch or wizard to have, to do their craft in secret.” Gideon explained. “I've been using it to store books and artifacts that, well, won't fit in my room.”  
  
“Wow...” Mabel followed him as he walked over to a shelf and set the Stone of Aphrodite on it. “This is amazing! It's like the Room of Requirement or something!”  
  
“Pardon? The what?” Gideon looked at her.  
  
“The Room of Requirement. It's in Harry Potter, and when you enter it the room becomes anything you need!” Mabel said excitedly.  
  
“Ah. Well, while I'm sure such a thing exists, this is not like that. It's just a sub-dimension.” Gideon chuckled a bit. “Come on, you haven't seen the best part yet.”   
  
“The best part?” Mabel asked.  
  
Gideon brought his finger to his lips in a “shh” motion and then led her around the bookshelves. Mabel followed him in wonder until they finally stopped in front of a...  
  
“Is that a... _dragon_?” Mabel whispered.  
  
Gideon nodded. “Midna, I've brought someone to meet you.”  
  
The dragon, who was not much bigger than the bookshelf next to it, turned her long neck to look at Mabel. It gave a slow nod of the head in greeting and then looked at Gideon.  
  
“Mabel, this is Midna. She's a dragon I found badly wounded by the Grand Canyon a couple winters back.” Gideon explained. “I thought I would care for her and then take her home to Scotland where she belongs, but she's decided to just stay with me, apparently.”  
  
“She's beautiful.” Mabel extended a hand to Midna. The dragon looked at her hand appraisingly before moving her head close enough for Mabel to stroke her hair and scales. “How come dragons have hair?” She asked Gideon.  
  
“Because they do?” He shrugged. “They're mystical beings and you want to ask why they have hair? That's the least of their magical traits.” He looked at Midna. “Oh, stop laughing at her.”  
  
“She's laughing at me?” Mabel asked.  
  
“I can communicate with her mentally. Once she gets to know you better, she'll probably communicate with you, too.” Gideon explained. “And it's amused laughter, not mocking.”  
  
“Well, as long as she's amused.” Mabel shrugged and smiled. “Doesn't she get lonely in here, though?”  
  
“Dragons are generally solitary creatures anyway, so she really doesn't. She has treasures, she has a cave, she gets food from me, and she's comfortable. Which is probably why she won't leave.” Gideon raised an eyebrow at the dragon, who looked completely unashamed of her freeloading.  
  
“We've gotta show her to the others. Dipper would love her.” Mabel turned to Gideon. “Speaking of which, they're probably wondering where we are. Do cell-phones work in here?”  
  
“Uh...no, actually, they don't. We should go.” Gideon looked at Midna. “Take care, I'll bring you something tasty from the festival.”  
  
The dragon turned her attention to something else and Gideon led Mabel out. “I'm glad she's taken to you. She can be quite possessive.”  
  
“Well, you are a treasure.” Mabel said, then blushed a bit. “I mean, you're pretty and...shiny hair and...”  
  
“I got it.” Gideon chuckled. “You're a treasure too, Mabel.”  
  
“Aww.” Mabel took his hand and kissed him. “I love you.”  
  
Gideon smiled. “I love you too, darlin'. But we really should go.”  
  
“Yeah.” Mabel nodded.  
  
Gideon waved his hand with the ring on it and the portal opened up again. “Come on.” He led her out and the portal closed behind them, the ring's glow fading as it did.  
  
“That thing is really cool.” Mabel said, looking at it.  
  
Mabel's phone rang and she pulled it out. Apparently she missed four calls, and this one was from Bill. “Yes?” She asked, answering it.  
  
“Where have you been? It's been two hours!” Bill asked.  
  
“Oh...” She looked at Gideon. “It's been two hours?”  
  
“Oh, shoot. The time distortion.” Gideon cringed. “I forgot about that.”  
  
“Shooting Star?” Bill asked.  
  
“Gideon took me into a sub-dimension to show me something. Sorry, he forgot there was a time distortion. Where are you?” Mabel asked.  
  
“We're over by the rides, Pine Tree needed a distraction. Tad's going on with him, I wanted to watch for you. I checked the backstage area twice!”  
  
“Sorry.” Mabel sighed. “We'll head over now.”  
  
“I'm sorry to cause this trouble.” Gideon said, walking out of the backstage area with her. Love God had finished and another person was performing on the stage now, but their staff didn't seem to notice or care about the young couple slipping out of the backstage area.  
  
They joined Bill and the areas at the rides and Wendy instantly pulled Mabel into a hug. “Whoa, it's okay! I'm okay!”  
  
“I'm so sorry about that, I'll try to remember the time-distortion next time.” Gideon told Bill.  
  
“You better just be glad I don't tell Stan you and Shooting Star vanished without a trace for two hours!” Bill scolded him. “No running off on your own for the rest of the night!”  
  
“Mabel!” Dipper ran over and hugged her. “Mabel, I was soooo worried!”  
  
“Love God said that you two might be getting 'down and dirty'.” Lee commented. “Bill reminded them that you were kids and punched him in the nose!”  
  
“I would've if he didn't.” Wendy huffed.  
  
“Are you okay?” Nate asked.  
  
“Yes, we're fine.” Mabel assured him. “We just had a bit of time distortion when we went into a sub-dimension.”  
  
“Those things can be tricky. I'll see if I can fix it.” Gideon nodded firmly.  
  
“Good idea.” Mabel nodded. “Let's make sure it's fixed before we take Dipper in there.”  
  
“I'll work on it tomorrow, for now let's focus on enjoying the festival.” Gideon suggested.  
  
“Well, what's left of it. I think you've got about five hours of Woodstick left.” Bill shrugged.  
  
“Let's go enjoy it, then.” Mabel smiled. “Come on, show me what we missed!”

–  
  
“Is it gone?” Pacifica whispered.  
  
Her mother looked into the room. “...The blood is gone. I think...it's left us alone for now.”  
  
“Every year this happens.” Her father grumbled. “What does it want?”  
  
“It kept saying 'Ancient Sins'...” Pacifica looked at her father. “...What does that mean?”  
  
He sighed heavily. “I'm not entirely sure.”  
  
Pacifica looked thoughtful. “...Maybe Bill can help.”  
  
“Bill?” Her mother looked at her.  
  
“Bill Cipher. He's Gideon's friend.” Pacifica explained.  
  
“Bill Cipher? Yes, yes he might be able to help us!” Preston stood up. “Pacifica, go to their place and enlist his help!”  
  
“Now?” Pacifica looked out the window.  
  
“Yes, of course, now! I'll tell the driver to take you!” Preston walked off.  
  
Pacifica sighed. “I'll...go get changed for going outside, then.” She said, glancing down at her party dress she had been trying on.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops, Gideon's in trouble now.  
> And what's going on at the Northwest Manor?


	101. Something Strange in the Neighborhood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pacifica's got a spooky problem and goes to Bill for help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

Bill was confused by the knocking on their door at dang-near midnight. He checked to see if Stan was still up and then went over to open the door. “Hello?”

“Hey...can I come in?” Pacifica asked.  
  
He looked out past her at the rain. “Miss Northwest, it's dark and it's raining, why are you outside? Come in, I'll make you something warm to drink.” Bill opened the door wider for her. “You aren't running away again, are you?”  
  
“No, no.” She shook her head and walked in, taking off her soaked coat. “My parents sent me. I need your help.”  
  
“What's going on? Who's here?” Mabel came downstairs.  
  
“Miss Northwest, she says she needs help.” Bill said as he looked out. “Your driver's out there, should I let him in too?”  
  
“I won't be here long. He can wait.” She shook her head. “Bill, Mr. Cipher, I need your help with a ghost problem.”  
  
“A ghost?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Ghost?” Dipper poked his head around the corner. “Should I dance again?”  
  
“I don't think it's the same ghosts, Pine Tree. What's the problem?” Bill asked.  
  
“He's violent, and he possesses the hunting trophy-heads, and there's blood and they keep repeating 'Ancient Sins' and then the dishes fly around and--” Bill placed his hand at Pacifica's lips.  
  
“Calm down, Miss Northwest. You're panicking.” Bill said gently. “Okay, so he's violent, he possesses inanimate objects, he's cryptic...sounds like a level 10.”  
  
“A what?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Shooting Star, would you get the Journal? It's on my desk.” Bill pointed to his room. “Come on, Miss Northwest, to the kitchen.”  
  
“On it.” Mabel headed for his room.  
  
“I'll go with you!” Dipper followed Bill.  
  
Pacifica sighed. “Every year, my parents throw a big party celebrating when our family, well, became rich. Their parents did it, and so did theirs. And every year, this ghost comes and harasses us and any guests we have. I've had Gideon check it out, but he says that we have to fulfill what the ghost needs for it to go away. Can you do anything?”  
  
“I can try.” Bill shrugged as he heated up milk in the microwave. “What does it need?”  
  
“I don't know! He never says!” Pacifica shook her head. “And it's terrifying! I'm scared he's going to kill us!”  
  
“Ah, shh, shh.” Bill gently rubbed her back and offered her a box of Kleenex. “I know, it's scary. I'm gonna do what I can to help, okay? I'll come over tomorrow and check things out. When is the party?”  
  
“Tomorrow night.” Pacifica sniffled.  
  
“Okay, wow, that's short-notice.” Bill sighed. “Well, good thing my schedule is cleared. I'll call Tad, see if he wants to help. Two heads are better than one, after all.”  
  
“Tad Strange? What does he have to do with this?” Pacifica asked.  
  
“Oh, you don't know. He's like me.” Bill grinned. “He's not human, not really.”  
  
“I knew he was strange, but...not human? Really?” She grabbed a Kleenex from the box and wiped at her eyes before blowing her nose. “Oh, excuse me.”  
  
“It's fine.” Bill assured her.  
  
“Here it is.” Mabel set the 3rd Journal on the table. “The microwave's almost done.”  
  
“Can you add chocolate to the milk?” Bill asked, rubbing Pacifica's back.  
  
“Do you want a cookie?” Dipper asked her.  
  
“Well, since you offered.” Pacifica smiled a bit.  
  
Dipper got out the stool and climbed up to the cookie jar. “Okay, I'll get you one.”  
  
“The best thing to do would be to first contain the ghost into one area.” Bill said as he opened the Journal. “Now, I'm not too expectant, but let's see if The Author has any advice on how to deal with a level 10.” He turned the pages.  
  
Mabel looked over his shoulder after taking the mug out of the microwave. “It's...blank.”  
  
“Yep! He's useless!” Bill shut the book and threw his hands up. “We're on our own, ladies and gentlemen! The Author is useless!”  
  
“'Run. Fast.'” Pacifica sighed heavily.  
  
“Okay, so since he's useless, I'm gonna call Gideon and see what he knows about ghost containment.” Bill pulled out his cell-phone and picked Gideon's number out of the list of contacts.  
  
“It's past midnight, you think he'll be up?” Mabel asked as she stirred in the chocolate and gave it to Pacifica.  
  
“When isn't he?” Bill laughed a bit as Gideon picked up. “Hey, Gid. We need your help with a ghost problem.”  
  
“You have ghosts at your place?” Gideon asked, his words a bit slurred.  
  
“Oh, whoops, did I wake you?” Bill asked. “And, no, Pacifica came to me for help with her problem. I need your help containing it.”  
  
“Mm...to contain a ghost, you need...rock-salt.” Gideon said, shifting in what was probably his bed. “I'll bring it by...uhm...tomorrow. When do you need it?”  
  
“Tomorrow night.” Bill replied. “Actually, I need it sooner. I need to make a plan and discuss how to deal with this ghost.”  
  
“I can...go over now, if you want. I'm awake now.” Gideon said, yawning a bit. “Oh, pardon me.”  
  
“No, it's fine. You sound really tired, how long ago did you go to sleep?” Bill asked.  
  
“About...” There was a pause and then Gideon sighed. “An hour ago. Father and mother are both not doing well, so I was taking care of them all day. I learned how to make soup.”  
  
“Oh, geez. You go back to sleep and I'll call you when I need you to come over, okay? I'm gonna get these kids and Miss Northwest back to bed, so you get all the rest you need.” Bill told him.   
  
“Mm, okay. Thanks, I'll go back to sleep, then.” Gideon hung up.  
  
“With that, let's get you back home.” Bill said, looking at Pacifica.  
  
She nodded, setting down her empty mug. “Thank you for the drink, and the cookie.”  
  
Bill nodded. “I'll walk you to the door. Shooting Star, you and Pine Tree get to bed.”  
  
“Yes, Bill.” Mabel led Dipper out of the room.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gideon's having a pretty rough time...


	102. Mother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's late at night but Gideon's day isn't done. His mother's here to visit him in bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

Gideon sighed as he set the phone on his bedside table. “It's already that time?” He mumbled.  
  
“Gideon? Are you still awake?” His mother asked outside his door.  
  
“Yes, mother.” He looked over at the door.  
  
“May I come in?” She asked.  
  
He hesitated, but nodded. “Yes, mother.”  
  
She opened the door and came into the room, approaching his bed. “How is your hand? I'm so sorry I haven't been doing well today.”  
  
He shook his head. “No, I was happy to help you.” He looked at his right hand, which was bandaged. “It's nothing a soothing salve and time won't cure. I can still use my hand just fine.”  
  
She sighed and sat on the edge of his bed. “You're just so young, and so much is put on your shoulders. With your father's early dementia and my health problems, you have had to suffer so much the past week.” She reached towards him and noticed he looked at her hand warily. “Have I...hurt you?”  
  
Gideon bit his lip, glancing to the side. “...It's just part of your hysteria. You don't remember it, I'm sure.”  
  
“No, I don't.” She gently wrapped her arms around him. “Oh, Gideon, I'm so sorry that I have made you frightened of me.”  
  
He sighed and leaned into her hold. “It's...it's not your fault, mother. “  
  
She gently kissed his forehead and lay him back down. “I'm sorry, I'm keeping you up.”  
  
He shook his head. “No, it's alright. We don't often get chances to talk like this.”  
  
She smiled and held him close to her, laying down next to him. “Can I...stay like this? I don't remember the last time I held you.”  
  
He nodded. “I...I don't mind.”  
  
She kissed his temple and rested her head next to his. “Good night, Gideon.”  
  
He sighed softly and closed his eyes. “Good night, mother.”  
  
–  
  
Gideon woke up to find himself alone. He looked at the alarm clock and saw it said 6:00am, then noticed his mother was speaking outside his room. He climbed out of bed and went to open it a bit, looking out. His mother was on the phone, and sounded worried.  
  
“Yes, it's been a constant. I thought it might go away, but I'm worried that I have something serious. Should I come in?” She asked. She fiddled with the cord as she listened. “Yes....alright, I'll come in, then. I'll be coming with my brother, my husband isn't feeling well. Yes. Alright, then.” She hung up and dialed another number before waiting for it be to answered. “Preston? I'm sorry to bother you so early, but I've been feeling very ill lately and I need someone to take me to the clinic. Bud isn't feeling well, and Gideon, well, he can't drive...” She sighed. “Yes, I know you have the party tonight. It won't take long. Please?”  
  
Gideon gripped the doorway, listening to her with concern. Had she gotten worse? He knew she'd been throwing up a lot lately, but wasn't it just the flu?  
  
“Alright, thank you. I'll be waiting.” She hung up and went to gather up her purse. Then she headed for Gideon's room and noticed him at the doorway. “Oh, Gideon. Did I wake you?” She asked.  
  
“Are you okay?” Gideon asked. “Do you need me to go with you?”  
  
“Preston is on his way.” She knelt down and kissed his forehead. “I'll be fine, you can go back to sleep.”  
  
He nodded, watching her walk to the door. “Mother...let me know how it goes, okay? I'll keep my phone on.”  
  
She nodded. “Go to sleep, Gideon.”  
  
Gideon looked to the side. “How's father? Have you checked on him?”  
  
“Not yet, could you do that? Oh, shoot, this dress has a rip. I can't be seen in this.” She headed back to her bedroom to change. Gideon followed her and stood in the doorway, looking at his father.  
  
Bud was fast asleep, propped up by pillows with a bottle of medication sitting on his bedside table. Gideon's mother finished changing and moved past him to go out to the living room and wait. Gideon watched her go and then looked at his father again.  
  
“Hn...who's there?” Bud asked, stirring from his sleep. “Who is that?”  
  
“It's me. Gideon.” Gideon said, walking over to the bed. “Your son.”  
  
“Gideon...oh, yes. Son.” Bud looked at him. “Have you gotten taller?”  
  
“No, father. I'm still the same size I've been.” Gideon shook his head.  
  
“Mm...where is your...your mother? Agatha?” He looked around.  
  
“She's going out with Uncle Preston.” Gideon told him. “I'm sorry if I woke you.”  
  
“What time is it?” Bud looked at the alarm clock. “Gideon, you should go back to bed. It's too early for you to be up.”  
  
“Yes, father.” Gideon turned to go.  
  
“Father? Who's that? I'm Bud Gleeful. Who are you, little one?” Bud asked as Gideon left the room.  
  
Gideon pursed his lips tightly and headed back to his room. He shut the door behind him and made a beeline for his dresser. He knelt down and opened the bottom drawer, pulling out the Memory Gun box from inside it. “I want to forget...” He whispered, taking it out and looking at it. “I want to forget...I can't bear to remember when they've forgotten...” He held the gun in a tight grip and then lowered it back into the box, tears slipping down his cheeks. “I can't forget. I need to remember, because they can't. But I want to forget...” He closed the box and pushed the drawer closed, laying down next to the dresser. “I want to forget it all...how could I do that to him...I swore never to use it for selfish reasons...I'm so sorry, father...”  
  
He drifted off, tears slipping down his cheeks. A few moments later, his bedroom door opened and Preston stepped inside with Gideon's mother.  
  
“What is he doing on the floor?” Preston walked over and lifted Gideon into his arms. “Oh, child.” He carried him to the bed and lay him down, wiping at Gideon's eyes with his handkerchief. “Don't cry, boy. You are of the Northwest line, and Northwests do not cry.” He pulled the blanket up to Gideon's chin and tucked his handkerchief back in its pocket. “Let's go now, Agatha. I have to be back by noon.” He headed for the door.  
  
Gideon let out a soft, shuddering sigh as Preston closed the door.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Preston's...got his own way of comfort...
> 
> ((A/N: Happy Mother's Day, everyone!))


	103. Who you Gonna Call?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's morning, time to plan for dealing with a ghost!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

Gideon's phone rang out a cheery chime, stirring him from his sleep. He groaned and looked at the clock before picking up his phone. “Hello?”  
  
“Hey, this is your wake-up call!” Bill said cheerfully. “Come on over, I'm making pancakes.”  
  
“Oh, alright. Let me just make sure my father has food prepared for when he gets up and I'll head over.” Gideon said, climbing out of bed. He wasn't sure when he was moved to the bed, but he figured his mother or his uncle did it. He wiped at his eyes and sighed. “I'll be a bit, I need to shower and change.”  
  
“Don't take too long, Miss Northwest is on her way.” Bill said, and then he hung up.  
  
Gideon sighed heavily and set aside his phone, going to his private bathroom to wash up.

–

“Gideon didn't sound so good on the phone.” Bill commented.  
  
“Is he sick?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Mm, I think it's something else.” Bill shook his head.  
  
“Can we ask him?” Dipper asked. “I think I'll ask him.”  
  
“It's probably got to do with his caring for his parents last night.” Bill shook his head. “I doubt he'll want to talk about it.”  
  
“Poor Gideon.” Mabel sighed. “I shouldn't have pressured him like that. He's hurting because of what I made him do.”  
  
“Don't give yourself so much credit, Star.” Bill had a double get out a serving plate. “Gideon chose to do it all on his own. You may have given him the ultimatum, but _he_ chose to shoot them instead of destroying the gun.”  
  
Mabel sighed. “I wish I could help him, though...”  
  


“Well, you could.” Stan remarked. “I mean, I'd want you supervised, but you could go help him out.” He looked out the window. “Looks like Pacifica's here.”  
  
“Already? Wow.” Bill flipped the pancakes. “I'm not even done making pancakes. Ask her if she's hungry.”  
  
“Will do.” Stan walked out to greet her.  
  
“Hello, Mr. Pines.” She greeted, walking over to the door. “Bill said to come here for breakfast on the phone and we would...brainstorm?”  
  
“You're early, he's still making it.” Stan chuckled. “You hungry?” He opened the door wider for her and stepped to the side.  
  
“Yes.” She nodded and walked in, pausing to look at Wax Stan propped up by the stairs. “Uhm...isn't this usually in the living room?”  
  
“I'm doing some cleaning up in there.” Stan closed the door. “The stairs are nice and shady.”  
  
“Is Gideon here?” Pacifica looked around.  
  
“Not yet. He's getting ready to come over.” Stan replied.  
  
“I'm worried about him, he sounded exhausted when I talked to him yesterday.” Pacifica sighed. “Maybe the ghost thing will be a welcome distraction for him.”  
  
“Gideon's here!” Mabel ran out past them.  
  
“What? How?” Stan looked over at Mabel hugging Gideon.  
  
“I used the sub-dimension ring.” Gideon explained. “I managed to fix the time distortion problem, Mabel, so we should be able to show your brother my treasures.”  
  
“Let's do that later. Right now, we need to fix Pacifica's problem.” Mabel smiled.  
  
“Yes...” Gideon sighed. “The ghost. Hello, Stanford.”  
  
“Hey, Gideon.” Stan waved. “You alright?”  
  
“Mm...” Gideon looked unsure on how to answer that. “Well, I found out why my mother's not feeling well.” He walked in with Mabel.  
  
“What's the matter?” Stan asked, concerned.  
  
“She's pregnant.” Gideon sighed.  
  
“A baby?” Mabel gasped.  
  
“Really?” Pacifica asked.  
  
“Yes...when my father is suffering from early dementia and she has mental issues.” Gideon said grimly.  
  
“I'm sure the kid will be fine.” Stan assured him. “You'll be the kid's brother, after all!”  
  
“I'm not the best role model.” Gideon shook his head. “Anyways, ghost. I brought rock-salt and a tome on dealing with ghosts peacefully.”  
  
“Let's have pancakes first.” Stan suggested. “Ghosts can wait, you need to eat. How's Bud?”  
  
“Well, he's...managing. He seemed happy to get the news from mother when she got home. Preston didn't seem as excited about it.” Gideon shrugged, then glanced to the side. “I...had to remind him who I was this morning.”  
  
“Oh, Gideon.” Mabel whimpered.  
  
“It's fine...I expected this. It hurts, but I expected this. He's been involved with the Society since his late teens.” Gideon shook his head. “Of course he'd have trouble remembering me. He forgot he was married to mom last night, and seemed surprised to find her in his house.”  
  
“Sounds tough.” Bill commented as Gideon approached the table. “Pancakes are almost done, just a few more to go. Why don't you sit down and relax?”  
  
Gideon nodded and sat down in the chair next to Dipper's. “Mornin', Dipper.”  
  
“Morning, Gideon.” Dipper smiled. “Are you okay?”  
  
“Dipper, Gideon's going to be a big brother!” Mabel said excitedly.  
  
“Ohh!” Dipper clapped his hands excitedly.  
  
“You all act like this is a good thing.” Gideon raised his eyebrow.  
  
“Isn't it?” Bill asked.  
  
“No. My father is suffering from signs of dementia, my mother has random violent episodes, and I'm a sorcerer. Not exactly the ideal household for a baby.” Gideon shook his head.  
  
“Well, isn't there anything in all your tomes that can help him with his memory problems?” Mabel asked.  
  
Gideon shook his head, then paused. “Well...there might be something. It's very difficult, it'll take some time, but there's a potion...might take a week or two, but I should be able to make it. I think I have the supplies...” He looked thoughtful. “I'll have to check to be sure, but if it DOES work, it could help Mr. McGucket and all the other victims, too. I could undo the damage my father caused. Maybe even help my mother.”  
  
“There you go, optimism!” Bill snapped his fingers and grinned. “Hope you guys are hungry, pancakes are done!” He turned off the burner and moved the pancakes to the serving plate his double held. “Thank you, Bill, you may go now.” He snapped his fingers and the double vanished.  
  
“Thank you.” Gideon nodded. “After we deal with the ghost, I'll look at that potion. If I can undo what was done, maybe I will finally be redeemed.”  
  
Bill chuckled. “Ah, redemption. It's a fun road, isn't it?”  
  
“But you didn't do anything, it was your father and the others.” Dipper frowned.  
  
“Yes, I did. I enabled it, I helped it, and sometimes I even used it myself.” Gideon said firmly. “I have done wrong, and must repent for it.”  
  
“You're being way too dramatic.” Stan gently swatted his head. “Let's focus on the task at hand, huh? Eat your pancakes and then figure out the ghost thing. Worry about everything else after that.” He gently rubbed Gideon's head and sat down in a chair.  
  
Pacifica and Mabel took their seats and Bill served them all food. “Hey, where's my stalker?” He asked, looking at the empty fold-up chair.  
  
“Isn't he still asleep in the old wax-museum room?” Stan asked.  
  
“Grunkle Stan, can you help?” Dipper held out the syrup bottle.  
  
Bill rolled his eye. “Time Baby picked the _best_ guy for the job.” He walked off to wake Blendin. “Stan, can you feed the reptiles today?”  
  
“Yeah, yeah.” Stan grabbed the syrup and poured it on Dipper's pancakes. “There you go, kid.”  
  
–  
  
“Okay, so the ghost usually comes out in the lounge, right?” Gideon asked.  
  
“Yes.” Pacifica nodded.  
  
“So, we put rock-salt around the lounge and then deal with the ghost with plenty of time to spare.” Bill shrugged.  
  
“Ghosts generally only manifest at night.” Gideon shook his head. “We have to wait until sundown.”  
  
“When is the party?” Mabel asked.  
  
“It's at 8pm, an hour after sundown.” Pacifica explained. “Lots of influential people are coming...”  
  
“So, we have one hour to handle this ghost issue.” Bill frowned.  
  
“Actually, we have less than that, because we have to clean up any mess made.” Pacifica said, shaking her head.  
  
“Do you think dancing will make the ghost happy?” Dipper asked.  
  
“No, Pine Tree, not this time.” Bill shook his head. “Okay, so what is the guy's deal? Gideon, you're a medium, right?”  
  
“As a psychic I have the ability, yes, but I don't like to do it. They tend to take over mediums, especially if they're inherently violent.” Gideon shook his head quickly. “Let's not do that.”  
  
“Alright.” Bill shrugged. “Okay, so how do we get it to come out? What triggers the manifestation?”  
  
“My family was preparing for the party last night when it came out.” Pacifica explained. “I think it's my family doing something like that.”  
  
“Okay, so it's someone from the Northwest Family's rather colorful past. What does Ancient Sins mean, though?” Bill asked.  
  
“No idea. That's all the ghost says.” Gideon shook his head. “Let's start with containing it to one room and work from there.”  
  
“Okay, then. So, we put the rock-salt at every window and doorway and along the walls?” Bill asked.  
  
“Yes. You do not want to risk him getting out at any point.” Gideon nodded firmly. “And we should have a silver mirror handy.”  
  
“A silver mirror?” Dipper asked.  
  
“It traps the spirit inside it, just in case things go awry.” Gideon explained. “If I remember right, The Author actually knew about that part..”  
  
Bill opened the 3rd Journal and looked at the pages on ghosts. “Oh, here we go. In the Category 4 section.”  
  
“Maybe once we get it in the mirror, it'll be willing to explain why it's so mad?” Dipper suggested.  
  
“The mirror is really a last-resort thing, but it's a thought.” Gideon sighed and rubbed at his eyes. “Sorry, I'm still tired, I guess.”  
  
“Well, I'll take over from here. You should get some extra sleep, Gid.” Bill smiled and closed the Journal.  
  
“No, I'll come with you. I know how to apply the rock-salt.” Gideon shook his head. “The last time I tried to interact with this ghost, it only got angrier. What's your suggestion?”  
  
“Be charming?” Bill shrugged. “I guess I can try sympathizing as a fellow trapped soul?”  
  
“You think that'll work?” Pacifica asked.  
  
“Might get some answers, at least. Once we know his grief, we can help put him to rest.” Gideon shrugged.  
  
“Alright, then. Let's head over to the Northwest Manor.” Bill said, standing up from his chair.  
  
“I'll notify my driver.” Pacifica headed for the door.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Allllright, here we go! Off to fight a ghost!


	104. Salt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time to prepare the room for ghost activity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Your house is really big.” Dipper said as they entered the tall gate.  
  
“It's meant to be like a castle, which is why it's on a high cliff overlooking the town.” Pacifica shrugged.  
  
“Well, I think it's stupid. What if there was a really big earthquake? Or a horribly-placed lightning strike?” Bill pointed out.  
  
“Well, there's enough cliff that it shouldn't be a problem.” Pacifica shrugged again and then the driver opened the door for them to get out. “Hopefully we can get this done before _my_ , uhm, guests arrive. My parents don't know they're coming...”  
  
“Who did you invite?” Bill asked.  
  
“Candy and Grenda.” Pacifica said in a small voice. “My parents wouldn't approve, so I was going to sneak out of the party and spend time with them in my room...”  
  
“Aww.” Bill smiled.  
  
Pacifica blushed. “A-Anyways, let's go to the lounge.”  
  
“Lead the way.” Bill gestured for her to go first.  
  
They entered the large manor and went to the lounge. It was quiet, the curtains were cheerily letting in sunlight, and there was no sign of the blood from the night before. Still, Pacifica looked at the walls fearfully, one hand gripping Gideon's sleeve.  
  
“Well, no sign of the ghost.” Bill commented. “Hey, I have a question. Will I be able to leave the room once the salt is in place?”  
  
Gideon looked thoughtful. “Uhm...probably, since you're only a manifestation of the mind and not really here. And even then, you're an alien not a real demon of Hell, so it may not affect you.”  
  
“Just checking, in case things get ugly and I need to step back.” Bill stretched out his arms. “Let's get with the salting, then. Uh, better tell your maid not to clean this room until we give the okay, Pacifica.”  
  
“Ah, you're here!” Preston walked into the room. “So, can you handle it?”  
  
“First we're going to make sure he can't run rampant by putting salt along the walls, doorways and windows.” Gideon explained. “After that, maybe Bill can actually get an answer out of this thing and find out what it wants.”  
  
“If nothing else, I can punch it into submission.” Bill said, blue fire forming around his hands. “It might take a little while, so keep any early guests from going near this room.”  
  
“Of course. Thank you for taking the time to come.” Preston said, glancing at Bill's hands awkwardly before quickly deciding against offering his hand to shake. “Well! I'll leave you to it. Pacifica, come with me.”  
  
“Actually, it might be best for her to stay.” Bill said. “He may not come out unless a Northwest is here, if his beef is with your family. Unless you'd rather volunteer yourself?”  
  
“...What about Gideon?” Preston asked.  
  
“He's a Gleeful, it doesn't count. I mean, we could _try_ it, but it's unlikely to work.” Bill looked out the window. “We better hurry, the sun's setting.”  
  
Gideon nodded. “Mabel, Dipper, can you help? The more of us that do it, the better. I'll also make some wards and put them on the walls. And once the salt is done, everyone but Bill, Pacifica and I will leave the room.” He handed them each a container of salt.  
  
Preston sighed. “Fine. But if anything happens to her, you're in trouble!” He walked away.  
  
“Don't pretend to care about her _now_ , you jerk.” Gideon grumbled as they set to work.  
  
“Uhm...what can I do to help?” Pacifica asked.  
  
“Sit down in a chair and stay in it, we're going to put a ring of salt around you.” Gideon explained.  
  
“Okay.” She sat down in a chair. “Why?”  
  
“So you can't be attacked or possessed.” Gideon said as he started to surround the chair with salt.  
  
“Okay, I'm done over here.” Mabel said, holding up her empty case of salt.  
  
“I'm done!” Dipper held up his.  
  
“I'll check on your work in a moment.” Gideon said, standing up and looking over the circle. “Remember, Pacifica. No matter what, do NOT move from the chair. As long as he can see you, he'll come out.”  
  
“Or she.” Bill shrugged. “We don't actually know yet, do we?”  
  
“Gideon, are you going to be okay?” Pacifica asked worriedly. “You look terrible...”  
  
Gideon rubbed at his eyes. “I'm fine. This is more important, I'll sleep when I know you're safe. I'm sorry I haven't been able to do much before now.”  
  
“You weren't equipped to fight a ghost.” Bill commented, looking at his empty container. “I'm done. That everything?”  
  
Gideon looked around. “Yes. Mabel, Dipper, leave the room and make sure not to disturb the salt as you go.” He looked out the window. “Just in time, it's almost night.”  
  
Pacifica gripped the arms of her chair nervously, looking at the walls.

“We'll be right out here.” Mabel said, picking Dipper up and stepping over the salt line carefully. “Be careful, all of you.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go....


	105. Curse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ghost tells Bill and Gideon a tale of deceit and woe!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“So...have you ever actually encountered a real demon?” Bill asked Gideon. The ghost was taking his time to show up, they'd even messed with the stuff around the lounge.  
  
“Uhm...no, not yet. They tend to be really nasty.” Gideon shook his head. “You'd expect a demon to show up in Gravity Falls, but I think the fairy magic scares them off.”  
  
“Fairy magic, huh...” Bill frowned, remembering when Dipper was almost kidnapped by fairies. “They sure kept me in place.”  
  
“Fairies are very good at keeping out any of the competition when it comes to abducting children.” Gideon said dryly. “Luckily, I've managed to intervene every time – I didn't count on Dipper running off, and as soon as I realized where he was going, I headed out after him.”  
  
“And they don't mind?” Bill asked.  
  
“It's less of a 'don't mind' and more of a 'can't do anything about it' situation. Once I use my mind powers to break the trance, the child can't be taken. And they don't dare to go into the city to lure children. They just wait for children to wander into the woods. Usually tourists, most locals avoid the woods.” Gideon sighed and looked at the walls. “He's late.”  
  
“Hey, Miss Northwest, try stepping off the chair.” Bill suggested.  
  
“You told me to stay on it!” Pacifica frowned.  
  
“Actually, Gideon did. And try it.” Bill shrugged. “Otherwise, we'll be here all night.”  
  
“Isn't there a spell or something to call him out?” Pacifica sighed and reluctantly stepped down off the chair, carefully avoiding the salt line.  
  
The curtains suddenly started to whip against the windows as the animal heads started to bleed. “There he is!” Bill said, picking Pacifica up and setting her back on the chair.  
  
The manifestation continued, with the heads chanting “Ancient Sins!” over and over again. The fireplace started to flare up and turn blue and then a man's ghost with an axe in his head came out of the fire, staring at Pacifica menacingly. He lunged for her, only for the salt circle to stop him short, and let out a guttural roar of rage.  
  
“Okay, you're here! Great!” Bill walked over to him. “If you're ready to stop acting like a wild animal, we can have a nice little chat. You may notice, there is salt all over this room. You can't leave it. So chill out and tell me what's your issue.”  
  
Gideon moved over to stand near Pacifica's chair, watching the ghost warily.  
  
“The Northwest Line...a line of liars and scoundrels....” The ghost growled.  
  
“Eh, what else is new?” Bill shrugged. “What noble family isn't a hive of scum and villainy? What did they do to you, personally?”  
  
The ghost glared at Pacifica. “They used us. 150 years ago this day, the Northwests asked us lumberfolk to build them a mansion atop the hill. We would told we'd be of service to the town! That once a year, they would throw a grand party, and ALL would share in the bounty!”  
  
“Let me guess, they didn't.” Bill frowned.  
  
“It took years of back-breaking labor and sacrifice, but when it was time for the grand party they promised the common folk of the town, they _refused_ to let us in.” The ghost growled.  
  
“The utter gall.” Gideon frowned.  
  
“Oh no...” Pacifica held her head in her hands.  
  
“I stayed behind to try to convince them to open the gates. Then, with the trees gone, the mudslides began.” The ghost went on. “While they partied and laughed, I was swept away by the storm! My axe was knocked into the air and it struck me in the head, killing me.” He pointed to the axe in his head. “All while Northwest watched from a window...”  
  
“What an asshole.” Bill hissed.  
  
“And so I swore with final breath, 150 years I'll return from death. And if the gates still close to town, wealthy blood will stain the ground!” The ghost declared.  
  
“I think I was shown something that said that once...” Pacifica said quietly. “I thought it was a joke. I mean, curses and stuff...”  
  
“If you waited 150 years, does that mean it wasn't you messing around here the past few years?” Gideon asked.  
  
“Obviously.” The ghost replied.  
  
“Great, we've got two ghosts. Maybe they unearthed a grave while building.” Bill groaned. “We'll worry about the other one later. So, your issue is that they broke their promise to you back then, and now you're back to make sure they do as you said.” He looked at Pacifica.  
  
“My dad definitely isn't going to let just anyone in. I'm going to have to sneak in Candy and Grenda, remember?” Pacifica asked nervously.  
  
“Well, then your dad can be the first to die.” Gideon said flatly. “Followed by everyone else in this place if we don't do as the ghost says.”  
  
“I-I'll talk to him about it!” Pacifica looked at the ghost. “Just give me time!”  
  
“You know he won't listen to you, he'll just pull out that bell again!” Gideon turned to the door. “I'M going to talk to him.”  
  
“Bell?” Bill looked at her.  
  
“Will you give us time? The party starts in an hour, we have until then, right?” Gideon asked the ghost.  
  
“Can't you just fight him?” Pacifica asked Bill.  
  
“No, because I agree with him. If a promise was made, you need to uphold it.” Bill said firmly, then looked at the ghost. “One hour, alright?”  
  
“One hour.” The ghost said, disappearing into the flames as they returned to normal.  
  
“Right...let's go find Preston.” Gideon said, adjusting his amulet.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhh, Gideon, you don't really need your amulet for this. Gideon? Gideon?????????


	106. Negotiation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill and Gideon have a talk with Preston.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“So...what did Gideon mean by 'bell'?” Mabel asked. She had chosen to stay with Pacifica while Bill, Gideon and Dipper went to find Preston.  
  
“My father...uses a small bell to keep me in line. He rings it, and...” Pacifica curled in herself. “I've been...trained to obey it.”  
  
“Isn't that child abuse?!” Mabel gasped.  
  
“You don't understand, the wealthy have...different ways.” Pacifica said glumly.  
  
“No, no. Child abuse is child abuse no matter HOW rich you are. Has he hit you?” Mabel asked.  
  
“No, he's just taken things from me if I didn't obey the bell.” Pacifica said nervously.  
  
“Again, child abuse. Someone needs to teach him a lesson!” Mabel said firmly.  
  
–  
  
“OOF!” Preston groaned in pain as he hit the ground. “Gideon, please, let's talk about this!”  
  
“You would risk the life of EVERYONE here for PRIDE?! You KNEW the ghost was coming, you KNEW about the curse, and you tried to get around it by asking for Bill and I to help you!” Gideon said angrily, his amulet and eyes glowing. Preston was surrounded in an aura in the same color glow.  
  
“Well, you know, if you have other options!” Preston said nervously.  
  
“I'll ask you again.” Bill said firmly. “Open the gates to the people of the town and let the lumberjack have his peace.”  
  
“Never! They're filthy! I have priceless artifacts here, they'll be stolen!” Preston insisted.  
  
“Preston, either you open the gates to the mansion, or I will _hand_ you over to the ghost and _let_ him kill you.” Gideon growled. “Better yet, I'll kill him for you!”  
  
“Uh, Gid.” Bill looked at him.  
  
“Once you're gone, then it'll be up to Pacifica whether those gates open or not! And you won't ever be able to hurt her again!” Gideon said, a manic expression in his eyes.  
  
“S-Stop!” Preston pleaded as he was lifted into the air, his tie constricting his throat. “P-Please!”  
  
“You'll never use that bell to force her to obey you again...” Gideon growled. “I should've done this much soo--”  
  
“Stop!” Bill held out his hand and Preston was surrounded in a yellow aura before he was safely set on the ground. “This is NOT the right way! You said you would never kill again!”  
  
“I...” Gideon looked at his hand, moving it away from the amulet. “...I'm sorry, Bill. I just...the things he's done to Pacifica...and now he's willing to put her and everyone else in harm's way just for the sake of pride...”  
  
“I get it, he's a bad person. But you don't have to sink to his level.” Bill walked over and pulled Preston up by the arm, loosening his tie so he could breathe. “Preston, you can't take it with you. You will be dying for nothing if you do not open those gates. I refuse to fight the ghost for you, when I would be doing the exact same thing were I in his position. Your family made a promise, now prove you're better than a poop-smith and fulfill it.”  
  
Preston looked up at him. “Why are you...helping him? You said you'd help me...”  
  
“I already said.” Bill said firmly. “You want to know why I'm here to have this conversation with you? Because a human as selfish and greedy as you are summoned me, made a deal with me, took everything he could from me, then sealed me in a fucking closet without fulfilling his part of the deal.”  
  
“You swore.” Dipper said off to the side.  
  
“Yes, I did. Sorry.” Bill glanced at him then looked back at Preston. “Honestly, if I hadn't spent so much time with these kids, I probably would kill that human if I saw him again. But, I've changed. I'm not a killer. And you can change and let this ghost rest finally by doing as your family promised. Prove you are worth _anything_ close to what your family claims.”  
  
“But, the wealthy that are coming...the guests...” Preston said nervously. “They'll be upset.”  
  
“Not as upset as they'd be if they found out you sealed their fates by refusing to open the gates for one freakin' night.” Bill said firmly. “If you don't, I will announce it to everyone why they're going to die tonight. Anyone that might survive will spread the word, your social status will fall, your family will suffer, and on the off-chance that you survive no one will ever trust you again.”  
  
Preston seemed to consider this. “...Alright. I-I'll open the gates. It's just one night, right? Next year we can keep it shut, right? It is invite-only...”  
  
“Yeah, okay. Ghost should be at rest after this night, so you shouldn't have to worry about it. Just, you know, maybe do a raffle or something or for people to get tickets in if they spend enough money or whatever.” Bill shrugged, then walked over to Gideon. “You okay?”  
  
“I feel dizzy.” Gideon held his head. “I think it's because I got so worked-up when I haven't had much sleep.”  
  
“Well, yeah.” Bill patted his shoulder. “Let's get you some water. Preston, go open that gate.”  
  
Preston nodded and walked out of the room. Dipper watched him go and then looked at Bill. “Should we follow him?”  
  
“Sure, why not. Water's that way anyway.” Bill nodded and walked with Gideon out of the room. “You're gonna be okay, Gid.”  
  
They followed Preston to the gate control, where he reluctantly placed his hand on it. “Isn't there another way?” He asked, looking at Bill.  
  
“Do you want to live?” Bill asked.  
  
Preston sighed. “I'll...wait until the party is actually starting. The guests aren't even here yet! And it'll give them time to get properly dressed, yes!”  
  
“Oh, I'm not properly dressed.” Dipper looked at himself.  
  
“We still have a half-hour, let's fix that.” Gideon smiled at him.  
  
“I'll...make the announcement.” Preston said reluctantly. “Tell them it's formal dress, and they still have time to change.” He made a face at the clothes of some of the people lining up outside.  
  
“I'll offer to help them with formal clothes if they have none.” Gideon suggested. “I'll be alright, Bill. I feel less dizzy now. Why don't you go tell Mabel and Pacifica?”  
  
“You sure you'll be okay?” Bill asked.  
  
Gideon nodded and went out with Preston to talk to the people lined up.  
  
–  
  
“He's really going to do it?” Pacifica asked.  
  
“He says so. He's telling the people to get formal clothes on, and Gideon is offering to help them get some if they don't have any.” Bill shrugged. “Guess we'll find out in a half-hour, huh?”  
  
“Oh, I'm not dressed for a party.” Mabel looked at herself.  
  
“Well...I do have some dresses you could wear.” Pacifica suggested.  
  
“Oh!” Mabel hopped up from her chair. “That sounds great!”  
  
“Uhm...can I get up now? Is that okay?” Pacifica looked at Bill.  
  
“Probably. The ghost won't manifest again until the party starts, so I think you're safe.” Bill nodded.  
  
“Good.” Pacifica got up and left the room. “Come on, Mabel. I'll show you all my dresses.”  
  
“Ohh, how about that one you wore for Summerween?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Oh, Mabel, I have so many other beautiful ones. Let's not reuse one so soon after it's been worn.” Pacifica said as they walked away. “Besides, your fake wedding dress was MUCH lovelier.”  
  
“Those two are gonna be good in-laws.” Bill remarked, watching them go.

“I know _I_ like having Pacifica for another sister.” Dipper smiled.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How many people is Gideon going to try to kill by the end of this? Exactly how many has he already killed to be so used to it?
> 
> Anyways, we have a gate to open!


	107. Fancy Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gates are open and the party begins!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“It's almost time...” Pacifica said nervously, looking out the window. “Do I look okay?” She looked at Mabel.  
  
“You look fine. How about me? How do I look?” Mabel asked.  
  
Pacifica looked her over appraisingly. Mabel was dressed in a beautiful floor-length pink dress that had poofy sleeves and gold glitter on the skirt. She was wearing a borrowed heart-shaped necklace that rested just above her bodice. The neckline of her dress stopped just below her collarbone and she was wearing silken white gloves and white shoes.  
  
“It's missing something.” Pacifica went to her closet, opening drawers.  
  
“Uhm...what?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Let's see...” Pacifica pulled out a box and opened it. “Ah! Here we go!” She pulled out a glittering tiara and walked over to put it on Mabel's head. “There we are.”  
  
“Oh, Pacifica.” Mabel blushed a bit. “You should be wearing the tiara, not me.”  
  
“ _I'm_ not Gideon's princess.” Pacifica winked at her.  
  
“Silly.” Mabel giggled, then noticed a green dress that was resting on the bed. “What's that?”  
  
“Oh...” Pacifica looked down. “It's a dress I wanted to wear tonight...I was hoping I could talk my parents into it, but it's unlikely...”  
  
“You know what? Wear it.” Mabel said firmly. “If your parents have a problem with it, they can take it up with me.”  
  
“Are you sure?” Pacifica asked. “They might be really mad...”  
  
“Pacifica, you will look gorgeous in that dress. Go put it on. The party hasn't started yet. You go wear what YOU want to wear.” Mabel placed her hand on Pacifica's shoulder. “Do it for yourself. Stop worrying about appearances.”  
  
“O-Okay...I'll do it.” Pacifica nodded. “But, if they ring the bell...”  
  
“Then I swear I will take it and feed it to the goat.” Mabel said firmly.  
  
Pacifica giggled. “Well, okay! I'll go change!” She walked over to her bed to change.  
  
“Do you want to wear any earrings?” Pacifica asked as she changed.  
  
“I notice you're not asking for help.” Mabel commented.  
  
“Oh, uh...” Pacifica giggled a bit. “I've been practicing undressing and dressing myself ever since I went into the bunker with Bill. He was kind of annoyed about needing to help me unfasten my dress.”  
  
“Well, with some of those dresses, you'd need help unfastening anyway.” Mabel smiled.  
  
“That's true. Why do I trap myself so much?” Pacifica asked, letting the purple and pink dress she was wearing slip down her shoulders.  
  
“Ah, the life of a rich girl.” Mabel said, nodding in a sagely manner.  
  
–  
  
“Gideon, you still don't look so good.” Bill commented.  
  
“Is it the tie?” Gideon asked, looking in the mirror.  
  
“No, I mean health-wise.” Bill chuckled. “Your suit looks fine. And thanks for getting one for Pine Tree.”  
  
“We still need to find that other ghost.” Gideon sighed. “I guess it can wait, though. It's relatively harmless, no curse attached. It's not Native American, the usual signs haven't manifested.”  
  
“Usual signs?” Bill asked.  
  
“Oh, bugs, really bad luck, stuff like that. It was probably someone that got buried on their favorite hill, or a criminal that got buried with no headstone. Or maybe someone that was murdered and buried in an unmarked grave to hide the evidence. Either way it was before the mansion was built.” Gideon shrugged.  
  
“We'll worry about it later.” Bill shrugged. “You should really get some sleep after this is over, Gideon. You look like you're going to pass out at any moment.”  
  
“Mm...” Gideon nodded, rubbing at his head. “Feels a bit warm in here, I'm going to the party.” He walked out of the room.  
  
“Poor Gideon.” Dipper looked at Bill. “Is he going to be okay?”  
  
“Hope so.” Bill frowned.  
  
–  
  
“It's starting soon...” Preston checked his pocket-watch. “No sign of the ghost yet.” He walked up to the lounge and looked in. “Seems...quiet in there.”  
  
“Preston.” Bill walked up to him, Dipper in his arms. “It's time to pull the lever. The gates have to open.”  
  
“I know, I know!” Preston said anxiously. “The other guests are here now, I have no more excuses...I'm just so worried about what they'll think!”  
  
“With the dress-code, you won't be ashamed.” Bill rolled his eyes. “Even if they DO act 'common'.”  
  
“Fine, fine. I'm on my way.” Preston sighed and walked past him. Bill turned to walk behind him, glancing back at the lounge one more time before turning the corner.  
  
They got to the party hall and Bill paused to look at a tapestry. “Preston, what is this?”  
  
“Oh, that? It's a tapestry passed down in my family for many, many years. You...you don't recognize it?” Preston looked at him.  
  
“...Why...can't I see through this image of me?” Bill asked, walking up and placing his hand on the tapestry. His own image, a triangle with one eye, stared down at him menacingly as people bowed below it and trees burned.  
  
“That's you?” Dipper asked. “But, he's...black.”  
  
Bill sighed. “...That's who I used to be. I'm not...that person anymore. I don't thrive on chaos and mayhem and the misery and pain of others.” He turned away from the tapestry. “...Let's...get away from this thing.”  
  
“Why is it so angry?” Dipper asked, looking at the tapestry. “Red means anger, right?”  
  
“Yeah...” Bill nodded, carrying Dipper away.  
  
“'llo, Bill.” Gideon said, waving them over. The person he was talking to stepped away to get some punch. “Have you seen Pacifica and Mabel yet?”  
  
“Not since they went off to play dress-up.” Bill shrugged. “Want me to go find them?”  
  
“No, it's alright. They'll show up.” Gideon walked off to get a drink.  
  
Bill shrugged and looked over to watch Preston approach the gate lever. The door opened and people started to come inside, looking around in wonder and awe at the decorations. Candy and Grenda came in among the first group, looking around before they went to Gideon – probably asking where Pacifica was, based on the earlier conversation.  
  
“Look at all the people.” Dipper said, looking around.  
  
“It's horrible.” Pacifica's mother lamented nearby.  
  
“Deal with it.” Bill said, looking to the side. The fireplace at the middle of the fancy stairwell was flickering with blue flame and then he heard “At last...” before it returned to normal color.  
  
“He's gone.” Gideon walked over to Bill. “It's done, he's finally at rest.”  
  
“Now we just need to find the other one.” Bill chuckled.  
  
“One ghost at a time, this has been a wild night.” Gideon shook his head then looked at the stairwell, gasping. Bill and Dipper looked over as well and Dipper made an “Ohhhhhh!” sound.  
  
Mabel and Pacifica were come down the stairs side-by-side, Mabel in a gorgeous pink dress and Pacifica in a green dress. They were giggling and talking as they came down. On their heads were tiaras with fancy earring on their ears. They looked the picture of beauty.  
  
“Mabel, you're here.” Gideon approached her, extending a hand.  
  
“I'm here, too.” Pacifica said, stepping to the side to give them space.  
  
“How do I look?” Mabel asked, blushing.  
  
“You look like the most beautiful creature that's ever existed.” Gideon said, kissing her hand gently. “May I have this dance?”  
  
“You may.” Mabel curtsied and then walked off with him to the dance floor.  
  
“Pacifica!” Candy and Grenda came up to her together and hugged her.  
  
“I can't believe your father did this.” Grenda said, gesturing around them with one hand.  
  
“Well, he didn't really want to.” Pacifica admitted.  
  
“Was he hypnotized?” Candy asked.  
  
“More like threatened.” Pacifica took their hands. “I'll tell you everything later, but for now let's enjoy the party.”  
  
“Little Miss Northwest, you look good!” Bill said, waving to her and setting Dipper down.  
  
“Thank you, Bill! And you look the same as ever!” She laughed.  
  
“Why change what's already perfect?” Bill gestured to his suit and bowtie.  
  
The girls laughed in response.  
  
“So, am I going to hear what went on tonight?” Tad asked, walking up to him with McGucket.  
  
“Yeah, I'll tell you it over bread later. Hey, Fids.” Bill waved. “What's the laptop for?”  
  
“I remembered the password.” McGucket said grimly. “There's something bad coming. It's counting down to--”  
  
“GIDEON!” Mabel cried out in a panic.  
  
Bill looked over to see Mabel and Dipper next to Gideon, who had collapsed on the floor. “...Gid?” He breathed, rushing over.  
  
“Oh no.” Tad frowned and followed him, McGucket close behind.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor kid just can't catch a break this week, can he?!


	108. Vision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gideon has a vision of something terrible coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

_Fire consumed the buildings and trees as people ran in terror and screamed. A red cloth shifted in the wind as a menacing X loomed overhead in the sky, like a crack had burst open. Then it was dark, and a circular object started to glow. A cloaked figure with glowing bug-like eyes stepped out of the glow, and then there was a flash of sharp teeth and high-pitched laughter. And then darkness.  
_  
 _“Let's party_ _.”_  
  
–  
Gideon gasped sharply as his eyes snapped open, his eyes shaking as well as his entire body. “W-Water.” He breathed.  
  
“He needs water!” Mabel cried, looking around. Pacifica quickly went and got him some, coming right back with it.  
  
“You okay, Gid? I told you that you should rest.” Bill said, frowning.  
  
Gideon groaned and shook his head after drinking some water. “Paper...my bag, sketchbook. Pacifica, you know--”  
  
“I'll get it.” Pacifica nodded and headed off.  
  
“What do you need a sketchbook for?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Fire...screams...a red cloth...an X in the sky...I can't describe everything...I need to draw it to make sense of it.” Gideon explained.  
  
“A vision.” Preston said, walking up with Pacifica. “You had a vision again?”  
  
Gideon nodded and took the sketchbook and pencil when Pacifica offered it, opening it to a fresh page and starting to draw.  
  
“Does he have these visions often?” Bill asked.  
  
“Not too often, and when he does they always come true.” Preston replied.  
  
Bill looked at Tad and McGucket. “...You said there was a countdown? How long do we have?”  
  
“...21 hours. It might be related, but I don't know if it's what he had a vision about.” Tad replied.  
  
“21 hours...That's less than a day. You mean, something's going to happen tomorrow?” Bill looked towards the tapestry. “That's so short-notice...”  
  
“Gideon...how long until your visions take place?” Bill looked at him.  
  
“Anywhere from a few days to a month.” Gideon said, continuing to draw.  
  
“So...there's a bug coming?” Dipper asked, pointing to the person in front of the glowing circle.  
  
“Isn't that the portal behind him?” Mabel frowned.  
  
“That can't be, the portal is off. I checked it last night.” Bill frowned and looked around. “...Where's Stan?”  
  
“I dunno, we've been here all day.” Mabel shrugged. “Give him a call?”  
  
“Yeah.” Bill pulled out his phone and dialed Stan's number. It rang up to 13 times before he hung up. “He's not answering.”  
  
“Maybe he went to bed.” Dipper shrugged. “Gideon, are you gonna be okay?”  
  
“Mmhm.” Gideon nodded. “Sorry about scaring you, darlin'.” He looked at Mabel.  
  
“I'm just glad you're alright.” Mabel kissed his cheek. “Hey, guess what? After we moved you to this couch and everyone calmed down, Pacifica introduced Grenda to a guy and they really hit it off.”  
  
“Really?” Gideon looked back at his drawing.  
  
“What's that?” Dipper pointed to what he was drawing.  
  
“This...is a red cloth. I don't know what it is, it's just a red cloth. It could be anything from a scarf or a cape to a flag.” Gideon shrugged.  
  
“I'm really concerned about Stan not answering his phone.” Bill looked to the side. “Pine Tree, do you mind if we go?”  
  
“But, I wanna stay.” Dipper frowned.  
  
“Alright, alright. I'll try calling him again.” Bill went to dial his phone again, but Tad stopped him.  
  
“Panicking is not going to help anything. Maybe he's really just asleep.” Tad suggested. “Calm down, enjoy the party. If something happens, we'll deal with it.”  
  
Bill sighed and put his phone away. “...Fine. I'll...check on the portal later, then.”  
  
“Good idea.” Tad nodded. “Gideon, are you going to be alright?”  
  
“I'll have a headache for a little bit, but I'll be fine. Go on and enjoy the party, I'll join you when I've finished this.” Gideon replied.  
  
“I'll stay with him. You guys go have fun.” Mabel told them.  
  
“Darlin', you can go have fun too.” Gideon told her, looking up from his work.  
  
“I'd rather stay with you. You owe me a dance.” Mabel grinned at him.  
  
“Okaaaay, let's leave the lovebirds be.” Bill steered Dipper away. “C'mon, Tad, Fids! Hey, Fids, where's Shifty?”  
  
“He didn't want to come.” McGucket shrugged. “Said it was too many people, too confusing.”  
  
“Ah, I can understand that.” Bill nodded, walking away with them.  
  
Gideon watched them go and then went back to drawing.  
  
“Any idea what this is?” Mabel asked. “Is it a monster? What's coming out of the portal?”  
  
“You know, I'm not sure. I'm going to agree with your brother, it looks like a weird bug person.” Gideon nodded.  
  
Mabel giggled. “We better have lots of bug-spray ready then!”  
  
“Fire's good against bugs, too.” Gideon commented.  
  
“Like we really need more fires set in the basement.” Mabel rolled her eyes.  
  
“It survived before.” Gideon grinned.

–

“So, we're turning it on again?” Tyrone asked as he helped Stan work on the controls.  
  
“It's almost time, I can feel it.” Stan replied. “I just need to keep Bill out of here...maybe send him and the kids out to town for something.” He pulled a switch.  
  
“I'm sure you'll think of something, Mr. Stan.” Tyrone said, watching the portal come on.  
  
“I always do.” Stan shrugged.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's all sing the DOOM SONG!  
> Doom-doom-doom-doom-doo--*gets knocked out by Bill*  
> Bill: I hate that song.


	109. Antigravity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan sends the kids off with Bill for the day, but his plan isn't going as, well, planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Tyrone's staying in the wax museum room?” Bill asked.  
  
“Yep. There's another leak down there, I gotta fix it. I don't want any of the kids going down there, and someone's gotta watch them.” Stan shrugged. “By the way, can you take the kids shopping today? I've made up a list of stuff we need, it's on the kitchen table. Adding Blendin to the household took a lot of our supplies.”  
  
“Sorry!” Blendin called from the living room.  
  
“Not to mention feeding the lizards.” Stan shrugged.  
  
“Alright, I'll do that. Can I use your car?” Bill asked.  
  
“Feel free.” Stan shrugged. “Hey, uh, I heard Gideon had another vision. Is he feeling alright? I haven't seen him yet today.”  
  
“He's alright. He's not coming in, said he wanted to get started on that memory-restoring potion.” Bill looked at Tyrone. “Sucks that you have to move your bed again.”  
  
“Well, any liquid...” Tyrone sighed.  
  
“We gotta get you a hazmat suit.” Bill said, grinning. “I'll see if I can get any in town.” He walked off to the kitchen.  
  
“...I can't believe that worked.” Tyrone whispered.  
  
“I told you, I do this all the time.” Stan whispered back.  
  
–  
  
“Bye, Grunkle Stan!” Mabel waved as they got in the car.  
  
“Don't get caught driving without a license!” Stan called, laughing and waving as they left. Then he pulled back his sleeve to look at a stopwatch counting down. “Just seven more hours...finally.” He breathed, looking at the building. “That should be enough time for...what's that?” He noticed a red light on his forehead and gasped. “Oh, shit.”  
  
He ducked out of the way just as men in black SWAT uniforms came out of the bushes. One of them jumped on him and he hit the ground hard. “OOF!”  
  
“Target secured!” Agent Trigger said, walking up to him. “Take the house!”  
  
Helicopters flew overhead and landed around the building. Tyrone hid from view and escaped into the basement, closing it behind him.  
  
–  
  
“Huh, that's funny. He's not answering his phone.” Bill frowned, looking at his cell-phone. “Again. In fact, it seems to be turned off.”  
  
“Gideon!” Mabel greeted.  
  
“Mabel, there's trouble at the Mystery Shack!” Gideon said, looking worried. “There's SWAT teams all over, the place is surrounded!”  
  
“What?” Mabel gasped. “Is Grunkle Stan okay?!”  
  
“I didn't see him.” Gideon admitted. “I took the Gobblewonker and dinos into my sub-dimension, their vanishing might be distracting them enough for us to go in. Midna will take care of them, she said.”  
  
“Who's Midna?” Bill asked.  
  
“His dragon friend. Bill, we gotta go!” Mabel turned to him.  
  
Bill nodded. “Shopping can wait, let's get back to the Shack!”  
  
They got into Stan's car and Bill drove them back. Gideon cast a spell on them to make them invisible so they could get past the men guarding the road.  
  
“That's a pitiful blockade.” Bill muttered as they passed right by them.  
  
“Be glad for it.” Gideon whispered. “What are they here for?”  
  
“We'll find out.” Bill said firmly.  
  
They parked and Bill started to open the door when gravity suddenly reversed itself for a few moments before dropping them back down. “Oh boy...hope no one investigates that.” He said, closing the door quietly and waiting.  
  
“What was that?” Mabel asked.  
  
“I don't know. I heard of something like that happening thirty years ago, and it's been happening off and on since last night.” Gideon said, shaking his head. “It's not anything supernatural, I've already checked.”  
  
“So, what could it be?” Dipper asked.  
  
“...The portal.” Bill breathed, and then he threw open his door and dashed out.  
  
“Bill, wait!” They got out and ran in after him, just in time for him to throw a few guys out the nearest window on the way to the vending machine.  
  
“Gideon, put up a shield! Don't let them in! And clear the building out!” Bill said, typing in the code and opening it.  
  
“Yes, sir!” Gideon said, starting to cast a spell.  
  
“What's going on?” Mabel asked, shrieking as gravity reversed itself for a few moments again.  
  
“The last time this happened was thirty years ago, Gideon said! Think about what happened thirty years ago!” Bill called back as he walked to the elevator.  
  
“I'm coming, too!” Dipper followed Bill.  
  
“So am I!” Gideon followed him with Mabel right behind.  
  
They approached the elevator and found Tyrone sitting by it. “Tyrone, where is Stan?” Bill asked.  
  
“He got taken away by that Trigger guy that came before.” Tyrone said, hugging his knees to his chest. “I've been hiding here.”  
  
“Tyrone, what is Stan hiding?” Bill asked. “Tell me honestly. Is the portal on?” Tyrone was silent before he slowly nodded. Bill bit back a curse and punched the wall, making everyone jolt. “DAMN IT! He promised not to mess with it until you guys had left! Why is it on?!” He moved his hand away from the wall. “Tyrone, move. I'm going to turn it off.”  
  
“Mr. Stan said not to turn it off. It was really important it not be turned off.” Tyrone stood up.  
  
“Gideon had a vision, something is going to come through that portal.” Mabel said firmly. “What was it, Gideon?”  
  
“I couldn't tell. It had glowing eyes and was cloaked. The glow from behind didn't help.” Gideon shook his head.  
  
“Anyways, it's something bad and we have to stop it!” Mabel insisted.  
  
“No, I can't let you through! He has been working on this for a long time, he can't have it fail now!” Tyrone snapped. “He just wants him back!” He covered his mouth.  
  
“'Him'?” Gideon asked.  
  
“I said too much.” Tyrone looked to the side.  
  
“You don't mean...let me through!” Bill shoved Tyrone out of the way and opened the elevator. “There's no way he's coming back, no way! I'm shutting that thing off!”  
  
“Is he talking about The Author?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Great, his ex is coming back.” Gideon remarked.  
  
“Are you guys coming, or are you going to gossip?” Bill asked impatiently.  
  
“We're coming!” The trio piled into the elevator with him. Tyrone groaned and looked up from the floor as the elevator went down.  
  
“Sorry, Mr. Stan...” Tyrone sighed.

–

Stan raced through the woods, panting heavily. “I gotta be there when it happens!” He winced as a branch cut his arm. “Gah!” He ducked under cover when he saw an elevator flying overhead and then went on. “Oh man, I hope the kids are okay...it's a good thing I sent them away just in time! I can trust Bill to protect them.”  
  
He saw the Mystery Shack and noticed the SWAT teams had all left the area – looking for him, most likely. He checked his stopwatch and saw it said 5 minutes and 30 seconds, counting down. “Alright, almost there. Hang on, buddy. I'm coming.”  
  
He got inside and gasped, seeing the basement door wide open. “Oh no. Oh no no no.” He ran in and looked at Tyrone, who was rubbing his head. “Tyrone, who did this to you?”  
  
“Bill. He just shoved me, I'm okay. He's really mad, Mr. Stan.” Tyrone looked up at him. “He's going to turn it off.”  
  
“No, no, no!” Stan got into the elevator and headed down. “I gotta stop him!”  
–

“So, he was hiding all this behind the tarp. Not just the portal.” Gideon said, looking around at all the machinery.  
  
“It's really on...” Bill approached the portal, his gaze straight ahead. “Why would he...how could he be so stupid?” He turned to the others. “We have to turn it off.”  
  
“You've got to be kidding me!” Gideon picked up the 1st Journal. “Stanford had this, all this time?! No wonder he wanted to see ours!”  
  
“It's the 1st Journal...” Dipper walked over and climbed on the chair to look at it.  
  
“Where did he get it?” Mabel asked.  
  
“The Author, duh.” Bill said, glaring at the portal. “Find the kill-switch.”  
  
“The what?” Mabel asked.  
  
“The kill-switch! The switch to turn it off!” Bill snapped.  
  
“Bill, you're scaring me.” Mabel said, frowning.  
  
“Let's check the book.” Gideon opened Journal 1 and turned a few pages. “Found it! There's three keys.”  
  
“There! Gideon, Mabel, help me with this!” Bill went over to a machine that said “Manual Override” with three keys on it. “We have to turn these at the same time.”  
  
“Right.” Mabel and Gideon went over and stood at the ready.  
  
“On three. One, two, three!” Bill said as they turned it in unison. A lever nearby opened up with a blinking button on the top.  
  
“There.” Bill walked over to it, just as another wave of anti-gravity hit. “Gideon, get Shooting Star and Pine Tree under a shield!” He yelled, floating towards the switch.  
  
“Alright!” Gideon grabbed Mabel's hand and levitated them over to Dipper, where he put up a shield around them that kept them all grounded.  
  
Bill nodded firmly and raised his hand to push the button.  
  
“Wait!” Stan cried, coming into the room. “Don't touch that button!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well....crap.


	110. He's Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The portal is open, and someone comes through. Is it good or is it bad?  
> Depends on who you ask.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

"Bill, wait! Please!" Stan cried, stepping towards where the demon stood in front of the glowing portal. The emergency shut-off switch was open, Bill's hand just inches above it as he floated in the air, unaffected by the anti-gravity around him.

"I tried to tell you before, Stan! His return, this portal opening - it's all a bad idea!" Bill said, looking at the kids all huddled together under the shield before he looked back at the switch. "I have to stop it!"

"I'm begging you, don't!" Stan cried. "I just want him back! Please! I feel so empty with him gone!"

Bill hesitated above the button, considering his words, and then he looked from the kids and then back to Stan.

"A door goes two ways, Stan!" He cried. "Are you willing to take the chance that something ELSE might come through that door? That he might not come at ALL? Are you willing to risk EVERYTHING?!"

"I've spent thirty years trying to get him back! I just know it's him coming! It's gotta be!" Stan insisted, tears forming in his eyes. "Can't you use your Sight, see if it's him?! You can see everything, can't you?! Past, present, and future?!"

Bill sighed and moved his hands up to his eye, forming a triangle. "Alright...I'll see if--"

They were cut short by the the portal blasting open wide. The antigravity suddenly reversed and things fell from where they had been floating. Bill quickly left the switch and pulled off his coat, throwing it over Stan to protect him as the debris fell around them.

It was silent, save for the hum of the portal. Stan moved Bill's coat off him and looked next to him to see Bill holding his leg, which a beam had fallen onto. "Bill!" He quickly got up and moved the beam, looking at his leg. "Does it hurt?"

"It'll go away. Thing about temporary physical forms, the pain will go away when the form does." Bill said with a wince.

"Are you okay?!" Dipper called in concern.

"Sorry, I couldn't expand the shield that far!" Gideon said, lowering the shield magic to let the others run to the duo.

"No, no. It's fine. I made sure Stan was safe." Bill grinned. "See? Indestructible coat." He patted it, then glanced towards the portal. "...He's here."

"Who is?" Dipper asked. Bill silently pushed himself to his feet and pulled his coat back on, covering up his wound with it.

A lone figure was standing in the light of the portal. They stepped forward and away from the machine, pausing to pick up the 1st Journal that had fallen when the antigravity reversed. Stan stood up and dusted himself off, trying to make himself look presentable.

"Who is that?" Mabel asked.

"The Author of the Journals." Bill said in a dry tone.

"My brother." Stan said, holding back tears of happiness.

The portal suddenly shut down and the room was consumed by darkness, save for the dim lighting of the basement. Tyrone peeked out from under Stan's desk and then hid again. The Author put the book in his inside coat pocket and then seemed to notice the crowd. Or rather, one person in particular.

"YOU!" He grabbed his gun and aimed it at Bill, powering up the weapon.

"Nice to see you again too, Sixer." Bill said, fastening his coat nonchalantly.

"Why are you here?! With him?!" He looked at Stan, then back at Bill.

"Oh, well, after you sealed me away in the attic, I languished for 30 years until I was finally found by someone and partnered with them so I could leave the damn place. Then they used magic to give me a temporary physical form so I could help out around the place." Bill shrugged. "It wasn't Stan, before you make assumptions."

"Who would be stupid enough to make a partnership with you after all my warnings?!" The man snapped.

"You mean the ones you made sure weren't all in the same place? By the way, invisible ink? Really? Why would you do that for something like a prevention method? And don't even get me started on the Gremob--" He was cut off by the gun firing and barely missing his cheek.

"Stop. Talking." The Author scowled. "And don't you DARE move! I'm going to do to you what I should've done YEARS ago--"

"No!" Dipper moved between them and pulled Bill down to his level, making sure he was behind him. "Don't hurt Bill! He's already been hurt today!"

"A...child?" The Author gaped at him.

"Stanford Pines, meet Dipper Pines. " Bill introduced, standing up and lifting Dipper into his arms. "My partner. The girl here is his older sister, Mabel Pines. And if you're ready to put the gun down, we can talk in a CIVIL manner."

"Stanford?" Dipper looked at Bill, then at Stan. "But, that's YOUR name..."

“Actually, I was going to tell you when I came to the Shack earlier, McGucket remembered someone else as Stanford.” Gideon said grimly. “Someone with six fingers, not five.”

"I just took my brother's name, that's all. I had to keep the house, didn't I? Imagine if someone else found this thing!" Stan motioned to the portal. "Thirty years ago, my brother went through that thing. And now he's back."

"But...I'm confused." Dipper frowned, pointing at them one after the other. "If  _you're_ Stanford, and  _you're_ Stanford..." He looked a bit dizzy. "Uhm..."

"Hang in there." Bill smiled and rubbed his head.

"What's...your real name?" Dipper asked, looking at Stan.

"...Stanley, actually." Stan admitted.

"But I heard from my grandpa, Stanley Pines died! You even told Susan that!” Mabel protested.

"Yeah, I faked my own death. I had too many bad folks looking for me and I couldn't be both Stanford and Stanley so I killed myself - metaphorically." Stan explained.

"Why were bad folks looking for you?" Dipper asked.

"Bad folks like Rico?" Gideon asked, taking Mabel's hand in his.

"Rico?" Stanford glanced at him.

Stan sighed. "...Well, now that's a long story. One that I guess...we should tell you. It all started with a boat."

Stanford lowered his gun and turned it off, sighing. "That was a long, long time ago. We found a boat in a cave, and decided to fix it up. We were...your age, actually.” He looked at Mabel.  
  
“My brother and I did everything together.” Stan said, sighing. “Best friends, us against the world. Even against our dad, sometimes. I'd help Ford against bullies, he'd help me with my studies. Win-win. And we were always together. Every event, we celebrated together, no matter whose it was. An inseparable team.”  
  
“Until Senior Year.” Stanford said grimly. “I was selected for a prestigious school, if I impressed them with my science project. I would be going far away from Glass Shard Beach, far away from home! Stan...didn't take it well.”  
  
“We had always said we'd travel the world on a boat, finding treasure and babes and stuff.” Stan sighed. “Turns out...Ford was changing his mind and never told me. When he finally did, I...reacted badly. I went to his project the night before the event and ranted at it, slammed my hand on the table near it. I did knock something loose, but I put it back in good as new and made sure it was still working when I left! But when Ford showed it off the next day, it was badly damaged.”  
  
“I blamed Stan.” Stanford said firmly. “I saw his favorite treat, toffee peanuts, sitting on the floor and assumed he did it. I went home and yelled at him, and when dad found out he threw Stan out on the streets. And I didn't stop him.”  
  
Mabel frowned. “If he was there the night before and the toffee peanuts were still there the next day, it was either a plant by someone that wanted to not only tear you two apart and screw up your project, or you had the worst janitor in the history of janitors.”  
  
“You know, she's got a point.” Bill remarked.  
  
“Well, the damage was done. Stan was kicked out, and I went on to Backupsmore, another college.” Stanford sighed heavily. “That's where I met Fiddleford McGucket, a brilliant scientist.”  
  
“Oh, yes, VERY brilliant.” Gideon said, miming shooting himself in the head.  
  
“He killed himself?” Stanford frowned.  
  
“Zzzzzzzzap!” Mabel explained enthusiastically.  
  
“So, you left your brother to suffer on the street because you were too stupid to consider that someone else could've done it.” Gideon said firmly. “That sounds like you, alright.”  
  
“Excuse me? Who are you supposed to be and how would you know me?” Stanford demanded.  
  
Gideon pulled out the 2nd Journal from his bag and held it up. “My name is Gideon Gleeful. I'm the Supernatural Ambassador of this here town, and they don't like you.”  
  
“You were mean to F, and to Bill, and to everyone!” Dipper nodded. “And also mean to Stan!”  
  
“Hey, hey.” Bill gently pulled Dipper to face him and knelt down to look at him. “That's enough of that, alright? We don't need to bombard him. Gideon's doing enough. Besides, he's probably confused.”  
  
“Wait a minute, these are the children that were in Globnar!” Stanford suddenly exclaimed.  
  
Bill froze. Stan and Gideon looked at each other, confused.  
  
“What's Globnar?” Gideon asked.  
  
“It's a multiverse gladiator tournament.” Stanford explained. “I saw them there not long ago!”  
  
“...Soos' birthday.” Mabel admitted. “We got kidnapped by Time Cops and had to compete for our freedom. That's where Blendin came from.” Mabel explained.  
  
“You said he was sent here because Tad had told them about Bill, Mabel!” Stan looked at her.  
  
“Actually, Tad doesn't know about it, either.” Bill admitted.”At least, we didn't tell him. Wait a minute, you were THERE?!” He looked at Stanford.  
  
“In the audience.” Stanford frowned. “To think it was YOU with them...”  
  
“Nevermind that, Stanford, what makes you think you can come here waving a gun around?” Gideon demanded.  
  
“Grunkle Stan?” Dipper asked.  
  
“No, the other one.” Gideon told him.  
  
“Uhhm...uh...let's call you Stanley!” Dipper declared.  
  
“...Pardon?” Stan and Stanford looked at him.  
  
“You're gonna be Grunkle Lee!” Dipper beamed.  
  
“Why?” Stanford demanded.

“Because everyone knows Grunkle Stan as Stanford and he's been here longer so he gets to keep the name. But you can be his long-lost brother Stanley, who isn't dead after all!” Dipper said excitedly.  
  
“...It...does make sense.” Stanford sighed. “Fine. I concede. For now.”  
  
“Yay!” Dipper cheered.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gideon really doesn't like this guy.


	111. Roommates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ford is back in his old home, but where will he sleep?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

"Well, it's been a long day for everyone, so let's settle in for the night." Stan suggested, then turned to Gideon. "Gideon, are you gonna need a ride home? Won't your parents be worried?"

"I do have to get back to my potion. But I can find my own way home, don't worry. I'll make sure the government is gone while I'm out there." Gideon nodded. "I'll call you tomorrow, after you've had some rest." He promised Mabel before he reluctantly left her side and headed to the elevator.

“Shoot, I forgot about them. Uh, good luck with that.” Stan laughed.  
  
“Don't worry.” Gideon smiled slyly. “They aren't the first, they won't be the last.” He pushed the elevator button and stepped inside when it opened.  
  
"Sleep well, Gideon! Talk to you tomorrow!" Mabel blew a kiss and waved until the elevator closed.

"That's a good idea, I've been needing some sleep." Ford commented.

"Oh, sure, and where are you gonna sleep? Stan, the kids and I have the only bedrooms here." Bill scoffed. “Unless you want to join Blendin in the wax museum?”

"Your physical form is only temporary, you don't even need a bedroom!" Ford glared at him.

"Yeah, but he's earned a bed and he's not sleeping with the kids. Suck it up and share the bed or sleep on the couch, Ford." Stan sighed heavily.

"Lee." Dipper corrected, to Ford's dropped jaw. "You're Stanford, remember?"

"Oh yeah." Stan shrugged with a grin. "Got confused for a bit there!"

Ford huffed and headed for the elevator. "Stole my name, my house, my bed, my future..." He grumbled as he went.

"Well, maybe next time your assistant tells you to take the unstable portal apart, you'll do it?" Bill remarked sarcastically.

"Y-You were messing with my head! Taking over me, getting in my way! I had to hide the Journals! I had to warn people!" Ford hit the elevator button. "You were a monster!"

"I was trying to ensure you fulfilled your end of the deal! You didn't HAVE to involve your brother, you know. And he didn't HAVE to bring you back! You know how many times I told him not to?" Bill glared at him.

"Bill..." Mabel said with a warning tone.

The elevator opened and Ford and Bill stepped inside. "He shouldn't have done it at all. What if he screwed up? What if someone else--something else--came through instead?" Ford grumbled.

"Then they would've had to deal with me." Bill sighed and leaned against the wall as the elevator closed and it started to go up. "Look...let's just...TRY to get along, for the kids' sake. They're only here until the end of summer, and then we can go back to hating each other. Deal?" He held out a hand.

Ford glared at his hand. "...It's not on fire..."

"Yeah, it's not a Deal deal, it's just a human-type deal that's not binding in any way past trusting each other not to break it." Bill shifted his wrist. "So, deal?"

"...Fine." Ford took his hand and shook it. "But once this summer is over, you're getting out, Stan is getting out, I'm taking back my identity and home, and moving on with my life!" The elevator opened and he stepped out.

"Stan's getting out? So, what, you're just gonna throw him back on the streets? After he spent 30 years in this hick town making money just so he could pay off the mortgage on your house and get supplies to fix your portal?" Bill stepped out after him. "You know, based on Stan's story I can tell you one thing. You have NEVER learned gratitude. EVER."

"Gee, listen to the demon giving me lessons on morality." Ford scoffed.

Bill clenched his fists and walked in front of him, stopping him in his tracks. "I'm going to say this only once, and you BETTER remember it. If you hurt Stan or these children or, hell, ANYONE in this town, I will personally make sure you regret everything you did or said, is that clear?"

Ford narrowed his eyes at him. "After all you've done, you think you can stand here and judge what I might do?"

"It's BECAUSE I've done so much wrong that I know what's right and how to NOT treat people. And throwing your brother out on the streets--AGAIN-- is NOT right." He poked a finger against Ford's chest. "Get this through your head, LEE. You're not Stanford anymore. You haven't been Stanford for years. No one alive anymore remembers you as Stanford aside from McGucket and he's perfectly happy with the Stanford he's got--the one that's NOT constantly putting him in danger 'for the sake of science'! So accept your role and let Stan live the life he's been living in this town since before those kids' PARENTS were born!" He turned and stormed off to his room.

Ford clenched his fists. "You think you can tell me--"

"Grunkle Lee." Mabel's voice interrupted him and he looked over his shoulder to see she'd come up by herself. "Whatever issue you have with Grunkle Stan and Bill, don't bring it up around Dipper. He's too little to see you guys fighting all the time." She walked past him. "Try to get along, for Dipper's sake? He's just a little kid." She stopped at the stairs and looked at him. "And don't worry. You won't be stuck alone with Bill in that room. Dipper keeps coming down and cuddling in his bed. There's a couch in that room, and I can knit you a blanket if you don't want to share the bed with Bill."

"How are you so trusting of this demon? Don't you know what he is?" Ford asked.

"Bill said that he used to be a bad person. He killed a lot of people, did a lot of crimes, and his real body is trapped in a dying dimension. But, he's throwing his body away for the sake of this town. Think about that." Mabel turned to the stairs. "When another demon tried to kill me during a play, he defended me. The demon was part of his old group of friends, and he went against him, renounced them. For us. Whatever he was before, he's not anymore."

"I'll believe he's changed when I see it for myself." Ford growled. "He acts the same to me, even if he's disguised as a 'human'. Why does he look like that, anyway?"

"Dipper said his real form makes him hungry." Mabel giggled. "Well, good night, Grunkle Lee. See you tomorrow."

Ford sighed and turned to go to Bill's room. "...Good night, little girl."

He walked over and stood at the door, hesitating for a moment before he opened the doorknob and looked in. He saw Bill lying on the bed, his coat and hat hanging up on a hat-rack and his cane beside it. He had his eye closed, but Ford doubted he was asleep. His doubts were confirmed when Bill opened his eye and sat up.

"So, you decided to come in after all." Bill remarked. "Here to fling more accusations and insults at me? Or maybe to insult your brother behind his back? Maybe you're going to insult Pine Tree?"

"I'm not going to insult anyone." Ford walked over and sat on the couch in the room. "...How long have you been with this family?"

"Pine Tree freed me from the closet at the start of the summer, when gnomes kidnapped his sister and he needed help. We thought it was a zombie, but it was gnomes in disguise." He chuckled.

"Long time, then." Ford huffed. "Long enough to trick them into thinking you're something you're not."

"Sixer, you can think whatever you want of me. I don't give a fu--I don't care." He glanced at the door, as if concerned about something, then looked back at Ford. "But don't go trying to tell these kids I'm a bad guy when they've seen all the evidence to the contrary."

"So did I, once. I was a real fool then." Ford scowled.

"They already know all of my past sins, so they know more than you did. And as part of our deal to try to get along, let's avoid flinging insults and accusations at each other. We can hate each other without being obvious, like girls do." Bill grinned. "Pine Tree and Shooting Star won't notice and we won't be yelled at by his protective big sister, capisce?"

"...'Like girls do'? Really?" Ford raised an eyebrow.

"What? It's true." Bill shrugged. "Girls are masters at hiding the fact they hate each other, at least until they're away from whoever they're hiding it from."

"What shows have you been watching?" Ford shook his head.

"Mabel gets these magazines and I pick 'em up to read 'em." Bill shrugged.

"Maybe you should stop." Ford sighed and laid down on the couch. "...I wonder if the professors even remember me?"

"I'm sure they have you in their files in the school still, but it HAS been thirty years. They were old before and by now they're either senile or dead." Bill shrugged and laid back down. "If it bugs you so much, you can have the bed and I'll sleep on the couch."

"No...this will do." Ford sighed and rolled on his side. "Just...stay out of my dreams, understand?"

"Too busy keeping nightmares away from Pine Tree to muck around in your head, Sixer." Bill sat up and went to the door, opening it. "Heey, here already?"

"I thought you might need a hug." Dipper hugged him. "You guys were yelling in the elevator."

"Aw, it's okay. We were just talking things out, that's all. Don't need to worry about it. You're not even dressed for bed yet, go get your PJs on. Want me to read you a story?" He walked out of the room with him. "I bet Shooting Star is changed for bed already, so it should be okay for me to go in long enough to help you change and pick out a book."

"Can we read a fairy tale?" Dipper asked.

"Whatever you want, kiddo." Bill assured him, closing the door behind them.

Ford watched them go, frowning. Seeing Bill acting so... _paternal_ was the weirdest thing he'd seen in all his life. And he'd seen a LOT of weird stuff!

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bedtime stories are far more important than old grudges.


	112. Domestic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Ford's first morning at the Mystery Shack, and he's having to adapt to the routine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

Ford had intended to stay awake the whole night. After all, he was sharing a room with a demon - BILL CIPHER, no less! But, the adrenaline had worn off and the pull of blissful sleep had already started to grip him. And it looked like Bill was asleep with the little one, so maybe if he made sure to be up before Bill was...

Before he knew it, he was woken by the sun shining on his eyes through the silky gold curtains and the house was full of the sounds of children. He sat up quickly and gasped, seeing Bill was already gone. "God DAMN it!" He yelled, grabbing his gun and heading out of the room. "I should NEVER have taken my eyes off him! Who knows what kind of mischief he's gotten himself into!"

He continued to scold himself all the way to the kitchen, where he stopped short and stared. In front of the stove, wearing a golden-yellow and black apron that said "Kiss the Demon" on the front and nicely fit his body as he shifted to grab a plate, was Bill Cipher. World Destroyer, Torturer of Millions, Sadistic Asshole Bill Cipher. And he looked DAMN hot in that apron in this form.

'This is like some really bizarre domestic wet-dream!' Ford thought, stepping back and putting a hand over his face.

" _That_ wasn't a pleasant thought to overhear." He heard the blond boy--Gideon, was it?--say. He turned to see Gideon fastening a familiar magical stone to his bolo tie.

"Pardon?" Ford asked.

Gideon chose not to explain anything, instead looking over at Bill as he was brought over a plate. "Thanks, Bill."

"No problem, Gideon! Once you guys are all fed, I gotta prepare the fish for the lizards." Bill turned and went back to the stove.

"Bill, I want sprinkles in mine!" Mabel--that was her name, right?--came bounding into the room with her brother. "Gideon, you're here!"

"Mabel, darlin'!" Gideon stood up and hugged her before pulling out a chair for her next to him. "Of course I'm here, we always have breakfast together. Oh, mother gave me some brownies for us to share later, and invites you to come over if you want to."

"How's your dad?" Mabel asked.

"He's...not as bad as he usually is." Gideon sighed.   
  
“That's good to hear. How's the potion coming along?” Mabel asked.  
  
“I'm missing an ingredient.” Gideon shook his head. “I need to have it shipped to me. Shouldn't be long, though.”  
  
"Bill, Grunkle Stan says he's not feeling very hungry and to save him a plate." Dipper said, then tugged on Bill's apron. "Do you think he's upset about yesterday?"

Bill glanced at Ford and then turned to him. "Sixer, what do you want in your pancakes? We've got sprinkles, blueberries, strawberries, raspberries, or you could just have it plain."

"Don't call me that." Ford scowled.

"Oh, sorry, _Lee_ ." Bill rolled his eye. "So, what do you want?"

"I want nothing to do with your disturbing domestic farce!" Ford turned to storm off, but his stomach rang loud and clear for everyone to hear. "...Do you have blackberries?"

"Blackberries, on it." Bill turned back to the stove. "Oh, Pine Tree, Tad called. He wants to know if we want to join him for sandwiches later."

"Sure!" Dipper nodded.

"How can you all do this?!" Ford asked. "He's a demon!"

"And right now he's making us food, what's your point?" Gideon asked.

"Geez, Ford, can you keep it down?" Stan came into the kitchen, rubbing his head. "You're so loud I could hear you from the other room."

"You're letting a demon live under my roof, and you expect me to be calm?!" Ford snapped.

"SIXER!" Bill turned to him, his eye glowing red. "What did we talk about last night?! WHAT DID WE TALK ABOUT?!"  
  
Ford faltered and walked over to sit down at the table. "Fine."

"Thank you." Bill's eye turned yellow again and he turned back to his work.

"To be fair, you've had him in the closet for 30 years." Mabel commented. "So, it's not like he ever left."

"Shooting Star, let's drop the subject." Bill said in a faux sweet tone.

"Okay." Mabel looked at Gideon. "So, about those brownies."

"You want them now?" Gideon laughed.

"I have to wait?" She pouted.

Gideon smiled and lightly kissed the corner of her lips. "Okay, but just one. For you."

"Shooting Star, if you get sick from eating both the brownie and the pancakes you asked for, I will feel no pity for you." Bill said, shaking the spatula at her.

"I'll be fine, I've got an iron stomach!" Mabel grinned.

"This is just...so surreal." Ford said, shaking his head.

"On second thought, Bill, I think I will eat now." Stan pulled up a chair. "Hey, whose chair is Ford sitting in?"

"I'm fine without one, I gotta feed the lizards, anyway." Bill assured him. "I'm not hungry."

"I'll get another one from the store today." Stan said, sighing. "Plain, please."

"Right as soon as I finish Shooting Star's and Sixer's." Bill said, pouring mix onto the pan twice.

Ford looked around at the extremely domestic setting and then looked down at the pig that was sniffing at his boot. 'This is so wrong.' He thought.  
  
–  
  
“Okay, let's see here.” Stan said, pulling open drawers. “I know I have another one around here...”  
  
“Another what?” Ford asked.  
  
“A Mr. Mystery suit! You can dress up with me!” Stan said cheerfully. “Ah, found it!” He handed Ford a stack of clothes. “Here, put them on!”  
  
“Mister...Mystery?” Ford looked at the clothes skeptically. “Uhm, I'd rather keep my turtleneck on.”  
  
“Sure, why not.” Stan shrugged. “You do that. I'm gonna go talk to Gideon, see what he did to those government guys yesterday.” He walked out of the room.  
  
Ford looked at the clothes and sighed heavily. May as well see what his brother's been up to while he was away.  
  
After dressing, he stepped out and looked around for Stan. “Stanley?”  
  
“Call him Stan. You're Stanley, remember?” Mabel reminded him, walking by with two of her brother. “You look good, by the way. But, hm, something's missing...” She paused mid-step and turned to him, looking thoughtful. “Ah! I know!” She ran upstairs.  
  
“...Are you twins?” Ford asked Dipper.  
  
“No, he's my clone, Tyrone.” Dipper shook his head and walked on. “Robbie! You're back to play?” Ford heard him say from the front area.  
  
“Alright, here we go!” Mabel came running down with a black hair ribbon. “Grunkle Stan, can you help?”  
  
“Coming!” Stan came into the back and laughed a bit. “What do you need help with, pumpkin?”  
  
“Put this on him like yours.” Mabel held out the ribbon.  
  
“Is this necessary?” Ford asked.  
  
“Hey, if Mabel says to do it, I do it.” Stan walked over and took the ribbon. “Hold still, bro.”  
  
“Can we make him a fez, too?” Dipper poked his head in.  
  
“Sure, that sounds great!” Mabel nodded.  
  
“Uh, why?” Ford asked.  
  
“For the costume, of course.” Stan chuckled and stepped back. “There. You look handsome.”  
  
“Uh...so, what did Gideon say?” Ford asked, glancing to the side.  
  
“He said it was handled without any bloodshed or terror. I think he just used a mass transport spell or something to send them away.” Stan shrugged. “I didn't ask the details.”  
  
“Bloodshed or terror? He's...a child, right? Not just a midget?” Ford frowned.  
  
“Yep, he's ten years old and has seen more horror than I ever had and somehow manages to be somewhat mentally stable. I mean, he _did_ try to kill his uncle the other day, and he _might've_ tried to kill Rico, all I've heard is mention of a bucket.” Stan shrugged.  
  
“To be fair, Preston DOES abuse his daughter.” Mabel said, walking out to the giftshop.  
  
“Anyways, let's get started! Shop's about to open, so why don't you walk along with the tour and watch what I do?” Stan suggested.  
  
“Tour? Stan, what did you turn my house into?” Ford asked as they stepped out into the giftshop.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did he turn it into, indeed?


	113. Meeting Lee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Ford's first day at the Mystery Shack and Stan is putting him to work! Time to meet the staff!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Okay, before we open up shop I'm gonna introduce a new staff member.” Stan said, stepping into the giftshop with Ford. “This is my long-lost brother Stanley, turns out he's not dead after all! He showed up last night.”  
  
“Is that why all the government guys were here?” Wendy asked. “I was gonna come in to work and saw the SWAT guys all over the place.”  
  
“SWAT guys? Whoa.” Robbie commented.  
  
“Yeah, no one was answering their cell-phones and the vending machine door was open!” Soos said worriedly. “I was going to go in after youse guys, and then Gideon came out and used his powers to gather all the SWAT guys up together before opening his sub-dimension thing!”  
  
“Oh, THAT'S how you did it.” Stan looked at Gideon.  
  
“It comes in handy.” Gideon looked at the ring. “...Normally I don't use it, but I've changed my methods recently.”  
  
“Yeah, good thing too.” Bill said, chuckling a bit. “How did your dragon take it?”  
  
“She was offended, and they all thought they were having a nightmare. I didn't correct them, in fact I increased that suggestion so they would think the whole trip was a dream.” Gideon said with a sly smile. “Exhausted me to do it, but it worked and I didn't have to zap 'em.”  
  
“Well, good to know! Anyways, Lee, this is Wendy, Soos, Robbie, and Blendin is the one over there trying to hide behind a box.” Stan gestured around the room. “You're going to be working with all of them. Oh, and this is the clone machine, Tyrone is Dipper's clone, aaaand you already know Gideon, Mabel, Dipper, and Bill.” Stan grinned and looked at him. “Any questions?”  
  
“...You don't look like a bug.” Robbie commented.  
  
“What?” Ford frowned.  
  
“You came out of the portal, right?” He looked at Gideon. “Didn't he?”  
  
“My vision was very unclear, and it was Dipper who said it looked like a bug.” Gideon said defensively.  
  
“I'm confused.” Ford shook his head.  
  
“No time for that, we have customers coming! Let's open up shop, chop-chop!” Stan clapped his hands together and went to flip the sign from “Closed” to “Open”. “Robbie, get out there and make some music! Bill, start up the machine! Blendin, why don't you replenish the shelf next to you with that the stuff in that box you're hiding behind, I forgot to do that yesterday. Wendy, you're on register, Mabel you're in charge of the lizard tour, Dipper and Tyrone stay with Bill, Gideon you can go do your thing.” He turned to the group. “Lee, you're with me. Let's work!”  
  
Gideon kissed Mabel on the cheek before heading out to the Tent of Telepathy while Mabel headed for the dino paddocks and Gobblewonker pool. Bill turned on the copy machine and Wendy logged into the register as Robbie went outside. Ford looked around and then looked at Stan. “...Who knew you'd be really into this stuff?  
  
“Oh, time-drats, I dropped one.” Blendin muttered as he picked up a hat and brushed it off before putting it on display.  
  
“Yeah, isn't it great? Things really picked up when Gideon merged his business with mine, though. We're rolling in dough!” Stan said excitedly. “Oh, here comes the first group! Just watch what I do, Lee. You can do the next tour!”   
  
–  
  
Once he got into the swing of things, it wasn't so hard to work in the giftshop. Ford watched what Stan did and tried to copy him, but didn't have the same “flair” and so Stan walked around with him hoping he'd catch on. By the end of the day, he was exhausted.  
  
“How do you keep this up all day?” Ford asked as Stan flipped the sign finally.   
  
“Endurance.” Stan grinned. “You did pretty good for your first day!”  
  
The door opened and Gideon came in. “That's the last of them. I think the only ones left are Tad and the McGuckets over by the lizards.”  
  
“Oh, finally.” Wendy stood up and stretched. “Why is everything so busy lately?”  
  
“Because it's summer and we're a tourist attraction.” Gideon said, raising an eyebrow at her. “Wendy, I was wondering if you'd be willing to help me with something?”  
  
“What is it?” Wendy asked.  
  
“I need, ah, considerable strength to use one of the ingredients for the potion.” Gideon said, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “I thought you might be able to help. If not, I can try Grenda...she's pretty strong.”  
  
“Alright, I'll head over.” Wendy nodded, reaching for her coat.  
  
“Did he say McGucket?” Ford asked. “As in...Fiddleford?”  
  
“Yes. He's out front.” Gideon said without looking at him. “Thank you, Wendy.”  
  
“Hey, if it'll fix this town, I'm eager to help.” Wendy said, walking out with him.  
  
“Do you want to go talk to him?” Stan asked Ford.  
  
Ford glanced to the side nervously. “Uhm...”  
  
“Tad's here?” Bill poked his head out of the back, where he had been putting the copy machine away. “Alright! Come on, Pine Tree!” He picked Dipper up and headed outside past Stan and Ford.  
  
“Yay, Tad's here! Did he bring more bread?” Dipper asked.  
  
“I guess...I can go see him.” Ford said, walking over and looking out the door. To his surprise, Fiddleford looked no older than when Stan last saw him, and he was next to an older man. Bill was talking with an unremarkable-looking guy like they were best friends, which was weird.  
  
“McGucket!” Stan called. “I got someone who wants to meet you!”  
  
To Ford's surprise, the old man looked over and smiled in a familiar way. “Well, howdy! We'll be right over, my nephew wants to watch the Gobblewonker a bit longer!”  
  
“Okay, we'll come to you.” Stan walked out, motioning for Ford to follow.  
  
“He has a nephew?” Ford asked, trying to think of if his old friend had siblings or not. He'd talked about a few, surely...  
  
“...and of course he insisted I not turn it off, but then it cut off our conversation and old Fordsy came through anyway.” Bill was saying as they approached.  
  
“How rude.” His conversation partner said, sounding amused. “You seem to be taking it well, though.”  
  
“Oh, I'm internally screaming, like, constantly now.” Bill said with a grin. “But, hey, what can ya do, right?”  
  
“You've been spending too much time with the lumberjack girl.” His friend chuckled.  
  
“Pft, there's never too much time with Red Ice.” Bill said, waving it off dismissively.  
  
“You can't make up your mind on what to call her, I see.” His friend remarked.  
  
“Ford, pst.” Stan nudged him. “We're here.”  
  
“Oh.” Ford looked forward. “Ah...who is Bill talking to?”  
  
“His name's Tad Strange.” Stan explained. “They're friends.”  
  
“Ford?” McGucket turned around to look at him. “Oh...I...I think I remember you. Yes...” He reached out and took Ford's hands. “Six fingers...your name was the passcode...”  
  
“Oh, what the fuck, it _was_?” Bill commented.  
  
Tad swatted him lightly. “Don't swear in front of Dipper.”  
  
“Man, everyone's doing it now.” Bill rubbed his head.  
  
Stan chuckled. “Mabel was about to, you know.”  
  
“Sorry, Star.” Bill looked at her.  
  
“You are forgiven.” Mabel sighed. “Stan, can I go get started on my new art project?”  
  
“Sure.” Stan nodded.  
  
“Good. Can he wear your fez for a bit?” Mabel asked.  
  
Stan took off his fez and put it on Ford's head. Mabel nodded and held out her hands for it. “Good, same size. I'm borrowing this.”  
  
“Feel free.” Stan handed it to her.  
  
“That was random.” Ford commented as Mabel walked off with it, then looked back at McGucket. “You look...uhm...”  
  
“You can admit that I look horrible. I'm still working on it.” McGucket shrugged. “Oh! Shifty, turn around.”  
  
“Shifty?” Ford froze.  
  
The younger McGucket turned to him and slowly blinked at him before moving to hide behind McGucket. Ford stared in shock at the shapeshifter's slit pupils and then looked at McGucket. “...Why? How?”  
  
“Dipper.” Stan and Bill said together.  
  
“Go figure, the thing tries to kill him and he says 'can we keep it'?” Bill rolled his eye.  
  
“Everyone deserves a second chance and love.” Dipper said sincerely.  
  
Ford stared at him and then turned away. “...I need to go lie down.” He headed inside.  
  
Shifty looked out anxiously. “...Is it my fault?”  
  
“I think he's just overwhelmed.” McGucket assured him. “Give him time.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aww, that wasn't nice to Shifty, Ford...


	114. Contemplation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ford is coming to terms with the fact that Bill has made himself a place in Ford's world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

Ford stood in the basement in front of the portal, contemplating everything that had happened since he came through it. In the short time he'd been here he'd seen Bill being friendly with everyone and even talking and laughing with others like it was...normal. He couldn't understand it. Was this really the mind demon he'd grown to fear and hate? The face behind the name that people whispered in hushed circles?  
  
“Planning on leaving again?” He heard Bill say behind him. “At least say goodbye this time.”  
  
Ford turned to face him. “I'm not leaving, no. I'm just thinking. And what are you doing down here?”  
  
“Heard you were down here.” Bill shrugged.  
  
“Where's...the little one?” Ford asked. “Uhm...Doppler?”  
  
“Dipper. Pine Tree. Pine Tree's upstairs.” Bill walked up to the portal. “...I've been growing stronger since you came back.”  
  
“What?” Ford gasped.  
  
“Something about your coming back is increasing the link to my real body.” Bill said, flexing his fingers as he looked at his hand. “I'm not sure what it is, I'll have to do some research on that. Study the portal's residual energy. Where did you come from?”  
  
“Your dimension. I was planning to storm your castle when the portal opened.” Ford sighed. “I chose to take a chance it was home, and it is, but you're so...different.”  
  
“It's a good different.” Bill said, nodding firmly. “It's what I... _used_ to be like, before I met _them_. Before...everything. I wasn't always a...monster.”  
  
“I find that hard to believe.” Ford scoffed.  
  
“Bill!” Mabel came down the elevator. “Pacifica says the other ghost is causing trouble, can you come beat it up?”  
  
“Alright, let's drop by Gideon's and get some rock-salt!” Bill grinned and headed for the elevator. “Sixer, y'coming?”  
  
“...Actually, I'd like to stay behind and see what I can find in the portal readings.” Ford replied. “Besides, you probably know what to do better than I do.”  
  
“Oh, yeah. 'Oh no, a level 10! Run!' You know, they aren't as hard as you think.” Mabel remarked. “We'll see you later, Grunkle Lee.”  
  
Bill hung back a bit, looking at him. “...What did you see out there?”  
  
“What?” Ford asked, frowning.  
  
“The worlds beyond. What did you see?” Bill smiled a bit sadly. “You went without me.”  
  
“Why would I have taken you? I never even intended to go!” Ford snapped.  
  
“But you were in the company of nobles and kings, if you were watching me at Globnar. Can't have been THAT bad for you these past 30 years.” Bill stepped into the elevator with Mabel and they headed up.  
  
Ford sighed and approached the portal. “Let's see what's going on here...”  
  
–  
  
“Great, so now that the curse is gone, the ghost has given up pretenses?” Bill commented.   
  
“This isn't a ghost.” Gideon groaned.  
  
“It's not?” Bill looked at him.  
  
“No. Ghosts aren't aimless, they have some kind of meaning, some kind of point. This is a poltergeist, a cross between a demon and ghost. A ghost that is so corrupted that it has broken the pattern and become a demon.” Gideon explained.  
  
“A REAL demon?” Bill asked. “Well, how do we beat it?”  
  
“Holy water helps...I'm actually not sure. Most demons have only been exorcised, and I'm no priest.” Gideon sighed and looked at the obscene writing in blood on the wall of the dining hall. “Maybe you can just...beat it up.”  
  
“Why can't we ask it to leave? Why is it here?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Well, I already checked. No graves were dug up when it was being built.” Pacifica commented. “You said it's a ghost that's turning into a demon?”  
  
“That's what I assume. Either that or it's really just a demon, in which case he was summoned.” Gideon rubbed his temples in exasperation. “I think beating it up is our best option. But I'll go get some holy water, anyway.”  
  
“How do we get holy water?” Bill asked.  
  
“A priest blesses water. I think I have some in stock. I doubt I have enough of God's favor to bless water, though.” Gideon looked around. “Where is that guy, anyway?”  
  
“Who, God?” Bill asked.  
  
“No, the demon, poltergeist, whatever he is.” Gideon shook his head.  
  
“Well, we can't do anything right now. Let's call in a priest.” Bill suggested. “This is a bit beyond our expertise, I think.”  
  
They heard high-pitched laughter that sent goosebumps down their arms and Pacifica sighed. “...Can we stay with you until he gets here, then?”  
  
“Shouldn't be a problem, but you can't bring all the staff.” Gideon said, sighing.  
  
“You know what, I feel like punching something. I'm going to find that thing.” Bill walked off in the direction of the laughter. “Pine Tree, stay with them!”  
  
“But what if it attacks us?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Don't worry, I think I've got a lock on its aura. I'm tracking it.” Bill replied, leaving the dining hall.  
  
–  
  
Ford was startled by the sound of laughter when he came out of the basement. “What happened?”  
  
“And then I went WHAM! WHAM! And ohhh, Stan, you should've been there! He was sooo offended and even said 'You're not even supposed to be here, meh meh meh meh meh, other world thing'!” Bill said, switching to a mocking tone at the end with his hands on his hips.  
  
“Sounds great!” Stan laughed. “So, did you beat it?”  
  
“I beat it into the ground!” Bill laughed. “Literally, like the ground opened up and it went into it before it closed up again. Really freaky.”  
  
“Maybe the mansion was built on a gate to Hell.” Gideon said thoughtfully. “Why would it not do anything until recently, though? I'll have to have an acquaintance come check it out.”  
  
“So...it went well?” Ford asked.  
  
“Yeah. What'd you find out?” Bill asked.  
  
“Ah, I'm still checking. I just came up for a break, and I'm hungry. I haven't found anything yet.” Ford shook his head.  
  
“Hm. Oh well. Pine Tree tested the limits by each of us standing on opposite sides of the mansion, so our range has definitely expanded.” Bill nodded firmly.  
  
“Range?” Stan asked.  
  
“Ever since the portal opened, I've been growing stronger. I can be further away from Pine Tree than I could before.” Bill explained.  
  
“Wow.” Stan nodded. “That's pretty cool.”  
  
“Yeah...I guess.” Bill agreed reluctantly.  
  
Ford glanced to the side, hoping the Gideon boy wasn't prying into his thoughts again. 'I have to hide it from him...if he gets ahold of it, his true colors will show for sure.' He thought. “Hey, uh, what are we eating?”  
  
“We haven't decided yet.” Bill shrugged. “I think the Northwests are happy they won't have to eat with the Gleefuls tonight, though!” He held up his hand and Gideon gave him a high-five.   
  
“Probably better we don't have any priests in town, anyway.” Gideon said matter-of-factly. “Imagine the trouble that'd cause.”  
  
“We were thinking of ordering takeout.” Stan shrugged. “You want anything?”  
  
“I don't know...I haven't had Earth food in so long.” Ford admitted.  
  
“Pizza it is.” Stan walked off to order it.  
  
“But, I wanted Chinese!” Dipper walked after him. “Grunkle Stan, please?”  
  
“Oh, alright. Pizza tomorrow!” Stan declared.  
  
“Yay!” Dipper cheered.  
  
Ford looked at Bill. “...Is it...normally this...lively?”  
  
“Sure, until he goes to sleep.” Bill laughed and walked off to his room. “Hey, has anyone seen my stalker? He's been slacking off!”  
  
“I think he fell into the pit earlier. I haven't seen him come out.” Mabel replied, then looked at Ford. “So...you seem in a friendly mood today. No more arguing?”  
  
“We're attempting a truce.” Ford replied.  
  
“Ah. Good.” Mabel nodded. “Your fez is almost done, by the way. You can wear it tomorrow.” She smiled and walked off with Gideon, who looked over his shoulder at him with an “I'm watching you” glare before looking at Mabel with a smile.  
  
“...He really doesn't like me.” Ford commented to himself.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Actually, Ford, I'm not sure half this group likes you.


	115. Shopping Trip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for a relaxing shopping trip!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD
> 
> ((A.N.: Since I've gotten a few concerned comments, I'm going to take this moment to tell you that Wierdmageddon will still happen as scheduled, Bill just will NOT be leading it.))

Ford eyed Bill cautiously as he unpacked his bag and put things away. The alien (he'd insisted he call him that now and not a demon) was distracted with writing something at his desk and Ford's luggage seemed to be the last thing on his mind right now. Nodding, Ford turned back to his work and pulled out a large ring-box, setting it on the shelf.  
  
“Red cloth...red cloth...” He heard Bill mutter to himself. “It could be...I hope not, but everything else checks out...X in the sky...red cloth...fuck, I hope it's not her...”  
  
“What are you muttering about?” Ford asked, looking up from what he was doing.  
  
“The night before you showed up, Gideon had a vision. I'm trying to figure out what it was, how we can prepare for it, and what to expect if it is what I think. If it is, I hope it isn't, we're in big trouble.” Bill sat back in his seat. “Anyways, never mind me. Go back to your luggage, Sixer.”  
  
“Oh, so you _hope_ it isn't your endgame? Why, because you supposedly _care_ for this world now? I heard you destroyed your own, why is this one any different?” Ford asked snidely.  
  
Bill stood up and glared at him. “I destroyed my world because I had to make a change and nothing else was working! It was a last resort!”  
  
“Oh, sure, says the school shooter.” Ford said sarcastically.  
  
“You don't know my world, you don't know my life, you don't know what I went through, you don't know SHIT about me! All you know is the stuff talked about among the nobles about us criminals that make us out to be nothing but, well, mindless, murdering criminals! I had ONE CRIME when I went to prison, and you know what it was? I LEFT MY FUCKING WORLD! I SAW THE DAMN COLORS!” Bill roared, stepping closer and closer to Ford until he was standing over him, his eyes a bright, red color. “And do you know why I wanted to see them so badly? Because someone _very close to me_ was KILLED BY THE GOVERNMENT before he could achieve his dream of seeing them! And his crime that was punishable by death? NOT. BEING. FUCKING. PERFECT!”  
  
“Bill!” He heard Stan outside the door and looked over. “You're scaring Dipper with your yelling, stop fighting in there.”  
  
“Come on out, Cipher.” Tad said gently. “You sound like you need a break.”  
  
Bill sighed and nodded firmly, walking over to his desk and grabbing his notes before walking out, leaving Ford in a stunned daze. Tad met him at the door and led him away, whispering comforting words Ford couldn't hear.  
  
Stan sighed and looked in at Ford. “Everyone deserves a chance, Ford. I've been in three prisons, but I'm not a murderous monster. Maybe you just don't know all the details.” He walked away, down the hall.  
  
Ford sighed and went back to emptying his bag. “I don't need to know them to know him.” He muttered.  
  
–  
  
“No way...They're still making this game?” Ford asked in amazement.  
  
“Hm?” Dipper looked over from the toys he was examining. “What?”  
  
They had taken a trip to the mall, on Mabel's suggestion, to relieve stress. Tad had gone home and Stan had met up with Susan and left the kids with Bill and Ford. Gideon had said he was busy making the potion and couldn't come but to have fun anyway. At this moment, they were checking out a game store.  
  
“This game, Dungeons, Dungeons and More Dungeons!” Ford held it up. “They're still making it? I haven't seen this in 30 years!”  
  
“Oh, a nerd game.” Mabel commented, looking at it. “That elf's hot, though.”  
  
“Can I play?” Dipper asked, talking over to him.  
  
“Hmm, it might be a bit complex for you...but I'm a great DM!” Ford grinned. “I'll teach you!”  
  
“Yay!” Dipper cheered.  
  
“It's a bit expensive, though...” Ford looked at the price. “I haven't gotten my pay from Stan yet this week.”  
  
He heard a heavy sigh and the box was swiped out of his hands before Bill walked by. “I'll buy it, Sixer. Shooting Star, find anything you like?”  
  
“Not yet.” She admitted.  
  
“Well, there's some more games over there. There's one that has a time-limit and jumps out at you at the end of it that you might like.” Bill gestured with his free hand. “Pine Tree, see anything you like?”  
  
“No, not yet. I'm still deciding.” Dipper admitted.  
  
Ford walked over to Bill. “...I'll pay you back later.”  
  
“Don't worry about it. It might be fun to play.” Bill shrugged.  
  
“You would...play DDMD with me?” Ford asked, surprised. “Knowing I might put your character into peril intentionally?”  
  
“It's not real, Sixer. It's just a game.” Bill raised his brow at him before walking over to help Dipper free a game he was interested in. “Alright, LIFE! The game that is supposed to simulate real life but actually does the opposite!”  
  
Dipper laughed.  
  
Mabel came back with a “Guess Who” game. “I guess we'll get this one, it's always fun.”  
  
“Alright, let's go pay.” Bill nodded and the group went up to the group.  
  
“Bill, you're not getting anything?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Sure am.” Bill set down a pack of playing cards that had his image on them. “You can ONLY get these in Gravity Falls, apparently. I got a kick out of them.”  
  
“Mm, now I'm getting hungry.” Dipper rubbed at his stomach.  
  
“Okay, let's go get some food.” Mabel suggested.  
  
They headed out of the store and headed for the food court. Mabel spotted Grenda standing in front of an alcove and waved excitedly before running over.  
  
“Heeey, it's Grendo.” Bill said, following her over.  
  
“Grenda, we were going to get some food. Join us?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Oh, uh, I'm...waiting...for something.” Grenda said, glancing to the side.  
  
“Something? Not someone?” Mabel asked.  
  
Grenda nodded. Then she felt a tap on her back and looked behind her. “It's okay now?”  
  
“Yes, thank you.” Pacifica said quietly.  
  
Grenda nodded and looked around before stepping back. Candy and Pacifica came out of the alcove, their cheeks a bit flushed.  
  
“Don't tell anyone you saw me here.” Pacifica said, his cheeks pink. “My parents would be furious.”  
  
“I'm willing to risk that.” Candy said, taking off her fogged-up glasses and cleaning them.  
  
“Oh? Ohhhh. How long has this been a thing?” Bill asked as Mabel let out an excited squeal.  
  
“...Since the party.” Pacifica blushed pinker and then wiped at her face before cleared her throat. “So, uh, you're Mr. Pines' brother?” She looked at Ford.  
  
“This is Lee.” Bill introduced. “Lee, this is Pacifica Northwest. Preston Northwest's daughter.”  
  
“I remember Preston when he was about your age.” Ford said in awe. “Wow, I feel old.”  
  
“Anyways, let's go get some food!” Mabel reminded them. “Dipper's huuuuuuuungrrryyyyy!” She started to play with her stomach.  
  
“Huuuuungrrrrryyyy!” Dipper copied her.  
  
“Okay, okay.” Bill laughed. “Girls, are you coming?”  
  
“Well, since you asked.” Pacifica brushed her hair behind her ear. “Yes.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, then!


	116. Nerd Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for lunch, yum!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“So, you've been in a portal for 30 years?” Pacifica asked as they waited for Bill and Mabel to come back with the food. “That sounds scary.”  
  
“Well, it was at times. It wasn't all bad, though.” Ford sighed wistfully. “I will miss some people out there, but it's good to be home. I'm still figuring out this thing Gideon threw at me yesterday, though.” He pulled out a cell-phone. “I think it's a phone, but there's no holographic image so it's not like the ones in space...no video call, either.”  
  
“Depends on what apps you put on it.” Pacifica turned on her screen and showed Ford an app you can make video calls with.  
  
“Amazing!” Ford breathed. “How do I get that?”  
  
“Well, you go to this program here...” Pacifica showed him the app store.  
  
“Now, Gideon had me sign up to some...e-mail service. Is that a thing people use a lot these days? Digital mail?” Ford asked.  
  
“Well, yes, but we still send letters. Do they send letters in space?” Pacifica asked.  
  
“No, not really.” Ford shook his head. “It's mostly holograms and stuff, like Star Wars.”  
  
“Oh, like the Jedi Council use to communicate long-distance?” Pacifica asked. “That's actually pretty cool.”  
  
“Oh my god, you never told me you liked nerd stuff.” Candy said in amazement.  
  
“Oh, shoot.” Pacifica blushed. “Gideon was the only one who knew...I guess you guys know now.”  
  
“I should watch the movies that have come out since I went in.” Ford said thoughtfully. “It's been a long time since I saw Star Wars...”  
  
“Are you guys nerding out over here?” Bill asked as he came back with Mabel carrying food. “Even you, Miss Northwest?”  
  
“What's wrong with that?” Pacifica asked.  
  
“Nothing, it's just not what I expected.”  
  
“Am I the only non-nerd here?” Mabel laughed.  
  
“I'm not a nerd.” Grenda raised her hand.  
  
“You will be by the time we get done playing DDMD!” Ford said, enthusiastically pulling out of the shopping bag.  
  
“Put that away until we get home and eat your food.” Bill said, putting straws in each of their drinks.  
  
“Are you _mothering_ me?” Ford gaped at him.  
  
“Shut up.” Bill sat down and started to eat.   
  
Ford picked up his chopsticks and watched Mabel use hers before doing the same. “I'm not a child, Cipher.”  
  
“I didn't say you were. I just told you no board games at the food table.” Bill replied.  
  
“You don't think I can avoid getting food on it?” Ford asked.  
  
“I think it'll get cold by the time you finish a turn.” Bill replied curtly. “Eat, we'll play with the new games when we get home. They don't want people playing board games in the food court, anyway.”  
  
“Fine.” Ford snatched up a piece of meat and put it in his mouth. It turned out to be hotter than he thought and he made an awkward flapping motion with his hand as Bill pushed his drink closer to him, which he gratefully accepted and drank.  
  
“That was HOT!” He said after setting down his drink.  
  
“Well, yeah. It's fresh off the grill.” Bill rolled his eye.  
  
Ford glared at him and blew on the next piece before putting it in his mouth. “Schtop MOFFERING ME!”  
  
“Don't talk with your mouth full.” Bill said as the girls and Dipper laughed. “What kind of example are you setting for Pine Tree?”  
  
Ford growled but resigned himself to silence.  
  
–  
  
“You got a nerd game?” Stan asked as they set up in the living room. “Yeesh, Lee.”  
  
“Yeesh all you want, I'm going to make these kids gamers.” Ford said as he set up. “Oh, shoot, I forgot my dice. Uh, Stan, can you get my dice? It's in a box on the shelf near my bag.”  
  
“Got it.” Stan walked out of the room.  
  
“Doesn't this thing come with dice?” Bill asked.  
  
“It does, but I want MY dice.” Ford said firmly.  
  
“Okay, then.” Bill shrugged.  
  
Stan came back in with a couple boxes. “Uh, which box did you say you wanted?”  
  
“Oh, give them here.” Ford got up and to grab them out of Stan's hands. Just as he grabbed them, though, Waddles came running through and bumped them, knocking both boxes to the floor.  
  
“Whoa, careful!” Ford said, catching Stan when he stumbled.  
  
“Uh...Lee?” Bill said nervously. “Is that what I THINK it is?”  
  
Ford looked at the large die that had fallen out of its box and rolled a wizard symbol. “...Oh no.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This week on "Animals Causing Trouble"...


	117. Dungeons, Dungeons and, oh crap, a Dungeon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the Die rolls Wizard, the game's about to get really, really real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“'Oh no'?! 'Oh no'?!” Bill stood up. “For--Lee, why do you have this thing?! It should be in a museum! It's highly illegal!”  
  
“Well...” Ford glanced to the side nervously. “I got it at an auction.”  
  
“An AUCTION?!” Bill held his head. “LEE!”  
  
“Whoa, hold on! What does that symbol mean?” Stan asked, pointing to it.  
  
The die started glowing and then something zapped out of it and hit the game box. To their shock and surprise, the group on the front came to life and grew life-size!  
  
“No...way.” Ford breathed.  
  
“Who's that?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Mortals of dimension 46*\\!” The wizard started, his voice high enough to grate on Bill's sensttive ears. “Kneel before me and...” He rolled a pink die and threw it, looking at it closely before looking at them. “Snivel!”  
  
“He had to _roll_ for his next line?” Ford commented to Bill.  
  
“I am Propabilitor, the greatest wizard in all Mathology!” The wizard declared. “Give or take an error of 0.4.” He said off-handedly.  
  
“Is this normal?” Stan asked Ford.  
  
“Only if you use the Infinity Die.” Bill said in a “we're all gonna die” sing-song tone.  
  
“What do you want from us?” Dipper asked anxiously.  
  
“By rolling me, you have proven to be the smartest players I've ever met! So I'm going to eat your brains!” The wizard laughed.  
  
“Hold the phone there, fellow immortal.” Bill stepped forward. “Hi, I'm Bill Cipher.”  
  
“I know you!” The wizard proclaimed.  
  
“Yeeeah, you do! Anyways, it's not really _fair play_ and against the code of the _game_ to not put these mortals through a _quest_ before you devour their brains.” Bill said tactically. “Do you not agree? You have not fully _tested_ their _potential_.”  
  
“Hm...this is true. Very well, I will devise a quest for you! Roll your characters!” The wizard declared dramatically, pink dice appearing in front of each of them.  
  
“Wait, all of us have to?” Pacifica asked anxiously.  
  
“Yep.” Bill looked at Waddles. “Even the pig, I bet.”  
  
“Even! The! Pig!” Propabilitor said dramatically.  
  
“Well, let's get rolling.” Bill scooped up his dice and rolled. “Make sure you get some good stats, guys.”  
  
“Do you know how this works?” Ford asked Bill.  
  
“Yep.” Bill watched as a sheet appeared, magically taking note of each stat he rolled and the number. “Okay, I've got good stats. That's good. I'll go with...wizard class. Dark elf.”  
  
“I was going to be an elven wizard.” Ford frowned.  
  
“You can still be one, Sixer.” Bill rolled his eye.  
  
“Oh, I can be an elf!” Dipper said excitedly.  
  
“Should we all be elves?” Mabel asked as she rolled hers.  
  
“Just remember, once you decide you can't take it back.” Bill told them. “I'm surprised this is your first time dealing with him, Lee. Considering you've been out in the multiverse.”  
  
“When did you?” Ford asked.  
  
“He visits the Nightmare Realm a lot.” Bill shrugged. “We've played a few...entertaining games.”  
  
“Why are you different looking?” Propabilitor asked him.  
  
“Because I wanted to. Are you going to question my whims?” Bill's eye flashed dangerously.  
  
“No, sir.” Propabilitor shook his head. “Are you all done rolling?”  
  
“What's a...druid?” Pacifica asked.  
  
“They deal with nature.” Bill offered helpfully. “If you don't know it, best to pick something you know.”  
  
“Okay, I'll stay human. Uhm...I've done a bit of archery.” Pacifica said, the sheet in front of her filling. “We can't decide what our characters look like?”  
  
“You won't need to.” Bill replied. “Is that everyone?”  
  
“Yeah.” Mabel nodded.  
  
“Good! Then let the game...begin!” Propabilitor raised his staff and the sheets in front of the groups started wrapping around of them. When their vision cleared, they were in a grassy field.  
  
“...Where are we?” Stan asked, looking around.  
  
“We're in a sub-dimension. Welcome to the game of Dungeons, Dungeons and More Dungeons.” Bill said nonchalantly. His appearance had changed somewhat, he was now a dark elf and dressed in a golden tunic and black leggings, a staff in his hand. Likewise, everyone else had also changed in appearance and clothes, their clothing matching the colors of what they wore before but styled, well, differently. Middle ages.  
  
“We're IN the GAME?!” Mabel reached up and touched her elf ears. “Oh!”  
  
“I'm an ELF!” Dipper shrieked happily.  
  
“Wow.” Stan touched his own pointed ears as Ford did the same.  
  
“So, I'm actually a halfling?” Candy asked, looking at her rogue clothes.  
  
“I'm glad I picked human.” Pacifica said nervously. “I'm not so sure about this outfit, though.”  
  
“I picked human, too! I'm digging these clothes.” Grenda said, looking at her fighter clothes.  
  
“Wait, so if we're IN the game...how do we get out?” Stan asked.  
  
“We roll,” Bill picked up a pouch on the ground at his feet. Everyone else did the same, looking at their pouches curiously. “and we play the game until we beat the boss. If we lose, he eats your brains. If we win, he disappears.”  
  
“You said you've faced him before...with her?” Ford asked cautiously.  
  
“Yeah.” Bill nodded. “With them. It was...a different experience, I'm sure.”  
  
“Her? Them? Are you being cryptic? Do you have a mutual ex or something? How many exes do you have?” Stan asked, confused.  
  
“This is some Scott Pilgrim-level stuff right here.” Mabel said, nodding sagely.  
  
“Cosmos, noooo!” Bill laughed. “Neither of us were ever with Ronnie that way, no, no!” He paused and looked at Ford. “WERE you?”  
  
“No, never!” Ford shook his head. “I mean, she's attractive, but a bit too, uh, BIG!”  
  
“What's wrong with big?” Grenda asked.  
  
“He means GIANT.” Bill explained. "She towers over buildings. Heck, she towers over ME! I'm like a CHILD next to her!”  
  
“Big woman.” Stan remarked.  
  
“A giant woman.” Dipper breathed.  
  
“Yeah. Anyways, no, I have never been interested in that—in her.” Ford shook his head.  
  
“Who is 'Ronnie'?” Pacifica asked.  
  
“Her name is Pyronica, and she is a vision of beauty that leaves destruction in her wake with every step.” Bill sighed wistfully. “Of everything back there, she's the one thing I regret leaving behind when I changed my tune.”  
  
“She IS rather lovely.” Propabilitor said, appearing nearby. “Welcome to my game! I've set an amazing quest for you, and you will complete it! There's also side-quests and other stuff you can do, of course.”  
  
“And when we complete it, you'll let us go?” Stan asked.  
  
“Yes. And if any of you die, that person's brains will be eaten!” Propabilitor declared excitedly.  
  
“Don't worry, no one's dying.” Bill assured Stan.  
  
“We'll see about that! Game on!” Propabilitor giggled and disappeared.  
  
“Well, let's get going. We'll make our first roll when we have our first encounter.” Bill explained, walking through the field.  
  
“Wait! Where's Waddles?” Mabel cried.  
  
A half-orc rogue in pink clothes came running up to them on all fours and tilted it head at them inquisitively before moving towards Mabel.  
  
“Whoa!” Stan moved to attack it  
  
“No, don't!” Mabel stepped forward. “Waddles?”  
  
“Mabel?” The half-orc asked, blinking at her.  
  
“You can talk?!” Mabel gasped.  
  
“Makes sense, Xanthar could.” Bill mumbled.  
  
“Oh my goooooosh, we can have so many conversations during this adventure!” Mabel squealed with delight.  
  
“Guys, we gotta get going. Unlike Globnar, we will NOT be returned to the same time we left.” Bill informed them.  
  
 **“ROLL FOR INITIATIVE!”**  
  
The dice in their bags glowed and then a wild boar came out of the treeline, heading for them.  
  
“Everyone, roll!” Bill said, pulling out his dice and throwing them at the ground. Then he snatched them up as he dodged the wild boar and turned to see how the others had fared.  
  
“I don't understand, why did it hit me? I rolled the dice...” Stan said, groaning and looking at the wild boar running behind them.  
  
“You didn't roll high enough.” Bill informed him.  
  
“I didn't get a chance to explain before. Every action has a set of numbers that contain a margin of error.” Ford explained. “The stats we roll also effect the numbers. Bill, can we pull up our sheets?”  
  
Bill reached into the dice bag and pulled out a sheet of paper. “Yep. Oh, this is a Bag of Holding, by the way. It'll carry any items we find during this adventure.”  
  
“Do we get to keep them?” Stan asked hopefully.  
  
“Uh, no. But, I'm sure that Gideon knows where some actual Bags of Holding are. Most wizards have them. Gideon's ring is an example of a Bag of Holding.” Bill told him. “And now that we have experienced our first encounter, might I suggest we get out of the field and into a town?”  
  
“If it means I won't get hit by another wild boar again, definitely.” Stan said, rubbing his stomach. “Hey uh, you mentioned dying?”  
  
“Oh, yeah. Everyone has health-points, which can be restored by resting and with magical items.” Bill explained. “When you level up from fighting or finishing a side-quest, you can increase the amount of health-points you have.”  
  
“How much time passes here compared to the real world?” Pacifica asked nervously.  
  
“A few days here would be a few hours there. Lee here can tell you that some campaigns – that's what a round of DDMD is called – can last up to weeks or months in-game, and take place over many days in real life.” Bill told her. “If Preston asks, tell him that I needed your help with something and I met you while you were already out. That should keep you out of trouble. Assuming your father knows you were out.”  
  
“Oh, uhm, he thinks I'm going to Gideon's.” Pacifica admitted.  
  
“Well, Gideon knows to lie for you, and we'll explain what happened once we have reception again.” Bill turned to go again.  
  
“Gideon mentioned that there's no cell reception in sub-dimensions.” Mabel said thoughtfully.  
  
“Stan, how many health-points did you lose?” Bill asked him, turning back again.  
  
“Uhm...” Stan rummaged in the bag and pulled out his sheet. “Looks like I lost...five?”  
  
“Low roll for the DM then.” Ford remarked.  
  
“DM?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Dungeon Master. In this case, that would be Propabilitor. You heard him speaking just before the wild boar came, didn't you?” Bill explained with a smile.  
  
“Ohhh, that was him?” Dipper asked. “I thought it was God or something.”  
  
“In this world, he IS God.” Bill laughed. “But, he's limited by the dice rolls, so we have a chance against him.”  
  
\--  
  
“You know, it's too bad Gideon's not here.” Stan commented as they finally found the road. “I bet his powers would really come in handy here.”  
  
“No, they really wouldn't. For one thing, he wouldn't HAVE them.” Bill informed him.  
  
“What? Why?” Pacifica asked.  
  
“You only have what you put on your character sheet.” Ford explained. “And even that is limited by your race or class. Powers or physical strength that you have in real life, I'm guessing, don't transfer into this world.”  
  
“You remember when I told you the DM was God? I was wrong. The real Gods of the DDMD world are the dice.” Bill held up his bag. “If Stan had his real strength, that wild boar would've been a cinch. But, because he rolled low on the dice, the boar struck him and ran on like he was nothing.”  
  
“No way! You mean because of some little bits of plastic, that thing was able to beat me?!” Stan exclaimed.  
  
“I think these ones are made of crystal, actually.” Ford commented, examining his.  
  
“The dice are cruel gods.” Bill nodded solemnly. “They can be your friend, or your worst enemy. And you can't even fight it.”  
  
“Yikes...I think I'll want to play it the normal way after this.” Grenda shuddered. “Graph paper isn't so bad after actually LIVING the roles.”  
  
“There's a town!” Waddles said, excitedly running on ahead on all fours.  
  
“Waddles, wait!” Bill reached out for him as he passed.  
  
 **“DO A DEXTERITY CHECK!”**  
  
“Oh, really?” Bill groaned and rolled his dice. His hand then grabbed onto the back of Waddles' vest and pulled him back. “Slow down, okay? Stay with the group, splitting up is a bad idea.” He scooped up his dice and put them back in the bag.  
  
“Okay, I'm sorry.” Waddles said, humbly sitting on his hands and knees.  
  
“Oh, Waddles.” Mabel giggled and walked over to scratch him behind the ears.  
  
“That's....kind of funny.” Ford commented.  
  
“What's funny?” Dipper asked.  
  
“An elf scratching a half-orc behind the ears. It's kind of funny.” Ford clarified.  
  
“Oh.” Dipper looked at Mabel. “It's just Mabel and Waddles.”  
  
“Alright, let's move on. Together, this time.” Bill said, motioning for them to follow him.  
  
“Hey, who made YOU the party leader?” Ford demanded. “I should be the one!”  
  
Bill rolled his eyes – it was weird having two of them right now. “Let me ask you something, Lee. WHO has been through this before?”  
  
Ford pursed his lips and sighed. “Fine. I concede.”  
  
“Thank you.” Bill pointed ahead. “We go on.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cue the map music!  
> And what kind of classes and races did Bill's old group take?


	118. A Grand Quest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Stan and the kids check out the town, Bill and Ford go to the bar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Okay, so we reached the town. Now what?” Mabel asked as they passed the city gates.  
  
“Now we find a tavern.” Ford replied.  
  
“Bro, do you really think now is the time to be drinking?” Stan asked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
“No, no. He means that we find the bartender.” Bill explained. “There's where adventurers hear about trouble going on and get their quests.”  
  
“But, what about the kids?” Stan asked. “Will they let them in?”  
  
“Probably. There are non-alcoholic options. But...” Bill sighed. “If you're that concerned, we can leave them outside the tavern and we adults can go in.”  
  
“I don't feel safe leaving the kids alone with that DM guy watching our every move. I'll stay with the kids, you and Lee can go in.” Stan nodded firmly.  
  
“Great, you're leaving me alone with Sixer?” Bill muttered.  
  
“You're the only one who understands how this world works aside from him.” Stan said firmly. “I'm sorry, Bill, but if we're going to get out of this you need to be alone with him sometime.”  
  
Bill ran a hand through his bangs exasperatedly and nodded. “Alright, fine. Keep an eye on the kids, then.”  
  
Stan nodded. “Will do.”  
  
“There's the tavern.” Ford pointed to the sign and headed in. Bill nodded and followed him.  
  
“Okay, kids, let's just sit and wait I guess. I don't see a park.” Stan shrugged, sitting against the wall of the building.  
  
“How long is this going to take?” Dipper asked. “I'm hungry. Is there food in there?”  
  
“I dunno. We don't have any money from this world, I don't think.” He pulled out his sheet. “Oh, looks like we do have a bit. Let's find a food cart or something. Whatever they sell food at.” He stood up.  
  
–  
  
“Okay, so how do we go about this?” Ford asked Bill.  
  
Bill sighed and walked up to the bartender, sitting on a stool. “Afternoon.”  
  
“Afternoon, gentlemen.” The bartender said as Ford took a seat next to Bill. “What can you get you fellows?”  
  
“I think I'll have a water to start.” Bill said.  
  
“Can I see the menu?” Ford asked.  
  
“Menu and water coming up.” The bartender walked away.  
  
Ford placed his hand on the bar and gasped. “Bill! My hand!”  
  
“Yeah?” Bill asked.  
  
“It's...five! Five!”  
  
“Uh-huh.” Bill indicated his second eye. “Your point?”  
  
“I'm... _normal_.” Ford breathed.  
  
“You're an _elf_.” Bill rolled his eyes.  
  
“So? I'm normal!” Ford waved his hands in front of himself.  
  
“You say that like it's a good thing. Normal is _boring_.” Bill sighed and then looked at him. “I wasn't making fun of you when I said I liked your six fingers before, you know. It's good to be different. Normal... _Regular_ is...” Bill looked at the bar. “Not as good.”  
  
“You sound like you need a drink.” The bartender said, coming back with his water and the menu.  
  
“Ah, no. My experience with alcohol has been...unpleasant.” Bill rubbed at his shoulder, glancing to the side.  
  
“I won't pry.” The bartender shrugged.  
  
“I think I'll have a....how do you pronounce this?” Ford showed him something in the menu.  
  
“Are you sure? It's pretty strong.” The bartender raised an eyebrow.  
  
“I'm willing to risk it.” Ford shrugged.  
  
“Alright.” The bartender walked off to make it.  
  
“You're seriously going to drink that?” Bill frowned.  
  
“Hey, as long as I'm in a strange world in a different body, I may as well go all out, right?” Ford shrugged.  
  
Bill groaned. 'This was SUCH a mistake.'  
  
–  
  
“Hey, there they are!” Stan waved to Bill and Ford coming out of the bar and then halted. “Uh...”  
  
“Heeeey.” Bill waved with his free hand, the other dragging Ford behind him. “Good news is, I got our quest. Bad news, Lee got himself PLASTERED. We'll have to wait for him to wake up and sober up before we go play exterminator.”  
  
“Oh, bro...” Stan sighed. “Well, I bought some food. Let's find a spot to sit down and eat.”  
  
“Doesn't he realize he's wasting all our time doing this?” Pacifica asked, frowning.  
  
“When does he _ever_ care about anyone but himself?” Mabel asked, sighing.  
  
“Waddles, would you mind carrying him?” Bill asked. “You might be able to do better on the strength check than I did.”  
  
Waddles nodded and rolled his dice. It glowed with a high number and then he scooped up the dice and put them in his bag before lifting Ford off the ground and draping him over his shoulder. “Okay...what next?” He asked.  
  
“Now, we eat. We'll save his food for him, I guess. Then we go into the woods. Now would be a good time to brush up on first-level spells, mages in the party.” Bill said as they walked away from the tavern.  
  
“Okay, so what are we doing in the woods?” Mabel asked.  
  
“How many video games have you played?” Bill asked.  
  
“Uhm...a few.” Mabel started to count on her fingers.  
  
“You may have noticed a pattern with a lot of the first dungeons?” Bill prompted.  
  
“Uhm...” Mabel shrugged.  
  
Bill sighed. “Spiders. We're going to wipe out some spiders that have been attacking people that venture into the woods.”  
  
“Spiders? With webs?!” Pacifica cried.  
  
“Yes, Miss Northwest. With webs. And legs. And eyes.” Bill turned to her. “Why, do you have a phobia? You could sit it out with Stupid here.” He indicated Ford.  
  
“Nn...” Pacifica glanced at him. “...But, he's drunk...he might...do something to me...”  
  
“He may be an asshole, but he's not a creep.” Bill shook his head. “Kryptos, on the other hand, you shouldn't trust sober!”  
  
“Man, you're really sour about that ex. How many exes do you have, anyway? Can I start calling you Ramona?” Mabel asked.  
  
“One, we were never dating. Two, I have only ever 'dated' Lee here. And three, I have not had a chance to use my Sight since the last time you made a weird comment about 'exes' and I can't use my powers here.” Bill looked at her. “Any more asinine questions?”  
  
“Okay, sorry.” Mabel raised her hands in surrender.  
  
“Thank you.” Bill looked at Pacifica. “He won't hurt you, but if you would rather brave the spiders than him--”  
  
“I would.” Pacifica cut in.  
  
“Then I'll do my best to protect you. And I'm sure your girlfriend will gladly protect you.” Bill nodded towards Candy, who took Pacifica's hand.  
  
“You'll be okay, Pacifica.” Grenda assured her.  
  
“Is HE, though?” Dipper looked at Ford worriedly.  
  
“He'll be fine. He'll have a hangover and hate it, but he'll be fine otherwise.” Bill waved it off dismissively.  
  
“So...” Stan got out their food and passed some to everyone. “Is the Spider Queen the big boss?”  
  
“Unlikely, but who knows? The DM decides our direction.” Bill shrugged.  
  
“Well, I hope it is. We gotta get back! Gideon will freak out if he finds us gone – again!” Mabel held her head. “He's already way too stressed out!”  
  
“You think you've got problems? Do you see my Time Cop stalker anywhere?” Bill gestured around them.  
  
“Oh...” Mabel cringed.  
  
“Yeah! Time Baby's gonna wonder what the FUCK happened to me!” Bill slapped a hand to his face.  
  
“With any luck, he'll get us out of this.” Stan commented as Mabel swatted Bill twice for the two times he'd cursed in the conversation.  
  
“With any luck, yes.” Bill sighed heavily.  
  
“Anyways, let's finish eating and then squash some bugs!” Stan said, taking a bite of his food triumphantly.  
  
“Glad to see you're having fun.” Bill chuckled.  
  
“I'm having a blast!” Stan said through a mouthful of food.  
  
“Hey, don't talk with your mouth full.” Bill scolded.  
  
“Yes, mom.” Stan said, before swallowing and grinning.  
  
“You two are such brothers.” Bill rolled his eyes. “Lee told me to stop mothering him.”  
  
“Twins~!” Stan laughed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ford is a hopeless drunk.


	119. Creepy-Crawly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's off into the spider forest!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Ten of these gold money things that the first spider is gonna be called Boris.” Stan said as they entered the woods, Ford still slung over Waddles' shoulder.  
  
“Stan, the spiders can't speak to tell us their names.” Bill sighed. “But, sure, okay. You're on.”  
  
“Yes! _Booooris the spiiiiideeeeer~_.” Stan sang as they walked on. “ _Creepy, crawly, creepy, crawly_ \--”  
  
“Can you please stop?!” Pacifica squeaked, clinging to Candy's arm tightly.  
  
“Okay, okay.” Stan looked at her. “Sorry, Pacifica.”  
  
“This place is creepy enough without you singing that.” Pacifica glanced around anxiously.  
  
“I liked his singing.” Dipper commented. “It was fun.”  
  
“And pointing out our position. We can sing about Boris the spider later.” Bill told him gently. “I'd rather not get ambushed by web-crawlers.”  
  
“Ohh...my head...” Ford groaned, slowly waking up. “Nn...why am I...who's carrying me?”  
  
“I am!” Waddles said enthusiastically. “You got...what was the word?” He looked at Bill.  
  
“Utterly and hilariously _plastered_.” Bill said with a grin. “Rise and shine, dorkface. We're in the spider forest.”  
  
“We're WHAT?!” Ford looked around in a panic.  
  
“Relax, no sightings yet. But if you freak out like that again, they just might come for us. Oh, look. Webs. We must be getting close.” Bill pointed to some webbing between a couple trees as they passed them. “Weapons at the ready, everyone.”  
  
Waddles let Ford down and then they both prepared to fight. They could hear something rustling in the bushes and then an unholy screech sounded before it died.  
  
“What...was that?” Mabel asked nervously.  
  
There was silence, and then more rustling before a dark-elf rogue stepped out of the bushes with a human mage and a human brawler, wiping something off his knife casually. Bill blinked in surprise and lowered his knife. “...Tad?”  
  
“Gideon! Blendin!” Dipper said excitedly.  
  
“Hello, Bill. Time Baby sent me.” Tad replied. “The Time Cops are apprehending your DM right now, he'll have to do a stint in Space Jail for all the crimes he has on his record.”  
  
“Thank goodness you're here!” Pacifica went over to him. “Please, get us out of this horrible place!”  
  
“There's a portal opened for you all.” Tad nodded. “Come along.”  
  
“How did you all get mixed up with that guy?” Gideon asked as they walked through the woods. “Blendin called Tad and I as soon as he saw you all vanish in a flash of light.”  
  
“Lee apparently won an illegal Infinity Die at an auction.” Bill explained, annoyed by the whole thing. “Stan accidentally brought it out for us to play with when Lee asked him to get him his dice and then the pig knocked into them and the Die rolled wizard. He was going to just eat their brains until I challenged him to a game. And that's how we got here.”  
  
Tad sighed and looked at Ford. “You're a bundle of trouble, aren't you? And are you drunk?”  
  
“Hungover.” Ford groaned.  
  
“Typical.” Gideon muttered, walking over to take Mabel's hand. “What kind of an idiot gets drunk in a life and death situation?”  
  
“He was too excited about having five fingers for once, I guess.” Bill sighed.  
  
Ford looked at his hands solemnly. “It was good while it lasted.”  
  
Stan frowned. “Lee, you don't need to have five fingers. Six fingers are what make you special, but they don't define you. It's like Ma always said--”  
  
“Ma was just trying t make me feel better, you and I both know that everyone, even dad, mistreated me for them!” Ford snapped.  
  
“But, I never did.” Stan reminded him. “I stood up for you, always. I told you that they were special, that you were special. Does that mean nothing to you?”  
  
Ford just shoved his hands in his pockets and looked away.  
  
“Uhh, this is feeling a bit awkward.” Blendin said nervously.  
  
“Family, huh.” Tad sighed. “It's a mixed bag, and you really can't pick 'em.”  
  
They approached a glowing portal and Tad turned to them. “Once we go through this portal, you'll return to how you once were.” He explained. “You might want to say your goodbyes to the pig while he can still talk.”  
  
“Oh, Waddles!” Mabel gasped and left Gideon's side to hug Waddles tightly. “I forgot that you can't talk normally! Oh, Waddles, I'll miss talking with you!”  
  
Waddles gently hugged her and patted her back. “It's okay, Mabel. Even if I can't talk, I can still understand you. And, who knows, maybe there's a spell or invention that can let me talk in our world.” He said optimistically.  
  
“Maybe.” Mabel wiped at her eyes and nodded. “Yeah. I'll look for that!” She looked at Gideon. “Will you help?”  
  
“I'm focused on the other potion right now, but I can let you into the sub-dimension to look at my books.” Gideon offered.  
  
Mabel nodded. “Thank you. I'll do that. Hey, maybe Bill and Dipper can come with me and meet Midna!”  
  
“Oh yeah, we still haven't met your dragon.” Bill said, nodding.  
  
“A DRAGON?!” Ford exclaimed, his eyes shining.  
  
“You're not invited.” Gideon said coldly.  
  
“Hey, hey. It's okay, Gid. I'll make sure he doesn't do anything.” Bill told him. “Let him meet the dragon.”  
  
“Fine. But if she says for him to leave, he leaves.” Gideon looked away.  
  
Ford nodded. “I understand.”  
  
“A 'thank you' would be appreciated.” Gideon said, not looking at him.  
  
“Oh, I'd like one, too.” Stan held up a hand.  
  
“Okay, time to go through the portal!” Mabel said, grabbing Dipper's hand and pulling him through.  
  
“We'll finish this on the other side.” Gideon told Ford before going through.  
  
“See you there.” Stan said as he passed through the portal after Gideon.  
  
“...Candy...” Pacifica looked at her.  
  
“It's going to be okay, Pacifica.” Candy assured her.  
  
“We'll make it work.” Grenda assured her before the three went through.  
  
Then it was just Ford and Bill left behind, Bill's image flickering like a glitched out computer screen. “I'll go through first.” He told Ford, walking through.  
  
Ford paused to consider that Bill had a physical form at ALL with Dipper in another world now and then followed him. 'That's NOT a good thing.' He concluded.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Game cut short on account of the DM being arrested.


	120. We Need To Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time to address something that everyone's been avoiding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Okay...just hold it steady...” Gideon said softly as he stirred the pot. “Easy, easy...don't let it go in too fast. Thank you, Wendy. I haven't been able to use my powers much lately with all this stress, so you've been a big help.”  
  
“Hey, if it'll help the town, I'm all for helping you. By the way, this is a sweet place you got here.” Wendy looked around the cabin.  
  
“Thank you.” Gideon switched the direction he was stirring.  
  
“So, after this what do we have to do?” Wendy asked.  
  
“Let it sit for three hours and then test it.” Gideon nodded. “That's enough, you can lower the sand now.”  
  
Wendy closed the container and set it down. “Man, the things I've seen you put in this thing, and you expect people to drink this?” She laughed.  
  
“Just don't tell anyone and they don't care.” Gideon chuckled.  
  
“Oh, you're baaaad.” Wendy grinned.  
  
“Anyways, who should be a guinea pig?” Gideon asked. “I don't think we've zapped you, so not you.”  
  
“How about Mr. Founder?” Wendy suggested.  
  
“Good idea.” Gideon nodded. “I'll give him a call while it's sitting.”  
  
–  
  
Dipper glanced around the room nervously, holding onto Mabel's hand. Bill, Stan and Ford were all in chairs around Tad, with Tad tapping his crossed leg impatiently. They had been like this for a few hours now, ever since they got back. Gideon had rushed off without pressing the matter, but Stan and Bill had both insisted on talking to Ford and Tad was being a mediator.  
  
And so far, all they'd done is stare at each other in tense silence. Tad was growing tired of it.  
  
He finally stood up and walked over to the window, closing the curtains to block sight from outside. “I've had enough of this.” He turned to them, his form changing into his demonic human form as he started walking back to his chair.  
  
“Oh, shit.” Ford breathed. “You really ARE Tad Strange...”  
  
“Oh, so you _are_ some big-shot?” Stan asked, looking at Tad. “I thought Bill was just exaggerating.”  
  
“I have gained a _favorable_ reputation, yes.” Tad stood at the chair, tapping his gloved fingers on the back of it. “Enough games, all of you. YOU want an apology that's not going to come.” He pointed at Bill. “And YOU want gratitude that you know your brother will not give.” He pointed to Stan.  
  
“Hey!” Ford stood up angrily.  
  
“Then prove me wrong.” Tad turned to Ford. “Ever since the topic was breached, you have been avoiding looking them in the eye and otherwise been silent.”  
  
“We have more important things to worry about. Like that vision!” Ford said, trying to change the subject.  
  
“Great. Uncle. Lee.” Mabel said in an irritated tone.  
  
“Ugh, fine! No, I will not apologize to Bill! He deceived me! He lied to me! What do I have to apologize for? He deserved what he got!” Ford crossed his arms over his chest.  
  
“You wanna talk lies and deceit? YOU didn't uphold your end of the deal! You took everything you could get from me and then sealed me away when I tried to make you do as you PROMISED!” Bill stood up, glaring at him.  
  
Ford continued on. “And as for gratitude? For what? Getting me out of the multiverse? Well, I wouldn't even be IN there in Stan hadn't fought with me! If he'd only done as I asked--”  
  
“Which was to take your stupid book and get out of your life.” Stan cut in.  
  
“--then it all would have been just fine!” Ford finished.  
  
“Just fine? You threw me out once and then you called me back just to do it again? What, did you want to do it YOURSELF, that time?” Stan stood up.  
  
Tad frowned. “Everyone, sit back down.”  
  
“You brought that on yourself, you ruined my future!” Ford snapped.  
  
“You ruined my LIFE!” Stan slapped his hand to his chest. “All because of a stupid project?! You could've gotten into ANY school! You fared just FINE without that one, and you led me on for YEARS by never telling me you were planning to ditch our dream! You want to talk about lies and deceit?!”  
  
“It was important to me! And you ruined it!” Ford snapped. “You damaged my project--”  


“GREAT UNCLE STANFORD FILBRICK PINES, YOU SHUT UP RIGHT NOW!” Mabel stood up, glaring at him. “We already established that even though he slightly damaged it, he fixed it and it was still running. Someone FRAMED him back then, and it was probably a bully looking to tear you two apart! So, drop it about the stupid project that wasn't even HIS fault! And as for deceit, did you ever tell McGucket about Bill?!” She put her hands on her hips. “About what _exactly_ he was working on?!”  
  
“You—what--this is grown-up matters!” Ford shook his head. “You stay out of--”  
  
“I will NOT!” Mabel stepped forward, stomping her foot. “I'm a part of this family, I have a right to have some kind of say in this whole mess!”  
  
Dipper whimpered and climbed off his chair, heading outside.  
  
“Pine Tree?” Bill looked over in concern and followed him.  
  
Tad sighed. “...I think that's as far as we're going to get today. Bill has clearly demonstrated what is most important to him right now.”  
  
“Yeah. I think I'll go join them.” Mabel walked out of the room.  
  
“...She called me by my real name.” Ford smiled a bit.  
  
“Yeah, to scold you like mom used to.” Stan chuckled.  
  
Ford looked at Tad. “...How long have you been here?”  
  
“Since you left. I slipped in when you went out.” Tad replied, his form changing back to his human disguise.. “I rather like it here, actually.”  
  
Ford nodded, then looked at Stan. “...You never explained who Rico was, by the way.”  
  
“It doesn't matter. Gideon erased his memory of me. He's not coming back.” Stan walked out of the room.  
  
Tad took a deep breath and then aggressively shoved his chair against a wall. “We are not finished here. You need to get over yourself. Stan and Bill are here to stay, and you better hope the Cosmos has mercy on you and you didn't let in something bad for this dimension with your mucking around.” He walked out of the room.  
  
Ford cringed, thinking of what he'd found by the portal. “...Fuuuuuuuuuuck....”  
  
–  
  
“So, if I take this it'll restore my lost memories?” McGucket asked, looking at the potion.  
  
“Yes.” Gideon nodded. “Well, assuming it works...there is a margin of error, it could turn you into a newt instead, but I have a spell to fix that if it happens.”  
  
“I'm willing to risk it!” McGucket grinned and held up the vial to the light. “So, I just drink this much?”  
  
“Yep. And wash it down with freshwater.” Gideon picked up a glass he'd prepared.  
  
“Alright, here goes!” McGucket grinned. “Bottoms up!” He tipped it back and drank the potion in one go.  
  
Shifty looked a bit nervous. “What if he hates me after this?”  
  
“He won't.” Wendy assured him. “It doesn't effect any new memories, just restores the forgotten ones.”  
  
“But, I was so mean...” Shifty whimpered.  
  
“It'll be okay.” Gideon assured him. “Considering all you went through, I'm sure he can understand. I mean, you had to deal with _him_.” He glanced to the side, scowling.  
  
“Don't kill him.” Wendy joked.  
  
“No...Bill wouldn't let me.” Gideon sighed. “Even though he deserves execution. He tried to kidnap the fairy princess for study!”  
  
“No way.” Wendy gasped. “Seriously? Kidnapping?”  
  
“He experimented on me.” Shifty mumbled.  
  
“Hngh!” McGucket dropped the vial and held his head. “Ahh...ahhhhhhh!”  
  
“It's okay, it's okay! It's just his memories setting in! This is supposed to happen!” Gideon assured Wendy, who was looking about to make him cough up the potion.  
  
McGucket fell to his hands and knees, breathing heavily. “Oh, god...oh, no....oh, the things I have seen...”  
  
“Are you going to be okay?” Gideon asked worriedly.  
  
“I...I'll...manage.” McGucket shakily stood up. “Water...”  
  
Gideon handed him to the glass and he gladly drank it. “How do you feel?”  
  
“Like I might have nightmares for a little while, but I'll be okay.” McGucket smiled and looked at him. “Thank you.”  
  
“If we mix it in something else, maybe food, it might nullify the pain effect as the memories set in.” Gideon said thoughtfully.  
  
“How about a bake-sale?” Wendy suggested.  
  
“Great idea, I'll contact Mabel! We can have it at the Shack!” Gideon pulled out his cell-phone.  
  
“You really okay?” Shifty asked nervously. “Do you...remember me now?”  
  
McGucket nodded. “I do...but I'm not upset. I know you only did what you did out of desperation.” He gently rubbed Shifty's head.  
  
“After we fix everyone, maybe we can trash the gun.” Wendy suggested.  
  
“Oh, but what if more government agents come?” McGucket looked at her. “I think it's still of use.”  
  
“Sure, _you_ would. You made it.” Wendy rolled her eyes.  
  
“Darlin', have you been cryin'? What happened?” Gideon asked on the phone. “A fight? Oh, Mabel...do you want me to come over? Alright, I'm on my way.” He hung up and sighed. “Your old partner is causin' trouble back at the Shack again.”  
  
“I'll go with you.” McGucket nodded firmly. “I need to have a talk with him, anyway.”  
  
“Now that you can properly remember.” Wendy stretched. “Me, I'm going home. Call me when you need more help with this. I'd rather not deal with Stan 2.”  
  
Gideon nodded and headed for the door. “Thank you for all your help, Wendy.”  
  
“No prob.” She gave a lazy thumbs-up.

–  
  
“Has he always been so troublesome?” Gideon asked as they approached the Shack.  
  
“I only knew him from college on. I do know he doesn't take 'no' for an answer.” McGucket sighed. “And I was such a pushover back then...”  
  
Shifty sighed. “He freaked out as soon as he saw me...maybe he'll actually talk to me this time?”  
  
“McGucket!” Bill greeted as they walked up. “Hey, Gid. 'Sup, Shifty?”  
  
“Hey, guys.” Dipper said glumly.  
  
“You're here!” Mabel ran over and hugged Gideon. “I don't know what to do, I've never felt so mad before, why is he so stubborn?” She whimpered into his shoulder.  
  
He gently patted her back. “It's alright, Mabel. We're here now.”  
  
McGucket sighed and walked in, looking in at Ford examining Wax Stan like it was the most important thing in the world right now. “Stanford Filbrick Pines.” He walked up to him as Ford looked up at him, startled. “We need to talk.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And Fiddleford is back in his right mind!


	121. Restoration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ford and McGucket have a talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

Ford looked back at Wax Stan. “It's quite the work of art, isn't it? Practically professional. I'd like to meet the artist.”  
  
“You have. You made her and her brother cry.” McGucket said flatly.  
  
“Oh...” Ford groaned. “I'm doing really bad at this family thing, aren't I?”  
  
“Considering how all you had to say about your family during college was that they were all swindlers, I'd say you're doing about average.” McGucket replied.  
  
“...You remember that?” Ford looked at him.  
  
“Thanks to Gideon's potion, I remember everything.” McGucket said, nodding. “And we have a lot to talk about, starting with your ego.”  
  
“My...ego?” Ford frowned.  
  
McGucket sighed. “Don't play dumb. You never got zapped. Let's not beat around the bush, old friend.”  
  
–  
  
“Okay, so I propose...cupcakes!” Mabel grinned.  
  
“Cupcakes?” Gideon asked.  
  
“We can put the potion in each individual cupcake! It'll be perfect!” Mabel clapped her hands together excitedly.  
  
Gideon smiled. “Alright, cupcakes it is.”  
  
“Oh, but I need to get cake mix. We can go do that now! Grunkle Stan!” She ran off to find him.  
  
“Good of you to provide a distraction.” Bill walked over to Gideon. “Things got...tense. Ford's not going to thank or apologize to anyone, it seems.”  
  
“I figured that she would need something fun to do. The board game the other day turned out to be a life-threatening situation and she just needs something with a little less adventure.” Gideon sighed softly, smiling a bit.  
  
“Speaking of 'a little less adventure', how's your mom doing?” Bill asked.  
  
“Well, it's been interesting. Preston came over to help her out, since my father is, well, practically bed-ridden lately. I'll have to make sure he gets a cupcake, or give it to him in his drink tomorrow.” Gideon frowned. “I'm just...concerned about how he'll react to it.”  
  
“I'm more concerned about Ivan.” Bill remarked. “Any idea who he was?”  
  
“No, not yet. Oh! But McGucket might!” Gideon headed inside.  
  
“...and that's where your problem lies. You've been so rotted in your insecurity about your hands that you push aside your family, your friends, and bury yourself in your own ego so much that you completely disregarded, say, _my_ dream of starting a computer company.” McGucket was saying as Gideon stepped in.  
  
“...I suppose that was...inconsiderate of me. I even laughed at it.” Ford said glumly. “I'm sorry, McGucket. I was supposed to be your friend, but I only saw you as something to raise me higher.”  
  
“Exactly. Now, see, you CAN apologize.” McGucket crossed his arms in front of his chest. “And you have a good many apologies and thank yous to give.”  
  
“If you're talking about to Stan and Bill, I will not.” Ford said stubbornly.  
  
“Excuse me, McGucket?” Gideon walked over to them. “Before he leads you into a neverending loop of stubbornness, could you tell me if you remember who Ivan used to be?”  
  
“Oh, Ivan? He was a guy working at a carnival! He had seen and been through some pretty horrible things, so I offered him a chance to erase it all.” McGucket turned to him. “I think...it would be best to just let him have a fresh start. Some of things he told me about, I wouldn't want to remember that if I were him.”  
  
“Okay, so don't give him the potion. Got it.” Gideon nodded. “I'll let you continue your conversation.”  
  
“No, I should get back to Shifty.” McGucket shook his head. “I don't feel like looping right now. See you later, Stanford.” He walked out of the building.  
  
“See you, McGucket.” Ford gave a small wave and then looked at Gideon. “...Potion?”  
  
“I'm fixing the damage you inadvertently caused.” Gideon said coolly. “Because of what you put him through, McGucket invented the memory gun and it had horrible effects on the minds of everyone here.”  
  
“Wow, so cold. Just build an ice wall already.” Ford chuckled a bit at his joke, then stared with dropped jaw when Gideon did just that and walked out. “It was a joke!”  
  
“You can stay in there until it melts. Or use the other door.” Gideon said, walking away.

“Wow, he _really_ doesn't like you. What, exactly, did you do?” Tyrone asked, walking out and standing next to Ford to look at the wall from a safe distance. “I better remind Gideon that letting this thing melt is hazardous to me.” He headed for the back door.  
  
–  
  
“Are you sure this is enough for everyone?” Mabel asked.  
  
“We can make more mix if we have to.” Gideon said, swiping his sub-dimension ring. “Let me go get the potion. I put it in here for easy carry.”  
  
“I have GOT to get me one of those.” Stan commented as he passed Mabel the cupcake pans.  
  
“Well, it's not easy to get one.” Gideon said as he reached in and pulled out a few bottles of potion and a vial. “This one was given to me by someone, and he had to earn his. He'll have to earn another one, but he wanted to help me.”  
  
“How do you earn them?” Stan asked.  
  
“Doing certain magical tasks, like brewing specific potions for the Wizard Council or casting a specific spell.” Gideon shrugged. “I've never actually done it, you can't do it until you're 16.”  
  
“So, you're using the ring without a license?” Stan grinned.  
  
“...I suppose I am, yes.” Gideon nodded.  
  
“Hah! Little criminal.” Stan rubbed his head. “You fit right in with this family!”  
  
“No wonder you took to Bill so well.” Ford commented, walking into the kitchen.  
  
Gideon just rolled his eyes and opened one of the bottles, pouring some of the potion into the vial.  
  
“Lee, good to see you! Can you put these cupcake liners into the pan?” Stan handed them to him. “I'm gonna go help Dipper and Bill with decorations!” He walked out of the kitchen.  
  
Ford sighed and started to put the liners into the pans. “So, what exactly is going on today?”  
  
“We're going to have a bake sale.” Mabel replied. “It'll bring in extra to help repair the Shack after the government guys so rudely damaged it.”  
  
“And this potion...is it safe in these cupcakes?” Ford asked as Mabel put in the mix and then Gideon followed her with the vial of potion, refilling the vial each time.  
  
“Yes, it is safe. Oh, but I should call my friend and make sure it's okay with pregnant women. Once these are baking, I'll do that.” Gideon said, nodding and going to refill the vial again.  
  
“That looks simple enough. Why don't you go do that now and I'll do the potion stuff?” Ford suggested.  
  
“It has to be very precise.” Gideon said as he went to pour it in.  
  
“Gideon, come on. Let him try. He IS a scientist.” Mabel coaxed him.  
  
Gideon frowned and looked about to protest but sighed and nodded. “Alright, then. I'll stay and watch the first five to make sure you don't mess up and then I'll make the call.”  
  
Ford nodded. “Alright, so what do I need to do?”  
  
“Let me mark the measurement.” Gideon got out a marker and put a mark on the vial. “It has to be at this spot. No more, no less. Understand?” He asked Ford firmly.  
  
Ford took the vial and bottle and carefully poured the potion into the vial. “Like this?”  
  
“Good. Now put it on top of the cupcake mix.” He pointed to the cupcakes that hadn't had the potion added yet, as Mabel had been continuing to put mix in while they talked.  
  
Ford nodded and poured potion into one, then refilled the vial. “How about this?”  
  
“You're doing alright. Might not a completely lost cause. I'll stay for three more before I do the call. And don't put the cupcakes in when you're done, I have to do one more thing before we bake them.”  
  
“Alright!” Mabel nodded.  
  
“Sounds good.” Ford poured in the potion and then refilled the vial again before moving on to the next.  
  
Gideon watched a bit longer before walking out of the room to do his phone call. Ford watched him go and then looked at Mabel. “Why is he so concerned about the effect on pregnant women?” He asked her.  
  
“His mother is pregnant, but she really needs the potion. His father used the memory gun on her a lot, and it's...twisted her mind. One moment she's really sweet and the next she's...well, she tried to kill Gideon. Twice.” Mabel moved to the side so Ford could reach the cupcakes better and moved on to the other pan.  
  
“Yikes...that's a frightening invention for sure.” Ford frowned.  
  
“Well, you put Mr. McGucket through a LOT of frightening experiences.” Mabel said firmly.  
  
“I did...” Ford sighed. “I really hurt him, didn't I? And because of it, he hurt the town. No wonder Gideon hates me.”  
  
“Actually, he hates you because of Schmebulok Sr.” Mabel corrected as she continued with the cupcakes.  
  
“Schmebulok...who?” Ford blinked.  
  
“A gnome that you experimented on so much that he grew sickly and his son was born mentally deranged.” Gideon said, walking into the kitchen again. “The potion is fine with pregnant women, he said.”  
  
“Who is 'he'?” Ford asked.  
  
“His name is Roquefort, he's a wizard from Washington State that's been giving me tips and advice.” Gideon replied. “He's the one that gave me this ring, Mabel.”  
  
“Ohh, the nice wizard has a name now!” Mabel giggled.  
  
Gideon looked at Ford's handiwork. “You're doing well. I'll let you continue and get another vial so I can help.”  
  
“I guess I didn't really think about the consequences of my actions.” Ford admitted.  
  
“Of course not, scientists never do.” Gideon sighed.  
  
“But, if Thomas Edison were afraid to take risks, would we have the lightbulb?” Ford gestured to the lightbulb up above.  
  
“There's a difference between inventing something and taking a chance it might blow up and experimenting on _living creatu_ res _._ ” Gideon raised an eyebrow at him. “You went away from 'inventor' and straight to 'mad scientist'.”  
  
“Oh, alright. I admit, I did wrong.” Ford sighed. “I don't suppose there's a potion that can fix that?”  
  
“Magic can't fix everything. Sometimes you just have to live with the consequences.” Gideon said as he filled a second vial and poured it into a potion-less cupcake.  
  
Ford sighed and looked over at the door. “How can you trust a demon so easily? I mean, the things he's done...”  
  
“You would faint about some of the things I'VE done.” Gideon chuckled a bit. “Bill may have been bad before, but he's good now. And he's not a demon, he's an inter-dimensional alien. He's not Hellspawn.”  
  
“What's the difference?” Ford huffed. “He makes deals, he's a demon.”  
  
“Nevermind, it's pointless reasoning with you.” Gideon rolled his eyes. “Anyways, whatever he is, he has proven time and time again to be good for this town. Heck, he proved just the other day how much he cared. He could've let the guy just eat your brains, he only wanted the mortals.” Gideon reminded him.  
  
“I told him.” Mabel said simply at Ford's confused expression.  
  
“Oh. Well, I thought he was just saving us for Pyronica, honestly.” Ford admitted.  
  
“Who?” Gideon asked.  
  
“Pyronica. She's his right-hand woman, and...I admit, she's beautiful. Scantily-clad, but beautiful.” Ford blushed a bit.  
  
“Ah.” Gideon nodded. “What's she look like?”  
  
Ford chuckled. “Pink, very pink. She wears a one-piece strapless bathing suit and a red cape and--”  
  
“A red cape?” Gideon looked at him, startled.  
  
“Yes?” Ford blinked.  
  
“A red...cloth?” Gideon set down his empty vial. “Keep putting the potion in, I have to find Bill.” He headed out of the room.  
  
“What's his rush?” Ford asked.  
  
“His vision, probably.” Mabel sighed. “I'm still getting used to everything about him.”  
  
“How long have you known each other?” Ford asked.  
  
“Oh, we met at the start of the summer.” Mabel smiled.  
  
“And you're already kissing?” Ford breathed.  
  
“We even had a fake wedding, in a play!” Mabel said cheerfully.  
  
“...Kids grow up really fast these days.” Ford said, filling the vial again and moving to put the potion into a cupcake.  
  
Mabel giggled.  
  
–  
  
“This was a great idea, Mabel!” Stan said as they finished setting up for the bake sale. “And it's such a great day, too! Oh, I'll go get the rest of the cupcakes!” He walked inside.  
  
“Mabel, do we really need so many balloons?” Ford asked, looking around.  
  
“STANNY!”   
  
“Huh?!” Ford looked up in alarm before he was bowled over by a woman aggressively kissing his cheek. “M-Madam, I am not who you think I am!”  
  
“Susan!” Stan came out with the cupcakes. “I see you've met my brother!”  
  
“Brother? Oh! Pardon me!” She got up and helped him stand up before heading for Stan. “STANNY!”  
  
“Whoa, hold on. Cupcakes.” Stan set them down and them opened his arms for her. “Now I can hug and kiss.”  
  
She went into his arms and hugged him before giving him a big kiss. “I haven't seen you in so long, you've been so busy!”  
  
“I'm sorry, I'll have to come down for breakfast tomorrow.” Stan smiled and gestured to the cupcakes. “We're having a bake sale today! Do you want one?”  
  
“Oh, do I!” She walked over and looked at the cupcakes. “Mm, they all look so good!”  
  
“Oh, you're gonna love them.” Mabel smiled. “They really take you back.”  
  
“Ohh, I look forward to it!” Susan wriggled a bit in anticipation.  
  
“So...you're dating her?” Ford asked Stan, rubbing his cheek.  
  
“Yep.” Stan sighed.  
  
“She's...nice. I don't remember her eye being that way.” Ford commented.  
  
“Oh, uh, that was my fault. I had her over and one of your doohickeys zapped her eye. I moved all of your stuff after that.” Stan said nervously.  
  
“How long have you been dating?” Ford asked.  
  
“Uhm...since...June? Yeah, June. Gideon and Mabel helped us get together.” Stan grinned. “Those kids are really sweet.”  
  
“Gideon seems to have some...issues.” Ford commented.  
  
“Yeah, well, it hasn't exactly been easy for him. But, he's recovering from it all, and being with Mabel is really helping him as a person.” Stan nodded, watching as curious townsfolk came for cupcakes.  
  
Ford nodded. “McGucket...seems to be a lot better. He remembers everything he'd forgotten. Even...the bad things. He was saying that Ivan probably shouldn't get any of the potion.”  
  
“Ivan? Oh, that guy. Yeah, probably not.” Stan shrugged. “Hey, come in and help me bring out more cupcakes.”  
  
Ford nodded and followed him in. “Where is Bill?” He looked around.  
  
“He's with Tad and Dipper. Blendin's with them, I think they said something about a picnic.” Stan shrugged.  
  
“A...picnic?” Ford tried to imagine Bill at a picnic. It certainly wasn't a tranquil scene, that's for sure. “I'm going to go look for them.” He told Stan. “After we get all the cupcakes out.”  
  
“Sure, whatever you wanna do.” Stan shrugged.  
  
Ford helped him bring out the cupcakes and then headed out, passing by a long line of people eager to try cupcakes. Some he recognized, others...not so much. It didn't matter, he needed to find Bill and keep an eye on him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone will be better soon!


	122. Ridiculous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ford sneaks after Bill to find out what he's up to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

Ford headed for town, looking around. “Shoot, I forgot to ask WHERE the picnic was.” He muttered. “It could be in the woods for all I know. I should turn back and ask.” He headed back to the Mystery Shack, but paused when he noticed movement in the trees. “Ah, there they are.” He slipped into the woods, looking around for where he saw them walking by.  
  
“...and honestly I'm feeling a bit nervous with that gun in my room, but I don't feel safe enough around him to ask him for him to put it somewhere else.” Bill was saying as he walked next to Tad, who was using his demonic-looking form, with Blendin and Dipper a bit ahead carrying a blanket and picnic basket.  
  
“Well, maybe someone else could suggest it?” Tad suggested.  
  
“Yeah, who? He's convinced I've brainwashed everyone.” Bill scoffed. “I'll just have to suck it up, I suppose.”  
  
“He thinks you've brainwashed Time Baby? Really?” Tad sighed heavily. “That's just groping at straws, that one is.”  
  
Ford felt insulted, but decided not to say anything and follow quietly.  
  
“I don't know how to convince him that I've really changed.” Bill sighed.  
  
“Well, changing the subject a bit, I have a question.” Tad turned to him, stopping mid-walk. “How long ago did you renew your physical form? You've been limping for a little while now.”  
  
“Shit, was hoping you wouldn't notice.” Bill cringed.  
  
Tad smacked his head lightly. “Don't swear around Dipper and answer the question.”  
  
“Uhm...I last renewed it the night of the party, since we had everyone there to do it and I needed it.” Bill said thoughtfully. “So, let's see...Day 1 was when Ford came back, then there was a day between that and the DDMD thing, and then it's been two days since then...” He jolted. “We're going on six days! It's only supposed to last 48 hours!”  
  
“I noticed.” Tad nodded. “Something is linking you to your body strongly enough that you can retain your temporary form for a much longer time.”  
  
“What is it?” Bill asked. “The portal's closed!”  
  
“Why don't you find out?” Tad suggested. “Use your sight.”  
  
“Okay...” Bill brought his hands up to his eye in a triangle shape and focused. Tad waited patiently and then Bill gasped and dropped his hands to his sides.

 

“Well?” Tad asked. “What did you see?”  
  
“A rift.” Bill looked at Tad and grabbed his arms. “There's a fucking _rift_. The X in the sky! Gideon saw it in his vision, I should've figured that out! Ugh, no! We can't let that vision come true!” He held his head. “We can't let that rift open, Tad, we can't! We can't let them in! W-We can't...they'll...”  
  
“Breathe, Cipher. Breathe.” Tad gently pulled him close and stroked his hair soothingly. “No matter what happens, you're not alone, okay? I won't let them hurt you, or anyone else for that matter. And if we can find the rift and seal it, then it won't be a problem.”  
  
Ford was SURE this was all a farce. Surely they knew he was listening and was acting like they were going to seal it, when really they would open it! Oh, he knew Cipher was a master manipulator, but to go this far...   
  
'I have make sure he never finds the rift.' He thought, running off back to the Shack.  
  
–  
  
Bill went down the elevator and looked into the basement. “Ford? Hello? Y'here?”  
  
“You're calling me by my actual name?” Ford asked from over by the portal.  
  
“Well, we're not around others.” Bill shrugged and walked over to him. “Any luck on finding out why my powers got stronger? Because I'm kind of starting to freak out a bit here.”  
  
“No, I haven't found anything.” Ford said, opening a toolbox.  
  
“What are you doing?” Bill asked.  
  
“Dismantling the portal.” Ford said firmly. “A door goes two ways.”  
  
“That's what I told Stan.” Bill sighed heavily. “Anyways, let me know if you find out anything. Also, there's ice cream for dessert if you want any.”  
  
“I don't really--”  
  
“Let me rephrase. Shooting Star demands that you come and join us for ice-cream because she made it herself and 'you're supposed to be family so come and join the family'.” Bill chuckled. “And if you don't come up with me, she'll come down after you herself.”  
  
“Oh, fine.” Ford set down the toolbox and stood up. “Ice-cream it is.”  
  
Bill grinned and walked to the elevator. “So, you helped out with the bake sale?”  
  
“Well, I helped set up.” Ford shrugged.  
  
“Aw, what? You could've taken that time to reintroduce yourself to everyone!” Bill pushed the elevator button.  
  
“I'd rather not. I didn't spend time with the townfolk _before_ I went through the portal and I won't start now.” Ford huffed.  
  
“Lame.” Bill stuck his tongue out at him.  
  
“Stop being cute, it's disturbing.” Ford said before he could stop himself.  
  
“...Cute?” Bill blinked at him.  
  
The door opened and Ford ran in. “Let's go get some ice-cream!”  
  
“Dude, did you just call me 'cute'?” Bill stepped in after him.  
  
“Just drop it!” Ford insisted.  
  
“No, really! What did you mean by 'cute'?” Bill asked.  
  
“I wasn't calling _you_ cute, I meant 'cute' in a ridiculous way! You were being ridiculous!” Ford turned to the wall.  
  
“Uh-huuuh. Okay.” Bill shrugged. “Right back at you, then.”  
  
“How am I being ridiculous?” Ford scoffed.  
  
“You are forcing yourself to hate me and be unhappy with everyone here, but I see the little smiles you slip out every now and then. You actually like how things are. You like seeing your brother being successful, you like seeing me being a nice guy, and you like the kids.”  
  
Ford growled and grabbed Bill's coat roughly, slamming Bill into the wall. “Let's get one thing straight, Bill Cipher. I don't think you're actually a 'good guy', and your domestic farce is just one more 'cute' thing that I've had to endure. I don't know what game you're playing, but I'll expose you for the monster you are!” He said firmly.  
  
“Sure. Right after Gideon exposes you for the monster _you_ are.” Bill raised his eyebrow. “He has documented proof you're a sadistic asshole. Me? All they have is our word. And I've been honest with them. Have you? What _exactly_ did you do and see out there to earn you a spot in the audience at Globnar?” He grabbed Ford's wrist and moved his hand off his coat as the elevator opened. “Had to be something that impressed some big guys, but you're being awfully hush-hush. Did you kill someone for someone influential?” He grinned and walked out of the elevator, heading for the kitchen.  
  
Ford cringed. “He turned it right back on me...damn him.” He muttered.  
  
He had to admit, though, that tongue thing actually WAS cute...  
  
–  
  
“How did the bake sale go today?” Bill asked as Stan served up ice-cream for everyone.  
  
“Oh, it went great! Some people had headaches, but they blamed the heat. Gideon's dad is back to his usual spry self and Gideon's mom is remorseful for all the things she didn't remember and is vowing to be a better mom from now on to both him AND the little one coming.” Mabel said excitedly. “He's so happy now!”  
  
“He can finally have a normal family life.” Stan nodded.  
  
“Well, as normal as a life you can have when you're a psychic and your dad's a con artist and your aunt and uncle are rich.” Bill laughed.  
  
“Heh, yeah.” Stan nodded and served Ford some ice-cream. “You want any toppings?”  
  
“Let me try it without some first.” Ford said, grabbing his spoon. “Hey, where's the Time Cop?”  
  
“Apparently he's lactose intolerant, so he got peanut butter cookies instead.” Mabel said, covering hers with hot fudge and sprinkles. “They still have lactose intolerance in the future?”  
  
Ford shrugged. “I've been to space, not through time.”  
  
“Well, we have. And we actually met you, though the Time Cops made you forget it!” Mabel grinned. “You fixed our time machine for us!”  
  
“Did I?” Ford asked.  
  
“Yes. McGucket was like 'bless his heart for taking on _another_ task'!” Dipper giggled.  
  
“That sounds like him. And that wasn't a nice thing of him to say, he essentially told me that I was crazy and to go to hell before I even think about involving him when he said that.” Ford chuckled a bit.  
  
“Actually, the one to really fix it was me.” Bill said, sighing. “You collapsed halfway through from lack of sleep and I finished the job.”  
  
“You remember it?” Ford frowned.  
  
“One, I went through time with these guys so I remember that way. Two, part of my Globnar wish was that time and mind powers not affect me.” Bill grinned sheepishly. “I knew the whole time that we got time-travelers, but I forgot by the time I actually did it.”  
  
“30 years will mess with ya.” Stan nodded. “Some things are hazy in my mind and others are too clear for my liking.”  
  
“Like Rico?” Ford pressed.  
  
“Fine, I'll tell you. Rico was a guy I met in jail and when we got out he gave me a job to get me back on my feet. It was illegal, yeah, but it was mostly stealing and being the getaway driver, and transferring goods. Well...one time, the goods he wanted me to transfer were some kids he had kidnapped for ransom. I let them go, costing him a LOT of money, and he punished me for it. I escaped, and apparently he never gave up the hunt. When I went to Vegas under your name this summer, he recognized my name and face and came after me.” Stan explained.  
  
“What happened then?” Ford asked. “Were the kids okay?”  
  
“The kids were fine. I got T-boned, ended up in a coma in the hospital, and Gideon went vigilante on the guy as soon as I woke up.” Stan shrugged. “Bill didn't give me any details, just that he found them in a cabin in the woods, and I heard Dipper say something about a bucket before Bill shushed him.” Stan looked at Bill.  
  
“Gideon was being a bit extreme.” Bill shrugged before taking a bite of his ice-cream.  
  
“Anyways, then Gideon wiped Rico's memories of me so that he'd never come after me again and he's never been back.” Stan smiled a bit. “He's a bit crazy, but a good kid.”  
  
Ford nodded. “He seems like it. So, uh, I actually haven't really gotten to know you kids very well since coming back.” He looked at Mabel.  
  
“Partly because we like Bill and you keep bad-mouthing him.” Mabel said simply.  
  
“What kind of things do you like?” Ford asked.  
  
“Oh! I like crafts and shiny things and glitter and unicorns and scrapbooking and sewing and singing and dancing and--” Mabel sucked in air too fast and started choking. Before Ford could get up to help her, Bill had snapped his fingers and a double was behind Mabel gently beating on her back. “Thanks, Bill.” She said breathlessly.  
  
“Slow down, Star.” Bill said, snapping his fingers and making the double disappear again.  
  
“So...you can make doubles, now?” Ford asked.  
  
“I've actually _been_ able to.” Bill said, looking thoughtful. “So far the biggest difference I've noticed about my getting stronger is being able to keep my physical form longer and I can go farther away from Pine Tree than before.”  
  
“Farther away?” Ford asked.  
  
“It used to be I had to be in the same building at all times. Now I can go all the way to town while he stays here.” Bill explained. “It's both cool and actually kind of concerning. I don't like this sudden power-boost. Tad said there might be a rift somewhere, did you find anything?”  
  
“No.” Ford shook his head. “I haven't found anything.”  
  
“Well, we need to find it. If it opens, and it will if we don't find it and seal it somehow before it does, then the Nightmare Realm will come pouring right in.” Bill said firmly.  
  
“What's the Nightmare Realm?” Dipper asked.  
  
“That's where my real body is.” Bill said, sighing. “As well as Pyronica and everyone else.”  
  
“Did Kryptos come from there?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Ah, since the Nightmare Realm is actually my home world converted by my vengeful powers, technically yes.” Bill grinned sheepishly. “Tad, too.”  
  
“What did it used to be called?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Heck if I know.” Bill shrugged. “I guess some people called it Flatland?”  
  
“With pancake people?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Sure, we'll call The Circles 'pancake people'. Triangles are now 'doritos' and Rectangles are 'pop-tarts'.” Bill rolled his eye while everyone but Ford and Bill laughed. “Squares like Tad are now going to be 'sugar cubes'.”  
  
“Stop, stop!” Dipper laughed.  
  
“Seriously, what is it with you and thinking of food when it comes to my true form?” Bill raised his eyebrow at him.  
  
“Food makes everything tastier!” Dipper grinned.  
  
“Don't eat my world.” Bill said flatly, then laughed. “You goofball!” He got up and went to Dipper's chair, pulling him up and giving him a noogie. “Silly little goofball!”  
  
“Nooo, stop, stop! Help! Uncle!” Dipper squirmed in his grasp, grabbing at Bill's hand.  
  
“Which one?” Stan laughed.  
  
“I think you should stop, Bill.” Ford said.  
  
“Aww, already?” Bill pouted and set Dipper down. “Okay, okay.” He brushed Dipper's hair back into place and put the hat he'd knocked off back on.  
  
Dipper giggled and adjusted his hat before going back to his ice-cream.  
  
Ford looked back at his own ice-cream. Surely Bill was pretending? The Bill had heard of was a cruel and vicious murderer, who killed his own world in cold blood. Who cared why he did it? Governments did horrible stuff all the time, that didn't excuse genocide. And what the HELL did he mean by 'colors' before? Ugh, he shouldn't be spending so much time trying to figure him out. He had to hide the rift so Bill didn't open it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Isn't it amazing how quickly a conversation can go from gloomy to funny when food is involved?


	123. Election of 2012

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is restored, but now there's politics to worry about on top of the impending apocalypse!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

Ford yawned as he came out of the lab, where he had been working on dismantling the portal. To his surprise he heard music playing in the lounge and looked in curiously.  
  
Mabel, Dipper and Bill were all dancing and singing along with some bouncy song on Mabel's stereo. Bill had removed his coat and had it draped over a chair, which meant that Ford got a good look at the way his body moved while he danced. And it was good, damnit, why was this strange humanoid body so good-looking? It had a definite inhuman look to it, no human had skin that color or ears like that, but it was also stunningly attractive to Ford and he hated it. And the worst part was that he couldn't tear his eyes away. Damn him! Was this his intention? To seduce him?   
  
“Hey, party people.” Stan walked over to the doorway. “We gotta get dressed up and head out. There's a town meeting today.”  
  
“A town meeting?” Bill asked. “About what?”  
  
“Mayor's passed away, time to pick a new one.” Stan shrugged. “Come on.”  
  
“Oh, okay.” Mabel turned off her music and Bill grabbed his coat and put it on, noticing Ford at the doorway as he did.  
  
“Were you here this whole time?” Bill asked.  
  
“I got here just before Stan did.” Ford said defensively.  
  
“When's the funeral?” Mabel asked. “I mean, we haven't even had the funeral and they're picking his replacement? Isn't there a deputy mayor or something?”  
  
“Nope, this town doesn't have deputy mayors.” Stan shook his head. “It's weird how they pick the mayor.”  
  
“There will be a funeral though, right?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Probably.” Stan shrugged and walked away.  
  
“'Probably'?” Mabel asked as she followed him out.  
  
“I wonder who'll be mayor next?” Dipper asked, walking out with Bill.  
  
“Who knows? We better get going.” Bill shrugged.  
  
Ford sighed and followed them, pausing to run a comb through his hair before heading outside

–

“Mabel!” Gideon greeted them as they got to the Town Hall and took Mabel's hand in his.  
  
“We're here too, y'know.” Stan laughed. “Hey, Susan!” He walked over to her and took her hands, saying something quietly that made her giggle and playfully swat him before they lightly kissed and went to sit down.  
  
“Guess we're going over there.” Bill gestured to where they sat.  
  
“My parents are already sitting. See you after?” Gideon said to Mabel, reluctantly releasing her hand.  
  
“You can sit next to her, we don't mind.” Bud called over.  
  
Gideon blushed as the other townfolk giggled and chuckled a bit. “Well, since he already said.”  
  
Mabel giggled and took his hand. “Let's go.”  
  
Bill looked around and spotted Tad. “Hey, mind if Pine Tree and I sit next to Tad?” He asked.  
  
“Go ahead!” Mabel grinned.  
  
Blendin came in behind Bill. “Sorry, I'm not used to dressing up!”  
  
Bill looked at him. “I was wondering where you were. Come on, Sixer, let's four go join Tad.” He led them through the crowd. Tad spoke to the people next to him and they got up to allow room.  
  
“It's nice to see you being somewhat civil today, Mr. Pines.” Tad said pleasantly to Ford.  
  
Ford sighed. “...I got an earful from McGucket. Where is he, anyway?” He looked around.  
  
“He's over with his son and daughter-in-law.” Tad pointed to where McGucket was reading something during the wait. “He's really cleaned himself up. His beard isn't as long, and he looks less 'town kook

and more 'gentle grandfather'.”  
  
“There's Dan.” Ford noticed. “I wonder if he remembers me?”  
  
“Probably, after eating the cupcake. He might not fully recall your name, though. Did he ever call you by name?” Bill asked.  
  
“No, I was just 'Professor Pines'.” Ford chuckled, thinking of when he last saw the man. “He's gotten a lot bigger than when I last saw him.”  
  
“Well, it's been thirty years. He must've been a kid.” Bill shrugged.  
  
“Hi, Soos!” Dipper waved as Soos entered with his grandmother.  
  
“Hey, little dude!” Soos waved back. “Wow, this place is really filling up! Talk to you after, okay?”  
  
“Yep!” Dipper gave a thumbs-up and settled down in his seat.  
  
“Everyone, settle down.” Preston said, coming in with his family. “As the descendants of the town Founder, Nathaniel Northwest, it is our pleasure to start the proceedings.”  
  
“I wonder how Mr. Trembly is?” Dipper asked quietly.  
  
“Probably doing okay.” Bill whispered back, watching the front.  
  
Pacifica sat down next to her mother, but her gaze wasn't on her father as he spoke. Her mother didn't notice they'd sat next to the Chiu family and Candy quietly asked her parents if she could swap places with them to sit next to her.  
  
Preston finished his prepared speech, in which he threw in some pleasant words about Sheriff Blubs, and then stepped down to let Sheriff Blubs walk up to the podium. Sheriff Blubs pulled out a dusty old scroll. “Thank you, Mr. Northwest. Now, we're here to choose a mayor for the first time in almost a century.” He opened the scroll, a bat flying out of it. “According to the town charter, a worth candidate is defined as anyone that can cast a shadow, count to ten, and throw their hat into the provided ring.” He gestured to the wicket wing Deputy Durland was setting down.  
  
“Sounds like Quinten Trembly's handiwork alright.” Bill said to Dipper, who giggled.  
  
“Wait, who?” Ford asked.  
  
“We'll explain later.” Bill waved it off.  
  
A familiar-looking straw hat was thrown into the ring before it even finished touching the floor.. Stan recognized the hat and frowned. “Oh, heck no.” He'd seen the kind of person Bud Gleeful REALLY was, and to have him as Mayor? Heck no.  
  
“Now, folks, I can see some quirked eyebrows.” Bud got up and walked over to the podium, which Blubs set aside to let him speak. “But you all know that my family has been in this town for many years, and you know I'm a charming guy who gets things done. Therefore, I would formally like to announce my candidacy as Mayor of Gravity Falls!”  
  
“You're not the only one.” Stan got up and took off his fez, tossing it into the ring and getting up on the podium next to him. “Now, folks, I may not have generations of family here, but you all know that when something important needs to be done, I take care of it and I care about people. And I want to make sure this town is in good hands from now, so I'm announcing my candidacy as Mayor of Gravity Falls!”  
  
“Oh no...” Gideon groaned in his seat.  
  
“Oh boy.” Mabel cringed.  
  
“Well, I suppose this means we're having an election!” Preston said, clapping his hands. “This will be quite the event!”  
  
“Election! Election! Election!” The townspeople all cheered.  
  
“Wait, but...won't this make things awkward at work?” Dipper looked at Bill. “Bill?”  
  
Bill stood up and walked over to Stan. “You're charming, Stan, but you're going to need a campaign manager. Mind if I volunteer?”  
  
Stan grinned. “Of course! Come aboard, partner!” He extended a hand to Bill to pull him up onto the stage with him.  
  
Ford frowned and stood up, walking over to Bud. “How would you like help ensuring my brother doesn't win? I'd like to be your campaign manager.” He said, extending a hand to him.  
  
“Well, sure! I could use all the help I can get!” Bud grinned and took his hand.  
  
“Lee, seriously?” Stan frowned.  
  
“Yes, Stan. You and I both know that leadership roles aren't for you.” Ford said firmly.  
  
“Oh please. He's been leading a business for years, leadership suits him perfectly!” Bill rolled his eye.  
  
“Being mayor is different from running a business, Stan.” Ford retorted. “And Bud has his own business, too. What makes him any less qualified than you?”  
  
“Why are you so opposed to me being mayor?” Stan asked.  
  
“I just know you won't be a good one.” Ford said firmly.  
  
“Ohhh, things just got real personal.” Sheriff Blubs remarked while Stan glared at Ford. “Well, you two are gonna need these.” He handed Bill and Ford packets. “They have all the information you'll need for the campaign process. Good luck to both of you.”  
  
“Let's go home.” Stan walked over and picked up his hat, heading outside. Bill followed him, likely to try and calm down his friend's shaking fists, as everyone else got up from their seats.  
  
“So...your place or mine?” Bud asked Ford.  
  
“Probably yours, we don't want Bill listening in.” Ford said firmly.  
  
“So, THAT'S what this is about.” Gideon said venomously.  
  
Ford jolted and turned around to see Tad, Gideon, Mabel and Dipper had gathered behind him. “What?”  
  
“It's not about not wanting Stan to be mayor at all, is it? You just want to oppose Bill!” Mabel said accusingly.  
  
“Don't be ridiculous. Stan couldn't manage student council, how could he possibly be a good mayor? Trust me, this is for the best.” Ford walked out.  
  
“So, uh...no words of congratulations?” Bud asked Gideon, holding out his arms for a hug.  
  
“Congratulations, I have a whopping headache and it's because of four people, guess who.” Gideon brushed past his extended arm and went to join his mother at the door.  
  
“Ohh...” Bud rubbed his head and then went to retrieve his hat.  
  
Tad sighed and looked at Mabel and Dipper. “How about some ice-cream?”  
  
“Not bread?” Mabel asked teasingly.  
  
“Gideon, how about some ice-cream?” Tad asked him.  
  
“Can my mother come?” Gideon asked.  
  
“Of course.” Tad nodded.  
  
“Then, yes.” Gideon nodded.  
  
“Great. Let's go distract ourselves.” Tad led the kids and Agatha out.  
  
Bud watched them go and then went to go join Ford. “Why DO you want to help me? You don't even know me.”  
  
“Because I know Stan and I know Bill and I don't want either of them anywhere near a position of power.” Ford said firmly.  
  
“Ah.” Bud nodded. “Sounds good to me! Welcome to the team!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gideon's not happy with ANY of them.


	124. Priorities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Stan and Bill focus on politics, Gideon focus on the impending crisis with Tad, Mabel and Dipper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“So, tell me about Pyronica.” Gideon said after they'd all gotten their ice-cream.  
  
“That's a bit of a sudden question.” Tad commented, glancing around. “And in a somewhat public place.”  
  
“No one's listening.” Gideon assured him. “They're all talking about the election. I want to focus on something a bit more, you know, dire.”  
  
“Okay, okay.” Tad nodded. “Well, let's see...Pyronica is...I'm trying to think of how to describe her. She's...charismatic. She's been a criminal since long before Bill and I left Flatland, and she loves violence and fire. Chaos is her game, and I think her oldest partners are Pacifier and Keyhole.”  
  
“Who are they?” Dipper asked, looking up from his ice-cream.  
  
“Criminals, just like her. Violent ones. You can tell them on sight, generally.” Tad said, reaching in his pocket for a pen and grabbing a napkin. “Here, let me...attempt to draw them. I can't promise it'll look good.”  
  
“Hehe, stick figures.” Dipper giggled.  
  
“Well, you're certainly no police artist. What DO you do out there?” Gideon asked.  
  
“I'm a special agent. Above Time Cop but below Time Baby and not exactly in his employ but I help him out. Especially when it comes to Bill Cipher.” Tad explained. “You'll know them on sight, anyway.” He crumbled up the napkin and shoved it to the side.  
  
“If you describe them, I can draw them.” Mabel offered.  
  
“I don't...know _how_ to describe them.” Tad admitted.  
  
“How did Bill get involved with them?” Gideon asked.  
  
“Gideon, your ice-cream is melting.” Agatha said gently.  
  
“Oh, right.” He went back to his ice-cream.  
  
Tad sighed. “Prison. They met in prison.”  
  
“I think Bill mentioned that.” Dipper commented.  
  
They heard a couple tables arguing over the election and Gideon hung his head. Tad reached over and gently patted his shoulder. “It's alright, Gideon. Let's just finish our ice-cream and then go somewhere else.”  
  
Gideon nodded, sighing.  
  
“Mrs. Gleeful, what do you think of this whole thing?” Tad asked her.  
  
“I think Bud is not a fit man to be mayor. I don't really know Mr. Pines much, but I know Bud is a swindler and a criminal.” Agatha said firmly.  
  
“Wow, strong words.” Tad nodded. “But, I think he deserves them.”  
  
Agatha sighed. “He can't honestly expect me to stand by him after all he's put me through.”  
  
“Are you going to tell people?” Gideon asked.  
  
“No. It's none of their business. And I think we'll leave out his connection to that _cult_ as well.” Agatha said firmly. “After all, he wasn't the only one.”  
  
“No...he wasn't.” Gideon said quietly, glancing over at McGucket sitting nearby with his family.  
  
–  
  
“Okay, everyone, thanks for helping out.” Bill said as Wendy, Soos, Candy, and Grenda looked up from the campaign signs and buttons they were making. “Wish Shooting Star and Pine Tree were here too, but I can understand why Shooting Star would be reluctant. Anyways, here's what was in that packet.” Bill unrolled an old parchment. “Wow, this thing is dusty. Okay, Gravity Falls elections are based on two events. The Wednesday Stump Speech, which takes place at an actual particular stump, and then the Friday Debate, where the townsfolk throw birdseed at the candidate they like most. I dunno, Quinten Trembly came up with this nonsense, but we gotta do it.”  
  
The others chuckled and giggled in response and Bill went on. “At the end of the debate, they will release a Freedom Eagle, who will fly to the candidate covered in the most birdseed and bestow a Birdly Kiss upon him, anointing him mayor. Again, weird, but that's Quinten for ya.”  
  
“Sounds easy enough.” Stan shrugged.  
  
“So, our biggest concern is getting the townsfolk to decide to like you more than Bud.” Bill rolled up the parchment. “Let's start with getting out in the town, helping people, maybe having a sale at the Shack. Or just discounts if you pick up a campaign button. Stan, people are going to be calling you to interview you about the election. Be smart, use your head, don't say or do anything stupid.”  
  
“Like what?” Stan asked, grinning.   
  
“Oh, I dunno, maybe making lock-picking a mandatory skill to learn in school?” Bill shrugged.  
  
“Hey, lock-picking skills can be the difference between life and death. You ask me, everyone should know how to pick a lock.” Stan said firmly. “I wouldn't make it _mandatory_ , but I'd happily teach a class!”  
  
“Okay, I guess if you want to sell it that way they might not see it as a bad thing. Maybe talk about times people have been locked out of their house and lock-picking might've helped or something. Anyways, it was just an example.” Bill waved it off. “Naturally, your phone number is made public for people to contact you.”  
  
“Hey, am I interrupting?” Pacifica came in. “Sorry, the door was unlocked and no one was answering it. I thought I'd bring the family photographer to help you make campaign posters.”  
  
“Is your dad endorsing him?” Bill asked.  
  
“My dad is against Bud Gleeful being mayor, that's for sure. Yes, he's endorsing him. He's also offered his assistance if you need any, and plans to speak up on Bud Gleeful's unsavory methods. Uh, not about the cult, just things like sneaking in, stealing away his sister, stuff like that.”  
  
“Let's try not to involve Gideon, okay?” Bill said firmly. “He's got enough stress right now.”  
  
“I told him not to talk about exploiting his son for profit.” Pacifica assured him. “He's going to have you look over the speech before he says it.”  
  
“He trusts my judgment?” Bill asked.  
  
“...Did you not see that tapestry? He worships you.” Pacifica sighed heavily.  
  
“Oh, what a burden on you.” Bill said teasingly.  
  
“Anyways, pictures.” Pacifica nodded firmly. “Let's get you started.”  
  
Stan stood up. “Well, any help is great! Thanks, Pacifica.”  
  
Pacifica nodded. “My photographer wants to do this in the lounge, in front of your fireplace. Is that okay?”   
  
“That's fine.” Stan nodded, following her out of the room.  
  
Bill sighed happily and turned to the others. “While they do that, let's get back to planning!”  
  
–  
  
“What do you think it'll be?” Mabel asked Agatha as they walked to Tad's house. “And is all this walking good for the baby?”  
  
“Yes, walking is fine.” Agatha chuckled a bit. “Mm, I'm hoping for a girl, honestly.”  
  
“We don't have an extra room, will we have to move?” Gideon asked. “I could put up a divider in my room, if you need me to.”  
  
“Not until the baby needs its own room.” Agatha shook her head. “And Preston has already suggested we move into the manor. He suggested it as soon as he found out.” She looked to the side. “I...haven't talked to your father about it yet.”  
  
“I can't imagine that this whole election thing is going to make your brother like your husband any more. He'll possibly like him even less.” Tad commented as he walked up to his door and opened it. “Come on in and sit down. I imagine both your places will be busy for a while. Mabel, I have drawing paper in here if you want me to try to describe them.”  
  
“Thank you.” Agatha walked over and took a seat on the couch. “Do you always have the curtains drawn here?”  
  
“Oh, I can open them if you want.” Tad said, walking over to open one. “I just like...being myself at home, and people might freak out if they saw the real me. I mean, they seem to like Bill well enough, but...blue skin stands out quite a bit more. Plus, I've been posing as a human for years.”  
  
“I'm still adjusting to the idea that you're an alien.” Agatha admitted.  
  
“Mother, do you want some water?” Gideon asked.  
  
“Yes, dear, that sounds nice.” Agatha nodded. “You don't need to dote over me yet, you know. I can get my own water.” She chuckled as Gideon went to get it anyway.  
  
“Ah, let him dote. It's a good distraction from impending doom.” Tad said jovially. “Bread?”  
  
“Yes, please.” Agatha nodded, taking the offered drink from Gideon when he returned with it. “Thank you, Gideon.”  
  
“You know, maybe we should just hold off on this election.” Mabel said, sighing. “I mean, shouldn't we be focused on making sure we have emergency supplies?”  
  
“People need a leader, someone to turn to.” Tad said matter-of-factly.  
  
“So, why are we wasting time with this election? The apocalypse could start at any moment!” Dipper said, walking over to Tad. “What about that rift you mentioned to Bill?”  
  
“Stanf--ley said he hasn't found anything.” Tad shrugged.  
  
“And you believe him?” Dipper asked. “What if he lied to Bill?”  
  
Tad paused to consider that thought. “...That...could be. I'd have to check for myself. And with Ford out at the Gleeful residence, and Bill distracted, now is the perfect time to go into the basement and check!” He grinned and knelt down to rub Dipper's head. “Well, aren't you a smart boy?”  
  
Dipper giggled.  
  
“Gideon, are you in?” Tad looked at Gideon.  
  
“Mother?” Gideon looked at her.  
  
“Go on and prevent the apocalypse, dear. I'm only a few weeks in.” Agatha said, chuckling a bit. “I won't need so much help for a little while yet.”  
  
“Okay.” Gideon smiled. “Do you want us to take you home?”  
  
“I think I'll spend some long-overdue time with my sister-in-law. Now that I'm no longer under Bud's control.” Agatha stood up. “But, I wouldn't mind a ride. Perhaps your ring?”  
  
“Sure, we can go through the...wait.” Gideon looked at Dipper. “It's a sub-dimension. I don't know if we can take you in there without Bill.”  
  
“He left Propabilitor's realm before Bill did. I think they'll be alright.” Tad assured him.  
  
“You think so?” Gideon frowned.  
  
“Bill has grown much stronger since the portal opened, and it's our biggest evidence that there's a rift.” Tad explained.  
  
“Don't you want to meet the dragon?” Mabel asked Dipper.  
  
“Not without Bill. He wanted to meet her, too!” Dipper shook his head. “Next time, okay?”  
  
“Let's just take my car.” Tad shrugged. “I don't usually use it, but it makes sense with a group.” He walked outside.  
  
“He's so gentle.” Agatha smiled, watching him go. “Is he really the same as Bill Cipher? He's much more polite.”  
  
“Bill's crass, but he's a nice guy.” Mabel shrugged.  
  
“Which is more than we can say for his cousin.” Gideon frowned.  
  
Dipper gasped. “We can ask Kryptos!”  
  
“Ask him what?” Mabel looked at him.  
  
“About Pyronica!” Dipper said excitedly.  
  
“Oh yeah, we could do that. He came to Gravity Falls after Bill did, so he'd know what changes happened since Bill was trapped here!” Mabel nodded. “Maybe we can get some warning of what's to come!”  
  
“If Tad beats it out of him.” Gideon remarked.  
  
–  
  
“Are you sure you want to talk to Kryptos?” Tad asked as Gideon saw his mother to the Northwest's door.  
  
“Yes.” Mabel nodded.  
  
“Very well.” Tad sighed. “I will call him down. Let's go to the playhouse.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Off to see a creep.


	125. About Pyronica

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To find out about their incoming does, you must ask one of them. Tad takes the little group to go talk to Kryptos.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

They pulled up to the playhouse and Tad parked the car with a heavy sigh.  
  
“...I have a question.” Dipper asked seriously.  
  
“Yes?” Tad looked at him.  
  
“How did you get a license?” Dipper asked just as seriously. Well, as serious as a seven-year-old could sound.  
  
“Documents provided by Time Baby. As far as this world knows, I was born and raised in this town, and people's memories have been altered to further assist my undercover mission.” Tad said with a smile.  
  
“Woooooow. Big perks.” Dipper nodded slowly. “Okay, let's go talk to Kryptos!”  
  
Tad chuckled and opened the door. “Yes, let's go talk to Kryptos.”  
  
–  
  
“This place is spooky now that I know there's a psycho living in the rafters.” Mabel said, frowning.  
  
“We knew that before, though.” Gideon reminded her.  
  
“Okay, it's spooky without all the cool props and lights.” Mabel clarified.  
  
“Kryptos!” Tad called out, changing into his demonic appearance. “Come out and talk to us, cousin.”  
  
“Why should I?” They heard from above.  
  
“We want to talk to you about Pyronica.” Gideon said, looking around for the demon.  
  
“Pyronica? You want to talk about the beautiful 'Ronica?” They heard, and then a glowing blue figure jumped from the rafters and onto the stage. “Well, now why didn't you just say that in the first place? I'm guessing from the fact you even KNOW about her that the portal has been opened?”  
  
“Only briefly, but Stanford has returned.” Tad informed him.  
  
“Really now? He was back in the Nightmare Realm? I suppose that means he finally caught the attention of the criminal world. By the time I was summoned, he was still safely out of the Nightmare Realm.” Kryptos hummed, leaning against the back of the stage. “But, if he's here, then he likely closed the portal again. Therefore, you shouldn't have any reason to talk to me. Unless...” Kryptos gasped. “There's a _rift_.”  
  
“That's the assumption.” Tad replied. “Bill is stronger now.”  
  
“Is he? Well, you better make sure it stays shut, or this town is going bye-bye.” Kryptos did a playful little wave with his fingers.  
  
“Just tell us about Pyronica..” Gideon said irritably.  
  
“Wow, someone's being pessimistic. What's the matter, little psychic?” Kryptos walked over to the center of the stage. “You seem kind of scared.”  
  
“If you must know, I had a vision and I'm pretty sure she was in it, now TELL us about her.” Gideon snapped.  
  
“That's no way to ask. But, whatever.” Kryptos hopped up and landed on the rafters, his voice coming from above them as he walked on the wooden planks. “Pyronica is a beautiful beast of chaos. She spreads fire and pain with every move, ever followed closely by her cohorts Pacifier and Keyhole.”  
  
“We know THAT much.” Gideon huffed.  
  
Kryptos hung from the rafters, his legs hooked around the wood. “As far as I know or care, she has no weaknesses. Well, maybe one. But that'll be gone once she realizes he's a lying, betraying piece of shit.” He grinned. “Pacifier is violent, and I think he does BDSM but I've never had the displeasure of being one of his unfortunate bed-partners.”  
  
“Soooooo didn't need to know that.” Tad groaned.  
  
“What's Bee Dee Es Em?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Don't ask.” Tad shook his head.  
  
“His only source of pleasure is causing something pain, otherwise he's a sourpuss.” Kryptos shrugged. “He was Pyronica's number-one man before she picked up Bill in prison and decided to dote on him like a lost puppy. He's actually _really pissed_ about it.”  
  
“And what about Keyhole?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Keyhole? He's...honestly, you don't want to get on his bad side. Those that do, he sucks them up into his keyhole portal and traps them in a nightmareish sub-dimension. And only he can pull them out. I pissed him off once. ONCE. He kept me in that hell for decades and I never pissed him off again.”  
  
“Anyone else we should worry about?” Tad asked.  
  
“You know, the _only_ reason I'm telling you all this is because they're going to kill you.” Kryptos let go of the wooden beam and landed on the stage again. “Pyronica has gotten loads more in her army since Bill took his 30-year stone nap. Criminals that Time Baby threw in there and wouldn't let leave. You're all gonna die and even Bill won't be able to save you. Best bet? Swear fealty to her and she might spare you.”  
  
“Thank you for the very unhelpful and unsolicited advice.” Tad said, frowning.  
  
“You thought Bill was bad? You never faced Pyronica. You focused entirely on Bill and no one else, you with your little grudge. He may be all-powerful and all-knowing, but Pyronica has been doing this stuff for way longer. You know why Time Baby was so pissed at Bill for letting them out? Because his Time Cops had been trying for eons to put them behind bars, and then the little shit went and FREED the most dangerous criminals in the ENTIRE MULTIVERSE!” Kryptos laughed maniacally.  
  
“Okay, fan-boy, chill the evil laughter.” Mabel said, crossing her arms over her chest.  
  
“Oh, don't worry. I'll put in a good word for you, little 'princess bride'.” Kryptos grinned. “You'll be spared the agony of burning with the rest of this miserable town by being my slave!”  
  
“Don't you touch her!” Gideon held Mabel protectively.  
  
“Gideon, I can stand up for myself.” She said tensely, glaring at Kryptos. “You can't enslave me. I'll make you choke on your own chain, you sicko.”  
  
“We'll see about that.” Kryptos hummed.  
  
“Let's get out of here.” Tad said, changing back to his human disguise. “We're done with him.” He ushered everyone out.  
  
“Hey, psychic kid.” Kryptos called. “How far out are your visions?”  
  
“Like I'll tell you?” Gideon hissed.  
  
“I'm just saying, you seem kind of in a panic...so, it's gotta be happening soon! Oh, I can't wait until she's here!” Kryptos started to sing a little ditty and dance around the stage.  
  
“Talking about enslaving me? Gross!” Mabel cringed as they stepped out of the building.  
  
“Well...some aliens keep humans as slaves.” Tad said, frowning.  
  
“Bill told us that. That when people are abducted, they go to a slave auction in the multiverse black market.” Dipper said, frowning. “Like what almost happened to you, Mabel.”  
  
“What? When did this happen?!” Gideon looked at her in concern.  
  
“It was years ago. I narrowly avoided being kidnapped by a vanishing house, but others weren't so lucky. I had to fight to escape it.” Mabel shivered. “Bill said that it's likely the house was actually a spaceship full of slave traders.”  
  
“Good thing you fight well.” Tad said, opening the driver's door and unlocking the rest of the car with the switch. “I'd hate to think of you ever in that situation.”  
  
“I'll never let him touch you.” Gideon promised her.  
  
“Well, now. What do you say to looking for that pesky little rift?” Tad asked cheerfully. “To the Shack!”  
  
–  
  
“Ladies and gentlemen of this fair city...uh...no, that doesn't sound like me. Hey, folks! Too casual?” Stan looked at Bill. “You said you'd help me write the speech.”  
  
“If I wrote it all for you, it would be ME giving the speech, not you. I gave you bullet-points to work from.” Bill replied. “Come on, Stan. Just greet them like you're Mr. Mystery. You're selling yourself, you're great at this.”  
  
Stan sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “...You really think I could be mayor? I really just wanted to stop Bud...”  
  
“Well, I think you could do it. The fact you stood up to stop him is a good sign of leadership.” Bill said, smiling.  
  
The back door opened and Ford came in, stopping short when he saw them all in the living room. “...Am I interrupting?” He asked coolly.  
  
“Done with Bud?” Stan asked.  
  
“I need to pick something up from my lab.” Ford walked to the gift shop.  
  
“You know, that guy used to take enjoyment in zapping people.” Bill told him.  
  
“And _you_ used to take enjoyment _killing_ people.” Ford hissed, looking in at him.  
  
“Actually, I didn't. I took enjoyment in revenge. And I'M not the one running for mayor.” Bill retorted.  
  
Ford scowled and walked away again.  
  
“Okay, so...uhm...speech. Let's try again from the top. Maybe I can give you some pointers.” Pacifica said, trying to ease the tension in the air.  
  
–  
  
Ford grumbled to himself as he went down the elevator. “Stupid Stan...trusting Bill Cipher of all people. 'They already know all my secrets, blahblahblah'.” He said the last sentence in a mocking way and waved it off aggressively. “As if he would tell them all of the horrors he's committed.”  
  
The elevator opened and he stepped out, stopping short when he saw the group in the basement. “What's going on here?”  
  
“Oh, hello Stanford.” Tad greeted. “Don't mind us, we're just trying to find the rift and avoid the apocalypse. You and Bill can continue with your petty games.”  
  
“I don't see anything. What does it look like again?” Mabel asked, coming out from behind the portal.  
  
“It would look like a slowly shifting blob of universe.” Tad explained. “Stanford, have you see anything like that?”  
  
Ford frowned. He's usually think he could trust Tad Strange, but if he was on Bill's side... “No, I haven't. Have you seen a red, white and blue striped tie with a button on it?”  
  
Gideon looked up from Journal 1 and gave him a hard stare. Ford swallowed nervously, wondering if the boy could see into his intentions. But he had the stone on, so that couldn't be possible! Right? Didn't it stop that? He hadn't really been able to study it much before he went to the multiverse.  
  
“The last time I saw something like that, the goat was wearing it.” Gideon said with a level tone.  
  
“The goat?!” Ford gaped.  
  
“Oh, yeah! I found it down here before and thought it was SOOOOOO cute!” Mabel said, giggling.  
  
“You...the goat...my invention? Where is it now?” Ford asked.  
  
“I don't know, the Bottomless Pit?” Gideon closed the book and looked around the desk.  
  
“But, I need it!” Ford insisted.  
  
“I could ask the gnomes.” Gideon shrugged.  
  
“Why is it so important?” Dipper asked from behind Ford.  
  
Ford flinched and turned around. When had the child gone behind him?! “I just need it. It's to help with the election.”  
  
“What's it do?” Dipper asked innocently.  
  
“You know what, it doesn't matter. Uhm, Gideon, was it? Can I see Journal 2?” Ford looked at him.  
  
Gideon slowly sat up and looked at him, raising an eyebrow before his eyes glowed for a moment. “No amount of mind-control will make my father a competent leader. And we have more important things to worry about than the election anyway. We need to make sure there's still a town TO lead, so how about you stop dodging the subject and help us find that rift?”  
  
“Did you just read my mind? You know, it's very rude to do that.” Ford frowned.  
  
“Only the surface thoughts. I can't go any deeper.” Gideon shrugged. “And you were acting suspicious. If you don't think my father would be a good leader, don't help him get into the position. You won't be around to control him all the time.”  
  
Ford chuckled a bit. “No, I think he might be able to--”  
  
“Stop lying.” Gideon stood up and glared at him. “We have more important things to worry about than your pathetic pissing contest with Bill. At least Bill genuinely wants to help Stan, you're just being a jerk. If you have so much free time, _help us find the rift_.”  
  
Ford tensed up and walked to the elevator. “I have to get back to your father. Why aren't you standing by him, you're his son!”  
  
“And so I know more than _anyone_ that he's not a good person.” Gideon said bitterly. “Underneath that cheerful exterior is a jerk that kidnaps a rich girl and wipes her memories to make her marry him and then continues to wipe her memories every time she started to realize that she doesn't actually love him and, by the way, he _drove her to insanity_!”   
  
Ford walked over to the elevator button. “Maybe he's changed. Maybe he drove himself to insanity before that point with that infernal machine. Cosmos knows that Fiddleford did!” He pushed it and the doors opened, letting him in.  
  
“Sure. Spend the night with him and see how good a person he is. My mother is staying at the Northwest Manor and I'm staying with Tad, so it'll just be the two of you tonight.” Gideon said sardonically. “Have fun with that.”  
  
Ford stepped in and the gate closed. As it started to move up he heard Tad say “Wait, when did we agree you were staying the night? I mean, I don't mind, and that was very dramatic, but you forgot to ask me?”.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tad isn't so sure he agrees with Gideon's sudden plan-making.


	126. Speech

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Wednesday, and Stan has to make a speech better than Bud's!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Here we go...the Wednesday Stump Speech.” Bill said, holding a closed folder. “We've gone over the speech several times, but I've got it written down for you just in case. Remember, you're selling yourself. Smile, read your speech, and convince those folks that you're a leader worth having.”  
  
“Am I really, though? I'm doing this for selfish reasons.” Stan frowned.  
  
“Think of it this way,” Preston walked over and adjusted Stan's bowtie for him. “if Bud was so eager to use the Memory Gun and manipulate his wife to the point of insanity, what kind of leader would he be? Can we trust him not to lead this city to its downfall? Or to hand us over to the first powerful enemy for his own personal gain?”  
  
Stan nodded. “That's true.”  
  
“We'll save that talk for the debate. This speech is just about selling you and your qualities. You're a great boss, you always make time for those who need it, and you're a wonderful person.” Bill handed the folder over. “Let's get selling.”  
  
Stan grinned and nodded. “Here goes.”  
  
–  
  
“Look, Stan's on TV!” Dipper pointed to it, distracting Mabel and Gideon from a knitting project they were doing together. Tad was sitting with them, learning how to knit.  
  
“It's time for the speech, huh?” Tad lowered his knitting as the other two did the same.  
  
“Bud's is next. Do you want to watch it?” Mabel asked Gideon as Stan started to speak.  
  
Gideon pursed his lips. “...Part of me wants to say 'no', but I have a strange sadistic interest in how your uncle could possibly make my father look like a good leader.”  
  
“Good morning, everyone! In case you didn't know, I'm Stanford Pines, Mr. Mystery! Lovely weather we got today, eh? Just look at that sky!” Stan gestured to the blue sky above him. “I bet the lizards are loving this! Heck, I might go for a dip later! Who's with me?”  
  
The crowd laughed a bit and then Stan went on. “Alright, alright, small-talk aside we all know that we're not here to talk about the weather. I'm just gonna take this moment to thank everyone for coming; this is a bigger crowd than I thought I would get, to be honest.”  
  
“Don't be so modest, you always get a big crowd!” They heard Susan say from somewhere by the camera.  
  
“Hah, got me there!” Stan did a finger-gun in her direction and grinned. “So, let's talk politics. With the mayor gone after over 100 years of leading, a lot of us are running around like chickens with our heads cut off unsure of what to do. At times like this, we need a strong leader that gets things done and still makes ya laugh when things get tense! I like to think that I can do that.”  
  
“Well, you can at least make us laugh.” Someone said, and the crowd laughed a bit.  
  
“Good to hear!” Stan laughed. “But, really, the strong leader part is what I was talking about. I may not be perfect, I've made my mistakes, but I've learned from those mistakes and grown to be a person that you all can trust to come up with your laws! I'm going to pause here for questions.” Stan gestured to the crowd.  
  
“Mr. Pines, are you going to change many of our laws?” Someone asked.  
  
“Well, I don't think we need to change any of them. I can see you're concerned about your woodpecker wife, so I'm gonna assure you that I won't be doing anything to come between your marriage.” Stan grinned.  
  
“Oh, thank god.” The man replied.  
  
“Anyone else?” Stan asked.  
  
“Mr. Pines, what do you think should be done about the education in this town? Now that we all have clear heads, we've realized that our education level is leagues behind other towns.” Someone asked.  
  
“That's a good question, thanks for asking it.” Stan looked at them. “Education is really important to me, so I'm going to take steps to ensure our curriculum is up-to-date and we might even look into building a college so people don't have to take off miles away just to further their education! They can just do it right here in Gravity Falls!”  
  
The crowd “ohhh”d and “ahhh”d at that, clapping.  
  
“He's doing well so far.” Tad commented.  
  
“I think he's gonna do it!” Dipper said excitedly.  
  
“Let's not get excited yet. There's still my father's speech and then the debate on Friday.” Gideon warned him.  
  
“Mr. Pines, there have been concerns about a coming apocalypse. How would you handle that situation?” Someone asked.  
  
“Uh oh.” Mabel frowned.  
  
“Yeah, that is a big concern.” Stan looked over at Bill and then back to the crowd. “First of all, to prepare for it we have to make sure we're stocked up on emergency supplies and to buy gold because chances are that in the event of an apocalypse our money will be worthless. Then we need an evacuation plan. Several, in fact. We'll also want to be stocked up on weapons, because we'll need to protect ourselves. I plan to set up people ahead of time to ensure everything is ready, and that everyone has what they need. On the off-chance that we can't leave town, there's an underground bunker in the woods not too far from the Mystery Shack that people can hide in. I've heard it's very spacious.” He replied. “We will make sure that it is ready for people to stay in before the need arises. If that happens, I want everyone to gather at the Mystery Shack and we'll take you to safety. Those that can fight well will be sentries and protect you while you are going in.”  
  
There was a murmur in the crowd and then the person spoke again. “That's a good strategy. Thank you, Mr. Pines.”  
  
“Any other questions?” Stan asked.  
  
A few more people asked about different things that Stan answered and then a man came on to say that Stan had reached his time limit. Stan nodded and spoke to the crowd one last time.  
  
“Looks like I'm out of time, but if you have any more questions you know where to find me. I'll be waiting for you at the Mystery Shack!” He waved and walked away from the stump to thunderous applause.  
  
A reporter came on the screen. “That was Stanford Pines at the Wednesday Stump Speech. In a half-hour, we will hear from his rival Bud Gleeful. Stay tuned!” She gave a cheeky smile. “I'm going to take this time to talk to our candidate a little more, off the script!” She walked over to where Stan, Bill and Preston were standing, the camera following. “Mr. Pines, would you share your thoughts on how successful you think your speech was?”  
  
“Well, I got people to clap, I got them to laugh, I got them to cheer. I think someone wiped a tear from their eye, but it could just be the sun I their eyes.” Stan laughed. “I think I did okay! Did I do okay?” He looked at Bill and Preston.  
  
“You did fine.” Bill assured him.  
  
“You've got my vote.” Preston assured him.  
  
“That's the word from our candidate! Let's take a break and we'll be back in 25 minutes for Bud Gleeful's Wednesday Stump Speech!”  
  
“Should we stick around?” Stan asked Preston in the background.  
  
“I don't see him here for yours, but it's up to you.” Preston replied.  
  
“I think it'll be good to watch.” Stan nodded. “Bill?”  
  
“I'll go get popcorn.” Bill grinned and then the camera shut off as a political intermission played displaying the two candidates on screen as an instrumental rendition of The Star-Spangled Banner played in the background.  
  
“So, what do you think?” Tad looked at Gideon.  
  
“I liked his strategy for dealing with the impending apocalypse.” Gideon sighed. “If only we could find that rift and prevent it...”  
  
“We're doing the best we can. Though, even if we DO find it, I don't know if we could seal it.” Tad admitted.  
  
“So, what do we do?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Maybe we could encase it. We can have Blendin get something that will do that.” Tad nodded firmly.  
  
“Speaking of which, why wasn't he at the speech with Bill?” Mabel asked.  
  
“I bet he was, he was just off-screen. Time Cops aren't supposed to be on camera. He's pushing it with the store cameras.” Tad explained.  
  
“Ohhh.” Mabel nodded.  
  
–  
  
“I'm a bit nervous.” Bud admitted as he drove to the Speech Stump with Ford. “What if I screw up? Stanford did so well at his speech...”  
  
“Just don't deviate from the speech I wrote for you and you'll be fine.” Ford said, frowning. “And try to answer those questions as best as you can. Don't rip off Stanl—ford, though, That'll lose you points.”  
  
“I don't know what I would do in the event of apocalypse. Well, besides run fer my life.” Bud sighed. “If Gideon hadn't had that vision, then this wouldn't even be a concern! And it was so much easier to con them when they were, well, messed in the head.”  
  
“Well, definitely don't say _that_.” Ford looked at him. “That'll get you kicked off the stump!”  
  
“I wish you could be on the stump with me.” Bud sighed.  
  
“Well, I can't. This speech is all you. How do you sell cars for a living if you can't sell yourself as well as Stan does?” Ford asked.  
  
“Why do you think I have Gideon use his powers in the Tent o' Telepathy?” Bud frowned. “It's hard to get people to buy my cars.”  
  
“We'll figure it out. Just read the speech, smile, and try not to make a fool of yourself. If only that goat hadn't taken off with my mind-control tie, I could do the speaking for you.” Ford said bitterly.  
  
“Yeah, if only.” Bud nodded.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stan did well, but what will Bud do?
> 
> ((A/N: Sorry for taking so long to update this time! I've actually been sick for the past week and on top of that the heat has made me into a melted mess and I haven't been able to write. On top of all this, my toddler has been very clingy and not helping the heat problem. Anyways, here's an update for ya! Hope you enjoyed it and I'll be posting the next one tomorrow or the day after, depending on weather. Thanks for sticking around!))


	127. An Explosive Solution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan's speech went great, how can Bud compete with that? He just needs to really make an impression!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

Bud parked next to Stan and got out with Ford. After giving collective deep deaths, they headed for their opponents. “Stanford, you're still here?” Bud greeted, extending a hand to him.  
  
Stan shrugged and shook his hand. “I figured I'd see how you do. May the best candidate win, eh?”  
  
“There's still the debate on Friday.” Ford reminded Bud. “Don't mess this up.”  
  
“Hey, Lee. How was the Gleeful residence?” Bill greeted. “Was nice having the room to myself last night.”  
  
Stan looked at Bill with a concerned look and Bill gave a quick shake of the head.  
  
“It was pleasant. Quiet.” Ford replied. “But, enough small talk.”  
  
“Preston, you're sticking around?” Bud asked him.  
  
“I'm waiting to watch you crash and burn.” Preston said venomously.  
  
“Preston, be civil.” Bill told him. To Ford's surprise, Preston didn't argue the matter. How much sway did Bill have over how many people?  
  
“Well, it's about time. I'm off to do my speech.” Bud walked off to the stump, Ford hanging back to watch from the side.  
  
“You know his son hates him, right?” Bill commented as Bud got out the speech and started to talk.  
  
“Why does that matter?” Ford asked. “He seems nice enough to me, and who _doesn't_ his son hate?”  
  
“Uh, everyone but you, his dad, and Rico.” Bill said, counting it off on his fingers. “He's actually a very loving and charming boy, if you haven't made him hate you. And you say Bud is a nice guy, but I bet if you had the ability to read minds you would think otherwise.” Bill tapped the side of his own head.  
  
“Be quiet, I'm trying to listen to him.” Ford hissed.  
  
“No need to be such a stubborn _**vishanka**_.” Bill said, rolling his eye.  
  
“ _I'm_ the **vishanka**? You're the most **vishanka** -like person I've met!” Ford hissed.  
  
“Be quiet, I'm trying to listen to him.” Bill retorted.  
  
“What's a 'veeshahnka'?” Preston asked Stan quietly.  
  
“I have no idea, they're speaking multiverse.” Stan whispered back.  
  
“It's similar to a donkey.” Bill explained quietly. “Though it's big as an elephant and has the tail of a monkey. Very stubborn, hard to move.”  
  
“Sounds fun.” Stan grinned.  
  
“Are they already at the questions?” Ford realized, looking over.  
  
“You ask me, the rest of our country is focusing on unnecessary things in schools. When are our kids actually going to be using calculus in the real world? And you know that a lot of schools have taken away home ec? I think our schools here are perfectly fine the way they are.” Bud was saying.  
  
“But, what about when people leave town?” A man asked. “Won't they be unprepared for the rest of the world?”  
  
“If they aren't prepared for the rest of the world, then they shouldn't be leavin'.” Bud said firmly. “You ask me, the rest of the world ain't prepared for us! I mean, the things we've seen? We live next-door to _monsters_! If our townsfolk can't handle the rest of the world after livin' near those, then something's wrong!”  
  
“I'm talking about going to college or getting jobs in a field that requires that knowledge.” The man explained.  
  
“Let me ask you something. If we're more focused on teachin' kids stuff they will probably never use in the real world and ignore things like home ec and doing their taxes and other important stuff, then how will they manage when they leave home?” Bud asked. “I been out there and some kids out there don't even know how to wash dishes properly! They're buying unhealthy ready-to-eat food instead of making proper healthy food with proper ingredients, all 'cause they never learned to cook! Some kids can't even boil water! Home ec used to be required, and now it's removed entirely! I say we bring 'em back!”  
  
“He's wasting time on this question.” Bill commented.  
  
“Hey, maybe if he fixates on this long enough he won't have to answer the apocalypse question.” Stan shrugged.  
  
“Okay, so that's your stance on education. Now, you mentioned monsters. Your son had a vision about a coming apocalypse, how would you handle that?” A woman asked.  
  
“Oh no.” Ford cringed.  
  
“Get everyone out of town or deep underground and then wipe out the problem with a bomb. We can rebuild as long as we're alive.” Bud said firmly. “What's important is making sure the problem is eradicated.”  
  
“A _bomb_?” Bill mouthed in disbelief as the crowd started to murmur.  
  
“It's a thought. Hard to find one that'll be big enough, though. Maybe we could build it.” Ford said, actually looking impressed by the idea. “It is a thought...”  
  
“A _bomb_ would do _nothing_ against Pyronica.” Bill said firmly, looking at Ford. “She would dance in the flames. They ALL would.”  
  
–  
  
Mabel looked towards Tad's bedroom, where Gideon had gone to after his father's suggested solution to an apocalypse. “...You know, the sad thing is that some people might actually _like_ his idea.”  
  
“Whatever works, they figure. He's right; as long as they're alive, they can rebuild. It's cowardly, but effective.” Tad sighed heavily. “But it's a clear sign of his character that his first thought was to bomb the place.”  
  
“I'm going to check on Gideon.” Dipper went over and knocked on the door. “Gideon?”  
  
“I'm alright, Dipper. I just...need a moment.” Gideon said from inside.  
  
“Do you need to scream? You can scream.” Dipper suggested.  
  
“I already did, thank you. Just, for him to suggest that...a _bomb_...he's a true American Man, for sure. Got an invasion problem? Drop a bomb!” Dipper heard something soft being punched.  
  
“Can I come in?” Dipper asked. “I want to hug you.”  
  
There was silence and then the doorknob glowed as it turned and let him inside. Gideon was curled up on the bed, his hair pulled loose around his face and the pillows and blanket mussed up.   
  
Dipper walked over and climbed on the bed, wrapping his arms around him. “It's okay, Gideon.”  
  
Gideon sighed and closed his eyes. “...I have to put a stop to this. This election is pointless. The attack could come any day and we're wasting time on arguing over who would be a competent leader.”  
  
“So, what are you going to do?” Dipper asked.  
  
“I need a few supplies...and then I'm going to the debate on Friday.” Gideon said firmly, opening his eyes with a glare to the wall.  
  
–  
  
“Well, that was an interesting speech!” The reporter said as Bud stepped off the stump. “It's certainly got people buzzing! Both candidates have every social media outlet blowing up with reactions to the speech! I think everyone is excited for the debate on Friday! This is Shandra Jeminez at the Wednesday Speech Stump. Back to you, John.”  
  
Bud walked over to Ford and shrugged. “How'd I do?”  
  
“I was worried for a bit, but I think you did okay.” Ford nodded.  
  
“Honestly, I think your bomb solution freaked people out.” Bill said flatly. “And you should ask your son how well he thinks a bomb will work. Oh wait, he's _avoiding_ you.”  
  
“Let's go.” Ford ushered Bud away.  


“Let _me_ tell you how well it would work. It wouldn't!” Bill called after them.  
  
“Don't believe him, he's trying to deter you because he's secretly on their side.” Ford said firmly as they got back to the car.  
  
“Is he really?” Bud asked. “I never got that impression.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even Ford was surprised by that one.
> 
> ((A/N: Sorry I took so long posting this up! I intended to get it up days ago but my computer updated and broke most of my keyboard so I had to wait until I could buy an external keyboard because, surprise, I needed a keyboard to log into my computer! So anyways, that's no longer a worry. Yay.))


	128. Debate Prep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While the candidates prepare for the big debate, Gideon's got his own plans for everyone being gathered into one place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Is this big enough?” Tad asked, coming over with a large sheet of poster paper.  
  
“Yes, thank you.” Gideon nodded. “If people aren't going to take the vision seriously, then I'll have to show them what kind of horrors to expect. Mabel, Tad, please help me draw this.”  
  
“What can I do?” Dipper asked.  
  
“You can help color.” Gideon told him.  
  
“Oo!” Dipper hopped up and down.  
  
“Is it really okay to do this here?” Mabel asked.  
  
“School's out for summer and no one's using the gym for events right now. We're fine.” Gideon assured her.  
  
They were in the gym of the high school, art supplies around them ready for use. The large sheet of paper was put down on the floor and taped in place and then they got to work. Their deadline was Friday, the debate, so they had to work fast. Time was ticking quickly.  
  
“Pine Tree?” Bill poked his head inside.  
  
“Bill!” Dipper walked over to him. “You can't peek, it's a surprise!”  
  
“I'm just looking for you.” Bill picked him up. “But now I'm curious.”  
  
“No, no! You have to wait! I'm going to distract Bill, okay?” Dipper called over.  
  
“That's fine, thank you.” Mabel replied.  
  
“Let's go play!” Dipper looked at Bill.  
  
“Okay, okay.” Bill chuckled. “Come on, you can help make buttons with us and then we'll play a game.”  
  
“Okay!” Dipper smiled.  
  
They walked away, closing the door behind them. Gideon sighed and used his powers to lock the door and ensure no one else came in on them.  
  
–  
  
The day of the debate, Stan was feeling nervous. All people have been talking about was the election, and for some strange reason Bud was somehow actually doing really well. What if he failed this? What if Bud became the guy in charge of everything? He was honestly afraid of what a guy with such low morals would do to this town.  
  
“Doing okay?” Bill asked, walking up to him. “Your hands are shaking.”  
  
“I can't let Bud win...” Stan said nervously. “I just can't. I wish the kids were here, but they're understandably avoiding the whole thing with Gideon, I guess...”  
  
“It's not like children can vote anyway, so they really couldn't make much difference.” Preston commented, walking over to him with some folded clothes. “I've had your best suit pressed and ironed. You have to look your very best if you're going to sway Bud's voters.”  
  
“Kind of hard to sway the 'bomb the apocalypse' crowd with awesome fashion but okay.” Stan took the clothes and went to go get dressed.  
  
“He's right. Most of Bud's voters agree with that sentiment. But I've said it once, I'll say it again: Bombs would do nothing but destroy the town.” Bill nodded firmly. “Pyronica and the others would laugh at human stupidity and dance in the flames.”  
  
“It does no good if you say it, since they'd see it as political propaganda.” Preston shook his head.  
  
“Yeah, which is why I haven't done it.” Bill sighed heavily. “It's a tough thing to beat for sure.”  
  
Stan came over to them. “Well? How do I look?”  
  
Preston reached over and smoothed out the fabric a bit before fixing his bowtie. “There. Now, where's your fez?” He went over to the hat-rack and paused, seeing two of them in the same color. “...You have two?”  
  
“Ah, no.” Stan walked over and took one of them off, showing it to him. “Mabel made this one for Lee. See? Six fingers.” He pointed to the symbol on the fez.  
  
“That guy doesn't recognize the good things he's got.” Bill said, shaking his head and putting Stan's fez on the man's head. “There. You're ready.”  
  
Stan put the other fez back on the hat-rack and nodded. “Let's head out, then.”  
  
–  
  
“Do you think I can win?” Bud asked as he served Ford up some eggs and bacon. “I mean, Stan's a pretty popular guy already.”  
  
“Well, we'll just have to see. The debate decides everything.” Ford said, sitting down to eat. It had been interesting living with Bud. With his wife and son both staying out of the way, Bud had been doing all the cooking – Ford had offered once but, after he tried to cook a large rat that resembled a beast he had eaten in the multiverse before, Bud had given him a pitying look and said “It must've been hard...” before saying he would take over cooking. Ford felt a bit dejected; at least he could've given him a chance to follow a recipe or two.  
  
Naturally, he didn't sleep well knowing Bill was alone. He slipped out at night to spy on Bill, but all he'd seen him do was toss and turn in his sleep crying out until Stan came in and woke him up, followed by him cradling the inter-dimensional creep _in his arms_. Then Stan had noticed him – or thought he noticed something – and gone over to close the curtains.  
  
Ford had left after that, he couldn't risk being seen spying on Bill. He'd found Bud awake when he got home, but the man had seemed at a loss of what to do with his night. What did he usually do? Ford assumed it was related to his wife. He had tried to get into Gideon's room by both door and window, but it seemed the boy had protected his room against invaders. Shame, he was anxious to know what the boy could be hiding in there.  
  
He'd asked Bud once and Bud had just laughed and said that Gideon was very particular about who entered his room and even his own father couldn't enter unless Gideon was already inside. In fact, it seemed no one could enter unless Gideon was inside, not even his mother. Though, based on the fact she had tried to KILL him before, Ford could understand that part.  
  
But, he could worry about that later. First of all, he had to make sure his brother did not win the debate. Somehow. It was candidates-only, so what could he do?  
  
“Lee? You should finish eatin', we gotta get going.” Bud said, snapping him out of his thoughts.  
  
“Right.” Ford nodded, digging into his food.  
  
Bud took his dishes to the sink and then went to go get dressed for the debate. Ford finished eating and then took his dishes to the sink, looking at the dirty dishes. Did he have time to clean them? He glanced at the clock – the debate was in an hour. Maybe they had time?  
  
Bud came out, dressed in an ill-fitting suit. “I don't of'en wear this.” He admitted.  
  
“Who's going to care? It's a political debate, not a fashion show.” Ford shrugged.  
  
Bud smiled. “Yer right!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dipper is an adorable distraction.


	129. Debate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for the debate to decide who is the worthier candidate to be mayor!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD
> 
> ("Enough talking! Time for some screaming.")

“Is everything in place?” Gideon asked quietly.  
  
“Yes.” Tad nodded. “Everyone will be here soon, let's take our positions.”  
  
Gideon nodded and floated off to the side.  
  
–  
  
“Everyone in town is here at the Friday Debate, ready to see how the candidates will face off! It's certainly been an exciting week for everyone!” Shandra Jimenez said as the seats filled up with people. “We're just going to have a quick chat with each of the candidates before we start. Let's start with Mr. Stanford Pines over here! Mr. Pines, a word for our viewers?”  
  
“Oh, sure!” Stan turned to the camera, cutting off his conversation with Bill and Preston. “What do you want to talk about?”  
  
“How confident do you feel that you'll win this debate?” Shandra asked.  
  
“Well, that's a million-dollar question.” Stan chuckled a bit. “Ah, I think I'll be okay, but it's gonna be a tough fight. I was kind of hoping he wouldn't get this far, but it looks like Bud is determined to go through until the end so I'm gonna do my best!”  
  
“Well, we'll see how you do at the end of this! Are you ready to be covered in bird-seed?” Shandra asked cheerfully.  
  
“I'm in my best suit for it.” Stan laughed.  
  
“Alright, thank for your time. Let's move on to the other candidate.” Shandra went over to where Bud was standing with Ford. “Mr. Gleeful, a word for our viewers?”  
  
“Who's actually still at home right now? Looks like everyone's here!” Bud laughed.  
  
“Well, your son isn't here.” Shandra pointed out.  
  
“Oh, yeah. Well, I'm sure he'll show up.” Bud shrugged. “So, you wanted to talk to me?”  
  
“I'm sure. How confident do you feel that you'll win this debate?” Shandra asked.  
  
“Well, I'm feeling _very_ confident, yessiree!” Bud beamed. “I think I have a pretty good chance here, and that this time tomorrow I'll be in the Mayor's Office!”  
  
“Wow, such confidence! Well, that's all we have time for now, it's time to start!” Shandra said, turning to the camera as Bud walked over to the stage, Stan walking to it in the background.  
  
–  


Ford walked over to Bill and Preston. “Do you think he's ready for this?”  
  
“Why don't you? You're his brother, you should be supporting him.” Bill said firmly.  
  
“Because I know that my brother can't win this kind of stuff.” Ford said firmly. “He's not leader material.”  
  
“And you think Bud is? Sixer, you really know nothing about this guy.” Bill looked at him.  
  
“I know he misses his wife and son, but they're avoiding him.” Ford frowned. “He can't sleep at night because they're gone.”  
  
“No, he can't sleep at night because he's used to going to the Society of the Blind Eye to zap people's minds every night.” Bill said tensely. “It has nothing to do with his family and more to do with the fact that he's been doing it so long he doesn't know what to do with himself anymore.”  
  
“Bill, shh.” Preston nudged him. “It's starting.”  
  
“Where _is_ Gideon, anyway?” Ford frowned.  
  
“I dunno, last I saw he was working on a big art project in the school gym.” Bill shrugged.  
  
“Sounds like something a child would do.” Ford looked towards the debate again.  
  
It was started to get pretty heated, Bud and Stan going at each other. Then, out of nowhere, a large sheet came down on top of both of them, covering the full length of the stage. On the sheet was a rather terrifying scene of Gravity Falls in flames with a few giant figures standing around laughing as people cowered in fear. The crowd gasped, screamed and murmured and then Gideon came down from above and landed on the stage, his eyes glowing.  
  
“Gideon?” Bud said, Stan and Ford coming out from behind the sheet and looking at it. “What is this?”  
  
“ _This_ is what is going to happen to our town no matter WHO wins this debate.” Gideon said firmly. “We should be focusing on preparing to protect ourselves and you guys are arguing about whether or not it's _ethical_ to use a bomb! Guess what? SHE. IS. _**FIRE**_!” He pointed at the pink giant woman in the picture. “A bomb would do nothing! They are standing in the flames like it is a sauna! We need to evacuate and we need to prepare to fight. Because they are coming, and nothing we can do will stop it. Every night I have the same vision, and it could be happening any day now. Let's stop arguing! We need a leader that will protect us and lead us, NOT someone that runs away!”  
  
“Are you taking his side?” Bud asked.  
  
“I don't care WHO leads, honestly. I'm tempted to suggest TAD, because he's the _only_ one who is actually helping me with finding out about these people! We've gone to talk to that guy in the playhouse, we've talked over methods, we've tried to find a rift in time-space that is somewhere in town, all while you have both been focused on this useless thing! Guess what? If we all die, it won't matter who wins this! You can do this after we've won but until then we need to focus on preparing for the damn apocalypse!” Gideon snapped, glaring at both candidates.  
  
Stan had the decency to look ashamed. Bud was gaping in shock. “Wait, where did you learn that kind of language?” Bud asked.  
  
“Seriously? That's what you're focusing on?” Gideon groaned. “Honestly, just...we have a very REAL threat to worry about. We don't need a mayor, we need a general. And you, father, are not a general.” He turned to the crowd. “It's time to make sure we're ready. Personally, I liked Stanford's suggestion for how to handle the apocalypse, so let's go with that. Now get out of here and start preparing!” He pointed to the exit.  
  
“In a stunning turn of events, Gideon Gleeful has come out of nowhere and interrupted the debate with shocking news that have jarred the townsfolk. It seems we're going to have to continue this when the danger has passed. This is Shandra Jemeniz at the canceled Friday Debate. I'm going to make a panic kit.” She walked away from the camera.  
  
The crowd dispersed to go and do the same and then Dipper and Mabel came out of hiding with Tad. “Grunkle Stan, Gideon's right.” Mabel said, walking over to him. “Let's go home and prepare. We haven't found the rift yet.”  
  
Ford stared in silence as Dipper went over to Bill to lead him away from the area. He knew exactly where the rift was, but he couldn't risk Bill knowing about it. No, that would surely jump-start the apocalypse! After all, Bill was probably laughing behind their backs as he made plans with his “friends” back in the Nightmare Realm.  
  
“It's a really good picture.” Bill commented as they walked back to the Shack. He paused and looked over his shoulder. “Oi, Lee! Election's done for now, get your butt back home.”  
  
“I'll see you after the apocalypse, then.” Ford told Bud.  
  
“Yep, see you then.” Bud shrugged. “Can't argue with Gideon and his visions, I really can't.”  
  
Ford nodded and walked after the group, pausing to look at the ominous picture before hurrying on.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gideon, you really need to stop signing Tad up for things he did not sign up for.


	130. Unicorn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that everyone is no longer thinking about politics, it's time to focus on the impending danger!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“I don't think we could sustain a barrier around the buildings to protect them even if I got all the wizards in Gravity Falls together.” Gideon said, sighing as he set down his pencil. “But it'd be ideal if we could just protect the buildings and keep people inside.”  
  
“Well, maybe Lee's got some suggestions.” Bill offered. “Lee?” He looked at Ford.  
  
“Hm?” Ford looked up.  
  
“We want to protect the buildings from evil, any suggestions?” Bill asked.  
  
“Unicorn hair.” Lee glanced at him. “But it might keep you out, too.”  
  
“I'm willing to take that chance.” Bill said firmly. “How do we get unicorn hair?” He looked at Gideon. “Is that a common ingredient?”  
  
“Uh, no. Unicorn _anything_ is a really difficult ingredient to get.” Gideon shook his head. “I don't even know where the unicorns _are_ , I've only seen them at the waterfall once. They fled once they realized I wasn't a maiden, though.”  
  
“Pretentious pricks.” Ford huffed. “I know how to get to them. But, as you said, only maidens will be allowed.”  
  
“Did I hear something about _unicorns_?” Mabel poked her head into the room.  
  
“Yes, you did. Where have you been?” Gideon asked, getting up as she came further into the room.  
  
“I was playing with Dipper and Tyrone outside. It's a gorgeous day out.” Mabel smiled and hugged him. “Wanna join us?”  
  
“Actually, we need to look for the unicorns.” Gideon admitted. “But, they won't come out for males...”  
  
Mabel gasped. “Oh. My. Goshness. I can look for the unicorns with the girls! Let me go look for them, please!”  
  
“Well, I don't see much other choice.” Bill shrugged and looked at Ford. “Lee?”  
  
Ford stood up. “I'll get my Journal.” He headed for the basement.  
  
“I'll go contact the other wizards and witches in town. The more protective charms we can place the better. Might be good to plan a few hexes, too.” Gideon grinned a bit and kissed Mabel's cheek before walking out of the room past her.  
  
Dipper came into the room. “What's going on?”  
  
“I'm going to find unicorns!” Mabel smiled. “Wish me luck!”  
  
“Okay! Good luck!” Dipper hugged her.  
  
Ford came back in and handed Mabel the book. “There you go. Do you need me to show you the page?”  
  
“Nah, I'll find it.” Mabel pulled out her phone and dialed a number. “Grenda, oh my god, you have got to come to the Mystery Shack! Get Pacifica and Candy, too!” She ran out of the room.  
  
“So...what will we do?” Bill asked.  
  
“I think we need to have a talk.” Ford said firmly. “Come on.”  
  
“Where are we going?” Dipper asked.  
  
“The basement.” He headed for it.  
  
Bill shrugged and followed him. Ford waited for them to catch up and then pulled out a keycard from his pocket to access a secret basement floor. “We're going to where we can be alone.”  
  
They arrived at the secret floor and Ford stepped out, Bill and Dipper following. The room had curtains all over covering things up and then Ford turned to them. “Alright, Bill. It's time to confess. What's your game? Why are you posing as a good guy? We all know you're laughing behind our backs.”  
  
“But, he--” Dipper started to speak up and Bill held out a hand to stop him.  
  
“Why do you say that?” Bill asked.  
  
“Because I know your game. You're conspiring with Pyronica whenever we turn our backs!” Ford snapped.  
  
Bill sighed and shook his head. “No, I haven't.”  
  
“Lies!” Ford ripped down one of the curtains, showing a statue of Bill with multiple arms and different artifacts. “You're a deceiver! A trickster! You're toying with us!”  
  
“I haven't talked to Pyronica in 30 years!” Bill snapped. “Not since you sealed me away!”  
  
“All that did was keep you from getting into our heads!” Ford snapped back.  
  
Dipper went over to pull more curtains aside curiously. More images of Bill, almost enough to fill a museum. “Grunkle Lee?”  
  
“No, it did much more than that. While you were having fun in the multiverse, I was staring at wooden planks!” Bill said firmly. “I couldn't use my Sight, I couldn't use any powers and I was completely helpless and lost in my own mind for 30 years! Until Pine Tree found me, I couldn't even change my shape! You completely incapacitated me!”  
  
“That's not what I've heard. I've heard you're still calling the shots, ruling from the castle!” Ford said firmly.  
  
“Do you _honestly_ think that they would _tell_ people I was vulnerable?” Bill asked, looking annoyed. “I've been a stone statue for 30 years! Pyronica's the one calling the shots and protecting me until I wake up again! And I'm giving up _ever_ waking up if it means that this town will be safe!”   
  
Ford frowned. What Bill was saying made some sort of sense. But the spell was only supposed to block him from possessing anyone, why would it completely remove his powers? Maybe he'd misread something...  
  
“Grunkle Lee, why do you have so many pictures of Bill? You must've really loved him.” Dipper said, looking at the pictures.  
  
Ford sputtered and Bill looked around at everything in surprise. “Well, I--”  
  
“You didn't _destroy_ all these?” Bill asked in disbelief. “You said you _hated_ me, why wouldn't you destroy all of these?”  
  
Ford glanced to the side, blushing. “I still...admire you.”  
  
“I'm getting hungry looking at all these Doritos.” Dipper said, rubbing his stomach.  
  
“Don't eat it.” Bill playfully bopped his head.  
  
Ford sighed. “So...if what you're saying is true...then all of the violence, the destruction, the orders to the other criminals outside the Nightmare Realm...that was all _her_?”  
  
“Hey, I honestly can't lead a whole group of criminals. I was a figurehead, she's the real criminal leader.” Bill shrugged. “I got them out of jail and then took revenge on my own world. That's it. And then my task was to get them out of the Nightmare Realm.”  
  
“So, she's been _using_ you this whole time?” Ford frowned. “Using your name, your power, and for what? Chaos?”  
  
“Honestly, I don't know much about her from before we met in prison.” Bill admitted. “But, yeah. And I've washed my hands of the whole thing and would like to protect this world from her, so if you would stop wasting time trying to find reasons to blame me, that would be awesome.” He looked at the statues and pictures. “And, uh, can we destroy these? Please? It's very stalker vibe.”  
  
“We'll...worry about that later. I have to show you something.” Ford said, looking at Bill. “Let's go to my lab in the basement.”  
  
“What is it?” Bill asked.  
  
Ford sighed and went to the elevator. “I'm honestly not sure if I can trust you still...so it'll stay in my locked safe. But I...I found the rift already.”  
  
“You what?” Bill walked over with Dipper.  
  
“It's secure, don't worry.” Ford said, opening the elevator. “But, you understand why I still don't fully trust you, right? I mean, the things you did to me...”  
  
Bill sighed .”I guess I was a bit harsh.”  
  
“And I still don't trust you. Even if what you say is true, I have no proof you won't betray us at your first chance.” They got in and headed down.  
  
“That's true. Or when she gets here. You have no idea how persuasive she can be.” Bill shrugged. “So, that's fair. Might've been a good idea to tell Gideon you found it, though, Poor kid is tearing his hair out looking.”  
  
“I didn't know who was your ally and who wasn't.” Ford said defensively as they stepped out into the lab. “Even Tad Strange wasn't to be trusted. But if what you're saying is true, then these past 30 years you haven't been doing anything wrong.”  
  
“Unless you call counting the wooden planks of the closet 'wrong'.” Bill said dryly.  
  
“This doesn't mean things are better between us, though.” Ford walked over and typed in something, a small compartment opening and revealing a snowglobe-like object. He took it out and showed it to Bill. “See? It's safe. No way they're getting through.”  
  
Bill tapped the glass, looking at the swirling blob of universe inside. “Looks safe. Still, better safe than sorry. If Gideon saw it in a vision, it's going to happen sometime. And soon.”  
  
Ford put it back inside and closed the compartment. “Naturally, only I can open this. So, in case you decide to turn against us, you can't touch it.”  
  
“Yeah, I know. You still don't trust me. That's okay, I don't trust you either.” Bill adjusted his coat around himself a bit tighter. “For all I know, _you'll_ side with her in the end.”  
  
Dipper looked at the two of them one after the other and sighed. At least they weren't fighting...  
  
–  
  
“I can't believe her.” Mabel despaired. “ _I'm_ not pure of heart? _Me_?”  
  
“She doesn't know what she's talking about, you're the purest.” Wendy said, holding Mabel close. “Come on, let's go tell her she's wrong. And if she doesn't help us, well, we'll let the demons eat her first.”  
  
“I'm not sure if threatening her is a good idea.” Pacifica commented.  
  
“Hey, whatever works.” Grenda shrugged.  
  
“ _I_ was going to suggest we beat her up, but threatening to let the demons eat her will probably work.” Candy said, shrugging.  
  
“No, I have to prove I'm pure of heart.” Mabel stood up. “I have to.”  
  
“You'd be wasting your time.”  
  
Mabel gasped and looked around until she saw a small glowing girl with wings sitting on a mushroom. “Are you...a fairy?”  
  
“Gideon wanted me to make sure you were okay, this whole vision thing has him on-edge. Anyways, those unicorns are idiots. Pretty sure they're the abandoned offspring of a unicorn and a horse. They aren't actually seeing into your heart.” The fairy said casually.  
  
“So, they lied? Why?” Mabel asked, clenching her fists.  
  
“Probably because they're greedy.” The fairy shrugged. “I'd go with the threatening to let them get eaten, personally.”  
  
“Can you talk to them?” Mabel asked.  
  
“I'm going out of my way just to watch you, you really think I want to talk to those pathetic excuses for supernaturals?” The fairy crossed her arms over her chest. Mabel wished she could see more of the creature's features, but the glow was almost blinding. “Ugh, fine. But only because you're Gideon's girl. Plus it would get you finished with this quicker. How much hair do you need, anyway?”  
  
“Enough to protect every building in town.” Mabel nodded firmly.  
  
“Girl, you could take all the hair from mane to tail of those three and you wouldn't be able to do that. Pick a few places and sacrifice the rest.” She grinned a bit, her teeth visible and sharp. “We could watch the children for you.”  
  
“Uh, no.” Mabel shook her head. “I've heard the stories.”  
  
“Pity. Well, was worth a shot. Alright, let me in there.” She got up and flew past them. “Wait out here. And, seriously, you have to pick and choose, you can't protect every single one.”  
  
Mabel nodded, glancing to the side. Which of these beautiful buildings would they have to sacrifice to Pyronica's flames?  
  
They heard arguing inside and Mabel looked in curiously. To her shock, the fairy was actually _attacking_ the unicorns, her glow a dangerous red color and her expression crazed. The unicorns were backed into the wall as the fairy came at them with claws extending from her hands.  
  
“H-Help! Somebody, help! We'll do anything!” The unicorns cried out.  
  
“Stop!” Mabel ran in. “Don't hurt them!”   
  
“Oh, thank goodness! Please, help us! We'll give you our hair if you can get her away from us!” The unicorns begged.  
  
Mabel moved in front of the fairy, blocking the way protectively. “Leave them alone!”  
  
The fairy retracted her claws, her colors returning to normal. “Oh, darn, I can't hurt Gideon's girlfriend, the Queen would be furious! What an inconvenience. I guess I'll just go now.” She flew off.  
  
“Thank you.” The head unicorn breathed a sigh of relief. “Uh, I guess we did promise you...how much do you need?”  
  
–  
  
“Mission accomplished!” Mabel cheered. “Grunkle Lee will be so happy!”  
  
“Let's get back. Hey, where's that fairy?” Wendy looked around.  
  
“She's gone.” Pacifica shrugged.  
  
“Probably a good thing.” Grenda nodded. “I'm glad we didn't have to beat up the unicorns, though.”  
  
“Yeah. I mean, they've already been abandoned by their parents!” Mabel nodded.  
  
“Hey, what's wrong with that fairy? It looks different, and it won't stop throwing up.” Candy pointed to a fairy nearby.  
  
“...I don't know.” Mabel admitted. “Let's ask Gideon sometime. For now, we have to get back to the Mystery Shack!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fairies are frightening things...


	131. Road Trip!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With the unicorn hair in place, Stan's ready for something less stressful!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“And that should do it.” Ford said as he finished gluing the hair into place. “Now we just have to do this for all the other places that people will be hiding in. The museum is a good place, right?”  
  
“It's got the old Society headquarters. I'm having the place cleared out, though, and beds put in instead.” Gideon said, nodding. “There's also the bunker that's being prepared. Shifty and McGucket are taking care of that place.”  
  
Stan came outside and looked around. “Hey, you two seen the kids?”  
  
“Dipper and Mabel are both in their room with Bill.” Ford told him.  
  
“Thanks. Hey, would you mind house-sitting with Bill for a week? Gideon, wanna come on a road trip?”  
  
“I have too many things to do here.” Gideon frowned. “What road trip?”  
  
“A road trip of revenge! Every year, our rivals have come and pranked me and this year I'm gettin' them back for it!” Stan grinned. “The kids will love it!”  
  
“How fortunate that I was not ever affected by their petty antics. I'll stay here, thanks.” Gideon shook his head.  
  
“Suit yourself. Hey, kids!” Stan walked back inside.  
  
“Wait, what, he's leaving Bill here?” Ford frowned. “Why?”  
  
“Because Bill can't leave.” Gideon told him.  
  
“He can't?” Ford looked at him.  
  
“No. And I'm not sure what'll happen if they do, the last time they passed the border Bill ended up being knocked back into his triangle form and passing out. Of course, that was _before_ the portal opened, and he also didn't have his temporary physical form then...” Gideon frowned. “It's been a week since you got back...I'm going to check on him.” He headed inside.  
  
“Why?” Ford followed him and was startled to see that Bill's visage was looking like a glitched-out video game. “What in the world?!”  
  
“I'll call everyone over and we'll get it sorted. Looks like you can go up to a week now.” Gideon told Bill.  
  
“Yep, looks like. It just started happening.” Bill said, looking at his hand.  
  
“This is normal?” Ford asked.  
  
“Yeah. Used to happen every 48 hours. This form isn't real, it's upheld by magic and the imagination of children.” Bill explained. “But, when the portal opened I got stronger. About dang time, too. I was getting tired of limping.” He laughed.  
  
“You can watch us refresh it, if you'd like.” Gideon offered.  
  
“Sure, sounds like it'd be an interesting experience.” Ford shrugged.  
  
–  
  
Ford was right, it was an interesting experience. All the kids gathered in certain spots like they'd done this many times before (probably had) and Bill stood in the center and Gideon chanted Bill's summoning spell. Within moments, after the circle stopped glowing and the magic had faded, Bill was back to the way he always looked.   
  
Bill shifted his leg and then nodded. “Alright, good as new! Thanks, kids!”  
  
“Hey, kids! While you're here, wanna go on a road trip?” Stan asked. “I already called your parents and they're okay with it if you wanna go!”  
  
“Well, if dad already said yes, then I'm gonna go pack.” Pacifica grinned. “How long?”  
  
“Just a week.” Stan shrugged. “You'll have to do this again when we get back, haha!”  
  
“Is Gideon coming?” Mabel looked at him.  
  
“He already asked me. I have too much to do here, you go have fun.” Gideon smiled and started to clean up the magic circle.  
  
“Alright. Good luck protecting the town.” Mabel kissed his cheek. “I'll take pictures and send them by text, okay?”  
  
“I look forward to them.” Gideon smiled.  
  
Mabel smiled and headed off to go pack.  
  
“Me too?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Yeah, go have fun.” Bill told him. “We should be okay. But...actually, let's try something. Come on.” He picked Dipper up.  
  
Ford looked at him. “I just put that barrier in place. How can you come and go?”  
  
“Because I'm not evil? Or it's because of my link to Pine Tree. Take your pick.” Bill shrugged and walked out with Dipper.  
  
Ford puzzled over that as he followed them outside. “And where are you going?”  
  
“To the edge of town. Come on.” Bill gestured for him to follow.  
  
“What's at the edge of town?” Ford asked, walking after them.  
  
“You wouldn't have noticed it. You're human.” Bill said, going to the golf cart. “Stan, I'm taking the golf cart for a ride!”  
  
“Don't go over 20 miles per hour!” Stan called out warningly. “We just got it repaired!”  
  
“Yes, sir!” Bill laughed and got in. “Lee, sit next to me. Pine Tree, you can sit in his lap.”  
  
Ford sat next to him. “Okay, where are we going? And what did he mean by 'only'? A golf cart can't go that fast.”  
  
“It can when _I'm_ driving it.” Bill grinned, gripping the wheel and channeling his energy into it. It then sped off, heading away from the Mystery Shack.  
  
“Are you kidding me? How fast have you made this thing go?” Ford asked.  
  
“Fast enough to escape a giant walking pile of gnomes! Which is pretty fast.” Bill said as he drove.  
  
“They were trying to force Mabel to marry them! All of them!” Dipper explained.  
  
“That sounds like quite the adventure. Why don't you tell me more about it?” Ford asked.  
  
“Okay!” Dipper grinned and started to tell him about the whole incident with the trolls, then he started on the wax figures, and then the fake Gobblewonker, and by the time Bill parked the golf cart he was telling Ford about the time Gideon tried to kill him.  
  
“Okay, storytime pause.” Bill walked over to a point in the road and stopped. “Pine Tree, go on through.”  
  
Dipper climbed off Ford's lap and went over to him. “You sure?”  
  
“I'm sure.” Bill nodded.  
  
“Okay.” Dipper stepped past him and walked on a bit further before stopping. “Is this far enough, Bill?”  
  
“A bit further.” Bill motioned for him to step back.  
  
Ford walked over to join Dipper. “Bill, what are you doing?”  
  
Bill smiled sadly and reached up and touched an invisible wall. He pushed against it, but the air only rippled like water before he shrugged. “I can't leave town.”  
  
“Is that...the Weirdness Magnetism?” Ford breathed. “I mean, I knew it was there, but to actually _see_ it...it's amazing!”  
  
“Sure, amazingly keeping me and every other non-human trapped in here. But, hey, at least Pine Tree can leave and I don't poof.” He gestured to himself. “That's good to know.”  
  
“Oh, Bill.” Dipper walked over and hugged him. “I can stay with you.”  
  
“Nah, go with them.” Bill knelt down and stroked his cheek. “Go be my eyes. I'll see what you see, I'll hear what you hear. But bring back some snacks, because I can't taste what you taste.”  
  
Dipper giggled. “Okay.” He threw his arms around his neck.  
  
Ford stared at him, trying to picture him as ever being the monster he knew him to be. “...Should we...go back now?”  
  
“Do you want to see where the other side is?” Bill asked.  
  
“Sure.” Ford shrugged. “Show me the other side of the barrier.”  
  
“Wait, how come Mermando could get out?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Maybe it doesn't stretch to as low in the water as he can go.” Bill shrugged. “I'll test the theory sometime.”  
  
“Mer—who?” Ford asked.  
  
“He's a merman that came to town before.” Dipper explained.  
  
“Anyways, I'll test the theory later. You go have fun on the road trip.” Bill grinned and smooshed his hat into his head. “Silly face.”  
  
–  
  
“Goodbye, have fun!” Bill waved.  
  
“We'll bring back souvenirs, dude!” Soos grinned.  
  
“Don't burn down the place.” Stan said jokingly, then did a serious tone. “Seriously, don't. I don't care what your issue is with each other, don't burn down the house.” He stepped into the RV after the kids. “Alright, who's ready to terrorize other attractions!”  
  
“We are!” The kids said in unison.  
  
They drove off, leaving Bill, Ford and Gideon waving them off. Then Gideon looked at the two of them. “Since we're going to be here, we may as well keep the attractions open while we prepare the town for the apocalypse.” He suggested.  
  
“Good idea.” Bill nodded.  
  
“Wait, so I have to do the Mr. Mystery thing full-time?” Ford asked, sounding alarmed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bill and Dipper are going to be miles and miles apart for the first time since Dipper first met him.  
> (Ford will hear the rest of the story later, he can assume Gideon changed his ways.)


	132. Day Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While the others are away, it's business as usual! Well, today is a day off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD
> 
> (A/N: This one goes out to Pinegirl14, who will soon be Pinegirl15! Happy 15th birthday, Pinegirl! Thanks for being such a great fan of "Little Dipper"!)

Day two of the road trip. Ford was woken up by Bill coming in and shaking him awake with a brief “Breakfast” before he walked out. He groaned and got up, stretching and yawning. He made his way out of the room to find Bill, Blendin and Tyrone all in the kitchen. “Gideon's not here today?”  
  
“Today's not a work-day, he's with his family for breakfast.” Bill told him. “Sit down, we've got waffles.”  
  
“So...you eat?” Ford asked Tyrone as he sat down, trying not to look at Bill in that apron again. Who the hell came up with an apron that says “Kiss the Demon”? They couldn't have it say “Demon Cook” or something like that? And why were his pants so tight? Were they yoga pants? Bill wore yoga pants? He tried to distract himself by drinking his coffee, but he couldn't help but look more anyway.  
  
God, he was sure glad Gideon wasn't here today.  
  
“So, uh...why didn't you invite Tad Strange over for breakfast?” Ford asked.  
  
“He's working on panic kits and preparing bread for people to eat during the apocalypse.” Bill said, taking off his apron and grabbed his coat instead. He left his gloves off and sat down to eat. “Time Baby gave him something to keep food from spoiling.”  
  
“Why can't he just have Time Cops put in place?” Ford asked.  
  
“Because we're risking things by having ONE Time Cop here. Imagine if someone else got ahold of one of their time machines and altered history?” Bill said, picking up the syrup.  
  
“That wasn't fun at all.” Blendin said, sighing.  
  
“What exactly did you do?” Ford asked. “I mean, aside from apparently having me repair your time machine.”  
  
“They just went through time. Pine Tree wouldn't let go of the machine, he wanted to see dinosaurs. Guess he got his wish, we found dinosaurs in the present.” Bill chuckled.  
  
“Is there where the...” Ford looked towards the paddocks.  
  
“Daisy and Liam? Yep.” Bill nodded.  
  
Ford nodded. “I see....so, what do you normally do on days off?”  
  
“Hang out with Pine Tree.” Bill shrugged. “I guess I gotta think of something else to do.”  
  
Ford nodded. “Well, I still need to finish taking apart that portal.”  
  
“Shame we have to.” Bill said wistfully. “I still want to see the multiverse.”  
  
“You know that we have to. If it ever turned on again...” Ford frowned.  
  
“Yeah, I know.” Bill sighed.  
  
Tyrone looked at them. “Are you two going to fight again?”  
  
“No, we're not.” Ford assured him. “You didn't go on the trip with them?”  
  
“Nuh-uh. Too risky.” Tyrone shook his head. “One drip and I'm a goner.”  
  
“We have to do something about that.” Bill said, frowning. “Maybe we can invent something...”  
  
“We'll worry about it if we survive the apocalypse.” Tyrone shrugged. “Until then, I have rain gear. I just didn't want to go to that foggy place.”  
  
“Makes sense. That's alright, you can help us out around the shop.” Bill grinned.  
  
“Who's going to be buying from the giftshop at this time?” Ford asked.  
  
“We still have tourists coming and going.” Bill shrugged. “Until the world actually ends, the shop stays open.”  
  
“Wow, what a policy.” Ford chuckled a bit. “Sounds like Stan...”  
  
–  
  
The RV was full of five kids and two adults, though it wasn't meant to be for more than three people at most. Still, they made-do. Stan slept in the driver's seat, the girls all took the bed, and Soos slept on the floor while Mabel took a couch and Dipper slept in a little hammock.  
  
Dipper woke up and climbed off of his little hammock, yawning. “Morning, everyone.”  
  
“Good morning, Dipper.” Mabel greeted as she prepared breakfast. “Did you sleep well?”  
  
“It wasn't as comfy as Bill.” Dipper walked over and looked in a mirror, grinning. 'Good morning, Bill!' He thought.  
  
' _Morning, Pine Tree. I see you have bed-hair, better fix that.'_ Bill greeted cheerfully. ' _Be careful today, okay? And mind your sister._ '  
  
'I will.' Dipper promised, moving away from the mirror to go get changed out of his PJs.  
  
“Grunkle Stan, breakfast is ready!” Mabel called.  
  
Dipper went to the bedroom and knock before looking in. “Hey, can I get to my clothes?”  
  
“That's fine, go ahead.” Pacifica assured him.  
  
“Really? You guys are okay?” Dipper stepped in. “I don't wanna interrupt.”  
  
“We're fine.” Candy grinned at him. “Thanks for being so considerate, though.”  
  
“Mabel says it's almost time for breakfast.” Dipper said, getting out his clothes from his suitcase and changing clothes.  
  
“Mm, breakfast.” Grenda set down her phone and got up. “Come on, girls. Let's go get some food!”  
  
They got up and left the room, Dipper following after he finished getting dressed.   
  
“Our first destination is Granny Sweetkins' Yarnball.” Stan said as he pulled out a map. “After that is Upside-Down Town, Log Land, Corn Maze, and then Mystery Mountain. We'll drop into Septic Ridge RV Park between Upside-Down Town and Mystery Mountain.”  
  
“What's at Mystery Mountain?” Dipper asked.  
  
“It's a _mystery_. Though, the brochure talks about legends of spider-people. Pretty sure it's about as real as my 'hybrids'.” Stan chuckled.  
  
“Yuck, spiders.” Dipper made a face.  
  
“Move the map, I gotta set the table.” Mabel said, shooing it away.  
  
“Oh, excuse me.” Stan moved the map and folded it up again. “Soos, breakfast!”  
  
“Coming!” Soos left the front seats and joined them.  
  
“Thanks for letting us use the bed, Mr. Pines.” Pacifica said, watching as Candy and Grenda helped Mabel set the table.  
  
“It's fine, I spent a lot of years sleeping in my car anyway.” Stan waved it up, then glanced to the side. “Uh, well...y'know, tough times growing up...”  
  
“That sounds terrible...” Pacifica looked at him pityingly.  
  
“Anyways, things are better, I got a cool place, a sweet gal, an awesome family and a grand mix-matched bunch of friends. I even became friends with my business rival! Things are great!” Stan grinned.  
  
“Except for you being pranked by tourist attractions. Why do they do it anyway?” Mabel asked as she set the food down. “That's just bad sportsmanship. Did Gideon ever prank you?”  
  
“Well, not really. Unless you count deliberately taking my parking spaces and trying to sneak into my house, but I'm pretty sure his dad did it out of spite and the sneaking had nothing to do with his business. He did copy a lot of my tricks, though, like the disappearing money bag. Nothing to the extent of these guys, though. Upside-Down Town duct-taped Soos to the ceiling once!”  
  
“I was up there for 78 hours last summer.” Soos said solemnly.  
  
“Yikes.” Dipper cringed. “We better warn Gideon.”  
  
“Hah! I think it'd be more fair to warn _them_ about _Gideon_! They've only ever seen his little shows and pictures, _if_ that!” Stan grinned. “I can guarantee that he and Bill are gonna make them regret _ever_ going to prank the Mystery Shack!”  
  
“That's true. Gideon can get scary-protective.” Dipper said, nodding. 'And scary-possessive.' He thought.  
  
–  
  
“Alright, the next big place is...” Gideon frowned. “The play-house...”  
  
“Oh no. COSMOS, no. We are NOT going to have people bunking up with Kryptos!” Bill said firmly.  
  
“Bill, we have to think logically.” Gideon said, sighing.  
  
“If that rift bursts open, Kryptos will be at full power and anyone in here with him will be made into his slaves.” Ford said firmly.  
  
“How about this?” Tad suggested. “I'll set up base by the playhouse. As soon as I see any sign of the apocalypse starting, allowing Kryptos to leave that place, I'll drag him out by his ears and you can move people in.”  
  
“We can't seal the place until he's out. We'll just find another place.” Gideon shook his head.  
  
“Fine. What do we have so far?” Bill asked.  
  
“Okay...we've sealed off the museum, the town hall, the Mystery Shack, the Tent of Telepathy, and I think we have enough hair for one more place. And then there's the bunker we have to get ready before that snowglobe you have it kept in blows open.” Gideon said, tapping spots on the map he'd set on the coffee table.  
  
“If it comes to it, could we put some people in your ring dimension?” Bill asked him.  
  
“Hello, boys. Cookies?” Agatha said, walking over with a smile and a plate of cookies in her hands.  
  
“Oh, mother, you should be resting.” Gideon stood up to take the plate from her. “Where's father?”  
  
“He's out with the men, fishing and hunting.” Agatha said, brushing her hands off on her aprons. “And I just feel like baking so much right now.”  
  
“Hunting? In the woods? Tell me he took my map I made for him.” Gideon frowned.  
  
“Yes, he did. I made sure he took it, Dan made sure he took it, and even Tyler swiped it off the table and carried it himself getting him to 'git it' into his pocket.” Agatha giggled a bit.  
  
“Where's Uncle Preston?” Gideon asked.  
  
“He's moving all the valuables somewhere 'the common folk won't get it'. And he offers his home as a safe place during the apocalypse, so you can put that on your list.” Agatha pointed to the map. “I suppose after opening the gates to them for the party, he's just throwing his hands up about the whole 'common folk in my mansion' thing.”  
  
Gideon nodded and circled the mansion on the map. “There's our last place, then And, uh, no Bill. We cannot put them into my ring dimension, I have many rare and valuable artifacts and books in there I do not want touched and Midna would hate the company.” He folded up the map. “We'll go seal up Northwest Manor after we eat. Mother, _please_ sit down. I'll go turn off the oven, I know you left it on again.” He got up and went to the kitchen.  
  
“You're going to give him anxiety.” Ford chuckled “I wonder if this is how Shermy acted when our mom was pregnant with Stan and I?”  
  
“You mean Pine Tree and Shooting Star's grandfather? He seems nice. Wish I could meet him.” Bill said, grabbing a cookie.  
  
Agatha sat down and rubbed her belly gently. “You know...I never thought I would want another child with Bud. But...I want this one. And I just know she'll be beautiful.”  
  
“You assume it'll be a she.” Ford remarked.  
  
“Bill, could you check? With your Sight?” Agatha asked.  
  
“You sure?” Bill asked.  
  
“I'm just...I don't want to wait. I feel like a child waiting expectantly to open her present. Please?” Agatha asked.  
  
Gideon came back into the room. “You almost forgot a tray in the oven.”  
  
“Oh, thank you, Gideon.” Agatha smiled and then looked at Bill. “Well?”  
  
“What?” Gideon asked.  
  
“Your mother wants to know if she's having a boy or girl.” Bill told him.  
  
“Wait, we can find out? Already?” Gideon asked.  
  
“Sight.” Bill tapped next to his eye. “I know many things.”  
  
“Well, then find out. Please.” Gideon sat next to his mother.  
  
Bill chuckled. “Okay, okay.” He brought his hands up to his eye in a triangle shape. Then his eye glowed and images flashed by in his iris. “I see...a beautiful little girl. Brown hair, green eyes, and the sweetest smile. And, oh, how she adores her brother.”  
  
“Does she have a name?” Agatha asked.  
  
“You sure you don't want to decide that yourself?” Bill asked.  
  
“I suppose you're right.” Agatha nodded.  
  
“Besides, the future's not set in stone.” Bill shrugged, lowering his hands. “Isn't it enough to know it's a girl?”  
  
Agatha gently rubbed her belly. “You're right. I just got so excited...”  
  
Gideon nodded, smiling at her. “A little sister...I can't wait.”  
  
“You'll have to, kiddo.” Ford picked up a cookie. “These things take time.”  
  
“Let's focus on making sure there's a world for her to to be born into.” Tad reminded them all. “That casing won't hold forever. We need battle strategies.”  
  
The others nodded solemnly, their reality sinking in once more.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Geez, Tad, why you gotta be such a downer? No wonder Bill never invited you to his parties.


	133. Countdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Ford's first day working alone, while Stan has fun with his pranks!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

Ford was woken up by Bill insistently shoving him until he fell off the couch. “Ow! Bill, what the fuck?!”  
  
“I tried waking you seventeen times before I finally shoved you off. Get up, grab some cereal, and then get your uniform on. The shop opens in twenty minutes.” Bill headed out of the room.  
  
Ford groaned and got himself up off the floor. “Alright, alright. I'm coming.” He grabbed his glasses and put them on his face with one hand, the other reaching for his comb.  
  
“Come ON, Lee!” Bill said, walking past the room.  
  
“How did I oversleep? I thought I set the alarm...” He looked at his alarm, which had been aggressively smashed into the wall. “...Oh.”  
He stepped out into the hall and had to move out of the way of Robbie and Tyrone moving the copy machine into the shop. “Right. Teenager. Works here.”  
  
“Are you still half-asleep? You better hurry and get dressed, it won't do for the _main attraction_ to not be ready when the shop opens.” Robbie said, rolling his eyes.  
  
“Where's Gideon?” Ford looked around.  
  
“Gideon is already at his station, waiting for showtime.” Bill said, walking by adjusting his bowtie. “Do you need me to send a double to help you dress?”  
  
“I can dress on my own!” Ford stomped off to Stan's room.  
  
“Hey, Stan 2, why so sour? Late night? You got a hangover?” Wendy called.  
  
“No, I did not get drunk last night!” Ford said defensively.  
  
“Maybe he should've.” Robbie remarked.  
  
“We are opening in ten minutes, people! Blendin, how's the stocking going? Good? Good. Tyrone, machine hooked up and turned on? Awesome. Robbie, do you need anything out there? Water bottles, shade, anything?” Ford heard Bill asking.  
  
“Nope, I'm good. Heading out now.” Robbie replied.  
  
“Great. Stanley Pines, we have ten minutes to open! You better be getting dressed!” Bill called to him.  
  
“Okay, okay.” Ford muttered, pulling his Mr. Mystery uniform out of the closet and putting it on. “This is _so_ not fair.”  
  
“Five minutes!” Bill called.  
  
Ford finished tying his shoes, adjusted his tie in the mirror and grabbed his own Mr. Mystery fez before heading out to the shop.  
  
“Thanks for joining us.” Bill nodded to him. “Two minutes, people. Blendin, take the boxes into back. We don't want people tripping over those.”  
  
Blendin gathered up the empty boxes and went to put them in the employee's only section. When he returned, there were already people waiting outside the door. Robbie had started playing for the people ahead of it, and a few people were admiring the reptiles.  
  
“Ready? Five...four...three...two...” Bill walked over to the door, preparing to unlock it.  
  
–  
  
“One! Drive!” Stan said gleefully as Soos pulled away from the giant ball of yarn, the end of it attached to the back of the RV. The yarn ball started to unravel as they drove further and further away, Granny Sweetkins running out after them waving her cane and quite possibly spewing profanities that they couldn't hear at this point. Once they got far enough, they pulled over, untied the yarn, and slammed on the gas to get far away from that area.  
  
“Whoooo! That was fun!” Mabel cheered as they drove down the road at borderline-illegal speeds.  
  
“Did you see her face?” Pacifica giggled.  
  
“I tied it real good, didn't I?” Dipper asked, pleased with his handiwork.  
  
“You sure did, kid.” Stan rubbed his head affectionately.  
  
“You're not worried about retaliation?” Grenda asked.  
  
“This IS retaliation! Besides, heh, the Shack has nothing to fear from that old crone. Onwards!” Stan dramatically pointed out the window. “Next stop, Upside-Down Town!”  
  
–  
  
“This is exhausting.” Ford groaned, watching the tour group head out to their cars. “How much longer?”  
  
“We're closing for lunch.” Bill flipped the sign. “Let's head for the kitchen.” He turned to go.  
  
The door opened and Gideon came in with Robbie, locking the door behind them. “Busy day. How did you do, Stanley?”  
  
“I just don't have the same...flair as my brother. He's always been more of a showman.” Ford sighed heavily.  
  
“You'll figure it out.” Bill patted him on the shoulder. “We open back up in a half-hour, let's go get some food in us before then.”  
  
“Right.” Ford took off his fez and sighed. “We really should be focusing on getting things ready for the apocalypse, though.”  
  
“Well, let's run through the checklist.” Gideon said, floating an apple over to Wendy as she came into the kitchen with them. “We found the unicorns, got the hair, sealed up as many buildings as we could. I talked with the fair folk and they're ready to fight if it comes to it.”  
  
“How's the ol' snowglobe?” Wendy asked, taking a bite of the apple.  
  
“Still intact.” Ford nodded.  
  
“Everyone is preparing for emergencies, and otherwise just trying to live their normal lives. We all know the drill, we're all prepared, let's not stress over the apocalypse.” Bill told Ford. “Your brother seems to be managing to act like nothing is happening.”  
  
“My brother wasn't in the multiverse.” Ford muttered.  
  
“We're fine.” Bill assured him. “Relax, try to have fun. Do you need a massage? You're really tense.”  
  
“What, from you?” Ford blurting out without thinking.  
  
“Uh, I was going to suggest the local masseuse, but I guess I can try?” Bill shrugged.  
  
Ford blushed pink. “O-Of course, I shouldn't have assumed. N-No, I think I'm...I'm good without that. Yeah.” He nervously tugged at his turtleneck.  
  
“If you're sure.” Bill shrugged. “At least take a warm shower, loosen your muscles.”  
  
Ford nodded. “I'll do that.” He picked up a sandwich from a prepared plate and took a bite.  
  
“Whoa!” Bill held his head. “Holy CRAP, Pine Tree! Head-rush much?”  
  
“What's the matter?” Gideon asked.  
  
“He's _upside-down_ and I _felt_ it.” Bill rubbed at his head. “Geez, kid!”  
  
“Sounds fun.” Wendy grinned. “Maybe I should've gone after all.”  
  
Bill rubbed at his head. “At least _he's_ having fun. _I'm_ gonna need a _painkiller_.”  
  
“The price of mind-links.” Gideon said matter-of-factly. “This is why you shouldn't keep it up constantly. Can't you stay linked to him but detach yourself somewhat?”  
  
“Uhm...I don't...really know.” Bill admitted.  
  
“I feel sorry for you.” Gideon sighed and went to get a drink.  
  
Ford glanced at Bill and thought about his offer again before grabbing a drink and gulping it down. He couldn't let Bill of all people see _that_! Even if he DOES look like he has really nice hands...long fingers...soft...imagining them without gloves made him feel all warm and he nervously rubbed at his neck.  
  
“Glad to see I'm not the _only_ one pining here.” Robbie said quietly.  
  
“You say something, Stitch?” Bill asked.  
  
“Nope.” Robbie shook his head, pulling his hood up to conceal his look of shame.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ford and Robbie both need to get over their crushes.


	134. Movie Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a long day of work, it's nice to settle down with a movie...or two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

Ford stood in front of Wax Stan, looking it over again. He couldn't place it, but there was something... _spooky_ about the thing. He could've _sworn_ this thing was in a different pose last time he saw it. And it was on another side of the room. But, this was just wax, right? Mabel had crafted it.  
  
“What's up?” Bill asked, walking into the living room stirring a mug of coffee.  
“Bill...Dipper told me about those wax figures that came to life...” Ford glanced at him. “Is there any chance...or am I just losing my mind...that Wax Stan is ALSO coming to life at night?”  
  
“It's possible. He WAS crafted from the remains of Wax Abraham Lincoln.” Bill shrugged, sitting down in the armchair.  
  
“...Great. And you're... _fine_ with this?” Ford asked, looking at him fully.  
  
“We've been living with a _living paper-doll_ of _Pine Tree_ , and it's the _living wax statue_ of _Stan_ that you're worried about? Wax Stan doesn't mean us any harm.” Bill rolled his eye.  
  
“Tyrone is harmless, I'm not sure WHAT this guy is capable of.” Ford looked at Wax Stan again.  
  
“He's capable of getting his head cut off and playing dead.” Bill went back to stirring his coffee. “Now sit down and watch some late-night horror mysteries with me. There's a movie of **The Masque of the Red Death** and I hear it's good.”  
  
“Edgar Allan Poe? I personally liked **The Cask of Amontillado** , myself.” Ford sat down next to him.  
  
“You'll have to forgive me if I find that one a little _too_ relatable.” Bill said dryly as he picked up the remote.  
  
 **–**  
  
“Bill, do you see the stars?” Dipper asked softly, looking up from inside the corn maze they were exploring. Technically they were supposed to be out before sunset, but they'd gotten lost in the maze. Stan had briefly lamented that Gideon had refused to come before putting Grenda on his shoulders to look around for the way out.  
  
“Dipper, don't wander off.” Mabel walked over to him. “Come back to the group.”  
  
“I think Bill's busy.” Dipper said, pouting.  
  
“Come on, Grenda says the exit is this way.” Mabel led him along.  
  
“Why did you guys have to insist on spending time in the attraction?” Stan sighed.  
  
“We'll get out. And then we'll ruin it.” Pacifica assured him.  
  
“The stars sure are beautiful, though.” Mabel commented.  
  
“They are. Dipper, how many constellations can you name?” Candy asked him.  
  
“Uhm....there's the Big Dipper...and the Little Dipper...and...I don't know.” Dipper admitted. “I only know those two.”  
  
“There's Orion's Belt, Sirius, and...that's all I can name.” Pacifica admitted. “We Northwests weren't required to know the heavens, just the wealthy.”  
  
“Your family is lame.” Stan said, sticking his tongue out playfully.  
“Well, not as much, lately. Between Gideon and Bill, dad's been more...lenient.” Pacifica admitted.  
  
“That's good.” Stan reached out and rubbed her head gently. “He's not so bad when he's not being a pompous prick.”  
  
Pacifica nodded. “There's the exit!”  
  
“Good. I am so ready to ruin this place. Everyone in the RV!” Stan led them over to the RV parked a bit aways from the attraction.  
  
As soon as everyone was in, he released a jar of corn weevils and quickly headed back in. “Step on it, Soos!”  
  
“You got it!” Soos drove off, leaving the now-ruined attraction behind – just like all the others.  
  
 **–**  
  
“That...was...stupid.” Bill turned off the TV. “Where the FUCK did the girl come from?! He didn't let ANYONE but nobility in before they sealed the doors, and that IDIOT just kept opening the damn doors?! Did they READ the fucking BOOK?!”  
  
Ford chuckled. “Movie adaptations rarely do the book justice.”  
  
“You know what? Fuck this. Let's watch Narnia.” Bill grabbed the TV guide and changed it to that channel.  
  
“Ah, yes. The Christian allegory where Jesus is a lion.” Ford hummed.  
  
“Better than some dumbass opening supposedly welded shut doors to let people in and kill all but one girl. What if that one girl had the Red Death, huh? WHAT THEN?!” Bill threw his hands in the air. “Prince Prospero is NOT a fucking IDIOT!”  
  
“He was to whoever directed _that_ load of shit.” Ford remarked, sitting back to watch **The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe** play. “I never did finish reading this book.”  
  
“I hear the movie's good. Maybe after this we'll pop in that DVD Shooting Star has with the wizards.” Bill shrugged.  
  
“Harvey Porter?” Ford asked.  
  
“ _Harry Potter_.” Bill corrected him.  
  
“Close enough.” Ford shrugged.  
  
“Don't let her hear you messing up the name of her favorite movie.” Bill grinned.  
  
“Wasn't that the one with the Washington vampires that sparkle in the sunlight?” Ford asked.  
  
“Midnight?” Bill asked.  
  
“No, I think it was _Twilight_.” Ford shook his head.  
  
“What about that werewolf book?” Bill asked. “The one Grenda and the other girls are ga-ga over.”  
  
“ _Wolfman Bare-chest_? I don't think Mabel has read that one...has she? I heard it's not for children.” Ford frowned. “Unless...standards have changed?”  
  
“It's really _not_ for kids. But, our girls think that they aren't kids anymore.” Bill sighed heavily.  
  
“Well, why do you let them read it?” Ford asked.  
  
“If I tried to stop them, they'd be sneaky about it. The best I can do is ask them not to moan too loudly when Grendo's narrating the sex scenes.” Bill shrugged. “The piano drowns it out pretty good.”  
  
“...Cosmos.” Ford cringed.  
  
“Yep.” Bill nodded. “Cosmos.”  
  
Blendin poked his head into the room. “...Can I join you? I brought popcorn.”  
  
“Go ahead.” Bill gestured to one of the other seats.  
  
Blendin went in and sat down, handing over the popcorn to share. “I love the Chronicles of Narnia movies.”  
  
Bill grinned. “We better shut up and watch it, then.”

Tyrone poked his head in. “...Can I watch?”  
  
“Sure, come on in.” Bill patted his lap.  
  
Tyrone smiled and ran over, climbing up onto his lap.  
  
“Is it okay for him to eat popcorn?” Ford asked.  
  
“Yo, time stalker, is there butter in that?” Bill asked.  
  
“I-I'm not a...oh, nevermind. No, there's no butter.” Blendin sighed.  
  
“Then, he'll be fine.” Bill nodded to Ford.  
  
“We should probably make another bowl, then.” Ford remarked.  
  
Bill snapped his fingers and a double appeared. Then it turned and went into the kitchen. “That's what doubles are for, my dear Sixer. Now watch the movie.”  
  
Ford awkwardly hid his face behind his coat collar, hoping Bill hadn't seen him blush when he'd said 'my dear Sixer'. It was a lot easier to admit to himself that Bill was attractive now that he was at least 85% sure that Bill wasn't going to betray them all in the end.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mabel, you are doing Ford a concern.


	135. An Old Aquaintance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mystery Mountain, here we come! Stan meets someone from his childhood!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Mystery Mountain.” Stan breathed in the foggy air deeply. "Beautiful...but deadly to my business. And her pranks are horrible.”  
  
“What kind of pranks?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Uh, honestly? Spider-webs everywhere. Freakin' creepy. I'm pretty sure they're fake, but...this IS the place with the legend of the man-eating spider-people.”  
  
“If they really do exist, maybe Quentin Trembly wasn't so insane after all.” Pacifica said, looking around nervously. “There's certainly a lot of spider webs around here...”  
  
“Everything up to now has been a walk in the park compared to this place. It's five times the size of the Mystery Shack and has some really impressive attractions compared to us.”  
  
Candy opened a pamphlet. “Oh, look at this! It has a sky tram named 'Trambience' and a mummy museum! And here's the information about the legend!” She turned it around so they could see it.  
  
“Wow, they really know how to freak people out.” Grenda said, reading over it. “'Spiders of Oregon. Arachnimorphs! Super real!' Ohhh, look at this buff guy they've got in the Arachnimorph costume!”  
  
Pacifica looked at the next part, her eyebrows furrowed in worry. “'They hide among us. It's a well-known fact that Arachnimorphs eat people. Tell-tale signs that a family member is a dangerous spider monster are sweaty palms, hairy body, ravenous appetite, likes crouching behind furniture'.”  
  
Mabel looked up from her phone. “Gideon says that's also a sign you have a werewolf in your family.”  
  
Stan laughed. “This stuff is great!”  
  
Dipper looked at the next part and dramatically said “'Government'?!” as he pointed at the picture of a guy in a suit with a spider-head. “We should've brought Shifty. He'd love this!”  
  
“Shifty's with the McGucket's.” Stan shrugged.  
  
“We'll bring a picture home.” Dipper nodded firmly.  
  
“Great, I'm sure Mr. McGucket will just _love_ having a giant spider in his house.” Pacifica cringed.  
  
“What do you think, Grunkle Stan?” Mabel asked, looking at him.  
  
“Stan? Stan Pines, is that _you_?”  
  
Stan looked over his shoulder and saw a large, blonde man stepping out of a truck parked near their RV. “Uh, what? Me?”  
  
“You can't fool me, Stan.” The man grinned and walked over to him. “Wow, you sure got old! Hah, but so did I.”  
  
Stan blinked and gasped. “ _Crampelter_?!”  
  
“Yeah!” The man ran his hand through his short hair. “I heard you dropped out of school, but you seem to be doing okay for yourself. Your kids?”  
  
“Nah, these are my great-niece, great-nephew, and their friends.” Stan gestured to them.  
  
“Hi, there!” Dipper said with a big smile.  
  
“Great-niece? Wait, who's their grandpa? Don't tell me it's your twin?” Crampelter asked.  
  
“Nah, my older brother, Sherman. You remember him.” Stan shrugged. “How time flies. I thought I'd hate you if we met again, but I'm...not. I guess I've just mellowed out. How have you been?”  
  
“Eh, I've fallen in and out of relationships. Never really found the right girl, I guess.” Crampelter shrugged. “I've gotten into construction, I own my own company!”  
  
“That's great! I own the Mystery Shack in Gravity Falls. Business is booming, baby!” Stan threw his hands out to the sides. “I was having trouble keeping a love life too, but I found this awesome gal in Gravity Falls, she's beautiful and she bakes the best pies.”  
  
“Here's hoping I'll get that lucky.” Crampelter nodded. “Why don't we hang out, since we're here together? Get caught up, go grab a drink.”  
  
“Ah, I gotta keep an eye on these kids. You can come with us, though.” Stan looked over at Soos coming out of the RV. “Hey, Soos!”  
  
“That's my name, yep.” Soos waked over to them. “Sorry I took so long, dudes. I was hav8ing trouble--”  
  
“We don't need to know.” Pacifica said, making a face.  
  
Stan laughed. “Anyways, this is Soos, he's working for me. Soos, this is one of my old classmates, Crampelter.” He gestured between them.  
  
“That's nice of you to bring your employee along.” Crampelter remarked.  
  
“Ah, he's practically family.” Stan waved it off as Soos' eyes grew wide with joy. “Anyways, we're sort of here on company business, anyway. Maybe you can help. As I recall, you were really good at pranks.”  
  
“Pranks?” Crampelter asked. “I don't do that much lately, but sure. Sounds fun.”  
  
“Good. We're here to get back at this bi—uh, _horrible woman_ that runs the place for pranking my Mystery Shack every year. As well as every tourist attraction on the way, because they're all jerks.” Stan explained.  
  
“Sounds fun.” The larger man chuckled. “Still getting bullied, eh Stan?”  
  
“Hey, I'm getting back at them for it. I just couldn't leave the place unprotected. I've partnered up with another attraction in Gravity Falls and he's making sure nothing happens to the place, along with my other employees, so this year I am making them pay for years of cleaning up their pranks.” Stan crossed his arms over his chest and nodded firmly.  
  
“Alright, I'm game. Where do we start?” Crampelter asked.  
  
“Well, let's see.” Stan looked around. “Ah. Hey, kids, I've got five bucks for whoever can tip the big, blue ox!”  
  
“Yaaay!” The kids ran over, Pacifica trailing behind the group to watch.  
  
“Hah, look at them go.” Crampelter grinned.  
  
“Here, take this radio so we can keep in contact.” Stan handed him a black CB radio, then looked at the entrance. “Oh, crap. There she is.” He nodded to the ticket stand, where a blonde woman was manning the stand.  
  
“Who, that hot chick?” Crampelter asked, taking the radio and clipping it to his belt.  
  
“Yeah. She runs the place. Uh...shoot, what was her name.” Stan frowned.  
  
“Don't sweat it, I'll go distract her for you.” Crampelter walked over and leaned on the ticket stand. “Hey, could you help me?”  
  
“Oh, sure. What do you need help with, handsome?” The woman asked.  
  
“I seem to have lost my number, can I have yours?” The man grinned at her.  
  
“Oh, you are a _riot_!” She giggled. “So, what brings you here? We don't often get such handsome, single men around these parts.”  
  
“Well, Darlene,” Crampelter glanced at the name-tag resting on her ample bosom. “I just wanted to see what this place was really like. Stories are nothing like experiencing the real thing, after all.”  
  
Stan crept off to get some bombs from the RV and discreetly put them into his jacket while she wasn't looking. The kids were hopping up and down on the tipped-over ox, but Darlene didn't seem to care or mind. One of the other girls working there offered to take their picture.  
  
“You know, I'm going on a break. You wanna take the Sky Tram up to Widow's Peak?” Darlene asked, gesturing to it.  
  
“Sounds great.” Crampelter grinned and offered her his arm.  
  
“Ohh, fancy!” Darlene took his arm and walked in with him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let us all pray for Crampelter.


	136. New Mummies Daily

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the mysteries at Mystery Mountain start to pile up, the road-trippers find that legends ALWAYS have a basis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Well, this is creepy.” Pacifica commented.  
  
“What is?” Candy asked.  
  
“'New mummies daily'. How do they manage that? It must get expensive.” Pacifica sat down on a bench next to her.  
  
“This mountain is full of mysteries. Like 'why is my head falling on your shoulder'? Beeoo.” Candy laid her head on Pacifica's shoulder.  
  
Pacifica blushed. “C-Candy, this is too public a place!”  
  
“I don't see any of your family or staff around.” Candy said, smiling up at her.  
  
“T-That's true...” Pacifica nodded, relaxing a bit.  
  
“Girls, we've got a problem.” Stan walked up with Dipper, Mabel and Grenda. “I can't find Soos and Crampelter isn't answering the radio I gave him. I think they're in trouble.”  
  
“Let's go to Widow's Peak!” Dipper said, throwing his hands in the air.  
  
“And quickly.” Pacifica said, looking at the webbing on the mummies as she and Candy got off the bench.  
  
They hurried to the Sky Tram, Stan calling both Soos and Crampelter on their radios. “This is not good, not good...I don't have my gun, shoot.”  
  
Dipper frowned and placed a hand on his head. 'Bill, is there a way I can use your fire power from here?' He thought.  
  
' _We're connected, you should be able to. Just focus and think of flame. And be careful._ '  
  
“I will.” Dipper nodded firmly.  
  
“Will what?” Pacifica asked.  
  
“I will set the spiders on fire!” Dipper grinned.  
  
“You can do that?” Stan asked.  
  
“Uh-huh, 'cause of my link with Bill.” Dipper nodded.  
  
“Cool!” Mabel hugged him. “But, uh, be careful with that stuff, okay?”  
  
“I will!” Dipper smiled.  
  
–  
  
“Oh man...my head.” Soos groaned, opening his eyes. “Whoa...where am I? It looks like a cave.”  
  
“Yeah, turns out Darlene and her co-workers are all monsters.” Crampelter said from near him. “I saw one of the others dragging you in here before changing back to her human look.”  
  
“Oh. That makes sense. I was looking at this really cool spider-web and then I felt something hit me in the back of the head.”  
  
“Soos! Crampelter? Come in, one of you!”  
  
“That's gonna be tough, with your arms tied up like that.” Darlene commented as she came in with a few others like her, their lower halves all looking like spider bodies.  
  
“And here we were worried that we wouldn't have enough mummies for the exhibit tomorrow.” One of the others said with a chuckle. “Good thing you guys are so stupid!”  
  
“Once we get that old guy, we'll be set. What do we do about the kids?” One of the others asked.  
  
“We'll just eat 'em.” Darlene said simply. “They'll make good mummies, too. We've never had child mummies before.”  
  
“Mm, a fresh new exhibit.” Yet another licked her lips. Soos counted four in all, including Darlene.  
  
“You tricked me! You said that you loved me!” Crampelter cried in disbelief.  
  
“Hah! You men will fall for anything! 'You're so funny', 'great story', 'I love a guy with a big truck'!” Darlene laughed mockingly, approaching him.  
  
“Y-You didn't...really like my truck?” Crampelter asked.  
  
“Tell me Crampelter, before I transform, who did you think was in charge? You? With your cheesy lines and fake confidence? The only master pickup artists here are us, and you men – you _humans_ , I should say – are nothing but meat.” Darlene went back to her group. “Allow us to slip into something a little more _horrifying_.”  
  
To Soos and Crampelter's horror – okay, Soos wasn't as horrified, he'd seen the Shapeshifter change form before – all four women morphed into spiders before their eyes.  
  
“Hmm, I wonder what kind of beverage would go with a vintage 79 year old man?” Darlene looked at the other spider-girls. “Watch them, I'll be right back.” She scuttled off.  
  
The girls laughed and surrounded the two. “Ohh, which should we eat first?” One asked.  
  
“I think we should eat the pick-up artist first.” Another said.  
  
“But this one looks soooo tasty!” The third one poked at Soos' belly.  
  
“You're not eating any of them!” Stan yelled, running in with the kids.  
  
“Ohh, dinner on delivery!” One of them said gleefully.  
  
“Come and get a mouthful, you'll find this meal's not gonna sit back and be eaten!” Mabel declared. “Hit it, Dipper!”  
  
Dipper held out his hands. “ _ERIF_!” He yelled as blue fire appeared in his hands. Then he volleyed the fireballs at the spiders, hitting one and making her screech in a horrifyingly high pitch that echoed in the cave.  
  
“Lina!” One of the others cried, and then she scooped up her wounded sister before fleeing back into the cave.  
  
“Who else wants some?!” Dipper asked, standing dramatically. Mabel and Grenda stood with him while the others went to rescue the captives.  
  
“You're going to pay for that, you little brat!” One of the others hissed.  
  
“Grenda, ready?” Mabel held up a large stick, Grenda doing the same. “Light us up, Dipper!”  
  
Dipper nodded and touched the sticks. “ _Erif_!”  
  
“Gideon would be so proud.” Mabel smiled at him fondly before turning on the remaining spider-woman with Grenda. “Let's end this!”  
  
The spider-woman spit venom at them, but Mabel and Grenda dodged to the side while Dipper backed away. Then they jumped at the woman, brandishing the blue-fire torches. An echo of pained screeches filled the caves and then it was silent as the spider-woman curled up in agony.  
  
“Is that all of them?” Mabel asked.  
  
“What about those ones that ran away?” Stan asked.  
  
“I don't think we have to worry about them. But, where is Darlene?” Crampelter asked, brushing the last of the webbing off his body.  
  
“Dipper!” Pacifica cried, seeing a figure behind the small body.  
  
Dipper turned just in time to be smacked to the side by one of Darlene's massive legs. “Agh!” He hit the floor hard and lay still.  
  
“I... _really hate wizards_.” Darlene said, moving towards the fallen child.  
  
“Get away from him!” Stan ran over and punched at her. Darlene slammed a leg into him and knocked him to the side. “Ugh!”  
  
“Stan!” Soos ran over to see if he was okay.  
  
“You...shouldn't have done that.” Dipper said with a cold tone, slowly pushing himself to his feet.  
  
“Bill?” Mabel breathed.   
  
Dipper stood up and wiped blood off his cheek, his eyes glowing golden-yellow. “No one gets away with harming my _Pine Tree_ , you **bitch**.”  
  
“Uh, we are going to have a talk about that when I get home.” Mabel said firmly.  
  
“What's going on with you now?” Darlene frowned, stepping back a bit. “Something's...weird about you...”  
  
“Everyone, just back away. Give Bill his space.” Mabel said, ushering everyone into stepping back away from the two as Dipper approached Darlene menacingly. How Bill managed to make Dipper's small body look so menacing and intimidating, Mabel would never know.  
  
Darlene lunged at him and Dipper snapped his fingers, fire erupting from the ground right below the space where Darlene was about to jump in. She let out a screech of pain as the fire hit her and rolled back, scrambling to put the fire out.  
  
“Do you want some more? Huh? The kid's out cold! He can't stop me from burning you to a crisp, you good-for-nothing piece of shit!” Dipper stepped towards her, his body glowing bright yellow as he prepared another attack. “Just because I'm miles away, it doesn't mean I can't protect my boy!” He aimed his hands to fire at her again.  
  
“Bill, no!” Mabel ran over and grabbed his shoulders. “Don't make Dipper a killer! She's had enough, look at her!”  
  
Dipper's hand halted mid-throw and his glowing eyes narrowed. “...You're right. Damn, I'm as bad as Gideon.”  
  
“Okay, one, stop swearing. Two, what was that about Gideon?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Nothing...just...get outta this place, Shooting Star. I used too much energy, you'll have to carry Pine Tree...” His eyes returned to normal and he started to fall forward. Mabel caught him and took one last look at the spider-women curled up in pain before she looked at the others. “Let's get out of here.” She said, lifting Dipper into her arms.  
  
“No questions here.” Stan led the way out and they headed for the Sky Tram.  
  
“One of them is still uninjured. What if she comes after us?” Candy asked, helping Pacifica onto the sky tram.  
  
“We don't have to worry about that.” Stan reached into his coat and pulled out a detonator as the sky tram went down the mountain. “Three...two...one...” He pushed the button and they heard explosions as smoke rose from the mountain. Then they ran as fast as they could to their vehicles as a rockslide began to fall from the mountain. “Get in the RV, get in the RV, get in the RV!”  
  
“Wait, my truck!” Crampelter ran for it and started it up, speeding off before he'd even finished buckling his seat belt.  
  
“Everyone in? Good! Step on it, Soos!” Stan shut the door and the RV sped off away from the collapsing mountain.  
  
“Bye-bye, Mystery Mountain.” Dipper said sleepily, having been woken up by all the commotion.  
  
–  
  
“Alright, so we should probably give Stanley a bit more training. The customers complained that he was taking too long to—Bill?” Gideon dropped the notepad he had and ran over to where Bill was lying on the floor, his image fading in and out. “Bill, wake up! Look at me!”  
  
“What's happening to him?” Ford asked, coming in after hearing the commotion.  
  
“Nngh...I used...too much energy...” Bill said, straining to open his eye. “Pine Tree was attacked...I had to do something...not sure I can hold out until they get back...damn...”  
  
“Hold on.” Gideon got up and found some chalk, leaving Bill with Ford and a worried Blendin. He drew Bill's circle with three circles on the outside of it and looked at Ford. “Bring him over here. It might not work as well, but we can at least keep him from fading out to just being in Dipper's mind.”  
  
“Right.” Ford lifted Bill into his arms and carried him over. “What do you want us to do?”  
  
“Stand in the circles. You too, Blendin. We'll use our mind power to restore him.” Gideon gestured to the middle. “Lay him down there, on top of his image.”  
  
Ford gently lay Bill down and took his place in one of the circles, Gideon and Blendin doing the same. Then Gideon begin to chant, as Ford and Blendin focused on Bill's power that was surrounding them when the circle started to glow.  
  
Bill lay still, breathing heavily, and at first it seemed like it wasn't working. Then, slowly, his body started to solidify again and he looked the same as usual. Finally, he sat up and looked at them. “...Thanks. It worked.”  
  
Gideon nodded and then stepped out of the circle. “Good. Don't do that again, okay?”  
  
Bill shrugged and grinned. “No promises.”  
  
“Uh, guys?” Tyrone looked into the room. “We have visitors...and they don't look happy.”  
  
“Probably Stan's victims.” Ford sighed.  
  
Bill grinned. “Bring it on.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When they returned to the Mystery Shack, they saw the staff of Upside-Down Town wrapped in duct-tape and floating in midair upside-down, Granny Sweetkins was tied to a tree with her own yarn and the Corn Maze and Logging Town folks were thrown into the Bottomless Pit.
> 
> After they were all rescued and sent home, Stan and Crampelter took a bit of time to catch up before Crampelter declared he was going to go home and rethink his life.
> 
> (A/N: Fun Fact: I really thought Candy's line was adorable in that mummy museum scene and that's actually why I decided to pair her with someone. And I thought she looked cute with Pacifica. XD)


	137. The Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the calm before the storm, tensions are high. But not for Mabel!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

Mabel woke up with a big smile on her face and hopped off her bed before the sun was even fully visible. She moved to Dipper's bed and smiled, seeing him fast asleep where Bill had moved him to after they fell asleep together the night before. She should probably just let him sleep, but she was too excited! She gently shook him and leaned close to whisper in his ear, “Wake up, soon-to-be-8-year-old.”  
  
“Hhn?” Dipper slowly opened his eyes and looked at her sleepily. “Mabel...?”  
  
Mabel grinned. “Come on, sleepyhead! We've got planning to do for this weekend!”  
  
“Planning? Weekend? What time is it?” Dipper rubbed sleep out of his eyes.  
  
“It is one week to our _birthday_!” Mabel picked him up and spun around the room with him. “I'm going to be _thirteen_ , can you _believe_ it?!”  
  
“Yaaaay.” Dipper yawned and sleepily nodded. “Can I go back to sleep now?”  
  
“Oh, come on. Wake up.” Mabel bounced him in her arms.  
  
“But I wan' sleeeeeep.” Dipper whined.  
  
“But I wan' plaaaaay.” Mabel said, grinning.  
  
“Pleeeease?” Dipper pleaded.  
  
“Oh, alright. Just a few more hours.” She lay him back down on his bed.  
  
“Thank you...” Dipper said, drifting off to sleep.  
  
Mabel skipped off downstairs, still in her night-dress. She heard Bill and Ford talking and crept over to their room to listen in.  
  
“...any day now. I'm...anxious.”  
  
“Yeah, me too. I'm not sure how I'm going to handle this, honestly. I'm...scared.”  
  
“You? Scared?”  
  
“Well, yeah. These guys still think I'm their friend. What are they gonna do when they find out otherwise?”  
  
“As long as the rift is contained, we shouldn't have to worry about it. Maybe his visions aren't set in stone. We just need to keep it contained...”  
  
“Stan says they've always come true. Always. We can't sit on our thumbs hoping it won't happen.” She heard a page being turned. “Because we both know it will.”  
  
“We can still hope.”  
  
“...Yeah. I guess we can.”  
  
There was a long pause, and Mabel was considering stepping away when they spoke again.  
  
“Hey, I...I feel like I should...apologize.”  
  
“For which thing?”  
  
“Bill, don't do this. I'm trying to be....”  
  
“Nice? That's a first.”  
  
“Bill. I'm trying to be sincere here, can you stop it with the jokes? We could die tomorrow, or any time coming up.”  
  
“Alright, fine.”  
  
“I'm sorry about misunderstanding the spell and trapping you in that closet. I suppose I never stopped to question why an iron nail was required.”  
  
Bill chuckled. “Well, according to lore Gideon's been teaching me, iron is good for all kinds of supernatural things.”  
  
“Well, I really thought it would just make you powerless. I didn't mean to Cask of Amontillado you.”  
  
“Well, thanks for apologizing. Now you get to apologize to Stan for not giving him a chance to explain himself before your dad threw him out on his ass.”  
  
“I thought I had?”  
  
“Maybe in your head, dork.”  
  
“I'll have to work on that.” Ford sighed.  
  
“So...what was it like, out there?”  
  
“...I'll have to show you my notes. It'd take too long to describe it like this. But, uh, tell me. What did it feel like when you saw those colors for the first time?”  
  
“Like...I...I can't describe it. Like...everything amazing but terrible at the same time. How do you describe experiencing taste, or sight, or hearing for the first time to someone that has experienced that their whole life? You just can't understand it from an outside perspective.”  
  
“Are you ever going to tell me about your nightmare?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“We should try to get a bit of sleep. We've been up talking ever since I woke you up.”  
  
“Yeah. Good night, Sixer.”  
  
“Good night...Bill.”  
  
Mabel left them alone and skipped off to the kitchen to make some Mabel Juice. She needed to be ready for party-planning!

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big plans in the coming week!


	138. The Crack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The rift is threatening to open and Ford knows how to keep it contained longer. Who will he bring with him, though?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

Dipper came down the stairs to find Mabel had mixed up three pictures of Mabel Juice and had a calendar and notepad on the table, with home-made party decorations set up around the kitchen. “Mabel?”  
  
“Morning, sleepy-head!” Mabel greeted. “I'm making pancakes, what do you want in yours?”  
  
“Heeey, isn't it Blendin's turn to cook?” Bill stepped into the kitchen. “And by 'cook' I mean stand by and watch me cook because he can't cook his way out of a paper bag?”  
  
“Well, I'm cooking. We've got a big week ahead of us!” Mabel grinned.  
  
“What? Why? What's going on?” Ford asked, poking his head into the kitchen.  
  
“Ford, did you shower yet? You smell like those chemicals you were playing with earlier.” Bill looked at him.  
  
“I'll shower in a bit. What's going on this week?” Ford asked.  
  
“Cosmos, Ford, don't be in the kitchen with that smell. Come on, out. We'll question Shooting Star on the week's activities later. Don't make me scrub you down.” Bill grabbed his coat and pulled him towards the bathroom.  
  
“I can clean myself!” Ford insisted.  
  
Mabel giggled and went back to cooking. “Are you excited, Dipper? You're going to be turning eight soon!”  
  
“Oh! My birthday's coming! Really? Wow, that was fast!” Dipper climbed on his chair to look at the calendar.  
  
“I know,k this summer has just been flying by!” Mabel nodded. “So, I was thinking, big year, we should throw a big party to celebrate with everyone here before we go home!”  
  
“Yeah!” Dipper nodded, smiling at her.  
  
Stan came into the room. “Hey, where's Bill and Ford?”  
  
“They're in the shower.” Dipper said, distracted by reading over Mabel's notes.  
  
“T-They're WHAT?!” Stan looked taken aback.  
  
“Bill dragged Ford off to take a shower because he was smelly.” Mabel explained.  
  
“Oh, okay. Well, uh, they might want to get down to the basement. I heard something that sounded like glass cracking when I was down there just now.” Stan headed for the bathroom.  
  
“Glass? Cracking?” Dipper looked up and gasped. “The snowglobe!”  
  
Mabel turned off the stove and hurried to the basement with Dipper. They reached the safe it was kept in and tried to open it, only to find it was securely locked.  
  
“Move aside!” Ford came up behind them, his hair dripping and his clothes looking like he'd put the on while still damp. Bill and Stan came into the basement as he opened the safe and took it out. “Oh no...ohh, this is bad...”  
  
A large crack had formed in the glass of the casing, and they could see the rift inside squirming to get out.  
  
“What are we gonna do?” Stan asked.  
  
“Super glue!” Mabel suggested.  
  
“Duct-tape!” Dipper suggested.  
  
“No, we need something stronger. Something that can withstand space itself.” Bill shook his head.  
  
Ford looked at the rift anxiously and then put it back into the safe. “We'll have to think about what will work. For now, nobody get near that thing, got it?”  
  
“Right.” Bill looked at his hand, which was glowing a bit more than before. “...Shit...” He muttered.  
  
“Bill?” Mabel looked at him.  
  
“We have GOT to get that thing closed up, and quickly.” He showed them his hand. “So, better think of something quick, Sixer. You've spent more time in the Multiverse than I have. I've literally seen, like, two worlds. Maybe three.”  
  
Ford looked thoughtful. “Maybe if we had something from a...spaceship...”  
  
“Spaceship?” Stan laughed. “Where are we gonna get THAT?!”  
  
A glint appeared in Ford's eye and he looked at him. “I know EXACTLY where.” He went to his journal and pulled out it, showing them a page. “Long ago, a UFO arrived in Gravity Falls, crashing through the cliff-side and creating THIS strange-looking setup.” He tapped the page. “Fiddleford and I went into the UFO to get parts for the portal thirty years ago. If were to go there again...”  
  
“I doubt McGucket will do it, but maybe you could take someone else?” Mabel suggested.  
  
Ford nodded. “That's true, he's been pushing it with having the shapeshifter at his home. Stan, perhaps you could--”  
  
“Stan's gonna help me with setting up for the party this weekend! Why not take Bill?” Mabel suggested before Stan could say anything.  
  
“Bill?” Ford looked at him.  
  
“Uh....sure, why not?” Bill shrugged.  
  
“Can I come?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Are you sure this is a good idea, though?” Ford frowned a bit. “That UFO may react to your presence...”  
  
“No more than yours. Actually, my not _really_ being here might work in my favor.” Bill shrugged.  
  
“Pleeeease?” Dipper looked at Mabel.  
  
“Oh...alright. Just don't get in their way, okay? And I'm going to give you a radio to take with you so we can keep in contact. I don't know if cell-phones work down there.” Mabel hugged him.  
  
“Alright. Let's go pack a couple bags. We'll need a magnet-gun...” Ford went to the elevator. “We should bring the rift along, too, to monitor it. And gloves! Thick gloves!”  
  
–  
  
“Alright, that should be enough snacks and water. I also packed a camera, binoculars, and here's the radio.” Mabel clipped the radio to the front strap of his backpack.  
  
“Do we have room for the rift in there?” Bill laughed. “Sixer's is full of weapons.”  
  
“Let's find out.” Mabel walked over to the safe. “The rift, please.”  
  
Ford opened the safe and took out the rift, carefully putting it in where it nestled snugly among all the snacks. “Is Dipper ready?”  
  
“I'm here!” Dipper stepped out of the elevator, wearing a blue and tan outfit that resembled the Boy Scout uniform. “I am ready for adventuring!”  
  
“So you are.” Bill grinned and walked over to adjust Dipper's hat.  
  
“Should I have packed sunscreen?” Mabel looked thoughtful.  
  
“He won't need it.” Ford assured her.  
  
“Alright. I'm trusting you two to keep my brother safe. If he gets hurt, I'm smacking you both.” Mabel said sternly.  
  
“Yes, ma'am.” Bill and Ford said in unison.  
  
“Good. Good luck.” Mabel saluted them, then turned to the elevator. “Now, off to our respective duties!”  
  
Dipper giggled and followed her, Ford and Bill right behind. As they reached the gift shop, they saw Stan, Gideon and Wendy talking by the counter.  
  
“Heeey, Dip, Bill, Stan 2, what's the get-up for?” Wendy asked.  
  
“We're off to save the world!” Dipper said dramatically.  
  
“The snowglobe is cracked, we're going to get something to fix it.” Bill explained.  
  
“Be careful.” Gideon nodded. “I'll be on standby to evacuate people at the first sign of trouble.”  
  
“Here's a hint: If you see a big X in the sky, RUN.” Ford said firmly.  
  
“Noted. Good luck.” Gideon nodded.  
  
“We mean it about the 'be careful' part.” Stan said, walking over and hugging each of them one after the other, starting with Ford and ending with holding Dipper in a tight embrace. “I'm gonna be so worried about you guys.”  
  
“We'll keep in contact.” Bill promised him, heading for the door. “We gotta go, now. The longer that crack is there, the more I can feel myself growing more powerful and that's a _bad sign_.”  
  
Stan reluctantly released Dipper and watched them leave, Ford being the last one out the door. “Hey, uh, L-Lee?”  
  
Ford paused. “Yes, Stan?”  
  
“...Make sure to come back this time, you hear? No more being kidnapped into space.” Stan nodded firmly.  
  
Ford chuckled. “I'll try.” He shut the door and walked out.  
  
Stan turned to Mabel .”Alright...what's on your list?”  
  
Mabel grinned, holding up the notepad. “We have sooooo much to do!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My, my. These two have grown rather close, haven't they?


	139. Unidentified Flying Uh-oh!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're off to fix the rift, off to find a UFO!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Watch your step there. Okay, one more. This one's a bit bigger, so hang onto my hand and one...two..three!” Ford lifted Dipper over the gap between stepping stones. “Not much l9onger now. How are you holding up?”  
  
“I'm doing great!” Dipper grinned and looked behind him, where Bill was distracted by a fish in the river. “Bill, come on!”  
  
“Eh, okay.” He stepped on the stones, joining them shortly. “Flying would've been faster, you know.”  
  
“Let's avoid using your power too much. Just in case of trouble.” Ford said, walking on with Bill and Dipper following.  
  
“Good idea.” Bill nodded as they climbed up a hill. “So? Where is it?”  
  
Ford turned to him. “We're here.”  
  
“Uh...there's nothing here, Ford.” Bill raised an eyebrow.  
  
“Think again. Try using your Sight.” Ford suggested, pointing towards the cliffs. “When were those formed? I did say earlier.”  
  
Bill turned to the cliffs and brought his hands up to his face in a triangle shape, focusing on the history of the cliff's shape. Then he gasped and looked down. “We're ON it?!”  
  
Ford pushed a rock aside and revealed a hatch, which he then opened. “Here we are.”  
  
“Let's go in!” Dipper said, excitedly taking out his camera and taking a picture.  
  
“Camera away, we gotta climb. Not much space to fly with this gap.” Bill took the camera and put it in his bag. “Ford, you go first. Dipper, you next. I'll close the hatch behind us, keep anyone from falling in by accident.”  
  
“Alright.” Ford adjusted his bag and climbed down the ladder. “Wait, wait, wait...okay, now you can come down, Dipper.”  
  
“Slowly, now.” Bill said, helping Dipper inside. “Got the ladder?”  
  
“Uh-huh.” Dipper nodded, climbing down after Ford.  
  
Bill waited until there was more than enough space for him before he climbed in and followed them down, closing the hatch behind him. His body's yellow glow lit up the dark cavernous place as they reached the bottom and he jumped off and flew down below them as soon as he had enough space to.  
  
“Thanks, Bill!” Dipper said as Ford got down and held up his arms to get Dipper down off the ladder. “Whoa...it sure is dark down here. And big!”  
  
“Quietly, now.” Bill coaxed him. “We don't know if there's anything left to wake up, but better safe than sorry. Remember the shapeshifter?”  
  
“Funny enough, I found his egg in here.” Ford commented.  
  
“Whoooooa, really?” Dipper gasped.  
  
“I think they were studying it.” Ford shrugged and walked on. “Come along, then. The adhesive we need is this way.”  
  
“What made the spaceship crash?” Dipper asked as they walked into a brighter-lit area. “The barrier?”  
  
“Well, there's the tricky question. Did its crash cause the Weirdness Barrier, or did the Weirdness Barrier attract it and cause the crash? I've been trying to figure that out for years.”   
  
Bill paused to look at some writing on the wall. “Something escaped...something they were studying. Maybe the Shapeshifter's parent? My guess is that they managed to beat it, but the crash killed them. Maybe the creature they were studying caused the crash.”  
  
“Maybe. Ah, here we are!” Ford ran into the next room, unaware he passed through a dim glowing line of red light.  
  
“Ohh, shapes! These are...uhm...octagons!” Dipper walked over to them and started to reach for one.  
  
“Wait.” Ford grabbed his hand. “We need to be VERY careful with this. We'll use the magnet guns I packed to collect the pieces and then--”  
  
They heard a loud sound and Bill looked over his shoulder to see a round object coming their way. “Ohhh, shoot. We got trouble!”  
  
“Run!” Ford grabbed Dipper and ran through a doorway, Bill following right behind.  
  
“What IS that?!” Dipper asked as they ran.  
  
“A security drone! We must've tripped a silent alarm! I didn't realize they were still active!” Ford explained as they ducked an attack from the drone.  
  
“Well, how do we beat it?” Bill asked.  
  
“Uh, uhm...shoot, what was it...I saw a manual thirty years ago! Something about not showing fear?” Ford held Dipper tighter as another blast fired.  
  
“Right. That should be eas—fuck!” Bill pressed against the wall as the pillar they were hiding behind was fried. “We need to run!”  
  
Ford nodded and picked Dipper up, running for it. The machine gave chase, not letting up in the slightest.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Run, run, run as fast as you can!


	140. A Close Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can Bill, Ford and Dipper beat this alien droid? And can they fix the snowglobe in time? And where will Mabel have her party?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“I need a big place to have a party.” Mabel said thoughtfully, looking over her list. So far, they'd bought presents for Dipper – Stan got Mabel presents while she wasn't looking – and collected party supplies, now they just needed a place, and to send out invitations.  
  
“Well, we've got loads of big spaces in town.” Stan shrugged. “Take your pick.”  
  
“Gideon, where do you think I should have it?” Mabel asked.  
  
“The weather's nice, why not just have it outside?” Gideon suggested. “I'm worried that party set-up might affect the efforts to prepare for the apocalypse.”  
  
“Oh...that's true.” Mabel nodded. “Well, we'll figure that part out later, I guess. Time to go around and make sure people can come! We'll worry about size after that.”  
  
Gideon nodded and smiled. “Shall we take my horse?”  
  
Mabel smiled brightly. “Yes!”  
  
\--  
  
“Okay...I don't think it saw us come in here.” Ford said, the trio having ducked into a side-room and hiding behind a container of some kind.  
  
“How's the rift? We've been doing a lot of jostling around.” Bill opened Dipper's backpack and took out the snow-globe. “Okay, it's still the same as before. Let's hurry back, grab what we need, and get out of here.” He put the rift back into the backpack, making sure it was safe, before closing the pack again.  
  
“Pine Tree, I want you to stand back while we get the stuff, okay? This stuff is dangerous.” Bill said as they left the room and headed back to the octagons.  
  
“I'm lookout?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Yeah, you're lookout. Good idea. Good boy.” Ford said as they re-entered that room and approached the octagons.  
  
“Couldn't we apply it now?” Bill asked.  
  
“No, it's too dark for that. One wrong move and we could break it open.” Ford said, shaking his head. “Besides, we don't have time. That drone could come back any moment.”  
  
“You're right.” Bill powered up the magnet gun.  
  
Ford powered his gun up and started to collect the octagons, putting them into an empty pack he'd packed in his weapons bag.  
  
“Guys, I think I hear it.” Dipper said nervously.  
  
“Hang on, Pine Tree, we're almost done.” Bill told him as they worked.  
  
“Guys!” Dipper shrieked as another drone came from where they'd entered. “There's TWO of them!”  
  
“What?! Shit!” Bill fired the magnet gun at one of the drones, but ended up taking down the doorway instead. Bill looked towards the other doorway. “Can we get out that way?”  
  
“Maybe if we could find an escape pod?” Ford asked, then gasped and shoved Bill out of the way as an arm extended from the drone as it broke in through the damaged doorway.  
  
“Stanford!” Bill cried as Ford was hauled inside the drone and rolled away with it. “Get back here, you stupid thing!” He ran after it, Dipper following right behind.  
  
“Bill! Can't we use fire on it?” Dipper asked.  
  
“No, probably not.” Bill turned and fired the magnet gun at the one coming up behind them. “This might work, though!” He said as the drone stopped short and collapsed. “Assuming I can HIT it this time.” He turned and ran after Ford again.  
  
“Where...is it...taking him?” Dipper asked, quickly running out of breath from all the running.  
  
Bill stopped, picked up Dipper, then flew after it. “Sorry, kid. I don't know, but...what in the Cosmos?!”  
  
Ford was being dragged into some kind of little ship, and then they were seeing what looked like coordinates being displayed on a screen. “Uh...Bill?” Dipper looked at him.  
  
“Bill, just forget about me! You have to make sure the rift doesn't open!” Ford yelled from the ship.  
  
“Oh, hell no. You are NOT taking him away from Stan again!” Bill ran after the ship as it started to take off, the ceiling opening up as he did.  
  
“Bill!” Dipper cried out in worry.  
  
“Hang on, kid! Ugh, I need something better.” Bill looked at his glowing hand and then gripped the magnet gun, focusing his energy on it. The magnet gun changed into a laser-sword and he flew after the departing ship. “I'm taking this thing DOWN!”  
  
“Bill! How did you do that?” Dipper asked.  
  
“I told you, I'm a bit more powerful now. Not really a good thing, but I'm taking advantage of it!” Bill said, flying up so he was alongside the ship. “Stanford! Move to one side!”  
  
“Right!” Ford moved to the far left, gasping as Bill swung the sword down and the laser-blade sliced through the machine. Then he was falling, and Bill quickly flew after him. He clung to the half of the ship he was falling in and looked around anxiously. Was this it for him?  
  
“Hang on, kid!” Bill held out his free hand and a yellow glow appeared around Ford and the half-ship, slowing its descent. “Damn, I need both hands! Unh!” He threw the laser-sword to the side and it changed back into the magnet gun as soon as it left his glowing hand. Then he held out both hands towards Ford, making his descent even slower until he finally stopped on the ground.  
  
“Whoa...” Ford looked around as he crawled out of the ship. “That was...thrilling.”  
  
Bill landed in front of him and set Dipper down before extending a hand to Ford. “Need help up?”  
  
Ford took his hand and stood up. “Thanks.”  
  
Bill grinned. “Aw, what are friends for?”  
  
“Guys?!” Dipper set down his backpack and pulled out the snowglobe, the sound of glass cracking filling the air as he did.  
  
“No!” Bill ran over to take the rift from Dipper before the glass broke, but it burst open and threw both of them backwards.  
  
Ford watched in horror as it fell to the ground and fired a bright, white laser into the sky. “We're too late..”  
  
Above them, a large X had broken open. It swirled red and orange and blue like fire and the sky around it was turning red and spreading out like blood. The wind felt cold and the air felt thick and heavy.  
  
“Ngh...” Bill held his head as his form fizzled from colors to monochrome to colors again and then he was covered in pink organic-looking stuff before it disappeared and he had returned to normal. “No...”  
  
“Bill...are you okay?” Dipper asked, noticing that Bill's voice didn't echo like it usually did.  
  
“No, no, no!” Bill looked up at the X forming in the sky. “Hide. Hide, hide!” He got up and grabbed Dipper and Ford, pulling them behind a boulder and shaping the rock so it was over them a little bit. “Stay here. Please. Just stay. I promise, I'll be back.”  
  
“Bill?” Dipper looked out at the large X in the sky. “That's...her, isn't it?”  
  
Bill looked up at the X and nodded before standing up, adjusting his bowtie and hat, and then walking over to where the giant strangers were landing. Dipper recognized Pyronica, Keyhole, and Pacifier from Tad Strange's descriptions, but he wasn't sure about the rest.  
  
“We failed...” Ford breathed next to him, clenching his fists.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp! Guess they'll die. *shrugs*
> 
> ((A/N: I actually have the entire story written up now, so while it's fun to see people try to guess what happens next or give suggestions, please don't be too disappointed when things are different from canon or your expectations? ;) ))


	141. Enter Pyronica

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pyronica is here and Bill has to keep her distracted long enough for people to evacuate! Kryptos is determined to make sure Bill doesn't get out of this unscathed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

Bill approached the figures, seeing Kryptos doing the same from another direction. That meant he was no longer bound by his deal, he was free to do as he liked. He focused his attention on the leader of the group, Pyronica.  
  
She was just as beautiful as Bill remembered her, all pink and red with a cape that shifted in the wind ever-so-slightly. She surveyed the area with her one eye, until she saw Bill and Kryptos approaching her. “Ah! It's been too long since I saw you!” She said, gleefully kneeling to look at them. “But, why are you so tiny? And in your silly humanoid appearances, too!”  
  
“The humans tend to trust people that look like them. I've been living here ever since I was summoned for a deal, and Tad Strange is also here in human form. More human-looking than even I." Kryptos explained.  
  
“Tad Strange?” Pyronica looked at Bill. “Has he been giving you trouble?”  
  
“No trouble at all.” Bill assured her. “It's good to see you. Why don't you shrink down with us, have a look around?”  
  
“Mm, I do like to examine a cake before I destroy it.” Pyronica giggled and shrank down, the others with her doing the same.  
  
“Pyronica, there's something you should--” Kryptos started to speak.  
  
“You can not imagine the joy I felt when you finally faded away from the throne. I've been waiting and waiting sooo long for you.” Pyronica wrapped her arms around Bill's shoulders and played with his hair. “Thirty years of waiting is just too long.”  
  
“Pyro--” Kryptos tried again.  
  
“Well, come on. Show me the sights!” Pyronica took Bill's hands and led him along. “This place is a lot greener than other worlds I've destroyed.”  
  
“Yeah, it really is.” Bill said, letting her lead him away. He glanced back at the boulder and thought 'Pine Tree, I'll distract them. Once we're gone, go around the other way back to the Shack. Gideon's probably already started evacuation procedures.'  
  
Dipper nodded, anxiously watching as Kryptos hung back with Keyhole and said something to him they couldn't hear. When Keyhole seemed to dismiss it, Kryptos looked frustrated and walked with him back to the group.  
  
“Let's go.” Ford said quietly.  
  
–  
  
“No, you—Bill stopped me from destroying the playhouse.” Kryptos insisted.  
  
“Okay.” Keyhole said, disinterested.  
  
“He stopped me from killing the humans.” Kryptos went on.  
  
“And?” Keyhole looked around as they walked, Bill pointing out different things about this world. Pyronica, like a mother eagerly listening to her son about his bug collection, nodded enthusiastically.  
  
“He sided with Tad Strange, he even said he wouldn't help us get out!” Kryptos said firmly.  
  
“And yet, here he is. The rift is open, he is here to greet us, and he seems happy to see us.” Keyhole pointed out.  
  
“But he--”  
  
“Look, Kryptos, you are always badmouthing Bill Cipher. I don't _care_ about what kind of beef you have with him from your world, but don't bother ME with it.” Keyhole said, his eyes narrowing at him.  
  
Kryptos stopped walking, staring at him in disbelief. “You don't...this isn't about that! This--”  
  
“Oh, be quiet.” Keyhole waved him off.  
  
“Don't worry.” Pacifier walked over to Kryptos. “I believe you. Bill is acting a little TOO friendly, if you ask me. Why would he bother to show us this world, if we're planning to destroy it? His mask will slip soon enough.”  
  
Kryptos sighed. “Yeah...”  
  
“Keyhole doesn't like to get involved in disputes, you know that. You should've come straight to me.” Pacifier told him. “We'll both keep an eye out.”  
  
“I think this counts as more than dispute, it's treason.” Kryptos muttered.  
  
Pacifier looked over his shoulder, seeing a couple figures running from behind a rock and going the other way. “Well...as I said, his mask will come loose soon.”  
  
Kryptos looked behind them, seeing a bit of tan coat as the figures went down the hill. “...Yeah.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keyhole does NOT have time or interest for the Flatlanders' disputes, nope. Screw this crap, he's out.


	142. Unmasked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How long can Bill keep this facade up? Not very long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

Bill noted, with relief, that by the time they reached the town it had been all but cleared of people. There were still a few stragglers around, people waiting for their families to catch up or looking for their families, but it looked like Gideon had been swift and thorough with getting people to the shelters as soon as the X appeared in the sky.  
  
“Not many people around.” Pyronica remarked. “Did you kill 'em?”  
  
“Nah, they're just hiding. You're too beautiful for them to look at.” Bill shrugged.  
  
“Flatterer.” Pyronica giggled.  
  
Pacifier noticed something to the side and nudged Pyronica. “Look, there's a few heading into that building.”  
  
“There's Tad Strange.” Kryptos pointed out.  
  
Tad, Gideon and Mabel were hurrying a group of stragglers into the museum, Mabel helping an old woman up the steps. Stan was coming up with a few more, and that's what caught Pyronica's attention.  
  
“Oh, hello!” She chirped, walking over to him cheerily. “You look like Stanford Pines!”  
  
“Uh...yeah. Who are you?” Stan asked, motioning for the people with him to go on.  
  
“I'm Pyronica. You know, I think you're cuter than him.” She reached up and grabbed his glasses.  
  
“Hey, I need those!” Stan reached for them. She laughed and held them out of his reach, floating backwards.  
  
“Aww, you humans are so cute when you're helpless!” Pyronica tossed the glasses backwards. Bill quickly moved to catch them before they hit the ground. “So, why are you all hiding, hm?”  
  
“Pyronica!” Tad walked over to her. “Leave him alone!”  
  
“Why, Mr. Strange! You look so human!” Pyronica said, smirking a bit. “Not even a little bit like a demon. Why don't you remove your mask? We're going to have a party, and if you behave then you're invited!”  
  
“Time Cop!” Bill looked over to see one of the other, Teeth, had nabbed Blendin. “We got a Time Cop here!” He dragged him over.  
  
“Ugh, a cop. Why are _you_ here?” Pyronica asked, turning and walking to him with her hands on her hips.  
  
“I-I was keeping an eye on Bill Cipher!” Blendin stammered.  
  
“Oh, really? Well, your services...are no longer required.” She raised her hand up, about to snap her fingers.  
  
“'Ronnie! Don't ruin the party with random bloodshed!” Bill flew over and put his hand over hers. “We can just tie him up, okay? We'll kill him after.”  
  
Blendin looked at him concerned.  
  
“Oh...fine. Tie him up.” Pyronica turned back to Tad and the humans. “As for you, well, why don't we have a bit of fun?” She walked over to Tad, and Stan couldn't help but admire her legs.  
  
“I will have no 'fun' with you.” Tad said firmly. “I intend to stop you.”  
  
“Good luck with that, without revealing yourself.” She flicked his nose and Tad growled at her. “Your choice.” She turned back to Stan. “I'm sorry, handsome, I seem to have gotten distracted. Where were we?”  
  
“Get away from him!” Ford ran over, readying his gun as he ran. Dipper ran behind him, trying to keep up.  
  
'Pine Tree.' Bill thought.  
  
“Dipper!” Mabel turned around and ran to him. Gideon let Lazy Susan in the museum and then secured the door.  
  
“Hello, Stanford.” Pyronica greeted. “I haven't seen you since you ran through that portal.” She formed fire in her hands. “We have unfinished business.”  
  
“Leave him alone!” Stan moved between them. Pyronica shoved him to the side with a swift side-kick and moved towards Ford.  
  
“Grunkle Stan!” Dipper knelt next to him as Gideon ran over to check on him as well.  
  
Pacifier glanced at Bill, noticing that he was clenching his fists tightly, his body shaking. 'It seems his mask is slipping.' He thought.  
  
Ford fired at Pyronica, but she dodged and it nearly hit Stan, instead. “Don't hurt my brother!”  
  
“Worry more about yourself.” Pyronica nodded to the others. “Come on, guys. Let's have some fun with these _slaves_.”  
  
“Can we eat any of them?” Teeth asked, rubbing his hands together.  
  
“Eat whoever you like. This place is going down anyway.” She raised a hand full of fire to attack Ford. “Let's get this party started!”  
  
“NO!”  
  
Everyone stopped short as Bill's voice echoed through the empty town. Pyronica slowly lowered her hand and turned to Bill, everyone else turning their eyes to him. Gideon and Ford took advantage of the distraction and moved Stan towards the door.  
  
“No?” Pyronica asked. “What do you mean 'no'?”  
  
“I've been trying to tell you--” Kryptos started.  
  
“I mean...I'm done. I'm done killing, I'm done with crime. This is my new home, and you're not going to destroy it, or harm anyone in this town.” Bill said, his body shaking with rage.  
  
A few humans looked out of their homes that they had been hiding in, some even coming outside to see what was going on.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Harold, the cat's out of the bag!  
> Bill gave Stan back his glasses while Pyronica was distracted.


	143. Choose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Freaks try to change Bill's mind with the only thing he seems to understand anymore...singing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD
> 
> ((A/N: Featuring the ONLY original insert song in this whole fic! I'll do a recording of it when I get a better microphone.))

“You're...done?” Keyhole looked at him, tilting his head a bit.  
  
“And when were you planning to tell us this?” Pacifier asked, smirking a bit.  
  
“Just...just go back through the rift, or through a portal or something, because I'm not letting you mess with this town. Why...why would you WANT to, anyway? It's so simple! So...so innocent! These guys barely realize the Multiverse exists!”  
  
Pyronica exchanged amused expressions with Pacifier and Keyhole. “Why, it's Stockholm Syndrome, that's what this is! He's been a captive here so long, he thinks he BELONGS here!”  
  
Bill frowned. “I DO belong here.”  
  
The other demons laughed and Pyronica walked over and stroked Bill's cheek with a finger. “Poor little Billy, you've been hurt so much! But, now that we're here, we'll make them all pay for what they did to you.” She cooed.  
  
“They haven't done _anything_ to me.” Bill said firmly. “Just leave them alone, Pyronica!” He punctuated her name by slapping her hand away from his cheek.  
  
“Leave them alone?” She tsk'd. “Bill Cipher, when have we EVER left anything alone? Your world was just one of _trillions_ we have destroyed. And why do we do it? For fun!”  
  
“Fun?” Bill frowned. “You think this is FUN?! I've been having _more_ fun here, with _them_ , then I EVER had while killing people and destroying things with _you_! What you have isn't FUN, it's...it's PSYCHOTIC!”  
  
Pyronica raised her eyebrow. “Are you kidding me right now?” She laughed a bit. “Come on, Cipher, don't have a cow. This is what we do! Come on, let me demonstrate it to you.” She placed her hand on his shoulder and turned towards the crowd. To Bill's surprise, she started to sing.  
  
“ _Look at all the people gathered around; most of them too terrified to make a sound._ ” She sang, chuckling a bit. “ _But you know what would be really neat? How about we TURN UP THE HEAT?_ ” She snapped her fingers and fires started to sprout up around the buildings and terrified humans.  
  
“Pyronica!” Bill protested. Keyhole and Pacifier stayed close, while the other demons stepped back and started to talk amongst each other. The humans were trapped, Pyronica was singing - dinner and a show! A few of them, those with hands, started to rhythmically snap their fingers.  
  
“ _You know you don't belong here, this isn't your home._ ” Pyronica coaxed him. “ _Let's set fire and cause pain, dear, then run off and roam._ ” She stepped forward and then turned to face him. “ _I can't believe that you would just slap away my hand. Well, I think it's time I forced your silly dreams to land!_ ” She shoved him lightly and he just crossed his arms in response.  
  
“ _Come on now, you used to be a king._ ” Pyronica pleaded.  
  
“ _Even if not a good one._ ” Pacifier and Keyhole sang in unison.  
  
“ _You used to cause such pain and not feel a thing._ ” Pyronica reminded him, touching his chest. Bill swatted her hand away before crossing his arms again.  
  
“ _We'd wreck 'til everyone's gone._ ” Pacifier and Keyhole sang wistfully.  
  
“ _But, now you stand between us and them._ ” Pyronica shook her head, sighing. “ _Cipher, you've gone off the deep end!_ ” She sang, Pacifier and Keyhole joining in.  
  
“This is ridiculous! It's _one_ _stupid planet,_ why are you so hung up on it? Just get lost! Go away! I'm done with you!” Bill turned away from her to find himself face-to-face with Pacifier now.  
  
“ _Come on, Cipher, don't be a dick._ ” Pacifier shoved him, harder than Pyronica did, and Bill stumbled back to keep from falling. “ _It's really not a hard choice, just go ahead and pick. You've planned this party for so many years. Foolish child, dry your silly tears._ ” He mockingly brushed an imaginary tear from Bill's face and Bill angrily smacked his hand away.  
  
“Did you just call me a child? Really?” Bill snapped.  
  
“Well, you're acting like a spoiled brat. All we've done for you, and you want to be with these pathetic, tiny-lifespan _slaves_ instead of _us_?” Pacifier laughed before he continued singing. “ _You know that you'll outlive them, and then you'll be alone. And we won't ever take you back until you've atoned._ ” He shrugged, chuckling,. “ _But, let's not be dramatic, it doesn't_ _ **have**_ _to come to that. Just give this all up now, there's no need to be a brat!_ ”  
  
“You...” Bill growled, then gasped when Pyronica wrapped her arms around him from behind.   
  
“ _Come on now, you used to be a king._ ” She coaxed him. Bill ignored her, glaring at Pacifier.  
  
“ _Time to get your head straight._ ” Pacifier and Keyhole sang in unison.  
  
“ _You used to cause such pain and not feel a thing._ ” Pyronica held Bill a bit tighter.  
  
“ _You know, before it's_ _ **too late**_ **.** ” Pacifier and Keyhole sang warningly.  
  
“ _And still you stand between us and them?_ ” Pyronica turned Bill to face her, staring into his eye.   
  
“ _Cipher, you've gone off the deep end!_ ” They sang in unison as Bill pulled away from her, twirling a bit before he fell at Keyhole's feet.  
  
Keyhole knelt down and grabbed Bill's hand, pulling him to his feet. “ _You can't bring back what you have lost._ ” He sang, shaking his head. “ _And to replace him? Wow. And what great cost!_ ” He reached up and touched Bill's head comfortingly. “ _Cipher, I know you still have some sense in there. Think about it..._ ”  
  
Bill tensed at his touch, eye widening, as Keyhole continued. “ _Does your lost brother even care?_ ”  
  
Bill pulled free of him and walked backwards slowly as Pyronica chimed in. “ _It's not too late, we can still create our Utopia. Our dreams can still come true!_ ”   
  
“ _It's time for you to make a choice._ ” Pacifier sang firmly. “ _Be smart, kid, and don't raise your voice._ ”  
  
Bill stopped between them all and Pyronica approached him, taking off her cape. “ _Come on, now, you used to be a king._ ” She coaxed, wrapping her cape around his shoulders.  
  
“ _Would you rather be a pauper?_ ” Pacifier and Keyhole asked as Bill shrugged off the cape.  
  
“ _You used to cause such pain and not feel a thing._ ” Pyronica sighed and put her cape back on.  
  
“ _If so, we'll surely make you suffer._ ” Pacifier and Keyhole sang aggressively. Bill glared at them, but said nothing.  
  
“ _How could you ever choose to be with them?_ ” Pyronica implored.  
  
“ _Cipher, you've gone off the deep end!_ ” They sang together as Keyhole and Pacifer started to circle the two.  
  
“ _Cipher, on you it all depends!_ ” They sang as they moved closer to him.  
  
“ _Cipher, it's time for you to choose._ ” They sang as they stood around him, trapping him in.  
  
“ _Cipher, do you really want to lose?_ ” They sang, Bill closing his eye silently.  
  
They stepped back, letting him have his personal space back. “So, choose.” Pyronica said firmly. “Us or them?”  
  
“I think you already know the answer to that question.” Bill snapped his fingers and the fire dropped around the trapped humans. “Tad, I'm going to need some help.”  
  
Tad nodded, releasing his human disguise and looking more demonic. “Anything you need.” He glanced at Gideon, who was using a potion on Stan to accelerate his body's natural healing ability.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nope, didn't work. Bill's gonna protect his family!


	144. Let's Play a Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill's ready to fight, but Pyronica's got other plans!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“So it's come down to a fight, has it?” Pyronica yawned. ”Oh, too boring.” She grew into a larger size, the other demons doing the same, and Bill and Tad stepped back to avoid being squished. “Let's play a game! Kryptos, which human does he care about the most?”  
  
“Ohh, that would be 'Pine Tree'. The little boy in the hat.” Kryptos said eagerly.  
  
“Good.” She grinned and looked at the crowd. “Oh, _Pine Tree_ ~!”  
  
“Don't call him that!” Bill snapped as Dipper looked up in surprise.  
  
“There you are, you little _sweet_ thing. Wanna go on a trip?” She knelt down.  
  
“Dipper, don't.” Mabel said firmly, holding onto him.  
  
“That's okay, sweet stuff. You can come, too.” Pyronica did a beckoning motion and they were surrounded in a pink aura.  
  
“No!” Ford tried to grab them, but they floated out of reach too quick.  
  
“What are you planning?!” Bill asked, floating up to be eye-level with her.  
  
“Keyhole, would you be a dear and open the door?” Pyronica asked, ignoring Bill's question.  
  
“Pyronica!” Bill flew over to the pink aura around Dipper and Mabel, but was pushed away harmlessly. “Damn it! Pyronica, no, they're just kids!”  
  
“You should've thought of THAT before deciding to turn on me!” She flicked her wrist and the kids flew straight into Keyhole's forehead, where a portal had opened up in the opening. “Kryptos, go with them.”  
  
Kryptos shrank down and flew in after them. Pyronica then looked at Bill. “Here's the game: if you love them soooo much, then you'll have no trouble rescuing them.”  
  
“K-Kids?” Stan said, having woken up just in time to see them be thrown in.  
  
Bill frowned. “But, that would—”  
  
“Leave your town defenseless? Why, don't you have faith in these humans? Play the game, or never see your precious _Pine Tree_ again.” Pyronica said firmly.  
  
Bill flew down to the others. “Ford, Stan, I have no choice, I gotta go in there. Can you--”  
  
“We're going in there.” Stan said, getting up.  
  
“Leave it to us, you fight them.” Ford said, nodding firmly.  
  
“Bill HAS to go, or you automatically lose the game.” Pyronica said firmly.  
  
“I'll fight.” Gideon stood up. “I've been preparing, all they need is my signal. Even Shifty's ready to fight.”  
  
“I'll give you two more to help.” Bill snapped his fingers and Giffany and Rumble McSkirmish glitched into real life. “Hey, Rumble! I KNOW that these guys have killed somebody's father before. Actually, I think they killed mine.”  
  
“RAAAAAAAAAH! YOU. KILLED. HIS. FATHERRRRRRRRR!” Rumble ran at the demons, Giffany following right behind him throwing fireballs and giggling.  
  
“Wow.” Gideon looked at Tad. “Will you stay and help?”  
  
“Of course.” Tad nodded. “Be quick, you three.”  
  
“As quick as we can.” Bill grabbed Ford and Stan and flew into the portal in Keyhole's head.   
  
Gideon nodded and ran off to let off the planned signal. Once the magical symbol was in the air, he opened the ring dimension and let Midna fly out. “Shifty! Copy her and fly!” He yelled. The shapeshifter came out of hiding and changed form, flying up to join Midna and blast fire at the demons. I wouldn't do much, but it would at least distract them long enough for the cavalry to arrive. He only hoped they could hold out long enough for Bill to get back.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to go into Keyhole's nightmareish subdimension!


	145. What do you fear?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After going through Keyhole's portal, Stan, Ford and Bill find themselves in a maze of nightmares, with no sign of the kids or Kryptos!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Great. It HAD to be a maze.” Stan cringed.  
  
“That's odd. Normally this dimension takes the shape of a nightmare the victim has. Their worst fear.” Bill frowned. “But, Pine Tree and Mabel aren't afraid of mazes, and neither are you and I. So, who...?” He looked to the side and saw Ford huddled in a ball. “...It's yours?”  
  
“So many dead-ends...lost...we'll never get out...” Ford whimpered. “I want to go home...”  
  
Stan sighed. “Great...I thought he was over this. When we were kids, our parents got tickets to a carnival, so they took us. There was a maze there, and Ford got lost for hours before a staff member was finally able to locate him for us.”  
  
Bill walked over and knelt next to Ford. “Hey...it's okay. We're gonna get through this, alright? Do you know the rule about mazes?”  
  
Ford rubbed at his eyes. “W-What?”  
  
“  Place your right hand on the wall to your right and start walking, keeping your right hand on the wall. When you come to a turn, turn and slide your right hand along the wall as you turn. And if you're going the other way, go left instead of right.” He offered him a hand. “Come on, we'll get through this. Work with me.”  
  
Ford nodded and took his hand, getting up. “I'm sorry, that was...very childish of me.”  
  
“Hey, we all have our fears.” Bill shrugged.  
  
“What's yours?” Stan asked.  
  
“Uh, VERY bad place to talk about that. Any other fears we have just might manifest, so let's not give Keyhole any ideas. Man, I forgot he was such a dick.” Bill cringed.  
  
They walked along the wall, Bill keeping his hand on it as they walked to find any openings. Ford gripped his arm tightly, and then jolted when something went by in front of them. “What was that?!” Ford cried.  
  
“I...have no clue. Just to be safe, let's avoid going after anything.” Stan suggested.  
  
“Good idea. It's possible it was one of our, or the kids', fears manifested.” Bill said, focusing his attention on the wall.  
  
“So...you ever been in here?” Stan asked.  
  
“No, I've just...heard stories. Usually from Keyhole.” Bill replied. “Most of his...victims...are too traumatized to talk about what he made them see. Even Kryptos won't talk about it. Beats me what HE'S afraid of.”  
  
“Wait, do you hear something?” Stan asked.  
  
They rounded the corner and what looked like flyers or something were just flying around in midair, blocking the path. There were also several face-down on the floor. Bill walked over and picked one of the ones on the ground and his face went red and then pale. “No..” He grabbed another and then another before just setting fire to them, but they wouldn't burn, why wouldn't they burn?! Did Keyhole know? Did he _ actually _ know, or was Bill's mind manifesting this? Was  _ Keyhole _ the one who...no, he wouldn't! It had to have been someone else! He frantically gathered up and burned the pictures, only for more to appear. He had to get rid of them, he couldn't let them see, couldn't let ANYONE see! He started hyperventilating, tears slipping down his cheeks as he was reminded again and again of that horrible night he couldn't remember fully but desperately wanted to forget.  
  
“Bill!” Stan grabbed him and pulled him to his feet. “It's just an illusion, it's not real! Ford, don't you DARE pick that up!”  
  
Ford moved away from one of the flyers he was about to grab. “Right, sorry. Worst fears. Doesn't want us to know, probably.”  
  
“Bill, Bill, look at me. Bill, it's not real. You're okay.” Stan held him close. “Come on, let's keep going. Away from this...mess.”  
  
Ford nodded and they left, Stan coaxing Bill comfortingly as they went. He took a look back at the flyers and for a bit he glimpsed a picture of Bill half-dressed. Blushing, he decided to put it out of his mind and hurried on after the other two. Strange, he was less afraid of the maze when he had Bill's fears to worry about.  
  
They finally stopped hearing the flyers and Stan sat Bill down against the wall. “Are you going to be okay?” He asked, looking at him intently.  
  
“Bill?” Ford knelt next to him as well, reaching up to wipe away Bill's tears. “Was...was it that bad?”  
  
Bill silently nodded.  
  
“What happened?” Ford asked.  
  
“Kryptos...did something horrible to me.” Bill looked at him with pleading eyes. “I-I can't...don't ask me...”  
  
“Okay.” Ford nodded. “Well, we're going to go and kick the ever-loving Cosmos out of his ass, don't you worry.” He gently patted his shoulder. “The kids need us, though. We have to go. Can you make it?”  
  
Bill nodded, slowly getting up. “Y-Yeah...I can make it.”  
  
“Good.” Ford nodded. “You'll be okay.”  
  
As they headed off, Ford thought of what Bill had said and the half-dressed picture of Bill and his mind put two and two together...and he saw  **red** . Ohhh, Kryptos was going DOWN.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bill is really not okay.


	146. What Makes You Weak?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still stuck in the maze, but, hey, we found a door! And...trauma.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“This maze has been going on forEVER...” Stan groaned.  
  
“At least we haven't seen anything TOO horrifying.” Ford offered.  
  
“Speak for yourself.” Bill commented.  
  
“The hallway of ladders freaked me out. Especially when we had to go UNDER one.” Stan shuddered.  
  
“Look, there's a door.” Bill opened it, but all they saw on the other side was more maze. “...I guess we keep going.”  
  
“This is like a really twisted Mindscape.” Ford commented.  
  
“Well, Keyhole works with the mind, just as I do. He's just, uh, naturally able to do it, and I...was given power. Which makes him more powerful than me and why has me not beaten me up for bossing him around up until now? Does he like being bossed around? Does he get off on it?” Bill shrugged. “I honestly don't know what's in this guy's mind.”  
  
“Well, we went through a door. That means there's new stuff here, right?” Stan asked.  
  
“Yeah...probably. No point in a door if it's the same thing.” Bill shrugged.  
  
They saw a figure up ahead and Stan and Ford both tensed up when they recognized the man in a suit and hat, sunglasses glinting in a sinister way. “Okay...what exactly are we dealing with here?”  
  
“Who are you trying to fool?” The man asked gruffly. “You think that you can _save_ anyone? You're weak, you've always been weak. And you drag everyone down with your weakness.”  
  
“What is this?” Ford frowned. “Why would you say that? You're our father, you're support to support us!”  
  
“ _Support you_?” The man laughed coldly. “I didn't even WANT you!”  
  
“Ouch.” Bill cringed.  
  
“You're both mistakes, and you've made mistakes of your lives since the moment you were born! You threw away a perfectly good education on supernatural rubbish! And you! You're just relying on everyone else to let you ride through life, aren't you? If I hadn't thrown you out, you'd still be clinging to your brother, riding on his coattails, or leading him off into a disastrous future!” Their father continued, ignoring Stan's winces and Ford's cringes.  
  
“That's not true! I would've been great! Y-You all were the ones who said I was good for nothing, and I was stupid enough to believe it!” Stan stepped forward. “If you and the the school faculty hadn't--”  
  
“THERE YOU GO AGAIN, BLAMING OTHERS FOR YOUR PROBLEMS!” Their father roared. “And don't you DARE talk back to me again, you pathetic waste of air!”  
  
“D-Dad...” Stan stammered.  
  
“Leave him alone!” Ford moved between them. “How could you say all those things? Didn't you love us at all?”  
  
“Love a freak like you, and a pathetic waste of space like him? Hah! You two were just mouths to feed that I had to deal with! Your mother and older brother were the only reasons I didn't throw you both out on the streets sooner!”  
  
“I don't think this is worst fears.” Bill frowned. “You never had any fear of your father not loving you, either of you. I've been in both your minds.”  
  
“Then, what IS this?” Stan asked.  
  
“...I'm not sure...” Bill shook his head. “Let's move on. It's just an illusion, he can't do anything to us besides talk. Shake it off.”  
  
“Yeah...” Stan stepped to the side, Ford walking with him.  
  
“Yeah, that's all you've ever been able to do. Run away and cry.” Their father jabbed at them. “You're weak! You've always been weak! And you're incapable of doing anything by yourselves!”  
  
“Let's just keep walking.” Bill told them.  
  
“You can't save anyone!” The illusion yelled after them as they walked away.  
  
“That was unpleasant.” Ford cringed.  
  
“And we're just getting started.” Bill sighed.  
  
They walked on through the maze, but they didn't see anything else after Stan and Ford's father. Then, after a while of walking, they saw a trail of books on the ground.  
  
“What the?” Stan picked one of the books up. “Uh...I can't read this.”  
  
Bill picked a book up and gasped, dropping it. “It's..from MY world...”  
  
“Weird. So, this is your whatever-this-is?” Stan asked.  
  
Bill nodded. “I guess so. But...what does Keyhole have planned for me?” He walked on, following the trail of books, until he stopped short. There, mangled and bruised, was a gray lopsided triangle with one eye, two arms and two legs. Bill gasped in horror and ran over to it, kneeling beside the poor shape. “Oh no...”  
  
“Billy...?” The triangle said weakly.  
  
“Liam...” Bill looked at him, tears slipping down his cheeks. “Oh, Liam..I'm so sorry, I failed to stop them...I failed to come back in time, and they...they took you away...”  
  
“You...were never very...punctual.” The triangle chuckled sadly. “You've...grown.”  
  
“Liam?” Stan frowned.  
  
“Didn't he name one of the dinosaurs that?” Ford asked him.  
  
“Billy...I...will always love you.” Liam reached up to touch Bill's cheek. “But, I gotta...I gotta go...”  
  
“No..no!” Bill held onto him tighter. “No, Liam, stay with me! Stay with me, damn it! Liam! Liam, please!”  
  
“Bill...we have to go.” Stan walked over to him.  
  
“No! I won't leave Liam!” Bill shoved him back, tears slipping down his cheeks and onto the silent triangle. “I'm not going anywhere!”  
  
Ford walked over and moved in front of him, grabbing onto his shoulders. “Dipper could DIE if you don't!”  
  
Bill gasped, his eyes widening. “Pine Tree...” He looked down at the illusion in his arms and slowly set him down. “Y-You're right...this is just...just an illusion. Pine Tree is in real danger. Liam is...is gone...” He started to sob. “He's gone, and I couldn't do anything! I couldn't do anything!” He clung to Ford, sobbing into his chest.  
  
“Who...Who was Liam?” Stan asked as Ford attempted to comfort Bill like he had seen Stan do.  
  
“Liam...was my older brother. An Irregular...he was taken away by the government of my world and...killed. That's what inspired me to study hard, become a revolutionary, and...see the Colors he dreamed so much to see. Which led to me going to Space Prison but, hey, I SAW them. And then...I never left them.” Bill looked at the mangled body. “...I just...wish Liam had seen them, too.”  
  
“So, what were we dealing with here? Because there's the next door.” Stan pointed to it.  
  
“Uhm...I'm...not sure.” Bill admitted. “Let's just...go on.” He walked to the door, rubbing at his eye.  
  
“Are you sure?” Ford asked. “The next section might be worse.”  
  
“I can't fail Pine Tree like I failed Liam.” Bill said firmly. “No more being late.”  
  
“Alright. Onwards.” Stan nodded, opening the door and stepping inside.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What could be behind THIS door?


	147. KeyithHolet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beyond the door is another human! Or, is he? Turns out, Bill's friends have really crazy secrets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

This next room was just that. A big...empty...room. There was no other door, and Bill was about to close the door when they saw a dark-skinned young man with short, blue hair dressed in a teal shirt and blue overalls standing against one of the walls. “Uh...what?” He looked at Stan and Ford. “Do you know that guy?”  
  
“No.” Ford shook his head.  
  
“Never seen him.” Stan shrugged.  
  
“Okay, let's find out who he is.” Bill stepped in, the others following. As soon as they did, though, the door closed behind them and vanished, the walls suddenly changing frequently to show their different reactions to what they had seen in the maze. “What is this?!”  
  
“I must admit, I did not expect such a small thing to be your worst fear.” The young man said, drawing their attention back to him. “I was honestly expecting it to be the death of Pine Tree. Ah, sorry, his name is Dipper Pines, isn't it? No, wait, it's Mason. Mason Pines.”  
  
“Who are you? How do you know that?” Stan demanded.  
  
“My name is Keith. Keith Holt.” The young man looked up at them and smiled, a mischievous glint in his teal eyes. “This is my mind, and I'm seeing into yours. That's how I know.”  
  
“No, that's impossible. You're _human_ , you...” Bill frowned, noticing a familiar-looking marking under the dark-skinned man's eyes. “...You...”  
  
“Only internally. I haven't been human for a lifetime.” “Keith Holt” shrugged. “I was Keith Holt for about, oh, 27 years and then I was killed and became Keyhole.”  
  
“Wait...what?” Bill looked flabbergasted. “You're Keyhole?!”  
  
Their host rolled his eyes, as if annoyed by the question. “Yes, genius. Reincarnation. Now can we move on? You're dragging down the show with your disbelief.”  
  
“Move on, how? There's no door.” Stan gestured around them.  
  
“You haven't earned one yet. Let's review your responses to each time you confronted an obstacle. In the first section, you ducked, dodged, and covered your eyes and ears after the first one. Ah, wait, second one. The first one you barely even noticed. That was my bad execution.” Keyhole walked over to the images on the wall. “In order to access the next section, you have to _face_ your fear.”  
  
“Meaning?” Ford asked.  
  
“Well, you've been doing a pretty good job with the maze fear, but you ran from your father. Those two in the previous room were your deep-rooted fears, things you aren't even _aware_ of. Bill subconsciously feared seeing his brother's mangled body. You two subconsciously fear your father. So, that's one point for Bill, and Stanford gets a point for the maze. I'll also give Stanley a point, for the ladders. But, it's time to face your biggest fears _properly_.”  
  
He snapped his fingers and the images stopped on the one with their father on one wall and the flyers on the other. “So, gentlemen, which shall we start with?”  
  
“How am I supposed to face THAT?” Bill gestured to the flyers.  
  
“Figure it out. It's YOUR fear. I'm just making you face it. Otherwise, you're not leaving here and Pyronica will win.” Keyhole said with a smile.  
  
“Why are you doing this? Why do you want to hurt us so badly?” Ford asked.  
  
“I don't. I don't really care, to be honest. But, Pyronica says to torture you, so I torture you. Now, decide or I'll decide for you. Whichever you pick first, the victim may not be able to help with the other one.” Keyhole warned them, leaning against the empty wall.  
  
“...I'll go first.” Bill said after swallowing nervously.  
  
“Good luck. The illusion will continue until you figure out how to face your fear.” Keyhole walked over and tapped the wall, the flyers coming out of it and spilling all over the floor.  
  
“Do we get a hint?” Ford asked.  
  
“Uh, no. The only hints you'll find is to think about the foundations of your fear.” Keyhole sighed. “Oops, you just got a hint anyway.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What does he have in store for them?
> 
> ((A/N: Look, a picture! http://zonerobotnik.tumblr.com/post/164060696032/okay-so-this-is-kind-of-a-big-spoiler-for-chapter ))


	148. That Miserable Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's never easy, is it? Keyhole decides to make things eve more difficult for Bill!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“The foundation of my fear...” Bill bit his lip, looking at the flyers. “...Is for people to...see it. To know...what happened. It's...” He clenched his fists. “D-Damn it!”  
  
“Do you know what to do?” Keyhole asked.  
  
“Sh-Shut up!” Bill grabbed one of the flyers and handed it to Stan, then another to Ford. He didn't even look at what was on them.  
  
“Yech, you _kissed_ that guy?” Stan asked.  
  
“Wow, you are so drunk.” Ford commented.  
  
“The flyers are still here...why?” Bill looked at Keyhole.  
  
“Let me make it easier for you.” Keyhole sighed. “I'm getting bored of this, honestly. You're taking so long.” The flyers suddenly all fell to the ground at their feet.  
  
“What?” Bill looked confused.  
  
Keyhole gestured to the pile. “Figure it out.”  
  
Bill knelt down and picked up the pictures. “No...you're not saying..I have to show ALL of them?!”  
  
“Oh, I know! Let's see if you guys can uncover them in chronological order!” Keyhole clapped his hands and the pictures left their hands as they all lay on the floor next to each other, face-down. “Every time you get it out of order, the game will reset. Better make sure you have a good memory!” He said cheerfully.  
  
“I thought you said you were bored of this, that you didn't want to do it?” Stan asked.  
  
“Nah, I just decided I'm actually mad enough at Bill to torment him for a while. I wonder how long your little wizard friend will hold out?” Keyhole leaned against the wall. “Good luck. You better sear those images and the order you need to flip them into your mind if you want to pass this challenge.”  
  
“....You're actually a bastard, aren't you?” Bill muttered, reaching for one. When it didn't move, he went on to another until he found one that flipped over finally. It was of Bill at the party, chatting it up with Pyronica and Pacifier about something. “Okay...one down...” He looked at the pictures. “...Way too many to count.”  
  
“There's 35. Five rows of seven.” Keyhole said, chuckling a bit. “Oh, do you have your work cut out for you.”  
  
Bill touched another one and the first one flipped over. “...Not that one, then.”  
  
“Bill, how can we help?” Ford asked.  
  
“Memorize where the previous ones are, and help me flip them back over when I touch the wrong one.” Bill glared at Keyhole. “You're actually enjoying this.”  
  
“Well, you _did_ boss me around a lot. You mistake my patience with a spoiled child for sexual pleasure at being treated like garbage.” Keyhole said pointedly.  
  
“...Right. You heard that, huh?” Bill sighed.  
  
“Yes, I heard everything you said. I even heard your thoughts.” Keyhole stepped away from the wall and knelt across from them by the pictures. “It wasn't me. I knew about it, I did nothing to stop it, but it wasn't my idea. Pretty sure everyone but Pyronica knew about it.”  
  
Bill tensed up, his eye widening, before he looked at him. “You KNEW?!”  
  
“Everyone but Pyronica thought you were a little bitch that needed to be put in his place.” Keyhole shrugged. “I won't say whose idea it was, but we all agreed you needed to be brought down a peg or two.”  
  
“You bastard!” Bill stood up.  
  
“You're wasting time. The wizard boy will lose if you don't leave here. Finish the puzzle.” Keyhole stood up and walked back over to the wall. “You can call me names all you want, but you have to finish this and show your new friends what you NEVER wanted to be known if you want to get out of here. And we also have their fears to play with, that's going to be fun.”  
  
“Plural?” Bill frowned. “Wasn't there just one?”  
  
“Ah, no. You outran Stanley's big fear. I guess you were just too excited to get to the door.” Keyhole hummed.  
  
“...Great.” Bill focused on the pictures, flipping over another one. Stan and Ford noted where that one was, and Ford even grabbed a notepad from his pocket and made a diagram, writing numbers on the cards that were already flipped over.  
  
“You're not going to change the order on us, are you?” Stan asked.  
  
“Of course not, I'm not THAT cruel. I want to get out of here sometime too, you know.” Keyhole rolled his eyes.  
  
They continued flipping pictures, having to redo them several times until they finally flipped them all. By the time they finished, Bill was feeling like he was going to be sick, tears slipping down his cheeks as he fought back the blurry audio memories that the flyers didn't contain. Stan and Ford were both mutually ready to tear Kryptos, Keyhole, and anyone else involved to pieces.  
  
“Who knew you could be such a sex kitten?” Keyhole remarked as the flyers finally vanished.  
  
Bill stood up, furious. “And I had no idea you were such a creep!”  
  
“Please, give me _some_ credit. All I said was that messing with you was a good idea. It was someone else that decided HOW it would go.” Keyhole shrugged. “Anyways, which shall we do next? Stanley? Or Stanford?”  
  
Bill wiped at his eyes, blinking back tears. “All of them knew...everyone but Pyronica...and they just let him..let him whisk me away and...do that to me...”  
  
“Cipher!” Keyhole clapped his hands. “Pay attention! Decide amongst yourselves or I'll decide for you!”  
  
“Which is less traumatizing?” Stan asked.  
  
“Probably your father.” Keyhole grinned a bit.  
  
“We'll do him next, then.” Stan said firmly.  
  
“Ah, save the worst for last. Alright.” He touched the wall that Filbrick Pines was on and clapped his hands. “Let's get this show on the world. How will you face your innate fear of your father? On what foundation does that fear stand?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See, Bill? This is why you should be careful of what you say.


	149. Father

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Bill still recovering from the flyers, it's time for Ford to face his own innate fear of his father.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

Stan and Ford stood across from their father, Bill standing nearby. There was a tense silence in the room, almost suffocating, as the three Pines waited for the first one to make their move. Filbrick Pines was staring them down, almost _daring_ them to say anything to him.  
  
“Wow, this is so exciting. I think I'm going to vomit from the excitement of your staring contest. Do you NOT want to leave here?” Keyhole said dryly before he rolled his eyes. “Filbrick, just start talking.” He snapped his fingers.  
  
Filbrick finally opened his mouth. “What are those expressions for? Do you DARE show your father such disrespect? Glaring at me, like you deserve such a luxury? You're both ungrateful little brats!”  
  
“Us, ungrateful? You never knew what you had!” Ford snapped. “You treated Stan and I horribly, called him weak and me a freak! I know that you didn't actually _want_ us, but guess what? You should've had better protection, because if you have sex you get kids! Simple math!”  
  
“As soon as Shermy left to go to college, you got even worse! Mom could barely keep you in line, you were that bad! And you wondered why we didn't get many customers? Maybe because people could hear you yelling at your kids? You're lucky no one called the cops on you!” Stan stepped closer to Filbrick. “Were you this abusive to Shermy? Is that why he rarely came home? Did you not want him, either, think he's a failure?! Well, guess what! The only reason your kids are failures is because YOU are a failure of a FATHER!”  
  
“You...” Filbrick clenched his fists.  
  
“I what?” Stan challenged.  
  
“I don't want to hear about being a failure from a punk kid that could never do anything by himself!” Filbrick snapped.  
  
“I was NEVER a failure!” Stan cried. “Everyone your age called me one, but I was not a failure! You just kept raising the fucking BAR! It's impossible to reach your expectations, much less surpass them, when you keep moving the goalposts, you sick bastard!”   
  
“Yeah, Stan, you tell him!” Bill cheered.  
  
“You were never satisfied with our decisions! No matter what we chose to do, how we chose to live our life, you were never satisfied! Never impressed! We got trophy after trophy, all to impress you, and you just shrugged it off and said that they were pointless if they didn't get you money! Money isn't everything!” Ford stepped forward. “There are things more important than money! You didn't marry our mother for money, didn't you? At one time, you had a heart!”  
  
“Nothing is more important than money.” Filbrick growled. “Money brings security, money ensures you never want for anything!”  
  
“Love is more important! No matter what, even if you have nothing else, if you have your loved ones with you then you still have something great!” Stan argued.  
  
“Don't talk back to me! You know NOTHING about the world! Still lost in your pathetic fantasies about sailing off to find treasure. No matter how much you try to deny it, I know you still dream of that ocean! Will there be room for your loved ones on that boat with you? You'll never have room for treasure!”  
  
“Then I'll skip out on treasure so I can adventure with my loved ones!” Stan insisted.  
  
“You're a giant fool!” Filbrick swung his fist.  
  
“Stan!” Ford moved to block it, but Stan was already moving, catching Filbrick's fist in his palm.  
  
“I may be a fool...but at least I have friends and family who LOVE me!” Stan swung his free hand and punched Filbrick, knocking him back into the wall. “And right now, they need me! Get out of my way, I'm not afraid of you anymore!”  
  
“And neither am I.” Ford walked over and grabbed Filbrick's shirt collar, pulling him up. “As far as I'm concerned, you can just disappear. Because, guess what? The only one that EVER dragged me down...was you.”  
  
Filbrick reached up and wiped blood from his mouth. “...You really...aren't afraid of me. You've finally grown strong.” He reached up and touched Ford's shoulder. “I'm proud of you.”  
  
Ford's eyes widened and he slowly stood up as Filbrick's image started to fade away.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nice work, Ford! Now, who is the surprise nightmare that Keyhole has prepared?
> 
> ((A/N: Hey, hey! Before you move on, look up at the top! Or just look at the top at the next chapter. "Little Dipper" is now in a series block and there's something else called "Little Drabbles" for you guys to take a peek at! Go see!))


	150. Jorge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A familiar face from Stan's past comes out of the wall and Ford and Bill have no idea what he's saying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD
> 
> ((A/N: The Spanish in this chapter is courtesy of our wonderful commentator, Princesa! Translations at the bottom.))

Stan massaged his knuckles as the illusion of their fallen father disappeared. “Okay, Keith. What's next?” He asked, giving him a challenging gaze.  
  
Keyhole smirked and stepped to the side as a figure stepped out of the wall from behind him. Stan gasped, Bill frowned, and Ford looked confused.  
  
“N-No...” Stan breathed. “Not you...”  
  
“Stan? Stan, it's just an illusion.” Bill reminded him.  
  
“Stan, who is this?” Ford asked.  
  
The large Mexican man standing across from Stan gave a cold smile before raising his gaze to look Stan in the eyes. Or rather, stare Stan down. “Stan Pines. ¿Cuánto tiempo ha pasado? Tú deberías estar muerto.”  
  
“Jorge...” Stan swallowed nervously, taking a step back. His body was shaking, his mind racing with memories of being beaten and shoved into a car trunk. His teeth ached at the memory and he reached up to cover his mouth. “Bien, tú me conoces. Soy un superviviente.” He replied, lowering his hand.  
  
“Tú eres una sucia rata callejera eso es lo que eres. ¿Tú realmente pensaste que podrías escapar de mi? ¿Después de todo lo que he hecho por ti, Tú piensas que un poco de suplicar seria suficiente para perdonar un error tan grande? ¡Imbécil!” Jorge growled.  
  
“lo sé, lo arruine” Stan said grimly. “Rico vino después de mi, también.”  
  
“¿Rico? ¿Ese bufón?” Jorge chuckled. “Un pequeño hombre pensado que es uno grande. _._ ”  
  
“¡Y encontré a mi hermano! ¡Y él realmente se preocupa por mí, como dije! ¡Él solo estaba… distraído antes!” Stan continued.  
  
“¡Bah! ¿Tú realmente crees que él te quiere?” Jorge laughed. “Tú mismo lo dijiste, tú estabas reteniendo a tu hermano.”  
  
Ford was having trouble understanding the rapid-fire Spanish. “Uh, Bill, are you getting any of this?”  
  
“...Not...really. I mean, I'm trying, but they're going way too fast.” Bill admitted.  
  
“Are _you_?” Ford looked at Keyhole.  
  
“Si.” Keyhole grinned.  
  
“Yo estaba realmente en un mal sitio en aquel momento. Quiero decir… él nunca contestaba su teléfono y yo estaba sin techo…” Stan looked unsure. “Pero, estamos mejor ahora ¡no importa lo que haya dicho antes! ¿Ves? ¡Él esta aquí ahora!” He gestured to Ford.  
  
“Si, lo veo. _”_ Jorge said, looking at Ford. “Eso no cambia nada entre nosotros, sin embargo. Solo si él tiene cien millones de pesos para mí en esas grandes botas.”  
  
“Yo se que lo arruine, ¡pero estoy seguro que tengo suficientes dolares para convertirlos en pesos para ti por ahora!, si tú me das un poco de tiempo para- _-_ ” Stan was abruptly cut off by Jorge swinging a large fist into his cheek.  
  
“Stan!” Ford and Bill ran to his side.  
  
“¿Un poco de tiempo, para qué? ¿Huir de nuevo? Tú eres muy bueno en desparecer, Stan Pines y yo no te daré otra oportunidad de hacerlo de nuevo. ¡Dame mis cien millones de pesos ahora!” Jorge reached into his coat and pulled out a gun, aiming it at Stan's forehead.  
  
“Whoa, whoa! There's no need for that!” Bill cried.  
  
“¡Mantente fuera de esto!” Jorge turned his gun on Bill before aiming it at Stan again.  
  
“Keyhole? We need a hint!” Ford said, looking at him. “What does he want?!”  
  
“Money that Stanley cost him years ago, when he screwed up a high-profile job.” Keyhole chuckled a bit. “He's nooooot happy.”  
  
“Well, how do we solve this? What makes the illusion go away?” Bill asked. “We'll be here forever at this rate!”  
  
“Well, at least until the illusion kills him.” Keyhole shrugged.  
  
“What?!” Bill and Ford yelled in unison.  
  
“If you believe in something enough, it will come true. If he believes he has really been shot, chances are that he will act like he has just been shot in the head and die.” Keyhole chuckled. “Isn't the human mind a _fascinating_ place?”  
  
“Will beating the crap out of him work?” Bill asked.  
  
“Or you could offer him something else.” Keyhole suggested.  
  
“Mira ¡Yo no tengo nada conmigo ahora, realmente! ¡Todo esta en mi casa!” Stan pleaded, tears slipping down his cheeks as his body trembled in fear of the barrel pressed against his forehead.  
  
“Something else?” Bill snapped his fingers and conjured up a pile of gold bars. “Look! Gold!”  
  
That caught Jorge's attention and he aimed his gun at Bill before kneeling to examine the gold bars. He watched them suspiciously as he gathered them up in his pack and then stepped back a few feet. “Has comprado tiempo, pero quiero mi dinero. Tú me debes, Pines.” He disappeared into the wall with the pack.  
  
“Okay...did we win?” Ford asked.  
  
“Eh...two out of three. I practically had to walk you through that one.” Keyhole shrugged. “Go on through.” He snapped his fingers and a door appeared. Stan and Ford ran through, but Bill hung back a bit.  
  
“I'm going to kick your ass when we get out of here.” Bill said firmly.  
  
“Better pick your battles wisely, I could trap you in that night forever, ever reliving that experience in all the fine details that I've collected from Kryptos' mind.” Keyhole warned him, narrowing his eyes as they changed from teal to red.  
  
Bill paled and hurried through the door.  
  
Keyhole nodded and walked into the wall, leaving the room empty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this is? Can they get to the kids now? Is Keyhole finally done with them?  
> Hahahahahaha....
> 
> (Translations!  
> 1\. Stan Pines. How long has it been? You should be dead.  
> (Stan Pines. ¿Cuánto tiempo ha pasado? Tú deberías estar muerto.)
> 
> 2\. Well, you know me. I'm a survivor.  
> (Bien, tú me conoces. Soy un superviviente.)
> 
> 3\. You're a filthy street-rat is what you are. You really thought you could escape me? After all I've done for you, you think a little bit of begging would be enough to forgive such a big mistake? Imbecile!  
> ("Tú eres una sucia rata callejera eso es lo que eres. ¿Tú realmente pensaste que podrías escapar de mi? ¿Después de todo lo que he hecho por ti, Tú piensas que un poco de suplicar seria suficiente para perdonar un error tan grande? ¡Imbécil!)
> 
> 4\. I know, I messed up.  
> ("lo sé, lo arruine")
> 
> 5\. Rico came after me, too.  
> ("Rico vino después de mi, también.")
> 
> 6\. Rico? That buffoon?  
> ("¿Rico? ¿Ese bufón?")
> 
> 7\. Small man thinking himself a big man.  
> (Un pequeño hombre pensado que es uno grande.)
> 
> 8\. And I found my brother! And he really does care about me, l-like I said! He was just...distracted before!  
> (¡Y encontré a mi hermano! ¡Y él realmente se preocupa por mí, como dije! ¡Él solo estaba… distraído antes!)
> 
> 9\. Bah! You really think he wants you?  
> (¡Bah! ¿Tú realmente crees que él te quiere?)
> 
> 10\. You said so yourself that you were just holding your brother back.  
> (Tú mismo lo dijiste, tú estabas reteniendo a tu hermano.)
> 
> 11\. Yes.  
> (Si.)
> 
> 12\. I was in a really bad place at that time. I mean...he didn't answer his phone, and I was homeless...  
> (Yo estaba realmente en un mal sitio en aquel momento. Quiero decir… él nunca contestaba su teléfono y yo estaba sin techo…)
> 
> 13\. But, we're better now, no matter what I said before! See? He's right here!  
> (Pero, estamos mejor ahora ¡no importa lo que haya dicho antes! ¿Ves? ¡Él esta aquí ahora!)
> 
> 14\. Yes, I see.  
> (Si, lo veo.)
> 
> 15\. It changes nothing between us, though. Unless he has a hundred-million pesos for me hidden in those big boots.  
> (Eso no cambia nada entre nosotros, sin embargo. Solo si él tiene cien millones de pesos para mí en esas grandes botas.)
> 
> 16\. I know I messed up, but I've surely got enough dollars to convert to pesos for you by now, so if you just give me a bit of time to--  
> (Yo se que lo arruine, ¡pero estoy seguro que tengo suficientes dolares para convertirlos en pesos para ti por ahora!, si tú me das un poco de tiempo para-)
> 
> 17\. A bit of time to what? Run off again? You are very good at the disappearing act, Stan Pines, and I'm not giving you the chance to do it again. Give me my hundred-million pesos right now!  
> (¿Un poco de tiempo, para qué? ¿Huir de nuevo? Tú eres muy bueno en desparecer, Stan Pines y yo no te daré otra oportunidad de hacerlo de nuevo. ¡Dame mis cien millones de pesos ahora!)
> 
> 18\. Stay out of this!  
> (¡Mantente fuera de esto!)
> 
> 19\. Look, I don't have anything on me right now, honest! It's all at my house!  
> (Mira ¡Yo no tengo nada conmigo ahora, realmente! ¡Todo esta en mi casa!)
> 
> 20\. He's bought you time, but I still want my money. You owe me, Pines.  
> (Has comprado tiempo, pero quiero mi dinero. Tú me debes, Pines.)))


	151. There's A Door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beyond the door is...another door! Lots of doors, actually. Bill learns the hard way not to try to cheat the system.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“...Are we still in the maze?” Stan asked.  
  
“I...believe so?” Ford looked around.  
  
“Why...is there...a _castle_ in the middle of the maze?” Bill asked, gesturing to it.  
  
“Is it...another illusion?” Stan walked over to examine it. “Hm...”  
  
“There's a door.”  
  
They all jolted and looked over to see Keyhole sitting on the castle wall. “What?” Stan asked.  
  
“I said there's a door. It may be colored blue like the rest of this thing, but it's there. Just go in.” Keyhole sighed.  
  
“Where? I just see wall.” Stan tapped the wall, walking along it as he tapped some more.  
  
“Why are you here again? Another test?” Bill asked.  
  
“Nah. I just like watching, and you're kind of pathetic when you're in a hurry.” He snapped his fingers and the spot Stan was about to tap opened up, hitting him in the face.  
  
“Where is the handle?! The doorknob?! Anything?! There's nothing here!” Stan gestured to the empty door.  
  
“Sure, but if you found the crease, Bill could've created one. Seriously, you're supposed to _know_ everything, Cipher.” Keyhole chuckled.  
  
“S-Shut up! I was distracted!” Bill blushed.  
  
“Let's just go in.” Ford pulled Stan and Bill in and walked inside. As before, as soon as they got in the door slammed shut behind them and disappeared. Not that that stopped Keith Holt, master of the twisted Mindscape. He walked past them and stood between two doors.  
  
“Here's a fun game. One of these doors leads you to your objective. The other unleashes one of your nightmares at you. There's going to be about a dozen of these, by the way.” Keyhole grinned.  
  
“Enough of your games! We're done here! Let us get to the kids already!” Bill snapped.  
  
“Yeah, what the heck? Are you actually _enjoying_ this?” Stan asked.  
  
“Am I enjoying watching the spoiled little brat from Flatland that just so happened to be good at Globnar and has a brother complex the size of Russia run around like a chicken with his head cut off in desperation? Yes.” Keyhole said, nodding enthusiastically. “Honestly, I'm on Pyronica's side, so I don't care if you're stuck in here forever or not.”  
  
“But, you said before you wanted it over with. Make up your mind!” Ford snapped.  
  
“The longer I'm watching you, the more I remember that Bill was a real dick and, actually, so are you, Stanford. Anyways, there's only a dozen. Just get the right doors the first time and this'll be over in a snap.” He snapped his fingers and the doors started to glow. “Now, pick one.”  
  
“You said nightmares...so, it's just what we've already seen, right?” Bill asked. “Our worst fears?”  
  
“Uh, no. I said _nightmares_. As in, the door will pick a random nightmare you have had and force you to fight it to get out. And, this time, there's no back-up allowed.” Keyhole explained. “While one of you is suffering through a nightmare, the others can move on and wait for you to catch up. Or they can reach the end and you'll be automatically spat out at the end, but to you you'll still be in that nightmare. Forever.”  
  
Bill was suddenly understanding why none of Keyhole's victims were able to talk about their experiences in his mind.  
  
“Wait for the victim and we waste time...but leave without them and they'll lose their mind. It's a catch-22. Damned if we do and damned if we don't.” Stan cringed.  
  
“Let's just...start and hope for the best.” Bill focused on the doors, but a sharp pain hit him and he cried out, holding his eye. “Agh! That hurts! Why does it hurt?!”  
  
“No cheating.” Keyhole said, wagging his finger at him. “Looks like you're going blind for a few minutes, Bill.”  
  
“W-What?!” Bill moved his hands, but he was still seeing black. “No...no, no, no! I-I can't be blind!”  
  
“Bill, it's okay. He said 'a few minutes'. Let's just calm down, okay?” Stan coaxed him as Bill felt comforting worn but gentle hands on his shoulders. “Uh, Ford, you pick the first door.”  
  
“Right...” Bill heard Ford say, and then he heard a door swinging open. “Lucky on the first try. Good. Let's hope this luck holds out.”  
  
“Let's hope.” Keyhole hummed.  
  
“Just walk with me, okay Bill?” Stan said, carefully leading Bill along by the shoulders.  
  
“Yeah...thanks. Ugh, I've never been completely blind before. Keyhole, you're such a bastard.” Bill rubbed at his eye.  
  
“It's only a few minutes, stop whining. See, this is why we called you a kid. You throw tantrums, you act like a spoiled brat and you whine when you're inconvenienced. Plus, you're _really young_ compared to the rest of us.” Keyhole said from Bill's other side. He must be walking alongside them.  
  
“Why did you have to do it at all, though?” Bill asked as they heard Ford open another door.  
  
“It's safe.” Ford called to them.  
  
“Using your Sight on the doors is cheating. No cheating in my games.” Keyhole said matter-of-factly. “It'd be the same if you tried to use your Sight to find out which picture went next in the order.”  
  
“Good thing I didn't try that, then.” Bill shuddered.  
  
“Maybe while you're here, you and Kryptos can work through your issues and get over yourself. I'm tired of hearing you whine about each other, it's so annoying.” Keyhole said, letting out an exasperated sigh at the end.  
  
“You know what's annoying? Being blind!” Bill huffed.  
  
“Xanthar manages okay.” Keyhole said, and Bill realized that his vision was starting to return. “You should feel lucky I didn't take away your vision permanently, as least as long as you're in my world.”  
  
Bill rubbed at his eyes. “...I guess I should be thankful for that. My vision's starting to return finally...”  
  
Ford opened one of the next two door and let out a shuddering gasp before tendrils shot out and grabbed him, pulling him into the darkness.  
  
“Ford!” Stan and Bill cried in unison.  
  
“Mm, just in time to lose a companion.” Keyhole smirked.  
  
“Bring him back!” Stan yelled.  
  
“...What part of ' fight it to get out' did you miss in my very simple instructions?” Keyhole sighed. “Well, take the safe door and move on. He'll catch up. Or, wait here for him to eventually come out.”  
  
“Will he be okay? He can't die...right? It's not like the illusions?” Stan asked.  
  
“It's just reliving his nightmares. If they haven't killed him yet, they won't now. Moving on.” Keyhole walked to the other door and opened it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keyhole isn't a very nice DM...


	152. What Could Be Behind Nightmare Number 1?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ford's been pulled into a nightmare and has to fight his way out of it!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

Ford opened his eyes to find himself in his lab, thirty years ago. In front of him with the portal, silent and cold ever since McGucket had accidentally gone inside and came out spouting gibberish. Ford felt betrayed, his ears burning with the memory of Bill's last words to him before he checked out for a bit. He felt...desperate.  
  
He left the lab and went outside, holding his head. He'd been having a terrible headache ever since finding out Bill Cipher was a...was NOT a muse, he didn't know WHAT he was. A demon? Demons made duels, right?  
  
He had to warn people. No, he had to hide the Journals, destroy the portal. He stepped outside, in need of some fresh air, and stopped when he noticed a red-cloaked figure standing in the treeline. He know that robe... “...Fiddleford?” He asked.  
  
The figure approached him, pulling something from his sleeve. “You've gone far enough, Stanford. You'll doom us all if you keep up this way. You and your crazy invention, your desires, your...your DEALS. You have NO idea what that...that THING has put me through.” He raised what looked like a sci-fi gun to Stanford's head.  
  
“Whoa, calm down! I understand that you're upset, and you have good reason to be! B-But, I'm going to fix things, I swear!” Ford stepped back.  
  
“It's too late for that! You've already done too much! I'll have to erase your memories of that project and that creature, and hopefully destroy him with them!”  
  
“Fiddleford!” Ford pleaded.  
  
“I'm not sure what the effects will be...this is a prototype. But, you're the perfect subject for testing this out.” Fiddleford started to pull the trigger.  
  
And then Ford felt himself take a backseat in his mind. Bill had returned, and he wasn't happy. He grabbed Fiddleford's arm roughly and threw him to the ground, a sickening crack reaching Ford's ears. “Noo! Please, no! Don't hurt him!”  
  
Bill paused, seeming to take in his plea, and then raised his foot up to smash the gun. “Get out of here, Fids. Be grateful to Stanford, he just saved your life.”  
  
Fiddleford slowly got up, holding his obviously-broken arm, and fled for the woods again. Bill kicked the pieces of the gun and then turned back to the house. “What were you thinking, you idiot?” Bill asked as he walked inside. “You thought it would be safe out there? With that guy losing it?”  
  
“No, no, please, don't do this, let me out.” Ford begged.  
  
“Pft, as if. The portal is just about done, I just need to make a few more adjustments.” Bill laughed. “Don't worry, Fordsy. You'll get your body back...when I'm done with it. It might not be in one piece, though.”  
  
No...Ford frowned, confused. He was SURE that this was the part where Bill said “Try not to get yourself killed, I still need you”. This had to be a nightmare...and suddenly everything came rushing back to him. He was actually thirty years older. This WAS a nightmare, beyond a door in Keyhole's mind. Bill was his ally. He had to fight the nightmare, or be trapped forever!  
  
“I'm not going to let you do this.” He said firmly. “It's my mind, and I'm taking it back!”  
  
“Try it.” Bill goaded him.  
  
Ford pushed against the walls of his mind, fighting to keep hold of his knowledge of the fact it was _ just a dream _ . As long as he held onto that, as long as he kept his grasp on reality, he could escape. He kept pushing and pushing for control as Bill laughed and taunted his efforts, saying it was pointless. It wasn't pointless. He had to get out. He had to...GET. OUT!  
  
He felt the nightmare's grip on him loosen and then the world faded away, leaving him facing a dark creature with tendrils. He pulled out his gun and fired on it, right between the eyes. It let out an ungodly screech and then he was falling...falling...falling backwards until he hit blue floor and stared up at blue ceiling.  
  
He took a moment to collect his thoughts and slowly sat up. “I'm out? I won? I won!” He got up and looked around. “Stanley? Bill?” He noticed the other door was open and ran through it.  
  
He just left door three, and the next door was open. He kept count as he passed through, looking around to see if any other nightmares had been triggered. 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, Stan!  
  
Stan was standing in front of an open door, darkness inside it. But, that meant that the one inside was...  
  
“Bill was pulled in?” He asked, walking up to him.   
  
Stan nodded grimly. “Just a few moments ago.”  
  
“...Do you think...it's about... _ that _ ?” Ford asked.  
  
Stan shrugged. “I dunno.” He looked to the side, where their “host” was apparently waiting for Bill. Of course, they  _ needed _ Bill to finish Keyhole's game. Pyronica would disqualify them if Bill didn't come out, traumatized and in despair. Truly, Hell hath no fury as a woman scorned.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, they've been surprisingly lucky to go so long without hitting another nightmare door.


	153. I'll Take $200 For -Nightmares-, Alice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill's facing his own nightmare, and it's a doozy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD  
> Scene based on one from pengychan's "Flat Dreams" fic.

The box felt heavy in Bill's small arms as he headed back home from the bookstore, moving as fast as his little legs could carry him. He didn't know why he was in such a hurry, but he felt he had to. Even if logically, he shouldn't be running with such a big box. He might trip and fall.  
  
He reached home and opened the door, heading for a particular door. He opened it up and...it was empty of people. Signs of a struggle, a ripped curtain, books scattered... He dropped the box as tears welled up in his eye, then looked behind him as he heard footsteps.  
  
“Bill, you shouldn't be in here.” His adopted father told him.  
  
“Where's Liam?” Bill asked, his young voice trembling.  
  
His father was silent, and Bill felt rage fill his young body. “You...You let them take him away, didn't you?!” He accused, tears slipping down and off his bottom side.  
  
“Bill...” The older triangle reached for him, but Bill pushed past him, running outside.  
  
If only he was faster...if only he hadn't gotten distracted...if only he could do it all again!  
  
And then he was running down the street again, box in hand, running as fast as his little legs could carry him. But, it wasn't fast enough. Liam was gone when he got there, again. He ran outside and it all started again.  
  
And here was the part where Bill realized something was off and reality just didn't work like that and, fuck, this was a nightmare. And Little Billy just did not say “fuck” so, yeah, there was his way to ground himself to reality.  
  
Okay, so he realized he was in a fucking nightmare, now how could he wake up? Wait, was he even asleep? Think, **think** , _**think**_ , _**THINK, BILL, YOU FUCKING IDIOT**_ —OH! ...Oh. Right. He was in Keyhole's mental prison maze of nightmares. He'd opened the wrong door and been pulled inside by...what were those, tentacles?  
  
What was it Keyhole had said? He had to fight the nightmare? But, how could he fight a memory? What would end it? The nightmare was looping again, he was desperately trying to figure out how to save his brother...  
  
...Oh. Bill felt the answer hit him like a bulldozer and drop him down like the bottomless pit. The only way to stop the loop...was to _accept what had happened_. And, honestly, what could he do even if he WAS there? Beg? Plead? Threaten with all the intimidation a child possessed? Hah, no. All that would do was get him dragged out by his parents and he'd be forced to _watch_ Liam be taken away.  
  
...And hopefully not become a part of Amorphus Shape. He was pretty sure he would've known if he had, though. Anyways, he knew WHAT to do....but could he do it?  
  
Little Billy was reaching Liam's room again, package in hand. He was seeing the empty room...the damage...All Bill had to do was let go of trying to save him, at least this one time. He had to get out and save Pine Tree and Shooting Star. His little boy needed him.  
  
Tears slipping down his cheeks, he chose instead to go to Liam's bed and cry. Liam had said this would happen...all he could do was accept it. But, they hoped...so badly had they hoped that maybe, _just maybe_ , Liam would be spared.  
  
Flatland didn't work like that. Flatland was cruel. He could accept that Liam had been taken away...but he would still make this world burn for Liam's death.  
  
The image faded away as Bill felt something loosen around his arms and legs and then he was standing in endless darkness, facing a glowing squid or...something. The nightmare he would have to fight. He conjured up fire and threw it at the creature, listening to its dying screams as he wiped at his eyes.  
  
And then he was being pushed back, back, back and out. He fell out of the room and crashed backwards into Ford. “Oof!”  
  
“Hey, you made it!” Stan cheered.  
  
“What...was it...that one?” Ford asked anxiously.  
  
Bill shook his head. “No...thank the Cosmos.”  
  
Stan and Ford hugged him tightly. Keyhole watched them for about five seconds before he cleared his throat and opened the other door. “You have two more to go. Don't celebrate yet.”  
  
They glared at him, but went through the door together. Two more doors...they could do this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, Bill's nightmares get pretty intense.


	154. Pick a stair, pick a door, which one has Kryptos?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, they've reached the end of the--MORE DOORS?! But this time, there's no nightmares to contend with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

To Stan's immense relief, though he didn't say so, the next two doors they picked were clear of nightmares and they stepped out into a large room that had two sets of doors with stairs leading up to them. Keyhole walked to the center of the room, between the two stairs.  
  
“Behind one of these doors is the children. Behind the other is Kryptos.” Keyhole explained calmly. “I won't tell you which is which, but once you go through Kryptos' door you can not open it from inside. Good luck.”  
  
“If we get Kryptos, we'll kick his ass for you.” Stan promised Bill.  
  
“Why can't we all go in and get the kids?” Ford asked.  
  
“Because if we get it wrong, we'll all be stuck with Kryptos. Someone has to go to the kids once Kryptos' door is figured out.” Bill explained.  
  
“Oh yeah, I forgot to mention. The doors will not open until you open them at the same time.” Keyhole said, fidgeting with the keyhole choker he wore.  
  
“Damn it.” Ford clenched his fists.  
  
“Come on...Gideon needs us to hurry up.” Bill walked over to the door on the left.  
  
“...Alright.” Stan and Ford went to the one on the right. “Are you sure you don't want one of us with you? You know...just in case?” Stan asked.  
  
“If I do get Kryptos...try to hurry in with the kids. Not sure how I'll do against him on my own after all this.” Bill gave a nervous smile and then looked at the door, gripping the doorknob. “On three. One...”  
  
“Two...” Ford and Stan said, Ford gripping their doorknob.  
  
“Three.” Keyhole said, as both doors opened. Then he smirked a bit as the doors closed with a bang behind them. “Of course, there was never any question who would face Kryptos.”  
  
–  
  
Bill looked behind him as the door slammed shut on its own and right away went to try opening it again. When it tried turning the handle, it wouldn't budge an inch. “...Shit.” He hissed. Looks like he got the Kryptos door. Great...  
  
He turned and waked down the long, candle-lit hallway, apprehension increasing the closer he got to the end. He wanted to run, he wanted to hide, he wanted to stay by the door until they came for him, but what if Kryptos already knew he was there and came after him? He'd rather be in a wider space than this hallway if he had to face his...what WAS Kryptos, to him?  
  
At one time he was a friend, then he was...an _old_ friend, then a minor annoyance, and over time their relationship got worse. Kryptos had been shown increasingly more signs of being completely unhinged and so he planned to kick him out of the group, but... _damn_ , who had he told that to? If only Bill remembered, then he might know who had told Kryptos about his plan.  
  
He reached the end of the hallway, but he still couldn't see into the room fully. There was an arched doorway at the very end, and all he could see was...a fireplace? There was a nice armchair facing it, and a rug. He cautiously poked his head out and looked around, seeing what else was there. There was a door at the very end across from the hallway, what looked like a dining table with food prepared on it, and a...bed. Ohhh, he did not like this. Not at all. He backed into the hallway again, hiding in the shadows once again.  
  
Maybe he could just hide in here until Stan and Ford caught up with the kids.  
  
“You know, you were always _really_ rude for a Triangle. But this hiding in the shadows thing really takes the cake on rudeness.” He heard Kryptos say from the turned-away chair.  
  
...Fuck.  
  
–  
  
“The door's opening again.” Stan frowned, trying the doorknob. “...Great.”  
  
“We better hurry.” Ford said, heading down the long hallway.  
  
“Yeah.” Stan hurried after him. “Hopefully there's no more....surprises.”  
  
They stepped out of the hallway into a cavern with lava, spikes, and monsters blocking their way to the kids in a cage up on a high ledge.  
  
“...You have GOT to be _kidding_ me! What the hell is _**this**_?!” Stan gestured to the room in disbelief. “Keith!”  
  
“Yes?” Keyhole stepped out of the wall.  
  
“What is this nonsense?!” Stan asked.  
  
“It's your obstacle course to your goal. What, did you expect them to be lying on a curtained bed in the middle of the room with only a couple guards to keep you from getting to them?” Keyhole raised an eyebrow. “Please. I'm nice but not THAT nice.”  
  
“So...we really have to go through this.” Ford sighed, taking out his gun again. “...So be it. Come on, Stan.”  
  
“Good luck~!” Keyhole waved cheerfully as they headed down the path.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh geez, it's Kryptos.


	155. Let's Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill is stuck alone with Kryptos, how will he manage?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

Bill lingered in the hallway, not wanting to come out just yet. He saw the chair turn towards him and quickly backed up into the shadows. Okay, so he would rather fight Kryptos in a tight space than be anywhere within five feet of that bed. He clutched his coat tighter around his body, trying to calm his breathing, but the appearance of glowing blue eyes at the end of the hallway sent him into a panic again.

  
'Great job, Keyhole. Way to fuck me over mentally and then throw me into the lion's den. I bet this was rigged.' He thought bitterly, backing up all the way to the door. He tried the doorknob again, but it wouldn't budge.  
  
“No need to run, Cipher. Where would you go, anyway? The exit's on the _other_ side.” Kryptos said, chuckling a bit as he stepped closer and closer to Bill in the hallway. “Come on out, _Billy_.”  
  
Bill cringed against the door. “No, I think I'll wait here for Stan and Ford, thanks.”  
  
Kryptos chuckled and then it turned into a full laugh. “Oh, you don't have a choice. Hey, Keyhole? Little boost?”  
  
“What?” Bill looked around and then yelped as the door behind him suddenly bounced him off it and right into Kryptos' arms. “Guah! Get off!” He pushed away from him, but Kryptos just pulled him close again.  
  
“Oh, relax. Anyways, they'll be occupied for a little while. Why don't we...talk? There's so much I've been wanting to say that I didn't want to say in front of Tad, after all.” He grabbed Bill's arm before he could pull away and practically waltzed him out of the hallway.  
  
“Get off me!” Bill pulled away from him, stumbling backwards and into the chair Kryptos had just left.  
  
Kryptos walked over and slammed his hands on the arms of the chair, pinning Bill's hands down on it. “That's not very respectful to a Square, now is it? Then again, you've NEVER been one for respect. A failure on your parents' part.” He scowled.  
  
“What's gotten into you? You never cared about Class levels before.” Bill frowned, cringing back into the chair from him.  
  
“I cared. I just wasn't vocal about it. I did the smart thing and stayed out of trouble by staying in my lane and acting nice. Go figure, it was YOU that got me into something that would RUIN me.” Kryptos gripped Bill's wrists tightly. “I should have never gone to your shop to get you that day. Were you planning from the start to use us and run away? Must've been great fun, tricking us all into thinking you actually cared about the Cause! Did you ever even SEE the Sphere?!”  
  
“Time Cops got me before I could...” Bill said glancing to the side.  
  
“Yeah, well while you were making new friends, those of us you left behind were executed or imprisoned and tortured! Our titles, our jobs, were taken from us! Not that you cared, did you? And when you noticed I was acting a little bit unhinged from my experience in prison, you tried to throw me out!” He pulled Bill from the chair and swung him to the side, making him crash into the table.  
  
Bill winced and then moved to the other side of the table as Kryptos approached him again. “Well, you were freaking me out! And, frankly, you were annoying!”  
  
“Oh, you should hear what some of your 'new friends' were saying about you. Even Pyronica had a few choice words about your attitude. And how nice that after our night together, you stopped being such a cocky little shit!” Kryptos threw the table to the side, stalking towards Bill.  
  
“Stay back!” Bill backed away from him, trying to conjure up fire. Go fucking figure, Keyhole had cut off his powers.  
  
“You needed to be put in your place, and that's exactly what I did to you. Know your Class, Triangle. You rant, rave, throw tantrums and make assumptions – all of them WRONG. You know, I bet Liam wouldn't have even wanted you to do what you did.” Kryptos backed Bill into the bed and pinned Bill's hands down on the mattress behind him with one hand. “You just _assumed_ he wanted that.”  
  
“Let go.” Bill struggled in his hold.  
  
“You know, they say that assuming so much makes you an ass? Maybe that's why you have _such a nice one._ ” He moved his free hand around to grip Bill's butt, his lips brushing against Bill's ear and making him shiver despite wanting to get away from all this. Curse his sensitive ears! “Maybe once I put you in your place again, you'll forget this silly notion about staying with the slaves. Then again, maybe that's truly where you belong? Triangles are only a step above the slaves, after all.”  
  
“Let go!” Bill tried slamming his head into his, but Kryptos moved his head out of the way just in time.  
  
“Why don't you try _begging_ me for forgiveness? Or maybe _thank me_ for all I put up with from you?” Kryptos moved his hand up, trailing his fingers up Bill's body, and gripped his chin tightly. “Let's start with a _show of appreciation_ , hm?” He pressed his lips against his.  
  
“ _Erif_!” Bill heard Dipper yell as fire filled the room. Kryptos hissed and moved away from the fire, releasing Bill's hands finally. Bill quickly got off the bed and ran to Ford's open arms, clinging to him.  
  
“Keyhole! Little help?” Kryptos called out.  
  
“Man, I've been hearing that _all day_ today.” Keyhole said, appearing by the toppled table. He snapped his fingers and the fire disappeared. “Nice trick, kid.”  
  
“Thanks!” Dipper beamed.  
  
“Are we going to have to fight you?” Stan asked.  
  
“No. I don't do physical fights. You've already done your fighting with me.” Keyhole shrugged.  
  
“Great.” Stan turned his gaze on Kryptos. “'Cause I'm gonna focus everything on pounding _you_!”  
  
“Dipper, Mabel, please keep Bill safe.” Ford put his gun away and cracked his knuckles. “I'm going to make him pay for what he's done.”  
  
“No...” Bill stepped forward. “...This is still part of it, isn't it? You arranged for me specifically to meet Kryptos here. Didn't you?”  
  
“Wait, what? It was rigged?” Stan looked at Keyhole.  
  
“How can you hope to beat Pyronica if you're being dragged down by your nightmares? I don't know what Pyronica was planning when she threw him in, seeing as she doesn't know what your issues are.” Keyhole shrugged. “But, that's why I ensured Bill would meet Kryptos, yes.”  
  
“Wait, what? I thought it was the main plan for him to come to me.” Kryptos frowned.  
  
“Maybe?” Keyhole shrugged, grinning.  
  
“...It's hard to be mad at you when you look cute like that.” Kryptos sighed.  
  
“Anyways, you guys can have it out now.” Keyhole walked over and sat in the armchair to watch.  
  
“Can I have my powers back?” Bill asked.  
  
“Mm...no. Beat him without your powers.” Keyhole sat back and conjured up popcorn. “Kids, want some?”  
  
Dipper and Mabel moved away from the bed area and then Stan, Ford, and Bill lunged at Kryptos. Bill alone, Kryptos could take, but two furious humans AND Bill was really above his level. Especially since Keyhole had _removed_ _ **his**_ _powers as well.  
  
_ This is because he was talking to him about Bill before Bill had exposed himself, wasn't it? Heh, exposed. If only. He had such a nice—FIST! OW! PAIN!  
  
“Ngh!” Krytos stumbled back, holding his face.  
  
“Wow, they're really wailing on him.” Mabel commented, holding Dipper close. Dipper was watching Keyhole, trying to figure out _what his deal_ was.  
  
“Are you a bad guy or not?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Well, now there's a question for the bank.” Keyhole chuckled. “I used to be good, but bad guys turned me bad, and so I'm bad. And until I find what was stolen from me, I will remain bad.”  
  
“Stolen from you?” Mabel asked.  
  
“My most precious one.” Keyhole sighed wistfully. “I'm still searching.”  
  
“Agh!” Kryptos slammed into the wall and gasped when Ford pulled out a knife on him. “Seriously?! A knife?! I don't have any of my powers!”  
  
“Should've thought of that before you tried to hurt Bill again.” Ford growled. “I'm going to enjoy ripping you to--”  
  
“Hey, uh, you know that wizard kid you left behind? Pacifier's being pretty mean to him. Maybe wanna head out there?” Keyhole spoke up.  
  
“Gideon!” Bill turned towards the door and ran for it. “Wait...what about my powers?”  
  
“They'll return when you leave. I don't have any power over you once you leave here, unless you screwed up and got stuck with eternal nightmares.” Keyhole shrugged.  
  
Bill opened the door and then looked at Kryptos. “...This isn't over, you...” He glanced at Dipper and then walked over to pick him up. “Sicko.” He finished, wiping at his mouth. Ugh, he was going to have to get some mouthwash. Even then, he'd probably have a brand-new nightmare thanks to this encounter. Thank the Cosmos it didn't go too far.  
  
He started to head for the door when he heard the sound of breaking wood and then something being hit with a sharp gasp of pain. Surprised he looked over to see Stan had broken a table leg off and knocked Kryptos out cold with it.  
  
“You broke my table.” Keyhole commented.  
  
“You put me through Jorge.” Stan retorted, slinging Kryptos over his shoulder.  
  
“That's fair.” Keyhole shrugged.  
  
“Everyone ready to go?” Ford asked.  
  
“Yep!” Mabel ran over with Dipper, Dipper clinging to Bill's waist protectively.  
  
“See you in the real world.” Keyhole gave a two-fingered salute and then faded away as the door changed into a portal to the outside world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, kids. They always find some way to kill the mood, don't they? Clearly Dipper was taking Pyronica's advice on how to have fun.


	156. Back to the Real World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally out of Keyhole's head, Bill goes to deal with Pyronica while Mabel and the Stans fight for Gideon's...freedom!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Hgh!” Gideon felt the breath forcefully leave his lungs as he was caught in Pacifier's chain whip and slammed to the ground on his side. “Hhnngh...” He squirmed in the metal, then looked over his shoulder at his opponent.  
  
“You know, you're pretty impressive – especially for a human child.” Pacifier remarked, walking over and kneeling next to him. He had decided to shrink down to the size of a human adult for this battle, so he could see his opponent better. “Mm, the chained-up look suits you. Maybe I'll let you live and make you my slave.”  
  
“I'll kill you in your sleep.” Gideon said aggressively.  
  
Pacifier laughed. “That's exactly the kind of spunk I've been missing! You're a little young now, but a few years of grooming and you'll be juuuust right.”  
  
“Gideon!” They heard Bill yell as a blast of fire hit Pacifier in the side.  
  
“Ngh!” Pacifier let out a grunt of annoyance and brushed the fire off, glancing to the side. “Ah. So, you're back.”  
  
Stan dropped Kryptos unceremoniously on the ground and cracked his knuckles. “We beat two of you. Who's next?”  
  
Pacifier looked over at Keyhole, who was walking off to avoid the conflict. “That's funny, normally people would be an emotional wreck by now. Key, did you go easy on them?”  
  
Keyhole looked back at him. “Oh, they got wrecked alright. They're just strong. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to avoid the _physical_ violence.”  
  
“Yeah, okay.” Pacifier looked at Bill and the others. “Bill, don't you have a date with Pyronica? She's been waiting for you.”  
  
“Get off of Gideon first.” Bill said firmly.  
  
“Mm....nah.” Pacifier grinned. “You go, they fight me, if they win then he goes free. If they lose, then he's mine.”  
  
“Don't even think about it!” Mabel growled, rolling up her sleeves.  
  
“Where's Tad?” Stan looked around.  
  
“Last I saw he was being gang-banged by 8-Ball and Teeth.” Pacifier shrugged.  
  
“WHAT?!” Bill went pale as Stan and Ford's eyes went wide.  
  
“He means double-teamed.” Gideon said, focusing his power on the chains to try and move them. They were created by magic, so it wasn't easy.  
  
“Oh. Good. Okay.” Bill nodded.  
  
“Bill, you better get going. We'll play his game.” Stan nodded to Bill. “Maybe you can help Tad while you're at it.”  
  
“AAAAAAAAAAIIIIIII!” They heard Teeth yell as he went flying over.  
  
“Don't think he needs it.” Pacifier commented, seeing 8-Ball being punted the other direction. “Get going, Bill. She's over by the rift.” He pointed in that direction.  
  
“I'm going with you.” Dipper insisted to him.  
  
Bill looked at Dipper and sighed, shaking his head. “Not this time, kiddo.” He unfastened his coat and took it off, handing it to him. “Hold onto that for me, would you?” He asked, untying his bowtie.  
  
“What are you going to do?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Go all-out. Only way I can beat her.” Bill said grimly, floating into the air. “Be good.” He flew off.  
  
They watched him go and then Pacifier snapped his fingers, shifting the chains around so Gideon was bound in a ball of chains. “Let's play, then.”  
  
“Bring it on.” Mabel said firmly as she, Ford and Stan prepared to fight.  
  
Dipper stepped back, watching Bill fly off towards where the rift had opened up. “Good luck...”  
  
–  
  
Bill landed at the spot of the broken ship's crash site and saw Pyronica standing where she had come in. She was facing away from him, her head bowed and her arms crossed over her chest. Bill frowned, feeling a bit of sorrow for their lost friendship. Maybe he could...repair it?  
  
“Pyronica.” He said softly.  
  
She tensed and looked over her shoulder at him. “You're back. Did you enjoy your trip into your nightmares?” She asked sarcastically. “Was saving those slaves worth enduring all that?”  
  
“Why do you call them that? Keyhole was human once.” Bill reasoned, walking up to her as he grew to match her giant size.  
  
“I dunno, it depends on who you ask.” She shrugged. “Anyways, it doesn't matter who we were before, only who we are now. And who we are now is creatures that are far above human, that see how weak humans are and understand why they're seen as playthings to be stolen and sold on auction.”  
  
“Wait...'we'? You mean, you were _also_...?” Bill looked confused.  
  
“Didn't I just say it doesn't matter? Slaves are slaves, we are superior. That's just how it is. The strong toy with the weak.” Pyronica spat.  
  
“Pyronica...” Bill sighed, running a hand through his hair. “It...doesn't have to be like this. You're a nice girl, you don't have to be mean just for the sake of it. Why can't...why can't you just change your mind about destroying worlds? What drives you to do that?”  
  
“I don't need a reason.” She turned to him fully. “Unlike you, I didn't start my life of crime for any special reason. My first crime was killing my family with powers I didn't know I had. And you know why I did it? Because they tried to tell me what was best for me, to put up with it even if I HATED it.”  
  
“...My reason wasn't that far off.” Bill commented.  
  
“I know. You lost your brother to a corrupt system, wanted to change things. But, tell me, would you have cared at all about the injustices of your world if you weren't affected personally?” Pyronica asked.  
  
“I--”  
  
“The answer is no. You had a good life, loving adopted parents, you were spoiled beyond belief. The only bad thing was the fact that your adopted brother was misshapen and taken away for it. Just like how you didn't give a shit about who you stepped on and used in this world here until you found that one person, that one _kid,_ that gave you the family you had been needing – since apparently _we_ weren't good enough.” Pyronica walked towards him, uncrossing her arms.  
  
“Come on, I--” Bill started again.  
  
“No. No, don't even _try_ to tell me that you had a change of heart from your years trapped in a closet. Had it been _anyone_ else, if it _wasn't_ your precious little Pine Tree, would you have changed your mind and gone against the plan, against us?” Pyronica asked.  
  
Bill waited a bit to see if she was going to speak again. “I...I...might've?” He tried, shrugging.  
  
“Mmm, probably not. You see, even if we were trapped, we had ways of contacting the outside world. You know this. And one of the things I found out that way was that other versions of you, ones that met older Pine Trees, had _no_ issue exploiting and even trying to kill the boy. Something about _this_ particular universe had you deciding to change your mind about everything. So, what was it?” Pyronica demanded.  
  
“I dunno.” Bill shrugged again.  
  
“I don't know, either. But, I do know this. The only way you can stop us from destroying this world and killing or enslaving everyone in this town, is to force us out.” Pyronica's hands flared with fire.  
  
“...So...there's no peaceful option?” Bill sighed, unbuttoning his shirt and dropping it to the side. “No way I can make you change your mind?”  
  
“Sorry, no. This world or us, one of us is going down.” Pyronica said coldly.  
  
“...I really hate that you're making me choose.” Bill held his head in his hands before running his fingers through his hair and looking straight at her. “But, I can't let you have your way, Pyronica.”  
  
She pursed her lips tightly and then nodded. “Fine. Then, we fight. The battle to decide everything.”  
  
“I'm sorry.” Bill said softly. “But, I love them too much. I wish I could have you both...”  
  
“Enough talking.” Pyronica waved it off and then threw a fireball at him. “Just fight me!”  
  
Bill stepped back out of range of the blast and wrapped his arms around himself, his skin turning pitch-black and his markings turning red before he spread his arms out, two more sets of arms coming out of his sides as his eyes turned red and his teeth grew pointier and sharper. “As you wish.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, you tried Bill. you tried. I guess Pyronica likes those other Bills more.


	157. Prize

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mabel and the Stans battle Pacifier for Gideon, but Gideon's in NO mood to be some prize to be won!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

Stan, Mabel and Ford had been allowed to set up for their attack. It would be more fun, he'd said. Dipper had run off to find Tad Strange, with Bill's coat in hand. He'd be okay, he had Bill's indestructible coat. She needed to focus on saving Gideon.  
  
“Weapons ready?” Ford asked over the radio.  
  
“Yep. Sure this will work?” Mabel asked.  
  
“It should. Blendin got these from Time Baby.” Stan remarked.  
  
“So...aside from conjuring up chains from thin air, what powers does this guy have?” Mabel asked, watching the demon warily as he toyed with a chain whip. Behind him, Gideon's chain prison was glowing an ominous dark-red color. If she looked closely, she could see hints of Gideon's blue power as he tried to fight his own way out.  
  
“No idea.” Ford admitted. “Best one who could tell us that is Bill or Tad, and they're both not here right now.”  
  
“So, we're going in blind?” Stan asked.  
  
“Maybe we should throw water on him, just in case.” Mabel said teasingly.  
  
“...” Ford awkwardly coughed. “Let's, uh, avoid doing that.”  
  
“Yeah, he might multiply.” Stan commented.  
  
“Oh, goodness no.” Ford shuddered.  
  
“Better avoid feeding him after midnight, too.” Stan remarked.  
  
“What if he breaks the clock?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Then don't feed him until sunrise.” Stan said firmly.  
  
“...I'm not following.” Ford admitted.  
  
“If we live through this, we'll show you.” Stan promised.  
  
“That should be more than enough time to prepare.” Pacifier spoke up. “Let's get started.” He swung his chain whip to the side and then towards them, the chain getting longer and bigger. It slammed into the buildings they were hiding in and cut them messily in half.  
  
“Whoa!” Stan cried, hanging onto his gun as his building fell.  
  
“Oh, damn!” Ford jumped out of the building before he was crushed  
  
“Holy _**shiiiiiiiit**_!” Mabel screamed, clinging to her weapon for dear life as she got slid down and out the side.  
  
The buildings all crashed together, and then there was silence in the wreckage before Stan finally spoke up. “...'Holy shit'? Mabel?”  
  
“...Don't tell Bill.” Mabel said, blushing furiously in embarrassment. “That was a really terrible move just now! So much for fair!”  
  
“He said 'fun', not 'fair'. Different F-word.” Stan helped her up.  
  
“Fuck...” Ford groaned, holding his leg. “That's gonna be a problem.”  
  
“You okay?” Stan asked.  
  
“I must've twisted it. Looks like I'm going to have to stay put.” Ford looked out past the wreckage around them at Pacifier, who was looking around to see if they survived the attack. “If someone doesn't go out there soon, he'll call himself the victor.”  
  
Mabel nodded firmly and walked out, gun in hand. “That was dirty!”  
  
“Ah, you survived! Just you?” Pacifier asked.  
  
“No, we all did.” Mabel shook her head. “And that was still dirty!”  
  
“You were taking too long.” Pacifier chuckled. “You're lucky I didn't just assume you'd given up and left with my prize.”  
  
“Gideon is not a 'prize'! He's a person and my boyfriend!” Mabel stomped her foot.  
  
“Oh-hoooo. Well, you'll just have to try harder or else I just might steal him away.” Pacifier swung his whip again and Mabel had to roll to the side to dodge. Once upright again, she fired a shot and it hit Pacifier in the shoulder. “Mm, not bad. You'll need a stronger shot, though. That's a Time Cop gun, isn't it? Don't be afraid to turn it up as high as you can.”  
  
“Fine.” Mabel turned the dial on the gun, increasing the power level.  
  
–  
  
Gideon couldn't see outside his prison. He couldn't hear outside it, either. Still, he could use his magic, and he could sense the minds of the battlers. Mabel was furious, desperate and determined. Pacifier was amused, relaxed, and...something that Gideon didn't want to think about right now. Ugh, fine. Turned on. By him. It was weird.  
  
He looked at his wrists, bound in the chains, and shifted his arms to test them. They wouldn't budge. Okay, let's try focusing on them. The chains around his wrists shifted slightly, glowing blue. Good. He could use this.  
  
Gideon had never been one to sit idly by while others did the work for him. From a young age, he had been put to work performing, keeping the peace between the supernatural creatures of Gravity Falls, hiding said creatures from the humans, and gathering as much information from his visions as he could so he could warn people. So, being stuck in a giant ball of chains was just a _little_ irritating.  
  
He was no damsel in distress, no prize to be won. He wasn't going to sit in a cage and wait to be rescued. He was Gideon Charles Gleeful, the most powerful wizard in Gravity Falls at just the age of ten years old. No perverted alien from another dimension was going to change that. He shifted his wrists in the slightly-loosened chains and grabbed onto the chains that kept his arms suspended and focused on making them move.  
  
'Control your breathing.' He thought. 'Focus...you can get out of this.' He tightened his grip on the chains. 'Think about getting out...and getting _them_ out. That binding spell Stanley used...I wonder if there's a banishment spell as well? Bill might not manage to beat his old friend. He was clearly affected by whatever he experienced in there. Ah, I'm getting distracted. Focus on the task at hand, Gideon.'  
  
The chains around him started to rattle and loosen around each other, letting in a bit of light from outside. Good. He just needed to keep this up. He could hear them fighting now, laser gunfire and the smack of Pacifier's chain whip striking the ground. 'Just a little more...' He thought.  
  
He heard Mabel cry out in pain and felt rage boil his blood. How he wanted to tear a hole into Pacifier, but he knew he had a bigger priority. If he succeeded, then Pacifier wouldn't even be a problem. He managed to slip his hands free and then clapped his hands together, chanting quietly. Then, as soon as he finished chanting, a barrier formed around him and knocked the remaining chains away, freeing him entirely.  
  
“Gideon!” Mabel cried in surprise, holding her arm.  
  
“Mabel, are you alright?” Gideon asked, floating over to her.  
  
“Huh. This is...unexpected.” Pacifier commented, watching Gideon land and pull Mabel into the barrier. “You...broke yourself out.”  
  
“So, who won?” Mabel asked.  
  
“Uh...no one won. He freed himself.” Pacifier grinned widely. “That is _amazing_ , I want him even more now!”  
  
“No!” Mabel held Gideon tightly.  
  
“Mabel, get inside with the others, they have first aid. ” Gideon carried Mabel to Stan and handed her over. “Please make sure she's alright, Stanford.”  
  
“I will.” Stan nodded.  
  
“No, I can still fight!” Mabel insisted. “He's going to hurt you again!”  
  
“Nah.” Pacifier chuckled. “I'm eager to see what his next trick is. Go on, boy.”  
  
Gideon eyed him warily. “Stanley, I'm going to need your help with something.” He placed a hand on Ford's shoulder.  
  
“What? What do—whoa!” Ford yelped as he was lifted into the air by Gideon's powers.”Okay, where are we going?”  
  
“You're going to show me where you found that binding spell you screwed up.” Gideon said, flying off with him.  
  
“Come back soon, baby!” Pacifier called after him.  
  
“Really? You never call _anyone_ 'baby'.” Keyhole said, crossing his arms over his chest.  
  
Stan quickly took Mabel into the museum. “I need first aid!” He called.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keyhole's getting reeeeeal tired of your shit, Pacifier.  
> Where's Gideon off to in such a hurry?


	158. A Big Spell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gideon's got a plan to get rid of the invaders, but he's gonna need some help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

“Why are you looking for a binding spell? What would that do?” Ford asked as they dug through his old books. “Here, this one.”  
  
Gideon opened the book and scanned the contents of each page, moving on after he didn't find what he needed on each one. Ford frowned, holding out his hand for the book. “Here, let me show you where it is.” He offered.  
  
“I'm not looking for that one.” Gideon said, then slammed the book down on a spell that spanned two pages and had a magic circle diagram. “Do you have anything to write on or with?”  
  
Ford got out his notepad and flipped to a blank page. “Okay, what do we need?”  
  
“Three moonstones, three vials of purified lake water, 9 cups of salt distributed into three containers, 3 silver bars and three vials of the blood of a virgin.” Gideon read, Ford taking notes.  
  
“Uh...where are we going to get all that?” Ford asked, looking at his list incredulously.  
  
“I have most of it in the ring dimension, the hardest part will be waiting for the lake water to boil so it's purified.” Gideon showed him the diagram. “Please put this on three pieces of paper. And we're going to need the fang of a python. Three, actually. Each person will need one.”  
  
“What do you mean?” Ford asked.  
  
“It says we have to carve these diagrams, with the fang of a python, at three points around the one you're going to banish, where the magic power is strongest. We really have our pick here in Gravity Falls, I can name five spots off the top of my head.” Gideon held out his hand. “The notepad, please.”  
  
Ford handed it over and Gideon flipped the page, starting to translate the spell. “I'll need you to make two copies of this. As soon as the circles start glowing, you and one other person will start chanting. Send up a signal flare to let me know you're ready.”  
  
“Right.” Ford nodded. “Who else will be helping us?”  
  
“It has to be someone of our world, so Tad's out.” Gideon looked thoughtful. “Of everyone in this town...we need someone that can do magic, and most of the wizards are knocked out.” He glanced to the side. “It'll have to be him.”  
  
“Who?” Ford asked.  
  
“Dipper. He's pretty good at magic, so he should be okay.” Gideon nodded.  
  
Ford nodded, thinking of Dipper setting Kryptos' room on fire. “Yeah...he's a pretty skilled kid.”  
  
\--  
  
Dipper clutched at Bill's coat anxiously. “Bill...he's in so much pain...”  
  
“He's strong, he'll be okay.” Tad assured him, but looked a bit doubtful of that himself. The cold, ruthless, evil Bill could've beaten her easily, sure, but this one...he cared too much. He probably wanted to try to resolve things with her peacefully, but she wouldn't have it.  
  
“Are you sure?” Dipper looked out to where they could see the two titans battling.  
  
“Yeah. See? He's doing fine.” Tad said, then winced when Bill was knocked back with a blast of fire. “He's strong.”  
  
“Dipper!” Gideon flew over to him. “I need your help. We can end this!”  
  
“What is it?” Dipper asked, looking at him.  
  
“We have a banishment spell we're going to do. I need three people.” Gideon extended a hand to him. “Come on. The sooner we do this, the less pain Bill will be in.”  
  
“Wait, a banishment spell? Won't that banish Bill, too?” Tad asked. “And myself?”  
  
“It's only supposed to banish evil entities.” Gideon shook his head. “It's our best shot. Come on.”  
  
Dipper took his hand and nodded. “Okay.”  
  
“Mr. Strange, your cousin is over with Pacifier and Keyhole, unconscious. You might want to collect him and bind him here.” Gideon suggested before flying off with Dipper.  
  
Tad sighed and flew off to where he could see Keyhole and Pacifier. Hopefully he wouldn't have to fight them for him.  
  
He landed and walked towards Kryptos. “...I'm taking him.” He told them firmly.  
  
“Are you?” Keyhole asked, watching Bill's and Pyronica's battle.  
  
“Eh, go ahead.” Pacifier waved his hand dismissively. “Hey, any idea what Gideon's planning?”  
  
“It's big. I'm sure you'll be excited.” Tad picked up Kryptos and flew off. “Weirdo.” He muttered.  
  
Pacifier turned back to the battle, watching as Pyronica slammed Bill into a mountain. “Ohh, _that's_ gonna hurt in the morning.”  
  
“Oh, but he's getting back up.” Keyhole pointed out.  
  
“Wonder what the humans are planning?” Pacifier asked.  
  
“Who cares? As long as it gets us out of Bill's ruined world finally. I have never felt more constrained.” Keyhole sighed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...You two really don't care, do you?  
>  Let's hope this spell works!


	159. Casting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's get down to business...TO BANISH SOME ALIENS, YYYYEEEEAAAAHHH!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD
> 
> (In which Zone makes up some BS Fae magic.)

“Do you understand?” Gideon asked, handing Dipper a copy of the spell, carefully written so Dipper and Ford would know how to pronounce the words. “I'll help you set it up and then head off to make mine. Stanley's working on his now, and once he's done he'll send up a signal flare. After I finish mine, and if I see the signal, I'll start chanting. When your circle glows, you start chanting. Got it?”  
  
Dipper nodded. “And this will help Bill?”  
  
Gideon nodded. “This will help Bill. As well as save the town.”  
  
Dipper smiled and saluted. “Then, let's do this!”  
  
Gideon nodded and carved the circle with the python fang, then put the other items around the outer circle of it. “Are you going to be okay by yourself?”  
  
“Mm-hm. I've got Bill's coat.” He put it on, covering himself in case of attack. “I'll be okay.”  
  
Gideon nodded and then stood up, hugging him. “You're so brave. Mabel would be so proud to see you right now.”  
  
“Where is she?” Dipper asked.  
  
“Pacifier broke her arm, she's getting treatment in the museum.” Gideon explained. “She's otherwise okay, though.”  
  
Dipper nodded. “Well, after this is over, Bill can fix her arm no problem.” He grinned. “He's really powerful!”  
  
“Yes, he is. But, so is Pyronica. Which is why he have to do this spell, so he'll be able to come back to us.” Gideon stepped back, careful not to disturb the circle. “See you soon.” He floated into the air and flew off.  
  
“Gideon's gonna need a big nap after this is over.” Dipper said, nodding firmly. “He's been doing an awful lot of magic.”  
  
–  
  
Ford finished setting up his circle and then looked at the paper. “...He wanted to make absolute sure I wouldn't mess this up like the binding spell.” He chuckled a bit. “I'm going to have to really think of a way to properly apologize to Bill for that when this is over. Maybe take him out to dinner...or would that freak him out, with his recent experience? Hnn...” He sat down next to the circle and sighed. “I suppose I'll have to avoid being too...forward with my interests until he feels comfortable with taking his coat off again. I mean, he's got it off right _now_ , and those multiple arms are kind of hot, but that's to battle.”  
  
He looked at the circle. “Gideon said that he...definitely wouldn't be banished, right? Because only evil is banished? I hope he's right. This is a really complex spell...”  
  
He looked back up at Bill, who was covered with horrible burns that were healing quickly as he fought. How long could he hold out? It had already been three hours, going on four soon. He looked in such pain, and he was wearing down, but he was fighting so hard for them...  
  
Oh, right. He needed to send a signal! He grabbed the signal flare and fired it into the sky. Shortly after, he saw the circle starting to glow and looked at the spell. “ _ **Yutan. Vezis. Clorus. Shain. Nectos. Kein. Lorus. Bein.**_ ” As he chanted, a glowing line started to extend from the circle, heading toward's Gideon's circle.  
  
–  
  
“ _ **Sorus. Morzit. Acton. Mecht. Vestus. Corten. Soril. Tchey.**_ ” Dipper read, watching as a line went from the circle and over to Gideon's circle.  
  
–  
  
 _ **“I call on the ancient powers of Trill, Lord of Magic.**_ ” Gideon said, starting to glow as the lines connected with his circle. “ _ **With these words, I banish the evil that threatens his lands. Yutan. Vezis. Clorus. Shain. Nectos. Kein. Lorus. Bein. Sorus. Morzit. Acton. Mecht. Vestus. Corten. Soril. Tchey!**_ ” At his final word, the circles shot a bright light into the sky and a portal opened up over the entire Gravity Falls area, engulfing the rift and the red sky.   
  
–  
  
“Whoa. That's big, alright.” Keyhole commented.  
  
“I _love_ it. He's almost as good as you! Imagine if he could do these naturally!” Pacifier looked at him.  
  
“Whoops, going up.” Keyhole commented, noticing they and the others that came with them were all starting to float against their will.  
  
–  
  
“What?!” Pyronica looked up from where she had Bill pinned. He kicked her off while she was distracted and she let out a roar of rage. “Oh, no you don't! You're staying right here!” She lashed out at him even as the portal pulled her up and he turned to run, digging her claws into his back.  
  
“Auuuuugh!” Bill cried out in pain as he felt like his back was on fire.  
  
“You're never going to recover from this, Bill Cipher.” Pyronica said venomously, using Bill as an anchor. “Until the day you die, you will regret this every day of your life! And it's going to eat at you and burn you alive! Enjoy your eternal suffering, you ungrateful bastard!”  
  
She released his back finally and he reached a hand back to cover the bleeding, burning wound. He looked up at her as she was pulled into the portal and saw tears slipping out of her eyes before they burned off into steam.  
  
“Pyronica...” He reached for her with his other hand, but the pain was growing unbearable and he felt himself falling back as his vision went white...and then black.  
  
Above him, the portal closed and the sky started to clear up, no sign of the rift remaining. He lay still, his eyes closed. He didn't hear the voices of his loved ones as they ran up to him, didn't hear Dipper's wail of worry, didn't even feel Tad gently lift him into his arms and carry him as fast he could to his own place. All he felt was...nothing. All he saw was...black.  
  
And then a light.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WE'RE DEAD! WE'RE DEAD! WE SURVIVED, BUT WE'RE DEAD!


	160. Liam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The blow Pyronica struck to Bill was fatal, but maybe it's not over yet for Bill?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD
> 
> ((A/N: Ahahahahaha, I'm not THAT mean! I was seriously considering leaving you guys with that cliffhanger for a few days! Naaaaah, here's another chapter!))

Bill groaned softly as he opened his eye, taking in his surroundings as he slowly returned to the waking world. What had last happened? He was fighting Pyronica...she attacked his back...and it burned. And there was a portal opening, sucking his old friends inside...but where was he now? Everything was...monochrome. He sat up and looked at himself. He was in his real form, and...his old room? No...not his room. He knew this room. It had been emptied out the last time he saw it, but it looked...like it did before that point. Before...  
  
"Hello, Billy."  
  
He gasped and looked towards the bed, where a misshapen triangle boy was sitting with books. "L-Liam...?"  
  
Liam smiled sadly and beckoned him closer. "It's been a long time. Sit with me, tell me how you've been."  
  
"A-Am I dead?" Bill asked, looking around.  
  
"Not yet." Liam shook his head. "But...you are dying."  
  
"Pine Tree..." Bill breathed. "No, Pine Tree would be devastated...I can't die!"  
  
"Pine Tree?" Liam asked, closing the book he had open.  
  
"He's a human boy that I've grown really fond of." Bill explained.  
  
"What is a human?" Liam asked.  
  
"It's...a beautiful creature, so full of color and life and changes and even though they live such a short time they devote that time to others." Bill walked over to the bed and climbed on. "Oh, I have so much to tell you. I've really missed you." He wrapped his arms around him.  
  
"Color...so, you saw The Colors?" Liam's eye squinted into a smile. "What were they like?"  
  
"Oh, Liam...I don't know to describe them. They're just so...vibrant." Bill scrambled for words. "They're..."  
  
"Can you show me?" Liam asked.  
  
Bill blinked in surprise. "How?"

"Just make this place colorful." Liam shrugged. "All you have to do is think about it."

Bill looked thoughtful. "I...can do that, huh? Okay. Close your eye."

Liam closed his eye obediently. Bill squinted his eye in an excited smile and then clapped his hands three times before spreading his arms, filling the room with color. And, oh, so much color. He was yellow again, and Liam...Liam was a beautiful blue color. His books were all sorts of different colors and his sheets were a pale blue and his walls were brown and Bill took it all in before tapping Liam twice. "You can look now."

Liam opened his eye and looked around. "These...are colors?" He looked at himself. "What am I?"

"You're aquamarine." Bill said simply.

"And...what are you?" Liam looked at him.

"I'm yellow." Bill spread his arms out. "Isn't it all so beautiful?"

Liam closed his eye and then opened it again. "It is...it's so beautiful. But, Billy...how did you do it?"

Bill sighed, glancing away. "...I did a lot of stuff...stuff you wouldn't be proud of. I started a revolution that crashed and burned...I left this world, went to space prison, made some friends....got some powers...came back and wiped out our world..." His voice faltered as his eyes grew more downcast.

"Oh, Billy..." Liam got up and pulled him close. "Why would you do that?"

"Because they took you away from me. And...I paid the price for my crimes. I was trapped in our decaying dimension for a trillion years, only able to astral project to reach anyone, and then...then I was stuck in a CLOSET for thirty years, couldn't see anything but wooden planks. And then...then I met Pine Tree. And...he's just...so much like you were. He's a smart kid, but he's got some growing to do, and he's just...so curious. And I...I love him. I love him so much, and I betrayed my old friends for him and the human town I've grown to love and, well, I ended up in a final confrontation with who used to be my best friend and...died." Bill looked at him. "Or...started to die, at least. Oh, man...Pine Tree..."

"Do you want to go back?" Liam asked. "We can be together another time."

"Uh, Liam, I'm dying." Bill reminded him.

"Oh yeah." Liam nodded. "Can't really go back from dying."

A pink creature appeared in the air behind Bill and Bill jolted in place before looking at it. "Ah! Y-You're Axolotl!"

'I am.' The creature said telepathically, though both of them could hear it. 'I offered you a second chance before, if you just invoked my name. I can keep you alive now.'

"What is that?" Liam asked.

"He's some kind of God." Bill said, looking at the creature.

"And he can bring you back to life?" Liam asked.

"...Yeah." Bill nodded.

"Then, go. Your little human is waiting for you." Liam smiled. "I'm already dead, I'll see you next time you come here." He hugged him tightly.

"Are you...sure?" Bill asked.

"I'm positive." Liam said firmly.

"Only fools are positive." Bill did finger-guns at him.

"...What?" Liam blinked.

"Human joke. Sorry. I'll explain it next time. I'll have so much to tell you then." Bill released him and stepped off the bed. "See...see you later, bro."

"Enough stalling, silly Billy." Liam chuckled.

"Love ya, nerd." Bill smiled and then turned to Axolotl. "Okay...I'm ready."

The creature nodded and then there was a flash of light. The next thing Bill knew, he was feeling the sun on his face and hearing worried voices.

"I think he's coming to." He heard Tad say from close by him.

"Bill? Bill, are you okay? You're okay, right?!" He heard Dipper cry.

He slowly opened his eyes and smiled softly. "Yeah...I'm great." He slowly sat up and pulled Dipper close. "Don't worry, Pine Tree. I'm not gonna leave you alone."

Dipper clung to him. "Thank goodness...I was really worried...I didn't...I don't wanna lose you, Bill."

"You won't." Bill gently stroked his hat and then moved it off to press a kiss to his forehead.

"Ugh, mushy." He heard Kryptos grumble from another side of the room.

"Kryptos?" Bill looked over at him.

"When everyone else got sucked away, I trapped Kryptos in here so he wouldn't go with them. My cousin's been running loose and without supervision long enough." Tad explained. "Time Baby helped, of course."

"And...me? Why didn't I go through?" Bill asked.

"Because it only sucked up the evil ones. Plus, you're bonded to Dipper." Gideon said, walking over to him. "You've been out for a few days. We really thought we were gonna lose you."

"You're okay, right?" Mabel asked, joining them at his bed. Bill saw she was wearing a cast and felt a bit of rage at whoever had done that her.  
  
“What happened to your arm?” He asked.  
  
“Pacifier, the jerk.” Mabel huffed. “But, you're okay, right?”

"Of course it was him. Maybe Tad can fix it for you. And my back hurts but I think I'll be okay." Bill shrugged. "...I...I saw my brother again."

"Liam?" Tad asked. "Cosmos, we really DID almost lose you. How did you come back if you were that far gone?"  
  
"Axolotl." Bill nodded. "He gave me a second chance. I'll see Liam again next time."

"Well, now that you're back with us, we should really let you rest." Tad looked at the others. "Come on, this place is crowded."

"Can I stay?" Dipper asked.

Tad hesitated before smiled. "Of course you can. But, Mabel has birthday plans to finish, don't you?"

"Oh, right! Dipper refused to have our party until you woke up." Mabel turned to go. "Now I can finish the invitations!"

Bill grinned. "Looking forward to it." He smiled contentedly at Dipper.

Yes...Liam could wait a little while. This was his family now.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you, Liam. Was good to see you not all mangled up.


	161. What Do We Do Now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill's okay, but what about his old pals?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD
> 
> (A/N: Wow, what a short chapter!))

“Well...we're out.” Teeth commented, rubbing his side. “Not sure where we are, but we're out.”  
  
Pacifier stood up and walked over to Pyronica, who was sulking. “Hey, Veronica.” He said softly. “We're free. Let's set fires and cause pain, dear.”  
  
“Let's go run off and roam.” Keyhole added, walking up to her.  
  
“...Not yet.” She looked at them. “We'll take those humanoid forms, go underground. At least until the heat's off. Time Cops are probably looking for us everywhere.”  
  
“Where will we go?” 8-Ball asked.  
  
“Doesn't matter, we'll just hide. We'll figure out where we're going as we go.” She changed her form into a humanoid appearance, the others all doing the same. “Come on, the cops won't be far behind.” She led the way into an alleyway, where they all disappeared from view.   
  
When the Time Cops came looking they found nothing. And that was all they would ever find, until Pyronica decided it was time to come out of hiding again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We'll see more on them at another time.


	162. Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill's feeling better and it's time for a birthday party! And also some upsetting news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD  
> "Can I have this dance" is from High School Musical 3 (c) Disney and Adam Anders.

“It sure was nice of you to let her have the party here.” Bill said to Preston as everyone gathered into the Northwest Manor ballroom.  
  
“Yes, well...she IS practically family.” Preston said, sighing as he saw someone put fingerprints on his priceless artifacts. “It was too soon to put everything back in place, clearly.”  
  
“Bill!” Dipper ran over, grinning up at him. “How are you feeling?”  
  
“I'm feeling great!” Bill flexed both arms and then winced. “Ow, ow, ow...'cept for this wound Pyronica gave me.”  
  
“Why hasn't it healed yet?” Preston asked. “That was days ago. Every other wound you sustained has healed.”  
  
“Gideon says it's a curse. Can't be removed 'cept by the curser.” Dipper said, shaking his head.  
  
“Ah, curses...” Preston cringed.  
  
“Eh, it's mostly annoying.” Bill shrugged. “Hey, Pine Tree, let's go see if it's time for cake yet.”  
  
“Yay!” Dipper cheered.  
  
Bill scooped him up in his arms and let him climb up and on his shoulders as he walked over to the banquet. “Hey, Shooting Star! Hey, Gideon!”  
  
“Bill, how are you feeling?” Gideon asked.  
  
“I'm doing alright. Is it time for cake, yet?” Bill grinned.  
  
“Bill, eat some real food first.” Mabel grinned, gesturing to the table.  
  
Bill noticed her other hand was still in a cast. “...Tad couldn't fix it?”  
  
“Nn-nn. He said that he's not capable of magically fixing bones.” Mabel shrugged.  
  
“Alright, let me see that.” Bill reached out and touched her arm. Mabel gasped as the pain went away and then Bill moved her arm back and forth. “See? All fixed. Now, I think the birthday girl should get a dance, hm?” He nudged her towards Gideon.  
  
“May I have this dance?” Gideon asked offering her his arm.  
  
Mabel giggled and took his arm, walking away with him.  
  
“They should take plenty of time together.” Dipper said softly. “We're...going home tomorrow.”  
  
“Already?” Bill asked.  
  
“Uh-huh. Our round-trip ticket says.” Dipper nodded. “Mom and dad are waiting.”  
  
Bill lifted him off his shoulders and turned him to look at him. “It feels...such a short time.”  
  
“Let's make the most of it.” Dipper smiled. “May I have this dance?”  
  
Bill chuckled. “I dunno, it's kind of crowded in here.”  
  
“Then we'll go to the garden.” Dipper hugged him tightly. “Please?”  
  
Bill nodded. “Well...alright.”  
  
They went out to the garden, the sun shining down cheerfully on them. Bill set Dipper down and watched as he went to look at the fountain. Was he really going to lose him tomorrow? But, he'd only just gotten out of treatment...it didn't feel right. He'd never been so far from Dipper before – at least the tourist attractions were in the same state.  
  
“Bill?” Dipper looked over at him.  
  
“Hm?” Bill asked.  
  
“Come here.” Dipper beckoned him over.  
  
Bill walked over to him and knelt next to him. “What's up?”  
  
Dipper took his hands in his, singing softly. “ _Take my hand. Take a breath. Pull me close and take one step._ ” He looked up at Bill as they started to sway together. “ _Keep your eyes locked to mine, and let the music be your guide._ ”  
  
“ _Won't you promise me..._ ” Bill sang softly, recognizing the song from a show Mabel and Dipper had watched with him.  
  
“ _Now, won't you promise me that you'll never forget to keep dancing wherever we go next?_ ” Dipper asked, Bill joining in at the last three lines.  
  
Bill lifted Dipper into his arms and stood up, standing to dance with him around the garden as they sang together. “ _It's like catching lightning, the chances of finding someone like you. It's one in a million, the chances of feeling the way we do._ ” Bill hopped over a little stream, taking to the air as they continued dancing. " _And with every step together, we just keep on getting better._ ”  
  
“ _So, can I have this dance?_ ” Dipper sang.  
  
“ _Can I have this dance?_ ” Bill echoed.  
  
“ _Can I have this dance?_ ” They sang in unison.  
  
They flew above the mansion, high in the air, and drifted towards the woods. “ _Take my hand, I'll take the lead._ ” Bill sang, spinning with Dipper. " _And every turn will be safe with me._ ” He dipped him, making Dipper giggle. “ _Don't be afraid...afraid to fall. You know I'll catch you through it all!_ ”  
  
He gently released Dipper and let him fall a couple feet before he swooped down under him and caught him in his arms again. “ _And you can't keep us apart--_ ”  
  
“ _Even a thousand miles can't keep us apart!_ ” Dipper chimed.  
  
“ _'Cause my heart is wherever you are!_ ” They sang in unison, spinning together again.  
  
“ _It's like catching lightning, the chances of finding someone like you._ ” They sang together, flying over the city now. “ _It's one in a million, the chances of feeling the way we do._ ” They passed over the woods again, weaving through the air. “ _And with every step together, we just keep on getting better._ ”  
  
“ _So, can I have this dance?_ ” Dipper sang.  
  
“ _Can I have this dance?_ ” Bill echoed again.  
  
“ _Can I have this dance?_ ” They sang together.   
  
They saw the UFO and landed, now dancing on top of it.  
  
Dipper gestured to the mountains. “ _Ohh, no mountain's too high and no--_ ”  
  
“ _Ocean's too wide!_ ” Bill chimed in, then they sang together again. “ _Cause together or not, our dance won't stop.”_ They touched each other's head, smiling happily.  
  
“ _Let it rain!_ ” Dipper sang. 

“ _Let it pour!_ ” Bill chimed in.  
  
“ _What we have is worth fighting for!_ ” They sang in unison again. “ _You know, I believe that we were meant to be!_ ”  
  
“ _Yeeeeah!_ ” Dipper sang, holding the note as Bill continued singing.  
  
“ _It's like catching lightning, the chances of finding someone like you._ ” Bill hugged him tightly.  
  
“ _It's one in a million, the chances of feeling the way we do._ ” Dipper clung to him tightly.  
  
“ _And with every step together, we just keep on getting better!_ ” They sang in unison, now back to spinning together.  
  
“ _So, can I have this dance?_ ” Bill asked softly.  
  
“ _Can I have this dance?_ ” Dipper smiled.  
  
“ _Can I have this da-a-a-ance?_ ” They sang in unison as Bill lifted them into the air again.  
  
“ _Can I have this dance?_ ” They finished together, holding each other tightly.  
  
Bill's phone rang and he pulled it out. “Hello?”  
  
“You might want to get back here with the birthday boy.” Pacifica said. “We all saw you two fly off together.”  
  
“Heh, sorry. Yeah, we're coming back. See you soon.” Bill hung up and flew back to the Northwest Manor.  
  
“Bill Cipher.”  
  
Bill jolted in place and stopped to look behind him. He was surprised to see to see Time Baby floating behind him. “...Your Honor?”  
  
“You have demonstrated that you have changed significantly for the better. I hereby wipe clean your record. You are no longer a criminal.” Time Baby said, clapping his hands together.  
  
“Really?” Bill smiled. “So, the Wanted posters...?”  
  
“Gone.” Time Baby nodded. “Continue to work with Tad Strange, and keep yourself out of the world of crime. You are a good person, Bill Cipher.”  
  
“Thank you, Your Honor.” Bill bowed, dipping Dipper as he did.  
  
“And now, I must have a nap.” Time Baby flew off and disappeared into a portal, leaving behind no trace he was there.  
  
“...Right. The party.” Bill nodded and flew the rest of the way to the Manor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay for no longer being a fugitive!


	163. See You Next Summer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been an amazable summer, but now the Pines kids have to go home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD
> 
> ((A/N: I'm just going to take this moment to thank every single one of you for joining us for this adventure, and we hope we'll see every single one of you for the next ones this motley crew embarks on. It's been an emotional journey for all involved and your comments are what drove me to focus on this until completion. Thank you from all of us here at "5 Years AU".))

The next morning was a solemn one. Gideon and Mabel sat together, speaking quietly to each other and holding hands. Dipper and Bill sat together, Dipper in Bill's lap, as Bill silently counted the seconds until the Speedy Beaver pulled up to the stop.  
  
“That's the last bag.” Stan walked over with Ford and set down their begs. “Hey, are you gonna take your pig?”  
  
“I don't know if mom would let us.” Mabel admitted. “Besides, Gompers is staying and I'd hate to break up a happy couple.”  
  
“That's still unnatural.” Bill commented.  
  
“Love doesn't have to be natural.” Mabel said, looking at him. “Love is...well, it can't be explained. It's magical.”  
  
Gideon decided not to remind her that the Love God had been responsible for their union and instead kissed her cheek. “Mabel, darlin', I'm gonna miss your wisdom around here.”  
  
Soos walked over with Wendy and Robbie. “Y-You'll be back next year, right?” Soos asked.  
  
“Maybe I'll teach you to play guitar, once you have hands big enough.” Robbie rubbed Dipper's head.  
  
“Don't you worry, we'll keep Bill company for you.” Wendy grinned.  
  
Dipper nodded, then turned around in Bill's lap to hug him. “I'll miss you.”  
  
“Hey, the year will pass by before you know it. Besides, we're connected. Remember?” Bill tapped his head. “Any time you wanna talk to me, just open your mind and think of me.”  
  
Dipper nodded. “I'm gonna be a third-grader soon.” He smiled a bit. “Lots of harder stuff to learn!”  
  
“I'll gladly tutor you.” Bill grinned at him.  
  
The bus came down the road and Mabel got up, reluctantly letting go of Gideon's hand so she could get her bags. To her surprise, Stan and Ford already had them. “I can get those...”  
  
“We've got 'em, don't worry. No need to rush.” Stan knelt down and hugged her. “I'll miss you, kiddo. And, don't worry, we'll take care of your pig.”  
  
The bus pulled up and the doors opened. Bill set Dipper down and walked him to the door. Stan and Ford put the bags in the compartment and then walked over to give the two of them one last hug before they climbed up into the bus.  
  
“Wait...” Mabel looked at Gideon. “One more thing.”  
  
Stan and Ford let her go and she went to Gideon, taking his hands and kissing him gently on the lips. Gideon turned a pleasant shade of pink and then reciprocated before they sadly had to break it off and he walked her to the bus.  
  
“See you next summer.” Gideon said softly.  
  
Mabel nodded. “Yeah.”  
  
“Oh, here. I got everyone that couldn't make it today to sign this card for you.” Wendy handed over an envelope. “I almost forgot about it.”  
  
“We'll keep in contact, send you pictures and stuff.” Mabel promised.  
  
“See you next summer!” Dipper said, waving to them all with tears slipping down his cheeks.  
  
“Kids, we gotta go.” The driver said sympathetically. “I'm on a schedule...”  
  
“Alright.” Mabel nodded and climbed up, then looked out at them one more time. “Hey, Bill. Make sure Daisy's a good girl, okay?”  
  
“No problem.” Bill gave a thumbs-up.  
  
Mabel nodded and then led Dipper to their seats. As soon as they sat down, the doors closed and the bus started to move. Mabel and Dipper waved to everyone as they went down the road, until they couldn't see them anymore.  
  
–  
  
Bill watched them go and then started to run after them. Surprised, Ford ran after him, both of them chasing the bus until Bill hit the barrier and stumbled back into Ford. “See you...Pine Tree...” Bill reached out to touch the barrier sadly.  
  
Ford placed a hand on his shoulder. “Hey, come on. We'll see them next year.”  
  
Bill nodded, then turned to him. “It's still...hard.”  
  
“Well, do you think a distraction might help?” Ford grinned.  
  
“A distraction?” Bill asked.  
  
“Is Dipper listening?” Ford asked.  
  
“Nope. Kid's fallen asleep.” Bill shook his head.  
  
“Good. I've been thinking...I never _did_ go to the Multiverse with you. And Stan wants to build a boat still. What do you say to rebuilding the portal and building ourselves a spaceship to go through it?”   
  
Bill's eyes lit up. “That...that sounds amazing! Why didn't you bring it up earlier?”  
  
“Because I want it to be a surprise for the kids.” Ford brought his finger up to his lips in a “it's a secret” motion. “Come on, let's go tell Stan. Privately.”  
  
Bill grinned. “Cosmos, this is going to be great!”  
  
Ford nodded, taking Bill's hand and leading him back down the road. It would take a while, but he would be able to show Bill and Stan everything he'd seen in the Multiverse. He was looking forward to this.

**The End....or is it?**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's go build a spaceship!
> 
> (A/N: Look to the next chapter for a "Where are they now"!)


	164. Where Are They Now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's take a little peek into the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gravity Falls (c) Alex Hirsch and Disney XD

After the battle, all the supernaturals went home to the woods. Giffany and Rumble were found under a wreckage and declared that they would like to be returned to the game so Rumble would be able to finish his quest. Once Bill woke up, he happily obliged.  
  
Shifty returned to the McGucket household to lick his wounds and Midna returned to Gideon's ring dimension.  
  
After seeing the kids off, Bill restored every building that had been destroyed. The McGuckets moved into the Gleeful home, as the Gleefuls moved in with the Northwests. Gideon wouldn't let them into his room until he'd cleared out every last thing – including the memory gun he still kept. Just in case.  
  
Tyrone was made waterproof with Bill's magic and celebrated by going for a swim and chugging a bottle of water. He may not ever age, but at least he wasn't gonna die from a drip. Wendy and Robbie decided to try dating again, but when that didn't quite work out Wendy suggested to Tambry that she give him a chance. That worked out well, and Tambry even joined Robbie on-stage. She was a really good singer.  
  
Love God came by the next Valentine's Day and had it out with Gideon over him not wanting Love God to run amuck and cause trouble – but it was _Valentine's Day!_  
  
Preston and Gideon grew closer, now that he wasn't abusing his daughter and had opened his home to Gideon's family. And, with much reluctance and nudging from Gideon, Preston accepted his daughter's relationship with Candy when she finally got up the nerve to tell her family.  
  
Grenda went to Austria to visit her boyfriend, paid for all the way by him. Apparently he had gotten to be rather insistent and she finally said she would come see him. Even if her German was really, really bad. He eagerly took the time to give her lessons every chance he could.  
  
Bud tried for mayor again, but this time his opponent was Tyler Cutebiker, not Stan. _Apparently Stan had something better to do._ He lost and instead focused on his used car business.  
  
Tad kept Kryptos inside the house most of the time, but let him out occasionally to help with gardening under supervision. He made it known quite firmly that he was to _leave Bill alone_ after he cat-called Tad's friend a dozen times and distressed the Triangle. Not that Kryptos would listen.  
  
Dipper got into a dancing school, and Mabel celebrated by knitting him a white headband with all the Cipher Symbols on it. He never takes it off, the Pine Tree prominently sitting in the center over his birthmark.  
  
Gideon, Bill, Stan and Ford had to face nightmares constantly, but they met up together to talk about them to try and ease the pain. Bill was highly concerned about Pacifier's apparent lust for the young ESPer. Highly. Concerned. What the fuck, man. Stan kept on seeing Jorge with the gun and had to be reminded it was just an illusion, Jorge hadn't _really_ come after him. And even if he did, Stan was safe.  
  
For Thanksgiving, Bill was invited to join the Northwests since Stan and Ford were going to the Pines household to formally introduce Ford as “Stanley”. The Pines parents took it rather well, all things considered. Shifty ate with the McGuckets, and Tyrone went with Bill to the Northwest's.  
  
On April 18th, 2013, the Gleefuls and the Northwests welcomed the newest member of their family, Marigold Felicia Gleeful. A beautiful little girl with brown hair and green eyes, just as Bill said.

After two years of dating, during which Stan took her to meet his mother, Stan proposed to Susan. They were married the following summer, June 1st. Robbie married Tambry the year after, October 31st, and Mabel and Gideon tied the knot in 2021, on May 1st. Soos and Melody procrastinated on it, both too shy to ask the other, until Mabel told them that she would drag them to the alter herself if they didn't propose already. They married a year after Mabel and Gideon, on May 5th.  
  
When Dipper and Mabel came to Gravity Falls in 2017, they were pleasantly surprised to be shown the new spaceship – which looked like a sea-faring vessel, not a UFO – and the rebuilt portal. Stan, Ford, Dipper, Mabel, Bill and Gideon spent half that summer in the Multiverse and the summers after seeing new things.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What kind of worlds and alternate universes will these brave adventurers encounter, I wonder?

**Author's Note:**

> Kids Dipper's age are excited about everything.


End file.
